# Wedding present - no 'thank you'?



## Grizzly (10 Apr 2006)

My wife was invited to a wedding last year which she went to. A wedding present list from Brown Thomas was circulated to guests. My wife chose a gift from the list and Brown Thomas did the rest, posted it to the bride etc. Maybe this is normal practice but to date she has never received a "thank you" note from the bride or groom. Is this the norm?


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## Dowee (10 Apr 2006)

*Re: Wedding Present - No thank you?.*

I think it is common courtesy to send thank you cards but I've been to weddings where I never received one. Personally I think it is a bit rude not to send them.


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## erw fran (10 Apr 2006)

*Re: Wedding Present - No thank you?.*

you need to make sure that they actually received the gift, had a similar situation and turns out they didnt receive it so department store resent the present


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## Lauren (10 Apr 2006)

And in the process of checking to ensure that they received the gift you will embarrass them into thanking you (assuming they did receive it). How RUDE! I am regularly annoyed by people who do not thank for wedding gifts or gifts for new babies etc....


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## sun_sparks (10 Apr 2006)

We didn't receive one for a present we gave in person to the "presents table" last year. It was clearly labelled, and I was DISGUSTED at the lack of a thank you. Especially since it was a black tie do in the middle of nowhere (i.e. no additional accommodation available). 

So personally, I'd say write it off as complete rudeness.


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## swf (10 Apr 2006)

I agree - people are too fast to send out invitations and wedding lists however fail to thank you  - very sad state of affairs


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## racso (10 Apr 2006)

as a newly married person who just sent out thank you cards 3 months after getting mariied i am ashamed at the amount of time it took us to send them. But on the subject of wedding presents my uncle has gone to 2 weddings in the last year with wedding lists from the above shop and neither time the present arrived and he only discovered as he asked if they had received it. Would hate to think somebody had paid for a present for us and was thinking that it was due to bad manners that we had not sent out thank you cards.


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## Kiddo (10 Apr 2006)

We sent our thank you cards out about 8 weeks after the wedding. I have received thank you cards up to 9 months after the event....enclosed with a christmas card.

Its quite possible that Brown Thomas haven't delivered the gift yet..be it out of stock or whatever, but the couple should have received a list outlining who bought what. Have other guests received thank you cards? Maybe your wifes was lost in the post?


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## ClubMan (10 Apr 2006)

If you know somebody well enough to attend their wedding then presumably you should know them well enough to know whether or not rudeness is simply one of their personal traits? If so then (a) don't go and/or give them a present if their rudeness will upset you or (b) accept their personal traits if they are your friends.


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## casiopea (10 Apr 2006)

Your wife should just say the next time she's speaking to them, "did you receive the lamp ok?" or whatever it was. There might be a simple enough reason as to why they didnt send one, I had someone ring me about not receiving a thank you note (from me) but Id never received a gift from them.  It turned out to be a mistake of the store, so we were bought glad she rang to ask about the gift.


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## BRICKTOP (10 Apr 2006)

I got married October last year and sent the thank yous over the space of three weeks in Jan \ Feb. To be honest I was quite surprised by the number of people who gave no gift at all!!


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## polo1 (10 Apr 2006)

I am one of those people who did not send out thank you cards...... It wasnt intentional. I even made my own "Thank you" cards but now it has gotten embarassingly too late to send them out to people, and have decided after 1.5 years that its too late.... 
It isnt that I am ungrateful for the fab gifts I received, its just having the time to get around to doing it.. Can I also just say that I didnt insert a wedding list.... and did not expect any of the gifts.... I did not invite people for that reason...   
Do you guys think its better to send them out even at this late stage!


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## pernickety (10 Apr 2006)

i sent my thank yous out while on honeymoon! (well we were doing a 24 hour train ride across India), problem was one couple didn't send a present but their children did, and I felt it would be embarrassing for them to see a thank you addressed to the children only (same address). So we sent a thank you to all the family, got a very embarrassed card (with cheque) from the couple a few weeks later. They were mortified to have been included in a thank you, we were mortified to have basically "asked" for a present by sending the thank you in advance. Very tricky things, weddings!


