# Words women use......



## PM1234 (22 Jun 2007)

9 words women use:

1. Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and 
you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is 
only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game 
before helping around the house.
3. Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and
you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5. Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and
wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you
about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make
to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how 
and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say
you're welcome.
8. Whatever : Is a women's way of saying GET LOST!
9. Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is
now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's
wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.


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## Caveat (23 Jun 2007)

Very good - be interesting to hear the other side too!


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## bskinti (24 Jun 2007)

_Very good - be interesting to hear the other side too!_
*That was the other side*


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## Elphaba (25 Jun 2007)

One word men use..
Doh!
(while they're thinkin about beer, sex or football)


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## Caveat (25 Jun 2007)

Elphaba said:


> One word men use..
> Doh!
> (while they're thinkin about beer, sex or football)


 
That's what I meant bskinti - assuming elphaba is female - the words women say that men use...


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## Firefly (25 Jun 2007)

Caveat said:


> That's what I meant bskinti - assuming elphaba is female - the words women say that men use...


 

Yes = Yes
No = No
Dunno = Dunno
5 minutes = 5 minutes
Fine = Fine

etc etc etc


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## Purple (25 Jun 2007)

Men see the world using reason and logic. That's why they will never understand women


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## RedStix (25 Jun 2007)

*He Says:** "I missed you.” *
*He Means** "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry **and we are out of toilet paper."*

*He Says:* Can i help with dinner”  
*He Means* Why isn't it already on the table

*He Says:* Take a break from cleaning. You Work too hard
*He means*: I can't hear the football over the hoover

*He Says*: It's a guy thing."
*He Means:* There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

*He Says:* "It would take too long to explain."
*He means*..."I have no idea how it works

*He says**: *"Guys check you out all the time, I am so lucky to be with you." 
*He means**: *Please reassure me that you are not interested in anyone else. I have too much pride to ask

*He Says:* "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
*He  means* ... "The girl selling them on the corner was gorgeous."

*He Says:* "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
*He Means:*  "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt

*He Says:* "I do help around the house."
*He means ...* "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

*He Says:* "I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."
*He means* ... "I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions."

*He Says:* "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
*He  means* ... "i have no idea where we are but i’ll be damned if i’m asking for directions

*He Says:* "We share the housework."
*He means* ... "I make the mess, she cleans them up

*He Says* "I don't need to read the instructions."
*He means ...* "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.".


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## Purple (25 Jun 2007)

Very sexist GED.


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## Vanilla (25 Jun 2007)

Have to correct GED to my experience:


_*He Says:** "I missed you.” *_
_*He Means** "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry **and we are out of toilet paper."*_

*In reality you come home and he says- I can't find my socks, the kids are hungry. He hasnt noticed the lack of toilet paper and would only say I missed you as an automatic lifesaving response to you saying it first.*


_*He Says:* Can i help with dinner” _
_*He Means* Why isn't it already on the table_

*Er, in reality he says- whens dinner, or whats for dinner.* 


*He Says:*_ Take a break from cleaning. You Work too hard_
_*He means*: I can't hear the football over the hoover_

*Yeah, right. He  has invested in top of the range ear phones so he can always hear the grand prix, the rugby, the football and top gear. *
 

_*He Says*: It's a guy thing."_
_*He Means:* There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."_

*This seems to be the response to a question- in my experience the actual response is a puzzled look.*


_*He Says:* "It would take too long to explain."_
_*He means*..."I have no idea how it works_

*Actually he would explain, however the glazed look in my eyes ( a practised expression) would soon deter him.*


_*He says**: *__"Guys check you out all the time, I am so lucky to be with you." _
_*He means**: *Please reassure me that you are not interested in anyone else. I have too much pride to ask_


*Well, he might notice if a strange man grabbed me, bent me backwards and kissed me right in front of him. Or maybe not....depending on whether the grand prix, rugby, football, top gear etc was being shown anywhere nearby.*

*He Says:*_ "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."_
_*He means* ... "The girl selling them on the corner was gorgeous."_

*I'm in trouble and I think a quick fix is to give you flowers, plus the girl selling them is gorgeous.*


 

*He Says:*_ "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."_
_*He Means:* "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt_

*In reality: 'Aaargh, I 'm dying, aargh, all the blood, get an ambulance, quick.' Then milk said wound for all it's worth for months if not years afterwards.*

*He Says:*_ "I do help around the house."_
_*He means ...* "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket_."


