# negative equity, 3 kids, 2 rooms. low income



## jenny (5 Jan 2010)

hi, 

Im a working mam of two, last year my husband got let go from his job, shortly after we got our mortgage, which is currently 250,000, in the meantime he has gotten another job, and is earning minimum wage, actually we were better off when he was claiming jobseeker's as we had mortgage insurance, which was making 700e of our repayment. we also have a bank and credit union loan, and these won't be finished for 3 year's and we have already started interest only with the credit union 

Im now pregnant with our third child, our house is tiny 2 bedroom's won't even be able to fit a double buggy in to the house let alone the baby,and we can't afford to make our mortgage repayments, we are struggling but meeting the repayment every month, we are currently doing a 6month interest only, but after the 6 month's will be in a worse situation, because we have no family to look after the children, and my wage's are 28,000p.a and all of this will go on childcare so im better off to stay at home after this baby is born, 

Now we have had the house valued and the auctioneer reckon's we would definitely get 200,000 but no more, we don't have the saving's to pay the shortfall, actually have no saving's, and can't borrow off family.

from reading other threads here i realise that we won't be able to just hand back the key's either, nor do i want the house to be repossessed as we will be worse off then, 

we were thinking we might be better off to rent this house, and rent somewhere else ourselve's but I have never been a landlord or anything, and I don't know the implication's with the bank and revenue etc.. 

please help, im totally desperate as to what to do, and I just feel so so stupid for getting the mortgage in the 1st place, everyone thought that it was a great idea at the time.. lo and behold a few month's later it it goes belly up

thanks for reading


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## LDFerguson (5 Jan 2010)

*Re: another what do we do neg equity post*

Hi Jenny, 

I answered another query about tax implications of renting out your own home and renting a place for yourselves.  It's here. 

Another option you might look into is the Mortgage Interest Supplement but that only applies if neither of you are working more than 29 hours a week, as far as I know.  

Although not something you can do indefinitely, if you meet with someone from your lender towards the end of your six-month interest-only period and detail your financial situation, they may agree to extend your interest-only period.


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## jenny (5 Jan 2010)

*Re: another what do we do neg equity post*

he was at home for 9 month's, he nearly went mad, no way we can do that again

thanks for the reply though.. im sure we will manage with the space we have but that's the least of our problem's unfortunately


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## annR (6 Jan 2010)

*Re: another what do we do neg equity post*

It is hard staying at home with kids but someone has to do it if you can't afford childcare.  There are lots of women who stay at home going mad all the time. Why was he going mad and is it something that could be changed / improved to enable you going back to work?


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## truthseeker (6 Jan 2010)

*Re: another what do we do neg equity post*



jenny said:


> he was at home for 9 month's, he nearly went mad, no way we can do that again


 

Im just not buying this. Why cant he be a stay at home Dad? Whats he going mad about? Desperate times call for desperate measures.


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## UFC (6 Jan 2010)

*Re: another what do we do neg equity post*



annR said:


> Why was he going mad and is it something that could be changed / improved to enable you going back to work?


 
I agree with this. There is no need for him to be sitting around watching TV all day.

He should buy some IT books and start making websites at home. This will generate extra income, and improve his skills and self-esteem.

I make websites as a hobby and it's fun. It's not that difficult, so he has nothing to fear.


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## haminka1 (6 Jan 2010)

*Re: another what do we do neg equity post*

i'd only stress what the others said - if you have a chance of a better paid job than him, take it ... what's the point of you sitting at home while he's out there getting less paid for actually working?
also, i find it hard to imagine somebody would be really getting bored with three little kids at home and he can also use this time for additional education ..


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## so-crates (7 Jan 2010)

*Re: another what do we do neg equity post*

Sorry to be harsh but your husband is being unreasonable - it makes no sense to sacrifice a larger wage for a smaller wage. You are the primary bread-winner so it is logical for him to handle the childcare. He just needs to get his head around to the sense of it. The situation is what he makes of it himself - he has a family now so he cannot keep making decisions to suit him, he has to make decisions to suit his family and it makes no sense for him to work and earn less, you are already stretched to manage.


