# In over my head



## Penny_Less (2 Apr 2010)

Hello, I just registered as I'd like some advice on debt and coping with it.

I had a great job, now I don't. I've also discovered I have a long term progressive illness.  The stress of all the debt I have is killing me.  There are times where I feel like the only way out of this is to do something silly, which I have attempted numerous times over the last few months.  I think I have a handle on this now though.

I have my mortgage (but they are being brilliant with me).
I have a car on finance, but I live very very rural with no transport links so I've been reluctant to give this back.  This debt has now been passed to collectors too.
I have an overdraft in my old bank account for 10k
I have a credit card debt that was passed to a collector and then passed to a solicitor for 11k.  They sent me a letter to say a judgement had been passed, and they were bringing me to court to talk about payments.
My ESB bill is in excess of 2k
I can't heat my house because I couldn't pay the last batch of oil.

I was talking to MABS by phone a few months back and I wrote to my car lender and mortgage lender.  Mortgage gave me 6 months off and the car said they would get back to me.  They never did, but sent the debt to the collectors.
I get letters every day, and as much as I know I should get in to communication, I burn them.  

I don't even know what I hope to gain by posting, but I just needed to offload.  I can't talk to my parents about it, as they are in no position to help and it would just stress them out completely.

The social welfare I get every week is much appreciated, however it doesn't leave a lot left over to make offers of payments.

I feel absolutely lost and I don't know what to do.  I hide in my house all of the time and avoid anything from the postman you might have to sign for.  I don't feel suicidal now, but I really can't see any other way.


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## Gervan (2 Apr 2010)

At the end of the day, it's just money. If you have to give up the house and car, and go to live with family or friends, it will give you a chance to focus on your own health, and to breathe again.
Many of us have had to start over, new career, new country or whatever. Until you free yourself of your debts you can't think straight. Talk to MABA again, but be prepared to let go of things you can't afford. 
Don't give up on life; think of this as a change, a new direction. What do you really want? You're not defined by your posessions.


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## hippy1975 (2 Apr 2010)

Hi Pennyless, that is a terrible situation, you are right to post, there are people here who can give great advice - not sure I'm one of them though but I do feel for you!  From what I can see, talking to Mabs again might be the way to go, to get agreements with your creditors that you pay some small amount off, whatever you can afford, I saw a post here last night where someone with a lot of debt had, through Mabs, managed to agree a payment of 30 per week, managable and keeping them all at bay until things improve for you.  Please don't hide from it, if you ignore it it will get worse, hard to face up to it I know, but the only thing to cure worry is action.  And please please put bad thoughts out of your head, nothing is worth that, you don't want to upset your parents by telling them of your debt so please don't end their whole world by doing anything silly.

.....and maybe think again about talking to them about it, they are probably stronger than you think, have probably been through their own hard times and will be able to advise you.  Sorry I don't have more practical advice (others on the site will, I'm sure) but I wish you all the best, please hang in there, get onto mabs, try to get something agreed and this will get better,


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## Penny_Less (2 Apr 2010)

Thanks for your replies. I wouldn't burden my parents with it. I am rich compared to them at the moment. My Dad, despite working for years can't get the dole as he was self employed, despite paying thousands and thousands in taxs over the years.

I am not single, I live with my husband, but he can't contribute for various reasons.

How can I let go on my possessions though?  They are not massive luxuries, it's a roof over my head and transport which I desperatly need as I attend the hospital a lot.

I think its the worry of court, which is enevitable at this stage.


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## Penny_Less (2 Apr 2010)

hippy, sorry I only saw your post after I posted.  You post made a lot of sense to me, thanks


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## hippy1975 (2 Apr 2010)

Yeah, think our posts crossed.  Is there anyone you could borrow a car from when you need it, maybe your parents ( are they near?) and give yours back?


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## Penny_Less (2 Apr 2010)

That's another thing, I live in the sticks and all my family and friends are in Cork, a good 2 hour + drive.  It costs a tenner to get a taxi to the train station, and that's a tenner back too.


