# Bullying in school



## super mam (1 Jun 2007)

please help. (hope his is the right area for this post)

My child is constantly being ''Bullied''  in school by a problem child from a problem family, I've complained to the school and Teacher verbally and in writing, but nothing the school does seems to have any impact on this brat.
My child now hates going to school for fear of what this bully will say or do, and he is now getting angry and getting into trouble when he reacts to the bully. 
I've tried to move my child to another school but all surrounding areas are full..
Does any one have any experience of this?
How do I go about getting this bully moved to another class,as he constantly disrupts the whole class, or can I have some sort of  _restraining order_ placed against him?

All in the intrest of my child receiving an education and reaching his full potential in a positive  and peacefull autmosphere.
thanks


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## shootingstar (1 Jun 2007)

hiya....

i can relate to this... my (now) 14 yr old had this in 4th class. I was sick to my back teeth over her. Shes so soft and gentle and had a hard time from 2 girls... to the point where it got physical. I to, wrote letters and it came to the point where i took matters into my own hands - I called to the house spoke with the mother and i got "kids will be kids". 

I moved her out of the school with a very firm letter of dissappointment to the school and the committee and the board of education. I was lucky enough to have another school nearby that wasnt full.

Some wont agree with me but this is my advise - keep looking for a school that will take your child. Keep scheduling meetings with the principals of the potential schools. dont give up. I`d move my child again if i had to. Its very easy us adults saying stick up for yourself and you have to fight your own battles but when it comes to hard-ass bullying no child should have to go through this. Me as a parent its my responsibility to protect my child and thats exactly what i did.

I wish you the very best of luck with it.... chin up

SS x


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## RedStix (1 Jun 2007)

Hi Supermam

Thats awful. I can't imagine the stress this would be putting on both you and your child. I'm not sure if it is possible to get a restraining order against another child but there are some good guidelines here if the school are not dealing effectively with your complaint.

I hope this gets resolved soon.
GED


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## susie1 (1 Jun 2007)

if you've tried the school and they won't help, have you tried contacting the bully's parents - if not give it a try and if you still get nowhere, i would schedule an older bully to have a chat with these kids - jmo


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## super mam (1 Jun 2007)

Thanks all and Ged thanks for the links
No chance of moving him to another school as all we tried have a 2-3 year waiting list.
No chance of going to the parents of the bully as they are have drug related problems (which is prob how thier own son is as bad as he is)
We try and teach our children right from wrong and about Actions/ reactions and consequences..... but not everyone live by these rules..
I really feel that the Bully needs to be moved to another class..... can I insist on that when I go to see the principal?  Although I wonder if any of the other Teachers would want this bully in thier class...
What's the best way to resolve this and to allow my son to enjoy school again?
thanks all


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## z108 (1 Jun 2007)

Kids have the right to go to school and be a part of society without being bullied or threatened or interfered with. 
Just because your son is a minor your schools management seem to be in denial. Just imagine if one teacher bullied another teacher in the school, assaulted him, took his lunch money etc. Your sons school is his place of work the same way the school is the teachers place of work.

If another child is threatening the wellbeing of any other child then that child should be removed from the school. 
If the school wont help  then the bully needs to be expelled. Not moved to another class. 

If this is a serious and an ongoing thing, I'd see a solicitor and establlish your sons right legally to attend school without being in fear of his life.
The alternative is for your sons education, exam results and future to be seriously disrupted by someone who probably is much less intelligent.


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## bond-007 (1 Jun 2007)

Surely the school is failing in its duty of care towards the child in these circumstances. They could be leaving themselves open to legal action if they are doing nothing to address your complaints.


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## Erasure (1 Jun 2007)

I was bullied as a child and believe me it does come back to haunt you when you get older.  My self confidence took a serious blow.  It is very important to take this bullying very seriously and move your child away from it before it has any long term effects.


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## redbhoy (1 Jun 2007)

I think the school should be reported for their lack of action.


