Custody of children

[Tarnhows]

In the event of marital separation, is it reasonable to expect the children to be 'based' with the parent who always has and will be the primary carer?

In this particular case, the full-time working parent (secondary carer) is contending that they should have equal custody i.e the child to spend three days one week and four days the next with them.

I would argue that this is destabilising for the child as they would not have a base and are always preparing to stay at the other parent's house.

I think the child should be based with the primary caring parent and the other parent have access during the day/ evening on some days and perhaps stay one or two nights a week with them.

Is this reasonable? If it went to court what would be the view most likely taken by the judge?

I would be grateful for any advice.

 

[j26]

It depends on a lot of factors, such as parental behaviour, but if the children are young there is the "tender years principle" that very young children (under 4) are generally better off with the mother having primary custody, although the father may have liberal access. As children get older, their views will be taken into account by the judge. The overriding concern of the court is the childs welfare, not the parents. Also the court will try to be as flexible as possible - where there is shared custody, each parent will be given at least one weekend off a month (i.e. on parent will not bear the burden of minding the children every weekend).

Stability is important, but children are flexible - remember as they grow older the parents will need to be flexible too.

The most important thing is if at all possible try to agree a regime for custody and access with some flexibility in it. If it is an imposed solution it's more likely that there will be acrimony, and breaches of the terms, leading to hassle and possible court visits, which ultimately is bad for the children.

I'm not suggesting that it is happening here, but try to ensure that children are not used as pawns in the break up of the relationship. And remember, both parents remain guardians, so there will be ongoing situations which will require a level of maturity and goodwill.

 

[Tarnhows]

Thanks but I just think it would be unfair on the child not to have a main home rather than a 'halfway house'

 

[j26]

Thanks but I just think it would be unfair on the child not to have a main home rather than a 'halfway house'

Yes, there are practical issues, and I know I would prefer my child to have one base, but kids will be handicapped as much by emotional instability as by moving about, which is why it is important to come to a mutual agreement if possible.