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## Gunnerbar (10 Apr 2006)

pernickety said:
			
		

> while on honeymoon! (well we were doing a 24 hour train ride across India)




Well there's no need to brag. Jeesh


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## Vanilla (10 Apr 2006)

Oh God, even reading this thread is making me embarrassed. I am one of those very rude people who didn't send thank you cards after the wedding...there were extenuating circumstances, my mother was terminally ill and basically I spent the months after the wedding caring for her, until she died, and then spent quite a while lost in mourning. And then my husbands father became terminally ill, and then he died. I still feel awful about it but it just became too late...


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## Ron Burgundy (10 Apr 2006)

another thing i'll have to do, i hate even sending invatations, i'm so bad at remembering this sort of thing.

but it also adds to the expense, the stationary is about €700 for our wedding but if someone does give a present i'd rather phone them or say it to thier face, i hate the hallmark culture of cards for every little thing and sorry i blame woman for it, oh its april 10 we must get such a person a card ahhhhhhhhhhh !!!

sorry for the rant.


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## michaelm (10 Apr 2006)

Reading the first post in this thread I was thinking 'it's hardly worth worrying about such minor things'; when I got to an read Vanillas post it underscored for me just how minor, if valid , such issues are.


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## Bamhan (10 Apr 2006)

I never did send my thank you cards either.
Our daughter was four months old when we tied the knot so I was more consumed with chaildcare than wedding stuff.


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## Grizzly (10 Apr 2006)

Its just that the wedding was in that most mentioned Dublin hotel and everything was Vera Wang this and Vera Wang that. I am disappointed that after receiving designer wedding invitations we didn't even get a bog standard "thank you" note.


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## fobs (10 Apr 2006)

I too didn't send "thank you" cards as six weeks after getting married my husband became very sick and so thenk you cards were out of mind. I think all the people that came to our wedding knew our circumstances and so were not put ut. People have little to worry them if a missign thank you card is all they have to care about!!! Then my wedding was as far away from Vera Wang as you can get


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## Lauren (10 Apr 2006)

Was invited to a wedding once and on the invitation it said 'xxxx and yyyy have been living together for so long that they already have everything they need, so would be grateful if you could 'lodge' your gift to the account of xxxxx and this will help with the honeymoon'. Two weeks later received a follow up letter (on the same stationery!!) to say 'circumstances have changed and as we now have a joint account please lodge to the account of xxxx and yyyyy at blah bah bank'. 

Personally the thought of wedding lists and asking for ANYTHING is gross..but thats just me.....I didn't attend the above wedding...They were more work colleagues than friends...


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## car (10 Apr 2006)

Probably against the grain here but I say hallmark days bedamned.   
At my wedding they got the proverbial beef or salmon, a bottle of wine and a day out and we got all the usual pressies.  the average pressie we got was probably worth in the region of £50, and it cost us more then that to put on the day for the people who attended.
We didnt send out thank you cards and we didnt get any card thanking us for the day out.   
Has anyone who got married ever got a thank you card saying thanks for the great day out? and if you did, did you send a thank you card back for them sending that card? etc, etc,etc...


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## sloggi (10 Apr 2006)

As much of a money making racket as thank you cards and the like are, I think courtesy outweighs expense, extenuating circumstances aside.  I attended a wedding and posted my bank draft plus card after wedding and only got a thank you about a year after the event....I thought it may have got lost in the post and considering I work with the groom, I was embarrassed at the notion that he might think I had been too cheap to buy gift/give money!  Turned out, he was too rude to thank me to me face after receiving it!!  

Recently saw one of those show me the money programmes, where Eddie suggested the couple (who were near broke) increase the amount of people invited to the wedding as odds of getting more cash off them was greater!!  When I get married, I will only invite people because I want them there, because I can afford to have them there, and because having a party in my, I mean our, honour is the most narcissistic thing one can do!  The least I can do is thank people afterwards, fairly promptly, for stepping out of my limelight for the day and perhaps even giving a gift as well!!!!  I certainly won’t be expecting people to thank me for inviting them nor will I be counting up how much they spent on me versus how much I spent on them!!!


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## ClubMan (10 Apr 2006)

car said:
			
		

> At my wedding they got the proverbial beef or salmon, a bottle of wine and a day out and we got all the usual pressies.  the average pressie we got was probably worth in the region of £50, and it cost us more then that to put on the day for the people who attended.