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## ice (1 Jun 2007)

Sounds like the school is not handling this properly at all.

Can you speak to the board of managment. 
I thought schools were obliged to have an anti bullying policy ?
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/c...ine-in-schools/bullying-in-schools-in-ireland

I'll probably get slatted for this but can you coach your son in dealing with this guy. Sometimes the only way to deal with a bully is to tackle them head on.....although each case is different and it might be gone too far for that
Perhaps a few choice words from some older cousins to the bully might do the trick ???


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## bankrupt (1 Jun 2007)

This organisation might also be of help: [broken link removed]


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## tigra (1 Jun 2007)

Super mam 

Sorry to hear about your problem. Unfortunately this happen all the time. This sounds very like what one of my friends went through while in Secondary School. Schools did nothing much about it, Parents of the bullies just laughed it off so her parents took it one step further. They reported it to the Gardai. Called to the school and to their parents. The bullies got such a shock at the thought of having a record it all stopped. It may be something to consider.


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## super mam (1 Jun 2007)

Thanks all.
I've done a bit of research and I am going to address things asap.Iwill talk to the dept of education too..
My son and I were just talking about it all and I'm so hurt for him... physically so far he has been, slapped, pushed, hit, had things thrown at him in class, i.e, rulers, pens, pencils etc(thrown at his head) The bully was made apologise but things continued again. now my son is being threatned...The bully said he'd ram stuff down his throat, break his face, break his jaw, kill him, get his mates to kill him, and also there is a lot of name calling...
God writing it all down is terrible, in fact I think i'll even ring the gardai an have a talk with them too..
thanks all  for your comments
forgot to say by the way, my son is 11 yrs and the bully is 12, (attitude of a 16 year old)


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## june (1 Jun 2007)

have you had a sit down formal meeting with the principal?


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## onway (1 Jun 2007)

I would assume that the school cannot exclude this pupil - as I am sure they would be only too anxious to see the back of him.Often it seems as if the rights of disruptive pupils take precedence over those of better behaved pupils - disruptive pupils cannnot be excluded because they are entitled to an education,even though they obviously have no interest in learning and are preventing others from doing so.I think it is only when parents of well-behaved children, who want to learn stand up to this system that things might change.


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## Sue Ellen (1 Jun 2007)

Hi,

On a quick read thru the previous posts I think you mention about getting the other child moved to another class. Is there an opportunity to have your child moved and, therefore, at least give him a bit of peace during class.


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## super mam (1 Jun 2007)

thanks all
I spoke to the teacher and sent a letter of complaint, The principal said the situtation was being monotered but that they were having terrible problems with that child and not much joy from his parents where there seems to be a drugs issue...I dont want to move my son to another class as I feel the bully should be moved and not the victim, up till all this started my son was a confident young man, he is liked and respected by the other kids, he is a very high achiever and excells in all he does ( prob the reason the bully targetted him in the first place) I will take advise and keep you all posted on what happens and hopefully this awful situtation will stop and my son can stop fearing going to school and wondering what HE'S going to do or say.
thanks for your advise and comments


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## blueshoes (1 Jun 2007)

Hi supermam, 

Sorry to hear about your trouble. I was also bullied when I was in secondary school 11/12years old. Just like sammie110 it does come back on you. 
If the school wont do anything, I would go to the gardai. This should not be accepted in this day and age.

Your young boy is probably afraid, Im thinking back to my school days now and I should of stood up to them but I didnt. The bullying only stopped after 3rd year when moved to different classes. I hope things get better soon for you.


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## dble8 (1 Jun 2007)

you should take it upon yourself to provide family pride and confidence to your son by doing what a mum should think that she has a right to do. look after her kids. If something like that happened to my son then I would be straight in that classroom disrupting the flow, and giving a lecture indirectly about some of the consequences of bullying.
It would help if your 6 foot, 250 pd and have dreadlocks too!


