Divorce / Separation Advice

Hi All,

Looking for advice around what seems fair given peoples past experiences and different perspectives in going through this process.

My ex partner and I are about to embark on divorce proceedings - we both have similar incomes (approx 50k each). We have 3 children, 10, 9 and 3. She currently resides in the family home with the 3 children with her current partner.
I rent a room in shared accommodation, currently its not suitable for bringing the kids for overnights etc so I see the kids on wednesday evenings after work and I take them for a full day on Sundays.

The split has been fairly amicable of late and we are both hoping to legally finalise this divorce later this year - We are both trying to agree on terms that we are both happy with in advance of going to court in the hope this all gets resolved as quickly and cost effecively as possible.

The financials are as follows

- There is roughly 200k left on the mortage - about 20 years. Payments are 1k a month and I have not contributed to them since 2022.
- I rent in private shared accommodation - not suitable for sleepovers at a cost of 1k a month inclusive of all bills.
- I think we both earn roughly the same in full time employment (50k each a year)
- I currently pay 550 a month in maintenance and pay half for any extras separately e.g. - back to school, sports, camps, school tours etc.
- I am like clockwork with maintenance payments (DD - 1st of the month every month) but have found myself in financial difficulty at times and havent been as consistent as I'd like to be on the extras. but the important payments like back to school are always made.
- I have debt in the form of credit card, car loan and personal loan I am trying to clear currently.
- She is currently paying 400 a month in childcare that I cannot afford to contribute to.
- There is also considerable cost in keeping the kids entertained and fed every sunday as taking them back to my shared apartment for dinner is rarely an option also as I had aquired that room on the pretense that I am a single man.
- I have no savings at all at present and no pension - both of which I know she has. I am essentially living pay cheque to paycheque currently - I have very little disposable income left once living expenses are paid.


At this point she applied for a re mortgage as a sole applicant to which she wasnt able to get approval for the whole amount herself so it looks like I am bound to the private rental market for the rest of my adult life unless something extroadinary happens over the next 20 years. She cannot afford to buy me out at this point.

What would be the best course of action going forward? She has asked me to come to her with a figure that I would be willing to accept a buy out on when the kids are all fully grown - coming up with a figure for 20 years down the road is ridiculous in my book - I was going to suggest a reduced monthly maintenance payment in lieu of a buyout - basically sign over my equity in the home for a reduced monthly maintenance payment. Does that seem fair?

I am keen for us both to present an affidavit of means as she is very obviously in a far greater financial position than I but I want to make sure I'm approaching this from a reasonable standpoint in terms of what we can both expect in this divorce - any guidance or advice from anyone that has been through the process recently would be a massive help!

Whats the current value of the property?

DannyBoyD said:

Whats the current value of the property?

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Approx 420-450k

Does her current partner have any interest in buying out your share? Do they contribute to the mortgage/bills etc?

House value €450
Mortgage remaining €200
So it appears your equity in the home is €125K. (450-200)/2

If your spouse wants to buy you out she should offer you €125K now, which you could use use to purchase a small house apartment for €275K. Your spouse would then need a mortgage of €325K which she could just about manage with her income & savings, especially if her current partner is contributing to the household expenses. This way you would both end up with a home for the parent and the children and roughly the same level of mortgage debt. In this instance you might offer your spouse to retain her savings and you keep your debt to sweeten the deal. Any chance of a family loan for you to help you fund a deposit?

Given that you both would have the same expenses re the children I would suggest no maintenance but that you pay equally the kids costs including childcare. You could then take the kids for longer periods each week.

If this is not going to work then in 20 years (at today’s values) she should pay you €125K, and adding her savings & your debt together, half of that, and then she gives you half of her current pension. But you are better off not agreeing a figure now, as inflation and house prices may be very different in 20 years, so you may be better agreeing 28% of the sale value of the house & 50% of the pension.

Is there any way you can increase your income? Extra job, overtime, retraining? If you could earn more you could get a bigger mortgage with a deposit from your current equity in the family home.

It is not easy, so best of luck. And I hear you about being amicable but if your wife is not telling you her full assets, such as savings and pensions, how open is she being? And why is she progressing with getting a €200K mortgage in her name while ignoring your €125K current equity?

Remember the best interests of the children is two stable households where the kids feel safe and secure. 20 years of walking around parks on Sundays will not give them that. Divorce makes both parties poorer, so it is not surprising you are unable to save.

RonSwanson97 said:

- There is roughly 200k left on the mortage - about 20 years. Payments are 1k a month and I have not contributed to them since 2022.

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Unless you are on a 2% mortgage rate then paying down €200k over 20 years will cost more than €1,000 a month.

Both you and wife need to be very precise on the financial details to get this to work as you don’t have much to play with.