# Who enjoys weddings?



## liaconn (6 Aug 2009)

Just wondering how many people on here enjoy going to weddings. Personally, while I appreciate the gesture of being invited, I actually hate having to go to them. I just think they're a really long day, with lots of boring standing around waiting for the bride and groom to leave the Church, waiting for the photographs to be taken so the meal can start, waitng for the room to be cleared so the dancing can start, screeching at the top of your voice to be heard over the band, not to mention all the small talk if you're stuck at a table with people you barely know for the meal. A lot of people I know feel the same and yet couples spend an absolute fortune on these occasions. I often wonder if they're wasting a lot of it on people who don't even want to be there.


----------



## foxylady (6 Aug 2009)

It probably depends on whose wedding it is, I am not normally a fan but a close friend got married last year and we had a ball , I have another close friend getting spliced next month and am actually looking forward to it.


----------



## Graham_07 (6 Aug 2009)

I think I'd take root canal treatment over a wedding anyday.


----------



## Caveat (6 Aug 2009)

I actually like them sometimes.

Apart from being happy for the couple (when relevant) I like the unpredictability, the corniness, the atmosphere and the general mayhem.  (Or maybe I just move in strange circles!)

I'm talking about those weddings when I know the bride/groom at least fairly well.  Any others, I usually don't go to.


----------



## truthseeker (6 Aug 2009)

Hate them.
Boring, long day, too much booze, too much boring small talk.

Would much prefer to take the bride and groom out for a meal (just me, OH and them) so I could have proper conversation with them and a good quality dinner.


----------



## truthseeker (6 Aug 2009)

Caveat said:


> I like the unpredictability, the corniness, the atmosphere and the general mayhem.


 
Most recent one I was at a guest stalked me most of the late evening (while being careful to stay out of sight of my OH) and made some obscene gestures in my direction that I think meant he wanted to hook up. I wasnt too concerned as he had his own partner there, but then she went to bed early and the stalking became a bit more earnest, culmunating in him chasing me round the smoking area while making a number of inappropriate comments........

That was an unpredictable one!!


----------



## Teatime (6 Aug 2009)

truthseeker said:


> Most recent one I was at a guest stalked me most of the late evening (while being careful to stay out of sight of my OH) and made some obscene gestures in my direction that I think meant he wanted to hook up. I wasnt too concerned as he had his own partner there, but then she went to bed early and the stalking became a bit more earnest, culmunating in him chasing me round the smoking area while making a number of inappropriate comments........
> 
> That was an unpredictable one!!


 
I apologise.


----------



## Ciaraella (6 Aug 2009)

They are like most social occasions in that the more people you know that are there and the closer you are to them the better time you will have. I love the corniness of them and the mix of age groups etc. They're one of those occasions where you can dance your heart out without a worry of how silly you look beacuse chances are everyone looks as bad. 
And i'd say to anyone who doesn't enjoy them to politely decline the invite. 
I'm getting married next year and if i saw anyone sitting looking miserable and not attempting to enjoy themselves i'd be tempted to eject them! If someone couldn't afford the day or didn't want to come i'd rather they didn't for both my sake and theirs.
I really dislike the barrage of complaints about traditional weddings that people tend to throw around. It seems very fashionable at the moment to poo poo the 'traditional' irish wedding.


----------



## truthseeker (6 Aug 2009)

Teatime said:


> I apologise.


 
Aw sure go on then, its alright - I forgive you!!


----------



## liaconn (6 Aug 2009)

Just because some of us don't enjoy weddings doesn't mean we sit around looking miserable. Most of us make trojan efforts to look as if we're enjoying ourselves. It is very easy to say politely decline the invitation, but this can result in hurt feelings or family rows and is easier said than done. 

I don't think anyone on here is 'poo pooing' the traditional Irish wedding. Personally, its the big showy weddings which have become very popular in recent years, that I find most excruciating.


----------



## Teatime (6 Aug 2009)

I have to say I've rarely been to an enjoyable wedding. I find some of them tend to be very 'formal' - it depends on the couple and family and how serious they are taking it - actually it depends on the bride and her parents mainly. A good best man speech can often set the tone for the night. The larger the wedding crowd, the less enjoyable the wedding is i.e. > 200 is a disaster IMHO. The night after a wedding can be a great laugh if people stay on for it - people are more relaxed, probably hungover and more familiar with each other etc. The auld ones usually comment on the meal a lot but the meals are rarely above an average carvery lunch no matter where you are and I suppose that is to be expected when feeding 100-300 people.
But yeah it is an expensive weekend and there is a lot of boring waiting around.


----------



## Ciaraella (6 Aug 2009)

liaconn said:


> I don't think anyone on here is 'poo pooing' the traditional Irish wedding. Personally, its the big showy weddings which have become very popular in recent years, that I find most excruciating.


 
Not here but whenever the topic of weddings is brought up, on AAM or otherwise there is always a queue of people to criticise weddings and it can get very frustrating to listen to!


----------



## truthseeker (6 Aug 2009)

liaconn said:


> I don't think anyone on here is 'poo pooing' the traditional Irish wedding. Personally, its the big showy weddings which have become very popular in recent years, that I find most excruciating.


 
Im definitely not poo pooing them - each to their own and all that, but as a guest, I mostly find them boring and painful.


----------



## becky (6 Aug 2009)

liaconn said:


> Just because some of us don't enjoy weddings doesn't mean we sit around looking miserable. Most of us make trojan efforts to look as if we're enjoying ourselves. It is very easy to say politely decline the invitation, but this can result in hurt feelings or family rows and is easier said than done.
> 
> I don't think anyone on here is 'poo pooing' the traditional Irish wedding. Personally, its the big showy weddings which have become very popular in recent years, that I find most excruciating.


 
+ 1

I don't like weddings and I especially don't like people getting precious about me not liking them.

I have a wedding next month where we have to travel 50 miles on a bad road to a normal sort of hotel. 

The BTB doesn't seem to think that this is a problem for anyone and can't figure out why more people are not staying a second night because she'd like to make a weekend out of it.

The room is costing €190 for one night but if we want to stay 2 nights we get a special deal of €360 for 2 nights.


----------



## becky (6 Aug 2009)

Ciaraella said:


> Not here but whenever the topic of weddings is brought up, on AAM or otherwise there is always a queue of people to criticise weddings and it can get very frustrating to listen to!


 
Thats' because you can't do it in real life.  Tis the only place to vent.


----------



## Sue Ellen (6 Aug 2009)

Teatime said:


> I apologise.



Were you appropriately dressed/not for the occasion


----------



## corkgal (6 Aug 2009)

I hate them.


----------



## Newbie! (7 Aug 2009)

Ok for those who dislike weddings, what could be done to improve the day? Or could anything be done? I'm getting married in a month and totally understand that some guests wont be particularly into the day but would like to make it as enjoyable as possible. I want something understated and simple but This post will be deleted if not edited immediately its hard to come up with ideas. Any ideas here?


----------



## truthseeker (7 Aug 2009)

Newbie! said:


> Ok for those who dislike weddings, what could be done to improve the day? Or could anything be done? I'm getting married in a month and totally understand that some guests wont be particularly into the day but would like to make it as enjoyable as possible. I want something understated and simple but This post will be deleted if not edited immediately its hard to come up with ideas. Any ideas here?


 
Just a party would be grand. 
But the church, the wait between the church and the meal, the wait between the meal and the dancing are all the boring bits where there is nothing to do but drink and make small talk with strangers. (well maybe not drink IN the church, but you know what I mean!!) - actually Id even suffer the church happily enough if I could just go straight to a bit of grub after it.

Oh and a DJ doing rave style dance music is a complete party killer with all the varying age groups at it.


----------



## Mpsox (7 Aug 2009)

it depends on the wedding, I don't mind the church bit as long as they don't go overboard, a bad meal is a downer, I've had some great ones and some that I wouldn't give to a dog. Likewise long speeches are a killer, my father-in-law set the standard when I was getting married, we timed it on the video afterwards, 38 seconds, who needs more

Likewise a great band can make the day, cousin of mine had the Cork City Jazz band who were tremendous and suited all ages

What I hate are when my staff get married, they usually invite the boss as a courtesy, it's hard to say no but I never really relax and enjoy the day.


----------



## Teatime (7 Aug 2009)

Sue Ellen said:


> Were you appropriately dressed/not for the occasion


 
I did suggest it but truthseeker thought it might be too prickly...


----------



## liaconn (7 Aug 2009)

Caveat said:


> I actually like them sometimes.
> 
> Apart from being happy for the couple (when relevant) I like the unpredictability, the corniness, the atmosphere and the general mayhem. (Or maybe I just move in strange circles!)
> .


 

To be honest, this is what I find lacking in most weddings. They all just seem to follow the same formula - bland meal in a bland hotel room followed by an ear splitting band that kill all attempts at conversation and drive all the elderly relatives to leave early. I find it quite difficult to distinguish one wedding from another afterwards. The couple of weddings I do remember are the ones which didn't follow the conventional route and also the ones that had a small crowd instead of a cast of hundreds.


----------



## michaelm (7 Aug 2009)

My general policy is that I never go to a wedding that I can get out of.





Newbie! said:


> Ok for those who dislike weddings, what could be done to improve the day? Or could anything be done? I'm getting married in a month and totally understand that some guests wont be particularly into the day but would like to make it as enjoyable as possible. I want something understated and simple but This post will be deleted if not edited immediately its hard to come up with ideas. Any ideas here?


Your day is probably already set in stone.  I find the photographer and videographer to be a nuisance at weddings, I didn't bother with either at mine; my wife made up an album from the best of the guests photos.


----------



## Teatime (7 Aug 2009)

michaelm said:


> I find the photographer and videographer to be a nuisance at weddings, I didn't bother with either at mine; my wife made up an album from the best of the guests photos.


 
I agree, endless photo shoots and videos make the whole thing seem completely staged. Some people are more worried about the photo album and DVD than enjoying the day itself.

The next worst thing than a boring wedding is being forced to watch the wedding video !!!


----------



## foxylady (7 Aug 2009)

I wonder do the Bride and Groom enjoy the day themselves, I probably should say Bride as the men usually don't do stress and it doesnt matter too much if they get drunk


----------



## Caveat (7 Aug 2009)

I didn't particularly enjoy mine. I was worrying too much about everyone else.  Ours was a pretty low key affair and all.


----------



## RMCF (8 Aug 2009)

Not a fan at all, but unfortunately you can rarely say no if its a close friend or work colleague.

My most hated bit, the speeches.

