# Domestic Violence



## qwerti (20 Jul 2011)

I live in a house with my older brother who is 23 years old, my mother and my grandmother. My brother has been extremely violent towards my mother and my grandmother. We have a safety order which prevents him from touching me and my mother but my grandmother isn't covered by it. He has assaulted her many times and has even breached the current safety order by assaulting my mother. He was taken into the garda station then and released after 1 hour even though the gardai saw the safety order and a breach of it was clear.

This morning, while I was asleep he attacked my grandmother, brought her to the ground and started kicking her and hitting her everywhere. I called the gardai and they said they would send a car to the house to take her statement but the car never arrived. 

It seems like the gardai won't do anything to help and we don't know what to do. My grandmother has high blood pressure and health problems and the next attack could be fatal.

 We don't know what to do... Any advice?


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## derryman (20 Jul 2011)

don't want to be trite here - but he is 23, unless his name is on the deeds - put him out on his ear - change the locks and call the gardai next time he calls (showing them the order) - he can either move on or be arrested in the street for public order offence / resisting a garda


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## PaddyBloggit (20 Jul 2011)

Exactly .... he is an adult and he should be thrown out.


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## TreeTiger (20 Jul 2011)

Contact Women's Aid (this is their website) - freephone 1800 341 900 (open 10am to 10pm)

Their normal advice is for people in immediate danger to phone the Gardai; as this doesn't seem to be working for you at the moment I hope they will be able to suggest what you can do to improve the situation.

Something else you could try is contacting one or more of your local county councillors and tell them what is happening.

derryman - do you think a man who frequently attacks his mother and grandmother is likely to be deterred by a change in the locks and will walk away quietly?  I think it may not be that likely.


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## burmo (20 Jul 2011)

Agreed. Kick him out and try to get on with your lives... I hope your mother is strong enough to do it and not forgive him...

Best of luck.


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## onq (20 Jul 2011)

Make a complaint to the Garda Ombudsman.

Gardaí get paid enough to do their jobs.

Only excuse is if its a busy time.

Between 11pm-2am say.

Otherwise they attend.

ONQ.


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## Complainer (20 Jul 2011)

You definitely need to get expert advice. Try the Womens Aid service mentioned above or the HSE Elder Abuse service.

I'm not so sure about some of the suggestions here, which is why you need expert advice. If you change the locks, he might well just put the door in or put a window in. My gut instinct would be to have some immediate local help on standby - a few fit young men who are neighbours or can get to the house immediately. But I'm not so sure that my advice is great either - so get expert help.

It might be worth going to the Garda station some time when there is no immediate crisis. Speak to a Sgt or Inspector, or maybe a female community Garda if that's would be more comfortable for you.


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## qwerti (20 Jul 2011)

onq said:


> Make a complaint to the Garda Ombudsman.
> 
> Gardaí get paid enough to do their jobs.
> 
> ...



They eventually came like 3 hours later and advised us to get a barring order if my mother is willing to go through with it. I think it's the best option because this happens quite often.


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## qwerti (20 Jul 2011)

Complainer said:


> I'm not so sure about some of the suggestions here, which is why you need expert advice. If you change the locks, he might well just put the door in or put a window in. My gut instinct would be to have some immediate local help on standby - a few fit young men who are neighbours or can get to the house immediately. But I'm not so sure that my advice is great either - so get expert help.
> 
> It might be worth going to the Garda station some time when there is no immediate crisis. Speak to a Sgt or Inspector, or maybe a female community Garda if that's would be more comfortable for you.



As long as I'm here I will keep him away from them but this morning it happened so fast I couldn't go down in time. I eventually pulled him off of her but he already had beaten her. It was a good thing I heard because she said that he wouldn't have stopped. It's not an answer though because I have a life of my own. I can't stand guard all the time for my brother's psychotic breaks and frankly I'm so sick of him, I want to live a normal peaceful life. I just turned 18. When I was younger he used to bully me as well but now he waits till I'm not here to start on my mother or grandmother.


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## Complainer (20 Jul 2011)

Very sorry to hear of your situation. Please do get expert help asap.


