50 and confused. Wanting to plan to step back from pressurised role

D

DeeKie

Registered User
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1,022
Personal details

Age: 50
Spouse’s/Partner's age: 50

Number and age of children: 9, 11


Income and expenditure
Annual gross income from employment or profession: 400k
Annual gross income of spouse: 100k

Monthly take-home pay 11,000 (but get paid lump sums too from time to time)

Type of employment: e.g. Civil Servant, self-employed

self employed. However I’m getting burnt out so want to step back in about a year to a job worth about 100k.

In general are you:
(a) spending more than you earn, or
(b) saving?

Saving

Summary of Assets and Liabilities
Family home worth €850k with a €0k mortgage
Cash of €300k
School/ college fund :30k
Defined Contribution pension fund: €850k
Other half has pension of about 30k. Finally persuaded them to start a while back
Company shares : €11k mixed in DEGIRO

Other borrowings – car loans/personal loans etc no

Do you pay off your full credit card balance each month? Yes

Buy to let properties

none

Other information which might be relevant

I have a capital loan (195k) to reflect my contribution to the partnership I’m in. If I left tomorrow this would be fully paid off by the firm I’m under an indemnity so I’m not worried about it nor do I think about it much.

I will get an inheritance of 250k in the next 15 years

What specific question do you have or what issues are of concern to you?

I am completely burnt out in my job and finding it very tough mentally. So I am planning to resign next January. I’m going to see if I can find another job with less stress and less hours. Probably will be around 100k. In the meantime I want to get my finances in order. Our house is small and needs an extension. We’ve been quoted 300k. I’m thinking instead we buy another house in the neighbourhood and am interested in one that is guiding 1.2 million which is turnkey and would give us the space we’d need. I’m not sure what costs will arise from selling our own (bought for 650, 100k refurbished (no extension), we’ve been told it would sell for 850 to 900k).

I will be sticking 28k into my pension this year as I’ve done for many years. I might have to top up what the firm holds for tax payments. So that puts us to a small mortgage for the attic and kitchen extension, or dipping into college fund(probably the latter). Or buying a new gaff with a mortgage, followed by the sale of the current house. I can’t decide between the new gaff (what are the hidden taxes / costs) and doing up the current house.

I feel I’m hopeless with money. It’s just been sitting in Bank of Ireland. I feel if I had a financial plan I’d feel more confident about stepping down from the role. Any suggestions welcome. I feel that I have to make a decision on the house situation. Having a suitable family home psychologically will allow me to step back from the career.

Last edited: 21 Jan 2022
 
You are doing great,

I my opinion you should buy the new house (I'm sure you can get a mortgage and buy it while holding the current one) then sell your old house once the new one is secured. The only real costs to sell will be your estate agent fees and Legal costs, 12-15k all in.

How feasible is it to go from what you are doing into a 100k a year job, sounds like you have a consulting or professional services partnership, can you go back to the level of someone in their early 30s?
 
DeeKie said:
I am completely burnt out in my job and finding it very tough mentally. So I am planning to resign next January.
Click to expand...
Does it have to be 'all or nothing'? Is there no way you can take a step back within the partnership? Don't underestimate the level of stress you'll take on to get a job paying 100k somewhere else.
Reach out to your professional network, and talk to anyone that's made changes. Your options might depend on the size of partnership you're in, and the career stage of thd other partners.

DeeKie said:
Or buying a new gaff with a mortgage, followed by the sale of the current house. I can’t decide between the new gaff (what are the hidden taxes / costs) and doing up the current house.
Click to expand...
There is a tipping point just over 1m euro where you'll get much more house for your money, so you might get a big upgrade moving from a house that'll sell in the 800k range. What I would say is the biggest hidden costs are deciding the house isn't exactly the way you want it, and spending 100k+ on cosmetic changes, furnishing, and redoing a garden. If the property is 'turnkey' make sure it actually is.

DeeKie said:
Other half has pension of about 30k. Finally persuaded them to start a while back
Click to expand...
In terms of your family finances, this jumps out. In retirement you both have individual tax bands, so it's inefficient if you've a huge pension and your spouse has a small one. You should be maximising spouses pension contributions, including AVC backdated to last year.
 
Can you just take an 8 week break now to get some mental space. I think that would be very helpful, to have some time to slowdown and just be for a while. If for example you were out hiking this weekend and fell off a hill and you were out of action for 8 weeks what would happen at work. Then apply the same principle to your burnout.

My advice would be to buy the 1.3 mil house if you and spouse love it. Costs will be legal, moving, and any cosmetic updates to your new house. Get a mortgage now while you are working in current job, so you may need to move fast to get it all organised. Use your €330 for deposit, fees etc.

I agree with Blackrock to sell your current house after moving, it will be vacant and you can stage it for fast sale with no chain. You will end up with mortgage of about €400K which you can pay off over the next 18 years. It will probably be a bit tricky to get it all together. A quick calculator says your repayments would be €15K per month on a 1.3 mil with €250K deposit, so hold some money back from deposit to pay mortgage and costs in first few months. Once you pay proceeds of sale off mortgage the repayments are down to €2500 per month.

I am assuming you are waiting until Jan to get your year end bonus? If you do resign again take some time for your next role, your spouse can cover the €2500 mortgage. And you will probably pick up freelance work easily? Work a couple days a week, take the kids to school, enjoy life.

Both of you have great earning potential, if in a few years you want to clear the mortgage you can get more work. Focusing on your health and well-being now will be great for you in the future.
 
