# Child Maintenance for my partners child.



## Jan07

I'm looking for a bit of advice on a current situation involving child maintenance for my partner's child. 

He is currently paying maintenance of €300/month (not by court order) to the mother of his child and has been paying this for a few of years. 

My partner has regular contact, the child is as much a part of our lives as the mothers and we see the child regularly 3-4 nights/days a week including the weekends, and arrangements are relatively amicable. 

The mother is in a steady relationship and has house/mortgage/part-time job/other child with her partner. 

We a starting to feel like this might be an excessive amount to pay monthly considering the situation. Also, as far as we know no money has been put aside for the child's future by the mother i.e for college funds etc. This is something we would like to set up ourselves but feel that combined with maintenance payments it is too much.Also the mother has made comments about how the money is to be used to pay car tax, deposits on furniture, etc in the past: which I think is a unacceptable considering that maintenance is for the child and not her (letting off steam here). 

We have a mortgage, bills to be paid and are engaged to be married. Also my partner has just started a new job and we think now is the time to review the situation. We have not sought any legal advice as of yet, but we are aware at present that my partner seems to have *no rights* to his child.

Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

Thanks.


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## fobs

*Re: Child Maintenance*

300 a month seems very little to me to support a chil as if you break this down it is 300*12/52 = 69 odd euro a week. This would not go too far in paying for necessities like clothes,shoes etc... even if the mother were to contribute another 69 euro herself to match this can't see much room for saving for college her out of this.
Seems to me that your partner has been happily paying this but now your own family circumstances are about tochange and so want to change the amount paid. Maybe this is a high amount for maintenace (never been in this situation) but having two kids can see how much money they cost per week to feed,clothe etc.. 300 a month seems to be modest (again depends on what % this is of your partners take home pay)
Think how the mother of the child manages their finances is irrelevant to the question of how much maintenance should be paid.


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## ClubMan

*Re: Child Maintenance*

Have you checked _CitizensInformation.ie_ for possibly relevant info?

[broken link removed]    [broken link removed]

www.rollercoaster.ie might be another site worth checking for comments.


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## Jan07

*Re: Child Maintenance*

Thanks for your advice.

I do see your point on the breakdown, but I think if my partner and myself are actually "maintaining" the child from week to week, due to the regular contact as well as the mother. Also, I don't think clothing and necesseties add to this amount on a week to week basis? However, I know there is no set cost for a child per week. Also the age of a child needs to be taken into account. We do provide for the child i.e. outings, holidays, christmas and we do not wish to change this. This is not a personal attack on the mother either, but we do not wish to know what she intends to use the money for if it is not in relation to the child. To me, this is quite disrespectful to my partner. I know there is no set answer or solution, but I can't help feeling that some mother's benefit more than others in these situations, and I feel that some complications may arise in the future if this is not sorted i.e. when we marry and/or have kids of our own. My partner is honest, hardworking and most of all a wonderful Dad..and he doesn't get paid by anyone for doing that.



fobs said:


> 300 a month seems very little to me to support a chil as if you break this down it is 300*12/52 = 69 odd euro a week. This would not go too far in paying for necessities like clothes,shoes etc... even if the mother were to contribute another 69 euro herself to match this can't see much room for saving for college her out of this.
> Seems to me that your partner has been happily paying this but now your own family circumstances are about tochange and so want to change the amount paid. Maybe this is a high amount for maintenace (never been in this situation) but having two kids can see how much money they cost per week to feed,clothe etc.. 300 a month seems to be modest (again depends on what % this is of your partners take home pay)
> Think how the mother of the child manages their finances is irrelevant to the question of how much maintenance should be paid.


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## holly

*Re: Child Maintenance*

I agree that 300 euro a month seems very little – and no increase for a few years? My DP pays a huge amount more than that for his children and it is increased by rate of inflation every year – and we don’t complain about it. If you go to court you may find that the judge awards the child’s mother a big increase. It is certainly tactless of the ex to tell you what she spends the money on but that’s really none of your business. I presume the child is driven in the car and uses the furniture??? Be honest and fair -  sit down and work out what it costs to run a home, a car, clothe, feed and educate a child and you will realise that you are doing well. And your dp’s ex is not getting “paid” to be a mother – your dp is simply handing over his share for the child that he helped create. 

If you are truly concerned about the future college expenses and not just your change in lifestyle – then your dp should sit down and have a friendly chat with his ex and come up with a solution. Perhaps she would agree to forego an increase in the maintenance in order for your dp to put aside some money or maybe she would agree to a joint savings plan. If everything is amicable, it would be a shame to upset things now.


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## ClubMan

*Re: Child Maintenance*



Jan07 said:


> My partner is honest, hardworking and most of all a wonderful Dad..and he doesn't get paid by anyone for doing that.


