# Husband just blew 34k on online casino



## hp123

My husband came in this morning at 4am having been out on the town and instead of going to bed went online, and has lost 34k in an online casino - all in my name. We had 14k, he has now maxed me out on my overdraft of 3k and on two credit card accounts of 9k each (I was only supposed to have one of them and when the bank transferred me to a new visa account they never cancelled the other limit). So basically yesterday we were 14k up, today we owe 20k. 

I am in complete shock and haven't a clue what to do. I have committed to having some work done to the house this week which is costing 4k and have a lot of expenses such as holidays coming up in the next few weeks, which is what the 14k was for. Fortunately I'm due to be paid this week so we'll be ok for all the monthly bills.

I rang up the visa company a few months ago to see if they could prevent transactions from betting companies and they told me they couldn't do that, so short of reporting him to the gardai there really wasn't much I could do to stop him using my credit card. I was always afraid of the risk of something like this happening some night, but it has never happened before. I've been unhappy for months about the level of betting he has been doing and we have had many arguments about it, but he never before risked more than a few thousand (which I thought was a lot at the time) and he always considered he had things under control. Talk about being in denial.

This is the craziest thing he has ever done and he is completely miserable today about it, I'mm a bit worried about depressing him any further so I'm trying to hide my feelings a bit, except for insisting he contact gamblers anonymous on monday which he has promised to do.

I'm not looking for comments on his actions. I'm looking for practical advice. What can I do to clear this debt? 

We have a low mortgage but were previously refused a topup because he has a bad credit rating (he has always had no respect for money, doesn't bother paying minimum payments even when he has the money).  I think the only thing I can do is to approach my bank to whom I owe the money and see what they can do to help me out of it. I can't get a loan anywhere else because I'd have to declare how much I owe on my credit card. Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Apart from clearing this debt I will insist he starts accepting he has a gambling problem and gets help for it, I have no intention of ever letting anything like this happen again. We've installed Gamblock a few times but he's a bit of an IT whizz and has no problem undoing it, and we need the internet access for work.

Can anyone help?


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## ClubMan

Obviously you know already but your husband seems to have serious problems and these need to be tackled (as you have already suggested). Presumably you will need to remove any temptation from him by cutting off access to money/credit as far as possible? I would imagine that any unnecessary expenditure might need to be deferred/cancelled in the meantime while you sort out the finances? Maybe contact MABS and read the debt management threads pinned to the top of this forum?


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## KalEl

Clubman is right, MABS would be a good place to start with regard to the debt. For what it's worth, I think you shouldn't be worried about depressing him further-that now is the time to tackle the problem and plan a way out of it perhaps with you taking control of the family finances with his consent.

Most bookmakers operate a self exclusion policy where the bookie/casino will bar you at your request. Have a look at the Paddy Power page about this, it also has some useful numbers :



I hope things work out HP...keep the chin up.


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## z108

How long has he had the problem and how much has he blown over that time period ?


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## Brendan Burgess

Did he use your credit card fraudlulently? If he did, then you could claim credits for the transactions, but the credit card companies and possibly the Gardai would go after your husband for fraud. 

Brendan


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## z108

I was thinking if hes got a certifiable problem (by a mental health professional) then maybe what Brendan says is the best thing . Claim fraudulent usage of the card (get money back maybe?) and perhaps your hubby will get a caution and be forced to get the treatment he desperately needs.
It might be the kindest thing to do for Hubby especally if this problem of his isnt going away. Covering up the consequences wont make it go away either.


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## bagoftricks

I work in the online gaming industry and to be perfectly honest with you i would be contacting the gaming company in question. They should never have allowed that amount of money to be deposited in a 24 hour period without requesting documentation of ownership of card etc. Gaming operators have to act in a socially responsible way! I would call them up and put it to them like this. " I will pay you 30% of the total and you will write the rest of it off or else i will charge back my credit card and i shall go on liveline and let people know that you are not acting in a socially responsible way. You should not be letting people deposit 34k without documentation and verifying the persons identity. The industry standard max allowed in a 24 hour period is 2k. This is enforcable but is the most either the company feels is still entertainment or the most they want to risk due to credit card fraud and charge back risks before they ask for documentation and proof of identity.

If you would like to talk about this more offline, pm me and I will help you through the process if you like. 

