Are you expected to go to funeral?

S

SteelBlue05

Guest
Ok I dont want to sound odd but a grandma of a good friend of mine has died, I never met her in my life but would I be expected to go to the funeral. I dont even know my friends parents very well. I dont know whats expected or the norm? If it was a parent of my friend then I would be in no doubt (touch wood).

I've already spoken to my friend and offered condolences..
 
ClubMan said:
Expected by whom? :confused:
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Would my friend expect it? Would you expect it?

If this was one of his parents (God forbid) I would be in no doubt but as I dont know his Grandparents at all nor his parents very well then I dont know.
 
If you can attend then I would. It means a lot to people to have people they know make an effort to attend a funeral of a family member, it is a mark of respect for your friend. If you are a close friend I would go.
 
I always feel you attend funerals more for the people who were left behind than the one who has died. If your friend is very upset by this and you think it would be a comfort to them for you to be there then I would go.
 
Janet said:
I always feel you attend funerals more for the people who were left behind than the one who has died. .
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yeah good point. I will go.
 
SteelBlue05 said:
Would you expect it?
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I never knew the woman either so certainly I wouldn't expect it. You could always ask your friend if s/he expects it.
 
ClubMan said:
I never knew the woman either so certainly I wouldn't expect it. You could always ask your friend if s/he expects it.
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Thanks for the usual unhelpful and sarcastic comments Clubman.
 
ClubMan said:
What's unhelpful about my suggestion that you ask your friend? :confused:
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Do you honestly think that is something a person would do??
 
Why not? What's objectionable/unusual about commiserating with somebody on their loss and then asking them if they would like you to attend the funeral? It's also the obvious way to answer your original question as to whether or not you will be expected to attend.
 
ClubMan said:
Why not? What's objectionable/unusual about commiserating with somebody on their loss and then asking them if they would like you to attend the funeral? It's also the obvious way to answer your original question as to whether or not you will be expected to attend.
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Nothing at all unusual about commiserating with somebody, thats not in question.

What is unusual is asking them if they would like you to attend the funeral. I cant believe you or anyone else would do that.
 
ClubMan said:
Why not? What's objectionable/unusual about commiserating with somebody on their loss and then asking them if they would like you to attend the funeral? It's also the obvious way to answer your original question as to whether or not you will be expected to attend.
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I think it would be insensitive to ask the person who has suffered a loss whether they wanted you to attend the funeral or not.

If it was me, and I was close to the friend, I would attend the funeral. If I was not that close to the friend, I would not attend if the funeral was a good distance away, if it was nearby I would attend. Either way, asking the friend is not an option!
 
Believe what you and feel free to take or leave my constructive (and hopefully helpful to some) suggestion.
 
ClubMan said:
Believe what you and feel free to take or leave my constructive (and hopefully helpful to some) suggestion.
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I felt your previous comments ("I never knew the woman either so certainly I wouldn't expect it.") were sarcastic and therefore far from constructive. Why, as an Administrator, do you respond this way?
 
Can we stick to the original question please?

It is an option to ask the person affected would they like you to go to the funeral or not, i.e. would your presence be of help to them.

Most of this necessaitates personal judgement-there are no 'right' or 'wrong' answers-please remember that.
 
SteelBlue05 said:
What is unusual is asking them if they would like you to attend the funeral. I cant believe you or anyone else would do that.
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It's really not unusual in my experience. When my father died most of my friends asked me if they would like me to go to the funeral. Similarly when a friend's granddad died a while back we asked her if she wanted us there. Depends on the friends and how close your relationship is perhaps.
 
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