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## lionstour (7 Jan 2010)

*Re: another what do we do neg equity post*



UFC said:


> I agree with this. There is no need for him to be sitting around watching TV all day.
> 
> He should buy some IT books and start making websites at home. This will generate extra income, and improve his skills and self-esteem.
> 
> I make websites as a hobby and it's fun. It's not that difficult, so he has nothing to fear.


 
He should stay at home and mind the kids. From my experience of looking after kids you dont get time do much else besides the house work if your doing it right.

Jenny I dont think you have any option but to stay in the house you are in for the mid term ( 5 years) future. In your situation, renting out your own home would be a huge risk. Remember in the present rental market you will struggle to get it rented out 12 months of the year and their are numerous other costs associated with being a landlord. 

Also I dont know where you are living but I dont think you would get more that 1000 a month in rental income for your house max. And renting a bigger house will cost you more than that,

Any chance you could consolidate your banks and credit union loans into one loan paying it off over a longer period? Have you contacted MABS also?

The baby can stay in your room for the first year. After that get bunk beds and a cot in the other room, maybe invest in some good storage. A tip is to floor your attic and get an attic stairs in. This made a huge difference for us in terms of space saving. 

As said above, your husband needs to stay at home with the kids. In the medium term when they are in primary school he can get some PT work. Looking after your children is the most important aspect of your lives and he should feel privilaged to be able to do it. If he does at least some real good could come out of your financial situation. 

Sit down and talk to your husband and dont panic, it will all work out for you if you stick together and work as a team. Seriously i wish you the very best.


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## Bronte (7 Jan 2010)

*Re: another what do we do neg equity post*

Jenny can you do the money makeover section to get better advice.  You might actually be better off on the dole.  I'm not sure if your husband were to stay at home on no income and you were all to live on 28K less taxes plus bills that you wouldn't be better off.  

I would go mad too if I had to stay at home with 3 kids, I would rather do anything than do that.


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## sadie (7 Jan 2010)

I don't agree the husband should stay home and mind the kids either. 
A lot of men see their self worth as being directly related to their jobs. Through social conditioning, they do not see homemaking and minding kids as valid worthwhile work. 
So when they are out of work, it equates to being worthless and a crashing, severe loss of self esteem results. 
So you end up with a man, at home, getting worryingly more and more depressed, and making everyone else's life bloody miserable with it. 
So as if she didn't have enough to be worrying about, the wife has another big problem on her hands! 
That is the reality in most homes where unemployment has hit.


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## Bronte (7 Jan 2010)

Sadie that's very well put.


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## alana (7 Jan 2010)

sadie said:


> I don't agree the husband should stay home and mind the kids either.
> A lot of men see their self worth as being directly related to their jobs. Through social conditioning, they do not see homemaking and minding kids as valid worthwhile work.
> So when they are out of work, it equates to being worthless and a crashing, severe loss of self esteem results.
> So you end up with a man, at home, getting worryingly more and more depressed, and making everyone else's life bloody miserable with it.
> ...


 
I agree with the above post. Jenny wants help and some posters seem to be more interested in the house husband debate. Her husband doesn't sound unreasonable - he sounds like someone working minimum wage to try and feed his family, like Jenny herself is doing.

I would put your house on the market immediately, you never know! If no offers come close to 250k, you haven't lost anything.
Best of luck.


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## Marietta (7 Jan 2010)

sadie said:


> i don't agree the husband should stay home and mind the kids either.
> A lot of men see their self worth as being directly related to their jobs. Through social conditioning, they do not see homemaking and minding kids as valid worthwhile work.
> So when they are out of work, it equates to being worthless and a crashing, severe loss of self esteem results.
> So you end up with a man, at home, getting worryingly more and more depressed, and making everyone else's life bloody miserable with it.
> ...