BAG


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## hp123

Thanks everyone. The betting company is bet365 so they have probably never heard of liveline and I'm sure wouldn't care. I have no intention of trying to claim he didn't have my consent to use my CC because if that was the case I should have reported him a year ago, which I didn't because it would cause even more problems to include the gardai etc. 

"Bagoftricks" do you seriously think I could try to get bet365 to reduce the debt? Has anyone ever done this successfully, are they actually breaking any laws or would they only do this as a favour?  Re verifying identity etc, if someone has been using the same credit card for a year what other ID can they check if the person can confirm the numbers on the back of a credit card?

KalEl - I don't want to actually close the bet365 account because there are some accumulators which have a very good chance of coming in over the next few weeks so it would be stupid to throw that chance away. I might try to see if they can agree to suspend it in some way - i.e. refuse all new bets.

I've been in contact with MABS and they said I should contact my bank immediately and put in motion some discussion re how to deal with the debt. They also suggested I should try to make them responsible for allowing access to the credit limit on the old card which shouldn't have happened (they changed my credit card number but left me with online access to the old CC because I had a direct debit, but left both limits at 9k each which is how my husband was able to ring up such a large amount). Can anyone who works in a bank tell me how I should approach this? Also do you think they would agree to suspend interest on the CC temporarily?    

Please keep the advise coming in, it's the only thing keeping me from breaking down completely at the moment.


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## bagoftricks

Hp 

I seriously think that Bet365 have a duty to cut some of the debt for you. I also think the credit card company should have in some way contacted you about unusual activity on your card and locked it down. That is if this is unusual? This is a very normal practice.
If your husband has been using the card for a year then they should see that this is not a usual deposit pattern in a 24 hour period. Also if your husband has not deposited large amounts of money before on the credit card in question, most companies would have not accepted anymore than 2k without him sending in a drivers license, copy of credit card front and back and utility bill (to match the cc billing address). 
I understand that you are of the opinion that it is only your husband at fault here and it is to a large extent but the operator owns some of the responsibility in this case. 34k is HUGE money to be allowed when it comes to credit card deposits. Alarm bells should have been ringing from the operators side and they should have been proactive in their approach to make sure that these were not fraudalent charges. 
The way gaming companies work is they walk a tight rope with the credit card processing companies should as visa. If the charge back rate is over 1% within a given month then Visa threathen to turn off their ability to accept deposits and charge them a higher rate, mainly because they are not verifying who the user of the cc is thoroughly enough. 
That being said I think that with the correct perspective and attitude a deal could be made with Bet365. 
Remember gaming operators do not want to deal with problem gamblers, it gives the industry a bad name publically. We are entertainment companies for people who like to have a flutter.
I would suggest calling the Customer Service number on Bet 365 and ask to speak with the customer service manager or the investigations fraud manager stragiht away. I would be totally truthful about the situation and explain exactly what happened and lets see if they will do you a deal. I think if you go in with the right attitude you will get something out of this. 

Best regards 
Bag


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## KalEl

hp123 said:


> Thanks everyone. The betting company is bet365 so they have probably never heard of liveline and I'm sure wouldn't care. I have no intention of trying to claim he didn't have my consent to use my CC because if that was the case I should have reported him a year ago, which I didn't because it would cause even more problems to include the gardai etc.
> 
> "Bagoftricks" do you seriously think I could try to get bet365 to reduce the debt? Has anyone ever done this successfully, are they actually breaking any laws or would they only do this as a favour? Re verifying identity etc, if someone has been using the same credit card for a year what other ID can they check if the person can confirm the numbers on the back of a credit card?
> 
> KalEl - I don't want to actually close the bet365 account because there are some accumulators which have a very good chance of coming in over the next few weeks so it would be stupid to throw that chance away. I might try to see if they can agree to suspend it in some way - i.e. refuse all new bets.
> 
> I've been in contact with MABS and they said I should contact my bank immediately and put in motion some discussion re how to deal with the debt. They also suggested I should try to make them responsible for allowing access to the credit limit on the old card which shouldn't have happened (they changed my credit card number but left me with online access to the old CC because I had a direct debit, but left both limits at 9k each which is how my husband was able to ring up such a large amount). Can anyone who works in a bank tell me how I should approach this? Also do you think they would agree to suspend interest on the CC temporarily?
> 
> Please keep the advise coming in, it's the only thing keeping me from breaking down completely at the moment.


