# Football Jokes



## IrishGunner (7 Feb 2012)

Not Happy about the Arsenal ones but we need to laugh at ourselfs as its like supporting them in the 80's ahh the memories

*Two's company, in Wigan it's a crowd. 
Thierry Henry really is a true captain. He came back to go down with his sinking ship. 
John Terry's trial has been set for after the Euro 2012 final. That's ridiculous. They should have set it for after the quarter-finals. 
John Terry won't be facing trial for until after Euro 2012. So he's free to lead his country into Poland. Just like his hero did. 
John Terry has once again denied racially abusing Anton Ferdinand. However, he has not ruled out shagging his wife. 
Last October, Fernando Torres pledged to donate £1,000 to local charities for every goal he scored. Zero funds have been raised. 
Arsenal have announced the signing of Japanese full-back Fu-Kin No-Won for an undisclosed fee on a four-year contract. 
A man handcuffed himself to the goalpost at Goodison Park tonight. He spent more time in the box than Torres.has all season. 
Breaking News: Kieran Dyer has signed for Holby City. 
So with the transfer window closing, what was everyone's biggest shock on deadline day? For me it has to be Carroll scoring for Liverpool. 
Football fans are bracing themselves for transfer deadline day deals today. Most of them are praying they don't end up with Emile Heskey. 
Breaking News: Rangers have accepted Everton's offer of free broadband internet for 3-months in exchange for Nikica Jelavic. 
If Torres took a shot at De Gea, would he score? 
What do you call a footballer that can carry ten mugs at once, but no cups? Robin Van Persie. 
My computer has the "David De Gea" virus. It doesn't save anything. 
David De Gea's attempt to hand in a transfer request has failed after he dropped it outside of Alex Ferguson's office. 
Any man who says his wedding day is the happiest day of his life has obviously never scored an overhead kick on FIFA 12. 
How many pongs could Frimpong ping if Frimpong could ping pong? 
Harry Redknapp says Gareth Bale has made a very long journey to get where he is today. Shame he didn't make it through evolution though. 
Fantastic performance from Craig Bellamy tonight. Only one thing was missing... his neck. 
Andy Carroll is 6-1 to score tonight. If you don't understand betting that means that if you bet £10, you will lose £10. 
Top Tip: Write "Fernando Torres: Chelsea highlights 2012" on a blank disc and give it to a Chelsea supporting friend as a present.*


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## Betsy Og (7 Feb 2012)

As Vincent Browne might say ...... Ah very good, very good.

Especially like the John Terry denying racial abuse but not ruling out..


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## elefantfresh (7 Feb 2012)

Quality!


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## ninsaga (7 Feb 2012)

every single one of them went right over my head! : ( .........not being a fan of da beutifal game


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## michaelm (8 Feb 2012)

Q. How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two.  One to change it and his mate to drive both up from London.


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## boaber (8 Feb 2012)

Q. How many managers does the England team have
A. None


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## TarfHead (9 Feb 2012)

Some good tweets doing the rounds last night ..

"_Just couldn't make up England manager resigning over ex-captain on a racism charge as favourite to succeed him is cleared of tax evasion_"

"_Tonight JT binges on gin and champagne. Gin to mourn the loss of Capello, champagne to celebrate an immigrant effing off home_"


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## Randy (10 Feb 2012)

michaelm said:


> Q. How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
> A. Two. One to change it and his mate to drive both up from London.


 
Ironic from a Liverpool fan living in Galway?


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## michaelm (10 Feb 2012)

Randy said:


> Ironic from a Liverpool fan living in Galway?


Na, I've little interest, these days, in Premiership soccer.


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## Betsy Og (15 Feb 2012)

I'm bringing my young fella to Chelsea at the weekend, I'm excited cos I know he'll be in orbit with excitement. On the downside I'll have to watch Dat..FOREIGN..Sport...(spit), honestly!, the sacrifices you make for your kids.*


*One realises that there was no joke in the above but one hopes that one nevertheless found it somewhat amusing.


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