# The challenge of getting "the best" family law barrister- recommendation needed?



## Tom2020 (1 Nov 2020)

On the challenge of getting "the best" family law barrister, how does one actually go about that?.. Everyone tells me "get the best one you can find"..
There are no ratings or review system that I know of out there? Its unfortunately not a modern friendly place like Amazon.com or hotels.com, where solicitors & barristers are all rated or held to account.

It also seems to still be a complete legal fee money racket in Ireland2020 and is not as clear cut in terms of asset division and maintenance % of income, as in many other Countries. Going on personal recommendations of other people is also very subjective.

It would be the widely held view on forums that family law process in Ireland falls heavily in the favor of the female, particular if dependent kids involved.
So as a man, I personally have struggled to find many men that have had a "good experience" using solicitors & barristers in an Irish JS process.

If anyone knows of a good one that has represented well on the male respondent side, please send me a direct email asap, as Im still on the Quest of all Quests for the Best Family law solicitor & barrister myself.
_*I'm ideally looking for a recommendation of a barrister from a male Respondent that has been the full way through the JS process in the Circuit Court in Dublin, with a good articulate barrister that defended your case well, not just the motions of court process.*_

Thank you.
Tom


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## Purple (3 Nov 2020)

I have an excellent one now. The first one was more expensive and we just didn't click. It's not all about money.


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## Tom2020 (11 Nov 2020)

_Please clarify how you found and selected your barrister?_ Or if anyone knows out there the best way to go about this. Rather that what seems to very unfortunately be the norm; "I heard from someone.. that BL X was good..."
I'm also wary on taking the solicitor default recommendation at face value, as I know enough now about the set-up that you often get solicitors "sending Barristers work" as they "owe-them-one" from prior jobs... etc etc.. It is a very grey area... Thank you.


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## MOB (12 Nov 2020)

Of course it is impossible to say for sure, based on the limited information posted, but:

a)  Personal recommendation is one of the best ways of selecting an adviser.  I don't really understand why you would feel that it is unfortunate that this is the norm.  Do you not have friends whose opinions you trust and value?  Ask them.

b)  A contentious family law case for a father who has recently lost his job=the sort of case that causes a solicitor to "owe them one" - -very hard to see how a barrister would be sent this brief because he\she is owed one.   Again, by the way, nothing at all wrong with this.  If you have a supplier of services and you send him or her nothing but a stream of troublesome contracts to fulfil, you will find that he or she is not willing to take work from you.  That is the same in construction, manufacturing and most areas of human endeavour.  Sustainable business relationships mean that you have to ensure that your suppliers make a profit.

Ask your friends for recommendations.  Ideally ask a solicitor friend who does not do family law (or at least will not be offended that they are not being hired)


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## LS400 (12 Nov 2020)

MOB said:


> Personal recommendation is one of the best ways of selecting an adviser. I don't really understand why you would feel that it is unfortunate that this is the norm. Do you not have friends whose opinions you trust and value



We`re not good at confiding in people. I would have close friends, but if I were to confide, Id probably only tell them a one sided version on events, and that`s with the best will in the world, and that goes for the brilliant representation Id received. I wouldn't like to have felt short changed and admitted to it.   

Its also a very personal matter, and I wouldn't want to wash my undies for all to see and make judgments on, no matter how close friends we are.  Guys are just more reserved, where as Gals, well, are not, in general.

So for a bloke to be asking this question, going through your pals list for recommendation, is not really an option.

My sister in Law has gone through this process, berating the legal rep she received, but, I know shes hard work at the best of times, so they are probably wonderfully skilled at their job, but would not be getting the deserved endorsement.

I asked the very same question a while ago, but not in as good a way as the OP has outlined and framed this question. I would think that who ever he ends up with, having done his due diligence on them, will be a 5 star rating, pity well never know.


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## deanpark (12 Nov 2020)

I'm a bloke who has applied for Legal Aid for custody and domestic violence proceedings and was assigned via their offices a very good private family law solicitor and through them a very good barrister and have been successful in all hearings.    The legals don't seem to have the inclination to spend any decent lot of time prior to hearings with me to buoy me up/ prepare etc. but on the day in front of the judge they perform.   Not sure how that helps the OP but it's how I navigated the world of family lawyers as I didn't have a notion of who to approach.

My brother is a solicitor but I wouldn't dream of / bother asking his opinion as I wouldn't think he would be the best person to talk to about it.


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## Purple (12 Nov 2020)

LS400 said:


> We`re not good at confiding in people. I would have close friends, but if I were to confide, Id probably only tell them a one sided version on events, and that`s with the best will in the world, and that goes for the brilliant representation Id received. I wouldn't like to have felt short changed and admitted to it.
> 
> Its also a very personal matter, and I wouldn't want to wash my undies for all to see and make judgments on, no matter how close friends we are.  Guys are just more reserved, where as Gals, well, are not, in general.
> 
> ...