I feel I owe it to my family to get the house sorted and I can look at the rest of my finances then. Yes. Maybe this new house is worth the hassle.
 
DeeKie said:
I am completely burnt out in my job and finding it very tough mentally. So I am planning to resign next January.
Click to expand...
I think you should park all thoughts in relation to the house until you have resolved your work situation.

If your current role is starting to impact your mental health, then resolve to quit in the new year. Don't make that decision contingent on having secured an alternative role. Just walk away.

That will give you the head space to decide what you want to do next.

With a well funded pension, a mortgage free home and a working spouse, you can definitely afford to step back to a less demanding role.

Once that's sorted, you can decide what you want to do about your housing situation.

Just my 2 cents.
 
Do you pay CGT on a family home? On the partnership side it’s very difficult to manage a step back from equity.
 
DeeKie said:
Do you pay CGT on a family home? On the partnership side it’s very difficult to manage a step back from equity.
Click to expand...
No cgt, buying then selling (if you can, and you can) is far less stressful.

Have you considered speaking to a professional about your stress levels, a lot of stress comes from within, may with some professional guidance it could be more manageable, as another poster said I know plenty of people in 50 to 100k jobs stressed out as well
 
Yes. I went to my doctor who offered to sign me off work. I’ve had a lot of stress over the years, but I’d a death of a parent and various other stuff compounding it this time. I’ve a team very dependent on me at work. I’m under pressure to take the top role too but am going to resist that and work hard at doing only what is essential. I’d feel a lot more empowered with a decision made about the house and a bit of a plan for the future
 
That’s an interesting proposition. I had income protection in my last partnership but o don’t know if I’ve got it on the newer one. Must check it out.
 
First things first, you're a millionaire. never a bad place to start off on a financial makeover !

I would suggest you go and get some professional tax advice. Your situation is somewhat more complicated then most people who come on here in that it sounds like you are both and employee and a partner and you need to properly understand the legal and tax ramifications of stepping away.

If not done already, look at ensuring you have wills etc sorted. it may sound morbid but it happens. Likewise do a full review of your health insurance and tax claims for any health expenses

Lastly, start planning the big family holiday. You can afford it and it may help you in terms of stepping back and getting an understanding of what is next. BTW, don't assume a job paying 100k is less stressful, it could be even more stressful but you're just getting paid less
 
In terms of taking a job at 100k, it sounds as if you may have the skills and contacts to pick up consultancy work at €1200 per day or thereabouts, and then work 2 days per week for your 100k. You may even be able to do that through your current partnership / business if you have partners who would be glad to keep you on.
 
I'm not going to give you financial advice as I think everyone covered it above....

I'm the same age as you with kids a bit older. I wanted to comment on the burnout piece if I may.
You have achieved a lot and are very secure and have weathered the storm in getting there - well done.
Similar to you I had a pretty high pressure (but not as well paid) job in the past and was on the same trajectory. Stress, juggling and a lot of late nights, early starts were par for the course for me. I did a Post Grad, then a Masters while my kids were very young and the sky seemed the limit.
Like you I felt really burned out, no time to enjoy success, constant knawing feeling of not being on top of things. Mentally not great.
I ignored the burn out feelings for a long time, started to work with a therapist who told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to radically change. I didn't really listen.
I was flying to the states a good bit for work and feeling more burnt out than normal. In 2010, pre conference, just off a plane, in a hotel in the USA I suffered a burnout that left me hospitalised and in a psyc secure ward. The worst time of my life. I came home, got referred to a psychiatrist, emergency team and my GP. I spent nearly two years in a state of constant panic, anxiety and at times very low mood. I could not work, I didnt hear from my colleagues, work dried up. I started working with a psychotherapist to see how to fix this and I developed a great relationship with her. She passed away suddenly. Rock bottom.

I was really lucky - I found a phenomonal psychotherapist who pieced my life back together. He got me living, got me to see life differently . Got me to listen to the voice inside that would not accept my efforts.
I went freelance, I developed a chronic pain condition that Iive with today. I worked as best as I could, I spent so much time with my family, I upskilled, managed on very little money and got better. Its now 13 years from that time. I'm happy, relatively well, have enough but not lots of money, I check in with my psychotherapist, I am a help line volunterer for the Samaratains, I am re- training to be a psychotherapist. I play cards with my kids every day and watch them grow up before me. Simple stuff.

Why am I telling you all this stuff? Because we only get about 4000 weeks on this earth. We get a daily small oppprtunities to interact with our kids and then they are gone, they disapear and they grow up and away.

I think its great you got financial success but be careful about looking for more. Why more? You are 50, same age as me. Time to reflect, maybe think about what you want, not ignore the burnout feelings. I ignored it and it taught me a big life lesson. Now I'm the happiest I have ever been, I do not have the financial security I wanted but I don't have stress or a boss or a feeling I'm not achieving. I'm doing OK. Maybe the big push for security is your thing but don't let it de-rail your life, look after yourself, we are fragile sometimes, we lose our way, get sick, things happen quickly. If you are feeling burnt out now have a plan to not get burnt out and put it into place.
Hope this is not too much of a big long saga but nobody told me what burnout could do.
If you are looking for the bigger house/ car/ whatever bear in mind you are creating more constraints and difficulty for yourself - sometimes for something you don't need. I wish you the very best, happiness, health and contentment. Your kids are young still but gone soon enough. Create experiences!
 
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