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## Haille (1 Jun 2007)

What was the nature of the bullying? Is it verbal or physical? Does it take place in class or in the yard or both ? I would speak again to the class teacher and ask what could you as parent do to assist class teacher in solving this problem.Also speak to the principal.Work with the teachers .If the problem is continuing it may appear the teachers are not solving it but you all need to work together rather than confrontation. The school's stay safe programme deals with bullying. Familiarise yourself with this programme.Ask school for this.It deals with bullying,through role play and guidelines for pupils to follow.Bullying we all now can take place in hallways,corrodors and in the yard.It can be very difficult for teachers to monitor.  Obviously your child does not want to appear to be constantly telling tales.
    If the parents of the bully will not listen to you,will they listen to the teachers.Remember the bully has rights in the Ed. system.The bully cannot be suspended unless guidelines are followed,it is a major breach of discipline and even then it can only be for 3 days.  As an ex principal who left the job early at 49 years of age,I was physically assualted by a pupil in the yard ,I tried to restrain him from physically assualting a younger pupil.  I suspended the pupil for 3 days,as a result of my action [with the chairpersons approval] I was verbally threatened by the father of the child and verbally abused by the mother.I was threatened with legal action in suspending the pupil.


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## Marion (1 Jun 2007)

Hi Super mam

If the bullying is taking place in the classroom is it possible to speak with the teacher (and principal) and have the seating arrangements for the entire class moved so that your child is not close to the bully in the classroom? 

This strategy would ensure that nobody (children in the class) would know the reason for the move (other than the principal, teacher and parent(s) who requested the move).

Marion


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## super mam (2 Jun 2007)

thanks
Haille thats terrible that you were threatened by those parents...these are the times we live in...
I am familiar with the stay safe programme an have discussed the issues with my son but the '' say no, run away and tell someone has failed here as the bully runs after him and issues more threats...
the incidents have taken pkace in the classroom, corridor but mostly in the yard, here I think the pupil/teacher ratio is a problem, according to my son when an incident happened and he told a teacher, she said she'd keep an eye on him but proceded to turn her back, walk away and deal with other things....
I am useing all my strenght to stop myself from dealing with the bully myself but i know this would lead to more problrms for my son... I will deal with it through the proper channels after the weekend, which will be a very long weekend for me but a great break for my son..
thanks all


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## noilh (2 Jun 2007)

So sorry to hear about all that going on.  I would suggest something like Judo classes for your son - not so that he can fight his attackers, but so that it would help his "body language" to be more assertive and send out signals
 that he can defend himself.
See also:
*The Anti-Bullying Centre, 
              Department of Teacher Education
              Room 3125 
              Arts Building
              Trinity College Dublin 2 * *Tel: (01) 896 2573 /                      896 3488*​ *E-mail:* lmcguire@tcd.ie                      ​


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## pansyflower (2 Jun 2007)

A suggestion is to put your concerns in a letter to the Board of Management.

A child may be expelled for a single gross act of misconduct or a series of more minor ones.


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## Erasure (2 Jun 2007)

Let us know how you get on - most important thing is to protect your child from any emotional damage that may have a bad effect on their future.  Good luck


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## Trafford (5 Jun 2007)

noilheart said:


> So sorry to hear about all that going on. I would suggest something like Judo classes for your son - not so that he can fight his attackers, but so that it would help his "body language" to be more assertive and send out signals
> that he can defend himself.
> See also:
> *The Anti-Bullying Centre, *
> ...


 
This is a very interesting point. I have been a victim of bullying in primary school, secondary school and in the workplace. It is obviously something about me that attracts the bully and by now I really have little confidence in dealing with them. I have often wondered what I am putting out there that suggests I am fair game. Your son does not want to be a victim like this all his life so it might be worth looking at something like Judo alright.


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## so-crates (6 Jun 2007)

Unfortunately this is not a completely unprecedented situation, repeated bullying and interruption by one child can have a very detrimental effect on schooling (have some family experience of a similar problem) but in dealing with bullies schools have very limited options realistically. Children cannot be denied an education irrespective of how demonstrably uninterested they are in the privilege and a school's ability to restrain or punish children is relatively limited - expulsions are difficult at best and quite strongly challenged, particularly if there are no alternative education facilities nearby with places available. Moving the bully might not be a particularly good step at all especially if the bully acts in the playground and corridors - they still have the opportunity and may have even more motive if they feel they have been victimised by the move. Your son is a convenient target for some reason (probably those you outlined) and anything he can do to make himself less of a target will help him regain his confidence in himself, although that doesn't wholly address the issue it may ameliorate some of the effects. As an aside the most effective method I have ever seen used on a bully was entirely outside of the intervention of adults, as a child there was a problematic child in school with a history of family problems who regularly bullied and terrorised other children in the playground, a group of about twenty pupils from her class and from the older class all linked arms, surrounded the bully and harangued her forcing her from her victim and then continued taunting her in that way for a few minutes. She was very upset by it, but it did two things, it took away some of her power to terrorise as she was very publicly humiliated and it strengthened her victims as they were suddenly not alone in dealing with her. Not to advocate it as an approach but once her victims were empowered the incidents of bullying abated - their attitude towards her changed immediately and she was declawed. Bullies can be beaten - it is the hopeless sense that they can't that makes their victims feel powerless.


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## super mam (7 Jun 2007)

Well all, thank you all for your very helpful advice and comments. I contacted the Dept of Education and found them very helpfull, they took great intrest and gave me all the info that I needed, from the guidelines on countering bullying behaviour in primary schools, to the correct complaints procedure.
I wrote a very strong letter to the Principal, outlining all my concerns and listed all the various times and types of bullying ( verbal, physical and emotional) that took place. I outlined the terrible effects that all this was having on my son, his fears and anxieity,and my fears for any lasting damage in the future.. but most importantly I stated that I was concerned for his safety and would hold the school and her (the principal) responsable if any harm came to my son...I demanded that the bully be removed from the class, that my complaints be recorded, the situtation in other areas of the school ( yard/corridors) be monitored...Also that I was on to the Dept of education and my next stop was the gardai...and that I'd take my son out of school and home school him if necessary..I told her to read the letter and I would call back in an hour to see her and my son's Teacher...and this I did.... Well what a difference, they listened all right,.... RESULT....The bullies mother was called and notified that her *Brat *was being moved to another class and that they( the school) would be looking at disiplinary action against the boy....Aparently,there was so many complaints from other parents too...but it seems only verbal and that our complaint was the only one in writing. The proper procedure is ; verbally to the teacher, if no result then writing to the teacher, if no result then writing to the Principal, then to the Board of Management and if this fails then the Dept of education steps in...... Sure your child could be murdered by the time that all happens!!!   I'm not sorry, but the Bully is someone else's problem now,the mother has to come and take him out of school at lunchtime, he's away from my son and today for the first time in a long time my son went to school without all the worry....
Thank You All again for your support it was greatly apreciated....and I can Retain my Title...SUPER MAM


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## z108 (7 Jun 2007)

Fantastic news* Supermam *


I echo a previous posters idea about encouraging your son to take up a sport/martial art for example Judo/Karate/TaeKwonDo as such activities support an improved self confidence and self image not only in school but generally and also teach him how to handle aggression safely.  An ounce of prevention is better than more cure.

Glad to hear you have done so well


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## Megan (7 Jun 2007)

Well done Super Mam. I think you can add another Super to that.
Very goods tips there for other parents.