95% of those at the wedding have heard 95% of the speeches/jokes before but you still have to laugh like its a fresh joke.

"I think you'll agree how beautiful my new wife (cheer) looks today" (applause).


----------



## mugga (8 Aug 2009)

I don't like weddings much but the best wedding I ever went to was an evening wedding during the winter. The wedding took place at five o' clock and then on to the hotel. It was more like a good night out. There was no hanging around all day and everyone enjoyed themselves just as much.


----------



## Mauri (8 Aug 2009)

Don't like weddings or other functions where I know very few people, not into trying to make small talk with strangers.

My pet hate about weddings is the eternal wait after arriving at hotel for meal to be served, sometimes up to four hours. Is this a suggestion made by hotels so we will spend lots of money on alcohol? I can't tolerate alcohol on an empty stomach.

Apart from the old rumbling tummy I mostly find it very boring unless its a family wedding and I have people I know to chat to.

Was at my husbands niece's wedding recently and it was very well organised, despite my reservations when I learned the church service was at 1.30pm. I thought here we go again, another wedding of hours hanging around.

But no, church 1.30. Arrive at hotel 2.45. Tea coffee biccies on arrival. Bride and Groom arrive at hotel about thirty minutes later after their photo session.
After their arrival we were served savory finger food, which went down a treat with a G&T. Dinner at the reasonable time of 5.30.
Floor cleared very quickly for dancing. Brilliant band, suited all ages and not too ear splitting. Absconded when the disco started at 1.30.am after having a very enjoyable day.

Can anyone tell me, do hotels dictate time of serving dinner?


----------



## liaconn (9 Aug 2009)

It seems, from all the posts on here, that what most people hate about weddings are:

a. Being forced to hang around for hours making small talk and drinking on an empty stomach while the bride and groom are off being photographed  beside some picturesque lake or rose bed.

b. The loud raucous bands that exclude anyone who doesn't want to dance from enjoying the proceedings.

Maybe any future brides and grooms reading this thread might take note.


----------



## liaconn (10 Aug 2009)

A custom I would actually like to see re-introduced, is the bride and groom changing into 'going away' clothes and all the guests standing on the steps of the hotel waving them off to start their married lives together. I think this was much nicer than guests just slipping off at the end of the evening while a slightly bedraggled bride and groom head for the residents' lounge with a few die hards.


----------



## DeeFox (10 Aug 2009)

I'm not married but am in a long term relationship. Have been to three weddings in the past three months and, while I have enjoyed them, I do think the "set formula" is very staid.  I'd like to see entertainment at weddings other than the traditional band and dj.  One of the weddings did have fireworks and I thought that was a great idea because everyone left the main room to get a breath of fresh air - giving the hotel staff a chance to clean up.  Someone else told me about a wedding where photos of the couple as children were played on a screen at the reception before the dinner and this gave people a laugh - a nice ideaI thought.


----------



## deedee80 (11 Aug 2009)

I love weddings - I particularly enjoyed my own!

I did what I could to make it a really enjoyable day for my guests.  I was right on time and walking up the aisle at 1pm (I think I was actually there before some of the guests...!).  There was no making guests hang around after the mass for photos, my husband and I got some taken and everyone headed to the hotel at their leisure.  Upon arrival at the hotel I had tea/coffee/hot nuts/sambos/non alcoholic cocktails and mojitos for the guests.  We had 2 hours until the meal and it was a lovely day so people sat outside with food and cocktails.  For something a bit different I did photo keyings as favours, the pics were taken during the drinks reception and the key rings were at the peoples places when they entered the room for the meal.  The meal was gorgeous, faultless, and people were offered loads of extra meat and veg (part of the reason we chose the venue was because of the food).  I made party bags for each of the kids at the wedding and these were handed out by the staff after the meal.  The kids were all so chuffed and good as gold during speeches as they were so enthralled with their gifts (tiaras, jewellery, stickers, colouring pencils, feather boas, hair slides, that sorta thing for the girls).  I had the paddy power sweepstake kits for during the speeches on each table so it made that a bit more fun.  We had an excellent band, then Irish Dancers, then excellent DJ.  It was a very fun relaxed day with loads of food and drink provided and everything went like clockwork.  I had a bus to take people from the church to the hotel and then after the dj it dropped people off at 3 different destinations.  All the guests really had to do on the day was turn up and enjoy themselves.
So many people have told me it was the most fun wedding they have ever been to!

The weddings which I don't enjoy as much are usually the ones where little effort has been put in.  Crappy meal followed by useless dj that plays for 5 hours then taxi home.


----------



## ney001 (11 Aug 2009)

Have to say I am definitely not a big fan of weddings and try to avoid at all costs - have even in the past made sure to book my holidays on the same date as an upcoming wedding.  I think the majority of Irish weddings all follow the same pattern - same outfits, bride usually in strapless white gown all of which look the same to me, loads of hanging around, decent enough food when it does come out but am usually half cut from drinking on empty stomach so not bothered eating!.  Any weddings I have been to recently - the brides have all been saying how they want to do things differently etc and therefore they have brought in a troup of Irish dancers or something to entertain- the same Irish dancers at last three weddings i attended! (no offense intended DeeDee).  Overall everything follows the same pattern, same speeches, same clothes, same entertainment & food, usually dies a death around 12 when everybody is hammered and gone to bed, not my thing at all!.  I think the main problem is that even the couple don't enjoy it, I don't know many who actually said that they enjoyed the full day, usually too busy worrying about guests etc.  I will be keeping mine very simple I can tell you!


----------



## Mpsox (11 Aug 2009)

ney001 said:


> Have to say I am definitely not a big fan of weddings and try to avoid at all costs - have even in the past made sure to book my holidays on the same date as an upcoming wedding. I think the majority of Irish weddings all follow the same pattern - same outfits, bride usually in strapless white gown all of which look the same to me, loads of hanging around, decent enough food when it does come out but am usually half cut from drinking on empty stomach so not bothered eating!. Any weddings I have been to recently - the brides have all been saying how they want to do things differently etc and therefore they have brought in a troup of Irish dancers or something to entertain- the same Irish dancers at last three weddings i attended! (no offense intended DeeDee). Overall everything follows the same pattern, same speeches, same clothes, same entertainment & food, usually dies a death around 12 when everybody is hammered and gone to bed, not my thing at all!. I think the main problem is that even the couple don't enjoy it, I don't know many who actually said that they enjoyed the full day, usually too busy worrying about guests etc. I will be keeping mine very simple I can tell you!


 
We kept ours very simple 4 years ago, 65 people at it , one best man and bridesmaid( I've never understood why you'd need more), really good food, good band and nothing too fancy. We'd read all the magazines, gone to a couple of fairs and really decided to draw a line when we saw ads for doves and butterflys

Each to their own but by keeping it simple we didn't have to worry about things going wrong and we had an absolute ball and it was the 2nd best day of my life (best was the birth of our smallie 2 years later). On top of that, we didn't spend a fortune, I got a decent ordinary suit, no dress suit or any stuff like that, wife bought her dress in the annual sale at that shop in Athboy whose name I can't remember. Our only OTT thing was that my wife, as a music lover, wanted really good music in the church so we splashed out a little there and a really good photographer. We'd no video other then a friend with a camera on a stand.

Above all, we controlled it ourselves, our wedding, we were paying for it and the inlaws on both sides had to deal with it and accept our choices( and in fairness, bar one aunt, they did)


----------



## deedee80 (11 Aug 2009)

I must say I thoroughly enjoyed mine and didn't worry about the guests at all.  I just felt that after all the effort I had put in if they didn't enjoy it then it was their problem!

I often find people love to say oh I'll be having little fuss at mine or I'll be keeping mine very simple, its all about me and my fiance yada yada....  Thats all well and good but these are usually the weddings where very little effort has been put in and the guests have a very long tedious day.  If you want little fuss or to keep it simple I think the only thing to do is head off just the bride and groom and get married, that really is no fuss and just about the two of you.  If not, and you are expecting guests to give up their day to spend with you (and quite often give an expensive gift) then you have to entertain them (whether they've seen it all before or not).  
Another thing I always find gas is when say 'Mary' says she is going abroad to get married as its just so much less fuss.  Turns out its Mary plus 100 guests in Spain with the exact same wedding as they would have in Ireland only people had to get a flight to the venue and stay for 3 or 4 days.  How is that less fuss!  

Weddings are pretty much all the same, whether they are here or abroad, no fuss or loads of fuss, once there is good food, good entertainment and good company then its usually a great day out! (unless your some sort of oddball that doesn't like socialising).  

I do think this debate could go on and on though!


----------



## ney001 (11 Aug 2009)

Of course different strokes for different folks applies here, some want a traditional style wedding, some want something a little different.  For us, we have told guests no presents or money, we are having short civil ceremony followed by couple of drinks then a meal in nice restaurant with good band playing  (choice of ten main courses)  - we have then reserved vip area in bar/nightclub for after restaurant for those who wish to party on.  I have a short dress which I will be changing out of after meal - jeans and a top for the rest of the night.  Money they would have given on us will be spent on their own hotel rooms etc should they so require. 

I also think the mentality from the wedding dress shops and the wedding market in general here is that it is not a wedding unless its a big white dress and bridesmaids etc - I was treated with nothing short of scorn by a couple of these shops when I informed them that I wanted a short white dress for civil ceremony.  I also went to the wedding fair in the RDS hoping for something just a little different in terms of venue/clothes etc and left after half an hour.  Everything on offer is the same, same cars, same clothes, same type of hotels etc -I think there is a market out there for smaller city weddings, something a bit funky and lets face it cheaper,  but from what I can see nobody is catering for it!


----------



## Firefly (11 Aug 2009)

Book out a restaurant, everyone pays for their own meal and no presents...everyone wins


----------



## liaconn (11 Aug 2009)

deedee80 said:


> Weddings are pretty much all the same, whether they are here or abroad, no fuss or loads of fuss, once there is good food, good entertainment and good company then its usually a great day out! (unless your some sort of oddball that doesn't like socialising).



I don't think that's a fair comment. The majority of people on here have said they find the traditional wedding tedious. Are we all oddballs who don't like socialising?

In fairness, I think a lot of couples would like to keep their wedding quiet and simple or do something a bit different and individual, but come under pressure from parents to have the usual 'do' in a hotel that all the relatives and neighbours can come along to. And parents are a big part of your life and shouldn't be made to feel excluded from such a momentous day in that life. So I suppose a lot of it ends up being a compromise.


