child behaviour problems

S

sarah 2000

Guest
hi

Just looking for advice off people who have children with behaviour problems.i have a daughter who is six years old. she has no confidence and low self essteem. its a fight to get her to do things. she argues with me and never listens to what i have to say. she can be very mean too her brother sometimes. i was called into the school today by the teacher and she told me that her behaviour is out of order and that ill have to do something about it.

i dont know anyone who has a six year old and ask for advice. i dont know wheather to leave it and put it down to her "just been a kid". ive never done this before and its really only started in the last year.
its really starting to get me down and im starting to loose the bond we once had as i dont know what to do. ive tried punishing her, rewarding her, praising her when she is good and nothing works.

i have been having problems with her father. hes in and out of her life when he feels like it. he lets her down and i know it upsets her. could this be the reason why she is acting up??
would counselling help???
 
ive been talking to my g.p already and he practicly laughed at me. he didnt menstion anything about counselling or any other ideas.
 
You could try this website: .
its a resource for parents, run by a lady called Penny Gundry. She has numerous qualifications and experience in this field. She acts almost like a "supernanny" and she will meet you and your child, over a series of sesssions, either by telephone or personally. In my line of work i get many enquiries and calls for help with children and i always recommend her. Ive also spoken to her informally about my own son, and the advice and help she gives is always spot on.
It sounds to me like your child is insecure as a result of family disruption, and her behaviour could also be her way of unleashing frustration. She needs to find an outlet for her feelings. Children can get into a negative cycle that can be hard to break and even negative attention is some sort of attention.
Hope you resolve the issue.
 
thank you very much for the advise. ill go on that site as soon as pos. its nice to know i am not alone. that people understand what im going through. there is just not enough support for these kind of problems.
 
sarah 2000 said:
ive been talking to my g.p already and he practicly laughed at me. he didnt menstion anything about counselling or any other ideas.
Click to expand...
That is unbelieveable.
Dont give up anyway its important that you get your daughter some help now.
 
Hi Sarah, I was having similar problems with my daughter when she was about 7. I did see a child counsellor with her and it really helped to find the root of the problem. She really opened up when there was someone there who didnt seem to be out to punish her and just wanted to listen. In my situation, I split from her father when she was quite young and have since married. But her father was the opposite to your little girls father, at the door every evening, very controlling, constantly grilling her about her home life, what we were doing, saying to her, treating her. He was always asking if her step father was being mean to her etc etc. She just couldnt take the pressure at such a young age. Now she tells us everything he says, shares the burden. I don't confront him on every silly thing he says to her, but we discuss and it and talk about why he might have said it and she gets to a point where she is not worrying about it. Poor little thing was carrying this worry for so long on her own as she never knew what to say to him and sometimes even just told him what he wanted to hear which caused all sorts of problems! She was definitely acting out because of it. Sorry for the long post, it is a different situation in some ways but I think the root could the same. I hope you get the help you need.
 
Hi there,
I am probably the last person to be giving advise on children, but a friend of mine was having problems with one of her children - so much so that the gp prescribed ritilin.
My friend did not want to go down this route and (she is a nurse) was told by a doctor collegue to give her child omega three fish oils...
This did help my friends child to settle down....
 
There is help and counselling available out there, finding it is the tricky thing. Even the Samaritans phoneline might be able to advise you on counsellors in your area if you are having trouble finding the information you need. Or your public health nurse at your local health centre would have contacts, or would know if there is a child psychologist in your local health board area. I know the social welfare offices offer free counselling in some circumstances. If you get some sort of support system in place for yourself the situation will become easier to manage.
 
I think the first stop is to look for an emotional cause for the misbehaviour. I have a friend who is happily married, one child, no problems that I can think of and their son was just a demon. In that type of situation you should try reward charts etc. My friend has sent her son to Tae Kwon Do and found the discipline that comes with taking up a sport like this has worked wonders. The reward chart is still in operation and also controlling the type of diet he has, junk can contribute to bad behaviour.
I don't think this is the direction Sarah needs to take, yet anyway. There is a very obvious external factor that is influencing her daughter's emotions and probably resulting in her bad behaviour. That needs to be dealt with. There are plenty of people out there trained to deal with this, Its a disgrace that her GP did not take her seriously.
 
Whoever Sarah goes to see, she should ensure that they are properly qualified to work with children. too many counsellors claim they can do all sorts of things with an entire ignorance of the field. The HSE has Child & Adolescent Psychologists specially trained, and the service is free. See www.psihq.ie. They will take GP referrals.

the federation of services for single parents www.treoir.ie and Cherish www.onefamily.ie will also give good advise, also free. Gingerbread, the support group for single parents www.gingerbread.ie invaluable also
 
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I like the books by Dr. Tony Humphreys on famillies, self esteem etc.
The basic premise is to catch them being good and reward the good behaviour not give attention to the bad behaviour which is what we would most likely do. I think star charts with rewards to be gained after x amount of stars are great. Not necessarily monetary rewards either. Staying up later than your brother is the real favourite in our house.

Dr Christopher Green's book on taming toddlers and beyond toddlerhood is very very good.

Did you see the programmes on rte recently families in trouble?

Again it's all positive re-inforcement and building up self esteem.
Best of luck
 
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