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## hippy1975 (2 Apr 2010)

Yikes, I see what you mean.  You need to talk to Mabs again, try to meet with them rather than over the phone, and in the meantime you need to open every letter, they have to know what the situation is to be able to approach it.  See if they could arrange for you to go interest only on the mtg for a while, with Esb and Cc hopefully make some arrangement to pay small amounts - however small, if you talk to them they are more likely to be open to agreeing to something than if you're stonewalling them


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## cazmayo (3 Apr 2010)

Hi there,

I know your feeling overwhelmed, and thus not able to cope, but you dont have to deal with this on your own.  Go into MABS in person with all your paperwork.  They will do up and income and expenditure and negociate with your creditors on your behalf, they will work out what you can afford.

Have your applied for the Mortgage Interest Supplement?  If you put the Mortgage on Interest Only and then you get a payment towards the interest, that will keep the roof over your head.

Make sure you are getting everything your entitled to.

We have been self employed so I know what its like to worry about money, but dont torture yourself.

At one point, there is no way we could pay everything, so I did up a income and expenditure, and then wrote to each creditor renegotiating each loan across the board providing them with the statement.  They all agreed with my proposal.

I really urge you to go to MABS as this is what they are doing every day of the week.  Then  you can get back to some normality and look after your health.

Best of luck.
caz


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## german (3 Apr 2010)

things will get better penny less. Go out, take a book and go for a  picnic this weekend. You don't need money for everything and you should  try not to allow this to get you down.


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## becky (3 Apr 2010)

I'd check your insurance policies. My friend got very sick a few years back (she was single)  Her brother looked at her insurance policies and got her mortgage paid off.


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## pudds (3 Apr 2010)

God I feel your pain but *please* don't ignore letters that will only make matters worse...... but talk to the agencies involved as at the end of the day you can only pay what you can afford while being left with enough to get by and that will take some of the pressure off you that you feel now.


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## Mongola (5 Apr 2010)

Hi Pennyless. Although you are bot in a good situation at the moment, you need to keep going and try to stay positive. I know it is easier said than done but at the end of  the day it is only money and your health, physical & mental should be your priority. At the same time, you can not ignore the situation as it will not go away. I am glad to see though that you are facing it even though it is stressing you out. 

You mentioned that you spoke to MABS a while ago...I think you should talk to them ASAP. You can not be alone in this, you HAVE to have a support system around you. From both an institution that will be able to advise you but also from your family. You said that you could not talk to your parents as they would not be in a position to help you financially. What about moral support??? Being able to talk about it with someone, will help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

I wish you the very best of luck and keep us updated.


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## ciara84 (5 Apr 2010)

Hi , I cannot offer you financial advice , but rest assured you are not alone ,so many now find themselves in your position. The stress of all this is making you ill , ive found myself in this position before, you need to sort your stress levels first , i found meditating helped , watch youtube meditating videos for tips , i like the video 11 useful tips for how to use the secret.     , put things in perspective , i know its hard to ignore but f**k it , this is your life, dont let money ruin it. we only get one life and to let money worries rule it is pointless. new start , keep smilin : ) there will be a day soon when you will laugh at yourself for worrying like this .


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## BONDGIRL (8 Apr 2010)

Hi I just came across this and I can feel your pain and your anixety as I read it.
Haveyou spoken to your husband about all this? Does he know ALL of it, all of your debt and all of your worry?  Maybe if you really write it all down he can help with payments or at least load some of the worry off your head.  Because if you dont share this worry you will get very very sick...  I was lucky as in when I lost my very good job last yr I did get a pay off so I cleared HUGE amount of CC debt etc..  People think of she got a great pay off shes laughing now for a few yrs but I had big big debts..  Who's fault. my own. I thought I would work forever, treated money like ****...  I now appreciate every cent I have and I RESPECT my money for first time in my life....  You need to share this.. please


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## Penny_Less (16 Jun 2010)

Hello

Thanks everyone who replied. Just an update.  I got my electricity turned off, but after much begging and crying, they turned it back on and installed a meter.  One less bill coming in the door.
I have told my parents after another attempt at what I mentioned above, it was quite a relief to speak with them. 

I have contacted 'some' creditors.  Now just waiting to see what happens next.


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## Slim (16 Jun 2010)

Penny_Less said:


> Hello
> 
> Thanks everyone who replied. Just an update. I got my electricity turned off, but after much begging and crying, they turned it back on and installed a meter. One less bill coming in the door.
> I have told my parents after another attempt at what I mentioned above, it was quite a relief to speak with them.
> ...


