# Child Maintenance



## sunflower11 (29 May 2008)

Hi - just wondering if any of you have any experience with the issue I have at the mo. My partner has a little girl (9) whom we have 3 nights a week every week and talk to on teh phone every day. 

My partner pays €400 directly to her Mother monthly and also pays about €100 off a loan the childs mother took out when they were together (5 years ago) - thats almost cleared now. Anyway,my query is this-he was told he can have his little girl for 5 weeks this Summer. (A COMPLETE shock as usually he has to beg to have her for any amount of time)

Can anyone tell me if he is still obliged to pay full maintenance during this period? Besides the maintenance he pays,we take care of dentist fees, equipment for whatever the latest hobbie is etc so I am a little bit bothered by having to fork out the full whack during this 5 weeks. 

Also - relations with her mother would be what you could call unstable -all is great if we do what she wants,and all is up in a heap if shes ever challenged. Not the easiest person to communicate with,and main priority is to annoy my partner and then wonder if her child is ok. Just to set the scene. Is it worth the hassle it will no doubt bring about if he reduces the maintenance for this period? Thanks.


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## pc7 (29 May 2008)

As far as I know, if they were not married the maintenance he pays is either by a maintenance order or just an agreement they came too.  If it is the latter then the fact he will have his daughter for 5 weeks he just needs to discuss it with his partner that he will take thh 400 costs for this time.  If they were married is the maintenance for his ex wife and child then I don't think he can take it. But as you say the hassle may not be worth it. Open to correction, only going on a friends similar situation.


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## ClubMan (29 May 2008)

http://www.askaboutmoney.com/showthread.php?t=83282


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## sunflower11 (29 May 2008)

Thanks PC7. They were never married,and its just an agreement and ,not legal. I hear what u are saying about "discussing" it with her...but I can tell you it would more then likely result in her telling the child "daddy doesnt want to give mummy money for you"...so i just wonder is it worth the hassle.


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## FredBloggs (29 May 2008)

sunflower11 said:


> Thanks PC7. They were never married,and its just an agreement and ,not legal. I hear what u are saying about "discussing" it with her...but I can tell you it would more then likely result in her telling the child "daddy doesnt want to give mummy money for you"...so i just wonder is it worth the hassle.


 
I think you've answered your own question.   Worse senario would seem to be if your partner held back the money and this was used as an excuse either not to let the 5 week stay go ahead or in the future to stop similar visits (ie not worth her while as she'd be financially hit for allowing an extended visit happen - but of course she wouldn't as she'd have savings not having the child).


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## sunflower11 (29 May 2008)

FredBloggs said:


> I think you've answered your own question. Worse senario would seem to be if your partner held back the money and this was used as an excuse either not to let the 5 week stay go ahead or in the future to stop similar visits (ie not worth her while as she'd be financially hit for allowing an extended visit happen - but of course she wouldn't as she'd have savings not having the child).


 

Yeah FredBloggs - I hear you. I just wonder as she has it so easy on a week to week basis (i,e we have the child every Friday - Monday when dropped at school) would she sacrifice a week/5 child free? I spose I know were gonna just pay up at the end of the day.As unreasonable as it seems to be. Thanks much.


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## carrielou (30 May 2008)

Hi,

My advice, based on experience of both sides of the fence, would be.  Let your partner and yourself and this little 9 year old girl have a brilliant time for 5 weeks together.  This is a chance to make some brilliant memories.  €400, easy come, easy go, but 5 weeks together is priceless!


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## carrielou (30 May 2008)

Sorry, my 3 year old was helping so i posted same message twice


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## steelkeno (5 Jun 2008)

I cant believe you are worried about money!We are talking about a child here they are expensive!I have been paying my (UNREASONABLE) wife for 15 years  knowing that my kids are nearly adults now and i can hold my head up high and say i provided for them.He has no rights none whatsoever you are both in for a long haul.


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## Serenity1 (25 Jun 2008)

The child maintenance covers things such as accomodation and the provision of transport and utilities for the child as well as food and cloths.  The childs mother will not be giving up her home or her car for these few weeks.  Also, if you went to court to sort out CS it would be averaged over 12 months and take custody into consideration.  So no i do not think you should even suggest cutting payments, at possibly it should be a fraction of the payment.  Is it worth that?


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## Vanilla (25 Jun 2008)

Serenity1 said:


> The child maintenance covers things such as accomodation and the provision of transport and utilities for the child as well as food and cloths. The childs mother will not be giving up her home or her car for these few weeks. Also, if you went to court to sort out CS it would be averaged over 12 months and take custody into consideration. So no i do not think you should even suggest cutting payments, at possibly it should be a fraction of the payment. Is it worth that?


 
Well said, something I thought of posting at the time but didn't.


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## Bubbly Scot (25 Jun 2008)

Serenity1 said:


> The child maintenance covers things such as accomodation and the provision of transport and utilities for the child as well as food and cloths. The childs mother will not be giving up her home or her car for these few weeks. Also, if you went to court to sort out CS it would be averaged over 12 months and take custody into consideration. So no i do not think you should even suggest cutting payments, at possibly it should be a fraction of the payment. Is it worth that?


 
That was my thoughts too. 

As someone else posted, I'd be inclined to go out and give that child a brilliant five weeks worth of happiness. That's what she'll remember when she's older.


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## NicolaM (25 Jun 2008)

Spot on Bubbly


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## nesbitt (26 Jun 2008)

My brother has to meet a lot of financial demands from his ex wife.  He does it for his kids.  I don't think with holding the 400 would change other persons mind set.  I'm sure you know this already.  The situation is not fair, but then that is the case for alot of people.  Try and enjoy the time together.


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## ClubMan (26 Jun 2008)

Not sure what some posters mean about "5 brilliant weeks" but obviously spoiling a child for a short period of time is probably not it the short or long term best interests of the child or the parents.


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## Serenity1 (26 Jun 2008)

Nesbitt - what's not fair about the situation?  It seems clear cut he has a child and he supports it.  In case your wondering this is also the situation for my partner and I, he's pays CS and rightly so.  

Clubman to me 5 brilliant weeks simply means enjoy your time with the child not spoil the child.


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## carrielou (26 Jun 2008)

5 brilliant weeks! Just spending this amount of time together, having meals, watching tv, going for walks, odd trip to cinema, maybe beach if weather is nice.  Living normal everyday life with your child is what is brilliant, seeing them every morning, kissing them goodnight every night.  Teaching them and learning from them.  Getting to really really know each other. It can be hard to explain but it can be a time that this little girl and her dad and his partner can be a normal family. (for 5 weeks anyway) Simple things in life but so very important


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## sunflower11 (27 Jun 2008)

Thanks all the many replies. I know you are right - when you consider that we will get to wake up,have lunch,dinner and go to bed with her in the house every day,i know thats going to be special.
I adore the child and would have her fulltime if it was possible...I didnt mean to come across as wanting to deprive her of anything with regards reduced payments....I am only human and for me and my partner to be slogging away in full time jobs while her mother has *chosen* not to work and receives numerous benefits in addition to the sum my partner gives her really is a bitter pill to swallow some times.
The buying of the good shoes and winter coats, school trips, still lies with us. 
Anyways, thanks a million for the feedback and it has helped me realise the things that are more important - i.e memories, and has made me realise I need to stop stressing out.


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## Serenity1 (27 Jun 2008)

Sunflower i know exactly how you feel.  I swallow that bitter pill most days.  I commend you on the 5 weeks.  My advice is let your partner do his share.  In the beginning i found that i wanted to do everything but then began to resent it.  Don't forget to take time out for yourself to!


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