Cash Gifts received at Wedding

I went to a wedding recently, a couple who were living together a while in a house they had bought together.

Included with the wedding invitation was a poem about how they didn't want a wedding present as they had all they needed but if a guest really wanted to give something, an anonymous cash donation would be welcomed (and the poem explained this much better than I just did, I'm sure). The poem went on to say that they would use the total gift to invest in a painting etc.

On the day, 2 boxes were provided - one for "best wishes" cards and one for envelopes containing any anonymous cash present.

Guess it took the pressure off those who felt unsure about the "going rate" and especialy the feeling of not wanting to seem mean.

They did mention after, that some people put their names in the "anonymous" envelope!

I agree with many of the other posters here, do not budget for cash gifts as part of wedding planning. The whole notion of giving any gift is a treat, if someone gives me cash as a gift I spend it on me not on bills, because that's the spirit of the gift.

We got a mixture of cash, gifts and vouchers. I agree with the comments regarding shop vouchers, the expiry date can be a problem. Also a BT voucher might seem like a good idea but short of spending it on clothes or cosmetics, its hard to justify some of the prices in their home department. The vouchers we did love were the Trailfinders vouchers our friends gave us which paid for an amazing holiday the year after, and also the voucher for a weekend in a hotel.

The cash we bought furniture and house stuff with. We'd moved into our apartment 6 months before the wedding and though we did have furniture, there were extra pieces we needed and bought.

Controversially, while some gifts are stil in their boxes several years on, the gifts I appreciate most are the unexciting things we use every day. Aborigine bowls from Oz which are perfect for serving Asian food in, the powered salt and pepper grinders, our nice corkscrew and our fabulous butchers block. Every time I use these I think of the people who gave them to us and smile.

As a guest I almost always give cash but hope the couples will buy something they need with it.

Our wedding cost plenty, whose doesn't. But we budgeted for that, negotiated with the hotel and other suppliers and got good deals. We did not use gifts to pay for our wedding, our day was our party, our treat to our friends and family. All we wanted was their company, any gifts received were just a bonus.

I think this is a an overdone subject at this stage. I have been to so many family and friends weddings and heard things like:you should only give cash or you should give enough cash to cover your meal and the associated costs (not that most of us know what the meal cost) etc etc........ I give what I feel is appropriate and what I can afford at that time.

Now that our turn to get married has come around, we are having a moderately sized wedding and are working hard to keep costs down. We will have to save very hard to pay for it all but that makes it a little bit more special in a way. I wouldn't dare ask a guest to give something in particular nor would I rate a guest by what they gave us.

I think its important to remember, that whilst a wedding is a very important day in the bride and grooms life, it[s not that important to your guests and you should be grateful that they are giving a day up to celebrate with you.

some such poems

We’ve been together for a few years now and have a lovely home,
There aren’t too many things that we don’t already own,
So if your thoughts were on a gift, your presence will suffice,
But if you really feel the need, then money would be nice

There isn’t a gift list of housey stuff,
We’ve been living in sin & have gathered enough.
Your attendance we ask for, that would suffice,
But if you wish to give a gift, then cash would be nice!
To celebrate the start of our married lives together,
We’d love to jet off to warmer weather.
Africa, America or Timbucktoo,
So long as we’re together, anywhere would do!

We had 85 people at our wedding. we had no list we got, 2 lamps, 2 paintings, a holy water font, ornaments, a 40 in lcd tv, a 3 day cruise on the shannon, photo frames vouchers, garden furniture, silverware, glasses, a clock, a burglar alarm and money. Money varied form 50 euro to 1000 euro depending on the guest. Some gave no gifts so it is very hard to gage. I got about 400 from a collection in work that was pretty unexpected.

Sorry but I think those poems are vulgar. If I got one in an invite I would take the part about not needing a gift very seriously!

shesells said:

Sorry but I think those poems are vulgar.

Click to expand...

Agreed, there is nothing 'cutesy' about them, its just a way of saying 'give me money'.

I agree we put nothing about gifts in our invitations. Saying that I gave 100 euro to a cousin who got married recently and I went alone (someone had to mind the baby!).