 

+1


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## lionstour (8 Jan 2010)

alana said:


> I agree with the above post. Jenny wants help and some posters seem to be more interested in the house husband debate. Her husband doesn't sound unreasonable - he sounds like someone working minimum wage to try and feed his family, like Jenny herself is doing.
> 
> I would put your house on the market immediately, you never know! If no offers come close to 250k, you haven't lost anything.
> Best of luck.


 
IN todays market I doubt she would achieve 200000 and even if they did how are they going to make up the shortfall. 

If they do not want to loose their home then someone needs to look after the 3 kids. If he wants to work and let her stay at home he has got to start earning more than her. If not then he should stay at home.


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## ontour (8 Jan 2010)

Unfortunately you do not have the opportunity to upgrade due to negative equity and lack of savings.

To manage your living costs your probably have to look at the potential of earning more and spending less.  A couple of things to consider:
 - Can your husband do additional work whether it be pizza delivery or something based on his professional skills.
 - Can a family member mind your children when you return to work?
 - If you do not return to work could you mind children for other people?
 - Can you move in with family or friends who have a larger house allowing bills etc to be shared and potentially rent your current residence?


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## annR (8 Jan 2010)

She still hasn't said what was making the husband go mad.  Was it boredom, was it minding kids, was it depression.  If it's something like he just needs to learn how to mind kids or how to cook, or he doesn't like hoovering, well he should learn it surely.  If staying at home is making him severly depressed of course that's different.


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## canicemcavoy (8 Jan 2010)

jenny said:


> last year my husband got let go from his job, shortly after we got our mortgage,[....]
> 
> Im now pregnant with our third child, our house is tiny


 
Jenny, can I ask why you bought the house only last year if it was so small? Is it possible you can make do with it, certainly for the foreseeable future while the new child is a toddler, if the only problem is buggy storage space?


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## Tom189 (8 Jan 2010)

*Re: another what do we do neg equity post*



UFC said:


> I agree with this. There is no need for him to be sitting around watching TV all day.
> 
> He should buy some IT books and start making websites at home. This will generate extra income, and improve his skills and self-esteem.
> 
> I make websites as a hobby and it's fun. It's not that difficult, so he has nothing to fear.


 
This is a joke, right?

Trying to do any work at home while minding 2 young kids is impossible. It's a tough job staying at home with the kids, fair play to all those that do it!(women and men)


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## lionstour (8 Jan 2010)

*Re: another what do we do neg equity post*



jaybird said:


> It is not impossible at all. Its hard work, but its not at all impossible. Plenty of women do it, and probably a few men too.


 
I have looked after my kids (both under 5) at home.  From the moment they get up to when the go to bed they need constant attention.  Okay, if you put them in from of the TV for the day then maybe it gives you time to do your work. If you make an effort to keep them active then I just dont see how you could do any amount of other work. Then there is the cooking cleaning washing etc. 

Its not just hard work its practically impossible without significant outside support, which from the original posters first post does not seem likely.


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## lionstour (8 Jan 2010)

sadie said:


> I don't agree the husband should stay home and mind the kids either.
> A lot of men see their self worth as being directly related to their jobs. Through social conditioning, they do not see homemaking and minding kids as valid worthwhile work.
> So when they are out of work, it equates to being worthless and a crashing, severe loss of self esteem results.
> So you end up with a man, at home, getting worryingly more and more depressed, and making everyone else's life bloody miserable with it.
> ...


 
Thats all very well theoretically but this family is facing a very tough time financially.  This man needs to understand that his familty is better served by him staying at home to look after them. he needs to understand that there is intrinsic value in looking after his kids.   A lot of men dont want to look after kids because it is hard thankless work.


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## lionstour (8 Jan 2010)

Bronte said:


> Sadie that's very well put.