Are you saying that he works for nothing?


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## Jan07

*Re: Child Maintenance*

No..misquoting there.  He doesn't get paid any extra for being a father.



ClubMan said:


> Are you saying that he works for nothing?


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## johndoe64

*Re: Child Maintenance*



Jan07 said:


> No..misquoting there. He doesn't get paid any extra for being a father.


 
neither do the rest of us.


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## Jan07

*Re: Child Maintenance*

Starting to think this looks like we're being scabby. Sorry if my writing skills are not the best! I have heard of people paying less for maintenance and who's to say the mother wouldn't end up with less instead of more if we went to court. Of course the childs best interests are our concern. The child has two good homes and wants for nothing and I do feel it is my business when my partner and I are affected by certain issues. The child also sits on our furniture and is driven in our car if you want to put it like that. We are indeed "sharing" the costs per week anyway, maintenance aside. "Handing over his share" as you put it, makes it sound like he owes the mother something for having a child together, yet all responsibilities for that child are shared between the two. Maybe 300 euro isn't excessive for maintenance thats why I'm asking other peoples opinions. I agree with you that this may upset the situation. My partner is not the fighting type and a lot of the time the mother "gets her own way" because of this. Sometimes I just think he doesn't get the respect he deserves. I am of course concerned about the child's future. I am also concerned formy/our future, and I don't think that's something to be ashamed of or be made feel guilty about.

Thanks for sharing your situation/advice with me.



holly said:


> I agree that 300 euro a month seems very little – and no increase for a few years? My DP pays a huge amount more than that for his children and it is increased by rate of inflation every year – and we don’t complain about it. If you go to court you may find that the judge awards the child’s mother a big increase. It is certainly tactless of the ex to tell you what she spends the money on but that’s really none of your business. I presume the child is driven in the car and uses the furniture??? Be honest and fair - sit down and work out what it costs to run a home, a car, clothe, feed and educate a child and you will realise that you are doing well. And your dp’s ex is not getting “paid” to be a mother – your dp is simply handing over his share for the child that he helped create.
> 
> If you are truly concerned about the future college expenses and not just your change in lifestyle – then your dp should sit down and have a friendly chat with his ex and come up with a solution. Perhaps she would agree to forego an increase in the maintenance in order for your dp to put aside some money or maybe she would agree to a joint savings plan. If everything is amicable, it would be a shame to upset things now.


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## Jan07

*Re: Child Maintenance*

But mother's do and that's the law!



johndoe64 said:


> neither do the rest of us.


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## johndoe64

*Re: Child Maintenance*



Jan07 said:


> But mother's do and that's the law!


 
I believe it's called child support not payment for being a mother.


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## Jan07

*Re: Child Maintenance*

I can see how the law will stay the way it is. Your obviously in the fathers deserve no rights corner.



johndoe64 said:


> I believe it's called child support not payment for being a mother.


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## ClubMan

*Re: Child Maintenance*

Well it is interesting that the state is very reluctant to pay things like _CB _and _Early Childcare Supplement _to the father rather than the mother unless you go to special lengths to get them to do this!


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## Jan07

*Re: Child Maintenance*

Yeh,

Its probably based on statistics and I have to agree that there are a lot of reasons why not to give it to the father. I think every situation is unique and I have witnessed both sides of this situation as I have friends/mother's in similar circumstances. I am pleased to get the different views. Although, I am surprised to see how people see the mother as the vulnerable party when this is not always the case. I expected some mixed feedback-lesson to be learned there. I suppose you don't really know what its like until you're in the situation yourself and I don't know how the state could review all these situations individually and be successful in doing so. So far from the advice, I think we'll grin and bare it. Things could be a lot worse.



ClubMan said:


> Well it is interesting that the state is very reluctant to pay things like _CB _and _Early Childcare Supplement _to the father rather than the mother unless you go to special lengths to get them to do this!


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## ClubMan

*Re: Child Maintenance*



Jan07 said:


> Its probably based on statistics


What specific statistics?


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## Jan07

*Re: Child Maintenance*

I don't know of any specific statistics, do you?  Maybe I can be enlightened. I'm sure there has to be some basis/research done for the law involving child support. 



ClubMan said:


> What specific statistics?


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## johndoe64

*Re: Child Maintenance*



Jan07 said:


> I can see how the law will stay the way it is. Your obviously in the fathers deserve no rights corner.


 
How do you make this out? 

I am making the point that neither the mother or the father get paid extra for being a parent.



Jan07 said:


> He doesn't get paid any extra for being a father.



If the father has to make a payment to the mother it is for the childs support.

I believe that both parents should have rights to their children under the law, something that is lacking at the moment.