Is that an observation or a complaint?


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## brodiebabe (10 Apr 2006)

car said:
			
		

> the average pressie we got was probably worth in the region of £50, and it cost us more then that to put on the day for the people who attended.
> 
> ..


 

Of course it cost you more, you were hosting the wedding so you have to pay for it.  

You didn't your expect that the guests at YOUR wedding would pay for YOUR wedding did you?!


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## Swallows (10 Apr 2006)

Brodiebabe,
 but people do expect us to pay for their weddings, that's why the guest list is so big these days. In my neck of the woods, presents are not wanted, it's got to be cash, and not just a small amount either. I know of people who will run a mile if they get an invitation. Suddenly people are very busy on that day. Think of the expense, a new outfit, travel to wedding and probably overnight accommodation. Who wants that? It's time weddings were kept simple, and not all to do with money.


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## MOB (10 Apr 2006)

I and spouse did our wedding invites on a pc.  They looked fine. 

We typed up the mass book ourselves.  It looked fine.  Actually, we forgot to get them copied and bound until the morning of the wedding, so ended up with only seven or eight of them.  That was enough to cover anyone who had to do a reading, and it forced everone else to listen, so that was fine.

Wedding dress was home-made by sister in law; it was fine; beautiful actually

All flowers by mother - who recited her design mantra that "less is more", and they looked fine.

Aunt bought the wedding wine on a trip to France for about stg.£85.  It was fine - mind you no two tables had the same wine, but sure what harm.

We invited about 160.  A number of them said that it was the best crack wedding they had been at in years.  They were right.

I have no idea what total budget was, but I suspect it came in at less than £6k in old money.  The conspicuous consumption which is (apparently) so common these days is a real waste.  I am all for people spending their money as they see fit, but I very much suspect that those people who spend a small fortune making sure every detail is "just right" ultimately find their wedding day a touch anticlimactic.  I find it hard to believe that you can get €500 of enjoyment from a fancy invitation, €2000 of enjoyment from OTT flowers, €10,000 of enjoyment from a designer dress etc..., but each to his\her own.


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## pernickety (10 Apr 2006)

Gunnerbar said:
			
		

> Well there's no need to brag. Jeesh


 

Gotta add (after comment about 700 euro on cards and all the Hallmark comments) that I bought beautiful cards (handpainting on leaves depicting Indian scenes for very little) and wrote a meaningful note in many (the ones where I got meaningful presents!). The cost was minimal. Our wedding invitations were handmade and cheap. 

What am I trying to say? GOd only knows!


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## car (11 Apr 2006)

> the average pressie we got was probably worth in the region of £50, and it cost us more then that to put on the day for the people who attended.


 no complaint. none at all. 
At the time, we hadnt received thank you cards for the pressies we'd brought to the 3 or 4 weddings we'd been to that year from our friends, nor had we expected them. When someone close to us said to us about 6 months later that they thought it was bad form they hadnt got a thank you card, we asked a few people what they thought. The general concensus was that we put on a great day, it was a wedding, people brought pressies and that was that. Mulling it over, we were happy enough with our decision not to send them. Mrs car and I just didnt see what the fuss was about sending thank you cards. We still dont, but each to their own. 



> Of course it cost you more, you were hosting the wedding so you have to pay for it.


 Yes, and no problem with it, and it was a wedding and you bring a present. So who says what the done thing is about sending a thank you card for the pressie? Noone sent us a thank you card for the day out we gave. Where does it end? thank you cards card for thank you cards? Hallmark days.


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## Grizzly (11 Apr 2006)

Except in our case with Brown Thomas we were asked to choose a gift from a website linked to the bride and grooms gift list. Brown Thomas posted the gift and all we got was a debit to a credit card. The gift list was in the range €200 to €1000. I am now wondering did the bride and groom actually get the gift or if they got the gift and it was at the lower end of the mentioned price range were they disappointed?
Incidentally, would it take a couple an evening maybe a weekend to sit down and post out some thank you notes. Probably less time than it would have taken to choose the flowers for the occassion?


