# If you could sign any Executive Orders??



## thedaddyman (12 Apr 2017)

This all began as a pub discussion but basically the question is this. If you were President and could sign any Executive Order (like DJ Trump), what would it be.? These are what I came up with and please bear in mind before anyone jumps down my throat that I am being slightly tongue in cheek here. 

I would make it compulsory for drivers of Audi's, BMW's and black VW Passats to sit a "how not to drive like a total plonker" course.
I would ban from Dundrum shopping centre anyone who stands on the escalators and blocks people unless they are infirm or pushing a pram with twins in it
I would ban Coleslaw, especially when I never asked for it but it appeared on the plate next to my toasted special like some festering pink mound of awfulness
I would implement an immediate €100 fine for anyone who uses the phrase "something should be done about it" but fails to do or suggest what that something should be
I would make anyone caught fly tipping or dumping rubbish in the country pick stones for a day for a farmer.
I would enforce a ban on all TV singing contests


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## Firefly (12 Apr 2017)

Anyone caught using a mobile phone whilst driving, breaking red lights or "parking" on yellow boxes would have their car impounded for a week.


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## Seagull (13 Apr 2017)

Middle and overtaking lane lane hoggers to be impaled on their gear lever for a week, and after that sentenced to a micra incapable of leaving the left lane.
Rubber neckers to be put in stocks with a plentiful supply of throwing material for passers by. That will give them practise at looking round to see where the next missile is coming from.


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## Firefly (13 Apr 2017)

Seagull said:


> Rubber neckers to be put in stocks with a plentiful supply of throwing material for passers by. That will give them practise at looking round to see where the next missile is coming from.



So there I was the other morning heading to work (on a dual carriage-way). I check my mirror and all's grand so I over-take the car in front of me. There was a car in the fast lane waay back who proceeded to speed up until he was inches behind me. Listening to Lyric FM, I wasn't too bothered. When I moved back into the driving lane, Gobbo speeds up again like a madman. Further up the road I see Gobbo pulling into the same building where I am working. All this aggression and speed....to get to work?


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## Thirsty (13 Apr 2017)

anyone using the phrase "rubber neckers" to be made to scrub the motorway with their toothbrush.


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## Firefly (13 Apr 2017)

I would remove all taxes / excise duty on wine!


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## Purple (18 Apr 2017)

Firefly said:


> So there I was the other morning heading to work (on a dual carriage-way). I check my mirror and all's grand so I over-take the car in front of me. There was a car in the fast lane waay back who proceeded to speed up until he was inches behind me. Listening to Lyric FM, I wasn't too bothered. When I moved back into the driving lane, Gobbo speeds up again like a madman. Further up the road I see Gobbo pulling into the same building where I am working. All this aggression and speed....to get to work?


Some people just love their job...


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## Purple (18 Apr 2017)

Thirsty said:


> anyone using the phrase "rubber neckers" to be made to scrub the motorway with their toothbrush.


I'd make rubber neckers do the same 

I'd also make it legal to vandalise cars parked in spots reserved for disabled drivers which don't have the appropriate badge on display.


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## Thirsty (18 Apr 2017)

If I'm driving and see flashing lights / fire engines / crashed cars / garda car or any combination of these ahead on the road, I will quite rightly slow down.  It is the safe and prudent thing to do.  

There is no way of knowing from a distance if there is debris on the road, where or how the road might be blocked, or even if there are passengers in shock wandering around (there are documented cases of this).

It really irritates me when that pejorative phrase is used for drivers.


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## Firefly (18 Apr 2017)

Purple said:


> Some people just love their job...



I was thinking that, but I'd bet that when they get into work the first thing they do is head to the canteen for a coffee and a chat! Obviously worth the risk!


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## Firefly (18 Apr 2017)

I would make the provision of air and water at garages free as I have noticed recently that some garages in Cork have started charging a euro for this now.


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## Purple (18 Apr 2017)

Firefly said:


> I would make the provision of air and water at garages free as I have noticed recently that some garages in Cork have started charging a euro for this now.


I'd introduce water charges


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## Gerry Canning (18 Apr 2017)

4 day week to be the norm.


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## Purple (18 Apr 2017)

Gerry Canning said:


> 4 day week to be the norm.


That would involve a lot of people working extra hours and days!