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## orka

*Re: Child Maintenance*

Jan07, can you give us a rough idea of your partner's monthly income as it is hard to judge whether €300 per month is excessive or not without knowing this - if he is on minimum wage, €300 is a huge amount but if he's on €250,000, €300 would seem a bit on the light side! I understand what you're saying that the maintenance is effectively twice €69 per week because the child spends half her time being fed/housed by you but for an average child, €300 per month really doesn't go very far when you consider clothes, school books, activities etc. 
I think your partner is very lucky that he has so much and such close contact with his child - I know a guy who desperately want to spend more time with his children and the mother blocks him at every turn (AND he has to pay a big whack of court-ordered maintenance). It obviously depends on the relationship but any attempt to reduce the maintenance may sour things with the mother and result in less access and having to go down the legal route which may swallow up several years worth of maintenance payments.


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## purplealien

*Re: Child Maintenance*

Jan  - it's a shame to see you being attacked for asking a simple question.
My husband has a child with another woman also. He pays €300 a month too. We also tried to get this reduced when i had my second child. It didnt seem fair that we should be paying this when we didnt spend this amount on our own children a week. We went to our solicitor but he said that we would not be able to get a reduction. The thing is we wouldnt mind if the money was actually going to the child instead of the mothers boozy nights out! ( Wait for everybody to attack!) The mother used to dress the child in clothes that were 1 - 2 years too small for him so we started buying clothes for him every week when we saw him. The next week she'd put on the same clothes forcing us to buy more for him. This went on for months until our solicitor told us to stop doing this as she was only using us.
Cant stand the way everybody always stands up for the single mother. Alot of them are bitter and twisted! The majority are fine but people need to realise there are some that are not.
Anyway Jan, to answer your question, i dont think you'll be able to get it reduced.


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## ClubMan

*Re: Child Maintenance*



Jan07 said:


> I don't know of any specific statistics, do you?  Maybe I can be enlightened. I'm sure there has to be some basis/research done for the law involving child support.


Sorry - I just assumed that since you were the one who mentioned statistics that you were aware of some that were relevant.


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## Jan07

*Re: Child Maintenance*

Hi Orka,

To answer your question on income, my partner is earning, in his new job, about 500 euro a week gross. He had 2 jobs before this one, but with no stability. So we think we're slightly better off, even if wages are slightly less because his income is regular now. How you assess whether 300 euro maintenance is enough/too little with this amount of pay I don't know. We have a mortgage €1200/month, we don't go out a lot (actually mostly when its required of us), we have bills as well, and we're getting married next year. I'm not saying we're stuck for money but we're not flash.

If I put the situation another way. Say my partner decided to work part-time, and I was the main bread winner and earned a substantial amount using 250,000 as an exaggeration (I do currently earn more than my partner, so I won't be working part time anytime soon). On paper he wouldn't be earning a lot and therefore he would possibly pay less maintenance?, or, would my situation have to be taking into account although the child in question is not my responsibility (legally)? Would you think it fair on the mother that the father would be living the high life and the maintenance be less? Then, what if we consider the mother's situation at present. If she is to work part time and her partner whom she has a mortgage/child with is the main bread winner and is coming in with a substantial sum. I don't think her partner's income would be taken into account when assessing child maintenance payments? Maybe I'm totally wrong here. Things aren't always black and white and while it is reasonable to assess maintenance on my partner's income it doesn't always make sense. Also, how much does a child cost?? If a father earns more money and has a successful job and is in this situation, does this mean that the cost of living for the child is increased?? Does the child need more clothes, more toys, more food because of this? Of course, you can buy extra nice things etc etc. but where do you draw the line on what you hand over in maintenance.



orka said:


> Jan07, can you give us a rough idea of your partner's monthly income as it is hard to judge whether €300 per month is excessive or not without knowing this - if he is on minimum wage, €300 is a huge amount but if he's on €250,000, €300 would seem a bit on the light side! I


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## Jan07

*Re: Child Maintenance*

Thanks for your reply!  I don't feel so much the wicked stepmother now!  I expect somebody to attack your response after the boozy nights comment!  But I have heard this to be the case in many circumstances, not that everyone doesn't deserve an night out, but you have to draw the line somewhere!  I don't think we'll be seeking legal advice now.  To be honest I don't think I could hack it and its not worth it.  It'll take a lot to change the system..and I don't think a small group of stepmothers would make a huge difference, I think we've already got a bad name!!  

I hope you're very happy otherwise.  



purplealien said:


> Jan - it's a shame to see you being attacked for asking a simple question.
> The thing is we wouldnt mind if the money was actually going to the child instead of the mothers boozy nights out! ( Wait for everybody to attack!)
> Cant stand the way everybody always stands up for the single mother. Alot of them are bitter and twisted! The majority are fine but people need to realise there are some that are not.
> Anyway Jan, to answer your question, i dont think you'll be able to get it reduced.


