dispute with aunt over mum

Hi
I'm having a disagreement with my mum's sister about my mum. Both my parents are in a nursing home and I'm an only child. I assumed that I have next of kin for both of them as neither of them are able to make decisions for the other. Mum is suffering dementia due to several mini strokes and one full stroke. Dad isn't able to make decisions as he had a anuerysm and isn't fully aware of what's going on around him. From what I can see on the internet the order of priority for next of kin is spouse, child(ren), parents and then siblings so I would be next in line. However my aunt is adamant that she is next of kin for my mum. Which of us is right?

My concern is that I can see this escalating into a major row if decisions had to be made about mum eg who gives consent to an operation or funeral arrangements (I always thought these decisions were made by a spouse and children but my aunt says no). I would like to get this sorted as I don't want to be fighting with my aunt when major decisions have to be made.

Has any else had a similar problem with an aunt or uncle and how did they deal with them? I'm not saying I would leave my aunt out of decisions altogether but if we couldn't agree I think final decisions would be down to me. By the way I'm not having any such problems with my dad's siblings.

I would also have thought that you would be next of kin for your parents. Does your mother have any other siblings apart from this aunt?

Generally speaking, the order would be spouse, then children, followed by parents, and even grand-children before siblings.

No. There were 2 other sisters who who have died who were single and had no kids so my mum and aunt were next of kin for them. I think my aunt thinks she is next of kin for mum because of this..

Who is next of kin also affects medical decisions, not just when/if someone dies. Best to confirm with the staff at the nursing home that you are next of kin so at least they know the score. As far as I know, you are definitely next of kin (unless your mother has nominated otherwise) and your aunt is not. The sooner you settle this (gently but firmly) the better.

There's a blurb here: [broken link removed]


And from [broken link removed]

C. Next of Kin - In order to establish his or her claim to be next of kin of the deceased, the requester would be required to submit an affidavit or other acceptable proof establishing the relationship and showing the necessary State Certificates. For this purpose, next of kin are described (in accordance with the Succession Act, 1965) as follows:

• • spouse of the person to whom the record relates, then
  • child or children of the person to whom the records relate, then
  • parents or surviving parent of the person to whom the record relates, then
  • brothers and sisters of the person to whom the record relates, then
  • nephews and nieces of the person to whom the record relates, then
  • the person or persons who, at the date of death, stand nearest in blood relationship to the person to whom the record relates, then
  • the Minister for Finance.

In the case of your aunts that died, their sister would be next of kin (in the absence of spouse, children etc.) but not in the case of your mother. Really, you need to establish this firmly with her now or it is bound to get very nasty and that will just add to the stress you both are already under. The best you can do is explain it to her as you have explained here - that she will not be left out of decisions but that any final decisions are down to you.

Good luck
Sprite

I assume you are over the age of eighteen?

As far as I know, as your dad is still alive (so technically the closest next of kin) but incapable of making a decision, you may need to apply to the court to get the legal right to make decisions...talk to a solicitor to get full clarification. Or even have a brief chat to the doctor/nurse whose care she is under as they should have certain checks they need to make if there is a query about the next of kin (obviously it won;t be legal advice, but I'm sure this sort of thing crops up alot).

Also, go easy on you aunt....you may also need her supprt in the forthcoming months, she probably just misunderstands as she was next of kin for her other sisters.

Hi thanks for the replies guys

Sam H Yes I am ove 18 (am in my thirties). I'm not trying to be in any way awkward or difficult with my aunt as I do realise mum is her last surviving sister however I'm trying to avoid a situation where mum is hospitalised or dies and we have to make decisions in situations that trying at the best of times (as I said in my original post if we had a disagreement over a medical procedure or funeral arrangements). Also is my aunt being fair to me by trying insist on making all the decisions about mum? Like I said I'm not trying to leave her out of decisions but my concern is that if there was a disagreement she would want the final say - she is inclined to want to have everything her way.

As I said already the surviving sisters (not just my aunt) were next of kin for the 2 sisters who are dead so I think thats where my aunt is getting confused.