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## shootingstar (7 Jun 2007)

super mam said:


> Well all, thank you all for your very helpful advice and comments. I contacted the Dept of Education and found them very helpfull, they took great intrest and gave me all the info that I needed, from the guidelines on countering bullying behaviour in primary schools, to the correct complaints procedure.
> I wrote a very strong letter to the Principal, outlining all my concerns and listed all the various times and types of bullying ( verbal, physical and emotional) that took place. I outlined the terrible effects that all this was having on my son, his fears and anxieity,and my fears for any lasting damage in the future.. but most importantly I stated that I was concerned for his safety and would hold the school and her (the principal) responsable if any harm came to my son...I demanded that the bully be removed from the class, that my complaints be recorded, the situtation in other areas of the school ( yard/corridors) be monitored...Also that I was on to the Dept of education and my next stop was the gardai...and that I'd take my son out of school and home school him if necessary..I told her to read the letter and I would call back in an hour to see her and my son's Teacher...and this I did.... Well what a difference, they listened all right,.... RESULT....The bullies mother was called and notified that her *Brat *was being moved to another class and that they( the school) would be looking at disiplinary action against the boy....Aparently,there was so many complaints from other parents too...but it seems only verbal and that our complaint was the only one in writing. The proper procedure is ; verbally to the teacher, if no result then writing to the teacher, if no result then writing to the Principal, then to the Board of Management and if this fails then the Dept of education steps in...... Sure your child could be murdered by the time that all happens!!!   I'm not sorry, but the Bully is someone else's problem now,the mother has to come and take him out of school at lunchtime, he's away from my son and today for the first time in a long time my son went to school without all the worry....
> Thank You All again for your support it was greatly apreciated....and I can Retain my Title...SUPER MAM



im so please for you. ive been watching this thread and felt terrible for you. 

Well done. take yourself off out this weekend and have a well deserved drink. 

SS


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## homebird (7 Jun 2007)

The Bully's mother will be putting the skids under him if she's stuck with him at home!


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## Erasure (1 Jul 2007)

Thats great news, delighted to hear it. well done Supermam !!!!


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## Sn@kebite (1 Jul 2007)

OK I'll admit that i don't know alot about bullying. Hovever, would moving the bully to a different class only mean that your child is not being bullied, but someone elses child will begin to be? I'd hate to think of the child's future if his/her parent's aren't as strong as _Super Mam_
Maybe the school's insurance for this _bully_ could pay for some counseling for him? Because if you move the bully, the root of the problem will still remain i.e. the unhappiness in the bully's home etc..right? I know he's wrong to bully but he's still only a child, and it's really his parents' fault for not making sure he's happy at home or wherever, just like you're making sure your child is.


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## miselemeas (11 Jul 2007)

june said:


> have you had a sit down formal meeting with the principal?


 
Write a letter to the Secretary, Board of Management, setting out the situation clearly, and ask them what procedure they will take on the matter, as outlined on their Bullying Policy (which all schools must now have).  Ask that your concern be listed on the Agenda for the next Board Meeting. All schools must have written procedures for their policies. Send by registered post and mark for immediate attention.  Your letter must be acknowledged and acted upon at the next Board Meeting.


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## snowden (13 Jul 2007)

The first positive thing that comes out of this is that your child has actually told you that they are being bullied. That's probably the hardest part over and done with.

All you have to do now, is walk into the school and have a chat with the bully yourself...


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## BillK (13 Jul 2007)

I told my son, many years ago, that if anyone tried to bully him he was to let them make the first blow and then to punch the assailant as hard as he could on the nose. This will then provide a target who's eyes are watering and will be easy meat.

My boy had no problems at school, but needed to follow my advice at his first Army Cadet camp - he only had to do it once.


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## S.L.F (17 May 2008)

I don't see that it is ever an issue of the targets of bullying having too little self confidence, it is more an issue of a bully targeting someone because they are self confident, intelligent, good sense of humour and a big circle of friends in fact everything a bully is not.
The whole purpose of bullying is to dis-empower their targets.

