# Neighbourly obligations



## Maryar (24 Jul 2006)

hi - wanted to see if anyone could help. Am putting up a sunroom and they have started today - quiet enough and outside there is only a skip and an extra car for the workers. Thats all. I told immediate neighbours on both sides but today saw a neighbour from few doors down coming up and tutting and shaking his head at the skip. He was gone before I could go out. What should my obligations be in informing neighbours!? Should I go 5 dooors either way and tell neighbours at the back!? we are new to the estate and haven't had any opportunity to talk to the neighbours as we both work etc. Don't want to upset anyone but don't know what our obligations are! Any advice??


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## ninsaga (24 Jul 2006)

tell him to piss off...you've done thte right thing in informing the immediates....what does he expect a neighbourhood meeting.


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## SteelBlue05 (24 Jul 2006)

He could have been tutting and shaking his head about anything? Maybe he thought "this skip is from that bloody company I used before and they were awful", or "look at all the good things they are throwing out" etc.

Unless he comes and makes a specific point to you then dont worry about it. Its not that important if he isnt going to talk to you directly.


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## Maryar (24 Jul 2006)

thanks a mil for the advice! was getting paranoid there today thinking oh no maybe we needed to send out a letter to the whole road! i didnt want the first interactions with the neighbours to be a bad one.


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## Satanta (24 Jul 2006)

Maryar said:
			
		

> ...but don't know what our obligations are! Any advice??



While I fully agree with the above approach, it's none of his business.... you may be happier looking at it from another angle.
What would you expect? Would you be upset if someone three/five/ten doors up didn't notify you of some work with the level of disruption you're causing?

Your "obligations" are nill, your neighbourly effort  informing your immediate neighbour seems perfect and if you have one or two upset curtain twitchers around... I'd suggest if it wasn't this they were upset over it'd be something else.

I'd consider it an "all of the people, all of the time" moment and not lose to many minutes thinking of it.


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## CCOVICH (24 Jul 2006)

It could be a case of _Tayto_, i.e. 'There's always one', or as somone else has said, he could have been miffed for any number of other reasons.

I wouldn't be overly concerned, as long as the skip is not causing an onstruction of some sort.


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## JohnnieKippe (24 Jul 2006)

I agree with the other replies. What the hell has it got to do with a neighbour five doors up if you have a skip outside your house.


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## Maryar (24 Jul 2006)

Yeah thanks all. No the skip is in our parking space where one of our cars normally is.  I just felt a bit bad as we never talked to these neighbours - when we first moved in I was going to go down and knock on their doors and introduce ourselves but felt like a bit of a pleb. Hi Im your new neighbours and now we are 3 months here so its a bit late !  I dont understand the whole new neighbour etiquette!


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## muffin1973 (24 Jul 2006)

Hi Maryar

I agree with the above posters - ignore the man.  He's far enough away from you that you are not obliged to inform him of anything.  Sure maybe he'd just chucked some rubbish in your skip, saw you looking and started tut-tutting as a cover up  

There are so many skips on our road that it's become commonplace and at the end of the day, all the work will benefit the road so it'll all be good.  Nosy neighbours are irritating but can have their uses ...

M


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## SteelBlue05 (24 Jul 2006)

I find just talking to your immediate neighbours as being the most common thing. I have swapped phone numbers with one of them so that if eithers alarm is going off then a quick text message can let each other know. I certainly wouldnt going around to houses 3 or more doors down to introduce myself. Who really cares, its a big estate, people come and go.


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## Magoo (24 Jul 2006)

From personal experience, I think neighbours regard a skip as something of a local amenity to be used at will.  

if he was annoyed, it may be because he'd just got gone to some trouble to rid of some heavy duty rubbish and was annoyed that you didn't let him know you were getting one so he could have dumped it in yours instead.


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## Carpenter (24 Jul 2006)

Some people have a cheek, eh?  I wouldn't bother worrying about this thing, it's so minor and really nobody else's business.  My neighbour regularly has two buses and a taxi parked in the turning area at the end of the cul de sac in our estate.  He asked me did I mind, what could i say?  I don't like the look of the 35 seater parked there all day and it obstructs the refuse collection lorry and could impede the fire brigade in an emergency, but I just want to keep the peace.  You situation is no comparison.


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## Grizzly (25 Jul 2006)

Many skips are placed directly on the footpath causing pedestrians to walk on the road. If the skips are placed on the road and have no reflective stickers then cars can hit them at night. What is the answer? Half on the road and half on the footpath? Not so long ago there was a big hullabaloo when some poor unfortunates were killed when their car crashed in to a skip on the road. The waste companies were required to tidy up their act and put reflective stickers on them. A lot of these need replacement some years on...does anybody regulate these things?


