Back to School Teacher Jokes

[IrishGunner]

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the
floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said its H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't
punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before
eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
Your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.


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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
People are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher.

 

[DrMoriarty]

Love the last one...

AFTER THE SCHOOL HOLIDAYS



The junior infants class comes to school back after the summer holidays.

Teacher asks Nóirín: "What did you do during the school holidays?"

Nóirín says: "I played in the sandbox."

Teacher says: "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write

'sand' correctly, I'll give you a bag of sweets."

She does and gets a bag of sweets.

Teacher asks Seán what he did in the holidays.

Seán says: "I played with Nóirín in the sandbox."

Teacher says: "Good. If you write 'Box" correctly on the blackboard, I'll

give you a bag of sweets."

Jimmy does, and gets a bag of sweets.

Teacher then asks Mustapha Abdul Machmoud what he did in the holidays. He

says: "I tried to play with Nóirín and Seán, but they threw rocks at me."

Teacher says: "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial

discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial

discrimination' I'll give you a bag of sweets."

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