41, not sure what to do. Cash rich, time poor.

T

Throwaway555

New Member
Messages
5
Personal details
Your age: 41, only child.
Partner's age if not married: 38
Number and age of children: 0


Income and expenditure
Annual gross income from employment or profession:
€102,000, but shorter working year scheme (6/52 weeks) brings this to €92,000
Annual gross income of spouse/partner:
Not at the stage of knowing yet! I suspect €60,000.

We are not living together yet.

Monthly take-home pay:
€4,000-ish for me

Type of employment - e.g. Employee or self-employed.
Health service, permanent, fulltime, pensionable. Started in 2008.

Employer type: e.g. public servant, private company.
Health service

In general are you:
(a) spending more than you earn, or
(b) saving?
Saving far more than I spend, saving €3500 per month at least.

Summary of Assets and Liabilities
Family home value: Approx €600,000.
Living with parents for > 3years due to their age plus mothers early/mid stage Parkinsons. No paid care yet.
Unlikely to be able to leave – partner would have to move in if it gets to that.

Mortgage on family home: €0
Net equity: €600,000
Parents have about 200k in various bank accounts and this 600k house.

My Cash:
Defined Contribution pension fund:
Health service pension, start date 2008 so as far as I know the “middle” pension scheme. Not the currently offered one, but the previous with lump sum based on career final earning.

Total net assets:
Assets split broadly due to deposit guarantee
pTSB – 118k (0% interest)
AIB – 100k (0% interest)
Raisin – 103k (3.25% interest, maturing mid-2025)
Zurich Life – 80k (Investment)

Family home mortgage information
Living with parents, no mortgage, peppercorn rent

Other borrowings – car loans/personal loans etc
Do you pay off your full credit card balance each month? Yes
No other loans

Pension information
Health service pension
Absolutely impossible to get information on it. 9 months waiting list for reply on emailed requests, apparently.
Value of pension fund: No idea. I do know that if worked until 65 I would have 40 years service, but I would plan to leave long before that.
Start date 2008. So the "middle" pension scheme with lump sum based on career final earning. I think.

Buy to let properties
None

Other savings and investments:
Total net assets as above.

Other information which might be relevant
Been going out for a year with a girl. We are not living together yet (difficulty of me needing to live with parents due to mothers health and father is elderly, yes I’m a bit trapped! No outside help/gardening/cleaning is allowed so I have plenty to do) She earns I think about 60k but has small savings only. Biiiiig difference in overall wealth. This does worry me a little and what she could be entitled to. If we ever live together the only way it is really feasible to do it is for her to move in with me and my parents. I would have worries about how/if she could get a common law share in the house/assets somehow. I don't think she's that type of person but I need to take precautions due to the earning disparity. She doesn't know how much I have specifically but she must have an idea.

What specific question do you have or what issues are of concern to you?
I am very worried that I am not investing my money well, as it is mostly just sitting in 0% interest bank accounts. Zurich Life barely doing anything. 100k in Raisin earning a few %, which is good. AIB/pTSB is just sitting there losing value due to inflation.

I feel I have plenty of cash, but not enough to retire yet. I earned this money through hard work over the years... it also involved the buying, mortgage payoff and selling for a profit of an apartment in Dublin that I owned and lived in. I am completely debt free.

I don’t know what to do with it all to be honest. My ideal is to substantially cut down my working hours if the HSE let me, or retire at about 45 altogether. But it’s a very lucrative, if extremely stressful job which uses up 12 hours per day, 4 days per week and leaves me lifeless for a 5th! I then need to give ample time helping parents around the house and with health, and spending a bit of time with herself on the other weekend days. I have absolutely zero time for myself.

The 200k from my parents may need to go on nursing home care for one/both of them, as well as some of the value of the house to Fair Deal if it came to that. I can afford to pay for their nursing home care should their cash assets run out. They are 78/77. He’s in good health, she has Parkinsons. He would go into a nursing home himself so as not to impede me in any way (his words) if it came to it, she would likely completely refuse any outside care and would expect me to do 24/7 care.

That said, I don’t really NEED anything material – I have a paid off car, I don’t pay any more than peppercorn for accommodation, I am not wanting for anything only time.

I have taken 6 weeks total of shorter working year scheme in 2024 and 2025. Any form of hours reduction is being met with severe pressure from the parents though it is my call at the end of the day.

Some form of pension topup perhaps to boost the HSE pension and retire early? PRSI AVCs etc? All so I can retire early?

