# accused of stealing €600 from my mothers house safe. What can I do?



## bogartsqueen (14 Jan 2010)

I have been accussed of stealing money €600 from my mothers safe.

he money turned up in the room but she still inists i panicked and stached it there.  

This is not the first time I have been accused of stealing money from her.  I have never in my life stolen money from my mother so I honestly don't know why she always thinks it was me.

Anyway we never find out who did take the money and it does be forggon about but I am the one always left feeling hurt by the accusations.

I am really mad at her this time and I want to once for all prove to her I didn't touch the safe. 

If I rang the Gardai, would they be able to help, come out and fingerproof the safe and me?

Is there anything I can do?

Within in the time limit she thinks I took the money there was barley enought time to take any money let alone go and wipe the safe down.


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## Purple (14 Jan 2010)

*Re: Have been accussed of stealing!!!*

Are you talking about a safe in a house or a business?
Is your mother elderly?


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## bogartsqueen (14 Jan 2010)

*Re: Have been accussed of stealing!!!*

No my mother is not elderly.  The safe is in her home house.

We both went into the room at the same time and found the money on her bed. 

She at first thought it was my father who put it there. I was as clueless as she was as to how it got there.


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## truthseeker (14 Jan 2010)

*Re: Have been accussed of stealing!!!*

The guards will tell you youre wasting their time if no theft has happened and you just want to use them to prove to your mother that you werent at the safe.

Your issue here is your mother clearly doesnt trust you. I dont know if its unfounded or not, but if you want to avoid these accusations then only arrange to meet her outside her home (and tell her not to bring any cash or valuables) so you cant be accused of stealing from her.


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## ney001 (14 Jan 2010)

*Re: Have been accussed of stealing!!!*

Gardai will view this as a civil matter unless your mother reports you and wants you charged.  

Stay away from the house, don't go into the bedroom for any reason and as T-seeker says if your mother wants to see you tell her to meet you away from the house - although you are probably better off taking a break from her for a while.


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## Caveat (14 Jan 2010)

*Re: Have been accussed of stealing!!!*

Is there any reason to associate with your mother at all on a general basis? I wouldn't if I were you (and assuming your mother doesn't have psychiatric problems of some sort)


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## paddi22 (14 Jan 2010)

*Re: Have been accussed of stealing!!!*

She couldn't be developing alzheimer's disease, could she? My granny developed it, and one of the first signs was paranoia about things being stolen from her. She used to move items around and then forget she did it, and accuse us of it.


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## delgirl (14 Jan 2010)

*Re: Have been accussed of stealing!!!*

My Dad had dementia and was convinced I was taking money from his bank account, even though both myself and my mother showed him the bank statement on an ongoing basis and nothing had been withdrawn.

It's a dreadful thing to be accused of something you haven't done, particularly by a close family member.  

Maybe the OP's father took the money out, put it on the bed and forgot about it?  There must be an explanation - who has the key/code for the safe?  Suggest to your mother that she changes the code and doesn't give it to anyone apart from herself and your dad.


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## Mommah (14 Jan 2010)

*Re: Have been accussed of stealing!!!*

I agree with pps about early dementia.
They cannot remember taking it out themselves.
Hopefully its not but definitely worth looking for the signs.


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## circle (14 Jan 2010)

*Re: Have been accussed of stealing!!!*



delgirl said:


> Suggest to your mother that she changes the code and doesn't give it to anyone apart from herself and your dad.


 
Maybe also suggest that she leave a copy of the code with her solicitor - just in case there are memory issues at any point.


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## Bronte (15 Jan 2010)

Maybe your mother should keep the money in a bank.


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## Bronco Lane (15 Jan 2010)

*Re: Have been accussed of stealing!!!*



ney001 said:


> Gardai will view this as a civil matter unless your mother reports you and wants you charged.
> 
> Stay away from the house, don't go into the bedroom for any reason and as T-seeker says if your mother wants to see you tell her to meet you away from the house - although you are probably better off taking a break from her for a while.


