# Dispute between two executors who are also the benificaries of late mothers will.



## mr grumpy (27 Jul 2016)

*New Member*
Please help, my sister was caring for our mother in the family home who has been ill with cancer the last 7 years, she passed away in January. Our mother made a Will in the local solicitors and on it made me and my sister joint executors. 

I have made a life for myself and have mortgage 4 kids bills, debts etc.... 

My sister is living in the family home with her husband and 2 kids.

She says she does not want to sell the house and wants to remain there until they emigrate in 5 or 6 years time. Apart from the upkeep of the house they are not paying, mortgage, rent.

I said I wouldn't mind if they stayed there but they would need to contribute a rental income to me until they emigrated. They have said that they are not in a position to do so as they can't afford to and they expected to stay in the house anyway rent free as they looked after our mam until she passed away and assumed they were owed that at least.

So as a compromise I requested that the house be sold and they buy a smaller unit and if they needed a loan I would assist and bridge any gap in the cost as she wouldn't be in a position to get a mortgage in her stage of life. 

As the probate is still at application stage and my sister is making things difficult by delaying in passing over information to the solicitor. 

What can I do, she wants to stay put, I want to sell up and pay off some of our mortgage and debts, legally can she stay put and leave me hanging on until they emigrate, or does the sale have to take place regardless as per our mams WILL. 

Please help as our relationship is suffering now and a band aid isn't going to help at this stage.

Thanks in advance for any help!


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## Jon Stark (27 Jul 2016)

Sorry for your loss.

You have left out one critical thing - what does the will say?


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## noproblem (28 Jul 2016)

Have you any idea how difficult it can be to "look after " older people? Your sister "cared" for her mum and your mum over the last years, put her own and her families life on hold and a hell of a lot more besides which you conveniently seem to forget. Now Mum is dead and you want your "cut" and are worried that your relationship with your sister is suffering? Please, please, stop for a moment and really really think about what your sister and her family have been doing, please do that? When you've thought about it enough, go to your sister, thank her for all she's done for your mum and you,  tell her there's no rush whatsoever with dividing the home she's lived in and cared for mum all those years. You'll find it very, very, rewarding and there could will be a loving everlasting relationship with your sister thrown in for nothing. Try it, it works.


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## Deiseblue (28 Jul 2016)

The solicitor should be in a position to advise you as to your options , legally I believe that if agreement can not be reached with your sibling you can apply for a court order in order to sell the house.


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## PaddyBloggit (28 Jul 2016)

As executors you must follow what the will says.

So what does the will say?


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## mr grumpy (28 Jul 2016)

Hi all thanks for your input to date  I will read with interest your responses, the Will states;

I appoint son Mr Grumpy and daughter Miss Grumpy executors of this my Will.

I give devise and bequeath all of my property of every kind and discription and whatsoever situate unto my son Mr Grumpy and daughter Miss Grumpy in equal shares for their sole use and benefit absolutely. 

Hope this helps, and thanks again.


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## Deiseblue (28 Jul 2016)

Such being the case , my advise stands - the solicitor acting will confirm.


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## mf1 (28 Jul 2016)

"Have you any idea how difficult it can be to "look after " older people? Your sister "cared" for her mum and your mum over the last years, put her own and her families life on hold and a hell of a lot more besides which you conveniently seem to forget. Now Mum is dead and you want your "cut" and are worried that your relationship with your sister is suffering? Please, please, stop for a moment and really really think about what your sister and her family have been doing, please do that? When you've thought about it enough, go to your sister, thank her for all she's done for your mum and you, tell her there's no rush whatsoever with dividing the home she's lived in and cared for mum all those years. You'll find it very, very, rewarding and there could will be a loving everlasting relationship with your sister thrown in for nothing. Try it, it works."

That is very laudable but if you re-read the OP's post he has offered options to his sister. 

And this?

"She says she does not want to sell the house and wants to remain there until they emigrate in 5 or 6 years time."  Frankly, that is just taking the proverbial!

The mother made a will - she left everything to the two of them - not just the sister so yes, OP is entitled to expect that he can realise his share.

mf


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## john luc (31 Jul 2016)

"Taking your cut" is not a fair comment. If you are left something in a will then your entitled to it. If you can find a way to resolve this without a family fallout would be best but since your mother decided that this is her willed wishes you should not have to apologise for it.


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## Black Sheep (31 Jul 2016)

Surely we should specify in our wills "sell the house and give equal (or some other specified) shares to A,B and C" and therefore avoid so many family disputes.


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## bleary (1 Aug 2016)

The op may be entitled to his cut but i wish he had thought how much his cut would have been worth less the 1000 euro a week nursing home care would have taken from the estate over the last 7 years 
 I can only agree with the poster above and urge the poster to approach this issue with the same generosity your sister and her family approached caring for your mother over 7 years. 
i think they should defer for a number of years in light of their contribution.  You're not legally obliged to though the same way you or your sister had no legal obligation to care for her. It had to be done and your sister did it while the op made a life for himself


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## ant dee (1 Aug 2016)

I would also agree to letting your sister live there with her family rent free, if it is for 5 years you should make sure its clear what happens after that, and of course what happens with house costs / repairs. Maybe suggest 4 years.

Pause and think, what would happen if you were an only child?

If you feel you prefer to 'force them out' try and make a reasonable worth of all these 7 years of care. Of course divide that by 2. How much care did your mother need, maybe she was not in such a bad state at the first years and she was minding the kids or something.
Also, what was your mother's pension used for?


