# Bullying in the workplace what can I do?



## Blueeyes123 (1 Nov 2009)

Hi all,

I'm a new member here and I hope someone can give me some advice, I'll try and keep this short, as its a long story.

Working for a large company for 6 years now, 6 years ago I started at the bottom and worked my way up to a better sales role. I am in this role now 3 years. 1 year ago my manager left and the new manager took over, who is a large bully, i.e. gets very angry so bad she looks like she'll physically hurt you.
Prior to the bully taking over, my performance was always over 150% Above targets, and everything was well. 
Almost straight away in Jan 09 I saw there was a problem with the new manager, she started threatening me and was completely unreasonable, - not normal, she couldnt understand normal situations and was pushing for more to the point of unrealistic -- yet her own work was shocking. 
I contacted HR straight away in Feb after another altercation with the bully, at this stage she had me breaking down twice - and in all the time I worked there I never once cried. I am now a bit of a wreck. 
I had many conversations with my HR partner for my area for about 7 months - the HR person only ever gave me 1 option which was an informal sit down chat with her - bully - & me. 
Eventually I agreed on a friday and over that weekend thought to myself if anyone else knew anything, i.e. the HR employees manager as I was scared once I sat down with the bully what would happen next. 
I came in on the following Monday and sent the HR person an e-mail asking does anyone else know anything about the 7 months of conversations -& meetings, she reply NO. I cancelled the informal meeting straight away and proceeded to submit and cc the head of HR and the HR person with 7 examples & dates and times - a Formal complaint against the BULLY. This was conducted straight away by interviewing members of my team and myself and the bully, I was never asked to bring anyone in with me, yet the company always had 2 persons when I walked in. I found this very stressfull, as now the bully knew I had submitted the complaint. 2 weeks later I was called into a meeting to hear about the outcome, they fluffed it up, voice wise and advised me that I needed a break and that there was a clear breakdown in communication, so for a temporary period of 3 months I was to be moved to a new team, in the same room, and that I would get everything in writing. I agreed and with in 2 days, of talking & the 2 manager friends going out on smokes, I was called into a meeting with the new manager and was told my performance was bad and now I was being put onto a PIP, (performance improvement plan) I then proceeded to have what could be described as a mental breakdown, I left that day on sick leave and I have been out since. 
I went to a solicitor and sent letters, the head of HR asked me to meet with him to discuss options, I had to drive a few hours to meet with this in the hopes to resolve things, he offered me 2 options, 1: stay put under the bully.
2: move to a department where I feel is a complete demotion.
none of these were fair. 
So I requested an appeal, this time, The company made things hard for me and gave me an awful grilling, at this stage I was a complete wreck, breaking down 2-3 times in the one meeting. 
1 week later, a few minutes to the deadline for receiving the appeal outcome, I received an e-mail that now paints me in an even worse light.
My solicitor has replied saying I need to be offered some department permanently or if they could bring in an independent to re- examine everything. 

Can someone tell me where to go with this now? or what are my possible options. The bully is still in her manager role and happy out, I suffered big time, had a misscarriage a few days after walking out on sick leave and I am now on unpaid leave. I had faith in the company at one stage - but now feel very hard done by?

Thanks in advance sorry for the length of the post.

Blueeyes.


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## putsch (1 Nov 2009)

I'm not sure I can be of practical help but I do assure you of my sympathy having had a v difficult manager who undermined me and sapped my confidence.

At a certain stage in this kind of issue you need to be very cool and analytical (things that are very difficult to be when you are feeling like this). You need to forget about "its not fair" and that they are clearly in the wrong and you need to work out the answers to some questions that are really personal to you and no one else can help with (especially well meaning friends and family):
Do I need to work to earn my living?
What work options are open to me - with this company or with another company
Can I ever go back to this company - if so what could I bear - would a "demotion" to another department be better than no job - 
Would some financial recompense help or not - if so how much of my life am I prepared to sacrifice to obtain it.....

