# what do you consider cheating in a relationship?



## bopster (23 Mar 2009)

just wondering what everybodies ideas of cheating on a partner are? would you consider meeting someone from the opposite sex for a drink, you like their company but not really interested romatically but the person in question would love to be with you. and this person is a randomer met in a pub the week before...partner has no idea about meeting??


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## DavyJones (23 Mar 2009)

Probably in wrong section..but I couldn't resist.

Don't put yourself in temptations way. you are going on a "date", thats bad news and you know it.

How would you feel if it were your partner doing it?


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## bopster (23 Mar 2009)

its not me who wants to do it! its just happened to a friend of mine, she found out her partner was meeting this girl....he insists its not cheating, she insists it is....he says she should be proud becuase he could of done more if he'd wanted to!


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## ney001 (23 Mar 2009)

If you are meeting a 'randomer' in a pub and a week later going out for a drink with them then clearly this is a date, at the very least the randomer considers it a date as he/she is clearly interested in a relationship.  By going out with them alone you would be giving them the impression that this is going to go somewhere i.e leading them on. There are two reason as to why you would do this either [1]  big boost for the ego having somebody chasing you  [2]  you also fancy that person (no matter what you tell yourself).  The ' I'm not interested in them, like them as a friend thing' is the oldest chestnut in the world! . 

It's not quite cheating but it's about three drinks away from it! 

Rule of thumb..... If you feel guilty then you usually are!


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## Petal (23 Mar 2009)

Totally agree with ney001 - if you play with fire, chances are you get burnt...


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## Tomodinhio (23 Mar 2009)

"he says she should be proud becuase he could of done more if he'd wanted to! "

What did she say to that? id know what would happen to me if told my gf that.
what sort of a man goes for a drink with some girl hes just meet a week ago with the intention of becoming friends but nothing more.

hes either gay and dosnt realise it or is playing your poor friend for fool.


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## demoivre (23 Mar 2009)

Tomodinhio said:


> hes either gay



How did you know the " girl " he's meeting is a transvestite ?


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## hopalong (23 Mar 2009)

whats wrong with being a transvestite


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## bopster (23 Mar 2009)

i should mention how she found out about all this -checked his phone sunday morning, opened a msg recived that morning from the randomer girl saying that its a shame you have a grilfriend becuase i really like you, maybe we could just be friends and meet for lunch sometimes...boyfreind insists he's at a low period of his life and needed someone to talk to, this girl he siad was very interesting and he enjoyed her company but in the same way he'd enjoy chatting to his sister....on the night in question he diidnt specificaly arrange to meet her, wa out with friends and she called him..he then left friends and met uop with her alone...not defending him at all just want to put across his side.


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## Tomodinhio (23 Mar 2009)

"whats wrong with being a transvestite "

you should start a new tread on this.

"How did you know the " girl " he's meeting is a transvestite"

i ment bopster's friends bf.


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## Diziet (23 Mar 2009)

Your friend is making excuses. The rule of thumb is that if he is hiding this from his girlfriend, then he is cheating. Low point in his life or not, it is still cheating.

Excuses are great, and the amazing thing is people end up believing them...


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## DavyJones (23 Mar 2009)

Your girlfriend doesn't trust you to start with if she is going through your phone after a night out.


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## DavyJones (23 Mar 2009)

hopalong said:


> whats wrong with being a transvestite



It's ok if you can get heels and a dress to fit and match ofcourse.


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## demoivre (23 Mar 2009)

hopalong said:


> whats wrong with being a transvestite



Nothing - you sound fine to me .


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## Smashbox (23 Mar 2009)

If this is a random person then its not really a friend. A friend is someone you knew before last weekend... meeting a random person is definatly suspicious, why couldnt you just head out with your own friends without taking time out to meet with someone you just met?


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## Tomodinhio (23 Mar 2009)

"he's at a low period of his life and needed someone to talk to"

lets rephrase this.

he's at a low period of his life and needed someone to have meaningless sex with.


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## Smashbox (23 Mar 2009)

bopster said:


> insists he's at a low period of his life and needed someone to talk to


 
Theres people you hire for this. They're called shrinks. If hes at a low point, he needs to seek professional help from a counsellor, not a random girl!


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## mercman (23 Mar 2009)

Has he done the dirt yet ?? This is a real case of cheating. The BF is at a very low point simply because he got caught. Lay down the law and either he shouts up or put him out....your friend just might be better off starting again. This is the first one he has got caught with, How many more has there been ??


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## gillarosa (23 Mar 2009)

Reading between the lines they don't appear to have a fantastic relationship to begin with, why is she checking his messages?

But, to answer your question, its not technically cheating as he appears to have told the second woman that he is in a relationship and her text sounds like there was no initiation of a relationship. But its maybe worse as possibly there are a lot of game playing and mind games going on within your friends relationship?


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## Teatime (23 Mar 2009)

bopster said:


> just wondering what everybodies ideas of cheating on a partner are? would you consider meeting someone from the opposite sex for a drink, you like their company but not really interested romatically but the person in question would love to be with you. and this person is a randomer met in a pub the week before...partner has no idea about meeting??


