# Guilty Secret



## ali (11 Jan 2010)

My sister's husband is self employed / unemployed as he has really struggled to find work over the past 14 months. Luckily they have qualified for social welfare payments and they get Mortgage interest supplement for which they are incredibly grateful . They are still struggling to make ends meet but in general they are managing.

The other day she "confessed" to me that despite their difficult circumstances, she is really enjoying having him at home so much. She works part time a couple of nights a week so they end up being together a lot. Like most self employed people, he used to work long hours and often weekends, and she more than once had to take the annual family holiday with the kids on her own as a job had come up.

Now after the initial panic at having no/limited work has subsided a little, a kind of routine has evolved . They get up together, get kids to school. If he has gotten any work he goes to do that. (All declared by the way, occasionally he gets a day or two.)He surfs the net and applies for jobs / calls to Fas (he finds their online jobs not very up to date). They have lunch together, maybe go for a walk and collect the kids. He will do any jobs around the house or there is always a family member or neighbour who needs a dig out with something - he is a tradesman. 

He would and does take anything that is offered to him workwise, but in the meantime they have found this unplanned time together to be really good for their relationship and hugely beneficial to the children; being collected by their father and help with homework / time together.

I know if you are in dire straits money wise and continually worrying about the mortgage / work /losing your home /  your family's future, unemployment is a recipe for depression and misery and the above wouldn't represent everyone's experience. I don't want to downplay the detrimental effects on my sister's situation but it is just another side to it.

This led me to ask consider two questions.

1.) Could this recession possibly have an unexpected beneficial side effect on families?

and 

2.) Could you stick your other half all day long? I know some newly retired people almost kill each other!!

A.


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## JP1234 (11 Jan 2010)

Delighted to hear your sister and her family have found a positive element to their situation, it's all too easy to find only the bad side of things.

As for your questions

1.  I would imagine for people with young children then yes, for all the reasons you state. As it is we only have a 16 year old and don't see a whole lot of him anyway ( either in bed, at school, out with mates or in his room), apart from when he wants feeding or the occasional times he wants to just hang around with us at home.

2.  No, I seriously would be driven mad if I had to put up with the husband all day. It's ok when on holidays, weekends or a day off here and there but I wouldn't want to spend every waking minute with him ( I am sure the feeling is mutual) I like a bit of time for myself each day. I can never understand couples who work in the same place.


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## Caveat (11 Jan 2010)

Although I don't think us working together would be a good idea, in general, I don't see enough of my wife.  I would love for us to spend more time together - though if it took one of to lose our jobs for that to happen then, no.


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## Vanilla (11 Jan 2010)

Hmmm, also poses the question as to whether there will be another baby boom this year...


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## Chocks away (11 Jan 2010)

Vanilla said:


> Hmmm, also poses the question as to whether there will be another baby boom this year...


Yes! Floods, snow, unemployment ......... all things to facilitate this are in alignment


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## ali (11 Jan 2010)

Vanilla said:


> Hmmm, also poses the question as to whether there will be another baby boom this year...


 
Funny you should mention that. She also said that they were making love more and better. So often one of the first things to go in a busy lifestyle. And something that is so essential to your wellbeing.


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## Caveat (11 Jan 2010)

Remember that move _Paris, Texas?_

(Anything that involves Ms Kinski wouldn't have a chance in hell of being forgetten by caveat anyway )

Anyway, the Harry Dean Stanton character couldn't bear being apart from her - so even though they were struggling, gave up his job so they could spend as much time together as possible.  Always thought that was very romantic.  A bit mental, but romantic.


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## ali (11 Jan 2010)

Caveat said:


> Remember that move _Paris, Texas?_
> 
> (Anything that involves Ms Kinski wouldn't have a chance in hell of being forgetten by caveat anyway )
> 
> Anyway, the Harry Dean Stanton character couldn't bear being apart from her - so even though they were struggling, gave up his job so they could spend as much time together as possible. Always thought that was very romantic. A bit mental, but romantic.


 
Wow Caveat, you're a true blue romantic. An endangered species.


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## MOB (11 Jan 2010)

ali said:


> Funny you should mention that. She also said that they were making love more and better.



TMI - definitely TMI.  

But out of curiousity, does her husband know that it is better? Has he noticed?  Go on, ask him, I dare ya........


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## ali (11 Jan 2010)

MOB said:


> TMI - definitely TMI.
> 
> But out of curiousity, does her husband know that it is better? Has he noticed? Go on, ask him, I dare ya........


 
Wouldn't be something we discuss he he. I'm willing to accept her version of events. After all, women are always right - aren't they?


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## Vanilla (11 Jan 2010)

MOB said:


> TMI - definitely TMI.
> 
> But out of curiousity, does her husband know that it is better? Has he noticed? Go on, ask him, I dare ya........


 

Ah here, if he _hasn't _noticed, they're definitely doing something wrong.


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## truthseeker (11 Jan 2010)

Vanilla said:


> Ah here, if he _hasn't _noticed, they're definitely doing something wrong.


 
Whatever about him noticing that its better - surely he'd at least notice if its more often!!


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## LDFerguson (11 Jan 2010)

_Dr. Ferguson's Guide to Better Lovemaking, #467_

Mutual enjoyment is enhanced when both parties are awake.


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## Betsy Og (11 Jan 2010)

Reminds me of a line from Only fools and horses, Boyce and Marleene slagging each other off, she says he's basically useless in the sack and he says "It might help if I had a live target !! "


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## MOB (11 Jan 2010)

I was thinking more along the lines of a scene in Ally McBeal where one of the male leads asks the other "do you ever wonder about whether you're any good in the ahem ahem,  department?", 

to which the response is "whaddya mean? - I'm brilliant in bed".  

This prompts the follow up question "how do you know you're brilliant in bed??" 

and in turn, the best answer I ever heard to such a question  "I know I'm brilliant because I'm satisfied every time...."

So don't assume that he has noticed any change other than in quantity..........


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## Vanilla (11 Jan 2010)

Don't worry, MOB, if all else fails, I'm sure she'll find a way to let him know.


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## Sue Ellen (11 Jan 2010)

Vanilla said:


> Hmmm, also poses the question as to whether there will be another baby boom this year...



Aren't March (summer holidays) and September (Christmas) supposed to be the busiest months in maternity hospitals..............


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## LDFerguson (11 Jan 2010)

MOB said:


> I was thinking more along the lines of a scene in Ally McBeal where one of the male leads asks the other "do you ever wonder about whether you're any good in the ahem ahem, department?",
> 
> to which the response is "whaddya mean? - I'm brilliant in bed".
> 
> ...


 
Has to be Richard Fish?


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## ali (11 Jan 2010)

Every reasoned debate / thread degenerates into sex sooner or later.

I wish to distance myself from the above.

A.


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## MOB (11 Jan 2010)

LDFerguson said:


> Has to be Richard Fish?



Don't remember the names - but it was the smaller of the two men in the law firm.


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## LDFerguson (12 Jan 2010)

MOB said:


> Don't remember the names - but it was the smaller of the two men in the law firm.


 
Oh! John Cage.  That's a surprise as Richard Fish was usually the more outwardly self-confident of the two.


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