S
shnaek
Guest
Corporate lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over
which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up,
quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the
door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a
word, Bob says,"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on"
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up
in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom,
her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next
door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say
anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in
time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.
Corporate lesson 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he
stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and
crossed her legs,forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The
priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the
car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and
immediately said, "Father,remember psalm 129?" The priest was
flustered and apologised profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand.
However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on while
changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once
again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest
apologised. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the
convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her
way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a
bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you
will find glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great
opportunity
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three
wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says
the admin clerk "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me
next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing
on the beach with my personal masseuse, an Endless supply of pina coladas
and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie
says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the
office after lunch."
Moral of story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all
day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the
ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared,
jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management lesson
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the
energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull.
"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung
and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest
branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he
reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was
proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted
by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson
Bull sh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Corporate Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying
there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay
there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realise how warm it was. The dung
was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and
soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came
to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under
the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Management Lesson
1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over
which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up,
quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the
door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a
word, Bob says,"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on"
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up
in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom,
her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next
door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say
anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in
time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.
Corporate lesson 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he
stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and
crossed her legs,forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The
priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the
car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and
immediately said, "Father,remember psalm 129?" The priest was
flustered and apologised profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand.
However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on while
changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once
again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest
apologised. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the
convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her
way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a
bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you
will find glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great
opportunity
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three
wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says
the admin clerk "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me
next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing
on the beach with my personal masseuse, an Endless supply of pina coladas
and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie
says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the
office after lunch."
Moral of story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all
day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the
ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared,
jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management lesson
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the
energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull.
"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung
and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest
branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he
reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was
proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted
by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson
Bull sh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Corporate Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying
there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay
there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realise how warm it was. The dung
was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and
soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came
to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under
the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Management Lesson
1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut