Do you tackle issues you have with others?

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thedaras

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There seems to be a tendancy for people to deal with difficult issues they have with others,by just letting it go .
Im wondering is this the correct way forward?

Do you end up seething inside,while being advised to not let it get to you?
Do you end up being seen as a walkover?
How do you deal with things like this?

Naturally,if the bus man drives by,while you have been waiting for an hour,you are going to be lived,but theres not a lot you can do about that,so in that scenario ,its best to forget it.
But what about a personal attack of your values or when someone says something nasty or when they directly disrespect you..should you forget it,or should you stand up and be counted?
 
That's a good question but isn't it about the personal breaking point before someone loses patience?
 
I suppose it depends on the situation. For instance, someone in work has been really bugging me lately and was incredibly rude to me a couple of weeks ago. She's acting as if nothing has happened while I'm maintaining a polite but chilly and distant relationship. In general, that's how I tend to react if someone has annoyed or upset me. Not because I think its the best way, but its just my automatic reaction.
 
I think it depends on who and what the situation is.

Family and proper friends I would just tell them, because I know it's unlikely to cause lasting damage.

More casual acquaintances I would let it go but if it was serious enough just distance myself from them.

Work issues are trickier, people just take things too personally or to heart. I found this out at a previous job, I addressed a fairly minor work related issue I had with someone and the next thing I knew I was being hauled up by the manager for upsetting and undermining this person. Even though a work colleague had been with me at the time and agreed I had done nothing of the sort, she refused to stand up for me as she didn't want to get involved. From then on I was seen as the bad guy until I left the company.

Since then it would have to be something pretty big for me to speak up and I would have as much back up as I could find before I say anything.

My husband and his siblings have quite a serious issue going on within their family at the minute and none of them will confront the person for risk of offending them which I find frustrating as if it isn't sorted soon the long term implications are worse...but I have been told to keep out of it!
 
I generally try to say it if I have a problem with someone. I try to be calm and factual and open to their feedback. (I get most of my opinionated guff out of my system by posting on the internet )
 
JP1234 said:
she refused to stand up for me as she didn't want to get involved. From then on I was seen as the bad guy until I left the company.
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Thats really interesting..One of my biggest bug bears is those who dont support because they dont want to get involved,its such a cop out.And I often wonder how they would feel if others did the same to them.

I would resent the person who didnt support me,more than the original person who had offended me.

There is something very annoying when those who have agreed with you,suddenly become quiet when the subject comes up!
 
Thats exactly what I mean about the choices we are given,ie;forget it or seeth inside or deal with it..

Are they our only choices?
How about getting your own back
 
Purple said:
I generally try to say it if I have a problem with someone. I try to be calm and factual and open to their feedback. (I get most of my opinionated guff out of my system by posting on the internet )
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Do you feel that its getting more difficult to do that though,as if you do mention a problem,the other person can really start a war against you.
So is it better to forget it?
 
Godfather said:
That's a good question but isn't it about the personal breaking point before someone loses patience?
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It probably is, so what happens when you tolerate so much and then reach that point?
You will find some will say ,that it should be tackled straight away so it doesnt get legs..and if you do tackle it straight away,you can be accused of jumping the gun..
 
My mother used talk a lot about "restraint of tongue & pen". A rule she followed more in the breach than anything else .

I tend to keep quiet until something is bugging too much, and I lose patience,a bit like Godfather above. And, like Purple I tend to be factual and to the point. I do listen to feedback, but only with one ear as I'm always right.
 
But of course you are always right,isnt everyone?
Otherwise we would all think we are always wrong,which just isnt right Right?
 

I agree. I can't stand people who 'keep out of' everything while leaving other people to fight their battles for them. There is nothing admirable about 'not getting involved' in situations where you really should be getting involved, whether its sticking up for a colleague who's being treated badly, or backing up your neighbours in dealing with a problem neighbour, or complaining to the school about bullying or whatever.
I really can't stand the sanctimonious people who moan along with everyone else, but then stand back and let everyone else do the dirty work for them because they 'don't want to get involved' or 'like to keep out of these things'.
 
If you don’t have the courage of you convictions then you’re just another coward.
 
Over the past year I've completely changed my thinking on this issue and as a result have 'fallen out' with my best friend, another long term friend and my sister!!! And honestly I know it might sound ridiculous but (at the moment) I feel better for it. I've always been the one to make others feel good about themselves, not to feel bad if they insult me, let me down, stomp all over me and I have had it so I have vowed to stand up for myself and more importantly put my husband and my family first and it is the best thing I've done. I've realised my best friend was the most negative person in my life, my sister has NO clue to family loyalty and needs a kick in the This post will be deleted if not edited to remove bad language and my other 'friend' has serious issues herself. In laws no longer make me feel 'obliged' to put up with their crap and i just smile inside instead of fuming.

All in all I feel better about myself, I have always been a great friend, a loyal sister and a respectable 'in-law' - why shouldn't the same be respected to me!??
 
Reminds me of the late great Brian Clough when he was asked how he dealt with disagreements between himself and a player.
He said they would sit down like adults, talk it through and decide he was right all along.
 
Yes, I do.

However, I do not know if I come out the better for it afterwards.

Saturday - in a very long queue, for a very long time, 1 cashier.... lady comes over and looks at the sale shelf beside the cashiers. Another cashier joins to deal with a refund. When cashier finishes, the lady who hasn't queued goes straight over to cashier. I make comment. Lady who skipped GOES mental at me... How dare I, calling me all the names etc, it was embarrassing. I calmly replied that she had no wait while the rest of us have been here for some time - neither cashier said anything or the ladys in front or behind me...

I was berrated in front of the whole store while no one backed me up... I stood my ground and continued to calmly reply and explain what she had done, and as I had watched her from the queue could tell her when she came over etc... this annoyed her even more.. and for the whole transaction and as she left the store she continued to shout expletives at me... what did everyone do when she was gone, let me know how awful she was and go home and have a glass of wine...

I said it was a shame no one back me up and left.

Is it worth that abuse.. yep, I'd do it all again.. I'd hate to say nothing.
 
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