Economic Models - cow style.

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RMCF

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21 Economic Models explained with Cows - 2010 update

SOCIALISM
 You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
 You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
 You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
 You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
 You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away...

FIANNA FAILISM
The farmer has no cows but some friends offer to help him out with money for 2 cows. Some of it is in Sterling and the farmer doesn't know where it came from. After a short investigation, the farmer suddenly remembers that he won it on the Horses.
The farmer hands over the farm to his Son just before the Farm goes under.
No Cows are ever found.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
 You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
 You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four
cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped
dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because
you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a
month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
 You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
 You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine
productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
 Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and
invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of
Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
 You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
 
RMCF said:
21 Economic Models explained with Cows - 2010 update
Click to expand...

Brilliant stuff

IRELAND
You have 2 cows and 1 employee (neighbour)
You don't really need an employee so you let him go
He complains to union so you end up giving him one cow to pay for his redundancy package and/or to stop him suing you for unfair dismissal
His cow dies!
The govt takes the other cow off you and gives it to your neighbour
It dies too!
The govt sends your neighbour to retrain in "how to look after a cow"
You log onto AAM to see if you are entitled to anything seen as you previously created employment and now have nothing.
You're not!

All very tongue-in-cheek (kind of!)
 
Eggsellent Smithers!

Scottish Independence

You have no cows
The English find 2 magnificent cows at the bottom of the North Sea and pay you to milk them
The cows die from their diet of deep-fried Mars bars
England grants you independence.

Celtic Tiger Quango Conundrum

  1. You have no cows and know nothing about cows
  2. You charge cow-owners for overseeing their cow husbandry efforts
  3. All the cows die
  4. The government creates another cow-husbandry quango
  5. Go To Step 1
 
HSE

You have two cows.
You employ 2 bovine health boards, one for each cow.
You then employ the bovine HSE to supervise the bovine health boards.
You send the cows to France to see a vet
 
Dail Eireann

You have 166 cows, but you only need half that amount
You pretend your cows are 100s of miles from your milking parlor so you can claim expenses.
Usually only 10 cows turn up to be milked and only 3 times a week at certain times of the year.
Most of your milk is sour.
 
Irish Banking

You look after cows for other people.
You decide to give a lend of these cows to a friend who says he can uses these cows to make even more cows i.e. a breeding programme.
You dont do due diligence i.e. you havent checked whether there are any bulls in the herd.
The breeding programme fails because all the cows are female.
Your friend sells the herd to fund his pension.
The government has to give you replacement cows.
 
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