Supermum I don't know if you are still watching these posts but the reason your son was targeted by this bully was because your boy is everything the bully wants to be and never will. You should be very proud!
I had to my wife look through some sites recently best 1 was thru the looking glass (I would put the link in but I can't work out how to)


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## Soldier (17 May 2008)

can you get the guards involved. the school have a duty to do something about it. there has been to many incidents about children committing suicide over bulllying. When will they learn? can they not suspend the child.


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## NicolaM (17 May 2008)

This thread was started in the middle of last year....


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## S.L.F (17 May 2008)

Some of the posters have been saying martial arts might be an answer or self defense to boost self confidence.
One of the mis-conceptions people have about bullys is they think of the thug in the corner of the schoolyard.
This is not a wise, a school yard bully can also be female and they can be far worst.
Being beaten up is straightforward to deal deal with, there are bruises thus evidence so you can call the gards but when someone starts to play mind games with you, or indeed gets others involved it is a very different type of attack. If a female bully targets a male what is he supposed to do, beat her up. If he does that then the gards would be called for him.
A thug would break a few bones but a female bully could break your mind.


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## Purple (17 May 2008)

S.L.F said:


> Some of the posters have been saying martial arts might be an answer or self defense to boost self confidence.
> One of the mis-conceptions people have about bullys is they think of the thug in the corner of the schoolyard.
> This is not a wise, a school yard bully can also be female and they can be far worst.
> Being beaten up is straightforward to deal deal with, there are bruises thus evidence so you can call the gards but when someone starts to play mind games with you, or indeed gets others involved it is a very different type of attack. If a female bully targets a male what is he supposed to do, beat her up. If he does that then the gards would be called for him.
> A thug would break a few bones but a female bully could break your mind.



Good points but don't assume that a male will not use psychological bullying as well.
I read this thread when it started but didn't post. I was bullied through primary school (starting in third class when a teacher beat the living daylights out of me and left me crying on the floor) and didn't finish 'till late secondary school when I took up karate, bulked up a bit and sorted things out myself. The guy who bullied me lived close by so it continued in and out of school so I got isolated, physically bullied and had things including human faeces put into my school bag and then I had the same sort of thing when I got home (and went outside).  
It all came to a head when I was 15. He started hitting me one day and I hit back. He spend two weeks in hospital and needed loads of new teeth, his jaw wired up and the cheek reconstructed. It would have been better if I had stood up to him years earlier and such a confrontation avoided but 20 years later I can honestly say that I don't regret a moment of it.


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## S.L.F (17 May 2008)

It's great when a bully gets his or her just deserts.
Unfortunately the targets of bullies let these things go on for years before they unleash holy hell on their oppressors then every one says they over react.
In your case the bully, who got his just deserts, could have gone to the gards and said you over reacted then *you *would have been sent to a young offenders home.


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## Purple (17 May 2008)

S.L.F said:


> It's great when a bully gets his or her just deserts.
> Unfortunately the targets of bullies let these things go on for years before they unleash holy hell on their oppressors then every one says they over react.
> In your case the bully, who got his just deserts, could have gone to the gards and said you over reacted then *you *would have been sent to a young offenders home.



Truw, and I worried about it for weeks after but he never said a word about who did it.


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## S.L.F (17 May 2008)

Purple said:


> Truw, and I worried about it for weeks after but he never said a word about who did it.



Having your jaw wired shut can do that!!!


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## super mam (17 May 2008)

