being nice gets you nowhere

Mel said:
I do the same.
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I read about a UK woman who used to give the same advice to her kids, but has now changed her mind with all the knife crime there. Sometimes it can be dangerous to hit back.
 
but i wouldnt tell any child to hit back, id drag the child to his parents and demand they deal with the child.


....sorry i didnt mean id actually DRAG the child!
 
Possibly, but going back to the original post, we were always told to be nice/ don't hurt anyone's feelings above nearly all else, and I feel I was a doormat for years as a result.

My son is big enough for his age that he doesn't really have the problem, but he has my full permission to hit back if someone starts it. It hasn't happened yet (to my knowledge).
 
I agree with posters about being polite but firm - I am never ever rude to people but I can be very firm if I have to. Other half is nice to everybody so much so that he gets walked over by everybody - there has to be a balance.
 
Blossy said:
but i wouldnt tell any child to hit back, id drag the child to his parents and demand they deal with the child.


....sorry i didnt mean id actually DRAG the child!
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Mammy or daddy won't always be there for little John/Mary. I was always thought to hold my own and don't be afraid to stand my ground. When I was in my teens I learned to read a situation and I would strike first if I know it was going to kick off. Anybody thats ever scrapped knows that first contact is a major advantage. thankfully I grew out of it.
 
Mel said:
Possibly, but going back to the original post, we were always told to be nice/ don't hurt anyone's feelings above nearly all else, and I feel I was a doormat for years as a result.
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If someone is rude or ignorant to me I have no problem upsetting him or her. In some cases I will go out of my way to make sure that they are upset.
For example a while back a guy supplying windows to me promised that he would have them on site before the Easter long weekend. He was quite rude to my wife when she called him to see where they were. As I had him mobile phone number I called him every day over the weekend, including Easter Sunday, first thing in the morning (before 7am), and last thing at night (after 11pm). The object of the exercise was to make him more upset and stressed about his failure than I was and in that I think I succeeded.
 
ney001 said:
I agree with posters about being polite but firm - I am never ever rude to people but I can be very firm if I have to. Other half is nice to everybody so much so that he gets walked over by everybody - there has to be a balance.
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If people are rude to me I will be more rude back. I find it cathartic.
 
ney001 said:
I agree with posters about being polite but firm - I am never ever rude to people but I can be very firm if I have to. Other half is nice to everybody so much so that he gets walked over by everybody - there has to be a balance.
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Like the Gardai, Does it also include you?
 
Nothing like a bit of righteous retribution when it is deserved, Purple

Going back to Pique318 and the backstabbers at work, I once got a particularly nasty and ruthless individual sacked. There were tears in his eyes as he stormed out. Still makes me smile.
 
Caveat said:
Going back to Pique318 and the backstabbers at work, I once got a particularly nasty and ruthless individual sacked. There were tears in his eyes as he stormed out. Still makes me smile.
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That's the spirit!
 

lol

Fancy a job ?
 


From the sounds of it, you seemed to be the nasty and ruthless individual
 
ok, just to note, i am not a walkover at all, i know noboday as said as such, but wonderred is it better to be nasty than to be nice in todays world?

ps alost of nasties here today hahah kidding.....

Maybe my opinion will change as my smallie gets older, i certainly hope he will be able to stand his ground and defend himself when needs be, but as smaller kids go, no point, ill sort it with the mother, whenever she returns for john/mary. ...no-one will mess with him then....he has a crazy mommy ......
 
As "nice" has various meanings/connations I prefer to think of myself as/aspire to being "straight up". i.e. no bullsh1t, give everyone fair play and expect/demand the same from others.

If being nice means being too worried about being liked then people will take liberties in the knowledge that there are no consequences. (fall into this trap a little)

As regards complaining to get your way - too much stress, not my style - most people are trying their best - I get no kick from abusing some call centre drone, they are clocking in too and while I want them to do their best to help me I dont expect them to have a personal investment in the issue. In a restaurant, unless its v. bad I wont say anything, if its bad enough I'll look for something else instead but try to avoid getting the hump or feeling martyred or want everyone to geneflect around me.

