Do Children Have Say???

S

sarah 2000

Guest
hi
i have a daughter who is six years old. her dad has been on the scene and off the scene. now that she is older and has a mind of her own she doesnt want to see her daddy any more as he keeps letting her down. he either wont collect her when he says and misses christmas and birthdays. its much worse than that. i have told him the situation because he wants to see her(heard it before). if she doesnt want to see him then i cant force her. if he brings me too court to see her and he is given access i dont think that is right. surly their is something out there for children who dont want to see there dads. any ideas?
 
sarah 2000 said:
hi
i have a daughter who is six years old. her dad has been on the scene and off the scene. now that she is older and has a mind of her own she doesnt want to see her daddy any more as he keeps letting her down. he either wont collect her when he says and misses christmas and birthdays. its much worse than that. i have told him the situation because he wants to see her(heard it before). if she doesnt want to see him then i cant force her. if he brings me too court to see her and he is given access i dont think that is right. surly their is something out there for children who dont want to see there dads. any ideas?
Click to expand...

At that age a court is not really going to give the child the opportunity to say what they want to say. It's a basic fault within the system that there is very little in the way of dispute resolution offered in these circumstances. Say some sort of independent counsellor to meet with the parents and child. It would be very expensive for the state as family counselling is very expensive in itself but our family law system is crying out for it.

It is not until kids get into their teens that courts will actually let them voice their opinions.
 
ok thanks for advice. its just a shame that at this day and age nothing can be done. ill investigate more into the matter but thanks again
 
"if she doesnt want to see him then i cant force her"

I do not accept this. If she doesn't want to come in from playing in the street, or doesn't want to stop watching television, or doesn't want to go to her grandmother, or doesn't want to stay with a neighbour\babysitter for an hour while her mother is out, does she just get her way? The rules here are fairly simple:

1. If two parents have split, it is not appropriate that one of them should unilaterally decide how much time the other gets to spend with the child.

2. If the parents cannot agree, then the courts get to decide, guided by independent expert evidence.

3. At a certain age, the courts will take cognisance of a child's views. Six is not that age. Somewhere around 12 is.
 
Sarah 2000. I totally understand where you are coming from. Children begin to understand very quickly who they can trust and who they can't. My neice is the same, has been constantly let down by her father all her life. He's never paid a penny for her welfare other than occasional gifts at Christmas and birthdays and even at that he's unreliable...She's 10 now and two years ago she started to make her own choices about what she wanted to do...Her mother has always encouraged her to have a relationship with her dad but has now had to stop making excuses for him. She never speaks negatively about him but manges the situation by letting my neice make the decisions. Courts have been invovled over the years and my sister even had the Gardai at her door telling her that she must comply with access orders. Haven't heard if he ever had them at her door telling him to comply with payment orders.....She's given up on the courts now and is just letting nature take its course...
 
There are support services in the form of the Family Mediation Service, part of the Family Support Agency, check out [broken link removed] which may be of assistance. This initiative was set up to try and resolve such issues with resorting to the courts, might be worth talking to them.
 
I have a step son and we have had a difficult relationship with his mum for years. I regard him as my son, he has lived with us for a long time now and he has a younger brother and sister here.
We have always encouraged his relationship with his mum, but she isn't really interested most of the time. It's only when she wants a relationship that she tries, but that could be twice a year.
It's not so hard now as he's nearly a man and we can leave him make his own choices. When he was younger it was so hard, he was so hurt by her.

I still think that their relationship is important and have always made him see her even when he didn't want to.

It has been a nightmare. But I think you have to help the relationship as much as you can.
I hate that we have to pick up the pieces when she lets him down, but she has a place in his world, even if we don't always like it we are always supportive, have to be I think for the child sake.

Stano
 
MOB said:
"if she doesnt want to see him then i cant force her"

I do not accept this. If she doesn't want to come in from playing in the street, or doesn't want to stop watching television, or doesn't want to go to her grandmother, or doesn't want to stay with a neighbour\babysitter for an hour while her mother is out, does she just get her way? The rules here are fairly simple:

1. If two parents have split, it is not appropriate that one of them should unilaterally decide how much time the other gets to spend with the child.

2. If the parents cannot agree, then the courts get to decide, guided by independent expert evidence.

3. At a certain age, the courts will take cognisance of a child's views. Six is not that age. Somewhere around 12 is.
Click to expand...


I understand what you are saying but i think not wanting to watch television and not wanting to come in are minor compared to what i have just said. this person in her life has brought misary and upset to us both. she does not trust this man. she has no bond with her father could you blame her not wanting to see him. just because she is six doesnt mean she doesnt know what she is talking about. i have encouraged her in everyway. but shes having none of that. who am i to tell her she has no choice . and dismiss it like im telling her shes to go to bed. i respect your opionion i really do.
 
Just wondering MOB if it would make a difference if Sarah2000 kept a record of access, whether the father turned up or not? would the court be less likely to give access when the father does not show up for access/birthdays/Christmas?

On the other hand, children are always going to have their first loyalty to the parent with whom they live, and are excellent at picking up cues that that parent is in disagreement with the other parent. (am a single parent myself, have been through all this.)
 
I always advise parents to keep a diary ; As the chinese proverb says, the faintest ink is more lasting than the strongest memory.

A parent who does not show up for agreed access is obviously going to have a more difficult time persuading the court that it is in the child's interests to spend a lot of time with that parent; but these things are never black and white. What if the reason for not turning up is that the parent is a casualty nurse who sometimes has to work extra hours with no notice? Many people might intuitively feel that this parent should not be penalised. On the other hand, others would say that the reasons for the absence are not important - what is important is the impact upon the child. A six year old cannot be expected to distinguish between a 'good excuse' for failure to turn up and a bad excuse. The problem of deciding what is best for the child is in the majority of cases made more difficult by the fact that both parents will tend to misbehave and play the blame game to some degree. It's a messy area.

Just to be clear - in case it seemed otherwise - I was making no judgment on the Original Poster's views as to what is or is not an appropriate level of access in her child's circumstances (of which I obviously know nothing).

I was making the point that neither parent is an appropriate person to be sole judge of this issue, and nor is a six year old.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top