As per the load of previous posts about this and the arguments you have had. The spouses's pension that is paid when death is post retirement can be funded for. The death in service benefit which pays out on death while still an employee can't.
Yes, provided that the AVCs don't cause you to be overfunded at retirement when looking at the combination of main scheme benefits plus AVCs. As has been said in other threads, the likelihood of overfunding is quite small.