Best “Out of Office” Automatic Replies

My favourite:

 
Excellent!
My favourite:
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
 
There is a girl I sort of work with who makes a job out of everything - the ordering of the 16 office diaries is one that comes to mind. I call her the DDQ (department drama queen) and think she should use the following auto reply:

I am in the office but not working...

Another friend started working in a help desk and for the first few weeks wanted to answer the phone with

Hello can you help me...