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## Seagull (19 Apr 2017)

Thirsty said:


> If I'm driving and see flashing lights / fire engines / crashed cars / garda car or any combination of these ahead on the road, I will quite rightly slow down.  It is the safe and prudent thing to do.
> 
> There is no way of knowing from a distance if there is debris on the road, where or how the road might be blocked, or even if there are passengers in shock wandering around (there are documented cases of this).
> 
> It really irritates me when that pejorative phrase is used for drivers.



There's a significant difference between sensible driving and rubbernecking. If I see emergency vehicles ahead, I slow down until I've determined which side of the road they're on, and whether there is any obstruction ahead of me. That's sensible driving. I don't then crawl past the incident staring out the window, which is rubbernecking.


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## Gerry Canning (19 Apr 2017)

Purple said:


> That would involve a lot of people working extra hours and days!


 I remember it was said to get to 39 hours would wreck us , and the row over most people getting Saturday off .

We better get used to less time working to give most people some  work !


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## Purple (19 Apr 2017)

Gerry Canning said:


> I remember it was said to get to 39 hours would wreck us , and the row over most people getting Saturday off .
> 
> We better get used to less time working to give most people some  work !


Are you suggesting what the French tried; enforced short weeks in order to create more jobs?
If so it doesn't work.


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## Gerry Canning (20 Apr 2017)

Purple ,
Definitely not enforcement .

Suggesting that as automation has moved on ,we need to reassess working time .
If that means shorter weeks creating more jobs V too many people having no jobs , then would that be good/bad ?
Just musing !


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## Purple (20 Apr 2017)

Gerry Canning said:


> Purple ,
> Definitely not enforcement .
> 
> Suggesting that as automation has moved on ,we need to reassess working time .
> ...


There is already a massive shortage of skilled labour, particularly in manufacturing. The low skilled jobs (a la Trump) just don't exist any more.


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## Gerry Canning (21 Apr 2017)

Purple , You might be right, so maybe employers might need a massive investment in training V hoping the skilled labour exists.
That would be a win - win.


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## Purple (24 Apr 2017)

Gerry Canning said:


> Purple , You might be right, so maybe employers might need a massive investment in training V hoping the skilled labour exists.
> That would be a win - win.


Who is going to pay for the training?
The problem is that there is a shortage of people with the appropriate training and qualifications leaving schools/colleges. Few employers in the SME sector have the resources to train people to that level. We know that not enough kids do STEM subjects in schools. Thankfully we have a good flow of people from Eastern Europe coming here as their training in engineering and related subjects is vastly superior to ours.


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## Firefly (24 Apr 2017)

Gerry Canning said:


> 4 day week to be the norm.



Amen to this. First full week in a few weeks and even though it's only Monday it still feels too long!


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## Duke of Marmalade (25 Apr 2017)

I would establish RTE GAA where GAA fans could indulge themselves 24/7.  For the rest of us I would ban all GAA coverage on RTEs 1 & 2.

I would deport Joe Duffy back to Ballyfermot.  And I'd send Marty Morrissey and Jo Brolly back to where they came from as well.

Oh, and I would give control of the Blood Transfusion Service to the Jehovvah's Witnesses.


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## Purple (25 Apr 2017)

Duke of Marmalade said:


> I would establish RTE GAA where GAA fans could indulge themselves 24/7.  For the rest of us I would ban all GAA coverage on RTEs 1 & 2.
> 
> I would deport Joe Duffy back to Ballyfermot.  And I'd send Marty Morrissey and Jo Brolly back to where they came from as well.
> 
> Oh, and I would give control of the Blood Transfusion Service to the Jehovvah's Witnesses.


I'd also remove all the Irish Language requirements from RTE or close TG4.
I object to the fact that I can't watch GAA or Rugby matches in my native language; English (Nobody in my family has spoken Irish as a first language for over 200 years).
I'd also close gaelscoils as they are the ultimate form of social apartheid; keeping the poor away from the little middle-class darlings.


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## Duke of Marmalade (25 Apr 2017)

I have noticed a growing questioning of RTE playing the Angelus.  I would hold a referendum to give constitutional protection for the Angelus before the the country turns heathen altogether.


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## Purple (25 Apr 2017)

Duke of Marmalade said:


> I have noticed a growing questioning of RTE playing the Angelus.  I would hold a referendum to give constitutional protection for the Angelus before the the country turns heathen altogether.


Maybe we could have a Water Angelus Abortion referendum (WA-A for short)?