Hi All
I thought this thread was dead and noticed today that it was revived... thought I'd give you all an up-date...
Things went well for a couple of weeks for my son but just before the summer holidays he was attacked by the boy and was bruised and beaten,not too bad but enough is enough.. we went crazy and were so annoyed we took him out of the school..we reported it to the guards and they were willing to go to the boy and put him on a caution, but they also knew the family and agreed with us that there could be problems, so we settled for them to put a notice on their computer system..and if any more was to happen that they could take action then..( This family are crazy and live in our area so anything could happen)
Anyway then we were faced with the problem of no school places available in other local schools for our son..but we had till September to sort it.. We decided to call the education welfare dept to speak to an officer, if only  to inform them that we would home school our son if we could not get a place for him in another school... I rang several times and there was never anyone to take our call, By the third or fourth call I got so annoyed that I told the secretary the full story, hoping to hear soon from them...to this day a welfare officer has not returned my call...
As it happened by a twist of fate, and at the end of August, a week before school started back we had a call from another local school that had just got notice that they were to receive another teacher so they were making up a new class...result..we got a place for our son, Thank god..
Its now almost the end of his final school term in the new school and He's a changed boy,back to his old self, full of confidence, Happy, doing really well and is really popular in his year and has many new friends...The school  has zero tolerance for any bullying or agressive behaviour..
I accept there are general guidelines for anti-bullying in schools, but these are guidelines and it's up to the school in the way they implement these guidelines...some do it better than others, and I believe there is more support from the department for pupils that cause problems because they are a challenge and  are future statistics when it comes to results and figures....I bet the Bully and his family would have heard from an education welfare officer well before we would...(were still waiting for a call) 
*S.L.F.   * 
Thank you for the link to '' Through the looking glass'' it is an excellent site..
*Purple
*It's a shame that you had many years of torture from your Bully. I'm so sorry for you,, I feel like breaking the jaws of the Brat that beat my son .. but I think if I started I would not stop. But I do try to resolve  issues in a calmer fashion. and try to keep the kids in the frame of mind that violence is not the answer either..
Anyway sorry all for going on and making this post so long, could not but give you all the up-date and to thank you all for your input and advice and all the p.m's of support that I received..
Many Thanks 
Best Wishes to all
Super Mam and Happy Son..xx


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## ang1170 (18 May 2008)

super mam said:


> Its now almost the end of his final school term in the new school and He's a changed boy,back to his old self, full of confidence, Happy, doing really well and is really popular in his year and has many new friends...The school has zero tolerance for any bullying or agressive behaviour..


 
That's brilliant! Thanks for the update: always good to hear how things trun out.

However, somewhat depressing too, in the amount of effort you had to go through, and the lack of support available to you.


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## S.L.F (18 May 2008)

Hi Super Mam,
Bully free year is another site you could look at.
I haven't worked out how to put links into posts yet.

One of the things Bullies rely on is that their targets almost never hit  back...............and when they do its always overkill.

I believe Purple has given you the best solution.

Enroll your son into a boxing club.


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## sallyanddave (20 May 2008)

I am a teacher and in my experience the best way to deal with this is by writing directly to the board of management outline the incidents that have taken place, dates, times etc srtess how it is effecting your sons life and explain if no action is taken you will have to take legal advice. Every time an incident occurs write to the principal and the board of goveners. In my experience this is the only way you will get results


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## TurningGreen (20 May 2008)

Watched a program on primetime last night about this subject. As a parent myself I was annoyed to see that as usual there was no help for the victims of bullying. Kids afraid to go to school, kids having to move school yet the bully remained in the school and probably just moved onto the next victim. What is happening to our society where the criminals and the bullies have all the rights and the victims are left to suffer alone. Why should parents whose kids are bullied have to move their kids from school. Remove the bully and let theirs parents take on the task of finding new schools. God it maddens me when all the resources are put into protecting the rights of the wrongdoer and the victim does not even get a second thought.


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## annR (21 May 2008)

There was a lady on the radio yesterday who said that the bullying her son was enduring stopped when she had a solicitors letter sent to the parents.  Don't know if it would have worked in supermam's case but it's another option that would probably work with some bullies (and their parents).  It's a disgrace that it's allowed to continue in schools.  Legal action is the only thing.