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## xeresod (25 Jul 2006)

Grizzly said:
			
		

> Many skips are placed directly on the footpath causing pedestrians to walk on the road. If the skips are placed on the road and have no reflective stickers then cars can hit them at night. What is the answer? Half on the road and half on the footpath?


 
How about in the driveway of the person that hired it - then it doesn't inconvenience anybody else.


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## Marie M (25 Jul 2006)

Yes we tried that one alright, then realised we couldn't get out of the garden without hopping over neighbours wall, 8 month pregnant with two kids in tow.


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## angie (25 Jul 2006)

Ha don't worry about it.  Our neighbour has complained us to the residents association for having rubble from a renovation project stored completely on our property at the side of our house for a week while waiting for the skip. Very annoyed but what can you do.  Couldn't be bothered debating it with them.  Do your job and don't worry about these people.


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## Teabag (25 Jul 2006)

Someone once warned me when I was moving to a new estate not to get too friendly with my immediate neighbours because we would more than likely eventually fall out over something and the fallout would be worse for 'friend-neighbours' rather than just neighbours. They said to be polite and civil and attend the odd social occasion but otherwise stay independent.

What do ye think of that advice ?


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## Kiddo (25 Jul 2006)

Total agree with that advice Teabag. My mum said the exact same thing to me before we moved into our house. 

Our immediate next door neighbour is a nosy git who knows everyones business. During our first conversation with him he was able to tell us what everyone around did for a living, where they were from etc, even though he'd only been in for a few weeks...that put me right off him. He's full of questions and even tried to find out how much we earn. ...probably so he could gossip to the rest of the neighbourhood. We just say hi, how are things and leave it at that. Pretty much the same for the rest of the neighbours too.


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## RainyDay (26 Jul 2006)

Some local authorities require [broken link removed] in certain locations.


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## CharlieC (26 Jul 2006)

Teabag said:
			
		

> Someone once warned me when I was moving to a new estate not to get too friendly with my immediate neighbours because we would more than likely eventually fall out over something and the fallout would be worse for 'friend-neighbours' rather than just neighbours. They said to be polite and civil and attend the odd social occasion but otherwise stay independent.
> 
> What do ye think of that advice ?


 
Good fences make good neighbours.


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## Magoo (26 Jul 2006)

Teabag said:
			
		

> Someone once warned me when I was moving to a new estate not to get too friendly with my immediate neighbours because we would more than likely eventually fall out over something and the fallout would be worse for 'friend-neighbours' rather than just neighbours. They said to be polite and civil and attend the odd social occasion but otherwise stay independent.
> 
> What do ye think of that advice ?


 
Couldn't agree more from having learned the hard way.  When we moved to our first house, we thought the social interaction with the new neighbours was great.  It made things more difficult when, on one occasion, we had to confront the crowd next door over their "creative" use of the boundary wall.  We broke contact completely leading to a very frosty existence.  Luckily, they moved some years later and while the new neighbours are very eager to engage, we do our best to keep at arms' length while being polite and civil.

On the flip side, the neighbour across the road always has a wave and a brief chat without being intrusive.  We might ask each other to leave out the bin or something like that.  However, neither of us have been in each other's house and, without it being made explicit, I think we both recognise the importance of a little reserve.


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## RainyDay (27 Jul 2006)

I'm not so sure that I agree with the logic of the 'keep your distance' approach. If a conflict arises, it is going to be difficult to deal with, regardless of whether you get on with the person or not. And a good relationship may well reduce the chances of such problems arising.

We've had a fantastic relationship with one neighbour, and the idea of missing out on this relationship on the chance that problems may arise sometime in the future doesn't make sense to me.


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## amazinevents (9 Aug 2006)

My husband and myself have moved into a new estate a little over a year ago we immediatly got on with some of our neighbors and it has pretty much stay that way. However all the sudden some people decided that we needed to plant trees and we all had to pitch in 50 euros for this dont get me wrong the trees are ok but we didnt need them and i think it should have been up to each of us what we want to do with the front of our propertys. We left this go however. Then one night when we were out with one of our neighbors i simply stated my oppion on the situation. I said that really if we all were going to get involved in things like this we needed a resident association where we all had a say. I got the reply that it was a way to american idea No secret then i am american. I just let it go but a few weeks later the same neighbor had a meeting and set up said resident association. The same three people who organized the trees are in charge of this btw none of the actual residents had a say in this. Some of us asked about getting a gate outside our propertys and this was vetoed. They said it would be to expensive. Then they put out a flyer saying we were going to have a bloc party and asked for suggestions and help. I am an event coordinator and i offered my help they never got back to us and then had this event a weekend they knew we would be in the states. We still get on with all our other neighbors they think the way these two people are acting is ridiculous. Its getting that way, 17 out of 19 houses have dogs and we are the only ones who keep getting complaints about dogs barking all night no matter how many times they have been told i keep my dogs inside and theres no way they are barking all night. Is this the neighbor from hell? I had a surprise party for my husband which rte filmed i invited all my neighbors to it and let them know what was going on a month ahead of time in case they didnt want to be there as the music was going to be going on til around 1 am. i also told them all this and noone had a problem except said neighbor who did everything to try and stop my party. When it viewed on telly she had a party and invited in neighbors to watch it hoping it showed something bad which to her disappointment it not in hopes she could try and get them all to turn against us. Personally we are good neighbors we dont have partys except for birthdays or christmas and hardly ever have guest over but it has gotten to the point we have to watch everything we say and cant sit outside our home without her trying to cause a problem what do we do?
to above question there is always one not all neighbors are so bad but you are better off staying clear of them because you just never know which one is the one.


