# Pregnant Woman - Told to cover her pregnant stomach



## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

I hope you can help me.

I am pregnant and work part time in retail. Yesterday I was serving customers and my boss came in and told me my bump was looking very big and did I not have a cardigan to cover it.

I was wearing a pair of jeans and 2 layered t-shirts that completely covered me and were by no means inappropriate.

I was obvioulsy upset and questioned the boss about it afterwards, saying I didnt think they could ask me to cover my bump. They are stating they have said nothing wrong and Im over reacting. My boss is a woman.

I am naturally deeply upset and don't even want to think about this but I feel I should take this furter just on a point of matter.

Am I over reacting?
Where can I go for informatin on this? employment laws etc?

Many thanks
IS


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## elcato (2 Mar 2010)

> Am I over reacting?


Yes. What's upsetting for you ? If I worked serving the public I would find it OK for someone to tell me that I should dress appropriately.


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## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

please advise what suitable attire is?


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## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

jhegarty-I usually would but I feel so strongly about this, especially when her excuse for saying it to me was 'because she was worried I was cold'...Im 29 years of age, have worked part time with the business for years and she has never had an issue about what I have worn before either because of how it looks or how cold/warm I may be. Im basically insulted, want an apology and would like her to understand, for her own sake,that you cannot speak to employees like this.


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## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

but i think I will prob ignore it...life is too short


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## DavyJones (2 Mar 2010)

Relax Irish spirit, Your manager didn't spit in your face or anything. 
You had a concern and raised it with the person involved, they said there is nothing wrong. Is the matter not over?

Why in God's name do you want to know about employment law for such a trival thing.


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## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

Davyjones- Thank you for your comments.
Do you not think a woman might be insulted if they are told to hide the fact that they are pregnant and that it is inappropriate for an employer to say so?
Would you tell an pregnant EE to cover her pregnant stomach with a jumper/cardigan?


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## Magpie (2 Mar 2010)

Its not so trivial and she wasn't dressed inappropriately . It could be the first step in a campaign of harassment, it is still not at all unusual for pregnant employees to be bullied into quitting so as to save the employer the hassle of maternity leave and so on.

Its the 21st century, it is inappropriate to tell a pregnant employee to hide the evidence.


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## PyritePete (2 Mar 2010)

would it not be worse if you weren't pregnant ? I can understand how you feel (well not really, being a man). Do/did you get on well with your boss ?


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## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

pyrite pete..  I can see why you may say it would be worse if I wasnt pregnant (& on that point you can be sure ppl would be kicking up alot more if my ER had told me to cover up my fat stomach!!!) but as a woman nothing cud b worse than to be made feel like your baby is something to be disgusted and ashamed about, and by being asked to hide it is only suggesting that.


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## galwegian44 (2 Mar 2010)

Irish Spirit said:


> Am I over reacting?
> IS


 
Absolutely not. You have every right to be upset, it was an extremely insensitive comment. Having said that, if it's a one-off comment then I think you should take a deep breath and forget about it.

If it should happen again I would suggest that you ask your manager for the Dress Code Policy and the particular section that you are infringing.

This can be an emotional time for you so just focus on the great things that are happening to you right now and forget about that incident, hopefully there won't be a repeat.

Good luck.


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## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

i wonder, out of interest NOT to start an arguement, is it generally woman who agree with me and men who are telling me Im over-reacting???


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## PyritePete (2 Mar 2010)

Irish Spirit said:


> pyrite pete..  I can see why you may say it would be worse if I wasnt pregnant (& on that point you can be sure ppl would be kicking up alot more if my ER had told me to cover up my fat stomach!!!) but as a woman nothing cud b worse than to be made feel like your baby is something to be disgusted and ashamed about, and by being asked to hide it is only suggesting that.


 
Good point Irish Spirit. WHat happened to a friend of mine on her honeymoon, was that she was asked more than once was she pregnant when she wasn't 

I think you are probably best to leave it go though, blogs like this are great for getting it off your chest - I presume this was covered up too


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## Padraigb (2 Mar 2010)

I am outraged that anybody should speak in such a way to a pregnant woman: it's highly offensive, and even suggests that there is something unsavoury about pregnancy.