Personally I realised that I would never get back to where I was in the company with the respect and position that I had and so I tried to work with the company to find a mutually acceptable outcome bearing in mind that they would never admit the mananger was a bully. Even after I got some financial satisfaction I still had to deal emotionally with my very strong feelings of being hard done by and that the whole thing wasn't fair. But those feelings are fading over time.
I guess I'm trying to say that you will never get back to where you were and so you should try to envision various compromises that might work for you and the company.

Good luck.


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## Blueeyes123 (1 Nov 2009)

Hi,

Thank you, for some very good advice. 

Blueeyes.


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## Kev (1 Nov 2009)

It is very difficult Blueeyse when you are being bully by a manager at work, when this happened to me I put in a grievance and although my place of work (a well know large store is not unionized, I joined one for support) I then had them there for backup if I needed to take my case further. I found that all the HR people and manager tend to back each other up and you feel that you are up against a brick wall with them.  

  I put everything in writing and had it recorded delivered to the store HR department as I found that unless you do that they will deny everything said on the phone or eye to eye ball.  Companies will never admin that they are wrong and will never apologize.

  What was really revealing in my case was that the person who was doing the bullying was ill trained and though that she was working in the best interest of the company.  I felt also that they were given too much power over decision making regarding how they should treat employees.


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## d2x2 (1 Nov 2009)

Same story happened to me. Incompetent manager still in her job. Bully victim decided to leave the company shortly after and never regretted making that move.


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## Cruiser1427 (1 Nov 2009)

Blueeyes, firstly be aware your not alone... There are hundreds in the same position as you all over Ireland, most who are too afraid to ever go to HR about it.
I was the in the same boat when I joined my current company - I worked directly into the MD who was also new in the job and made my life absolute hell for nearly a year. I frequently made it home to my wife and then just fell apart, didn't sleep worrying and then got up and did it all again the next morning!
In my case there was no-one to go to as all HR was based in UK and my contacting them would have made the matter far worse, he was his own man in the Irish office and could do to me whatever he wanted.
Finally after he'd nearly broken me I rang my bank and got a small loan, enough to make sure that the mortgage and bills would be paid for a few months. I went straight in the day the money was in the bank and resigned... This was when it all changed, he wouldn't accept my resignation and having laid it all out on the table he backed away and never got in my face again. 5 years on i'm still there and he's moved on. 
Believe in you and what you can do, stand up for yourself and if your HR people aren't getting you satisfaction go around them, ultimately there is someone who's role it is to make sure that the company is a fair and good place to work, likely there called the MD or CEO. If your not confident enough to take this approach then have your solicitor document the events from your telling and their communications with HR dept and send them in to that person - if he or she is worth their salt then it'll make them stand up and put the wrong right!


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## Blueeyes123 (1 Nov 2009)

Hi all,

Thank you for all of your advice and support, I'll keep everyone posted.

If it goes to it, I'll def get my solicitor to go direct to the CEO of the company.

Thanks again.

Blueeyes.


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## One (2 Nov 2009)

Blueeyes123 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I suffered big time, had a misscarriage a few days after walking out on sick leave and I am now on unpaid leave.
> 
> ...


 
That is a terrible story of bullying, and the effect it is having upon you is awful! I have to ask, are you sure that your solicitor is doing enough for you? Have you got a second opinion (preferably from someone who has alot of experience in employment law)? From what you say, I would not have much faith in HR resolving this matter.


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## Complainer (2 Nov 2009)

Sorry to hear about your difficult situation. You might want to be cautious about using specific in-house terminology (e.g. PIP performance improvement plan) here, as this could effectively identify the company or yourself.


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## lightswitch (2 Nov 2009)

Complainer said:


> Sorry to hear about your difficult situation. You might want to be cautious about using specific in-house terminology (e.g. PIP performance improvement plan) here, as this could effectively identify the company or yourself.


 
Was thinking the same thing myself. In fact if they have a lot of HR issues in general I may actually have worked for them at one point.  Feel free to pm me if you want.  LS.


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## Blueeyes123 (3 Nov 2009)

Hi,

Thanks, I never even thought of that.

I'm not sure about the solicitor, I rang the today show last week and an employment specialist advised me to look for the company to now request an independent person to complete a new investigation, I had to ask my solicitor to request this, because he had never heard of it. 