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## Sophia2457

*Re: Child Maintenance*

Jan07
You have my sympathy too - close relation of mine is in this situation and he pays €400 per month for the child plus half of all doctor's,dentist's etc bills and school books and trips. Mother works full-time and he buys the child lots of clothes and stuff when she's with them. Plus top up her mobile, pays for concerts..list is endless. The mother wanted more and sent solicitor's letters to that effect. He took advice and wrote back that they would take it to be officially settled in court as this all only started after he married. There's been no response to this for a couple of months. Mother is very bitter about marriage even tho they havent been together for years and launched all this after the couple took the child on a 2 week sun holiday.
They're hoping she'll drop it as they're to the pin of their collar financially as it is, so I can understand your worries. Solicitor did tell him that the courts would not reduce payments unless he lost his job.
Best of luck and don't mind the naysayers..you're right to look out for yourselves as well as the child.


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## resting

*Re: Child Maintenance*

€75 p/w is the recommended minimum payment, so €300 pm seems fair enough.   I have an interest in hearing from the other side (as it were) to see if I can come to terms with what I can only call my total loss of faith in the justice system after a bewildering day in court.  After 8 years of separation I finally got the courage to bring my ex husband to court to get support for my two children.  Tough day to say the least. I'm raging with the system, and have since met many women that have had a raw deal also.  Our experience is a far cry from what is generally reflected in the media as the bitter rantings of some fathers seem to take centre stage.  Seems to me that appeasment to this group is being reflected in the unfair judgements and our children are all the poorer for it.


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## Seanies32

*Re: Child Maintenance*

I think alot of people are getting wrapped up in the fathers rights and single mother camps here. This can become very emotional on both. There's loads of bad father's out there and loads of bad mums but most are trying to do their best. Unfortunately the Courts do have there place especially in your case resting but from experience they make often amicable relationships worse. It's the them and us mentality which even comes across on this thread. I know a few single parents who get very little and the father isn't really involved and that's the fathers loss.  My side is that I'm a single dad who pays €450 per month maintenance. I never had a problem paying this even before it was agreed in court. On the Father's side it is unfair that all unmarried fathers have no rights at all to there child(ren). No guardianship, access, joint custody etc. You have to go to court to get them. My view is that they should be awarded automatically and then if the Dad is useless removed by the court, not the other way round. Innocent until proven guilty!  Resting - I sympathise with u. Just shows u that there is useless Dads again which undermines my argument. I understand ur anger but remember the decent Dads shouldn't pay for others mistakes. Fathers rights is getting more publicity but nothing has changed in the 10 years or so regarding our rights. Treoir, a single parents group has been looking for a guardianship register for years and they haven't even given us that. McDowell said he didn't see the point, but then again why not?  Jan07 - Your partner is responsible. Paying €75 p.w and maintaining the child 1/2 the week. The most the court will award is €150 p.w. per child(don't shoot the messenger) so thats not unreasonable. Maybe u should look for maintenance of the mother for your 1/2 week! Ouch! Only joking. Just trying to make the point that u have 1/2 week as well. He should apply for guardianship and probably joint custody in ur case.Tho probably the mother will then look for extra maintenance. The them and us mentality again.  Ignore the comments about how she spends the money. God forbid you question that! The way I look at it if the child is being cared for well during the week it doesn't matter if she goes for a weekend away with the maintenance it's still paying for the child during the week. Rise above the pettiness! U point out the inequalities well too. If u or ur partner are on €250,000 the max is €150. If you are on that money does it cost any extra to maintain a child?  Purplealien - Have got that old clothes trick myself. Just keep some new ones with you and send the old ones back. Sad! tho.  On the CB thing it's amazing how even if the father has custody of the children how difficult it is to get the state to change things. Could go on forever on this thread but there was a tax case from the UK in the EU court of Human rights recently that ruled that unmarried fathers who pay maintenance and have access to their children should be treated the same as seperated married fathers. Basically they were in the same situation and as the marriage had ended why should the married father be treated differently? There is plenty of EU Law on this but nothing ever seems to be enacted in Ireland


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## Welfarite

*Re: Child Maintenance*

I have looked hard at the original post, to try and get back to what this is about: The welfare of the child. How much is paid, what should be paid, etc., etc., is irrelevant. This cjhild is luckier than a lot of other kids in that it seems to have two happy, stable households in it's life adn the maintenance of that is paramount, IMHO. It would be a shame to destroy all this, which getting into a row as a result over how much to pay in maintenance.


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## dunn

*Re: Child Maintenance*

Also looking at the original post. The child maintenance is paid voluntary, so as it is not under a court order. Therefore I presume you could write to the wife and say you are intending to reduce it given the changed circumstances and the fact that the child is now spending more time with you and see what happens.
I would be interesting to know how circumstances have changed in the intervening months.