The fact that the boss seemed to come up with a weak excuse afterwards suggests to me that she realised that she was wrong, and is trying to slide away from accepting responsibility for what she said. I think, Irish Spirit, that you may have made your point, and that your chances of getting an apology are probably small.

I was disappointed by the tone of a couple of the responses here. I don't think covering a bump should be regarded as a matter of dress code. If T-shirts are normally accepted as appropriate work attire, then they should be accepted as appropriate for pregnant staff (assuming they fit!).

[As my username suggests, I am male, but I am a new man.]


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## canicemcavoy (2 Mar 2010)

It's dreadful you let the bump get so big. Could you not have had a smaller foetus by smoking?

Yes, I'm being completely sarcastic, since I too can't believe that some people think the manager was in the right to say something like that. I'd be worried too that this is an excuse just to start some kind of process against you. 

I would let this incident go as a once off. But I would start to keep a diary of such incidents just in case.


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## DavyJones (2 Mar 2010)

Irish Spirit said:


> Davyjones- Thank you for your comments.
> Do you not think a woman might be insulted if they are told to hide the fact that they are pregnant and that it is inappropriate for an employer to say so?
> Would you tell an pregnant EE to cover her pregnant stomach with a jumper/cardigan?




Did your manager ask you to hide that you were pregnant? or just to cover your belly?. Were you wearing 2 t shirts?, did one finish half way up your bump and the other cover the rest?

Anyhow my point wasn't about you being pregnant, far from it. 

your manager said something they probably could have worded better, you confront them, the matter seems settled. Why would you need to know about employment law is my point? Would you consider for one second to sue your employer?


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## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

no i do not want to sue my ER, I have made it very clear that I just want my boss to understand that you cannot ask a woman to cover her stomach because she is pregnant. I have already said my attire was more than appropriate.The only flesh that was visable was my hands from the wrist and my neck up wards. I do not care to show off the skin on my stomach whether I am pregnant or not.
why do you feel the matter is settled just because I discussed this with my boss?


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## homeowner (2 Mar 2010)

Some of the replies here are an eye opener.  

OP your manager had no right to make that comment to you (assuming you were appropriately dressed and from your description it sounds like you were) and it is speaks volumes as to how she perceives you in your current (glowing ) state. 

Good luck with the pregnancy.  You shouldn't have to hide it at work.


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## DavyJones (2 Mar 2010)

Yes I do, although that depends on if your boss has boss'es and how many. 

So did you wear one shirt that was too small and rode up your bump and a larger one inside that to cover rest?


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## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

I consider a matter resolved when two people discuss it maturely and when one party is in the wrong they admit so, than, and only than is it finalised. I dont think a matter is resolved when one party tells the other party they are over reacting and basically to 'get over it'. That is not how you manage people.

No, everything I wore fiitted perfectly....as I have repeatadly said I was dressed appropriately. I have enough maturity, education,  knowledge and experience in life to know what is appropriate to wear to work.


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## Padraigb (2 Mar 2010)

DavyJones said:


> ... So did you wear one shirt that was too small and rode up your bump and a larger one inside that to cover rest?



Is there any reasonable basis for adopting this line of questioning?


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## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

thank you Padraigb....Im feeling a little harrassed here....


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## DavyJones (2 Mar 2010)

In that case, request a meeting with your manager to discuss the matter further. A mature discussion will make it clear on how ye both stand. The way things should be solved.

Best of luck, and congrats on soon to be new comer


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## Vanilla (2 Mar 2010)

Sounds like she's an idiot. Take no crap from people like this- challenge any remark like this would be my advice. Some people are genuinely insensitive and need to be pointed in the right direction, some people are ignorant and need to be corrected.

I had a boss once ( also female) who once said about me- why keep a dog and bark yourself.  The minute she said it I asked her was she comparing me to a dog and told her I didn't appreciate that remark. She never said it again and I think she admired the fact that I am able to stand up for myself- in a polite way, without agression.

