Are you expected to go to funeral?

SteelBlue05 said:

What is unusual is asking them if they would like you to attend the funeral. I cant believe you or anyone else would do that.

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I don't see any problem in asking this question. What if the situation is that it's a totally private family funeral and you rock on up becoming the only outsider there at all. Which would make you feel more uncomfortable then? Being the only person there, or asking the question beforehand?

Obviously, you can phrase the question in some other indirect phrasing which I'm sure you'd be much better putting your mind to.

How about, for starters, while offering condolances, asking something along the lines of "what are the arrangements for the funeral, I was thinking that I might come and pay my respects and see you, my friend". Depending on the response, you can decide then what you want to do.

Course, you could also just go with your instincts. If you're thinking you should be there, then just go. No need for a debate.

My rule of thumb would be to go to any funeral you have a connection to if you can, taking all other external factors into account, distance to travel or kids to have looked after, whether you'd have to take a day off work etc.
You'd be surprised at what can be considered external factors in relation to things like this, a classic is whether other friends are going and you wouldn't go normally but because they are you will too.
Otherwise, again depending on external factors, you could attend the removal the evening before the funeral.
In the circumstances you've described if you are very close to this friend who was in turn very close to the deceased relative then I'd try to attend either the removal or the funeral. If you are not that close to the friend or they aren't that close to the relative then I'd just offer my condolences and leave it at that.

If it's a good friend - go. If only to the removal.

Janet said:

When my father died most of my friends asked me if they would like me to go to the funeral.

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If it were my friends father, then I would definately go to the funeral, without even asking (unless, the obituary states that the funeral is "strictly private"). I think it would be expected to of me to be there.

Joe1234 said:

If it were my friends father, then I would definately go to the funeral, without even asking (unless, the obituary states that the funeral is "strictly private"). I think it would be expected to of me to be there.

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I think people may have "House Private" rather than "
"Funeral Private"

Yes, jdwex, House private is more common than funeral private, but I have heard a few obituaries over the past year (approx) that have stated house and funeral private.