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## mr grumpy (2 Aug 2016)

Hi all thank you for your responses so far, it was as much as a convenience for my sister to live there and look after our mother as anything else. She has never had a mortgage and never wanted to rent, it was her choice to live in the family home, nobody forced her. Our mams cancer only got really poor the last 2 to 3 years, we had care workers in every day who also gave meds and helped in looking after mam.

I had said to my sister that she should make a life for herself with her kids and husband and our mam could have gone into care where she would have received the care she so deserved.

Our mams pension went on the day to day costs of running the house food bills etc. I have always thanked my sister for being there for our mam but I also did say she should live her life and not put it on hold. Our mam never looked after my sisters kids, as her husband didn't work so stayed at home to be a live at home dad while my sister would work in the local shop 9 to 5. 

 As she said to me, it was my choice to move and rear my kids and make a life for myself, it was her choice to live rent & mortgage free in our family home all of her life!


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## ant dee (2 Aug 2016)

Maybe the OP is right after all.
I hope you can reach an agreement without ruining your relation.


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## Sue Ellen (2 Aug 2016)

Sister could also conveniently change her mind in 5/6 years time and decide to stay put. Problem needs to be addressed now and the Will will look after that.


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## POC (3 Aug 2016)

So it sounds like your sister has lived rent free all her life, and has never had to pay rent or a mortgage. Do you really think she is planning to emigrate? Or is she just kicking the can down the road? 
I think you are being very fair and she is unreasonable to expect to stay rent free in the house indefinitely. I wonder was she expecting to be left the house.


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## mr grumpy (6 Aug 2016)

POC said:


> So it sounds like your sister has lived rent free all her life, and has never had to pay rent or a mortgage. Do you really think she is planning to emigrate? Or is she just kicking the can down the road?
> I think you are being very fair and she is unreasonable to expect to stay rent free in the house indefinitely. I wonder was she expecting to be left the house.


I think you hit the nail on the head!


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## john luc (6 Aug 2016)

Deal with it now is the best thing. Your sister could drag this out and the next thing you could have her claiming squatters rights to the whole property


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## moneybox (6 Aug 2016)

mr grumpy said:


> *New Member*
> 
> 
> 
> So as a compromise I requested that the house be sold and they buy a smaller unit and if they needed a loan I would assist and bridge any gap in the cost as she wouldn't be in a position to get a mortgage in her stage of life.



Out of interest, how old is your sister, if she is too old now to get a mortgage, why would she be even considering  emigration in five or six years time?  Emigration is a huge upheaval for any family especially so for parents getting on in years.  It looks like your sister us burying her head in the sand and can't face moving from the home she has become accustomed to living in these past number of years.  Hope you come to an amicable solution OP, it's very important to try and preserve the relationship between the two of you.


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## Vanessa (7 Aug 2016)

moneybox said:


> Out of interest, how old is your sister, if she is too old now to get a mortgage, why would she be even considering  emigration in five or six years time?  Emigration is a huge upheaval for any family especially so for parents getting on in years.  It looks like your sister us burying her head in the sand and can't face moving from the home she has become accustomed to living in these past number of years.  Hope you come to an amicable solution OP, it's very important to try and preserve the relationship between the two of you.


It is not a relationship if it is being maintained by one person exploiting another. Your mothers wishes as stated in the will should be observed. Otherwise it is your mother as well as you who is being disrespected


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## amtc (7 Aug 2016)

Emigration also works on a points system...if your sister works in a shop and husband stays at home...I'm not sure they would qualify without a large amount of cash. Does the five to six year time frame relate to completion of children's schooling or professional qualifications.

Also best laid plans don't work out...I have a friend who is one of 7 and three wanted to keep family home. This was 5 years ago.land around house was zoned commercial and they were dithering on an offer for several million for years. Eventually commercial company got fed up waiting and bought elsewhere. Family home now worth a lot less.


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## irishmoss (7 Aug 2016)

Also remember if she stays there she may claim squatters rights after six years

Taken from Irish Independent

If a squatter enjoys adverse and exclusive possession of land for 12 years which is inconsistent with the title of the true owner, the title of that property owner is said to be extinguished.

This is reduced to six years where the property is the estate of a deceased person


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## mr grumpy (17 Aug 2016)

moneybox said:


> Out of interest, how old is your sister, if she is too old now to get a mortgage, why would she be even considering  emigration in five or six years time?  Emigration is a huge upheaval for any family especially so for parents getting on in years.  It looks like your sister us burying her head in the sand and can't face moving from the home she has become accustomed to living in these past number of years.  Hope you come to an amicable solution OP, it's very important to try and preserve the relationship between the two of you.


Hi ya moneybox, she is 50 and turning 51 in October.


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## paddytheape (23 Aug 2016)

Give your sister a fixed amount of time (3 years) for free rent, then sell the house.  Factor in the cost of your mam being in a home for two years (100k) and give half (personally i'd give 3/4) to your sister from proceeds of sale (for her 'choosing' to look after her mam in her time of need, you obviously have no idea what 'caring' for a loved one entails) Though if your sister wants to stay put, work something out like a ten year loan to recoup half your share of the house, minus the cost of two years hospice fees.  Good luck!


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## ant dee (23 Aug 2016)

From what i understand, they had care workers every day, even though the husband didn't have a job.
Personally, from all the (one-sided) details I read here, I don't think the OP owes much to his sister. 
Maybe a couple of years rent free.


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