 
HP, bet365 are a big company. Their prices are advertised in the Racing Post which is the preserve of the bigger companies which would make them worried about bad PR. Accumulators are very difficult to get up...if you can settle this debt for less now I wouldn't worry about jeopardising your husbands bets.


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## Thirsty

I don't have any experience with gambling addictions; however I have (sadly) had to deal with alcoholics and if you substituted the word alcohol or drink to your post - you'd pretty much be certain that you were dealing with an alcoholic.

So here's the thing - and I know this is going to sound very harsh, but it has to be said....cleaning up this mess will include looking long and hard at how you have helped him along this road (failing to report fraud etc.,).   When you get some headspace there is an excellent book called Games People Play which is well worth reading.

Just doing the equivalent of pouring the whiskey down the sink isn't going to help.  Would I be right in thinking you have paid his debts before?

In the mean time - take all the steps you have been advised here - report the fraud - try and negotiate to reduce the amount - cut up the credit cards - lock down everything - separate out your finances - open your own account etc.,

Like alchoholics, he may have every intention of never doing it again...but without help (and sadly even with all the help & support in the world) there is no guarantee that it won't happen again.

Best of luck - I'll keep you in my thoughts today.


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## DrMoriarty

hp123 said:


> I don't want to actually close the bet365 account because there are some accumulators which have a very good chance of coming in over the next few weeks so it would be stupid to throw that chance away.


That's the monkey talking, hp123. You have to try to help him *stop* gambling or this will only get worse. Your husband has a problem, and clearing this €34K debt — or getting it reduced, if possible — is not going to solve it. This may require some 'tough love' on your part. As soon as you've worked things out with Bet365, you need to see about getting him some help with his addiction, because whether or not he sees it that way, that's what it is, when there's no control any more. And gambling is as powerfully addictive as any drug.

Good luck (if that's not ironic...!)


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## Thrifty1

I have to agree with some of the other posters. I would report your husband and make him face whatever consequences. He has a problem and if you cover for him everytime he will never help himself.

I know this is difficult but you cant underestimate this porblem.



> In the mean time - take all the steps you have been advised here - report the fraud - try and negotiate to reduce the amount - cut up the credit cards - lock down everything - *separate out your finances *- open your own account etc.,
> 
> Like alchoholics, he may have every intention of never doing it again...but without help (and sadly even with all the help & support in the world) there is no guarantee that it won't happen again.


 
This is very good advice. Best wishes


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## Joe Nonety

My heart goes out to you. Gambling can become an addiction so easy and it's the chasing of losses that actually causes the most damage. 

Firstly I'd check the Bet365 website for terms relating to deposits. It seems ridiculous that €34K can be lodged in one sitting. For betdaq the daily max by credit card is €2000.

Also the credit card company acted irresponsibly. I remember buying a laptop and some clothes on my credit card and the card was then blocked until someone in customer service spoke to the owner i.e. me and confirmed my identity and made sure the card wasn't stolen. That was for €1000 so you'd expect something similiar for €9K especially on a gambling site.
There's probably no consolation now, but just remember it could be worse. He could have gone to a moneylender, or raised money in other ways in order to chase the €34K losses. Also it's reckoned that 1 in 4 suicide attempts are to do with gambling debt. I feel sorry for your husband just thinking how agonising it must have been after he had blown all the money and realising there was no longer any hope of chasing back those losses. He must have woken up the next day with the mother of all hangovers.

They say the golden rule of gambling is not to gamble after drinking, but the problem with that rule is that after a few drinks the rules disappear.


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## ClubMan

For what it's worth...


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## CCOVICH

Thrifty1 said:


> I have to agree with some of the other posters. I would report your husband and make him face whatever consequences. He has a problem and if you cover for him everytime he will never help himself.


 

Would this (reporting the husband for fraud) not signal the end of the replationship?  I presume the OP wants to remain with their husband?


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## ClubMan

Not necessarily. It might be considered part of an "intervention" to deal with a loved one who cannot or will not face up to their problems. But obviously it's a drastic step!

Did he contact GA today?