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## davfran (21 May 2008)

TurningGreen said:


> Watched a program on primetime last night about this subject. As a parent myself I was annoyed to see that as usual there was no help for the victims of bullying. Kids afraid to go to school, kids having to move school yet the bully remained in the school and probably just moved onto the next victim. What is happening to our society where the criminals and the bullies have all the rights and the victims are left to suffer alone. Why should parents whose kids are bullied have to move their kids from school. Remove the bully and let theirs parents take on the task of finding new schools. God it maddens me when all the resources are put into protecting the rights of the wrongdoer and the victim does not even get a second thought.


+1
I agree with you 100%. I saw the program and was absolutely horrified with the level of violence. Apparently it goes on in alot of the schools in this country. Its one thing to have an anti-bullying policy in schools, which is not being inforced by the schools, due to fear of family of bullies imo by school principals,boards and management. The board of education should pass a law stating that those bullies should be immediately expelled, and leave it in the hands of the bully parents to disipline their bully and 'try' to find a school that will take in bullies, as if. 
I'm glad Supermom and son resolved the matter at a very painful cost to them both. Best of luck to ye both.


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## Complainer (21 May 2008)

I would imagine that a big part of the underlying cause of the problems in enforcing anti-bullying policies is that it is often very difficult to get to the truth of who is at fault. Situations are rarely as black and white as some posters would imply. How do expect a school principal to make a judgement about expelling a child based on hearsay evidence?


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## Purple (21 May 2008)

Complainer said:


> I would imagine that a big part of the underlying cause of the problems in enforcing anti-bullying policies is that it is often very difficult to get to the truth of who is at fault. Situations are rarely as black and white as some posters would imply. How do expect a school principal to make a judgement about expelling a child based on hearsay evidence?


 Very true.


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## Protocol (22 May 2008)

CCTV cameras in every classroom, hall and schoolyard??


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## Ceist Beag (22 May 2008)

Protocol said:


> CCTV cameras in every classroom, hall and schoolyard??



Sounds wonderful Protocol but remember that a lot of schools these days can barely afford toilet roll and soap never mind these "luxury items".


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## Complainer (22 May 2008)

Protocol said:


> CCTV cameras in every classroom, hall and schoolyard??


I'm not sure this would be effective. The bullying would just move to the bus stop or the sweet shop or the football pitch.

Mind you, I did hear of a case in a Dublin CBS where the principal went back and reviewed CCTV tapes from the yard to verify a claim of bullying recently.


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## liaconn (22 May 2008)

Protocol said:


> CCTV cameras in every classroom, hall and schoolyard??


 
This wouldn't deal with the problem of cyber bullying, which seems to be the main form of bullying nowadays. Because the perpetrators can hide annonymously behind texts and websites they can make the most damaging and hurtful remarks and it can be very difficult to prove it was them. 

I heard of one case in a Dublin school where the girls doing the bullying were stupid enough to let their names show up on the texts. When the girls and their parents were called in to the school, one prat of a father, (who was a lawyer) instead of being horrified at what his daughter had done, started into 'you have no evidence'  'how can you prove my daughter's phone wasn't stolen to send those messages' etc. When the principal pointed out that his daughter's phone would have to have been stolen 20 times he continued his 'legal defence' of his obnoxious daughter. Needless to say, the bullying continued. This is a huge part of the problem, stupid parents going straight into defensive mode instead of dealing with the issue.


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## S.L.F (22 May 2008)

Protocol said:


> CCTV cameras in every classroom, hall and schoolyard??



The other problem is that CCTV cameras only catch violence it does not get verbal or organised isolation of the targets of bullies


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## proudford (11 Oct 2008)

A really worthwhile discussion here, what I would take from it is the best way to deal with your child being bullied is to create a detailed log of specific instances and send this to the board of management and principal as it happens. If you do this from the outset then I think you have a good base to work from as most schools have a written policy on bullying and your solicitor can work from this also if and when, you feel the situation has become out of control. I really feel for those kids who struggle everyday to live a happy and what would be normal life besides bullying, Bless them.


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## S.L.F (4 Feb 2009)

Super Mam

How are things going?


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