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## deem (11 Apr 2006)

How about people who come to weddings and every time you see them, they say' oh I have your wedding present at home, or in second home, in other car, etc, etc,' its now 8 month later and still no sign.  Just as rude in my books


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## gearoidmm (11 Apr 2006)

E200 minimum for the present seems outrageous.  I've been to three weddings in the past year and didn't get a thank you card for any.  All three were good friends and all came up to thank me for the presents.  They spent enough on the wedding, why should they have to shell out for cards too?


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## Lorz (11 Apr 2006)

Getting married myself in 2months so interested in this post - I find it outrageous that people couldn't be bothered to send Thank You cards (I'm obviously excluding people with extenuating circumstances)  As for the cost of them and the price of €700 - did you invite 350people?  If not, can't understand how they would cost that much.  Consider the time and effort that your guests have put into attending your wedding - time off work, babysitter, new outfit, present, card, RSVP card, accomodation, stag/hen, etc, etc.  We estimated that the last wedding we attended cost us about €1200!  So the very least the Bride & Groom can do is forward a Thank You card - basic manners - didn't your dear mothers insist you thank your relatives for their present & card?  Why should this be different.  

I don't particularly mind gift lists - I think a lot of guests (especially relations) find them quite useful.  It can be a bit forward to include a card with the invite (IMO best to leave the details with the mothers) and it's essential to included items at both ends of the spectrum.  

I find the inclusion of bank account details obnoxious & rude.


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## shnaek (11 Apr 2006)

I was at a wedding at the weekend. The priest thanked everyone for coming, commenting that these days getting a wedding invitation is like getting a summons. Weddings grow more narcissistic by the year. So much for two people committing to each other for life. 
"Oh, don't look at me! DON'T LOOK AT ME! I am over here, Oh stop looking at me!"
BTW - I did enjoy the wedding as the couple were close friends - almost family. But some of the attitudes today towards weddings make me vomit. Guests are invited to worship, not for a party. If it were just a party then why not throw a party instead of a wedding and have a free bar?


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## Bamhan (11 Apr 2006)

I did actually get a good few thank you letters from guests who attended my wedding as we had such a good day!


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## zag (11 Apr 2006)

I don't understand why people could object to the time and/or money involved in sending thank you cards.  As above, unless you invite many hundreds of people the time and money aren't going to be huge and it is just basic good manners to say thank you when someone gives you a gift.

Having said that, I have a feeling that Mrs Zag would have had more input into the sending of the cards (just like Christmas cards, birthday cards, etc . . . every year) than me, but I just couldn't see myself objecting to the idea of thanking someone for their gift.  Same goes for thank you cards for baby presents.

We never thought of the amount of money we would receive from our guests and we *never* thought ill of someone who spent £20 on their present instead of the £200 they might have afforded.

I think I must be turning into an old fogey if some of the comments above are representative of the way 'young people' these days think about weddings - it sounds like they regard the day as being a commercial transaction, with people who fail to pay for their own entertainment being considered rude and inconsiderate, an excuse for everyone to become incapable of driving home with people who host weddings in locations without sufficient accommodation nearby also being considered inconsiderate.  What happened to the idea of the reception being a time for your friends to help you celebrate what is supposed to be one of the best days of your life ?

z


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## zag (11 Apr 2006)

shnaek - just to be clear - I accept that the religious ceremony is supposed to be solemn (yet joyfull), but the reception afterwards is supposed to be a party/celebration of the event.

bahman - we also got a few thank you cards from guests, but not a whole lot.  Getting them did add to what we took from the day.

z


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## sun_sparks (11 Apr 2006)

I suppose I hadn't thought about thank you cards for attending. Good point, and something I will consider in the future.

As for the suggestion that it's a Hallmark thing. I would have been happy with a little handwritten note, a (personalised) e-mail or a quick call. Just something to say look we noted what you bought for us and we appreciated it.


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## nelly (11 Apr 2006)

grizzy - its all in the circumstances - you are dead right that due to a posh no expense spared bash you should definately have recieved a thank you you note - thats must my opinion though. 

Question to all you rude folks - have you no Mother in law to shame you into sending them????? 

Got married in September and I decided i would TY cards with my new house / address cards (christmas cards if it got that late!) and darling MIL rang to tell us we should not send them as there was a death in de hubbies family - we sent them to my lot anyway as we bought them and some to hubbies younger cousins who all gave us cash gifts. 
If me bould strap didn't bring up the " are you sure you sent x a thank you card only i think she never got one" there lately / 6 months after the wedding. I know i sent x one (even though MIL specifically requested we didn't send any) but you just can't win. 

