# Bullying at work.



## Cobra (10 Mar 2011)

I was just wondering who i might contact if i felt i was asked to do impossible tasks and my work was undermined. It might just go away, but just in case it did'ent what could i do.


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## Purple (10 Mar 2011)

Are you in a union?
Is there a HR department where you work?


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## Sue Ellen (10 Mar 2011)

If you run the search option in this forum for previous threads on bullying you should get some good advice from those.


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## Cobra (10 Mar 2011)

No union but there is HR department, but she dances to the managers tune.


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## pudds (10 Mar 2011)

Anything your not happy with keep notes of it, including time and dates.

If necessary.... then I would first talk to your supervisor about how you feel.

If no change then go to his/her supervisor with all your notes to use as examples.... and basically keep going up the line all the way to HR if you feel strongly about it.

Bear in mind though that if a solution cant be found and your low down the pecking order.....its generally the victim that gets moved not the perpertraitor.


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## Cobra (11 Mar 2011)

I am a bit confused now and wondering if i should say anything, so i could end up worse than i am and could end up with no job at all.


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## Leper (11 Mar 2011)

Bullying is all too prevalent these days.  It can take many forms.  But, the vast majority of "victims" seem to take it and let it fizzle out, eventually.

However, abuse of power especially in the workplace can cause upset, worry, depression, ill health etc.

The victim of bullying has various methods of thwarting the  bully.  The one thing a bully cannot handle is disgrace, publicity, suspension.

I could write a book on the subject and waste much of your time.  I will make a suggestion though:- Please record every instance you felt being bullied. Do this furtively.  Send emails to your non-work email address detailing the type of bullying, time of instance, witnesses to the occasion etc.  And most important record how you felt as a result of the bullying.

Believe me, over time you will accumulate much evidence and you will reach a stage where you can now legitimately bully the bully.  Be prepared to go the distance, perhaps even taking legal advice.  You will win handsomely.


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## Sunny (11 Mar 2011)

Here is a mad idea. Have you tried talking to the person before you go down the road of writing novels about feelings and talking to supervisors. Most people are not bullies. They are simply poor managers. This person might not realise what he/she is doing to you. If that doesn't work, by all means take it further. Many years ago, I was accused of bullying someone that worked for me simply because I asked her to do something that she didn't understand and then criticised her for doing it wrong. Instead of telling me that she didn't understand or asking for help, she went to my boss at the time saying how unfair I was being. It came to nothing and my boss was completely on my side but was still a dreadful experience. It was simply my inexperience with managing people that caused it. Not because I was trying to bully her. I am not saying your situtation is anything like that but might be worth bearing in mind.


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## inasoup (11 Mar 2011)

@cobra..even I was looking for answers and got lot of suggestions for my friend who is a victim. @leper...even if the victim documents everything who will take the decision on whether the victim is telling the truth or whether the alleged bully is not a bully. The final decision will be taken by HR and people higher up in the management. And whatever decisions are taken by the manager, is with the knowledge of higher management and HR. So if they side with the employee. wouldn't it mean that they are admitting they committed a mistake. And does the HR actually support employees as they themselves are part of the system. @sunny ..if you don't mind what happened to the employee who filed the charge against you?


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## Cobra (11 Mar 2011)

So what should i do. Do i put up with it and wait untill it gets worse, shall i submit my evidence to HR and take a chance. Either way it seem i could end up with no job. Very worried.


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## pudds (11 Mar 2011)

Cobra said:


> So *what should i do*. Do i put up with it and wait untill it gets worse, shall i submit my evidence to HR and take a chance. Either way it seem i could end up with no job. Very worried.




Only you can decide that....but generally speaking the victim is moved to another section/department.


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## Leper (13 Mar 2011)

There is no point in being nice to a bully showing him/her the errors of the bullying ways.  A bully is not a person in which you can reason.  It's all or nothing.

Let me cite a real life case in which I have some knowledge. The names have been changed.

Paul changed jobs and arrives in his new employ.  He is advised by the manager of problems in the workplace. The workplace is largely female most of which are set in their ways and find any change unbearable and a threat.

Paul is the oldest in the section.  However, he is somewhat dynamic and forward thinking.  He sees that the place must become more modern and efficient.  However, he knows that he is wasting his time trying to change all round him, but he changes what he does and becomes more efficient.

Three others see what Paul is doing (his supervisor and two other employees). The three are unhappy because Paul is doing what they should have done years before. Paul has spreadsheets where they others are using calculators and pencils.