----------



## Mauri (11 Aug 2009)

ney001 said:


> Of course different strokes for different folks applies here, some want a traditional style wedding, some want something a little different.  For us, we have told guests no presents or money, we are having short civil ceremony followed by couple of drinks then a meal in nice restaurant with good band playing  (choice of ten main courses)  - we have then reserved vip area in bar/nightclub for after restaurant for those who wish to party on.  I have a short dress which I will be changing out of after meal - jeans and a top for the rest of the night.  Money they would have given on us will be spent on their own hotel rooms etc should they so require.
> 
> 
> What a sensible idea.  Why should we go along with other peoples expectations?
> ...


----------



## liaconn (11 Aug 2009)

Something that always amazes me is the number of people who say 'we'd love to get married, but we can't afford to'. What they mean is they can't afford to invite 200 guests for a 4 course meal, with an elaborate cake and an expensive band and a big leather bound album full of staged photographs. Seems terribly sad to not get married for this reason. Why not just have your family to a ceremony and for a simple lunch or dinner afterwards? You're still married.


----------



## deedee80 (12 Aug 2009)

> I don't think that's a fair comment. The majority of people on here have said they find the traditional wedding tedious. Are we all oddballs who don't like socialising?


 
I personally think its a very fair comment and you have taken it up wrong. It was about weddings in general (never mentioned anything re traditional/non traditional weddings). I really feel that no matter what the wedding is like (civil ceremony followed by a meal, or a big do in a hotel), once the food, entertainment and company is good then its usually a great day out! And anyone who doesn't enjoy good company, good food and good entertainment, in my book is pretty odd!


----------



## liaconn (12 Aug 2009)

deedee80 said:


> I personally think its a very fair comment and you have taken it up wrong. It was about weddings in general (never mentioned anything re traditional/non traditional weddings). I really feel that no matter what the wedding is like (civil ceremony followed by a meal, or a big do in a hotel), once the food, entertainment and company is good then its usually a great day out! And anyone who doesn't enjoy good company, good food and good entertainment, in my book is pretty odd!


 
Yes, but your idea of good company and good entertainment mightn't be someone else's. It just annoys me when some decides that anyone who isn't enjoying something that they're enjoying is 'odd' or 'anti-social'.


----------



## Ash 22 (12 Aug 2009)

I love being invited to a wedding and I'm really amazed at the number of people who don't enjoy going to weddings. I love everything about the day, the Church ceremony, meal, speeches and chat. I think its a lovely relaxing day away from everything for a full day and its celebrating such a lovely happy occassion.


----------



## truthseeker (12 Aug 2009)

liaconn said:


> Yes, but your idea of good company and good entertainment mightn't be someone else's. It just annoys me when some decides that anyone who isn't enjoying something that they're enjoying is 'odd' or 'anti-social'.


 
I agree with this, its not that I dont enjoy good food, company and entertainment, but weddings are not my idea of all of that.

Food - I always find the meal far too rich after drinking on an empty stomach, plus choice is generally restricted. It may come as a surprise, but I dont like beef too much - and thats whats been served at the last 3 weddings Ive been at.

Company - Unless its the wedding of a very close friend where Im surrounded by other very close friends, then I just end up making small talk with relative strangers. Not that thats a big problem, but it gets tedious after hours and hours of it - unless you are lucky enough to find someone mega interesting to chat to - which Im usually not.

Entertainment - usually the entertainment is a live band followed by a DJ (or sometimes just a DJ) - while I enjoy a bit of live music, its all a bit samey with wedding bands, and I cant usually distinguish one band from another.

So I cant see how any of the above would induce me to have an amazing time at a wedding. Add into that the long delays and boring bits already discussed and what I end up with is the knowledge that Ive to go to yet another tedious event, that will blur into memory with all the others Ive ever been to unless there is something dramatically different - and there usually isnt.


----------



## liaconn (12 Aug 2009)

Going slightly off topic, but does anyone else find the business of standing up and clapping when the bride and groom enter the dining room a bit fake and cringey?


----------



## Teatime (12 Aug 2009)

deedee80 said:


> And anyone who doesn't enjoy good company, good food and good entertainment, in my book is pretty odd!


 
Thats a bit simplistic DeeDee. I love a good meal with my friends and a few pints in a lively pub then home to my own comfy bed but I dislike weddings - what gives? Am I odd? Firstly weddings are rarely good food, good entertainment & good company. For the reasons mentioned earlier in this post, weddings are a complete drag especially ones where you have to travel long distances or where there are more than 200 people. 
Its funny when people ask me "do you remember at my wedding...?" - I can never distinguish one wedding from another because they all merge in my memory as one long wedding. Its very rare that a particular wedding stands out. The wedding 'afters' can be a little less of a drag if the wedding is local but the concept of 'afters' is a bit rude too.


----------



## truthseeker (12 Aug 2009)

Teatime said:


> especially ones where you have to travel long distances


 
I forgot about the ones you have to travel long distances for. I once travelled a 6 hour car journey to and from a wedding, had to stay 2 nights in the hotel because it was so far away (it was a VERY expensive hotel), and then the couple in question had the cheek to break up a year later.
I felt like asking for my present back!!

If long travel is involved that means 2 nights in the hotel it can run to around 1000 euro to attend (between outfit, hotel, travel expenses, gift and drink on the day).


----------



## csirl (12 Aug 2009)

I can't stand those weddings were the bride and groom think that it is a great idea to mix up the guests so that everyone is sitting with people they dont know. Usually end up being boring small talk.

The weddings I enjoy most are those where I can sit with close friends and family and relax and enjoy.


----------



## Ash 22 (12 Aug 2009)

Just a thought that maybe those of you who don't enjoy weddings why do you bother going to them if they are such a chore?


----------



## ney001 (12 Aug 2009)

Ash 22 said:


> Just a thought that maybe those of you who don't enjoy weddings why do you bother going to them if they are such a chore?




Because it's a bit simplistic to simply say you cannot go!.  Weddings bring out all kinds of emotions between families, simply not going to a wedding because you don't like them could set off arguments of all kinds within the family/group of friends.  Personally as stated if I really don't want to go to a wedding I will try to arrange say holidays or something around that time and tell them I had them booked ages ago..... however you cannot always do this and you cannot always just not go, sometimes you just gotta suck it up and go to keep the peace!

Also, I'm not saying that all weddings are rubbish, I will usually manage to have a good time but generally speaking I think the weddings follow the exact same formula over and over again, same bands same clothes same everything, yet each bride I have spoken to seems to think that their wedding was actually different and huge fun for everybody.  The best times I have had at weddings are usually a small group of us in the pub/at the bar having a laugh far away from the rubbish dancing and DJ.


----------



## Ciaraella (12 Aug 2009)

It seems to me that from most people's comments that quality and how well they know the people are the main things. If i went to a restaraunt and had terrible food with a crowd of people i barely knew i'd hate it. Similarly for weddings. I think the problem is all weddings getting tarred with the same brush. Our wedding will be realtively small in comparison to some, 100 people (and with both fathers having ten siblings each i think this is doing well!). Our extended families have met several times so there's some familiarity there. There is no one going that doesn't know at least 8 or 9 other people. Our music in the church is being performed by family and we're having a beatles band because we love them, we know alot of our families love them and they are a good band to reach across most age groups. So while i'm having a traditional wedding i feel it's still very personal and family orientated whcih in my book is what a wedding and indeed a marriage is all about.


----------



## truthseeker (12 Aug 2009)

Ash 22 said:


> Just a thought that maybe those of you who don't enjoy weddings why do you bother going to them if they are such a chore?


 
Youre damned if you do and your damned if you dont. Usually I go because it would be considered bad form for me not to go if my only reason is 'i just dont like weddings' - its not about what i like, its about what the bride and groom want etc....

Put simply, it would be considered selfish not to go for that reason.

I never go unless I absolutely have to.


----------



## truthseeker (12 Aug 2009)

Ciaraella said:


> It seems to me that from most people's comments that quality and how well they know the people are the main things.


 
Theres also the element of sameyness though. I loved the first couple of weddings I went to as an adult, seemed so exciting and a 'different' social event. Once the novelty wore off I just found them samey and boring - no matter who is at them.


----------



## Ciaraella (12 Aug 2009)

truthseeker said:


> Theres also the element of sameyness though. I loved the first couple of weddings I went to as an adult, seemed so exciting and a 'different' social event. Once the novelty wore off I just found them samey and boring - no matter who is at them.


 

Well that's true, and of anything really, novelty adds a certain something to an event. I'm lucky in that we're the first grandchildern on both sides to get married in Ireland so hopefully everyone will enjoy!


----------



## truthseeker (12 Aug 2009)

Ciaraella said:


> Well that's true, and of anything really, novelty adds a certain something to an event. I'm lucky in that we're the first grandchildern on both sides to get married in Ireland so hopefully everyone will enjoy!


 
The smaller they are the better they usually are. Ive totally blurred out all the 150+ weddings Ive ever been to, but remember fondly one i was at with only 35 people.

I will come back to this thread in 3 weeks time with a story for ye, cant tell now, would ruin the secret


----------



## liaconn (12 Aug 2009)

Ash 22 said:


> Just a thought that maybe those of you who don't enjoy weddings why do you bother going to them if they are such a chore?


 

Why do you think?Because we don't want to hurt people's feelings or embarass our  parents if its a family wedding.


----------



## Ash 22 (12 Aug 2009)

Yes I can see the various reasons now why some people don't enjoy weddings and thats fine, different people enjoy different things in life. I don't enjoy going to pubs unless theres some very good music that I like on. 

Its quite sad really if people find weddings a bore because the poor bride puts so much thought into her wedding day and so much preparations go into making sure everything goes off well and everybody is happy. I hope there are not too many brides-to-be reading all these posts or they will get very dis-illusioned. 

Yes maybe people are hurt if you don't go to their wedding but is it still not very hurtful if you have guests going around after the wedding saying it was such a boring day.


----------



## liaconn (12 Aug 2009)

Ash 22 said:


> Yes I can see the various reasons now why some people don't enjoy weddings and thats fine, different people enjoy different things in life. I don't enjoy going to pubs unless theres some very good music that I like on.
> 
> Its quite sad really if people find weddings a bore because the poor bride puts so much thought into her wedding day and so much preparations go into making sure everything goes off well and everybody is happy. I hope there are not too many brides-to-be reading all these posts or they will get very dis-illusioned.
> 
> Yes maybe people are hurt if you don't go to their wedding but is it still not very hurtful if you have guests going around after the wedding saying it was such a boring day.