 
Is this a wind-up bopster ?

If not, your friends BF should seal the deal with his fancy woman asap. Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb...

As the advert says "I'm living for All these highs and lows !"


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## mercman (23 Mar 2009)

gillarosa said:


> But to answer your question, its not technically cheating as he appears to have told the second woman that he is in a relationship



To me sounds like he has been a naughty boy, enjoyed himself but wants to play them both. God he is mad !!


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## Purple (23 Mar 2009)

mercman said:


> To me sounds like he has been a naughty boy, enjoyed himself but wants to play them both. God he is mad !!



And a tranny as well it seems...


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## mercman (23 Mar 2009)

bopster said:


> she insists it is....he says she should be proud becuase he could of done more if he'd wanted to!



This means that he had rampant sex with the other woman and peeded of that he got found out. She is right ......and it's time to give yer man his marching papers.


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## bopster (23 Mar 2009)

ok a bit more info...couple in qustion-  guy has been out of work for few months now and relationship has been a bit strained due to money, uncertian future on the work side etc, guy does realise what he's done was wrong but doesnt consider it cheating, says its a sign that there are problems in their relationship and now is the time to bring it all out in the open....syas he may want to end it but not sure...girlfriend doesnt want to end it but cant get over him meeting up with someone else, feels he's cheated on her. he says that the rendevous is not the problem with them but the result of a trouble relationship..thats were he siad she should be glad that nothing happened, maybe they can save their relationship...question is would you go back to him???


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## bopster (23 Mar 2009)

theyve been together 3 years


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## Smashbox (23 Mar 2009)

bopster said:


> syas he may want to end it but not sure...


 
Hmm he may want to end it but isnt sure... tell her to give him the boot. After three years he should know by know how he feels for her.. 

Plenty more fish in the sea as they say.


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## Purple (23 Mar 2009)

*what do you consider cheating in a relationship? *

Well flirting on AAM is not anyway


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## Smashbox (23 Mar 2009)

Purple said:


> *what do you consider cheating in a relationship? *
> 
> Well flirting on AAM is not anyway


 
*NO* way.


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## baldyman27 (23 Mar 2009)

ney001 said:


> It's not quite cheating but it's about three drinks away from it!
> 
> Rule of thumb..... If you feel guilty then you usually are!


 
I agree, why doesn't he bring his GF along if he has nothing to hide?



DavyJones said:


> Your girlfriend doesn't trust you to start with if she is going through your phone after a night out.


 
Spot on.

Also, people aren't 'friends' straight away after one meeting. A friend is someone you trust completely and know them inside out (figuratively, not physically!). It takes time for 2 people to become friends.


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## DavyJones (23 Mar 2009)

Purple said:


> *what do you consider cheating in a relationship? *
> 
> Well flirting on AAM is not anyway



How you doin'?


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## LDFerguson (23 Mar 2009)

How come bopster has a zero post count?


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## DavyJones (23 Mar 2009)

LDFerguson said:


> How come bopster has a zero post count?




This question was posted in misc and moved here. I assume they maybe have special dispensation. If was their first post I think.


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## Lex Foutish (23 Mar 2009)

LDFerguson said:


> How come bopster has a zero post count?


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## Sue Ellen (23 Mar 2009)

bopster said:


> ok a bit more info...couple in qustion-  guy has been out of work for few months now and relationship has been a bit strained due to money, uncertian future on the work side etc, guy does realise what he's done was wrong but doesnt consider it cheating, says its a sign that there are problems in their relationship and now is the time to bring it all out in the open....syas he may want to end it but not sure...girlfriend doesnt want to end it but cant get over him meeting up with someone else, feels he's cheated on her. he says that the rendevous is not the problem with them but the result of a trouble relationship..thats were he siad she should be glad that nothing happened, maybe they can save their relationship...question is would you go back to him???



Typical devious male thinking.  Throwing the blame back onto her, wriggling his way out of trouble and making her grateful if he stays with her.  Smart or wha ...............


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## MandaC (23 Mar 2009)

Lex Foutish said:


>




And that of course means they cant post here! Or does it.

Do adults really behave like that.  They sound like they are about 12.

He seems like a right bargain anyway, no job,  woe is me syndrome , massive ego and random people suddenly become his best friend.  Sounds like a bit of a looper.


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## woodbine (23 Mar 2009)

sorry but if i discovered the love of my life had secretly met another woman i'd probably spontaneously combust with anger. 

(after i'd used his precious digger to bury him 20 feet under and backfilled the hole with his darling motorbike and all his belongings.) Then i'd plant a rose called "lying eyes" on the top.






the reality would be i'd be utterly devestated and would lose all trust in him. i couldn't forgive that.


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## nesbitt (23 Mar 2009)

Sue Ellen said:


> Typical devious male thinking. Throwing the blame back onto her, wriggling his way out of trouble and making her grateful if he stays with her. Smart or wha ...............


 
Well put....

