# Recently bereaved - do we send Christmas Cards?



## Hoagy

My Mother in Law died a month ago.  We were having a small family get-together on Saturday after interring the ashes and a family member who was over from England said we wouldn't be sending Christmas Cards this year.
I've never heard of this.  Can anyone shed any light?


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## olddoll

When my parents died we didn't send Christmas cards, nor did we receive any.  Similarly, when Aunts / Uncles passed on we didn't sent Christmas cards to the family.


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## Caveat

Yes, I believe this is standard practice.


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## aircobra19

Its not usual, but I guess it would depend on your own customs, religion etc.


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## Vanilla

Yes it's customary not to send any cards the first christmas after a death in the family. You will still receive them.


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## gipimann

As Vanilla said, it's customary for the bereaved family not to send Christmas cards in the first year.   There is also a custom of not sending cards to bereaved families (at least it is in my family circle) so you may find that you might receive fewer as well.


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## steph1

When both of my parents passed away I did not send any Christmas Cards on those years.  I did receive Christmas Cards some of which were mass bouquets.  It was still nice to receive cards and its nice to think that people are thinking of you especially the first Christmas when a parent has died.


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## demoivre

My own father died this summer and I am not going to send cards this Christmas - I wasn't aware of a custom as such but feel it's the right thing to do this year anyway.


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## Smashbox

There is a custom when a family member dies that you do not send Christmas Cards. You do recieve them, many just Mass Cards and the like.

Its up to yourself at the end of the day really.


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## PMU

I think you should send Christmas cards, at least we did in similar circumstances.  Regardless of your religious views, sending Christmas cards is a sign of remembering friends and relatives and wishing them well in the new year.   Because you have suffered a bereavement is no reason not to do this.  Some people may not send you cards as they think they are being intrusive; but they are mistaken. It’s at times like these you need all the support you can get.


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## AgathaC

I think that this is a personal decision and would encourage you to do what feels right to you whether this is to send cards or not. When I was in this situation some years ago, I did not send any cards the first Christmas after my bereavement. This was my personal decision, I was not aware of whether there was a 'custom' or not. I received cards which I appreciated. I always make a special effort towards somebody who is going through that 'first Christmas' to send them a special card, and write a note to let them know that I am thinking of them. It is a milestone for the bereaved family and as there is such an emphasis on Christmas being a family time it can be very difficult.


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## Hoagy

OK, thanks for all the replies.


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## speirbhean

It's definitely an Irish tradition not to send cards after a bereavement - in our case the death was in November and we didn't send cards although we did get some and didn't mind either way. It's probably a generational thing - I'd be talking about my parents' generation anyway.


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## Gypsy13

Hoagy said:


> OK, thanks for all the replies.


 Same here, we did not send out cards on the Christmas after our parents' deaths, however we did receive lots of 'Thinking of You' cards. We appreciated them so much and now do the same in the case of other folks' bereavement.

Your Christmas will be lonely but I hope it will be one filled with good memories... that's a great healer.


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