I've had no problem confiding in friends and asking for advice, especially those who have been through similar situations. 
Maybe I'm odd (okay, I know I'm odd) but I've never had a problem telling male friends my problems, or listening to theirs or telling them how much I value their friendship or discussing feeling down or any of that stuff. I'm not into that stoic alpha male nonsense People like that are just insecure.


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## Northie (12 Nov 2020)

deanpark said:


> The legals don't seem to have the inclination to spend any decent lot of time prior to hearings with me to buoy me up/ prepare etc. but on the day in front of the judge they perform.



This would be my experience as well, and in truth its what you are paying for i.e. the work in court. I had a solicitor recommended to me by a friend, the barrister was organised by him and I didn't have any say, having said that I had no issue with the barrister's performance in court. I did discover an acquittance worked in a family law solicitor's practice and I asked them to check re my solicitor, the positive comment back confirmed my decision.

Looking across the table at my ex's legal team I wasn't massively impressed at their performance. However, what I quickly discovered was that my legal team's performance and that of my ex's was very much dependent on mine and my ex's behaviour. By that I mean not just in relation to our own preparedness for court  (in relation to being on top of our records, clear mentally about timeline and ability to answer questions on them, ability to produce copies of correspondence to counter claims made by the other side etc) but also how we had behaved during the breakdown of our marriage and how honest we were about those behaviours - both good and bad. Another major difference was I concentrated on my behaviour and how I saw things progressing while my ex insisted on dragging through the past and trying to assign blame. I don't envy the job the legal team had to make of what was given to them to argue.

I've mentioned this in responses before in this forum, while the breakdown of a marriage is incredibly emotional, hurtful etc, once it gets to court and the legal system all of that has to be put aside and you have to approach it in a rational, pragmatic manner. For solicitors and barristers this is business and they could be on either side of the table. My first time in the family court it was a shock to see the legal eagles chatting and joking, you half expect them to be as adversarial as you and the ex but that's not what will get you through what I certainly found to be an incredibly stressful experience.


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## LS400 (12 Nov 2020)

Purple said:


> Maybe I'm odd (okay, I know I'm odd)



I think that`s getting close to personal abuse, IMHO, and maybe should be reported for your own good.



Purple said:


> People like that are just insecure.



Id say anyone going through the experience what Northie has very well explained would find it difficult, not to become somewhat insecure.


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## Purple (13 Nov 2020)

LS400 said:


> I think that`s getting close to personal abuse, IMHO, and maybe should be reported for your own good.


 Indeed, and self abuse is also a sin (as the Christian Brothers used to tell me).




LS400 said:


> Id say anyone going through the experience what Northie has very well explained would find it difficult, not to become somewhat insecure.


  I left an abusive relationship. I walked out of the house with nothing other than my clothes and 8 years later that's still all I have of the possessions that were in the house I bought and am still paying for. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I'm a better person and a much better father since I left. I have a good well paid job and I manage people and have the responsibility of making major business decisions regularly. I'm saying that not to show off but to show that anyone can be a victim of abuse. It's not a sign of failure or weakness. Without the support of family, but particularly of friends, I don't know if I'd have made it through it.
I find it deeply sexist and very damaging to men that all of the talk about coercive control focuses solely on women as victims. I don't know the statistics, or even if anyone has bothered to gather them, but I'd say there is a strong link between marriage and long term relationship breakdown and male suicide. In that context I believe that it is very important for men to talk about what they have experienced, to each other and publically. It's not the fault of women that the discussion around all of this is so one sided; women talk about it more and they are certainly more likely to be the victim of severe physical abuse but that leaves male victims in a very isolated place.


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## Purple (13 Nov 2020)

@Northie, great post.


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## LS400 (13 Nov 2020)

Purple said:


> but I'd say there is a strong link between marriage and long term relationship breakdown and male suicide.



My thumbs up is an acknowledgement of that statement, as it brought home that very situation some years ago. Very well said.


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## Robert135 (30 Jul 2021)

Purple said:


> I have an excellent one now. The first one was more expensive and we just didn't click. It's not all about money.


Hi Tom, 
Unfortunately I seem to have got in a mess picking my solicitor for my divorce, I'm very stressed, 3 1/2 years and still going over the same information I gave them at the start, could you kindly inform me what legal support you got, as I'm getting anywhere. Kindest Regards Robert


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## Purple (30 Jul 2021)

Robert135 said:


> Hi Tom,
> Unfortunately I seem to have got in a mess picking my solicitor for my divorce, I'm very stressed, 3 1/2 years and still going over the same information I gave them at the start, could you kindly inform me what legal support you got, as I'm getting anywhere. Kindest Regards Robert


I got a proverbial kick up the backside from my solicitor. That's really what I got.


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