# Thinking of becoming a stay at home mam.



## milly123 (6 Mar 2008)

Age: 27
Spouse’s/Partner's age: 28

Annual gross income from employment or profession: 35K
Annual gross income spouse:45K

Type of employment: e.g. Civil Servant, self-employed     (both) I.T. private sector

Expenditure pattern: In general are you spending more than you earn or are you saving?  normally no,  but on maternity leave at the moment, so yes.

Rough estimate of value of home  430K
Mortgage on home 240 K
Mortgage provider: AIB
Type of mortgage: Tracker, interest only, fixed rate   LTV 50 - 80%
Interest rate  4.6%

Other borrowings – car loans/personal loans etc  No

Do you pay off your full credit card balance each month?  Yes
If not, what is the balance on your credit card?  Zero

Savings and investments:  AIB 18K, Anglo 13K, C.U.  1.5K

Do you have a pension scheme?   yes - hubby doesn't

Do you own any investment or other property? No

Ages of children:  1 and 3 months

Life insurance: 300K joint cover


*What specific question do you have or what issues are of concern to you?   *

*I want to give up full time work and stay at home to raise my children.  I have been working towards this for the last 18 months clearing loans, building up savings etc.   I have a good job and its fairly secure so I am nervous about giving it up especially when so many of our friends are losing their jobs at the moment.  *

*Should I bite the  bullet and give it up now, or should I work away with a view to giving it up when they start school and working becomes more difficult because of school runs etc.  If i were to stay working , creche fees will cost 310euro per week for the children.*

*Any opinions/advice?*

*Thank you in advance  for replying*


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## Diziet (7 Mar 2008)

I personally found that a parent at home becomes more important (in practical terms) when children go to school as there is more flexibility required. Also, neither you nor your partner are on particularly high salaries at the moment, although no doubt these will go up - if you are spending all that comes in now that you are on maternity leave, how will you fare on one salary?

But quality of life comes in too - if you have a long commute and work long hours, then the situation is different and the balance would shift towards giving up work. 

Think also about long term career plans - would you want to get back into the workforce at some point? When would that be? Would your skill be up to date or would you want to change careers at that point? Can you go part time at your current job so you have a bit of both world? Can both you and your partner go part time? That's an alternative that works well for some people. Or you can make use of parental leave for a while for both of you if your employer allows you to take it as a couple of days per week.

Just some ideas. Well done on the savings front - you are doing very well.

cheers,
Diziet


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## doll (7 Mar 2008)

i am in the same position as you less the better wages, my husband is only on 32K and me about same, i have a six month old and have decided to give up work, to stay at home with my daughter 

i have taken exams etc so i always have this and experience in financial services to fall back on should i need a job in the future at any time, at the moment i couldn't bear to leave my daughter for the sake of coming home with very little extra money as all would go on creche i dont think its worth what you are left with, but i will easily get a job similar to what i have, if your job is a particulary good one it would be a tough call to make...

my daughter goes to bed at 7pm and sleeps through, so if i only got home from work at 6 or 6.15 i'm only spending 45 mins a day with her max, which i personally couldn't do, i know you have the weekends but i dunno.... life goes quick enough as it is..

 i am on my unpaid leave and we have no loans except mortgage and we find it great, you just have to budget well, but you can still live withing your means and enjoy life with your kids, it just takes a bit of adjusting i think.. if you've already paid off loans etc thats great..

the one thing i remember about being a kid is that my mum was always there for me when i came home from school etc, i'm just worried that its only in the last so many years that kids are going to creches for most days of the week etc, what effect if any does this have on them? my girl is so placid i would hate to think that she would have to be crying to get any attention etc.... (not saying this would happen!!!!) 

if your good with your money you shouldn't have a problem, i would say you could you could make it work on your wages...,  its a very personal choice to make so i wish you luck whatever you decide, there's no right or wrong on this one....


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## Purple (7 Mar 2008)

OP, as a civil servant can you take a career break? Can you continue your other job?


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## gianni (7 Mar 2008)

Diziet said:


> Also, neither you nor your partner are on particularly high salaries at the moment


 


I guess it's relative but I thought they were pretty decent salaries...!