What could I safely invest in that is fairly low risk and doesn't require too much management? And isn't a tax nightmare?

Any other advice?

Thanks a mil.
 
I think you need support that is not just financial. It seems like you have a lot going on and I am in admiration of you caring for your parents and also maintaining your work and your personal life.

As an only child you don't have siblings to speak with, but do you have trusted relatives or friends who you can share your feelings with? Or can you engage with a therapist or an organisation that helps families with aged care? I would see if you can get some advice on this before making any changes to your financial or retirement plans.
 
I worry that you list your parents assets as your own, the €600K house and €200K cash. You will probably inherit what is left after they pass away but they may eat a lot into the house and cash before then. And they may as is their choice leave it all to charity.

You are only spending €500 a month between, rent, food, transport, entertainment, clothes, health, utilities etc so it seems as if your parents are funding the majority of your lifestyle.

Having said that you clearly are devoted to their care and give a lot back to your parents in time and care.

On a personal side you seem to have a great opportunity to build your own family with your girlfriend and it is obvious your care duties and impinging a lot on that. At your age you should be in a position to decide a lot quicker if she is going to be your life partner. So assume that is a yes and you want her in your life permentantly. Does this involve marriage and kids - what do ye dream of? Once life partners your assests and debts merge, and you build a lifestyle based on both.

So what would work?
Build a granny flat onto your parents house so you can live separate lives but be on hand?
Internally split the house in two?
Build a garden room and sleep there but share the living areas in the house?

You have the savings to make any of those happen. Legalise your position around ownership of the house/granny flat etc so you and your family are protected from eviction. You and your parents would need separate legal advice.

You have to make a leap of trust. Trust that you and the girlfriend will build a happy life together. Trust that your parents also care about your future happiness. You girlfriend may be able to ease your workload at home - like prepping dinner for the 4 of you as you do your 12 hr shifts. Stuff like that. Lay out your cards with the girlfriend and your parents with all your worries and wishes and they may have ideas that you might not have thought possible.

I would recommend you use your savings to build a happy life with your girlfriend
Continue working as you probably do not have enough to retire.
Spend some of your savings on buying in help for your parents - whether it is gardening or painting. You say your mother won’t have it, but tell her it makes you happy and the alternative makes you miserable.

Best of luck
 
I'd actually start with your parents and whilst they are of sound mind, have a conversation with them to ensure wills and everything are done and up to date, it makes life easier in the future. Worth having a conversation with them perhaps about a POA down the line as well, I know too many people who left it too late to sort these things out and it got messy.

Do your research on career breaks, carer benefits etc so you understand your options if you ever have to take advantage of one of those, both from a work perspective, social welfare perspective etc. Be prepared is the first piece of advice.

Secondly, is there anything that needs to be done in the house now, especially with Parkinsons? Age friendly bathroom, grab rails etc. Some money may need to go on that.
 
At the very least get your cash into decent deposit rated accounts, invest in your relationship, your parents wont be around forever and i understand its a big burden being an only child but you are middle aged now yourself you need your own life, dont waste mental energy wondering about what someone will be entitled to, take the relationship on its merits.

Also you say there is no time for you, time with your partner is your time, you shouldnt be looking at it in 3 buckets.

Finally what in god's name do you want to retire at 45 for? By all means find a different job but thats a pathway to being a full time carer.
 
If you need more time I suggest you look at changing jobs and maybe moving to a lower level elsewhere in public sector. You should very carefully examine the pension options (single scheme & post-2005 scheme). If you're moving to a lower paid job in the public sector it may be worth preserving your current post-2005 pension benefits and moving to the Single Scheme.
  • The Post-2005 HSE scheme is almost certainly equivalent to the Post-2005 Civil Service Scheme. You can find detailed information and modelers by googling "civil service pension scheme post 2005 handbook".

In the Civil Service at least you could look at a shorter working week/jobsharing as well as the shorter working year. If you don't need the money (and your financial future already looks pretty secure to my eyes). Your liquid assets alone would set you up with a property to live in even in Dublin.

While you're clearly very supportive of your parents, you're not their live-in servant. You (and they) have plenty of liquid assets, but they're worthless if nobody is willing to spend them to improve their lives.