I wouldn't necessarily escalate this to an employment law issue just yet but I would stand up for myself immediately.


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## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

Thank you.


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## DavyJones (2 Mar 2010)

Padraigb said:


> Is there any reasonable basis for adopting this line of questioning?



Just trying to see it from all sides and the  possibilty that manager thought it may have looked untidy. I can't see how anyone would try and tell an employee to hide the fact they are pregnant



Irish Spirit said:


> thank you Padraigb....Im feeling a little harrassed here....



I'm sorry if I made you feel harrassed, that wasn't my intention.


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## Purple (2 Mar 2010)

Padraigb said:


> I am outraged that anybody should speak in such a way to a pregnant woman: it's highly offensive, and even suggests that there is something unsavoury about pregnancy.
> 
> The fact that the boss seemed to come up with a weak excuse afterwards suggests to me that she realised that she was wrong, and is trying to slide away from accepting responsibility for what she said. I think, Irish Spirit, that you may have made your point, and that your chances of getting an apology are probably small.
> 
> I was disappointed by the tone of a couple of the responses here. I don't think covering a bump should be regarded as a matter of dress code. If T-shirts are normally accepted as appropriate work attire, then they should be accepted as appropriate for pregnant staff (assuming they fit!).


+1


Padraigb said:


> [As my username suggests, I am male, but I am a new man.]


 Don't mind him; he's an 'auld fella!


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## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

DavyJones said:


> I can't see how anyone would try and tell an employee to hide the fact they are pregnant
> 
> 
> 
> DavyJones - based on your quote above maybe you can understand now why this has upset me....I couldnt believe it either!!


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## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

DavyJones...thank you for your apology. Kindly accepted.


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## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

and I know now when an employer 'spits in my face' to take it further!


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## Noilheart (2 Mar 2010)

Hi Irish Spirit, just want to offer a word of support to you as a mother in the making.  Im sorry you had to listen to that sort of remark while carrying out your work and also carrying a precious child.  I would say stand up for yourself and rebuff any such remarks in future.  You might only cause yourself stress if you go into all that employment law stuff though.  I suspect a bit of jealousy could be at play there too maybe.


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## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

Thank you for all the supportive comments. Im going to go in tomorrow and act as if nothing happened. Ive stood up for myself and if she doesnt think what she said was wrong than maybe thats something she as an employer & as a human being,needs to look at (this is why I mentioned employment law, not to bring a case or anything drastic like that. I just wanted to show her, in black & white that what she said was inappropriate). Nothing will take away from how happy & excited , and PROUD, I am about my pending arrival....7 weeks to go  (its my first incase its not very obvious!!!)


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## PaddyBloggit (2 Mar 2010)

If the issue comes up again ... ask for a copy of the dress code policy.


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## Irish Spirit (2 Mar 2010)

I can ask for the dress code policy but she is claiming she made comment 'to consider putting on a cardigan' because she was concerned I was cold....so what I was wearing isnt even an issue anymore. Its obvious what the problem is and after what I said to her I doubt she will ever make a similar comment to anyone again.


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## PaddyBloggit (2 Mar 2010)

I reckon the best thing to do is ignore/forget it and move on. Your boss has had her wings clipped so she should have learned her lesson. 

An apology probably isn't forthcoming ..... we humans are slow to say sorry.


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## Padraigb (2 Mar 2010)

Purple said:


> ... Don't mind him; he's an 'auld fella!



Even calling myself a "new man" dates me: it's so 1980s.


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## europhile (2 Mar 2010)

Of more concern to me would be the attitude of your employer when the time comes for your maternity leave.  If she's like this now, I'd say she'll be messing you around later on.  Keep a good eye on her.


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## Bronte (3 Mar 2010)

Irish Spirit said:


> I am pregnant and work part time in retail. Yesterday I was serving customers and my boss came in and told me my bump was looking very big and did I not have a cardigan to cover it.


 
This was a dreadful remark, for whatever reason she made it she shouldn't have.  You shouldn't and don't have to put up with it.  As long as she doesn't do anything else to make you feel uncomfortable I wouldn't go any further with it other than now explaining to her that you didn't like the remark.  