 

Well, as the instigator of this thread, the point I was trying to make was that couples spend an absolute fortune on wedding receptions and half the guests don't even enjoy them. It seems like a terrible, terrible waste of money to me. Can you honestly remember what you had to eat at the last wedding you were at, what kind of dresses the bridesmaids wore, or whether the napkins matched the groom's tie and cummerbund. Most weddings cost the equivalent of a year's mortgage or more and most couples are not that flush with money. Yet they hock themselves up to the eyeballs for an occasion that most people don't even really appreciate. I just think most people would be better off having a small and meaningful occasion and saving their money for more important things. Anyway, just my opinion. I'm sure lots of people will disagree.


----------



## truthseeker (12 Aug 2009)

liaconn said:


> Well, as the instigator of this thread, the point I was trying to make was that couples spend an absolute fortune on wedding receptions and half the guests don't even enjoy them. It seems like a terrible, terrible waste of money to me. Can you honestly remember what you had to eat at the last wedding you were at, what kind of dresses the bridesmaids wore, or whether the napkins matched the groom's tie and cummerbund. Most weddings cost the equivalent of a year's mortgage or more and most couples are not that flush with money. Yet they hock themselves up to the eyeballs for an occasion that most people don't even really appreciate. I just think most people would be better off having a small and meaningful occasion and saving their money for more important things. Anyway, just my opinion. I'm sure lots of people will disagree.


 
Couldnt agree more. 
I think people do it because 'its the done thing' as well. 
Most married friends of mine didnt even really enjoy the day because its stressful etc, in fact most of them say if they could go back and do it again theyd do a quiet meaningful affair.


----------



## Teatime (12 Aug 2009)

Ash 22 said:


> Its quite sad really if people find weddings a bore because the poor bride puts so much thought into her wedding day and so much preparations go into making sure everything goes off well and everybody is happy. I hope there are not too many brides-to-be reading all these posts or they will get very dis-illusioned.
> 
> Yes maybe people are hurt if you don't go to their wedding but is it still not very hurtful if you have guests going around after the wedding saying it was such a boring day.


 
But thats the thing - nobody goes around saying weddings are boring and I do feel sorry for the brides and the anti-climax they must feel. The pressure on 'show-off' weddings during the Celtic Tiger was huge and so was the price. To me it's a case of the Emperor's new clothes. I rarely say to my friends that I dislike weddings because I have been to their weddings and they've been to mine. It's much easier to say it anonymously on AAM!! I think if people are honest, the vast majority of people dont like going to weddings and the rest need to get out more !!...the first few and your own are good but after that its Groundhog Day.


----------



## Black Sheep (12 Aug 2009)

I think the wedding I enjoyed most was in Paris. French bride, Irish groom.
Civil cermony first in the beautiful town hall followed a few photos. The coach then arrived to take all non french guests on a scenic tour of Paris. Then on to the church service which was conducted in both english and french. A few more photos in the park opposite.
Coach took us to hotel where all the friends (the office gang etc) joined in for drinks and canopays, mainly fruit drinks but some alcholic also.
About 7p.m. were all called for main meal of about 10 courses. Music was provided between courses by various artists, some classical, some Irish.

Altogether the most delicious food I have ever had and the most enjoyable wedding. A boat trip on the Seine was organised by bride and groom for all guests the following day


----------



## MandaC (12 Aug 2009)

Weddings seem to be like children.  Everyone loves their own, (though I can t say I have had either, Wedding or Children)  Everyone seems to think their wedding was different and better, but the only thing that  really matters is that THE COUPLE enjoy it. 

It is amazing to see how the most calm and nice people turn into Bridezillas. 

I agree with the sentiments expressed here, most weddings unless they are immediate family, bore a hole through people.   

If I ever do get hitched and it is unlikely now, it is off to the Chapel of Love in Vegas for me, and down route 66 in a convertible,  something I have always wanted to do.  Will pay for it myself and dont want or expect anyone elses cash.    I am not really interested whether auntie Maude who crawled out from under her rock, having not been seen for years complained about the lumpy mash potato.  

Was at a wedding recently where one of the favours was, and I dont know if anyone remembers these, those fish you used to get in lucky bags years ago, and depending on the heat of your hand, turned over, curled up, etc.  They supposedly told your fortune.   My fortune fish worked out to be "dead fish" which said it all about the day really.  

And I do agree if there is one thing worse than a wedding, its a wedding video


----------



## Teatime (12 Aug 2009)

MandaC said:


> Weddings seem to be like children. Everyone loves their own, (though I can t say I have had either, Wedding or Children)


 
Might I suggest a shotgun wedding?


----------



## ney001 (12 Aug 2009)

Ash 22 said:


> Its quite sad really if people find weddings a bore because the poor bride puts so much thought into her wedding day and so much preparations go into making sure everything goes off well and everybody is happy. I hope there are not too many brides-to-be reading all these posts or they will get very dis-illusioned.
> 
> Yes maybe people are hurt if you don't go to their wedding but is it still not very hurtful if you have guests going around after the wedding saying it was such a boring day.



Poor bride my ..............foot!  You seem to be suggesting that all of these brides have gone to trouble and expense to entertain guests who don't appreciate it! The reality is that it is their decision to have this big wedding they want the princess for a day feeling and let's be honest most couples getting married will more than cover the cost of food and entertainment via money received as gifts! Big white weddings are fine but fine if that's what you want but don't expect everybody to like them!


----------



## ney001 (12 Aug 2009)

Teatime said:


> Might I suggest a shotgun wedding?



actually one of the best weddings I was at was a shotgun wedding. Bride was 8 Months. Many funny moments throughout the day as both sets of parents seemed to be in denial about pending baby and quick wedding ! Bride sober and grumpy groom hammered all day. Very funny


----------



## MandaC (12 Aug 2009)

Teatime said:


> Might I suggest a shotgun wedding?



Teatime, that might be fine if I wanted either, but the thought alone just brings me out in a cold sweat.  

I could find nothing more mind numbingly boring than seating plans/cake choices/favours (these things particurarly get on my 
wick)/wedding planners/matching linen chair covers,

I used to watch that program Brides of Franc with a morbid fascination and then wonder if I was of the same species as these people.  They had once a Harry Potter themed Wedding(!!!) and also a D&G themed wedding, both of which were scary stuff but for different reasons.  

I am probably getting very selfish in my old age, but I just could not be bothered.  I have become an old cynic.

I usually find the best weddings are those planned with less military precision and allow people to relax.


----------



## deedee80 (13 Aug 2009)

> Teatime
> Frequent Poster
> Location: Galway
> Posts: 70
> ...


 
So what you are saying is that you dislike weddings on a whole, so even if the food, entertainment and company was great you still probably wouldn't really enjoy it??  (Lets leave aside whether its rarely good or not, it won't always be good, that was not my point.)

Maybe you feel I have a simplistic view but I really do enjoy myself if I am out with my friends and the food and entertainment is good, I love a good wedding!  I have been to weddings where the company, food and entertainment are not good and of course its not as enjoyable, I'm not some simpleton who's just mad to get out for the day  
But as I have said before, if you can wholeheartedly say that you went to a wedding and the food, entertainment and company was good but you still didn't enjoy it, well I just don't understand this!


----------



## liaconn (13 Aug 2009)

MandaC said:


> Teatime, that might be fine if I wanted either, but the thought alone just brings me out in a cold sweat.
> 
> I could find nothing more mind numbingly boring than seating plans/cake choices/favours (these things particurarly get on my
> wick)/wedding planners/matching linen chair covers,
> ...


 
Ah yes, Brides of Franc. I remember one bride who was having her reception in a castle with a working farm. She wanted all the haystacks removed from the fields because they were spoiling the view .

The nicest wedding I was at was one where the reception was held in the bride and groom's new, unfurnished house. They drove themselves from the church in an old vintage car belonging to the bride's uncle (which it took them ages to get started) and the bride and groom went around serving the food and wine along with family helpers. A friend of the groom took the photos - a few formal ones outside the church and just casual ones after that, and the brides' brother did the video. People were sitting in the back garden, the front garden and on cushions on the floor. Dessert was huge boxes of belgian chocolates and a wedding cake the mother of the bride had made. The neighbouring kids knocked in to ask if they 'could help' and were brought in to enjoy the fun. It was a lovely day. Much nicer than sitting in the function room of a hotel, making small talk with the groom's boss over your roast lamb, while an identical wedding reception goes on in the function room next door.


----------



## truthseeker (13 Aug 2009)

deedee80 said:


> but I really do enjoy myself if I am out with my friends and the food and entertainment is good


 
So do I - but this combination rarely happens at any wedding Ive ever been at. 
Plus when Im out with my friends for good food and entertainment I dont usually have to hang around for hours drinking on an empty stomach waiting for photographs to finish or clear out of rooms waiting for tables to be moved, or make poilte small talk with random strangers for hours on end.


----------



## liaconn (13 Aug 2009)

truthseeker said:


> so do i - but this combination rarely happens at any wedding ive ever been at.
> Plus when im out with my friends for good food and entertainment i dont usually have to hang around for hours drinking on an empty stomach waiting for photographs to finish or clear out of rooms waiting for tables to be moved, or make poilte small talk with random strangers for hours on end.


 
+1.


----------



## deedee80 (13 Aug 2009)

Have things not moved on from this sorta thing though?

Last 3 weddings I was at (including my own) there was loads of food and drink at the drinks reception provided by the bride and groom, it was really enjoyable not "hanging around for hours" and no waiting for rooms to be cleared out and tables moved in the evening at all!  I would think it crazy to go to a wedding now that didn't provide even a sambo while the photos are being taken, I'd be drunk after 1 drink if I had no lunch!


----------



## liaconn (13 Aug 2009)

The last wedding I was at, there was a few crisps while we were waiting. They also provided champagne for the top table during the toasts but just ordinary drinks for the other tables. Then, because one table complained about the sun in their eyes, all the curtains were closed and we had to sit in the dark. It was my cousin's wedding and they invited some cousins and didn't invite others, selected apparently randomly (not just the eldest in each family or anything like that) because they were trying to keep numbers down to save on expense. Then they spent a fortune getting the chairs decked out in fancy white covers! There was a choice of roast beef or fish for the meal but anybody who asked if they could have their beef well done was told 'no' it was being cooked one way and one way only.


----------



## truthseeker (13 Aug 2009)

deedee80 said:


> Have things not moved on from this sorta thing though?
> 
> Last 3 weddings I was at (including my own) there was loads of food and drink at the drinks reception provided by the bride and groom, it was really enjoyable not "hanging around for hours" and no waiting for rooms to be cleared out and tables moved in the evening at all! I would think it crazy to go to a wedding now that didn't provide even a sambo while the photos are being taken, I'd be drunk after 1 drink if I had no lunch!


