# ex boyfriend is taking me to court to try and get joint guardianship of our 2yo son,



## Ashley Murph (29 Oct 2010)

My ex boyfriend is taking me to court to try and get joint guardianship of our 2 year old son. 

I really dont want him to get it as i dont think he is responsible enough for this role in my sons life. 

He sees him every week but does'nt give me any maintanence. He has anger issues and has threatened mine and my family's life and Ive had to report him to the guards. 

Also hes been sending me abusive texts and phone calls for the past six months. I am terrified of him. 

What do i do? 

Will he get guardianship?


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## ziltwo (29 Oct 2010)

my advise to you is to seek help from a solicitor; give them all your text messages; report from the Guards etc... Also a solicitor will help where Maintenance and guardianship for your child etc... try not worry; I no easy said then done; but in my opinion; when you have someone working for you to help ease the way, its a load off your shoulders... best of luck..


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## Thirsty (31 Oct 2010)

Unless you have something more substantive, yes he will most likely be granted guardianship.

He should be paying child maintenance; put in an application for that now, it's your childs money.


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## SlurrySlump (31 Oct 2010)

Why does he want guardianship. Does he love his son, perhaps?


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## SlugBreath (31 Oct 2010)

Ashley Murph said:


> I really dont want him to get it as i dont think he is responsible enough for this role in my sons life.


 
Based on your standards?


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## ali (31 Oct 2010)

SlugBreath said:


> Based on your standards?


 
Based on my standards too if he does indeed send threatening and abusive texts, has had to be reported to the guards and has threatened the life of the op and her family and doesn't feel obliged to contribute financially to his son. Yes, yes I know that is the op's version but these are the facts that she has posted and you can only go on that. The fact that many fathers are denied their rights is irrelevent if the father in this case is threatening and abusive.


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## levelpar (31 Oct 2010)

There are two separate issues here . One is the right of a father to have access to his son and the other is his anger towards you and your family.

Personally,I don't think it is right of you to use the child as a punishment to the father for his behaviour.

Does he treat the child well?, Why is there anger against you and your family ?.  Whatever the reason for his "abusive texts  and phone calls" you can do something about that.


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## legallady (1 Nov 2010)

You really should see a solicitor. If your income is low enough you may qualify for civil legal aid. As posters have pointed out, he may well be granted guardianship but in reality this won't impact on your day to day workings. It just means he will have a say if, for example, you want to move to the other side of the world or if you marry your husband will be unable to adopt your son without your former partners permission.


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## 4th estate (1 Nov 2010)

Are you resentful in any way about your ex's access to the child because he doesn't (can't?) pay maintenance?

I am not for a minute saying you are, but that might be a factor, and it might be causing his anger too.

The mother in a non marital child situation has powerful rights. Maybe he is frustrated by this?

There are two sides to every story.


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## fender (1 Nov 2010)

Take a look at www.treoir.ie

They will also answer your questions over the phone.

They support unmarried parents regarding their rights etc.

Your baby's father has no rights whatsoever and going to court will not achieve guardianship for him.


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## Thirsty (1 Nov 2010)

> Your baby's father has no rights whatsoever and going to court will not achieve guardianship for him.


This is a totally inaccurate statement.


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## legallady (1 Nov 2010)

I'd agree with the above. Totally inaccurate. Unmarried fathers can become guardians of their child by either agreement with the mother or by gong to court to be appointed guardian. They don't automaically become guardians like married fathers.


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## 4th estate (1 Nov 2010)

legallady said:


> I'd agree with the above. Totally inaccurate. Unmarried fathers can become guardians of their child by either agreement with the mother or by gong to court to be appointed guardian. They don't automaically become guardians like married fathers.



Automatic guardianship for the father in a non marital situation has been proposed by the Law Reform Commission.

As far as I know, the mother can object to such automatic guardianship, but the grounds for this must be "in the interests of the child", meaning to me, not because the mother doesn't like/get on with the Dad etc.

This provision should be enacted. It would be very good for situations such as that outlined above.


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## legallady (1 Nov 2010)

Yes but it's just a proposal at present. It doesnt have relevance to the OPs query. I agree though. The sooner the situation changes the better.


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## 4th estate (1 Nov 2010)

Any situation such as this is fraught with problems from both sides.

At the end of the day, automatic guardianship is the way to go. As recommended by the Law Reform Commission,

But how long to wait for this? ....Anyone?


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## Brooklyn (2 Nov 2010)

levelpar said:


> Personally,I don't think it is right of you to use the child as a punishment to the father for his behaviour.
> 
> Does he treat the child well?, Why is there anger against you and your family ?.  Whatever the reason for his "abusive texts  and phone calls" you can do something about that.



There's not much she can do about it if the reason is that he is a violent person with anger issues, which appears to be the case if he has actually made threats against her and her family's life. 

My past experience working in family law is that abusive people are rarely abusive only to their (ex-)partner and _not _to their children. Furthermore, abusive people frequently use their child to take out their anger against their ex. I don't want to be unnecessarily alarmist, but the way in which they "use" the child in these cases can be very serious. If she is reporting the story accurately she is quite right to be concerned about what her ex's behaviour means for the safety of her child.

Agree with the others OP - see a solicitor as soon as you can.


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## Grizzly (2 Nov 2010)

Ashley Murph said:


> He sees him every week but does'nt give me any maintanence.


 
Why not, is there a reason?

Do his parents see the child?


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## Thirsty (2 Nov 2010)

> _If _she is reporting the story _accurately _(my emphasis)


There's the rub....


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## Brooklyn (4 Nov 2010)

Thirsty said:


> There's the rub....



Of course you could say the same about everybody else who posts here or on any other forum. But usually when people post their stories and ask for advice, that advice is given with the benefit of the doubt for the OP that they are reporting the story accurately.

It's not as if her story would be an unusual one.


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## Grizzly (4 Nov 2010)

Brooklyn said:


> Of course you could say the same about everybody else who posts here or on any other forum. But usually when people post their stories and ask for advice, that advice is given with the benefit of the doubt for the OP that they are reporting the story accurately.
> 
> It's not as if her story would be an unusual one.


 
Maybe the OP will come back to the discussion that she started and enlighten us a little more?


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## alaskaonline (4 Nov 2010)

Grizzly said:


> Why not, is there a reason?
> 
> Do his parents see the child?


 
The condition of seeing the child in exchange to maintenance shouldn't even be put on the same page. Both issues are dealt with seperately in court. He is not paying her to see his child, he is suppose to pay her money FOR the child's upbringing.

Also, access rights and guardianship are two different matters, too. I agree that every father should have access to see their children. However if there's a safety issue, the court would have to look at it.


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## jomarie (18 May 2011)

Just wondering if your ex got the access he was looking for?


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