This is where the trouble started.  If Paul made a mistake he was taken to task publicly much to the delight of he fellow employees.  He was asked Openly "Are you stupid or something?"  He was disallowed some breaks.  Much of his work was not recognised because the others could not understand simple Excel Spreadsheets.  Occasionally, his work was literally thrown at him with "Please Speak" written across it in red ink. The unnecessary near public admonishing continued unabated.

Paul spoke to the manager who informed him to ignore what was happening "Sure the others will change." No change happened, of course and things got worse.  He was made cancel holidays, given some menial tasks, given the prolonged silent treatment etc from his supervisor and her two cohorts.

Paul went to his union also and all in the office were in the same union.  He was advised to "Keep low and do nothing, all will sort itself out in time."

Pauls's wife suffered the brunt of his work unhappiness with him complaining at home and withdrawing into his cocoon. She advised him to record all that was happening no matter how insignificent. 

First, he recorded each days events when he finished work.  Things got worse at work.  He then emailed himself each day's bullying as they happened.  He now had date and time of each bullying. He recorded what was said, the witnesses and how he felt.  It was not long before he had an effective dossier of what was happening.

He showed one page to the bully after another event and informed her he had over 100 more pages of the same occurences.  She laughed him out of her office sneeringly.  The bullying got worse.

Paul went to his HR Dept and gave the Personnel Manager a copy of each of his "bullying" emails and asked for advice and what was going to be done about the matter. Paul had taken outside legal advice also.

The Personnel supsended the Office Manager (on full pay) pending the outcome of the legal route.  Paul won his case a few months later.  The Office Manager was now sacked for bringing her employer into disrepute. Her two cohorts were reduced in rank.

Paul is still working in the same job and has the co-operation of all.  The former Office Manager is still looking for a job.


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## Cobra (13 Mar 2011)

That is very interesting reading. Are there special solicitors who deal with that sort of thing. I think i will approach HR with my notes i have collected with dates. But just in case, i would like to know some independent person i could refer to , if the procedure went a bit wrong.


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## Purple (13 Mar 2011)

Have you taken Sunny's advice?


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## Leper (13 Mar 2011)

I have just returned to the forum to add a few points:-

1. The above situation was actually worse.  I kept it as short as I could.

2. I would advise you use a trusted solicitor who acts for you alone and not for your employer also.

3. Paul received quite a tidy sum in compensation advised by the court.

4. The employer brought out strict guidelines for supervisors to use.  Other bullies in the same organisation were dramatically "cured."


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## Cobra (13 Mar 2011)

Purple said:


> Have you taken Sunny's advice?



Already talked and explained, but nothing doing, he is on a mission to turn the company around and targets etc.


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## partnership (23 Mar 2011)

It can be very hard when you are in this situation.  If you need the job then you will could look at working on yourself and developing strategies which will allow you to cope with the other person in a different way - something like conflict coaching may be of help, or assertiveness or communications training.  If you have approached the other party and nothing has changed you then go to HR with a complaint in writing - if they ignore it you could go out on sick leave and if they let you go you have a case for constructive dismissal.


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## Lamorna (3 Apr 2011)

That's exactly what I do. I keep a log, which I update every evening at home, and I also type down specific sentences in an email which I sent to myself. e.g. 'he does all the crappy jobs that nobody else wants to do'; 'we all know who won't be alive in 2042' etc.

I foudn a really good (and cheap) little self-help book on Amazon:
'Survive bullying at Work: How to Stand Up for Yourself and Take Control (Steps to Success) ' by Lorenza Clifford.

The best thing to do, though, is to look for another job. The company where I work is mostly a call centre/data processing warehouse, with lots of temps (who are always promised a permanent job, and always sacked after 2 to 3 months) and a high 'permanent' staff turnover. Bullying is part of their culture: in order to be a good manager there, you have to be good at firing people, or even better, at getting them to resign. I've managed people in the past, but not like this (in my family the men are officers in the Army and the Navy, and they treat their men well: that's the least you can do when they may have to die obeying your orders). A recurring complaint in the staff kitchen or the toilets is 'she shouts at me all the time' or 'I don't dare ask questions because I'm afraid of being shouted at'. I don't need someone to shout at me to work hard: I study Maths and Science university courses in my spare time, and I work out hard in the swimming pool or at the gym, without any bully to push me!

Your focus should be on finding another job. Not easy in the current climate: I've been looking since the end of 2007...

Best wishes!





Leper said:


> Bullying is all too prevalent these days. It can take many forms. But, the vast majority of "victims" seem to take it and let it fizzle out, eventually.
> 
> However, abuse of power especially in the workplace can cause upset, worry, depression, ill health etc.
> 
> ...


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## Leper (6 May 2011)

Just a thought - six weeks later - Is the bullying continuing or has it been cured?


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