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## michaelm (26 Apr 2017)

I'd scrap the TV licence.

10% of households dodge the licence fee despite the constant stream of threatening (wasteful) adverts, Garda and court time is also wasted on this . . many don't pay the court fine and instead are escorted to prison and detained for a few hours . . the whole thing is crazy and wasteful.

The TV licence, in its current guise, has had its day.  There has to be a simpler, less antagonising,  way to fund public service broadcasting.  Surely the €200m or so raised by the current licence can instead be raised by a levy on broadband/TV packages provided by Virgin, Sky, Eir and others.  They might take the hit themselves (or part thereof).


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## Purple (26 Apr 2017)

What about dog licences? They are just a subsidy for Post Offices. What's the point other than that?


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## Firefly (26 Apr 2017)

Purple said:


> What about dog licences? They are just a subsidy for Post Offices. What's the point other than that?



Why is there such rabid discrimination towards dogs anyway? Aren't they man's BFF and all that? What about cats? Hate cats.


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## Purple (26 Apr 2017)

Firefly said:


> Why is there such rabid discrimination towards dogs anyway? Aren't they man's BFF and all that? What about cats? Hate cats.


Cats are vermin. That's why you don't have to stop your car if you run over them.


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## thedaddyman (26 Apr 2017)

I would ban people in housing estates/towns from keeping chickens. We have a cockerel running around my estate at the minute and he's too fast to run over. He is noisy as hell in the morning


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## Purple (26 Apr 2017)

thedaddyman said:


> I would ban people in housing estates/towns from keeping chickens. We have a cockerel running around my estate at the minute *and he's too fast to run over*. He is noisy as hell in the morning


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## ali (26 Apr 2017)

I have a looooong list. I'll start with 2.

Death penalty for anyone breaking trees. Council plant saplings along a new road for example and some psycho teenager goes along snapping the trunks for the craic
Shopping trolley licences for old people (nearly always newly retired men) who can't manage to manoeuvre their trolleys and block the aisles and look blankly at you when you're trying to get by while giving their elderly wives instructions on how best and most efficiently to do the shopping / bagging despite the fact that most have managed without them for 40 years.


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## Purple (27 Apr 2017)

ali said:


> I have a looooong list. I'll start with 2.
> 
> Death penalty for anyone breaking trees. Council plant saplings along a new road for example and some psycho teenager goes along snapping the trunks for the craic



Not a bad idea. A few strategically placed platforms for Garda snipers would probably do.



ali said:


> Shopping trolley licences for old people (nearly always newly retired men) who can't manage to manoeuvre their trolleys and block the aisles and look blankly at you when you're trying to get by while giving their elderly wives instructions on how best and most efficiently to do the shopping / bagging despite the fact that most have managed without them for 40 years.


I make it legal to taser people, usually older women, who leave their shopping trolleys blocking the isle while looking at produce (pawing loose fruit, crushing bread etc). I like to move the trollys out of the way, sometimes into the next isle, or place random small but expensive items in them.


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## ali (27 Apr 2017)

Next:

People (usually groups of women walking 3 / 4 abreast) walking around Marlay Park with their dogs on long setting of extendable leads so they take over the entire footpath so you've to move onto the grass to walk or run past them or jump the lead or trip and break your teeth. If I stop in my tracks and look at them to bring their attention to it so they can reel their lead back in they stare at me as if I'm the one with bad manners.

Not quite a death penalty one but definitely hard labour.

Also similar feelings about parents who let their adorable toddlers waddle around into the path of runners and then look at you expectantly for you to give them a smile communicating the adorableness of their kids. I've news for you people - other people's children aren't cute.


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## Purple (27 Apr 2017)

ali said:


> Next:
> 
> People (usually groups of women walking 3 / 4 abreast) walking around Marlay Park with their dogs on long setting of extendable leads so they take over the entire footpath so you've to move onto the grass to walk or run past them or jump the lead or trip and break your teeth. If I stop in my tracks and look at them to bring their attention to it so they can reel their lead back in they stare at me as if I'm the one with bad manners.
> 
> Not quite a death penalty one but definitely hard labour.