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## homeowner

*Re: Child Maintenance*

You are paying €300 per month but the child stays with you for half the week and you contribute extra for extra things like clothes, school etc....  The mother presumably pays for things for the child too.  So she maintains that it takes over €600 per month to keep the child?  €300 from you presumably is half the cost.  That seems excessive to me.  

Since you are paying for everything during the days the child is with you per week why do you have to pay anything for food or daily expenses while the child is with her?  She works and is able to keep a house so why should the father be shouldering the lion's share of the burden.  Surely half the money towards medical expenses, school, holidays etc.. is reasonable but I dont see why you should be paying for everything.  

Can you sit down with the mother and work out what a  month's typical expenses are are excluding food and things that you are already providing when the child is with you?  Then agree to pay half or two thirds of the remainder?


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## Trish07

*Re: Child Maintenance*

Jan07,
I think you should take homeowners advice, you need to sit down together and discuss this. If the child is spending equal amounts of time in each house then you can disregard, esb,food,heating,mortgage,cars. Its only the stuff like clothes,shoes,school,toys etc that should be counted for. Things that relate specifically for the child including health and money put aside for education.   I can totally see jan07 where you are coming from when the childs mother makes you feel like you are paying her. I would definitely see about getting guardianship rights for your dp first.


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## MaidMarion

*Re: Child Maintenance*

I totally understand your frustration about partners paying maintenance. My partner pays E80 per week and his ex has very little involvment with the child. His mother looks after the child mostly, buys her everything she needs and wants. He would love to pay this maintenance to his mother rather than his ex as she goes bingo 3 nights a weeks and up to the birth of her 3rd child she went out 2-3 nights a week too. The child never spends a full day with her 2 half brothers (from her mother). The mother never ever buys her clothes and has never brought her on a holiday and i can only re-call one outing. The list is endless. Because she has the child 3 nights most weeks (even if not during the day), this means the child is resident here and she can get her benefits and maintenance irrespective of who is actually minding the child. I know my partners mother should seek custody or similar but she is old fashioned and thinks courts would disgrace the family. The child's best interests im afraid are not priority. However, back to the point, i dont think this mother deserves the maintenace as the money is clearly not being spent on the child or needs of the child. My sympathy is with the children but i do understand your position Jan07.


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## what to do

*Re: Child Maintenance*

hi there, 

I just want to get some opinion regarding my situation. I am currently paying €300 per month child maintenance for my son 4 who is living abroad with his mother. 

To be honest the whole thing is getting ridiculous as i never get to see him, his mom feels that he will get confused if we meet. We were work colleagues and we were never actually together as a couple. 

I would be interested in your opinions.


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## Dachshund

*Re: Child Maintenance*

The Courts Service employed Dr. Carol Coulter to produce a series of reports on family law in Ireland. All family law is in camera and the results are not usually made public therefore it can be difficult to get any statistics. 

The reports that Dr. Coulter produced give a snapshot of family law matters in Ireland over the last year and make for very interesting reading.

In particular the [broken link removed]deals with issues of child maintenance. Pages 36 -38 are particularly useful. This is just a sample of some cases in Cork last year.

The reports are not difficult to read and give examples of anonymised situations. I would recommend them for anyone who wants to get an idea of what Family law is like in Ireland.


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## Stifster

*Re: Child Maintenance*



what to do said:


> hi there,
> 
> I just want to get some opinion regarding my situation. I am currently paying €300 per month child maintenance for my son 4 who is living abroad with his mother.
> 
> To be honest the whole thing is getting ridiculous as i never get to see him, his mom feels that he will get confused if we meet. We were work colleagues and we were never actually together as a couple.
> 
> I would be interested in your opinions.


 
Miantenance and access are separate issues but I sympathise with you and the child. 

Is the mother in another relationship? Is that why the child might be confused?

It is your duty to help maintain your child, of course you should also see him but the logitical problems are there.

I have a mate who has a daughter though a similar not particulalry romantic entanglement, fortunately the child is still in Ireland albeit on the otehr side of the country. He drives down two or three saturdays every month to see her. It is tough on him but at least the kid calls him daddy.


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## Margie

*Re: Child Maintenance*

I think the best thing to do is to continue giving the €300 per month.  children definitely cost more than this amount - food, clothes, schooling, medical expenses, entertainment, hobbies etc.

The best interests of the child should be at heart always and if the child is well looked after and wants for nothing this is the most important thing.  I woudn't dream of getting solicitors involved.  This will end up in a big fall out and then the child will suffer.


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## frany

*Re: Child Maintenance*




Margie said:


> I think the best thing to do is to continue giving the €300 per month. children definitely cost more than this amount - food, clothes, schooling, medical expenses, entertainment, hobbies etc.