Having been pregnant I always covered up well, I'm not shy or anything but I hated having a bump.  Personal thing.  Don't know why but I put it down to my Irish blood.


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## Brendan Burgess (3 Mar 2010)

You should make a note of the remark and a note of the follow up conversation. Times, dates etc. 

If the comment was out of character , then forget about it. If it turns out to be the first of  a sustained campaign, then you have a note made of it.


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## Brendan Burgess (3 Mar 2010)

PyritePete said:


> would it not be worse if you weren't pregnant ?



Jimmy Carr says he prefers to see a pregnant woman standing up on a bus, than risk seeing a fat woman sitting down crying. 

Brendan


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## ney001 (3 Mar 2010)

Just bide your time - then say to her one day, 'oh my god why didn't you tell me you were pregnant, congratulations, you are just glowing already - i'd say it's going to a big one!'


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## Caveat (3 Mar 2010)

Brendan said:


> Jimmy Carr says he prefers to see a pregnant woman standing up on a bus, than risk seeing a fat woman sitting down crying.
> 
> Brendan


 
 Very good!


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## Bronte (4 Mar 2010)

Some people just don't get it.


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## Caveat (4 Mar 2010)

Bronte said:


> Some people just don't get it.


 
Meaning?


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## Bronte (4 Mar 2010)

Caveat said:


> Meaning?


 
That the OP was upset and now you guys are making more jokes about people being pregnant.  

I don't mind jokes or pregnant jokes but in this case the OP is upset so the jokes shouldn't be on this thread.  Personally I don't even get the Carr joke.


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## ney001 (4 Mar 2010)

In fairness OP was upset about what her boss said.... not about actually being pregnant.   I think the Carr thing is actually fairly apt myself!.


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## becky (4 Mar 2010)

Have to say I don't get it either but I often don't get jokes.


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## Caveat (4 Mar 2010)

Bronte said:


> That the OP was upset and now you guys are making more jokes about people being pregnant.


 
I think you are over reacting. Brendan posted his advice as did many others. The joke was an afterthought and I fail to see how it would upset the OP. In fact if you break it down, the joke is about not being pregnant in a way.

For those who don't get it and are interested: the guy offers a woman a seat because he thinks she is pregnant - turns out she is not, just overweight and upset at being mistaken for being pregnant...


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## Bronte (4 Mar 2010)

Caveat, yea you're probably right maybe I'm overreacting.  Thanks for the explaination of the joke.  Have to say it's not one bit funny but each to their own.


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## Boyd (4 Mar 2010)

Bronte said:


> Caveat, yea you're probably right maybe I'm overreacting.  Thanks for the explaination of the joke.  Have to say it's not one bit funny but each to their own.



Its supposed to be deadpan......


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## becky (4 Mar 2010)

Thanks for the clarification. It's okay I suppose.


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## Vanilla (4 Mar 2010)

Oh, that was a joke? Er, right.


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## stephnyc (4 Mar 2010)

have to say, i found the jimmy carr quote hilarious.. even retold it to some of my friends.. and i'm 7 months pregnant! 

to the OP - i would have found the same remark uncalled-for.. hopefully it was just someone being careless & wont happen again..


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## Caveat (4 Mar 2010)

Totally OT now, but re Jimmy Carr I prefer:

"They say cats have nine lives.....which makes them ideal for experimentation of course"

Or

"Throwing acid is wrong ... in some people's eyes."

And just to say, yes BTW, I think the remark to the OP was totally inappropriate and insensitive. It also sounds like the manager now possibly realises this.


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## Rois (4 Mar 2010)

Could it be some form of jealousy on your managers part?  I actually did work with a woman once who used to get extremely jealous, to the point of nastiness and tears, whenever any of the other women in the office got pregnant.  

She only got over this reaction when she finally got pregnant herself.


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## annR (4 Mar 2010)

Caveat said:


> And just to say, yes BTW, I think the remark to the OP was totally inappropriate and insensitive. It also sounds like the manager now possibly realises this.