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## SteelBlue05 (9 Aug 2006)

Hello AmazingEvents, I remember the show on tv, if I am right you had that beach theme party in the back garden?

Anyways some of what you are saying may be just co-incidence, like arranging the party when you were away. I mean would they really go out of the way to remember exactly when you said you were going (and how could they be sure, you may have just said it in passing, they wouldnt know the dates were definitly booked) and then plan the party that weekend. Seems unlikely?

How do you know no one else gets complaints about their dogs?

So one person seems like they dont like you, is that really a big deal? We cant all get on with one another. But sounds like you get on with the majority of your neighbours which is the important thing?


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## amazinevents (9 Aug 2006)

yes that was the show and no its not just coincidence this neighbor is very problemsome. they went out of their way when i suggested dates for the bloc party to say those dates were no good as so and so was away or this or that was going on. also they put invites into others doors letting everyone know what was going on and when and not in ours. personally i dont care what she thinks but because we are leasing  our property there is still a landlord involved and it isnt us that she complains to it is him that she keeps calling trying to get us kicked out. She has mentioned this to us. I have two immediate neighbors with dogs and she has not complained to them about their dogs. Also that is what our landlord had said to this woman is there are so many dogs on the avenue how can she be sure that they are ours and she is adamant it is our dogs barking. Which is not possible as dogs are barking now and mine our lying down next to me.
we are just worried if she keeps this up we will be asked to leave and we are very happy here and dont want to go anywhere.


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## liteweight (10 Aug 2006)

Ah..light dawns!! You lease the house, so she doesn't consider you in the same way as she considers an 'owner'. I'm not sure that you have the right to start up or even attend residents meetings but that's another issue.

There is probably a snobbery factor here i.e. 'she doesn't even own the place, what right has she to make suggestions, attend block parties etc'. This type of person is everywhere but it's unfortunate that you've run into one.

I presume the floor is open to comments at the residents meetings. If I were you, I'd bring up the issue of dogs publicly. I'd say something like "mrs. xxx approached me because of a problem she was having with dogs barking in the night. Unfortunately I wasn't able to solve her problem as I keep my dogs indoors". I'd make a joke of it and say "so the culprit is still out there"!!!

You're probably not the only one this woman has upset although it must feel like it. People like her always have their sycophants so I wouldn't worry about them either. I have lived beside a woman like that for over 20 years, so I know what I am talking about. My neighbour has made it her mission in life to see our road 'tenant free'. She believes renters lower the tone and devalue the property. I kid you not!! I used to be really upset by her. Every time I planted anything, she'd be in to me immediately to ask how high is that going to grow? Her own trees are 40ft high. If my husband or I went near the boundary wall, she'd be out in seconds, asking 'what are you doing there'. In the interest of neighbourly relations, I was alway polite, that is, until I blew one day. I'm smarter these days. How high will it grow? smiling sweetly I say..'as high as I choose to let it'. What are you doing there..'minding my own business and you?' I'd like to say that it has gotten better over the years but it hasn't, I've just learned how to cope.

We're in a different position to you as we own the house. I presume the landlord is with the PRTB. If so you could give them a ring and ask to be put on file, just in case the problem escalates.  No one can ask you to leave based on one woman's complaint which can't be verified. The landlord, however, might get sick of the hassle. Even then he/she cannot put you out without justification.

It seems to me that there is an element of jealousy here. It's a very difficult situation but try not to let it make you miserable. Good Luck.


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## autumnleaf (10 Aug 2006)

Teabag said:


> Someone once warned me when I was moving to a new estate not to get too friendly with my immediate neighbours because we would more than likely eventually fall out over something and the fallout would be worse for 'friend-neighbours' rather than just neighbours. They said to be polite and civil and attend the odd social occasion but otherwise stay independent.
> 
> What do ye think of that advice ?