He has now asked for this, or for me to be moved to a different department on a permanent basis. I am awaiting the job now to come back with an answer, from experience with this situation, the company for some reason, take quite a while to come back to me, maybe upto 2 weeks, so I'll update everyone when they do.

I am also a member of a union, I only told the rep recently and he / she was very helpful, if I'm asked to go and meet with them again, I will def be bringing the rep. I was strongly advised not to go in by myself the last time, and


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## Blueeyes123 (3 Nov 2009)

I didnt, I went in by myself, and oh I so regretted it, they came across so strong and where actually putting words in my mouth, and even funnier was that the head of HR had the cheek to say to me he will be very upset if I go to the union - solicitor..... and then in the outcome, he more or less says it was my fault that this new manager was only trying to manage my performance - and that the breakdown in communication came because of my negative attitude ?? 

tks everyone.


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## liaconn (3 Nov 2009)

You could consider taking a case for constructive dismissal to the Employment Appeals Tribunal under the Unfair Dismissals Act. Your solicitior would be able to advise you re this.

I'm really sorry to hear what you've been going through. It is unbelievable how so many organisations still cannot effectively handle bullying issues and  continue to allow inadequates and disturbed people to damage emplyees' health.


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## Mars39 (3 Nov 2009)

I feel for you. Been there and not a pleasant place to be in. I ended up taking a case to the unfair dismissals but it took 18 mths to get to completion. I resigned via solicitors letter to say that position untenable and that with all that happened could not return to work there. DO keep all notes of phonecalls to your solicitor etc...and then get on with you life and try to put it all behind you as best you can until the case would come up. Good luck. Not all places are like that to work. But it is the story the world over that ineveitably its the Bully who ends up staying.


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## Elitist (3 Nov 2009)

Complainer said:


> Sorry to hear about your difficult situation. You might want to be cautious about using specific in-house terminology (e.g. PIP performance improvement plan) here, as this could effectively identify the company or yourself.


 
This is generally a private sector term.
You are given 30-60 days to improve or get fired, or negotiate your way out with 2 months salary


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## Complainer (3 Nov 2009)

Elitist said:


> This is generally a private sector term.
> You are given 30-60 days to improve or get fired, or negotiate your way out with 2 months salary


Having worked in the private sector for more than 25 years in a range of large/small/Irish/international companies, I am fairly familiar with terminology. I came across this term (and in particular the PIP acronym) in one particular multinational, where it had a fairly different meaning to your description. I guess that other companies may well use the term for variations on the same theme.


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## annR (3 Nov 2009)

Hi
What an awful situation, very stressful.  I can't really offer any advice except that the more you can think about this analytically the easier it might be.  Reading as much as you can about workplace bullying or indeed about psychopaths in the workplace (I read a book about that last weekend) may help.  
As an aside comment, I know that not all workplace bullies are psychopaths, but some of them are.  One of their characteristics is that they tend to have management completely fooled.  In fact they are usually also working on their manager's manager in order to undermine that person as well and take their job.


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## Brighid (3 Nov 2009)

I am really sorry that you are going through so much pain, bullying can cause enormous distress. Look after yourself and use all the help and support that you can get.This is a link to the antibullying centre, I do know a few people who contacted them and they were a great support

[broken link removed]


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## Blueeyes123 (4 Nov 2009)

Hi Guys,

Thanks, the site is very good & the advice - support from everyone is helping greatly.

Blue-eyes.


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## Kev (4 Nov 2009)

Also, have a look at your contract of employment and see what it says about bullying and about harassment.

Best of Luck


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## Claire1956 (4 Nov 2009)

Hi Blueeyes

Really sorry to hear what you've been through. I had a similar experience and felt little help was available from the co. and subsequently left. I appreciate that you might be very emotional and feeling low at the moment. Can I make a few suggestions - please ignore anything that might upset you. Just that I can remember how I felt and now with a bit of hindsight some of the actions I could have taken, but didn't:

Suggest you concentrate on what are your most important needs (leaving the bullying matter to one side) - write them down and assess how you can meet these. 