So i will let you in on my little mantra i had going when i was planning my wedding day: Those who mind won't matter and those who matter won't mind.


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## SpatenMan (11 Apr 2006)

Why not order the Thank You cards when you are ordering the initial Invitatations and RSVP's. Its another job done ages before the big day!

An e-mail or a call also works but something has to be done!


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## car (11 Apr 2006)

> I find it outrageous that people couldn't be bothered to send Thank You cards


Who says it was a bother?   In our case we made a concious decision not to send them as we felt it was wholly unnecessary, it wasnt the "bother" of either time, effort or cost that stopped us. 




> So i will let you in on my little mantra i had going when i was planning my wedding day: Those who mind won't matter and those who matter won't mind.


A fine saying and one that was said to us by my mother when the topic arose about whether we should send thank you cards.  Id consider her to be a very mannerly person so I'll take my lead from that.   
In fact, by the off chance youre her, I'll be round later for tea, I'll have my favorite steak pie and chips.


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## casiopea (11 Apr 2006)

car said:
			
		

> In our case we made a concious decision not to send them as we felt it was wholly unnecessary



Why did you feel it was wholly unnecessary? Did you do something else in its place?  I can see how christmas cards and valentine cards are wholly unnecessary but I do see a purpose in thank you cards, not only to show gratitude but to acknowledge the gift was received safely. In the case of money gifts we received I also used the thank you card as an opportunity to let the sender know how we spent the money, that was a personal choice and not necessary as such.


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## Lorz (11 Apr 2006)

car said:
			
		

> Who says it was a bother? In our case we made a concious decision not to send them as we felt it was wholly unnecessary, it wasnt the "bother" of either time, effort or cost that stopped us.


 
I'm also curious - why did you feel it was unnecessary?  
Is it not common curtsy to thank someone for their actions?


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## car (11 Apr 2006)

> I'm also curious - why did you feel it was unnecessary?
> Is it not common curtsy to thank someone for their actions?



I felt it was unnecessary as yes it is courtesy to thank someone for a gift, but is a card the only way you can thank someone?

Im curious now, do you send thank you cards for any birthday and christmas presents?  If not, why not?


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## fobs (11 Apr 2006)

I agree with you Car as it is a lot more personalised to thank each person personallly with a phone call or email without having to send a card.


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## sloggi (11 Apr 2006)

fobs said:
			
		

> I agree with you Car as it is a lot more personalised to thank each person personallly with a phone call or email without having to send a card.


 
couldn't agree more, my gripe is when people don't thank you eithre by way of card/phone call/email/text message etc


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## Theo (11 Apr 2006)

car said:
			
		

> Probably against the grain here but I say hallmark days bedamned.
> At my wedding they got the proverbial beef or salmon, a bottle of wine and a day out and we got all the usual pressies. the average pressie we got was probably worth in the region of £50, and it cost us more then that to put on the day for the people who attended.
> We didnt send out thank you cards and we didnt get any card thanking us for the day out.
> Has anyone who got married ever got a thank you card saying thanks for the great day out? and if you did, did you send a thank you card back for them sending that card? etc, etc,etc...


 

In fairness, nobody asked you to get married.  You decided to do that yourself, so why would anyone thank you for agreeing to marry each other?

I have 2 more weddings to attend this year and after that, all my friends are married.  I am single and for the last 5 years, I have had to cough up substantial sums of money on my own going to these things.  I would expect a thank you card as a minimum.  When I get married, probably many years from now, i will certainly do it.


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## car (11 Apr 2006)

> In fairness, nobody asked you to get married. You decided to do that yourself, so why would anyone thank you for agreeing to marry each other?


I didnt want, need or expect a thank you for getting married nor for the very expensive day out, which was what I was referring to.



> I have had to cough up substantial sums of money on my own going to these things


. 
If "coughing up money"  bothers you, then dont go.



> I would expect a thank you card as a minimum.


You _expect_ a thank you card as a _minimum_? I find this gross. If any of my guests had said this to me after out wedding, their present or value of would have been returned in full.  I say "thank you" the way I want to say "thank you" to someone.  Not the way the other person wants me to.  