 
I certainly would not visit her house unless you have someone present with you.  Explain to her that because of the accusation that she has made against you, you can no longer visit unless you have a witness present to protect your good name. Stick to this.


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## Rois (15 Jan 2010)

I would speak to your father/siblings about this and suggest you look for medical diagnosis re alzheimers/dementia. Medical issues can't be discussed on AAM, but you can go forward with this yourself.


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## bogartsqueen (15 Jan 2010)

My mothers mother had Alzheimers.  She does sometimes forget things were she put things and were she spent her money etc.  She will tell you the same story 2 or 3 times.  Quite possibly she could be getting it.

On the night in question we were all at a family do.  She was the only one who did not take a drink.  She went home early.  We all went back to her house later for a sing song.  I had a fight with my partner on the way there in the cab so as soon as we got in the house I went and sat in my sisters room and had a smoke.  My sister and my partner followed me up and all sat on the bed trying to resolve the argument.  My mother then popped her head in the door and I was upset and left the room woth her.  We went into her room, and she went to fix the blanket on the bed before we sat on it. As she pulled it we saw a load of money scattered there, I said jokinly it was mine.  She picked it up and said it must have been my fathers as he had been in the room getting something earlier. Perhaps it fell out of his pocket.  So we sat and had a chat for a few mins. Then she left the room and went into my sisters room just across the hall, A min or so later my sister came and got me as my partner wanted to talk.  I went back into my sisters room and made up with my partner. We went downstairs and had a few drinks then went home.

For 3 days my mother was laughing because she still had what she thought was my dads money and she was laughing at the fact that he was probally too chicken to ask for it back.  Only yesterday she was doing her house keeping books and she realized that the money my brother had given her to save for him (€600) was missing from the safe.  So she confronted my father who said the money wasn't his so it must be my brothers money.  they were confused as to how it got on the bed.

Anyway now she's telling everyone, for the 1 or 2 mins I was left alone in her room I ran over to her safe, took the money and then either had a change of heart and just threw the money on the bed or I heard her coming and paniked and threw the money on the bed.  I have tried to tell her that we both found the money together before she left the room but she just wont listen.  Just because she was not drinking she thinks her story has to be correct.  I wasn't drunk and I can remember everthing that night and so can my partner and sister.
i don't even know the code to her safe, nobody does but her and my father, when I tild her this she said I must of either guessed it or saw her enter it once.  Even thou its on a dark place and when she's entereing it her head is totally blocking it as she's blind without her glasses and has to be up really close to see the numbers, so unless my head was on her shoulders there is no way I could of ever seen it.


I have (had) great resprect for my mother and would do anything for her.  She has been very good to me and I would never do something like this to her. I'm distraught and extremley hurt over this accusation.  I have spoken to my father and siblings and then just told me to forget about it and to move on and not to fall out with my mother over it, but I can't.
I will go to any lenghts to prove it wasn't me


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## truthseeker (15 Jan 2010)

bogartsqueen said:


> I will go to any lenghts to prove it wasn't me


 
Why? Youve said it wasnt you, you know it wasnt you, I dont understand this need to 'prove' it?

Why not just explain to your mother calmly that you are as upset as you are and that because of this accusation and behaviour of hers telling other people etc you cannot associate with her any longer because her behaviour is unacceptable?

If you dont draw a line in the sand with unacceptable behaviour you only enable it.


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## Spannerhead (22 Jan 2010)

truthseeker said:


> Why? Youve said it wasnt you, you know it wasnt you, I dont understand this need to 'prove' it?
> 
> Why not just explain to your mother calmly that you are as upset as you are and that because of this accusation and behaviour of hers telling other people etc you cannot associate with her any longer because her behaviour is unacceptable?
> 
> If you dont draw a line in the sand with unacceptable behaviour you only enable it.


 
I'd pretty much agree with this, except it's not easy to disassociate from your mother. Perhaps curtail the times when you are in her home. Also, express to her that if she really doesn't trust you she can ensure you don't have any chance to open her safe by changing the pincode.

I'd hope that at some point she or her husband will figure out one of them did it and clear the air.


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