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## Mpsox (7 Mar 2008)

If you can take a career break, I'd suggest go for it, it gives you some options if you decide to return to work

You need to contemplate your tax options as well, your husband should be able to claim your tax credits and reduce the amount of tax deducted from his salary

given your new income, you should also look to see what other benifits you may be entitled to such as medical cards


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## emnc (7 Mar 2008)

MILLY, as a stay-at-home-Mum myself of a 4, 7 and 15 yr old!! Here's my tuppence worth!!

 I worked full-time until my eldest was 7 (an only-child) but left the rat-race as my Career was taking over, I had only 1 child by then but rarely saw him. I was in the fortunate position to have a great lady come to our house and mind him. so there was no 'taking him out of bed early' in the morning etc. But 8 yrs ago childcare cost were'nt the same as today and it was more the norm to have a second 'Mum' mind your kids. 

I  changed my view about WHATS IMPORTANT in life by giving up work & a large salary, as I could see how fast my first child grew up. Soon Child no 2 and 3 were born. My attitude has always been that Lifes too short. I missed my eldest early-years and regret it BUT Im making up for it  now at the teenage stage thats so critical. 

Regarding the money, you have to change your spending habits but I found that working Full-Time meant I spent a fortune. I was always treating my son out of guilt for NOT spending time with him! I was spending MORE on convenience foods as you come in LATE from work.  Now I shop happily in Aldi, bargain hunt like mad, home-cook, grow vegetables and repair & alter clothes!! Im proud to BE THERE when my kids come from school. Im proud to be the 1 (+Dad) responsible for them 24/7. After all, having kids is a HUGE RESPONSIBILITY and the REARING of them should lie with the PARENTS not STRANGERS. (I apologise if Im getting too dogmatic or opinionated! but I did stress at the out set that this is my Personal experience)

I think its strange that people dont view staying at home as a valid Career choice too, and put  a value on it as a job. I know I'd be working fulltime to pay a Childminders/afterschool care to mind my 3 children.

Also I know that I can return to work when the kids are older. I did a degree (parttime at night) while my last two were young, its great going back to College when your mature, and educations never lost. In my Ideal world, I'd have a fabulous job in the MORNING from 9am -1.30pm and then collect the kids from school and start my second job!

Milly, I wish you the best of luck in your decision. What ever one you make will be the right one for you at the present time, Hindsights a great thing!


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## liaconn (10 Mar 2008)

As a civil servant you could opt to go on a 3 day week, work week on week off, mornings only etc. If you're a bit nervous about giving up a fulltime salary, you could try parttime for a while, see how that goes and then decide.


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## milly123 (11 Mar 2008)

Hi everyone, thank you all for replying, you have given me alot to think about.  Unfortunatley, a career break isn't an option, neither is part time in my  present job.....  still undecided, one day i'm all for it and the next i'm not.....     I'm sure i could cut back enough to make it work on one income just a matter of deciding once and for all....

thanks again


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## doll (11 Mar 2008)

no problem, good luck with everything.....


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## Darealdeal (12 Mar 2008)

Hi Milly,
There is a definate answer here. It will take a bit of work getting to it. Work out the following (on a individual basis):-
You & Your partners Exact Figuers

Income
Expenditure (All moneys spent per month).
Money Saved per month.
Assets.
Liabilities.
The Cost of Going to work for each of you.
Get your own exact financial picture to start with.


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## milly123 (13 Mar 2008)

Thanks D will work it out,


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## Complainer (16 Mar 2008)

liaconn said:


> As a civil servant you could opt to go on a 3 day week, work week on week off, mornings only etc. If you're a bit nervous about giving up a fulltime salary, you could try parttime for a while, see how that goes and then decide.



There is no absolute entitlement to part-time working in the civil service. It depends on your current role/department/manager's view etc. There is no harm in asking, but you might get a refusal.


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## michaelm (16 Mar 2008)

milly123 said:


> ..... I'm sure i could cut back enough to make it work on one income just a matter of deciding once and for all...


Becoming single-income was one of the best decisions we ever made.  I'm only sorry I didn't make the numbers fit sooner, our first two were just 2 and 6 months when we did it.  It really improved the quality of all our lives.  I feel sorry for those with young children who must remain double-income just to survive; and those with young children who are double-income, but don't need to be, are IMHO making a mistake.  I reckon you should crunch the numbers, make what lifestyle adjustments are required and do it.  Best of luck.