 
There was a drinks reception at the last one I was at, but the only food was a biscuit on the side of a tea saucer. Meanwhile dinner was delayed because of photographs so the drinks reception went on for 4 hours. Thats 4 hours of small talk with strangers, no food and drinking on an empty stomach. Not fun.


----------



## Caveat (13 Aug 2009)

Well our wedding was a pretty low key affair.  

No church, about 50 guests, 'shabby chic' local hotel that we loved, no band (just a DJ under fairly strict instruction as to what to play, when to play it and how loud). No 'bridal gown', our mate was 'the photographer' and he was great at it.

Just a nice meal, drinks, kind of a laid back party atmosphere.

We spent far far more on the meal and free drinks than we did on anything else.

I'm pretty sure most people enjoyed themselves - they often mention it to this day.

*Having said that - I still couldn't relax on the day simply stressing and worrying about everyone else.*

If we were to do it all again it would be even more low key.


----------



## DerKaiser (15 Aug 2009)

liaconn said:


> The last wedding I was at, there was a few crisps while we were waiting. They also provided champagne for the top table during the toasts but just ordinary drinks for the other tables.



Isn't it tough on you being brought out and fed and entertained for the day, having to drink "ordinary drinks", having to applaud the married couple and to socialise with people.

May I be as bold as to suggest that whilst there are many of people who don't like weddings, most people would view a day out with food, drink and music laid on as a good way to spend a day.

For the most part the bride and groom put a lot of effort and expense into making sure people have a good day and most people genuinely enjoy the day.  If you're not into it that's fine but you have to appreciate that it's just a celebration and the least the guests can do is to try enjoy themselves rather than finding fault with the whole thing


----------



## Ash 22 (15 Aug 2009)

Totally agree with you DerKaiser. My daughter got married this year and its a good job I had'nt realised that so many people did'nt enjoy weddings or I would be having second thoughts and wondering about inviting guests in case it was an ordeal for them to attend. I love weddings, a lovely happy day out and even if I don't know anybody I still love them. I think its an honour to be asked to somebodys wedding.
As you say the amount of preparation that goes into a wedding is amazing and its a pity to have it taken for granted.


----------



## liaconn (15 Aug 2009)

DerKaiser said:


> Isn't it tough on you being brought out and fed and entertained for the day, having to drink "ordinary drinks", having to applaud the married couple and to socialise with people.
> 
> May I be as bold as to suggest that whilst there are many of people who don't like weddings, most people would view a day out with food, drink and music laid on as a good way to spend a day.
> 
> For the most part the bride and groom put a lot of effort and expense into making sure people have a good day and most people genuinely enjoy the day. If you're not into it that's fine but you have to appreciate that it's just a celebration and the least the guests can do is to try enjoy themselves rather than finding fault with the whole thing


 
DerKaiser, perhaps you have not read the other posts on this thread. I do not consider being forced to sit around for hours drinking on an empty stomach, or in my case as I was the designated driver, sipping minerals, while the bride, groom and their family disappear with the photographer, being brought out and entertained. This has been well discussed on the thread and most people have said they don't enjoy it but you have obviously chosen to ignore this in favour of your argument.. As for ;brought out and entertained' I had to drive miles down the country and back (even though the bride and groom were both from Dublin) and purchase an expensive gift so the day cost me far more than the meal (not that I mind that, but just to put your post into perspective.

You also saythat while many people don't enjoy weddings most people 'genuinely enjoy the day'. and view a day of food, drink and music as a great day out. Not only does that not make any kind of sense but it also ignores the evidence on here. Most of us try and look as if we're enjoying the day, not the same thing. But again, you have chosen to disregard comments that don't suit your point of view.

Also, you many not see anything rude about the bride and groom providing champagne at their table and not at any other table. If I couldn't afford champagne for everyone, I would not have it at all. I wouldn't consider my guests to be 2nd rate citizens at my wedding and show my feelings so clearly.


Somebody else on this thread said that they don't like weddings and particularly don't like people getting precious about them not liking them. Well, I agree. I don't enjoy weddings. I accept invitations to be polite, I look as if I'm enjoying myself. What more do you want? For people not to be allowed to express, anonymously, the things they don't like about weddings. Well, pity about you. Its a free country.

Ash, if you enjoy weddings that's great. But making out that the very, very many people who don't enjoy them are somehow in the wrong is a little unfair.


----------



## Teatime (15 Aug 2009)

DerKaiser said:


> For the most part the bride and groom put a lot of effort and expense into making sure people have a good day and most people genuinely enjoy the day. If you're not into it that's fine but you have to appreciate that it's just a celebration and the least the guests can do is to try enjoy themselves rather than finding fault with the whole thing


 
Nonsense Der Kaiser, I dont think you really get it. This post is the first time I have ever 'found fault' with weddings apart from groaning to Mrs Teatime when an invite comes in the door. When I am at weddings I am as happy as the other sheep who smile and take photos and chat and dance. I know deep down that many people would rather be somewhere else.

On the costs issue, I have been to a few weddings where the bride and groom aimed to actually make money from the whole affair and some couples go out of their way to make a profit especially on 'afters' guests. Its interesting how many couples have the cheques cashed before they fly off... I heard of one invite that stated "cash not trash". The going rate for a wedding present in recent years was €200-€300. A 100 of those gifts would go a long way to paying for wedding expenses & a nice honeymoon.

I know, I am a cynic...dont invite me to your weddings !!


----------



## liaconn (16 Aug 2009)

teatime said:


> nonsense der kaiser, i dont think you really get it. This post is the first time i have ever 'found fault' with weddings apart from groaning to mrs teatime when an invite comes in the door. When i am at weddings i am as happy as the other sheep who smile and take photos and chat and dance. I know deep down that many people would rather be somewhere else.
> 
> 
> 
> !!


+1.


----------



## Complainer (16 Aug 2009)

If you don´t expect to enjoy a wedding, don´t go. This stuff of ´being expected to go´or worse still, planning holidays to have an excuse is just rubbish. We are all adults now.

PS My wedding was great craic. I enjoyed much more than I expected to. No fancy favours or chair covers, just a great venue and a great band. I´ve largely enjoyed every other wedding I attended too.


----------



## ney001 (17 Aug 2009)

Complainer said:


> If you don´t expect to enjoy a wedding, don´t go. This stuff of ´being expected to go´or worse still, planning holidays to have an excuse is just rubbish. We are all adults now.



Rubbish! What would you expect people to do? Tell brothers, sisters, friends, colleagues that they are not going to their wedding because on the whole you just don't like them??? come on...... as an adult sometimes you just have to put your own feelings aside, not sit at home and stamp your feet!!! The point is I don't sit at weddings being miserable and not taking part.  I go, I take part as much as I can & I make the best of the day, however as a whole when I look back, combining all of my overall wedding experiences I didn't particularly enjoy them, I enjoyed moments but overall didn't enjoy the wedding experience! 



Complainer said:


> PS My wedding was great craic.



I'm sure it was! I wonder did all of your guests think the same though ????.  Why is it that people get so precious over their wedding,  are we not allowed to complain complainer???


----------



## liaconn (17 Aug 2009)

Complainer said:


> If you don´t expect to enjoy a wedding, don´t go. This stuff of ´being expected to go´or worse still, planning holidays to have an excuse is just rubbish. We are all adults now.


 
Exactly, Complainer, we're adults so we can't just turn around and say 'no, not going. Don't want to'.  There are people's feelings and family sensitivities to consider.


----------



## DeeFox (17 Aug 2009)

liaconn said:


> Exactly, Complainer, we're adults so we can't just turn around and say 'no, not going. Don't want to'. There are people's feelings and family sensitivities to consider.


 
I second this.  My father would be terribly upset if i didn't go the my brothers wedding next year.  I'm allergic to going (for loads of reasons) but believe I have no choice as I don't want to cause any family tension.  So, even though my brother and I have very little to say to each other I'll be there on the day, i'll give what I can afford as a cash gift and I'll smile for the photos.

And to all those who say "my wedding was great, everyone enjoyed it" - do you honestly expect anyone to say otherwise to you?!


----------



## liaconn (17 Aug 2009)

Teatime said:


> On the costs issue, I have been to a few weddings where the bride and groom aimed to actually make money from the whole affair and some couples go out of their way to make a profit especially on 'afters' guests. Its interesting how many couples have the cheques cashed before they fly off... I heard of one invite that stated "cash not trash". The going rate for a wedding present in recent years was €200-€300. A 100 of those gifts would go a long way to paying for wedding expenses & a nice honeymoon.


 
Actually, that's another point. Now that most of us have had to take signficant cuts in our take home pay, with more on the way and no hope of promotions or pay rises in the near future, we are going to have better things to do with our money than fund other people's big showbizzy weddings in out of the way locations and their honeymoons in Hawaii and Thailand. Any chance we could have a return to simpler celebrations requiring simpler presents from the guests?


----------



## ney001 (17 Aug 2009)

liaconn said:


> Actually, that's another point. Now that most of us have had to take signficant cuts in our take home pay, with more on the way and no hope of promotions or pay rises in the near future, we are going to have better things to do with our money than fund other people's big showbizzy weddings in out of the way locations and their honeymoons in Hawaii and Thailand. Any chance we could have a return to simpler celebrations requiring simpler presents from the guests?



You can come to my wedding - only your company is required not your money!


----------



## Teatime (17 Aug 2009)

ney001 said:


> You can come to my wedding - only your company is required not your money!


 
Dont invite me...there is no way I am going to bloody Narnia for a wedding !


----------



## liaconn (17 Aug 2009)

ney001 said:


> You can come to my wedding - only your company is required not your money!


 
Thanks! Promise I won't have to get up and dance?


----------



## MissRibena (17 Aug 2009)

I'm coming out of the closet ... I hate them too!!

Everybody I know (no kidding) hates weddings, including my parents but its not worth upsetting relatives about so we go and buy the bloody clothes and eat the middling food and fork out for a present.  You'd get a great European city break for the same cost and that's what I've been known to do the odd time - glad to hear I'm not the only one.

I've been at the odd one where I really enjoyed the meal/afters but it still only just about broke even as an overall experience when the rest of the torturous day is taken into consideration.   Don't forget the bride leaving you waiting half the day at the church too; especially the winter brides - a special thank you for that.

As for those thinking it's all so romantic; half the ones I've been at, I've only been invited because they felt they 'had' to ask me and I felt I 'had' to go.  So don't expect me to come over all misty-eyed when usually it's a cynical day of role-playing by pretty much everyone present.  And now, in case you might have a few schekels or the will to live left, they go and have another do the following day (or two!).