I suggest you & they consider:
  • Home carers eg Comfort Keepers etc
  • A gardener as frequently as required
  • A cleaner as frequently as required.
While you may have a moral obligation to support your parents, this is not equivalent to being compelled to suffer because they refuse to accept support from elsewhere. Refusing outside help is a poor decision.
  • You should frame this as YOU getting help, not them. Your mother may not want to accept any outside help on her behalf, but she may be more accepting of allowing her only child get help for themselves. Same thing, different perspective...

As for your relationship, it seems to me that if your primary concern is protecting your assets & future inheritances from the possibility of her gaining an interest in them AND you don't know how much she earns after a year AND by the sounds of things you only have time to see her one day of the week, this isn't the greatest foundation for a relationship in my opinion.

Your savings & investments are a bit of a contradictions as well. You want a good return with low risk, and I have bad news for you on that score....You complain your Zurich investment isn't doing a whole lot, but this is completely the opposite of my Zurich experience which suggests to me that you're too focused on the low risk and not enough on the return. The standard risk-return balance recommendation would be an index ETF based on the S&P 500; if you go through Zurich they deal with the tax, and I'm assuming the other providers are similar.
  • Ultimately you're going to have to make a decision about what's important to you. Your relationship and current job and parents are in competition with one another, you're going to make sacrifices. Not doing so consciously is equivalent to sacrificing the relationship, as your partner will probably ultimately walk away from the person who has no time for them and won't have time for them for several more years.
  • You also need to make decisions about what your risk appetite is. Again, you're already doing this: by holding so much cash you're running the risk of losing a ton due to inflation. It's not clear when you sold your apartment etc but you're living with your parents over 3 years and inflation in the last 3 years was 15.5%. This means that your €400k now is equivalent to €346 3 years ago, so you've lost over €50k. The same €400k in October 2021 invested in the S&P 500 would be worth €520k today.
  • Risk also applies to your relationship. Will your girlfriend wait forever for you to be able to spend more time with her? A serious relationship is far more than "spending a bit of time with herself". You might get burned emotionally & financially if she moves in etc. It's a risk in every relationship really, and it's the same for her in fairness- if she commits to spending her life with you and you break up in 5 or 10 years time and she has no home, has gone past the possibility of having kids, has had her heart shredded etc. You're not the only one exposed to risk here.
  • Again with risk, this applies to your relationship with your parents too. Do you want to resent them because you're spending years living with & caring for them when you could maybe have been developing your own relationship & building your own family? If they love you, they'll be happier with you living your life more fully so you're happy. Your father's comment about going into a nursing home so as not to impede may be intended along these lines. Equally there's a risk they could resent you if you move out again or insist on getting help with cleaning, caring etc.
 
Can't emphasise this enough. The money is only one aspect of it. Fair play to you for doing the best by your parents, but I wouldnt blame you for feeling a little 'trapped' (cant think of a better word at the moment). Would be worth your while trying to find someone to talk things through with.
 
The OP is in a complex situation but one becoming increasingly common as a growing number of 40-50 years olds are dropping out of the workforce either through ill health or to care for parents.

I was surprised to learn Irish birth rates during the 18th and 19th centuary were low. Yes, Catholic families had a large number of children but marriage rates were well below the European average for one simple reason: housing. The culture norm was eldest son would take over the farm after father passed and the mother would remain living in the cottage; a prospect few potential future wives found appealing. Hence the high rate of unmarried men.

So it was in the past, so it is today. I highly doubt your partner will find the propect of moving into your family home with your two eldery parents appealing as she will have near zero rights and own nothing of her own. She will want her own home and her own space and her own security and your mother will likely resent her presence.

(IMO the earning disparity between 60k and 90k is not significant especially after marginal tax rates are applied.)

My own parents made the mistake of moving in with a "spinster" aunt on my mothers side in the late 1970's. My father had returned from England with enough savings to buy half a house but times were tough and work was uncertain so they took the safe option of building an extension onto the aunts house. They both said much later it was the biggest mistake they ever made. My mother wanted her own home and my great aunt came to resent feeling like a lodger in her own home and my father was stuck between the two.

I have a uncle-in-law who faced a similar situtation as yours. Collectively his parents and his immediate family decided to sell their respective homes, pool resources and buy a large property together. The uncle and his wife and kids gained a large house, his parents gained an attached granny flat in a large gounds and a shared kitchen and grandkids. It worked out very well for all concerned but they were very pragmatic people.

Any financial advice will depend on your goals which in turn depend on the decisions you may need to make: you have a well paying but high pressure job, you have parents who need care, you have a girlfriend you want to live with.

