Budget & CGT - Ive gottta pay CGT ...again

Budget & CGT - Ive gottta pay CGT ...again

BUDGET


Unit 57
45-46 Upper O Connell St
Dublin 1
01 – 67678990 Ext 364

Oct 2004
Attention: All Male Tax Payers

A Chara,

The only thing the Minister for Finance has not taxed in recent years is your willy.
This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed.
30% of the time it is pissed off. 20% of the time it is hard up. 10% of the time
it is employed but operating in total darkness. Furthermore it has two dependents and they are both nuts.
From the 1st of Jan., 2005 your Willy will be taxed on its size using the “Willy Checker Scale” as follows:

10/12”&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Luxury Tax&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp €50 . 00
8/9”&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Pole Tax&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp €35. 00
6/7”&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Privilege Tax&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp €15. 00
4/5”&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Disability Tax&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp 5. 00

Note:
Anyone under 4” is eligible for a refund. Do not apply for an extention. Males with willies in excess of 12” should file under Capital Gains Tax or join a circus.

Could you please send us your correct measurements to ensure that you are placed in the correct tax bracket.

Mise le meas,

Ivor Dangler
Inspector of Taxes

The tax has some fine points to be factored in:


1. A married couple can accumulate length allowance. A woman is measured as 0". Therefore an 7.5" man can reduce his liability to zero by transferring his half of his liability to his wife!

2. This can not be done with common law or unmarried couples.

3. Gay marriages can not be recognised. Such suggestions of 3" 8" = 11" does not translate to a 5.5" shared liability (but FF fear this may become an election sore point).

I'm Fu*k*d if I am going to pay € 100 CGT on my willy!!:b

Good man Leatherarse, you're a star.

size matters?

that reminds me of different size condoms...small , medium and liar.

Re: size matters?

I can make mine a foot long.... bend it in two!!!!!!:rollin

Question Leatherarse ????

Have you ever seen the seriel number on a condom ??????

Seriel Number ????

NO ????

Didn't think so .......

Your obviously not rolling it back far enough ..... :rollin

Re: Seriel Number ????

The seriel number I always see on mine is....... 2b1g2go1n :lol

NICE .......

Nice ....

Re: NICE .......

Thats what all the women say.