# Moved house, hate our new place - help!



## boogaloo (6 Sep 2010)

hi all, 

My husband and I have just recently moved house (still renting).  Its in the same county, but we've moved from a quiet village back in to the city.
Problem is.......I really don't like our new place   Its not that there is anything exactly wrong with the house, I suppose its just that having been in our previous house for more than 6 years then the whole change/new noises/new route to work/more traffic etc. etc. is just really hard.
I'm sure I sound like a right eejit to be whinging about it, but I can't talk to my partner about it as he is all excited about the move & really likes the location of new house.

Before we moved, I thought it would be fine - we were moving from a semi detached to a detached which is great as no more noisy neighbours.  Thing is, this house is a lot older, needs a lot of decoration & just really doesn't feel like 'home' - which the previous house did from day 1 pretty much.

I have no choice but to stick it out for at least 6 months, but I feel that every night I stay there I am getting more & more depressed by it all.  I went to old house to pick up remaining items last night & would have given anything to stay back there for the night........unless I can change my attitude then its going to cause major friction between hubby & I, and yet I can't just get the feeling of dread out of my stomach.

has anyone else ever felt like this?  What did you do?  How can I force myself to cope with the change?
Any advice appreciated, I feel like I'm going crazy each night lying there with my stomach churning.

Thanks in advance


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## aristotle (6 Sep 2010)

You are just dealing with the "change" as you say. Change to your house, getting to work, and living in a city. Its probably a natural thing, I know it was some change for me moving from a quiet place into Dublin 2.

Just accept that it will take a while to adjust but try to enjoy the change. If you are in a city now you probably have much more to do or things to see.

You should talk to your partner, it will help.


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## woodbine (6 Sep 2010)

Hi boogaloo, I agree with aristotle. it's natural to have to adjust to the change. 

While we were building our house we rented a very small, old house and i hated it.We were there for 15 months and it was hard, but i knew it was always going to be temporary.

You should talk to your husband about how you're feeling. He is in a better position to help you to appreciate the positives of your new house & location.

I know you said the house needs a lot of work, could you ask the landlord if he's be happy to allow you to even do some painting?I don't know how landlords feel about this, but maybe if it would help you, you could pick out some colours you like and see if he would be happy to allow the job to be done? He might prefer to get his own painter to do the job, or maybe ask for you to pay for the paint or something but if it gave you a sense of ownership it might help you settle quicker. 

Have you finished placing all your own furniture and things in the house? If not this will go a long way towards making you feel more at ease.

I understand totally how you feel, i am a creature of habit and even a slight disruption to my routine is so hard for me.

What were the factors that made you decide it would be a positive move? 

Write them down if you have to. Is your commute shorter? Are you closer to leisure facilities you use? Will you save money going to do your shopping or commuting? Sit down and take as long as you have to to identify all these things. If you're saving money in any way, try to put it away (for whatever, savings or towards a weekend away maybe?)

Have your friends or family over for visits, sometimes it takes someone else to point out the good things you can't see.

If you're planning on buying your own place at some time in the future you could start to look around and maybe pick up some things that will be used in the new house. we had quite a bit of furniture already bought before we moved into our own house. Bookshelves/beds/desks etc. we picked them up cheap as we were in no hurry. We didn't need them when we bought them but knew they would eventually live in our own home and that made renting a bit easier. 

If you're having difficulty sleeping because of light/noise, get a pair of earplugs and an eyemask. It seems silly but it gives you a great nights sleep.

If you're into gardening/plants maybe you could start a moveable garden.Pots and tubs of plants will be happy enough for years before they're planted. Last year I eventually planted some azaleas and rhododendrons that had lived in pots for six or seven years.

Best of luck with it all, but do talk to your husband.He probably already noticed you're not yourself and you need to be honest with him.


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## boogaloo (6 Sep 2010)

Thanks for the replies.  I'm the very same as you Woodbine, hate change & really dont cope very well with it at all.  To be honest, this move couldn't have come at a worse time as I'm dealing with a huge amount emotionally due to 2 very ill family members in 2 different parts of the country, which I'm trying to get to visit when I can.  Anyway, that is besides the point but I think maybe I feel as if its all happened in such a rush, and that its one more thing where the 'rug has been pulled from under me' as such.
Hubby is aware that I'm not happy but I can't bring myself to burst his happy bubble, as he had grown to really dislike where we were living due to noisy neighbours, kids coming in the front garden etc and he is over the moon to be moving to what he considers a nicer area.  I just keep telling him that I will get used to it (whereas in my head there's a second voice saying 'because I've got no other choice now anyway').
We would be aiming to buy/build our own house within the next 3 years or so.  I think we are just quite opposite when it comes to change of any type; he sees everything as a big adventure & gets excited about it, whereas I see it as hassle & dread the thoughts of it.  If it was just me, to be honest I dont think I'd have ever moved out of where we were , but as I was away so much with the patients over the last while then I felt it wasn't fair to leave hubby on his own most weekends in a house/area he didn't like.
The landlord has advised that we can paint & do 'minor' changes so at least that is good.  I guess because its an older house than what I am used to, I'm terrified of bugs/rodents too although so far so good I haven't seen any.  We intend to try & put our own stamp on it a bit alright, but it will take time and hubby is probably right when he says we shouldn't rush in to the painting/decorating/buying furniture in case it turns out that the house is cold or something & we dont end up staying more than a few months in it.
The furniture is old, there's lino on the kitchen & its all just a bit 'grotty' looking.......and I think that if it was all shiny & new like our last place was when we moved in then I'd be a lot happier.  Guess you learn what you like and don't like!  

I will take your advice on board & make a list as to the positive things - there are some I'm sure!  Other than that I suppose main thing is to try not to focus on the negatives, and to try & make the place as cosy as I can as quickly as I can without having to spend a fortune.

So if anyone has any ideas, similar to putting up photos etc. please let me know.  
Something has to give as I can't spend every night awake and worrying about every noise and creak that I hear


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## Ash 22 (6 Sep 2010)

I hope boogaloo you will get to like where you are and its not as though you're going to be there forever, so just try and think of it that way also. As you said the timing was not good as the stress of your family members being sick is a lot to cope with on its own and I hope they will be ok. Everything takes its toll and we all react different
to various upheavels. Even having to move furniture in order to paint a room is a big deal for me. Once ever we moved house and hopefully never again! 
As for the rodents, you'll get them in new houses also. We all get our quota of them over the winter. Be positive and you won't be in it forever. 
There are nice ideas to brighten up dark corners, what about a nice tall lamp that you'll have for your new home. I have a lovely artificial flower feature that you plug in and it has tiny little lights and I love it in my hallway. Maybe a nice large fish tank with some goldfish. Hope you settle in ok as I'm sure you will. Adjusting to change just takes a little time.


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