 
If the manager did realise this she really should just apologise rather than making lame comments about whether the OP was cold.  Totally pathetic.


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## Purple (4 Mar 2010)

Caveat said:


> Totally OT now, but re Jimmy Carr I prefer:
> 
> "They say cats have nine lives.....which makes them ideal for experimentation of course"
> 
> ...



I like;
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "All right, but we're not going to get much done."

and


Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?

and

I went up to the airport information desk. I said “How many airports are there in the world?”


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## Caveat (4 Mar 2010)

Yep good ones 

He did a slightly surreal one when I saw him too:

" I think it goes without saying ...  ...     "


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## foxylady (4 Mar 2010)

If you want to annoy her get yourself a tshirt that says "does my bump look big in this"


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## Ardiff (4 Mar 2010)

foxylady said:


> If you want to annoy her get yourself a tshirt that says "does my bump look big in this"



And we have a winner!


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## dmos87 (4 Mar 2010)

Now THIS idea I like!!! you work in retail, why not?? Its a fashion statement and a good way of getting your point accross. 

It will certainly make her cringe


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## PyritePete (4 Mar 2010)

ardiff said:


> and we have a winner!


 
+1


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## Ardiff (4 Mar 2010)

Someone's way ahead of us.


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## Purple (4 Mar 2010)

... and she's having cravings.


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## seriams (8 Mar 2010)

DavyJones said:


> Why in God's name do you want to know about employment law for such a trival thing.


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## seriams (8 Mar 2010)

pyritepete said:


> +1


 
+1


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## Noilheart (9 Mar 2010)

Brendan said:


> Jimmy Carr says he prefers to see a pregnant woman standing up on a bus, than risk seeing a fat woman sitting down crying.
> Brendan



I give the thumbs down to that remark and I would guess the poster has never stood for any length of time on a bus while heavily pregnant,  but I wish that he could be subjected to that in order to widen his horizons (I presume the poster is a male due to the name, unless it is a nickname)


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## Purple (10 Mar 2010)

Noilheart said:


> I give the thumbs down to that remark and I would guess the poster has never stood for any length of time on a bus while heavily pregnant,  but I wish that he could be subjected to that in order to widen his horizons (I presume the poster is a male due to the name, unless it is a nickname)



I take it from this post that you don't laugh much....


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## ney001 (10 Mar 2010)

Noilheart said:


> I give the thumbs down to that remark and I would guess the poster has never stood for any length of time on a bus while heavily pregnant,  but I wish that he could be subjected to that in order to widen his horizons (I presume the poster is a male due to the name, unless it is a nickname)



Quite right too! I'd make a complaint to the owner of AAM if I were you!


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## Noilheart (10 Mar 2010)

Well you can still make a complaint to the owner even though you are not me.     Or why don't you give me the owner's name and contact details if you can and i'll consider passing your remark on that person. Oops better make sure its not Brendan hadn't you - although I am sure he would be well able to take it.


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## Noilheart (10 Mar 2010)

Purple said:


> I take it from this post that you don't laugh much....




Take it any way you like - but not standing up!


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## Bazoo (11 Mar 2010)

Bronte said:


> That the OP was upset and now you guys are making more jokes about people being pregnant.
> 
> I don't mind jokes or pregnant jokes but in this case the OP is upset so the jokes shouldn't be on this thread. * Personally I don't even get the Carr joke.*



I agree; it's in extremely bad taste, particularly given the obvious distress of the OP. Can it be removed?

OP, as others have said, I'd try and let it pass for now and not get you down but keep a note of it and everything said from now on.


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## Bazoo (11 Mar 2010)

foxylady said:


> If you want to annoy her get yourself a tshirt that says "does my bump look big in this"



Now that IS funny!


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## DavyJones (11 Mar 2010)

seriams said:


>



why four angry face's?. oh your very angry.

My point is, have mature discussion with person before you start looking at other methods of resolving problem.

Misunderstandings happen between people all the time.


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## michaelm (11 Mar 2010)

Purple said:


> I take it from this post that you don't laugh much....





ney001 said:


> Quite right too! I'd make a complaint to the owner of AAM if I were you!