 
Hi Penny - I am more concerned about your attempts on your own life and your health situation than your fianncial situation. Put all your cards on the table with MABs or without them. Do not be afraid of court. You will be amazed at how sympathetic the court will be and the small amount they will declare you should pay. Seek professional (free) help through your GP for your psychological health. Get the doctors on board as well as it will help in court. You are far from alone today and you need to talk to others in a similar situation. Good luck. Slim


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## Penny_Less (16 Jun 2010)

Thanks Slim.  I presented myself to my GP along with my husband last December and told him what I was doing.  I was referred on to a consultant, who told me she needed to refer me on to someone else.  I have been chasing this back and forward for an appointment, and still 6 months on and they know I am at risk, but looks like a lot of other people are too.


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## truthseeker (16 Jun 2010)

Hi Pennyless,
Ive some practical questions:

Could you sell your house and rent somewhere nearer family and friends?

Could you sell your car and get a cheap little runaround?

What kind of income does your husband have, if any?

Can ye sit down together and, excluding debt for a minute, come up with a weekly spend plan that covers groceries and day to day expenses - if its high start looking at where cuts can be made (like shopping in cheaper places like Lidl), and try and get a manageable amount going weekly to cover day to day living, then see whats left over after cuts/adjustments and just use that to make very small payments to creditors? If you make any very small payments it will look much better if things go to court - at least you have been making an effort.

Junk - do a clear out, sell your stuff at a car boot sale - a friend of mine made over 300 euro with a clear out sale like that.

Mental health - all of the above is minor compared to looking after your mental health - please talk to people if you are feeling suicidal - its not an answer, its something that would have a terrible effect on many people around you. 

Good luck with it all - you WILL get through this. There will be another good job, change of circumstance, windfall etc....

This too shall pass, and dont forget that.


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## Penny_Less (16 Jun 2010)

Hi Truthseeker,

Thanks.  We had looked at that option, but rent is high, higher than our mortgage in the area friends and family live.

The car isn't worth much now, and we couldn't afford a push-bike at the moment.  I worried about that too, as if they lifted it one day we'd have nothing to get us around.  

Husband has no income at present.

We actually did this this morning, a statement of means type of thing.  With just necessities we still overspend by 20euro per week.

Definitely have the junk planned, probably have stuff left from the 'good days' that people would love.

RE: Mental Health - rang the hospital there earlier to try and speed things up.

I love your last two lines, thank you


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## MOFFY01 (16 Jun 2010)

This too shall pass, and dont forget that.[/QUOTE]

that is a phrase that i have repeated to myself many times in both good and bad times - i think its a thought we should all dwell on a little more


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## truthseeker (16 Jun 2010)

Penny_Less said:


> Thanks. We had looked at that option, but rent is high, higher than our mortgage in the area friends and family live.


 
Have you spoken to your local CWO in social welfare - would you be eligible for rent allowance if you did manage to sell your house - with no income from either of you maybe thats something to think about?

Also - can you get any help from social welfare in the current situation, without selling the house? I know a family where both parents lost their jobs and went onto welfare and there is some assistance they have received on the mortgage as well.


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## Penny_Less (16 Jun 2010)

We have been advised to apply for mortgage supplement from CWO.  Have the forms, signed by the bank and I am terrified of going down, incase he says no (I know that is stupid, but it will be the end of the road regarding our roof if that is the case).  As far as I know you cannot have your house up for sale if you want to apply/receive this allowance.


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## truthseeker (16 Jun 2010)

Penny_Less said:


> We have been advised to apply for mortgage supplement from CWO. Have the forms, signed by the bank and I am terrified of going down, incase he says no (I know that is stupid, but it will be the end of the road regarding our roof if that is the case). As far as I know you cannot have your house up for sale if you want to apply/receive this allowance.


 
Go down. See what he says. At the moment its in stasis - some action is better than the fear of any action. 

If you get the mortgage supplement you will mentally feel a lot better that SOMETHING has been addressed and changed.

Would you make any money if you sold the house? How much is it worth Vs how much is left on the mortgage?


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## Penny_Less (16 Jun 2010)

We borrowed 215,000, it is worth around 180,000 (possibly less now).

What do you mean by statis?  Income only from SW.


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## truthseeker (16 Jun 2010)

I just meant that any action is better than no action, both practically and mentally. I know its hard to face up to the various difficult tasks and decisions, but its actually better to do so because hiding from them makes them seem much worse and much harder to do in the long run. But I completely understand why you feel the way you do!!