As regards fighting - I think of people having certain roles or skills and each to their own. So I'll avoid the notion of fighting because I'd be taking on some scumbag with plenty of practice who wouldnt hesitate to do things I wouldnt - that said if cornered then get your retaliation in first.
A less dramatic example of this theory is gambling, say poker - I've no interest in this so why put myself at the mercy of lads with the time for this craic who would clean me out.

As regards kids and fighting - I'd like my wee man to do boxing when he's older. I did a little bit myself (practically nothing) but enjoyed it, its great discipline and I think it would also give confidence. I'd try to instill the mantra of leaving scrapping to the scrappers but at least if cornered his retaliation in first might be more effective.

Maybe to sum up my overall philosophy its about not not shafting anyone. This doesnt mean you dont make the odd hard/clinical call, say about employees. Passengers drag you down, and from their point of view if they aint cutting the mustard they may as well find out and find their proper level (doesnt mean they are no good, they've just found themselves somewhere unsuitable) - that doesnt count as shafting them in my book, you have to be fair to yourself as well as to others.
 
It's nice to be nice, but respect is more important I think.

My son seems to have learnt a few nice smart retorts from the more streetwise of his classmates, and these stand to him well too (from the stories he deems worthy to be told to mother anyway ).

Someone picked on a physical attribute of his recently, asking him was he 'normal' - his retort was "shutup <insert common derogatory term for a physical attribute of the other child>". The other child walked away. My son didn't start it, but he was well able to finish it.
 
No Blossy, stay as nice as you are. Its good to be able to go through the day without offending and being ignorant to people and as you say your no walkover. We certainly have to be firm at times and not walked on and thats fine too. There are lots of nice people out there and you'll only recognise them if you are one yourself.
 
The coment about being with or without a conscience is spot on.

Being nice is something we're taught. We follow by example or sometimes we even determine to be the opposite of the example we see. And then as adults we make the choice of whether to continue or not. People have to work at being nice.

However quite often, the people who start off with the right attitude of being nice tend to have an expectation or hope of finding the same quality in others. The "treat others as you would like to be treated'" mindframe exists. But in life they will come across others who let them down or simply do not think this way and think that 'nice' is merely naive which frequently results in the original 'nice' person being disappointed, becoming cynical and not so nice.

Its a roundabout way of saying that nope it doesn't pay to be nice

I remember being asked in an interview once if I would prefer to be liked or respected. I can't remember what I answered at the time. In my mind they equated to pretty much the same thing. I pondered over the question for some time afterwards and came to the conclusion that if I like someone then I will respect them, whereas if I respect someone I don't necessarily have to like them. So my answer now would be I'd prefer to be liked.

BTW if you want to reinforce your belief in people watch my fav. film. Life Is Beautiful. Guaranteed to make even the hardest reach for the tissues.
 
Mel said:
his retort was "shutup <insert common derogatory term for a physical attribute of the other child>".
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Sounds like your child has spent too much time with a dictionary.
 
I treat people the same way as they treat me. If they are nice to me, I am nice back, if they are rude, I will be equally rude back.

I am very straight and direct. I have no time for bull. Why bother? I never let anybody down, be it friends/family or work. I always go that extra mile to be there for people. However, I expect the same back and it can lead to disappointments as not everybody is the same.

The worst thing that ever happened to me was that someone I had been involved with cheated. It was a seven year relationship. I caught him out in a serious way and it was a particularly nasty incident and showed him to be a terrible character. It was like something on one of those plots out of Eastenders. To this day, it was a really weird way I found out and looking back now, I know God was looking down on me that day. It was Friday 13th as well. Having said that, I was in work when I found out and just walked out of the office and kept walking round and round the business park in circles in a daze from 12 o clock till five 30. My poor old boss did not know what to do. It really knocked me for six, and took ages to get over. I am quite a strong person, but it really took the wind out of my sails because I never expected a let down. Also, because it showed I had been a poor judge of character and it rocked my character to the core. I can laugh about it now, because parts of it are quite funny, which is a good thing though!

No, it does not always pay to be nice but some people are naturally more easy going than others. We are all Bertie Bassets and thats what makes the world go round.
 
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