And then there's the symbolism; being given away, a white dress, a church they never normally set foot in ... arrgggghhh.  Must . stop . think . of . blood . pressure!


----------



## ney001 (17 Aug 2009)

liaconn said:


> Thanks! Promise I won't have to get up and dance?




Not even I will be doing a 'first dance'  so you're safe!.  Teatime, it's not that far away! 

http://toknowasiamknown.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/narnia-map.jpg


----------



## Teatime (17 Aug 2009)

MissRibena said:


> I'm coming out of the closet ... I hate them too!!
> 
> So don't expect me to come over all misty-eyed when usually it's a cynical day of role-playing by pretty much everyone present.


 
Good for you Miss Ribena. This thread is turning out like an AA meeting with everyone finally able to release their repressed dislike of weddings.

I think Miss Ribena hates weddings the most and on so many levels....


----------



## liaconn (17 Aug 2009)

Actually, while we're on the subject could I ask a question of brides and grooms from Dublin?

If you're both from Dublin, and your parents live in Dublin and all your friends and most of your relatives live in Dublin why, why, why do you insist on dragging all 150 guests miles down the country somewhere for your wedding, forcing us to book an extra day's holiday from work, get up at the crack of dawn to face the long drive, fork out a fortune on overnight accommodation and spend the next morning having to make yet more small talk with all the people we spent yesterday making small talk with? Like, why?


----------



## becky (17 Aug 2009)

I honestly don't think anyone could hate weddings as much as me.

I work in the HSE so I am weddinging out. The girls here can talk about the bridesmaids dresses for 20 minutes without coming up for air. When it's about someone they actually know they will manage 35 minutes.

One of the ideas I have for a book is "Death by a thousand wedding pictures"


----------



## Caveat (17 Aug 2009)

I am Caveat and I am a recovering wedding hater.


----------



## DerKaiser (17 Aug 2009)

liaconn said:


> Also, you many not see anything rude about the bride and groom providing champagne at their table and not at any other table. If I couldn't afford champagne for everyone, I would not have it at all. I wouldn't consider my guests to be 2nd rate citizens at my wedding and show my feelings so clearly.
> 
> 
> Somebody else on this thread said that they don't like weddings and particularly don't like people getting precious about them not liking them. Well, I agree. I don't enjoy weddings. I accept invitations to be polite, I look as if I'm enjoying myself. What more do you want? For people not to be allowed to express, anonymously, the things they don't like about weddings. Well, pity about you. Its a free country.


 
It is a free country and you are well within your rights to complain anonymously about the married couple being treated as if they were somehow special on their wedding day.  

I am also within my rights to say that you are being overly critical of the bride and groom who have gone to a lot of effort to make it a day they hope they will never forget and one that the majority of their guests will enjoy.

My tip for you is to organise to go somewhere for a light lunch after the ceremony and clear out after the first dance.  It solves many of the problems you mention above


----------



## liaconn (17 Aug 2009)

I am not complaining about them being treated as if they were special. I am saying that it was bad manners for them to provide champagne for themselves and their immediate circle for the toast in front of all the other guests. Would you think it was okay if they had fillet steak at their table and just expected everyone else to make do with a plate of stew?

Also, while the bride and groom may go to a lot of effort to organise the wedding, the guests also go to a lot of effort to attend - taking time off work, travelling long distances, traipsing around shops trying to find something to wear, buying expensive gifts. Is it too much to ask to be treated with a bit of consideration and manners at the wedding, including not being expected to hang around for hours while the bride and groom are off somewhere else?

Finally, once again you talk about the 'majority' of guests enjoying weddings, while it is quite clear from this thread that they do not.


----------



## DerKaiser (17 Aug 2009)

liaconn said:


> I am not complaining about them being treated as if they were special. I am saying that it was bad manners for them to provide champagne for themselves and their immediate circle for the toast in front of all the other guests. Would you think it was okay if they had fillet steak at their table and just expected everyone else to make do with a plate of stew?
> 
> Also, while the bride and groom may go to a lot of effort to organise the wedding, the guests also go to a lot of effort to attend - taking time off work, travelling long distances, traipsing around shops trying to find something to wear, buying expensive gifts. Is it too much to ask to be treated with a bit of consideration and manners at the wedding, including not being expected to hang around for hours while the bride and groom are off somewhere else?
> 
> Finally, once again you talk about the 'majority' of guests enjoying weddings, while it is quite clear from this thread that they do not.


 
This thread only proves that there are people out there who don't like weddings, it's not a statistically significant poll!

I didn't actually say the majority actually enjoy them (I can only speak for myself), I said most people would consider a day of food drink and music to be a good one and that the bride and groom try to please the majority.

It is 100% fair to say that wedding can be a lot of hassle for all involved but a recurring theme in your complaints centres around the special treatment of the bride and groom.  

At the end of the day the red carpet is for the bride and groom, they get the first dance and they get the best room in the hotel.  Do you perceive these perks as some kind of slight also?

The 'hanging around for hours' is actually less enjoyable for the couple as they are being ordered around by a photographer, but it's a big day and it's nice to have a decent momento of the occasion.  If you're sociable and know a lot of the other guests, this can be the best part of the day.  If not, slip off for a sandwich after the ceremony and arrive at the hotel half an hour before the meal is due to start


----------



## Ash 22 (17 Aug 2009)

Weddings are amazing. You have so many people who are asked and wish they had'nt been and then on the other hand you have people who have'nt been asked that feel they should have been. Very hard to please everybody.


----------



## liaconn (17 Aug 2009)

DerKaiser said:


> This thread only proves that there are people out there who don't like weddings, it's not a statistically significant poll!
> 
> *This thread proves that there are a lot of people out there who don't like weddings.*
> 
> ...


 
*Practically everyone on this post has objected to the hanging around for hours bit, so obviously its a big issue for guests. It might be the 'best part of the day' for you but once again, you seem to be ignoring the majority of comments on here in favour of your own argument.*


----------



## DerKaiser (17 Aug 2009)

liaconn said:


> *Practically everyone on this post has objected to the hanging around for hours bit, so obviously its a big issue for guests. It might be the 'best part of the day' for you but once again, you seem to be ignoring the majority of comments on here in favour of your own argument.*



For your own sanity you should accept that people getting married take time to have photos after the ceremony and before the meal.  

If this gap has been a problem for you in the past would it not be wise to arrange to do something like grab a sandwich somewhere in this time?


----------



## Complainer (17 Aug 2009)

DerKaiser said:


> For your own sanity you should accept that people getting married take time to have photos after the ceremony and before the meal.
> 
> If this gap has been a problem for you in the past would it not be wise to arrange to do something like grab a sandwich somewhere in this time?


Hear, hear. I´d never head for the hotel with getting some grub under my (expanding) belt. And as for all the whinging about double-night stayovers and having to shell out for the clothes, no-one put a gun to your head. Try wearing the same outfit twice and see if the sky falls in. Try easing off the booze early and driving home the day after the wedding - it´s not that hard. 

Your hosts are paying out dearly for your presence. If you don´t want to go, have the guts to decline the invite.


----------



## S.L.F (17 Aug 2009)

Teatime said:


> The next worst thing than a boring wedding is being forced to watch the wedding video !!!


 
Sen my sisters one about twenty times god it never ends



liaconn said:


> Going slightly off topic, but does anyone else find the business of standing up and clapping when the bride and groom enter the dining room a bit fake and cringey?


 
The Bride and Groom should be applauded because they finally made it in so now everybody knows food won't be long...



csirl said:


> I can't stand those weddings were the bride and groom think that it is a great idea to mix up the guests so that everyone is sitting with people they dont know. Usually end up being boring small talk.


 
When we got married we put people to gether of the same age group seemed to work very well.

The very last thing we wanted was the same groups sitting together and not moving from their seats like they always do.



liaconn said:


> Well, as the instigator of this thread, the point I was trying to make was that couples spend an absolute fortune on wedding receptions and half the guests don't even enjoy them. It seems like a terrible, terrible waste of money to me. Can you honestly remember what you had to eat at the last wedding you were at, what kind of dresses the bridesmaids wore, or whether the napkins matched the groom's tie and cummerbund. Most weddings cost the equivalent of a year's mortgage or more and most couples are not that flush with money. Yet they hock themselves up to the eyeballs for an occasion that most people don't even really appreciate. I just think most people would be better off having a small and meaningful occasion and saving their money for more important things. Anyway, just my opinion. I'm sure lots of people will disagree.


 
When we got hitched we booked the local GAA hall and got a caterer in to do the food (my stomach growls everytime I think of that meal) people were offered seconds and thirds if they wanted, my Brother-in-law to be knew a guy who sold wine so we got cut price wine and since there were quite a few wine nuts there it had to be good wine.

The DJ we got was a guy called Larry Bass (don't have his number anymore) and he was brilliant played what we wanted and kept the show on the road at all times

I've a friend who does photos for a well known college and he did well over a hundred photos for us but wouldn't give us an album so we got 127 photos plus whatever photos guests took too.

Great day and Larry even found some S.L.F. songs in his stash.

Heaven and no hangover the next day.

Needless to say I had to be dragged out to the car to be whisked away to my wedding night

Anyway I like weddings generally speaking but like everybody else I hate the wait between the church and the meal, and I really hate the speeches


----------



## MissRibena (17 Aug 2009)

LOL ... so if you're finding weddings a bit of a chore the advice from the party animals on how to have more fun: suck it up even more! You heard it here first guys. Can't wait for the next invite now that I have the key to enjoying myself. 

And gimme a break on the fortune these couples are spending to make their guests' day. It's their own day that they are making and we are spending a small fortune to witness the palaver (as has already been pointed out on numerous occasions). The best weddings I've been at have been normal hoolies when a couple comes back from a wedding abroad (back when just the two of them went).

[Sorry SLF, this really should have followed Complainer's post  ]


----------



## ney001 (18 Aug 2009)

Complainer said:


> Your hosts are paying out dearly for your presence. If you don´t want to go, have the guts to decline the invite.




Yeah right! at a give of on average €200 per couple i'm sure it more than covers the cost of a turkey & ham dinner and a few glasses of red wine!  As we said complainer (although I note you have chosen to ignore) - sometimes you can't just decline to go to a family wedding - you go, give them the money, buy your drink and your sandwich as has been suggested, probably pay for a hotel and travel and you feign enjoyment then you complain about it later!, albeit anonymously! .  Although of course I'm sure that didn't happen at your wedding!!!