Margie said:


> The best interests of the child should be at heart always and if the child is well looked after and wants for nothing this is the most important thing. I wouldn’t dream of getting solicitors involved. This will end up in a big fall out and then the child will suffer.




Margie, I think you are absolutely right, 300€ is very little and is not just about the child clothing etc, is also about the living situation, how easy they live the separation or the fights, rent are expensive here in Dublin, esb, gas, the petrol to bring them to school, sports and out and about.

If you follow the link:
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/birth-family-relationships/separation-and-divorce/maintenance_orders_and_agreements

Is stated that:

*If both parties agree, the amount of maintenance to be paid can be agreed between the parties. If the parties cannot agree on the amount of maintenance to be paid, it will be necessary to apply to the District or Circuit Court, depending on the amount of maintenance that is sought. *
*At present, the District Court can award any amount up to 500 euro per week for a spouse,* (not the case here I suppose)* and 150 euro per week for each child. If sums greater than these amounts are being sought, you will need to apply to the Circuit Court.* 

I have a 5 years old that goes to school and to the crèche because i work full time and the father never collects her or brings her to school.
We both don’t have families here in Dublin that means i have to do 95% for her, to him I ask only to pay the crèche so I can go to work and divide what i buy for her, cloths, shoes etc. 

Now he wants to put down the maintenance, can you explain me how will i be able to pay 1000€ rent, 760€ crèche, some food maybe? Some bills? Oh yes my job went down from 5 days to 3 so i lost one week wage... how do you expect a single mum to survive with 300 euro? 

I can always stop working and ask rent allowance, child maintenance, child benefits, school benefits, doll... NO, I have my pride... I’ll try my best to survive but i would go to court if i shouldn’t make it with what he has intention to give me.

I could rent a room in the house, the little money would give me some help, but I feel is not right to have a stranger around when i have a small child in the house, i do not think is healthy! 

My advice is: seat down, analyze all the expenses for the child, what the mother and the father put extra, and divide it equally between the two of them, and it doesn’t matter if they are married or not or have other children, if they can’t effort to have another child they shouldn’t have anymore. And if there is a 3rd person, maybe a financial adviser, would be better because they are neutral. The family planning office should be able to help you with that.

I use an excel sheet where i write all he gives me and all i give and at the end I try to make it balance! 
But it never really balance when we talk about the personal time spent with the child! 
And no, nobody pays us to be parents, is a delicate job that last forever!

Sorry if with this mine ill offend someone!


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## alaskaonline

*Re: Child Maintenance*

OP - did you state the age of the child or did i miss it? i have a two year old who has to go to creche in order for me to go to work and financially support us because we're one of them where the father doesn't pay. creche costs are very high - does the child go to creche? if yes, 300 will roughly cover a third of the actual creche fee. if the child goes to school - is it a public one or private one? books aren't cheap, neither are the school uniforms, normal clothes, food etc. if you actually sit down with your partner and just write down how much is spend on a weekly basis on the child (general costs) you will see that € 69 is really not much. as some people stated already here, the average maintanance these days is € 75.

also - this child is very lucky to have both parents who are obviously very commited to give him/ her a happy life regardless of the circumstances so unless you are threatened to lose your job, home, comfortable existence - dont decrease these € 69!


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## laineyt

*Re: Child Maintenance*

god how I wish I only had to pay €300 per month for my daughter as a single working mother I earn €500 per week and every penny i get goes on my daughter , crech , food, clothes, toys, outings not to mention paying rent and bills ,it has been 3 months since I have had a night out, my ex gets any access he wants to my daughter (which isnt much) and has never paid me a penny, its grate that Jan 07s partner recognises that he has to support his child and when they have one of their own they will realise that €70 a week does not go very far these days. I should know as i spend €500 every week on supporting my daughter


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## z104

*Re: Child Maintenance*

I believe 100 euro per week /433 per monthis the average of what a judge would award if you were to contest this. It looks like you are getting off lightly with 300 euro per month.


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## nonielove

*Re: Child Maintenance*

Hi. I understand where you are coming from. I have a daughter and am separated from her dad. I am getting 200 euro a month & half of her school costs as maintenance & I have 2 more children with my current partner. My daughters dad is fantastic, he looks after her well, takes her on weekends and holidays, things I cant afford to do for her and gives her the individual attention she deserves. 

However 200 euro isnt much each month, it is supposed to cover the childs precentage of rent/esb/heat/medical/food/clothes to mention just a few. I havent had a single week in the school year that I havent gotten a note home looking for money for something or other. You may have his child almost half the time but its his child not yours and I am afraid you are just going to have to butt out. My current partner and father of my two youngest doesnt get involved in the money/relationship issues between my eldest and her dad as its simply not his business, despite having a strong fatherly bond with my daughter and bringing her up like his own. 

