35 year olds with decent incomes, how to dismount from the hamster wheel?

Start with some basics, ensure your wills and any guardianship arrangements if the worst ever happened are in place. Then do a full end to end tax review to ensure you are paying tax in the most efficient manner and that you are claiming for absolutely everything you can claim for and that you have claimed for past years where possible.

In terms of reducing debt- 2 things to consider
  • Have you any other big spends planned for the next couple of years- change in car as an example
  • Are the home improvements now finished?. Until they are, you always run the risk of a builder going, "We have a problem here" and then having to dig into your savings.

It might be worth considering a long term savings/investment product for the kids as well and, for example, dumping the childrens allowance into it.
 
Thanks everyone for the input
Mate I don't mean to come across as harsh but you're better off getting that house balance down before anything else
Not harsh, but prior to this year mortgage was €256k at 2.2% interest on a house valued at €430k so mortgage reduction was not a priority and other investments were as we had the capacity to maximize tax advantaged schemes.

No definitive big spends on the horizon, maybe an attic conversion at some point. My car will be driven into the ground! Home improvements are finished but we sat on our cash throughout to make sure we were in a position to respond to anything unforeseen so in a position to put a dent in the home improvement loan.

The prevailing opinion here has been to tackle the additional debt so I think we'll definitely focus on wiping out the home improvement loan as a priority in the medium term.

Children's allowance is being put towards childcare currently, it seemed to make sense to just use it for something when we started paying for childcare as inflation was running so high at the time that trying to beat it felt a bit futile. I'd like to get to the other side of paying off some portion of our outstanding debt before getting into how we could invest extra cash.
 
Annual gross income from employment or profession: 100k
Annual gross income of spouse/partner: 82,500
Is this inclusive of health and bonuses or are they on top of that?

Monthly take-home pay: €7k combined
Assuming for a moment that your €182.5k doesn't include BIK, your net take home is €9.9k plus €280 in child benefit.

After 20% pension, the net is still €8.1k, soon to increase to €8.25k with budget changes. Your ESPP and APSS are just saving mechanisms so do not reduce your net per say.

With €100k knocked off your home loan, you will have mortgage/loan of €1250 and childcare of €1k. That leaves a lot of disposable income for everything else so live comfortably and enjoy it. Use any excess to reduce the mortgage.

Cash: €93k
Very clear you should use this to pay down the home improvement loan and retain the €20k from ESPP as an emergency fund

Spouse has €20k in employers share purchase scheme
Most ESPP are run on 6/12 month cycles with a 15% discount on 10% of salary. The most your spouse can have tied up is €4k/8k. To have €20k means she has just retained the shares for 2.5 years so should sell all immediately. Treat ESPP as a bonus, you get 15% of 10% or an additional 1.5% salary plus a bit extra if share price increases.

€42k in shares in my employer between bonus share purchase scheme (no PAYE on bonus if left in the scheme for 3 years) and unvested RSUs.
Like the ESPP, you should treat this as additional income and execute same day sale on RSU vesting and for the APSS sell immediately on the 3 year mark. Do not hold them any longer than necessary to get the tax benefit

Value of pension fund: €334k combined, we both make maximum contributions
You are way ahead of the curve with pension funding for your age. Keep up the 20% contributions but be confident that if for any reason you need to reduce it then do so because you are in a great position.

And just in case you aren't doing it, the 20% limit is based on gross income which includes BIK, bonuses, the discount on ESPP, the value of vested RSU's (not the gains).