*But only because I have been trained that otherwise death will be imminent. Plus I have to be told exactly what to do and when to do it. Otherwise I will never ever notice housework which needs to be done. Because there is top gear, rugby, football etc to be watched.*

*He Says:*_ "I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."_
_*He means* ... "I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions."_

*This one is accurate.*

*He Says:*_ "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."_
_*He means* ... "i have no idea where we are but i’ll be damned if i’m asking for directions_

*This too.*

*He Says:*_ "We share the housework."_
_*He means* ... "I make the mess, she cleans them up_

*No, he knows he doesnt. He wouldnt risk life and limb with a statement like that.*

*He Says*_ "I don't need to read the instructions."_
_*He means ...* "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."._


*In fairness, he usually doesnt need to read the instructions. However this will often mean that it takes him much longer to do it.*


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## DrMoriarty (25 Jun 2007)

Yes, let's have a little balance here...


Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment.

Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: 58p a minute.

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same but you get the remote control.

Q: What’s it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
A: Marriage.

Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong? 
A: Made her chain too long.

Q. How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.

Q. What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q. Why are men and parking spaces alike?
A. Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are disabled.

Q. Why are men like public toilets?
A. Because all the good ones are engaged and the only ones left are full of crap.

Q. What have men and floor tiles got in common?
A. If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk on them for life.

Q. What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
A. One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

Q: Why did cavemen pull their women around by the hair?
A: <<< _Censored. Call me old-fashioned_... >>>

Q. Why do men want to marry virgins?
A. They can’t stand criticism.

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,and good-looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q. What is a man’s idea of safe sex?
A. A padded headboard.

Q. How do men sort their laundry?
A. “Filthy” and “Filthy but Wearable”

Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A. So they wouldn’t try to ride women’s legs at cocktail parties.

Q. Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A. Because men fake foreplay.

Q. What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q. Why do men take showers instead of baths?
A. Pissing in the bath is disgusting.

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q. What is the punishment for bigamy?
A. Two mothers-in-law.


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## RedStix (25 Jun 2007)

Sorry Purple. Didn't mean to offend. We obviously just have different sense of humour.


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## efm (25 Jun 2007)

Purple said:


> Men see the world using reason and logic. That's why they will never understand women



Very sexist Purple


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## Purple (25 Jun 2007)

efm said:


> Very sexist Purple


 I have standards...double standards


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## Purple (25 Jun 2007)

GED said:


> Sorry Purple. Didn't mean to offend. We obviously just have different sense of humour.


  Yea, that’s ok. Just as long as you understand that when men criticise women it's funny but when women criticise men they are being nasty and covering up for their own shortcomings. You know I'm right so just suck it up.


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## Vanilla (25 Jun 2007)

DrMoriarty said:


> Q: Why did cavemen pull their women around by the hair?
> A: <<< _Censored. Call me old-fashioned_... >>>


 

LOL. It must have been very bad. No, I don't want to know!


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## Vanilla (25 Jun 2007)

Purple said:


> Yea, that’s ok. Just as long as you understand that when men criticise women it's funny but when women criticise men they are being nasty and covering up for their own shortcomings. You know I'm right so just suck it up.


 
That's why I like you Purple, you do irony so well.


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## elefantfresh (25 Jun 2007)

Purple does ironing? I thought that was Clubmans job!


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## Purple (25 Jun 2007)

elefantfresh said:


> Purple does ironing? I thought that was Clubmans job!



I do ironing too. We share the housework...



Vanilla said:


> That's why I like you Purple, you do irony so well.



Thanks, but what I’d really like to know is:


Vanilla said:


> [/FONT]*Well, he might notice if a strange man grabbed me, bent me backwards and kissed me right in front of him.*[/COLOR]


 … how strange does the man have to be?


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## Vanilla (25 Jun 2007)

Purple said:


> … how strange does the man have to be?


 
If the strange man were Giancarlo Fisichello he'd notice straight away. However he might cheer him on.


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## Purple (25 Jun 2007)

Vanilla said:


> If the strange man were Giancarlo Fisichello he'd notice straight away. However he might cheer him on.


He goes for the racy types then?


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