----------



## deedee80 (18 Aug 2009)

Seriously guys, as a newly wed, if you are not super close to the couple they will not mind if you turn down their invitation!  I certainly didn't mind one bit if someone could not make it, for personal (hating weddings!) or other reasons, I just totted up the acceptances or regrets and didn't give it another thought.  I knew that the most important people in my life would be there because they were happy for me and wanted to share the day with me (and no, the cousin I haven't seen in 3 years or my work friends husband are not the most important people in my life!). I certainly would hate to think that someone was coming 'cos they felt they had to.  My husbands sister did not turn up on our day for personal reasons and it did not affect me or my husbands enjoyment of our day in any way (she did what was right for her and we had no problem with it).  I have 2 friends getting married abroad next year in the hope that not everyone they have to invite will turn up and its a smaller affair.  When planning a wedding there are certain people you must invite to avoid ww2, but these people are not obliged in any way to attend if they don't want to.  I know that weddings are expensive to plan but I'm also aware of just how expensive it is for the guest to attend (try not to forget that most married people have actually attended weddings as guests also).  And my opinion is that most people do enjoy weddings.  If that wasn't the case then why are there still so many big weddings taking place in Ireland.  If it was a day you loathed attending would you really then go and plan the exact same thing for what should be a most memorable and enjoyable day in your life   I certainly wouldn't!  Forums like this are usually a place where people can rant about things they don't like.  Its more interesting than saying "I enjoy weddings" full stop.  I know myself if there is something that irritates me then I love a good rant but the things I do like don't play on my mind so theres nothing I have to get off my chest.  I hate to break it to all those people attending weddings under protest, unless you are the bride, groom, mother, father, sister or brother and really don't want to be there then I can assure you, you are not that important (sorry to burst your bubble) your lack of presence will not impact the bride and groom on their day, so don't go!  
Another myth I would like to clear up is the thought that people make wads of money by getting married.  I don't like discussing money but seeing as it was mentioned on here I will address it.  The food and drink at my hotel cost in the region of 90 euro per person.  That is not including the entertainment (great band,dj,dancers), transport, favours, cake, kids presents, key rings, rooms we paid for etc, that I arranged to enhance the guests enjoyment of our day (I have not included the cost of dress, photographer etc cos I'm sure my guests would not have given a hoot about these things).  I can honestly say we never once thought of the gifts we would receive.  People are extremely generous when it comes to wedding presents, too generous in my opinion, but in no way did we make money or set out to.  I am glad that I went to the effort I did in the hope they really enjoyed the day.


----------



## ney001 (18 Aug 2009)

deedee80 said:


> The food and drink at my hotel cost in the region of 90 euro per person.  That is not including the entertainment (great band,dj,dancers), transport, favours, cake, kids presents, key rings, rooms we paid for etc, that I arranged to enhance the guests enjoyment of our day (I have not included the cost of dress, photographer etc cos I'm sure my guests would not have given a hoot about these things).  I can honestly say we never once thought of the gifts we would receive.  People are extremely generous when it comes to wedding presents, too generous in my opinion, but in no way did we make money or set out to.  I am glad that I went to the effort I did in the hope they really enjoyed the day.



I am very glad to see that you have not included the 'extras' in your totting up of the bill! Food & drink in my opinion are they ONLY things you should have to provide when inviting people to your wedding! Favours? Keyrings?, toys? - definitely not something I would ever expect or indeed want at a wedding I was invited to - they definitely all fall under the bracket of what the married couple feel is important on their big day! 

For me, I have turned down invite for various reasons, some legit some made up but I would only do this if the person was an acquaintance or distant relative or friend.  I have indeed not gone to a cousins wedding again, we never were friends so there was no problem there.  However when close friends and family get married i know that they would expect you there, no two ways about it so you go and suck it up.  However in my own experience at Irish weddings - boring nondescript meal followed by wine doesn't tot up to nearly the amount I would give as a present!  But money aside, it's none of my business what somebody spent per head at their wedding, i just don't buy the old poor bride and groom thing and how they spent all of their savings just trying to make people happy for a day......... rubbish, hand on heart I do not know one bride & groom who didn't break even and most made a profit!


----------



## Ash 22 (18 Aug 2009)

Well said deedee80. Having had my daughter married this year, she would have felt the same as you if people did'nt wish to go it was'nt going to bother her. She certainly was'nt thinking of the money or profit aspect of it. She put huge thought and effort into her day and we all enjoyed it so much.
Certainly people can go overboard when giving a gift of money. People should just give either a gift or an amount that they can afford and not feel pressure that they have to give x amount.


----------



## deedee80 (18 Aug 2009)

You are definitely right Ney, favours, key rings and toys are not important at all (lets not be silly, us brides aren't airheads who think the day will not be complete without some pink net with sweets inside) but they are all a nice touch. At my own wedding most of the kids were bored during the meal and when they got their presents the parents got some peace to enjoy their meal. The keyrings went down a storm! And the favours looked pretty. If I went to a wedding and they only provided food and drink and not a bit of music I wouldn't find it much fun. And you can't complain about giving a gift to a wedding and the bride and groom making a profit and all you got was crappy food and a glass of red wine, and in the next breath say the only thing the bride and groom should provide is food and drink. You are contradicting yourself. Also giving out about travelling to places and then when the transport is provided so you don't have to pay for a taxi or stay over in the hotel you feel its not necessary, just give you some food and drink, thats the ONLY thing you expect (yeah right!)

If you feel bah humbug about weddings then nothings gonna please you! Seriously, just don't go cos you will never enjoy it!


----------



## ney001 (18 Aug 2009)

deedee80 said:


> You are definitely right, favours, key rings and toys are not important at all but they are a nice touch.



For you they are a nice touch!



deedee80 said:


> Most of the kids were bored and when they got their presents the parents got some peace to enjoy their meal.  The keyrings went down a storm!  And the favours looked pretty.  If I went to a wedding and they only provided food and drink and not a bit of music I wouldn't find it much fun.



Fair enough, music or something to listen to would be fine, but the point I was making was that I don't judge a good wedding on how much free stuff I got, or what favour was on the table - that is entirely something which the couple do themselves for their party! 



deedee80 said:


> And you can't complain about travelling to places and then when the transport is provided so you don't have to pay for a taxi or stay over in the hotel you feel its not necessary!



Have been to loads of weddings 'down the country' and not one has every provided transport! Not drinking is out of the question as I usually need alcohol to numb the boredom!  



deedee80 said:


> Just give you some food and drink, thats the ONLY thing you expect (yeah right!) -



Yep, pretty much! My own wedding will be along the lines of very good food, whatever drink you like, possibly a singer if we can afford it, otherwise ipod and some good singers will do!  I personally put more emphasis on good company and a good meal then on favours and presents!



deedee80 said:


> If you feel bah humbug about weddings then nothings gonna please you!  Seriously, just don't go!



Don't feel bah humbug at all! However as stated numerous times before when I look back at the sum total of all weddings I have been to.... on the whole I haven't enjoyed them all or if I'm honest even the majority of them! I have of course enjoyed some of them and aspects of the majority of them!  Again, the 'don't go' has been done to death for reasons stated before!


----------



## liaconn (18 Aug 2009)

deedee80 said:


> And my opinion is that most people do enjoy weddings. If that wasn't the case then why are there still so many big weddings taking place in Ireland. If it was a day you loathed attending would you really then go and plan the exact same thing for what should be a most memorable and enjoyable day in your life  I certainly wouldn't!


 
I think one of the reasons so many people plan the same type of wedding is because they are led to believe that this is what people want. It is amazing the number of people who have 'admitted' on this thread that they don't enjoy weddings but, like me, have never openly said it around for fear of causing offence. I also think there's a certain amount of pressure from parents who want to conform and be able to invite all their friends and relatives to a conventional wedding. 

Re the comment from other people that it is perfectly understandable that the bride and groom will disappear  to have photos taken, that's fine but 3-4 hours??  Are they appearing on the cover of Hello magazine?

As for going off to get a sandwich, that's fine if you're getting from the church to the hotel under your own steam. If you are being given a lift, or have been asked to give other people a lift or are using transport laid on by the bride and groom then it's not really a practical suggestion. Also, most weddings these days seem to be held in some picturesque location in they heart of the country. There's not a whole lot of cafes and coffee houses around to choose from.


----------



## ney001 (18 Aug 2009)

liaconn said:


> I think one of the reasons so many people plan the same type of wedding is because they are led to believe that this is what people want. It is amazing the number of people who have 'admitted' on this thread that they don't enjoy weddings but, like me, have never openly said it around for fear of causing offence. I also think there's a certain amount of pressure from parents who want to conform and be able to invite all their friends and relatives to a conventional wedding.




Yep, I think this is a fair assumption! as I said I popped along to the wedding fair and couldn't believe how alike everything was.....there simply isn't many other options for different weddings here so couple stick with the same formula, country hotel, dancers, dj food etc! I think a lot of the brides, particularly those who are in a group of friends roughly the same age there is a lot of competition over their weddings this is where all the additional favours and little surprises come in! - There is a massive industry built around all of this stuff & people are led to believe that you cannot have a wedding without it! .


----------



## Teatime (18 Aug 2009)

ney001 said:


> Yep, I think this is a fair assumption! as I said I popped along to the wedding fair and couldn't believe how alike everything was.....there simply isn't many other options for different weddings here so couple stick with the same formula, country hotel, dancers, dj food etc! I think a lot of the brides, particularly those who are in a group of friends roughly the same age there is a lot of competition over their weddings this is where all the additional favours and little surprises come in! - There is a massive industry built around all of this stuff & people are led to believe that you cannot have a wedding without it! .


 
One thing I can't stand is traditional wedding cake. It's disgusting IMHO! It's like a really really poor Christmas cake. More recent weddings tend to have different wedding cakes which are much nicer. Thats a good change for the better.


----------



## DerKaiser (18 Aug 2009)

liaconn said:


> I think one of the reasons so many people plan the same type of wedding is because they are led to believe that this is what people want. It is amazing the number of people who have 'admitted' on this thread that they don't enjoy weddings but, like me, have never openly said it around for fear of causing offence. I also think there's a certain amount of pressure from parents who want to conform and be able to invite all their friends and relatives to a conventional wedding.
> 
> Re the comment from other people that it is perfectly understandable that the bride and groom will disappear to have photos taken, that's fine but 3-4 hours?? Are they appearing on the cover of Hello magazine?
> 
> As for going off to get a sandwich, that's fine if you're getting from the church to the hotel under your own steam. If you are being given a lift, or have been asked to give other people a lift or are using transport laid on by the bride and groom then it's not really a practical suggestion. Also, most weddings these days seem to be held in some picturesque location in they heart of the country. There's not a whole lot of cafes and coffee houses around to choose from.