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## mercman (20 Jul 2011)

Sounds like there is some narcotic abuse here. Get in touch with the Garda Domestic Unit in Harcourt Square who will assist you. I know the super in that section and she will happily deal with the matter.


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## derryman (21 Jul 2011)

Tigertree

but this is nub of the issue - because the violence happens within the home - the gardai can conventiently and frequently hide behind a "this is a civil matter" brush-off

Once this "gent" is out on the street, damaging doors and windows is a criminal damage offence- similarly resisting a garda or public order disruption is an offence - all arrestable by the gardai who are usually happy to do so as it is clear-cut for them

you really need to have a read of the non-fatal offences against the person act

http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/1997/en/act/pub/0026/index.html

it is only when someone engages in this behaviour in a public place that the gardai engage - other wise they cry off that it is a civil matter and words are cheap for all


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## mf1 (21 Jul 2011)

These situations tend to be very complex. They are, essentially, societal problems.

Its quite clear that this behaviour is not normal - on any level. I find it almost unbelievable that anyone would hit another person anyway, let alone an elderly woman. But it clearly does happen. So, you have to ask the question- what is going on here? 

Is the brother :

a) A bold article? 
b) A person with addiction problems?
c) A person with mental illness problems?
d) A person with a combination of all of the above? 

OP uses the expression "psychotic breaks" and this may (it may not) be the clue to the Gardai's response. 

There is obviously a serious problem here and it may well be that the brother has been sectioned or should be sectioned. But the problem is unlikely to end there. 

I don't have the answer - any solution offered is likely to have a down side, depending on the individual involved. I suspect it will come down to the women involved pushing hard for the Gardai to deal with this on a criminal basis i.e. assault.

mf


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## WizardDr (21 Jul 2011)

Here is what you do with Garda:

- tell them to give you the Pulse reference number of your complaint
- watch the reaction.


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## onq (21 Jul 2011)

qwerti said:


> They eventually came like 3 hours later and advised us to get a barring order if my mother is willing to go through with it. I think it's the best option because this happens quite often.



This is a very serious matter.
mf1's post sets out the queries clearly.

Your brother is being abusive to an elderly relative.
He has a history of violence towards female and younger relatives.

I'd make sure the community knows about this if getting any barring order.
Once he is barred, he may transfer his aggression to an entirely innocent person.

I realize he's your brother, but you have to put aside family ties - he sounds like "a bad lot", and you have to act to limit the fallout.
You need to rely on and protect each other, and put him away from you or else its quite clear one of you will be killed by this out-of-control person.

By all means get him medical and psychiatric counselling, but you may need to keep him away from you and from other potential targets until he gets his head together.
Unless you act soon, it'll be far too late to do take corrective or restrictive action if he kills someone - the matter will be taken out of your hands, either by enraged relatives of the victim seeking revenge, or the state.

ONQ.


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## onq (21 Jul 2011)

WizardDr said:


> Here is what you do with Garda:
> 
> - tell them to give you the Pulse reference number of your complaint
> - watch the reaction.



Nice one.
I'd forgotten about pulse.

Is it still active up in the Phoenix Park?

I was working there in the eighties on the building site.
Pulse was meant to be the next best thing to sliced bread - Interpol stuff.

ONQ.


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## Sunny (21 Jul 2011)

I don't understand. The Guards came when he assualted your Grandmother (however late after the fact). The fact that she is not covered by the safety order doesn't matter. Assualt is assault as long as you are willing to press charges. Did the guards do absolutely nothing?


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## TreeTiger (21 Jul 2011)

derryman said:


> Tigertree
> 
> but this is nub of the issue - because the violence happens within the home - the gardai can conventiently and frequently hide behind a "this is a civil matter" brush-off
> 
> ...



derryman, I was more coming at this from the point of keeping the ladies in the household safe.  Yes this charming "gent" could be caught for criminal damage after the fact .  But if he did break in, I wonder what are the chances of him being caught by the Gardai before he managed to carry out another assault (possibly fatal) on one of the members of the household?  No matter how fast the response to an emergency call, a lot of damage could be inflicted before they got there.

Hence my suggestion of contacting Women's Aid, or even a local councillor as they are all too familiar with stories of people suffering in their own homes and I thought they would have practical advice for qwerti.


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