This is one of those things I am afraid that comes with single parents, we do have baggage and complications, and it can make things tricky in new relationships but if you love your partner you are just going to have to keep out of his and his ex's business. I know it effects you, and it will effect your future together but you arent his daughters mum, you cant dictate where she spends her maintenance. If she needs furnature then she is entitled to spend it on furnature. Its tricky, and I know I'm not very articulate here. If I am honest I have to say I think anyone who helps raise somebodyelses child is amazing (yes you!) and if the shoe was on the other foot I dont know if I could do it.


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## mayoport

*any help please*

Hi, I hope someone might be able to help me. My daughter 13 nearly 14, her father has been paying maintenance since she was 6 through a court order. He has since been married and has four other children. The order has never been reviewed, and it is causes alot of tension. He pays 65 euro a week but never helps with any of the big expenses throughout the years. I have always worked and provided the best I can. I don;t think its fair that i should have to pay for everything. It doesnt even work out as ten euro a day. Anyone with children in secondary school know what i am talking about. My question is if i go to court is it likely that i will get any more or shud i just grin and bear it. He is a very difficult man to deal with and will make this as difficult as he can for me. Any advice is greatly appreciated .. thanks


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## alaskaonline

mayoport - 65 euro is really not ideal for a teenager but you stated he has four other kids, too which means he spends 325 Euro a week on kids maintenance (all kids should get equal amounts). 
how much money is he on? if he has a great job, anything above 100k then fair enough but if he is on the average salary (couldn't tell you what's average these days) - 325 Euro a week (1300/1625 a month) is a lot and I can't see how he can increase it. Plus, technically you're required to match this which would leave your daughter with 130 Euro a week (18 a day)


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## kim

Hi, Mayoport! 

I dont know if you will get anymore maintenence from him considering he has 4 other children that have to be looked after too, maybe you might be able to get him to go halves on school expenses that occur during the year, was it not stated in court at the time that he would have to pay towards school expenses? If not why dont you look for this to be included instead of looking for an increase in maintenence?

OP, 300 is very little compared to what some fathers pay, I know the situation as I am in it too, my partner has access to his son every second weekend he pays 100 per week (court order based on his wages of €500 per week 2 years ago) he also pays half of back to school expenses, luckily his wages has increased slightly since then and we have one other child and another on the way so we can cope paying that amount each week and dont see any point in going through the agro of going back to court etc etc.
 I think you should leave well enough alone, If you think ye are paying too much in maintenance then dont go overboard spending money on clothes or what ever else you do when ye have him/her, now dont get me wrong i'm not saying dont spend any money on the child. What ever the ex spends the maintenance on is her business as long as ye have proof your partner is paying maintenance. If you go to court your partner will no doubt end up paying more.


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## kim

' Plus, technically you're required to match this which would leave your daughter with 130 Euro a week (18 a day)  '

Alaskaonline

good point that is true not many seem to see it like that though.


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## dereko1969

The OP is from 3 years ago so not much point in addressing her post.


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## alaskaonline

dereko1969 said:


> The OP is from 3 years ago so not much point in addressing her post.


The OP's is but not mayoport


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## dereko1969

I should have quoted kim's text addressed to the OP, thought it was obvious.


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## Bcommercial

alaskaonline said:


> technically you're required to match this which would leave your daughter with 130 Euro a week (18 a day)



...plus don't forget the monthly €150 child benefit paid to the mother which often doesn't get mentioned, bringing that up to €165 a week.


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## kim

forgive me derek for getting it wrong and not looking at the original date!  still hopefully mayoport has benefited from some advice


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## Don_08

There is an excellent website www.solo.ie which sets out all legal and other information.  There is a spreadsheet you can download that captures all the associated costs with raising a child.  Intention is that child benefit is deducted from this and the remaining amount should be split between the two parents.

For the record my husband pays 105 a week towards the upkeep of his 10 year old daughter.  An original amount was agreed with the mother, not court ordered.  We have tended to increase it annually by 5 or 10 a week.


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## fizzelina

Your advice here is to use a child maintenance service that suits budget and need and your advice on this thread http://www.askaboutmoney.com/showthread.php?t=144555 is also There are many property dealing services which provides you with all types of property of your need and budget. 

Do you have any advice other than that? IMO these posts are not particularly helpful....


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## BOXtheFOX

kevinmeaney said:


> there are many child maintenance services available nowadays you cn easily get a good service that suits your budget and need.


 
What are you talking about Kevin?


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## ajapale

BOXtheFOX said:


> What are you talking about Kevin?



Troll posts deleted.


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## memubo

I have 2 teenagers who spend 12 days a month with my ex their dad.
He pays €400 a month to me and half back to school expenses.

I find it hard even with the CB added in.  He can afford to go out for meals and 3-4 foreign holidays a year.