Yep, the auld, sure aren't I still here routine....


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## Purple (23 Mar 2009)

After reading the last few posts all I can say is;

Women!


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## S.L.F (23 Mar 2009)

Purple said:


> After reading the last few posts all I can say is;
> 
> Women!


 
I concur


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## sandrat (23 Mar 2009)

S.L.F said:


> I concur


 
what did we do now?


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## Smashbox (24 Mar 2009)

Doesnt surprise me at all with you two. Purple and SLF should get married me thinks, they're so alike


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## csirl (24 Mar 2009)

This situation is very simple.

He's testing the market - trying to see if he can "trade up" to what he considers to be a better model. He's not really into his current partner and is looking for something better. Maybe he's one of those people who doesnt like being single, so even if he's not mad about who he's with, he'll stay with them until something better comes along.

If he does manage to get something better, his current girlfriend will get the marching orders. If he doesn't, he'll accept his lot........for now. Essentially, he's got one eye on the door.

I am not in any way suggesting that the OPs friend is an inferior model - a lot of guys can have strange tastes in women and one persons better model is anothers leftovers. The OPs friend should remember that this is not her fault - if he's not happy with his relationship and wants to date other people, he should be up front and honest about it instead of stringing her along.


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## TreeTiger (24 Mar 2009)

From WikiAnswers -
What is cheating in a relationship?

"It's any action that is contrary to the stated or implied commitments of the relationship. If there is a stated or implied exclusive nature of the relationship, then any behavior that violates the exclusive nature of that relationship is cheating. On the other hand, if nobody has made promises, commitments or in any way suggested an exclusive relationship, there can be no cheating."

As the relationship has been going on for 3 years, my advice now would be to hand him over to the "randomer" as quick as possible, before he decides he would like to stay after all!


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## dodo (24 Mar 2009)

I remember a famous muscle man saying eating aint cheating


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## gillarosa (24 Mar 2009)

bopster said:


> ok a bit more info...couple in qustion- guy has been out of work for few months now and relationship has been a bit strained due to money, uncertian future on the work side etc, guy does realise what he's done was wrong but doesnt consider it cheating, says its a sign that there are problems in their relationship and now is the time to bring it all out in the open....syas he may want to end it but not sure...girlfriend doesnt want to end it but cant get over him meeting up with someone else, feels he's cheated on her. he says that the rendevous is not the problem with them but the result of a trouble relationship..thats were he siad she should be glad that nothing happened, maybe they can save their relationship...question is would you go back to him???


 
Sounds like the rendevous may have been orchastrated in order to force the issues he feel are in the relationship out into the open as a short sharp shock rather than by discussing them and maybe if he is as spineless as he sounds to have his GF make the decision to end the relationship?

Its not uncommon for people to re-evaluate their relationships and life in general when there is a drastic change in their personal finances either upward or downward as it places important issues in sharp focus where they may have been glossed over previously. Her response and final decision should be based on his general behaviour and demeanour toward her and commitment to the relationship rather than focusing on the events of the one night, it is irrelevant now if it were cheating or not as his response to being 'caught' has opened a can of worms.


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## deedee80 (24 Mar 2009)

Yes this is most definitely cheating.  He is unhappy in his relationship and is suiting himself.  I usually find that when one person leaves a long term relationship, they more often than not have a new one already set up on the side.  He was just unlucky to have been found out.  As another poster said, let the randomer have him.  From what I have read, both he and that relationship are not worth fighting for.


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## Bubbly Scot (24 Mar 2009)

As a general rule of thumb I consider anything you can't tell your significant other is cheating. I arrange coffee and lunch with guys fairly frequently, admittedly mostly work related but I have a few male friends. Im always comfortable enough to tell Mr Bubbly and it's not different to meeting my girl friends.

I'd agree with everyone else, he doesn't sound like a keeper to me, loved the "be greatful I didn't do anything else"  oh yeah, what a catch!


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## michaelm (27 Mar 2009)

She oughta loose that zero and get herself a hero .  I'd say write him off.


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## shootingstar (27 Mar 2009)

woodbine said:


> sorry but if i discovered the love of my life had secretly met another woman i'd probably spontaneously combust with anger.
> 
> (after i'd used his precious digger to bury him 20 feet under and backfilled the hole with his darling motorbike and all his belongings.) Then i'd plant a rose called "lying eyes" on the top.
> 
> ...



That should get QUOTE OF THE WEEK...


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## Brianne (28 Mar 2009)

I think that now would be a good time to leave him in this' low period of his life' to contemplate his poor life!!!
Life is too short for dealing with people like this. Tell your friend to put a price on herself and depart without any further discussion with her head high. She shouldn't waste time trying to work out this guy's complicated thoughT processes. I have no doubt he is a shallow pool so let him drown himself in his thoughtlessness and hypocrisy!!!
In fact she, like all women, should try to have the last word....always essential.... and thank him on the way out for clarifying for her the many doubts she has had over the years.
Men are like buses, there's always another one on the way!!!
From Married 28 years today!!!!


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