# Bringing a colleague to an HR issue-related meeting with manager?



## x-factor (11 May 2012)

A while ago I wrote to my superior about an HR-related issue that has been going on for over two years now, putting the manager in copy. When I had mentioned this issue verbally on several occasions before, nobody listened.

Now my manager wants to see me to talk about the e-mail I wrote. She can be very intimidating and tends to make things look as if everything was your fault, so I am pretty apprehensive ahead of the meeting. She is bringing her assistant along who always sides up with her.

I am afraid I will loose all my assertiveness faced by this tandem who has never actually wished me well and who thinks very little of me. I thought perhaps I could ask whether I could bring a trusted colleague to the meeting, so I feel a bit more self-assured, but I am not sure how to phrase such request and whether I might not be getting myself into trouble by suggesting this?

What would you think.


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## 3CC (11 May 2012)

I think it is perfectly reasonable to bring a colleague to the meeting. I presume you have a colleague in mind who would be willing to do this - some people might prefer not to get involved.
But provided that you can find someone, it is perfectly reasonable. 

I would be inclined to simply say that you would like to ask a colleague to come along and see the reaction. If they ask, you could just say that the other person is there to give advice and support. Some people might feel embarrassed admitting that they are asking for advice/support but many people in very senior positions do it all the time. It is a smart thing to do so do not see it as a sign of weakness. You should also ask your colleague to make notes during the meeting. We can all forget the details of things discussed so it would be very useful to keep some simple notes.


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## Sue Ellen (12 May 2012)

Return e-mail confirming that you will be bring a colleague along rather than request to be allowed to, need to be assertive here.

If she can bring someone along so can you


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## x-factor (12 May 2012)

Yes, if you read the invitation for the meeting alone, it would give you shivers. She wants to talk about my e-mail, not about *the matter* that I brought up. The phrasing itself feels intimidating and ominous. I am definitely asking a colleague to come along - if they say "no" then I will know at least I tried and that thought would hopefully steady me for the duration!


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## huskerdu (12 May 2012)

Is there a HR department or person in the company ?

If so, you should request that they also attend.


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## Jim2007 (12 May 2012)

huskerdu said:


> Is there a HR department or person in the company ?
> 
> If so, you should request that they also attend.



I would agree with this approach.  Send a copy of your original email to HR along with a copy of the invitation to attend the meeting.  If it is a HR issue then they should be party to it.


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## x-factor (13 May 2012)

Jim2007, huskerdu, Sue Ellen, 3CC - thank you for your replies. I have a legitimate concern and I am not going to get myself intimidated again. Your replies have helped me in my resolve to hold on to my self-respect, or rather - sadly - of what is left of it. Thank you again.


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## One (14 May 2012)

See the informal procedure:

[broken link removed]

Also, check to see does your work contract state anything about bringing a colleague to a meeting, many do.

Last but not least, bring a notebook and a biro and open it in front of everybody at the meeting, letting them know that you are taking notes.

Good luck.


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## huskerdu (14 May 2012)

One said:


> See the informal procedure:
> 
> [broken link removed]
> 
> ...



I agree that taking notes is vital, but it is impossible to take notes while fully participating in a meeting.
Ask your colleague to take notes for you.

Good luck, it can feel really daunting, but you are doing the right thing.


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## One (30 May 2012)

How did you get on with this?


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## x-factor (1 Jul 2012)

Hi One, 
Thanks for the question. So off I went to the meeting. I asked for the HR colleague to be present, and she attended the meeting all right. I basically found what I had been forced to deal with for years on my own turned out to be a legitimate issue that should have been resolved by the management a long time ago. Basically, the outcome of the meeting was that it did improve my situation a bit, but I found I have a long-term problem with this Company and people in it, and the style of management in particular, so: short-term better, long-term not so much better. This job is draining so much of my energy for a mere K30 a year, while people 10 and 15 years younger than me are earning twice or three times as much, and holding positions gained while bullying me for all these years! I am starting to think I would be better off just leaving it, but how do you get yourself fired? I am angry and disgusted with myself on top of that, as I don't seem to be able to say "boo" to a goose, and while I am trying to be polite and nice to everyone, it hits me from all angels and quarters in return.


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## Sandals (1 Jul 2012)

x-factor said:


> Hi One,
> but how do you get yourself fired?



That's a very easy one! 

Personally I know someone who got fired over a year ago over mix up on dates and honestly thought she'd get away with it in a small company. Hasn't been able to get a job since as first question "why did you leave your last job". She's at the stage where she is bluffing around the truth. 

Much better to hand in your resignation but its a tough job market out there. 

Well done on the short-term gain, perhaps you can gain some satisfaction from this and make progress in the company.


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## ang1170 (3 Jul 2012)

Sandals said:


> Much better to hand in your resignation but its a tough job market out there.
> 
> Well done on the short-term gain, perhaps you can gain some satisfaction from this and make progress in the company.


 
Surely the obvious thing to do is to get a new job before resigning?

As the OP said, they have a short-term gain, so just stick with it until you find something better and move on. You've taken the first step and there is light at the end of the tunnel.


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