 
I think deedee's large post speaks 100% my opinion, but I take on your point that big weddings shouldn't be viewed as the norm.  Everyone should not feel bound to have one. Some people do have 150 - 200 willing attendees but others don't or might not have the money.

I think big wedding can be really great in certain situations and people are offended if there was the implication that no one enjoyed their wedding, that said there are plenty of things about them that can be hard to bear (excessive photography and self indulgent speeches spring to mind) and there's no point in being defensive about this


----------



## liaconn (18 Aug 2009)

Complainer said:


> Hear, hear. I´d never head for the hotel with getting some grub under my (expanding) belt. And as for all the whinging about double-night stayovers and having to shell out for the clothes, no-one put a gun to your head. Try wearing the same outfit twice and see if the sky falls in. Try easing off the booze early and driving home the day after the wedding - it´s not that hard.
> 
> Your hosts are paying out dearly for your presence. If you don´t want to go, have the guts to decline the invite.


 
Nobody was whinging about double night stayovers. I was making the point that couples from Dublin relocating their wedding miles down the country somewhere are unnecessarily adding the cost of an overnight stay to all the other costs of attending the wedding.

Why does it take 'guts' to decline an invitation. It is often the easy option but only at the expense of the bride or groom's feelings or by causing upset in the family.


----------



## ney001 (18 Aug 2009)

Teatime said:


> . Thats a good change for the better.



You think??? 

[broken link removed]

wasn't the fruit cake made because it would last until the first baby's christening or something?? - I never eat wedding cake don't know why, probably assume it's the fruit one! I remember being at a relatives wedding a few years ago and an old lady was sitting on the table behind me, when a plate of cake was put down, she picked up the entire plate and emptied it straight into her handbag, then put the plate back as if nothing happened! Now THAT was amusing!


----------



## liaconn (18 Aug 2009)

DerKaiser said:


> I think deedee's large post speaks 100% my opinion, but I take on your point that big weddings shouldn't be viewed as the norm. Everyone should not feel bound to have one. Some people do have 150 - 200 willing attendees but others don't or might not have the money.
> 
> I think big wedding can be really great in certain situations and people are offended if there was the implication that no one enjoyed their wedding, that said there are plenty of things about them that can be hard to bear (excessive photography and self indulgent speeches spring to mind) and there's no point in being defensive about this


 
Fair enough.


----------



## Guest116 (18 Aug 2009)

It is not that straight forward to just decline an invite. I tried that once and the look of disappointment on my friends face was pretty bad. I changed my mind the next day and accepted, making up some excuse about getting dates mixed up in my head.

And not all weddings cost the bride\groom or their family. I know of a few who have made a profit on weddings!


----------



## Staples (20 Aug 2009)

I haven't read all of the preceding posts but for what it's worth, I think that those who don't like weddings and receive invitations should do one of two things.

1.  Have the bottle to decline the invitation if it's not your thing, but be consistent.  Apply the same respsonse to all such invitations so nobody feels slighted.

2.  If you do accept an invitation, even though you really don't want to go, then throw yourself into it and put your best side out for the sake of the bride and groom.  It's their day, after all, and you should have the grace to put their feelings first. 

The worst thing you could possibly do is accept the invitation and make it plainly obvious, either by your demeanour or by what you say, that you're there under protest.  The bride and groom (and their families) deserve beter than this.


----------



## becky (20 Aug 2009)

Staples said:


> I haven't read all of the preceding posts but for what it's worth, I think that those who don't like weddings and receive invitations should do one of two things.
> 
> 1. Have the bottle to decline the invitation if it's not your thing, but be consistent. Apply the same respsonse to all such invitations so nobody feels slighted.
> 
> ...


 
You are right of course and it is what I do (I hope).  

I turned down 1 wedding this year - no made up excuses or anything but they were not close friends so it was easy.

I have 2 this month and hopefully they will be my last.  I have to go to one because its my moms favorite niece (I'm her +1) and the other is a good friend.

I'm glad I'm of age where most of my immediate friends are now married.


----------



## Caveat (21 Aug 2009)

becky said:


> I turned down 1 wedding this year - *no made up excuses or anything* but they were not close friends so it was easy.


 
Just curious - so what did you say - just "no thanks" or something?


----------



## liaconn (21 Aug 2009)

Staples said:


> I haven't read all of the preceding posts but for what it's worth, I think that those who don't like weddings and receive invitations should do one of two things.
> 
> 1. Have the bottle to decline the invitation if it's not your thing, but be consistent. Apply the same respsonse to all such invitations so nobody feels slighted.
> 
> ...


 
This has already been widely discussed. Turning down invitations can cause upset and bad feeling. We have all made the point that we go to great lengths to make out that we are having a great time at weddings. We are, however, allowed to let off steam about them anonymously, which is what we're doing, before putting on a big smile for the next wedding we have to attend.


----------



## ney001 (21 Aug 2009)

Staples said:


> I haven't read all of the preceding posts



Maybe you should? answers to 1 & 2 will be found there! 



Staples said:


> 1.  Have the bottle to decline the invitation if it's not your thing, but be consistent.  Apply the same respsonse to all such invitations so nobody feels slighted.



As discussed previously it's not about having 'bottle' maybe it takes more 'bottle' to go then to not go!




Staples said:


> If you do accept an invitation, even though you really don't want to go, then throw yourself into it and put your best side out for the sake of the bride and groom.  It's their day, after all, and you should have the grace to put their feelings first.
> The worst thing you could possibly do is accept the invitation and make it plainly obvious, either by your demeanour or by what you say, that you're there under protest.  The bride and groom (and their families) deserve beter than this.



Without exception everybody who has admitted to hating weddings but who go anyway have stated that they throw themselves into it for the day and make the best of it


----------



## becky (21 Aug 2009)

Caveat said:


> Just curious - so what did you say - just "no thanks" or something?


 
I sent back the little card which had a tick the box option.


----------



## Caveat (21 Aug 2009)

becky said:


> I sent back the little card which had a tick the box option.


 
Hadn't heard of this! Handy I suppose.

Can you also 'untick' a box to ensure that you receive no further correspondence or offers and are removed from their mailing list?


----------



## Staples (21 Aug 2009)

ney001 said:


> Maybe you should? answers to 1 & 2 will be found there!


 
I'm not looking for answers. I'm expressing an opinion. 




ney001 said:


> maybe it takes more 'bottle' to go then to not go!


 
Hardly. It's hard to refuse an invitation just because you don't don't like weddings but if you're consistent you're at least deserving of respect. if the B & G can't accept that, that's just too bad. 




ney001 said:


> Without exception everybody who has admitted to hating weddings but who go anyway have stated that they throw themselves into it for the day and make the best of it


 
It hasn't been my experience. At a lot of weddings I attended, I've met people who've made it plain that they weren't there out of choice and some have behaved like spolied children. Everyone would be better off if they'd just stayed away. 

Bottom line, IMHO, is that if you really don't enjoy weddings (to the point of it affecting your mood), don't go.


----------



## liaconn (21 Aug 2009)

*Hardly. It's hard to refuse an invitation just because you don't don't like weddings but if you're consistent you're at least deserving of respect. if the B & G can't accept that, that's just too bad.* 

I don't agree with this. We all have to accept invitations at times to things we don't want to go to out of (a) politeness (b) family considerations (c) a desire not to hurt the feelings of people we care about, whether its to weddings, 21sts, anniversary parties,whatever. 

*It hasn't been my experience. At a lot of weddings I attended, I've met people who've made it plain that they weren't there out of choice and some have behaved like spolied children. Everyone would be better off if they'd just stayed away.* 

Well, I've never seen that kind of behaviour at any wedding I've been at. I have, however, seen lots of people giving oscar winning performances of having a brilliant time when I know some of them would much rather be at home watching telly.


----------



## ney001 (21 Aug 2009)

Staples said:


> Hardly. It's hard to refuse an invitation just because you don't don't like weddings but if you're consistent you're at least deserving of respect. if the B & G can't accept that, that's just too bad.


 
Again, rubbish! I don't like funerals either should I not bother turning up to family funerals?? - I wonder how it would go down in the family if I flat out refused to go to my brother's wedding just cause! - be realistic it ain't going to happen and I certainly wouldn't get any respect because of it! 



liaconn said:


> Well, I've never seen that kind of behaviour at any wedding I've been at. I have, however, seen lots of people giving oscar winning performances of having a brilliant time when I know some of them would much rather be at home watching telly.



Agreed, I have never seen anyone acting miserable at any wedding I have ever been to and from the majority of replies on this thread nobody would behave like that at a wedding, they would suck it up and act!


----------



## liaconn (21 Aug 2009)

Hi Ney

That first quote wasn't mine, it was staples. I just don't know how to cut and paste several quotes into the one post. I agree totally with your point.


----------



## Teatime (21 Aug 2009)

ney001 said:


> Agreed, I have never seen anyone acting miserable at any wedding I have ever been to and from the majority of replies on this thread nobody would behave like that at a wedding, they would suck it up and act!


 
I think Miss Ribena said it best when she called it "a cynical day of role-playing by pretty much everyone present"


----------



## Staples (21 Aug 2009)

ney001 said:


> Again, rubbish! I don't like funerals either should I not bother turning up to family funerals?? - I wonder how it would go down in the family if I flat out refused to go to my brother's wedding just cause! - be realistic it ain't going to happen and I certainly wouldn't get any respect because of it!


 
People have their own motovations for attending any event. One can WANT to go to a funeral, wedding etc out of respect to the bereaved, the B&G, etc. But if anyone goes to any event simply because they haven't the neck to stay away, they have no reason to complain during or after the event. 



ney001 said:


> Agreed, I have never seen anyone acting miserable at any wedding I have ever been to and from the majority of replies on this thread nobody would behave like that at a wedding, they would suck it up and act!


 
In my experience, there have been guests who made it plain that they were there reluctantly - My experience, perhaps not yours.


----------



## liaconn (22 Aug 2009)

Staples said:


> People have their own motovations for attending any event. One can WANT to go to a funeral, wedding etc out of respect to the bereaved, the B&G, etc.


 
Eh, I think that's the point we've been trying to make. 'Not wanting' to turn down an invitation out of respect, politeness etc is the same as 'wanting to go out of respect, politeness....' I think you're really just splitting hairs here.


----------



## Sue Ellen (22 Aug 2009)

After 7 pages this thread appears to have run its course so time to close off.


----------