I suspect you can have two of those options as all three might not be sustainable for you over five to ten years. But you get to choose :-

1) Accept the status quo and suffer through it.
2) Leave your job to care full time for your parents and spend time with your girlfriend.
3) End the relationship to give yourself more time to rest in-between working and caring for your parents.
4) Persuade your parents of the reality of needing outside help and move into a rented/bought place with your girlfriend while continuing to work.

You have the financial means for any of these options.

One low risk action you can take take is opening a regular saving account. BoI is offering 3% interest for the first year for their instant access Regular Saver account and AIB has similar. They wont accept lump sums but it will slow down the build up of funds in your zero interest deposit accounts.

State savings are guaranteed by the state, tax free, can be withdrawn with seven days notice and offer 1.5%+ depending the duration. It's not a terrible low risk option for a year or two while you figure things out.

Broker apps like Trading 212 offer free "practice" accounts you can use to learn investing risk free using fake money. Personally I would lean towards global ETFs for DIY investments while keeping enough money in an interest paying saving account to sleep well at night.
 
I know you're looking mainly for financial advice, and there's lots of that here.
But, I'd say grab your lady by the hand, make a leap of faith and make a life with her before its too late.
Well done for looking after your parents.
Your parents not allowing outside help when they clearly need it and have the means and you're already flat out sounds a bit abusive and controlling to me. Therapy might help you to have the courage to gain more control of your life there.
Best of luck.
 
I just realised that, although I read every response, I never actually replied to this thread... so I'll bump it back from the dark ages.

Since I posted originally, I have gotten all but about 30k into the regular fixed savings accounts at the banks in the following way -
AIB: 100k (got the 3.02% or whatever it was for two years)
pTSB: 75k (2.6ish%)
Raisin: 100k (3ish%, Due July 2025)
Zurich: 85k (managed scheme).

Interest rates aren't great but they're something.

I'll try to go through some posts as there is great information in there -
 
messyleo said:
If you continue with SWY scheme - it impacts your pension service - so keep this in mind
Click to expand...
Will keep this in mind. Utterly impossible to get any pension information out of the HSE. Will check can I made additional contributions but I have no plans to work to 65 which is when I'd have full contributions (theres literally a month or two in the numbers!)

I do, and I know its killing me but there is nothing that can seemingly be removed from my life.

I can't cut down on work
I can't cut down on responsibilities to people
- 1x elderly parent
- 1x elderly parent with medium grade parkinsons
- 1x elderly aunt who I have power of attorney over
I feel I certainly shouldn't cut down on my girlfrield
And thats it! All hours of the day accounted for!

I do not have trusted relatives or friends to talk to about this. Nor does my father who is main carer for my parkinsons mother - he is coming to me with his problems as he doesn't have anyone to chat to.

As for therapist/organisation - the trouble is I am not the main carer (despite what I do) and I could see problems coming if I tried to organise or talk to people... it would be seen as going behind their backs.

Thanks... yes in time I will inherit house/assets from them. It may be eaten into quite a bit by nursing home care (although blind refusal for nursing home OR care will impact that). I'm an only child and we are close so unless I go completely off the rails then both will be coming to me and this has been discussed. Yes, they are funding quite a bit and I am grateful for that - they do that as a way to avoid inheritance tax as much as possible (note: not evade. We're all aware of the gift limits etc). I will be honest and say that I do not think about marriage/kids (I don't want kids, nor does she) as I am trapped at the moment. She seems happy enough (MORE than happy enough) with me at the moment but I am aware that it will impinge. Her having cats is an additional complication to moving is as they have to be carefully considered if she was moving in with me as adjustments/accomodations would have to be made to the house to have them here.


Build a granny flat onto your parents house so you can live separate lives but be on hand?
- Considered years ago and planning gotten, but rejected by the parents when costs came through and the builders sprung on us that walls would have to be demolished, a pond filled in for access and the ceiling of the kitchen lowered.

Internally split the house in two?
- Vetoed effectively by my mother as she would refuse to sleep downstairs.

Build a garden room and sleep there but share the living areas in the house?
- A thought, yes. That would likely require planning?


You say your mother won’t have it, but tell her it makes you happy and the alternative makes you miserable.
I actually like this phrase but she would still refuse, and both would say how lucky I am and how I shouldn't be complaining!
 