> When I get married, probably many years from now, i will certainly do it.


Each to their own.


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## Winnie (11 Apr 2006)

ok so basically - as long as you communicate you thanks by either
a) card
b)email
c) phonecall
d) face to face..........
then yes I think its ok.  

But Car you just said you didnt bother - is it that you didnt feel the need to thank or you didnt feel the need to send a card to thank people?  If the latter & you thanked them personally then fair enough.  If the first well then you lack basic manners & I wouldnt bother arguing with you.

To get back to the original poster - if you bought the present from the wedding list then ring the shop & check that it got sent.  Otherwise just ask the couple.....


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## Grizzly (12 Apr 2006)

It was a family wedding. Extravagant, over the top. More for the brides parents than the bride. In family I mean, we see them at funerals where they are very friendly, then silence until the next funeral. The groom had a big family so the bride needed to make up numbers. A number of phone calls before the wedding, silence after the wedding. It was a 50/50 decision whether to go to the wedding or not. In hindsight, probably a wrong decision. Went for the bride and groom but not for the parents sake. If people don't want to go to a wedding what do you say? Be truthful.


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## Danmo (12 Apr 2006)

I think if someone took the time a trouble to buy a gift you should take the trouble to send them a thank you. It's expensive to go to a wedding these days. I know people lead busy lives but you took the time to organise your wedding didn't you? I wrote cards as gifts arrived and posted them the day we were going on honeymoon and wrote the remainder when we got back. I disagree with fobs - that people worrying about a missing card have little to worry about. Good manners don't cost much!


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## Lyndan (12 Apr 2006)

i had all the best intentions when we got married to send Thank You cards out to all guests, i still have them in packets!

I did give them to my aunts and to the country folk and i tried to thank as many people face to face as i could - time got in the way we had just moved into our new house etc.  

anyway i feel bad about it, i wished that i had of sent them out, now its too late, i am married a year next month!

hopefully the fact that in the speeches we thanked everyone for coming and their lovely presents - this would have been enough?


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## Janet (12 Apr 2006)

Well, I too suffer terribly from procrastination.  My sister got married six years ago.  I didn't send a card accepting the invitation since she knew I was going.  I found out just after the wedding that she was really disappointed that so few people sent cards as she had even bought a little box to keep them in.  Knowing this I bought a lovely card to send her as a thank you for a lovely day.  It sat there for a few months, then it was Christmas and then I thought I'd give it to her as a first anniversary card.  Still have that card sitting in a box at home.  Am always full of good intentions but never seem to get around to doing those nice little things for people.  If I do manage to write a card or letter it invariably ends up spending at least a week at the bottom of my bag until I remember to put a stamp on it and post it.


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## car (12 Apr 2006)

> But Car you just said you didnt bother


I did not say that.  I said we didnt send cards.  



> ok so basically - as long as you communicate you thanks by either
> a) card
> b)email
> c) phonecall
> ...



Ah so once you say SAY thanks then its ok.  This is what Ive been saying all along, why does it take a subsequent card to say thanks as well as when I said thanks at the wedding, or the day after the wedding in the hotel lobby when I said thanks or whenever I next met the guests and said thanks again.

I think people fall into 2 groups here,  youre either for cards or youre not.  You are. Im not.  Its not a manners thing.


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## sun_sparks (12 Apr 2006)

I actually feel that perhaps we're talking about two different points here car. Personally, someone saying "thanks" before they've even seen the present strikes me as a little insincere. But maybe that's just me. However, when you next meet the guests, you'll know what they got you, so that's fine.


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## Grizzly (12 Apr 2006)

Keep going CAR, soon you will be able to justify what you did or should I say didn't do. Lyndan's post certainly helped you out there, eh?


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## car (12 Apr 2006)

> Keep going CAR, soon you will be able to justify what you did or should I say didn't do. Lyndan's post certainly helped you out there, eh?


Sorry, I didnt want the thread turning into a justification for whether I personally sent cards or not. 

Your originally asked


> she has never received a "thank you" note from the bride or groom. Is this the norm?


I was trying to offer my own experience of what we did for our wedding.    I havent slated anyone else for sending them but I seem to be on the back foot here for having not sent them.   

