If I do something that people would not be familiar with (not foie gras or veal or something someone might have an ethical issue with - more like beef carpaccio / roast pheasant / rabbit terrine / smoked venison / ) it sells but not in anything like the quantities of the more standard fare. I'm not complaining, merely observing that at the end of the day based on volume - the Irish consumer is not very adventurous.
I agree with this completely. I often heard this and discarded it as a mere generalisation but since I've lived abroad (across many countries) with other Irish people it really is an unfortunate reality in my opinion. Meals out tend to be gauged on where sells ‘normal’ food.
Even with Steak – I cringe and near shake with rage when Irish people receive their steak, cooked to medium as requested, and send it back with the usual “That’s not fully cooked”. The side dish of chips never gets sent back funnily enough. Apparently Steak Tartare is just minced beef like you get from the butchers, not to be entertained.
The will to explore other cultures culinary dishes seem to range only to pizza and sweet and sour chicken from the local ‘Chinese’. A pasta dish means boiling the bejesus out of the pasta until soggy, add 1-2 jars of dolmio etc. + mince and serve. Interchange between spaghetti, the ‘shell’ one and the ‘twirly’ pasta for variety. Lasagna to be made in bulk, frozen and eaten piece-meal over the course of 8 weeks after being incinerated in the microwave. If cheese is used; cheddar – the reddest cheapest block of saturated rubber will do. Indian food is just described as curry. French food = frogs legs and Germans just eat Sausages.
Vegetables must be boiled to a near pulp and thus devoid of real taste. Think baby food style. Don’t dare touch anything mammy did not cook at home. No more than 5-8 vegetable varieties are required.
Potatoes - Boiled. Mashed. Add copious amounts of butter and salt. They taste “too plain” otherwise. If it’s a Sunday, add roast potatoes, drowned in lumpy instant gravy to taste. Do not offer any other condiments. I've heard chives referred to as ‘grass’, sour cream was thought to be spray on dessert style cream until tasted.
Soup – it comes from a packet. It’s thin and the vegetables are minuscule flashes of red and green in the mustard coloured water. Do not trust the coarse gloop that has been offered, the ‘homemade’ label is just a trick to fool you didn't you know. The vegetables floating there-in are more than likely left over’s, sure why would they waste them in soup otherwise.
Chicken – Breast only, leave skin on. Wait for the inevitable “There are bones in this chicken piece!” If serving wings etc. be sure they are immersed in BBQ or similar MSG filled toxic waste for a few days before cooking.
Sausages – do not dare tamper with the age old mix of 15%-30% actual pork and the rest unknown fillers. Those that endeavor to add spices/fruits/vegetables are to be classed as ‘weird’. Celebrate with much fanfare when mammy posts over the following: Denny/galtee etc. rashers, sausages and pudding.
Stew – Traditional Irish stew was made with lamb and poor cuts of it at that. Just because your mother made it with cubed steak meat doesn’t make it traditional. It also requires vegetables in it.
Sushi – EUGHHH it’s just RAW fish! Smoked Salmon is acceptable as it was brought out at Christmas. It wasn’t eaten much though.
Seafood – Following from above; fish arrives foil packaged a la ‘Donegal catch’ battered or bread crumbed. White coloured filling devoid of texture and taste. To find bones means this is an inferior product. Tuna steak is not a recognized term. Steak is beef and tuna comes from John West can don’t you know. Tuna is only to be used when mixed with sweet corn in advance of being mashed in to a baguette. If it has a ‘fish smell’ run, it’s going to kill you. Shell fish etc. are more than likely going to kill you due to the smell.
Caviar – just fish eggs. What’s the point?
Cheese – White cheddar or red cheddar. Easy singles are the perfect sandwich filling – sure they’re ready to go! Everything else smells gone off; that one looks funny, that one that has herbs/berries in it is not to be trusted. Ham goes with cheese. Nothing else- toasting is a delicacy. Mozzarella cheese is acceptable on pizza (within certain parameters- see below).
Pizza – There are only three pizzas that need to exist. Margherita / pepperoni or the one with all the meat on it. The more oil that runs off the pizza the juicier it is – Yes this was how someone described it. Remove red/green pepper as they could cause instant death.
Olive Oil – just fancy frying oil. What’s wrong with vegetable oil? When olive oil is served with balsamic vinegar accompanying a bread basket; promptly scoff at this and request butter. When butter arrives apply in chunks without waiting for it to soften. If a complimentary bread basket is served, go through it like a rabid dog and request another. Never pass an opportunity for free food.
Bread – this comes from a pack in the form of sliced pan or as a roll in varying sizes from a “Cuisine De France” packet, cooked to perfection in the oven of the Deli in the local petrol station. Flavoured breads were probably going off soon so they needed to liven them up to get rid of them e.g. Bruschetta.
Rabbit – for petting, not to be eaten.
Pheasant – too posh. People might think you’ve got notions about yourself.
Pigeon – To be seen at train stations. Not to be eaten.
Venison – Akin to eating bambi/Rudolf. You are devouring the very definition of innocence. Why would you do such a thing?
The meal shall be judged on how full you are after. If it leaves you with a dose of ‘meat sweats’ and the need to barrel roll yourself out of you chair, then it gets 10/10. The flavours experienced are not really brought in to it as you wouldn’t have eaten all that if it didn’t taste good. Dessert = Ice-cream. Fruit or cheese platters are a sneaky way of getting rid of leftovers again.
Being adventurous about food is related to finances too, though. Can people generally afford to try something new, knowing that if they don't like it they will have to buy an alternative?
True but even when something different is offered as a sample or a “try some of mine”, Irish people play it safe!