Last edited:
Throwaway555 said:
My Cash:
Defined Contribution pension fund:
Health service pension, start date 2008 so as far as I know the “middle” pension scheme. Not the currently offered one, but the previous with lump sum based on career final earning.
Click to expand...

All PS pensions in Ireland are Defined Benefit.

If you joined the PS pension scheme in 2008, then you should not be in the SPSPS, which is based on acreer-average earnings.

You are more likely in a PS pension scheme based on final salary.


Throwaway555 said:
Pension information
Health service pension
Absolutely impossible to get information on it. 9 months waiting list for reply on emailed requests, apparently.
Value of pension fund:
Click to expand...

There is no pension fund.

All PS pensions in Ireland are unfunded.
 
Throwaway555 said:
Pension information
Health service pension
Absolutely impossible to get information on it. 9 months waiting list for reply on emailed requests, apparently.
Click to expand...

What information about your pension are you looking for from the HSE?

If you are looking for an estimate of future pension benefits, you can do the calculations yourself in ten minutes.
 
Throwaway555 said:
Utterly impossible to get any pension information out of the HSE. Will check can I made additional contributions
Click to expand...

What do you mean by "additional contributions"?

If you are short of years service in a PS pension scheme, the two ways to enhance it are as follows:

(1) buy notional service
(2) start an AVC



The normal retirement date for a post 2004 PS is age 65.

Cost-neutral early retirement may be available from age 55. (CNER)



 
It's not clear how much help your parents need. And there's no need to say here.
If either of them need help with Activities of Daily Living (such as getting dressed, washed, into bed, walking, feeding etc), then you really should get some support - whether they like it or not! Their public health nurse should be a good ally, and should be able to access suitable supports. Even if a regular carer wouldn't be accepted (yet), a one off visit by an Occupational Therapist and / or Physiotherapist could yield a lot of practical advice regarding equipment or how to make tasks easier.
In my experience, from family members and through work - the right person coming into the house can be a really positive relationship/ friendship and enhance quality of life over and above the actual job they do. If you're employing a carer or cleaner privately you'll have more input into choosing someone who is a good fit. Especially if your mum helps with the process.
However from what you've said so far, it sounds like your parents want you at their beck and call, and for domestic duties rather than needing caring as such. (Apologies if I'm making any incorrect assumptions.)
Public Health Nurses and healthcare professionals talk about 'carer burden'. If it is too much, the whole situation breaks down - and an emergency respite or hospital admission is needed. This is very unpleasant and upsetting for everyone, and to be avoided if at all possible.
 
I think you should take onboard the comments you have received here and seriously think about them.

I feel like you are on a bit of a slippery slope of putting your own life, needs, wants and happiness on hold. It is fantastic that you are looking after your parents. However you seem to have a bit of a sword of Damocles over your head. When you talk to your parents it seems like it is ignored and you are advised that you should not be complaining.

It might help you to formulate your thoughts and potentially present them in a way that they will be taken seriously by writing them a letter, either jointly or individually. Personally, I've seen what has happened to uncles and aunts who have self sacrificed to the extent that they put their own lives on pause and certain opportunities never presented themselves afterwards.
 
Can you get another job, with less hours/demands? That might give you back the time you need.
Assuming your parents are around for the next 10 years, if you can afford to earn less money to have more time, could you live with your GF part time, with that extra time? And then as parents health shifts, the unknowns (like how much of their estate will go towards care etc) will become knowns, and you wont have waited around so long without having some higher quality of life.
Similarly, can you outsource some jobs, like gardening or meal prep? Seems like your mam doesnt want people in the house, but some spend here could give you back time.
Seems like you have so much savings, no real need for that much, as you'll inherit a nice home, and feel 'trapped'. Even if you took a year off, doesnt the HSE give people career breaks - you could even take a year off, retrain or try start something yourself, and use all that savings towards making a life with better balance, and find your feet with that time off?

YOLO, dont waste it trapped.
 
Would your gf even want to move in with you when you are living at home and caring for your parents? Inevitably she will get caught up doing some of the work for them too and that is unfair on her. You need to stand up for yourself and tell your parents that the only way you can continue to live with them and care for them is for them to accept outside help - cleaner, gardener, home help. Tell them it's non negotiable at this point and explain that you are simply burnt out trying to keep everything going. If they have any gratitude or comapassion for you, they will agree to it. If not then they lose out as you can just buy/rent your own property and start your life with your gf. They don't get to decide how much involvement you have in their daily lives so decide how much you actually want (not need) to help out and go from there.
 
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