 
I find it hard to square your view that he would be better off on the dole on the one hand to supporting sadies post on the other.


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## lionstour (9 Jan 2010)

*Re: another what do we do neg equity post*



jaybird said:


> Excuse me? Are you saying that the only way to get any work done is to have them glued to the TV? You are mistaken. And if your children need "constant attention" there is something wrong with them. Have they no imagination? Can they not play independently? Mine can. Also they sleep, giving me many hours in the evening and a couple during the day.
> 
> If you are organised, ambitious and determined you can make any situation work for you, if you try hard enough.


 
The woman in question has two young children and a baby on the way. For me that means constant attention. Its okay for kids over five or six to play independently but this should be done under constant adult supervision at the very least. Your obviously a very organised and motivated person who does not mind working two jobs from the moment you get up in the day to when you go to bed at night. Good luck to you.

My children are very well adjusted and happy by the way. As far as imagination goes, this morning he told me he's "on safari chasing lions". He was in bed at the time just waking up. He not even 3. Cutie


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## galway. (9 Jan 2010)

hey guys im male 26 worl full times shifts and have three kids 9,6 and 2 often i have the kids and herself does be at work. i can not see why this man can not ust be a stay at home dad and further his studies from the net. 

its a horrible place to be but i think ye need to talk to someone like mabs or that


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## lionstour (9 Jan 2010)

galway. said:


> hey guys im male 26 worl full times shifts and have three kids 9,6 and 2 often i have the kids and herself does be at work. i can not see why this man can not ust be a stay at home dad and further his studies from the net.
> 
> its a horrible place to be but i think ye need to talk to someone like mabs or that


 
Shift work is good for looking after the kids all right. But try doing both at the same time.  I aggree about furthering his studies.


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## AlbacoreA (9 Jan 2010)

*Re: another what do we do neg equity post*

I definately don't agree with unlimited TV. But not all kids are the same, and some kids are far more demanding then others. Slapping yourself on the back about your own kids is no help to someone else. Get a bunch of kids together and you soon see that some are just far more spirited and have far more energy than others, and some are just easier. Some are happy doing the usual stuff, others could build an atomic bomb from an apple and a spoon.  

Besides its the quiet ones that go postal. 

Anyway some people are able for being at some simply aren't. They go stir crazy. I don't think you can dismiss that. Financially the hubby should stay at home. But they've had prior experience of this, and it didn't sound like it worked out.


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## lionstour (9 Jan 2010)

*Re: another what do we do neg equity post*



jaybird said:


> One can supervise and work at the same time, and I work while they sleep. mine are 5, 2 and 14 weeks, and I get plenty of work done as well as playing with them.
> 
> My point is that many do work as well as stay at home with children, and you cannot tell people that it is impossible for all as that is patently not true. Desperate times and all that, and if your choice is working creatively or losing your homw, I know which I would choose.


 
Fair enough,  I think its amazing you earn a living at home and look after 3 kids especially one who is only 14 weeks.  Any you have no outside support? I admire you if you manage all that seriously.  But the guy in question struggled at home before so I'd dare say trying to get him to look after 3 kids and earn money from home is going a step too far.  Thats all I am saying.


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## AlbacoreA (10 Jan 2010)

One of ours is a dream baby. You could bring them to work no problem they are that good. We wondered how others managed so easily till this one came along. 

Have to say I'd stayed at home for a while when I had to. But I'm happy to get out to work for a break tbh. Whereas others I know would be happy never going back to work. Everyone different. But you can only do what you can afford to do. Also its not forever, as the kids eventually go to school, and then you have increasingly more time.


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## blueskies (12 Jan 2010)

Hi there
Dont understand why it is such a bad idea to rent out own property and rent anoother bigger property. There are many many areas where you can still rent out properties within two weeks. Prices have reduced by 30% but if rent substantially covers mortgage then what is the problem.And if it doesnt work out , move back in.....


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