Yes, Lyndans post does back what Ive been saying about once the thanks are offered in some format then that should suffice.   Id count the send/not send posts in here to work out what the norm is.


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## Lorz (12 Apr 2006)

Car-
I must have read your post incorrectly too because I gathered from your post that you didn't thank anyone - with or without cards.  If you did thank them in person/email/tel or other then fine - but I also take on board Sun Sparks point about thanking someone before you've even looked at the present or in the hotel lobby then next morning.  IMO (for what it's worth and I'm now saying that one HAS to do this) I wouldn't think much of a thank you in the hotel lobby.  I would think the very least the bride & groom could do is telephone, email or send a card to their guest.  My other half isn't "into" cards either but totally accepts that it would be rude not to thank our guests - in our case, we will be doing so by sending a personal card to each guest.  Each to their own.


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## fobs (12 Apr 2006)

> My other half isn't "into" cards either but totally accepts that it would be rude not to thank our guests - in our case, we will be doing so by sending a personal card to each guest. Each to their own.


 
If you say each to their own why keep slagging off CAr for his/her choice?
If you feel it necessary/polite/ etc.. to send cards then do likewise if someone else disagress with you then...as you say "to each their own"!

If people are so hung up on the correct way to be thanked then they were obviously not too good friends with the bride/groom to start with!


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## Lyndan (12 Apr 2006)

sorry just to add, we had recieved a lot of presents before the wedding so when thanking people we were actually thanking them for the gifts we recieved.

after that, i tried to personally thank everyone when i saw them after the wedding...

Anyway, what could have been...


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## car (12 Apr 2006)

this thread is turning into a thankless affair.  

I havent looked but is there a polls option set up on AAM?  If so, 2 options, send cards or not.

For those who want to send cards, the diywedding site might be helpful.

[broken link removed]


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## Guest127 (12 Apr 2006)

a wedding invitation is a summons with fine attached. 4 such summons last year. attended a couple. no cards back but bride/groom at one thanked us profusely for present. one we didnt attend also sent thanks, in person. one I dont recall but the last one I do. _Father _of the bride thanked us for present. not bride or groom.  guess he probably knew the form. one of the prosecutors  insisted that the reply's be returned and phoned to remind us!! its only April but so far so good this year. Nasty things those summonses


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## sun_sparks (18 Apr 2006)

In fairness cuchulainn, re. the replies being returned, we're booking a wedding at the moment (oh the joy!) and it is really difficult when people don't reply to invites (or don't attend when they say they will). It costs money, remember, for each person who doesn't attend.

If we are talking about rudeness, btw, I think not attending when you have indicated that you will is the WORSE rudeness. If you don't want to go, then say so.


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## Guest127 (19 Apr 2006)

Sun: apologies for any unintended insult. The one we missed was one we were really looking forward to. Wont say too much but it was in Kilcolgan Castle in Galway. B+B booked and everything ready for the off for a weekend of it. and Cu junior comes home from summer job doubled up in pain. Short story. He had appendicitis. and on another forum I have already posted how the Louth Hospital didn't operate after 6 on Fridays and he was transferred to Drogheda who didnt operate until 4pm on the Saturday by which time there was 'free flow' to quote one of the staff. One was  from a member of staff trying to be 'nice' to everybody but that was an easy one to decline. Dont actually understand why work colleagues feel they have to invite everybody anyway. but to each is own. Good Luck for your big day.


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## ZEGAR (19 Apr 2006)

I have been invited to a few weddings lately ,none of which I was able to attend.
   I sent a cheque for 100 Euro  along with me declining invitation..
Are you expevted to send a present regardless of attending or not????
 I am getting sick of handing out 100 Euros everytime a distant (meet once every 3 years) relative decided to get hitched......


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## Ned_ie (25 Apr 2006)

On the whole thank you cards thing. We sent ours out about 6 months after the weedding. Made them ourselves adn each had a photo of us on our day with a hand written thank you to each person who snet us something. While my dad nearly had heart failure at how long it took us to send them I think the six month period was ok. At least we didn't forget and each got a personalised note rather than a generic one.


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## Samantha (3 May 2006)

I only sent thank you card after my wedding to the person who did offer me a gift but couldn't be at the wedding. For the people attending the wedding, the thank you was done during the wedding verbally, no thank you card sent afterwards.


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