# Partner not facing up to overborrowing



## within29 (3 Nov 2009)

Age 33
Income 204 pw disability -short term
Partner 42 
Income c 46k net

Life insurance: Yes
Partners Credit Card debt currently 7k
Cleared monthly: no
My Credit Card Debt 2k
Cleared monthly 50%

PDH Mortgage : 190k
Value 260k 
Rate fixed for another 3 years 5.29%

Investment property 
Value 200k
Interest only 
Rental Income 500e covers mortgage

Credit union Loan 12k
Children 2
Ages 3 & 10

We are just about surviving. We temporarily separated last year & during that time he took out the loan & when those funds ran out he used his credit card. He spent the money on an expensive hobby.
We applied for a new CC Tesco refused us & the other institutions all seem to want c/a statements. There are unpaids on these.

Despite appeals the Credit Union will not lend us anymore and I cannot ask for a loan from my family. He wont talk to me about this situation he says his mind is bogged down with figures all day and doesn't need this. In his opinion everyone is in this situation and so is acceptable.

We are not married & do not share any a/c's.

Reading this I know I sound and perhaps am putting the blame on him, but he has been providing for me since I left work. We need to work this out.


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## Brendan Burgess (3 Nov 2009)

I don't know how you get your partner to face up to the problem, but that is the first step.

Can you sell the investment property? Would there be a surplus left over? 

Have you been to MABS? If you can get your partner to go, it might well help.

Brendan


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## within29 (3 Nov 2009)

Re selling the RIP we may have 60k excl CGT. He wont sell it says he has put too much into it & its our pension.
I think he might be embarrassed to admit to it. It took a long time and many arguments to get him into the cu only to be refused.

I am at a loss.


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## chlipps (3 Nov 2009)

I think MABS is the answer... advice is free and maybe they might convince your partner that you do have a problem... 

What are your chances of getting back into employment?...maybe as he is earning 46k per year he thinks he can pay it back? The issue will arise if he loses his job...is he aware of that?

Best of luck


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## within29 (4 Nov 2009)

My ex colleague is now working down in the MABS office & to be honest I don't want him to know. Keeping up with the Jones factor. Awful but its true for a lot of people even if its not said.
I know I'm just as bad as him. 

If I could just clear the CC I know things would be OK. Does anyone know of a cc co. that would take us. All payments met if a  little late.


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## Danniboo7 (4 Nov 2009)

I don't get it are ye really struggling with money perhaps do the Money Makeover section so people can offer advice. 

I take it your min payment on your credit cards is 500pm there or there abouts. 

Mortgage - 500pm
Credit Union - ???


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## missdaisy (4 Nov 2009)

If an ex colleague is working in a MABS office near you could you maybe travel to a different office? You need to face up to the situation.  Avoiding MABS, whose advice would be valuable to you, because of one person isn't wise.


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## Danniboo7 (4 Nov 2009)

ignore my last comment i'm half asleep


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## so-crates (4 Nov 2009)

Can I ask if anything is being paid off your partner's CC? You have indicated that you are paying half the amount due on your own card every month but give no indication of what (if any) payment is being made against your partners.


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## Colndas (4 Nov 2009)

He wont talk to me about this situation he says his mind is bogged down with figures all day and doesn't need this. In his opinion everyone is in this situation and so is acceptable.

[/quote]

The reality is that a lot of people are in this situation, although not everybody uses that as a reason not to do anything about it. In a later thread a poster gave a link to an excellent if somewhat frightening budget calculator. It may be worthwhile looking at that, printing it out and trying to discuss it with your partner.

Having been in a similar situation myself I can understand the human urge to deny that something is wrong in the hope that it will go away. 

If you cannot get your partner to speak with you about it, talk to a friend or family member, you may find that you are not as alone as you think. 

Working out what you take in and spend every month is the next step, followed by listing in order of importance your monthly expenditure. i.e. roof over head, keeping family fed and warm and then the other items.

Once you have done that try to find ways of reducing what is spent on each of the items in the list, either by contacting the company directly or looking to switch to a cheaper provider. 

You dont need to increase your borrowing, you just need to reduce what you spend on it.


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## within29 (4 Nov 2009)

The CC is the big problem at the moment. Because its in his name they will not speak to me about the situation. We switched from BOS to MBNA to avail of interest free period but stupidly he forgot to pay the first month. 
Now he is being charged full interest on entire sum - no interest free period.
I appealed, they wont talk to me, he wont talk to them. Agggggh


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## Colndas (5 Nov 2009)

There is not a lot you can do about his CC, you can write to your CC company and Mortgage Lender and CU informing them of your situation and ask them for help.

Ask them for some ideas as to how you can manage your expenses during this time.

If you have some success reducing your monthly expenditure on all other loans it may spur your partner into action.


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## within29 (5 Nov 2009)

Clondas We can manage the CU payment alright. But its the interest on the cc thats killing.
Yesterday I found out the worst news ever about my life insurance - see post- and we are in trouble big trouble.

Thanks


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## chlipps (5 Nov 2009)

If in 'big trouble' then you do need to go to another MABS office and get advice asap.. 
Your partner has a decent income and pity to see it go on CC interest...would he be open to option of a joint account and let you take care of all money? If you had joint account then it would allow divert monies as required especially against the CC's


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## lady (6 Nov 2009)

chlipps said:


> ...would he be open to option of a joint account and let you take care of all money? If you had joint account then it would allow divert monies as required especially against the CC's


 
I think you would be mad to get a joint account with this man. He wont face up to his money problems which means he'll probably fall into debt again even if you clean up his mess for him this time. 

Its time for some tough love. If he WON'T help himself theres nothing you can do for him.


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## missdaisy (6 Nov 2009)

I would second lady's comment that you would be mad to open a joint account with your partner.


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## within29 (7 Nov 2009)

Your right. There is no way I want to open an a/c with him.
The big trouble refers to a life policy with him. Wrong forum probably but I have an Long term illness and it wasn't mentioned on the application. Broker knew about it. Didn't disclose it. 7k paid in premiums. I should have looked before I signed I know. Now no insurance.

Screwed.


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## chlipps (8 Nov 2009)

Your quote ''his opinion everyone is in this situation and so is acceptable''... Having read your insurance post, you have no choice but to get your partner to address the overborrowing issue... you are not in everyone's situation considering the insurance issue... If not opening one account, then if you can get online visibility of his accounts somehow then it would allow you some control

Again...I strongly recommend that you approach MABS for advice asap. Best of luck


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## SarahMc (18 Nov 2009)

There is a large waiting list for MABS in most areas, and advisors are referring people to their helpline in any case.  Call them on 1890 283438.


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