 

I'd approach neighbours the same way i'd approach workmates. Be friendly and civil in my interactions until i get to know them better. If we hit it off and become friends later, that's great, but i wouldn't expect it.

IMHO, the number of true friends you get over a lifetime are few in number, and you only really know who they are after time and experience. I'd say I have maybe 5 true friends, and i count myself lucky to have that number. One started as a workmate; none were neighbours.


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## Toby (10 Aug 2006)

What do you all think about objecting to a neighbours proposal to build an extension? We are trying to decide whether or not to object. It will be really close to us and cut off tonnes of light but I hate to deny them their nice house and don't want to fall out with them as we see them quite a lot and it will be awkward.


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## whackin (10 Aug 2006)

Well if you object, you will fall out with them. Nobody likes that. Basically you need to decide which you value more, the light or a good neighbourly relationship while bearing in mind how well your objection would be heeded by the planners. 
You could also talk to them and try to get them to revise.


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## roxy (10 Aug 2006)

Would they know it was you objecting? I mean, would they be told?


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## Toby (10 Aug 2006)

Yes, they will know its us if we send an objection to the planning dept. While I want to stay friends with them - I even work with one of them a bit, it doesn't seem reasonable of them to try and build something that could significantly affect the value and appeal of our place. 

I suppose it wouldn't kill us to let them build it but it will somewhat reduce light, privacy etc. Its hard to know how much until its built but it is bigger than the average extension. Should we have to put up with that? We'll be left in this house with a big extension looming behind it for years to come but theres no guarantee they will even stay living there as they have family abroad, although they say they plan to stay. I just don't know. 

We are not against any kind of extension, just not what they have proposed and they know this but don't want to change it to something smaller. I'm just afraid they can't see it from our perspective but I don't want to discuss it too much when I see them as then we'll be on bad terms anyway.


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## delgirl (10 Aug 2006)

It would have been 'neighbourly' of your neighbours to have approached you for your feelings on the extension before they applied for planning permission.

Our neighbour across the road from us is building an extension to the side of her property.  She brought the drawings to us at the planning stage and agreed that the dormer she had planned would obstruct our sea view.  She went back to the architect and he came up with a different design, which was acceptable both to her and us.

I wouldn't object to planning permission as this will definitely cause bad feeling.  Go to them one evening and ask to see the plans and explain that you are concerned about the size and the loss of light etc.   If they're reasonable, maybe you can work something out together.  If not, then you will have to object, but at least you spoke to them first.

Another of my neighbours objected to an extension planned by their next door neighbour without speaking to them first - they don't talk anymore and there's a 'tree war' going on!


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## amazinevents (10 Aug 2006)

Our neighbor from the place down below built a wall and a shed that goes way over the wall that there is no way on earth she got planning permission for. For anyone who seen my beach party on its my party you might remember what i am talking about. Trust me when this house is sold it will devalue it. As you know I am leasing so why would I be concerned except I have every intention of living here long turn and in 2 years time I am consolidating some property I own in the states and using the money to buy this house. This was prediscussed with our landlord so he knows of our intention and has always said to treat the house as if it is our own. Ultimately neither of us ever wanted anyone to know we were leasing and are still trying to figure out how this neighbor figured it out. As to above there are 2 others on the avenue who are leasing as well and she doesnt treat them with the disrespect that she treats me with. My landlord and myself do think that it may have something to do with us leasing. Perhaps she doesnt realize the oher tenants are leasing as well regardless I know that the problem is with me as I am American she always comments thats to american or your not going to make your garden look like national lapoons christmas ect... I rant sorry back to planning permission as much as I dislike this woman and have thought on many occasions when she has caused us problems of calling about the wall and shed its already there and it wouldnt accomplish anything. Your situation is a bit different but I suggest you really do try to come to a compromise with these neighbors exspecially if you get on. If you cant however you have to do what you have to do but remember if anything happens in the future and you need planning permission for something they are likely to object just for spite so think about it hard before you make a decission


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## Gordanus (12 Aug 2006)

liteweight said:


> Ah..light dawns!! You lease the house, so she doesn't consider you in the same way as she considers an 'owner'. I'm not sure that you have the right to start up or even attend residents meetings but that's another issue.



A residents association is exactly what it says - it's not an Owner's Association.  Very few tenants join Residants Assoc, prob because they are not going to stay long and so aren't invested in the area.  But they are entitled to join and make their voice heard.


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## brian.mobile (13 Aug 2006)

Teabag said:


> What do ye think of that advice ?


 
Have to agree. Let's all hark back to the days when we called our neighbours Mr. and Mrs.

Them's was the days. People feel the need to be too pal'y these days....

B


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