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## paddyodoors (27 Mar 2008)

Hi

I was just wondering if you have looked at the tax benefits of transferring your allowance to your spouse?

Your hubby could gain an extra few hundred a month from that possibly?

Not sure but there could also be extra credits for staying at home like the home carers allowance?

Paddy


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## Andy_and_lou (28 Mar 2008)

doll, can you let us know your secret on living on 32000?  any tips welcome


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## Fauve (4 Apr 2008)

Hi Milly
Good luck with your decision.
I did it myself some years ago and can safely say I am sure I did the right thing.
What I have learned is that "you cut your cloth" as they say.
We learned to live within our means and it wasn't that difficult.
I also believe I would have to spend to work (clothes, petrol, quickfoods etc etc).
When you are at home fulltime you live a different life, and all the skills normally poured into working life get utilised in a different way, imo.
It's the uncertainty that is difficult I think but for me I knew I just couldn't be away from my little baby boy.
Nothing is forever, (including those precious children).
Best of luck
Fauve


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## theoneill (4 Apr 2008)

When our son was born my partner opted to stay at home. In the event we took a massive income hit and had to sell the second car as well as adjust our lifestyle. However it was and still remains the best decision we ever made, our son always has somebody around, he gets to go places (parks / zoo / beach / shops) with his mum during the week something he’d never be able to do if we were both working. She on the other hand has become expert at budgeting and I find that we are actually saving more money than when we were on two incomes. We used to haemorrhage money, spending it on stuff we really didn’t need.
As parents we do not suffer from the crèche guilt that many parents have, we do not spoil our son and he knows he can’t get away with tantrums to get his own way. I would agree that life is way to short to waste away rushing to and from work to earn money for stuff you don’t need for a child that never sees you.

Just to finish up on a personal note, my overriding childhood memories are of knowing that my mother and father were always there for me and of visiting exciting places with them, not of the toy shop to get something new. Also when my father retired he told me he should have gone years earlier and that if he could go back he would have spent less time in work and more at home.

Remember your family are the most important things in your life not your job if you can make the numbers work by sacrificing the stuff you don’t need it should be a no brainier.


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## Mpsox (4 Apr 2008)

interesting comments from theoneill, my wife has done exactly the same thing and I agree, we are actually saving money as a large chunk of the coffees/sandwiches and daily commutes have gone, and our 13 month smallie can sleep until 9am if she wants to


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## Perplexed (4 Apr 2008)

Milly can I just give you another perspective?

I'm at the stage where my children are reared - well almost as my last guy is doing his finals this year.

I quit working for 15yrs to rear my children. It was more common then & possibly an easier decision as affluence was rare so you didn't feel deprived of life's luxuries.

Only recently my eldest son has said to me that he's very glad I was home for him &  doesn't feel we'd have the same close relationship if I hadn't been there for his childhood. I thought it would be years - if ever - before I'd hear a comment like that!


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## doll (5 Apr 2008)

Andy and Lou, we budget very well, we save all our childrens allowance and put this in the credit union for when we need it, which in my case is at the moment doing the house up!
Once your mortgage is paid, and you put money aside for bills etc, you just divide the rest on shopping and luxury's....
Saying that with a 7 month old, we aren't going out too much lately you can imagine:L
We own our car outright and have no other bills except mortgage and a small top up loan... no creidt cards or anything, otherwise i'm sure i wouldn't be able to help myself


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## solidrockman (9 Apr 2008)

We had problems conceiving a child and my wife and me promised ourselves that if it ever happened she would quit work to look after it. Well it did happen (followed by two more later!), and she did quit employment. 

Over the years it has cost us untold thousands, but the compensations are enormous. It's a decision we never once regretted. I know many can't afford it but in my view if you can, do it.


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## doll (10 Apr 2008)

Andy and Lou, we budget and budget, we have no loans except mortgage, own our car outright, don't smoke, you just have to be strict enough with what you spend your money on, its only now we are budgeting that i realise all the money i actually wasted when i was working....
i would suggest clearing as much loans as possible, and just be sensible with your money, do a budget and put what you have left into the credit union or a savings account,


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