If you need the income/job to meet these needs, forget about the feeling of needing justice done re the bullying *for the present* and concentrate on your own health and well being, and return to the workplace. The first day will be the most difficult, but it will get easier and you will be clearly stating to the company that you are strong. It is easy in this situation in getting caught up in 'outing' the bully (and yes that is what I wanted too). So, if you need to get back to work - then do it knowing that it is because you have a clear objective for doing so,eg staying involved with the company in order to maintain your career path etc..

Else, your course of action currently appears to be one way of dealing with the issue. 
Do you have someone to talk to about this situation (ie. a colleague)??


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## Blueeyes123 (6 Nov 2009)

Hi everyone, 

Thank you for all of your valued advice, I have been offered a temporary role in a different department and been assured that once that contract is up, I wont be put back to where I was bullied. 

The situation in Ireland is pretty bad ... i.e. loosing jobs everywhere.

So I've decided to take this role, and hope everything improves, its also pretty close to christmas, so I feel better going back. 

Thanks again.... I just hope this isnt a trick to get back to work and then spring something on me.. I have to trust them at some stage.

Blue eyes.


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## One (6 Nov 2009)

That's great. Hope everything goes well for you.


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## liaconn (6 Nov 2009)

Me too. Best of luck.


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## AgathaC (6 Nov 2009)

I know what this situation is like, having worked some years ago, with a bully. I was only working with the bully short term, but I had to go to their boss eventually and explain what was going on. He dealt with the situation, and the bully treated me properly from then on. Thankfully it was only a short term project anyway. I have no doubt that this bully had gotten away with their behaviour for many many years and it was a big shock for them to be taken aside by the boss. I think many organisations treat bullying as a problem that they simply hope will go away. I wish you the very best of luck and I sincerely hope and pray that everything works out well for you.


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## Blueeyes123 (6 Nov 2009)

Hi, 

Thanks everybody hopefully


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## sc12 (12 Nov 2009)

My partner went through a similar thing, it was awful. Was given a PIP after a glowing review a month earlier and always overachieving etc. Was made feel like utter crap and HR dept were useless, completely siding with manager. His life was made hell, unrealistic deadlines, completely bombarded with work. We kept notes of everything, conversations, emails etc and then went to a solicitor. It seemed like they were trying to push him out but he hung in there and decided he wasnt going to let them get away with it. He went to his doctor who signed him off on stress leave as his blood pressure had rocketed and spent most of his days on the loo with the stress. We then went to a solicitor with all the documentation and took their advice. They didnt send a letter directly from them but worded letters for him to give employers. Then after a few months of being messed around the solicitor came in on record and kicked ass! Ours had a happy ending, negotiated a good exit package but I think more importantly my partner felt his name and reputation had been cleared. Good websites I came across were the hse workplace bullying and the following http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/amibeing.htm
It is so hard to pinpoint corporate bullying but I thought this website did it very well.
Best of luck, I hope the change in dept is all that is needed. Look after yourself as these things can take there toll.


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## Blueeyes123 (17 Nov 2009)

Hi,

Thanks, so far the new place seems quite nice and no stress at all !! which is great, I think by me walking back and the Bully is still in the same building, it shows that I won!! at least thats how I feel, Thanks for all of the advise, it was great.

Blueeyes


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## Grizzly (17 Nov 2009)

AgathaC said:


> I was only working with the bully short term, but I had to go to their boss eventually and explain what was going on. He dealt with the situation, and the bully treated me properly from then on. Thankfully it was only a short term project anyway. I have no doubt that this bully had gotten away with their behaviour for many many years and it was a big shock for them to be taken aside by the boss.


 
How come no one else had made a similar complaint?  You seemed to have picked up very quickly on his bullying, why was this the case?


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## Kev (17 Nov 2009)

Found this on bullying hope it helps 

[broken link removed]


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## cork (23 Nov 2009)

I was bullied in one department. People working in that department ignored the bullying. HR knew that this guy was a bully and they did nothing.

Bullying seems common in the workplace.

But the person who is bullied is pretty isolated. 

The whole experience was terrible.

I had took a transfer to get out of there.

My advice - don't let it get you dowm - It goes on more than you know.


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