Super .  Jimmy has some good one-liners: Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.


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## ney001 (11 Mar 2010)

I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. 
I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?


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## Purple (11 Mar 2010)

I liked the one about the child in Africa;
"Little Nyesha has 2 walk 5 miles everyday just to get water... I couldn't help thinking.. She should move!"


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## Vanilla (11 Mar 2010)

Now this thread has descended into a farce where AAMers are quoting some funny Carr jokes in order to justify the deeply unfunny one Brendan quoted. 

Brendan's a big boy, I'd say he can take it on the chin.


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## Purple (12 Mar 2010)

Vanilla said:


> Now this thread has descended into a farce where AAMers are quoting some funny Carr jokes in order to justify the deeply unfunny one Brendan quoted.
> 
> Brendan's a big boy, I'd say he can take it on the chin.



Speaking for myself, I’m just quoting them because I find them funny.


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## Vanilla (12 Mar 2010)

Purple said:


> Speaking for myself, I’m just quoting them because I find them funny.


 
Actually your 'little nyesha' joke wasn't very funny either.


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## Purple (12 Mar 2010)

Vanilla said:


> Actually your 'little nyesha' joke wasn't very funny either.



Don't shoot the messenger.


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## Jim Davis (13 Mar 2010)

Threads like these just highlight reasons for employers not to hire a woman over a man! If I was an employer and read this I'd be terrified ,"employment law" "dress code" etc.


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## Complainer (13 Mar 2010)

Jim Davis said:


> Threads like these just highlight reasons for employers not to hire a woman over a man! If I was an employer and read this I'd be terrified ,"employment law" "dress code" etc.


Then you'd be a very foolish employer.


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## Jim Davis (13 Mar 2010)

Complainer said:


> Then you'd be a very foolish employer.



Foolish to hire someone who I is entitled to go on maternity leave and be guaranteed a job on return while I have to pay to hire a train replacement in the interim?? Or while that woman is pregnant it is virtually impossible for me to dismiss her regardless of the reason for fear of being hit with a law suit which I could never possibly win??


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## Complainer (13 Mar 2010)

Jim Davis said:


> Foolish to hire someone who I is entitled to go on maternity leave and be guaranteed a job on return while I have to pay to hire a train replacement in the interim?? Or while that woman is pregnant it is virtually impossible for me to dismiss her regardless of the reason for fear of being hit with a law suit which I could never possibly win??


What has this thread got to do with maternity leave or dismissing pregnant women? This thread is about dress code and bad management. How did  this thread "just highlight reasons for employers not to hire a woman over a man"?


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## Jim Davis (14 Mar 2010)

Complainer said:


> What has this thread got to do with maternity leave or dismissing pregnant women? This thread is about dress code and bad management. How did  this thread "just highlight reasons for employers not to hire a woman over a man"?



pwned

*Urban  Dictionary: pwned*


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## BONDGIRL (15 Mar 2010)

I am shocked at your boss for making this comment and I would take it high offensive to it.. Totally....  Slap her next time, only joking, but seriously, I would take her aside and ask what her problem is.  
Being pregnant you are going to be extra sensitive etc and in no way shoudl you be treated like that.  When I was pregnant, I loved my bump getting bigger and actually wore pregnancy clothes that fit around your bump and make you look bigger and I was very proud.  If any woman or Man asked me to hide this bump, I would of got very upset.......  I worked as a manager and had women and men on my team in a busy office meetin clients etc and never would I speak to anyone like this.
She - the manager obviously has issues but I would wear your clothes as normal and DONT hide your bump and if she brings this up again, I would have a word with her and then reprt it to senior management....... best of luck


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## BONDGIRL (15 Mar 2010)

Jim Davis:  Its not about that, its about how she was spoke too and its not on.. hide her bump? Hide her pregnancy? Why? Is it a disease or something..
And while you bring up that topic, it frightens me tht I wil never get another job, when men think like you do and most employers are men!  Have I a chance of getting another job since I am of the child bearing age...........


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