I was walking my dog in that very park a few years ago and another dog, not on a lead, ran over and started nipping at my dog. I put my foot under the other dog and kind of lifted it into the stream (it's a small but muddy stream). The woman who owned it then came around the corner and started shouting at me. I told her that if she apologised to me for the distress her uncontrolled dog had caused I would let the matter drop. She got even angrier . 



ali said:


> Also similar feelings about parents who let their adorable toddlers waddle around into the path of runners and then look at you expectantly for you to give them a smile communicating the adorableness of their kids. I've news for you people - other people's children aren't cute.


People who let their dogs and children walk on cycle paths is by bugbear. If you cycle into a small child at 20 miles an hour you could be badly hurt! I'd make it legal for cyclists to slap pedestrians in the head (back or front depending on the direction of travel) as they pass if the pedestrian is on the cycle path. Children and dogs could be kicked out of the way. If your child was kicked into the road by a cyclist travelling at 20 or 30 miles an hour you would remember not to let them walk on a cycle path again.


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## ali (27 Apr 2017)

I'm just warming up.

People who bring their dogs to a DOG PARK (whose sole purpose is to let your dog off the lead to explore, sniff and interact with other dogs) who proceed to have a heart attack when your dog approaches theirs. - Fifty lashes.

People who place bags of smelly household rubbish into their cars and drive up towards the mountains where I live and dump their rubbish at the side of the road for their bags to burst and destroy the place - They get their legs broken slowly.

People who were offended yesterday when Katie Price used the word Nigger to describe the abuse her son was getting and who felt that due to her whiteness she should be precluded from using it. A horrible racial slur used to describe her biological, mixed race little boy and she's not allowed to voice the word. New wave PC crap. - Mass internment.


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## Firefly (27 Apr 2017)

Purple said:


> I was walking my dog in that very park a few years ago and another dog, not on a lead, ran over and started nipping at my dog. I put my foot under the other dog and kind of lifted it into the stream (it's a small but muddy stream).



You should try it with a cat sometime, it's great how they just seem to wrap around your foot. You could easily get 10 or 15 feet with them. Their reaction to landing in a stream would be great too.


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## Firefly (27 Apr 2017)

Purple said:


> I was walking my dog in that very park a few years ago and another dog, not on a lead, ran over and started nipping at my dog.




Reminds me of a time long ago when I was at the beach with our new pup (German Shepherd of about 6 months). The pup was off the lead and we were running among the baby dunes in Inchydoney (a lovely spot). Anyway, we come across a family all sitting around a big parcel of tinfoil. The Dad was about to slice some slices off a cooked chicken when the pup jumps in, grabs the whole chicken and makes off like a mad yoke!! It's was hilarious. Your man goes ape at me (I must have been about 14 at the time). Ah, the days!!


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## Purple (28 Apr 2017)

Firefly said:


> Reminds me of a time long ago when I was at the beach with our new pup (German Shepherd of about 6 months). The pup was off the lead and we were running among the baby dunes in Inchydoney (a lovely spot). Anyway, we come across a family all sitting around a big parcel of tinfoil. The Dad was about to slice some slices off a cooked chicken when the pup jumps in, grabs the whole chicken and makes off like a mad yoke!! It's was hilarious. Your man goes ape at me (I must have been about 14 at the time). Ah, the days!!


I would have eaten your dog


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## S.L.F (15 Jul 2017)

Firefly said:


> Reminds me of a time long ago when I was at the beach with our new pup (German Shepherd of about 6 months). The pup was off the lead and we were running among the baby dunes in Inchydoney (a lovely spot). Anyway, we come across a family all sitting around a big parcel of tinfoil. The Dad was about to slice some slices off a cooked chicken when the pup jumps in, grabs the whole chicken and makes off like a mad yoke!! It's was hilarious. Your man goes ape at me (I must have been about 14 at the time). Ah, the days!!



I cannot imagine anything worse than being hungry and a dog swipes the entire chicken.

I'm sure the man is laughing now about it but having a hungry family around is no fun.


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## S.L.F (15 Jul 2017)

Ban all UPVc windows.

Ban Ikea

Ban humanities courses especially gender studies

All feminists to be given jobs on building sites and made do exams on real historical facts as compared to made up ones.

I'd make it a rule that all weighing scales are to be removed and put in the sea about 200 km off shore, anyone who wanted to weigh themselves have to swim out to find out what weight they are.

Increase the voting age to thirty and only people gainfully employed are allowed to vote (no students or liberals allowed to vote)

People who disagree with any of my points to be put on a chain gang and made dig ditches till they come to the point of enlightenment and think as they are told to.


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