Could I remind any newly-weds who receive cash gifts to please acknowledge them. I have sent many wedding cash gifts, some quite large and have not had the courtesy of an acknowledgement to many of them.

I read this thread initially with disdain. After thinking more about it, I suppose its better to say (if pushed) cash instead of the guest otherwise wasting their time and money choosing unwanted gifts that are not appreciated. But TBH its something I would only and very hesitantly say to close friends and family who would probably know that themselves anyway. It puts too much pressure on people who may find attending the wedding expensive enough.

The 'poems' are really just awful. Why not just put an invoice in the invitation? If people really want to get married and can't afford a big wedding, have a small one!

I totally agree with acknowledging the cash gift. I have been to four weddings over the last 12 months where I have given cash gifts and have only received one acknowledgment. I was quiet suprised by the others especially since one couple spoke so many times on the run up to their wedding about how rude it was not to send thank you cards. Still waiting 6 months later ...!

For some reason the Irish seem to have a problem with gift lists. I personally think they are a great idea as they can range from anything to tea towels to putting 100 euro towards a new couch you have your eye on. Its suits everyones budget and it's easy to keep track of who gave you what to thank them later.

I don't like the idea of putting a poem about gifts in either. Its just as bad as telling guests what colour to wear, no hats or no dresses from such a shop.

We got married last year and I think altogether we recieved about 18000 in cash gifts. We had approx 200 guests at the wedding. We received very few presents. Not that we had requested this its just the way things are done in my family/circle of friends. We had the money saved to pay for our wedding so we had no debt because of it, instead now we have some savings which we will use towards a deposit on a house.

Thanks to everyone.

- We will be having a wedding a little larger than we can afford but that's life!! We could wait until we're forty and have a great big do or enjoy things now.

- I've never seen any of the poems and agree that they are just short of begging letters.

- Everyone will be getting a nice Thank You card for their attendance and/or gifts.

Hey, I got married last May and we have our house for the last 3 years, we got quite a lot of money the average amount we got was abouT 150€ per couple.... but don't bank on it as you don't always get that!!!!

Enjoy the build up it a lovely feeling

As more people (myself included) live with partner weddings have tended to become more about "how much is appropriate to give" than enjoying the day - what a pity! Most of my friends tend to give less if an 'acceptable rate' is stipulated implicitly or otherwise through friends or family.
I've been to weddings where the couple have stipulated a "going rate" of €500 per couple to donations to charity. A distant cousin sent a poem and a price list for the elements of his honeymoon and the wedding guests were expected to pay for it! Needless to say we didn't play ball.
Bring back reasonable wedding lists (which in principle I hate) or leave it to the guests to (genuinely) decide what is appropriate as a gift.
I'd hate to imagine my friends working out how much money they'll receive on their wedding day!

Why would you want over 200 people at your wedding - dont tell me you have 200 close friends that you want to share a very special occasion which should be very intimate with a crowd of people that you hardly know. Is it all to do with what you will get off them. What a sorry and sad reason two large weddings we attended in the last 10 years are no longer together maybe they should have spend more time looking at their relationships and less on organizing a circus!!! I know I might sound like a spoilsport but after 28 years in a very happy marriage where whe got 4 log boxes and numerous sets of saucepans let me tell you that these are the unimportant things at the end of the day.

Should married couples be declaring the cash gifts for taxable income as its always over the €3000 or so limit of a gift (or is that just for one person to another?).

Also hate the idea of giving cash, brother got married recently and it was the same thing....how much will we make? Maybe my attitude will change were I getting married but it all seems to be too cash related and I would think you should have a smaller wedding if you cant afford it.

I find this a silly statement:
"The OP wanted to know how much they could expect to get in cash from 220 people. Perhaps €10k? Perhaps that means they can go ahead and invite maybe 50 people they couldn't otherwise have asked"

If those people were important/close enough to the people involved they would be asked regardless, otherwise they are jsut being asked for the sake of it.


Obviously 150 toasters is the other extreme but there has to be a happy medium somewhere.