So its not worth selling in terms of using the money to pay off anything else. Well, for now, see what the CWO says, as mentioned already things wont be like this forever, but you need a break.


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## partnership (22 Jun 2010)

If you are both only in receipt of social welfare and have no other means then you will get the mortgage interest supplement from the CWO.  If you are working with MABS the CWO may also help out with an exceptional needs payment in some instances.  Once they see you are trying to help yourself they will try their best to help.  All you can do is ask if they say no you will not be any worse off.  I have my own money problems at present but they pale in comparison.  I wish you well.


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## decodiva (23 Jun 2010)

the samaratins are always at the end of the phone too penny-less.. 
i found this free phone number in case you need to chat to someone..*
1850 609090

*


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## Penny_Less (24 Jun 2010)

Thanks again.  I am heading down to the CWO now, dreading it completely, but sure if I don't ask, I won't get.


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## Tessi (24 Jun 2010)

*You are not alone*

Hi Penny Less

You are not alone in this, neither am I or the thousands of good honest people who put their faith in the people we voted for.  People whom are paid vasts amounts of money to run the country and guide and advise the people of Ireland in the best course of action they should take in various situations ie: buying their homes etc.  We made decisions at the time to the best of our abilities which were largly based on the message our experts were giving out. 

 If we knew then what we know now about the reckless decisions etc made by both government and banks, a lot of us would not have thrown away our good hard earned money on extremely over priced houses, even the very modest small homes like my own, we certainly wouldn't have paid good money to buy into businesses that unknowns to us were about to lose it's market because of the recession  that was about to hit like a hurricane, even though my research at the time told me the business had been very successful for many years. 

 I, like yourself have overdraft debts, small business loans and credit card debt which I am not ignoring but have not managed to neg repayments due to our bank waiting for us to get our walfare payments sorted etc. We have finally managed to get €86/week in mortgage supplement so we now need to go back to our creditors and arrange some sort of repayment plan.  The repayment will be extremely small even though the two credit card companies I wrote to won't accept my minimum payment. 

 Penny Less, I have absolutely no idea how we are going to pay even a small sum each month and the interest they are all refusing to freeze is climbing every day.  When this happened first, I suffered the most severe anxiety ever, I drank very awful cheap vodca from tescos to get away from the crippling fear i had each day but which only esclated my fears etc.  I have since stopped this distructive behaviour, eat healthly, work each day on my gratatude, continually turn negitive thoughts into positive ones, do small amounts of exercise, put aside each week small sums to cover esb, tele etc, put small sums in credit union to cover up coming car tax/ins tv licence etc. 

 I joined library, keep two inspirational books by my bed and dip into them both morning and night.  I have gotton rid of 80% of the stress but my circumstance remain similar.  I also live hours away from family whom i cannot see very often as can't afford the petrol but thats life for now.  I will cope with what ever the future holds I know that now as long as I keep a healthy mind.  Yes of course the banks/credit card companies are going to shout for their money and take me to court if I am not paying enough.  But Its only court - I am an intellegent woman and I can deal with it.  If the judge asks me to pay over a sum (which needs to be affordable to the person being judged) I will make sure I pay up.  If the judge happens to be a big bad unfair wolf and decides to send me to jail - I am a happy person and I will deal with that too. 

 Penny wise, if you understand and believe that no matter what happens, you will deal with it - well then you have no fear, no stress.  yes thats easier said than done but if you work towards that state of mind each hour/day/week and focus on what you can do to improve your state of mind you will eventually develope the good habits as easily as we have developed the bad habits of negativity in the past.  Smile and be happy.  Keep talking.


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## UptheDeise (24 Jun 2010)

truthseeker said:


> *Mental health - all of the above is minor compared to looking after your mental health - please talk to people if you are feeling suicidal - its not an answer, its something that would have a terrible effect on many people around you*.


 
Yes, I agree with you. Not wanting to sound too cliché but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.


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## Penny_Less (16 Sep 2010)

Just to update this for those that gave me the support when I needed it.  I am doing fantastically well.  I am no longer in that dark place and I am working with MABS now, a huge relief.  

My only worry now is heating my house for the winter, however this is a very small worry compared to what used to be in my head.


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## Ballyman (16 Sep 2010)

Good stuff. Best of luck with everything and I'm sure everything will work out for you. As someone else mentioned above, it's only money.


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