I feel that €400 a month for the 2 is not enough, am I being unreasonable?


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## ohmy

*Child Maintenacne*

Apologies if I am somewhat changing the direction of the postings but I need advice/help.  I am an Irish citizen currently living in Ireland.  My ex wife is a US citizen and lives in the US with our son.  I returned to Ireland a few years ago simply because I had no choice.  I have never been issued with a court order for child maintenance but I now pay €125 per week voluntarily.  My take home pay is €650.  Out of that comes the aforementioned child maintenance, bank loans, utilities, car repayment etc. Last year I got divorced.  As I could not afford to travel to the US to contest the divorce it was uncontested.  I received documentation from the US courts outlining that I had to pay €150 per week and €40 per week in arrears of child maintenance, but I was never in arrears and I was never issued with any court order outlining what I had to pay and stating that it was obvious that I had never paid child maintenance which is a lie.  In the divorce issue I was never asked to provide information that I had/hadn't paid child maintenance. I recently received documentation that the state in which she lives have through the Hague convention and Irish courts come looking for over €36000 in owed child maintenance.  Despite Irish court orders I haven't seen my son in 4 years nor have I been allowed to talk to him on the phone. I cannot afford €190 pw on my earnings, I cannot afford to hire a solicitor so has anyone got any ideas??? Or are people of the opinion that I am a miserable so and so???


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## dereko1969

memubo said:


> I have 2 teenagers who spend 12 days a month with my ex their dad.
> *He pays €400 a month to me *and half back to school expenses.
> 
> I find it hard even with the CB added in. He can afford to go out for meals and 3-4 foreign holidays a year.
> 
> I feel that €400 a month for the 2 is not enough, am I being unreasonable?


 
He's actually paying the money for the children not as a payment to you. What he chooses to do with his own money is surely his own concern. 

Is the €400 set down as part of a court approved separation agreement?

I would have thought seeing as you have the kids for 60% of the month that the €400 is appropriate. That's nearly €700 on a pro-rata basis. 

Are you working?


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## alexandra123

300 euro a month seems fair. I think you might only get a reduction if you are unemployed.  It does not really matter what the mother spends the money on -as in the whole scheme of things it is all going towards the running costs of providing for a family - esb,gas,tv licence,rent, food etc. The mother's income and the extra money for the child total up and the mother then divies out what will be paid each week / month from the total monies coming into the household.  If the mother had to take the child to see the dentist and get a filling, no eyelids would be batted, if the said the money was coming out of her own income. 

If the father feels that he can no longer afford the upkeep of the payments, then the father should sit with the mother and explain the situation and see what she comes back with. 

If she declines and he wants to pursue futher then he would need to take it up with the courts. I have in a lot of cases where the mother gets awarded between 50 - 80 euro a week to support a child. 


It is great that the father supports the child and that you are both giving the child a great environment to grow up in.


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## Ann1

ohmy said:


> Apologies if I am somewhat changing the direction of the postings but I need advice/help.  I am an Irish citizen currently living in Ireland.  My ex wife is a US citizen and lives in the US with our son.  I returned to Ireland a few years ago simply because I had no choice.  I have never been issued with a court order for child maintenance but I now pay €125 per week voluntarily.  My take home pay is €650.  Out of that comes the aforementioned child maintenance, bank loans, utilities, car repayment etc. Last year I got divorced.  As I could not afford to travel to the US to contest the divorce it was uncontested.  I received documentation from the US courts outlining that I had to pay €150 per week and €40 per week in arrears of child maintenance, but I was never in arrears and I was never issued with any court order outlining what I had to pay and stating that it was obvious that I had never paid child maintenance which is a lie.  In the divorce issue I was never asked to provide information that I had/hadn't paid child maintenance. I recently received documentation that the state in which she lives have through the Hague convention and Irish courts come looking for over €36000 in owed child maintenance.  Despite Irish court orders I haven't seen my son in 4 years nor have I been allowed to talk to him on the phone. I cannot afford €190 pw on my earnings, I cannot afford to hire a solicitor so has anyone got any ideas??? Or are people of the opinion that I am a miserable so and so???



You will need to gather all your documentation together regarding the maintenance you have paid....bank statements...money transfers..etc. That is the only proof you have that you have paid maintenance for your son. There must have been a court order for maintenance issued at some stage if you are being pursued for it now. Write to the court in the US and put your case forward. If you have proof you have paid the maintenance they will have to accept it. It is only lately that the Irish courts are recognising court orders made in other countries regarding maintenance.....but they are doing so now. I have a friend in OZ who had a maintenance order issued by the Australian courts 15 years ago. Her partner came back to Ireland and never paid the maintenance. In the last 12 months through new laws she has pursued and received all the maintenance owed. It was a huge amount.


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