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## NHG

The cc card company should have checked with you with regard to the amount being put on through the card!

A few years ago I made a purchase of some baby items (cot, bouncer etc) over the telephone using my cr card and the lady in the shop rang me back immediately to tell me that she put my purchase through twice in error and had refunded the amount to my account and as soon as I hung up from her the cc company were on the phone to me to say that my card had had two sizeable transactions and to know if I had authorised it. 

I would get on to them immediately.

Keep a note of everyone you speak to and the time of the call etc.

Best of Luck


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## irishpancake

Hi there hp.

Just for your info, bet365 provide a number of contact options and information  ,including weekly/daily deposit limits, self-exclusion, etc.

It does look as if they are reasonably responsible, and do not wish to encourage problem gambling.


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## jhegarty

irishpancake said:


> It does look as if they are reasonably responsible, and do not wish to encourage problem gambling.




I can't agree with that. Every poker site I have used have a pre-set daily limit , that can't be raised without sending off password , credit card statements..etc...


Any site that accept a €34k deposit in the middle of the night, without even a phone call to check is not responsible....


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## ney001

Was the full 34 K blown in one night? or has this been going on for a long time and you have only now just realised the full extent of it i.e that you own 34K - I doubt that any gambling site would let you blow 34K in one night - despite what he may have told you! -   Can you check his emails etc to see if he received any emails from the site re limits etc, can you check the browser history to determine how long he was playing for?.  

If you are really going to help this guy kick addiction then you need to take all money/credit away from him.  I understand that you might need internet for work etc but this is way to tempting for your hubby.  Do you have a laptop or PC, i.e could you lock the laptop away?.


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## hp123

Well I've been on to bet365 and I've been on a few times to my bank manager and both are refusing to take any responsibility at all for allowing 34k to go through the account in the middle of the night over 2 or 3 hours. They both say that because everything was going through in my name and (in the banks case) because I had allowed him access my bank account online, that basically I'm fully responsible. 

For the record, my husband has been using my credit card for bets for some time and while we have had many arguments about the volume of transactions going through (which I think is the sign of an addiction) he has never actually risked a lot of money at any stage and I've never really needed to bail him out - there were always lots of transactions coming in and out which netted off because, according to him, he was covering bets etc. So because he was never really losing money he never saw it as a problem.
I've now changed passwords on my bank account and have managed to also change the password to the bet365 account which I hadn't realised I could do since I didn't even know his username. So he can't access anything and he's going mad I did that, I can't see why - seems like he's even more in denial than I had realised.  He has spoken to a counsellor and is meeting them later in the week, GA are unavailable until this evening. But I think it will take many sessions before he will accept that he has a problem.

And at the end of the day I still owe all that money, and I haven't a clue how I'll pay it back. I get the feeling that while the bank are verbally sympathetic they're not going to reduce the debt in any way, and neither will bet365.


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## bagoftricks

HP 

I think you are foolish to let this be the end of the negotiations between bet365 and yourself. 

You need to email the CEO,COO and CFO of Bet Corp( this is bet365's parent company) and explain the situation and threaten if necessary to contact the stock market directly and investors. Trust me i work for an online gaming company this will bring the heat from upstairs to get this resolved. 

No matter what they say this is not a socially responsible way to operate. If there has never been this high $$ volume going through before, they are at fault. You need to be persistent in this and be prepared to spend sometime on it. 

I am more than willing to help but right now it seems that some mid level manager with no authority is stone walling you. 

Regards 
Bag 



hp123 said:


> Well I've been on to bet365 and I've been on a few times to my bank manager and both are refusing to take any responsibility at all for allowing 34k to go through the account in the middle of the night over 2 or 3 hours. They both say that because everything was going through in my name and (in the banks case) because I had allowed him access my bank account online, that basically I'm fully responsible.
> 
> For the record, my husband has been using my credit card for bets for some time and while we have had many arguments about the volume of transactions going through (which I think is the sign of an addiction) he has never actually risked a lot of money at any stage and I've never really needed to bail him out - there were always lots of transactions coming in and out which netted off because, according to him, he was covering bets etc. So because he was never really losing money he never saw it as a problem.
> I've now changed passwords on my bank account and have managed to also change the password to the bet365 account which I hadn't realised I could do since I didn't even know his username. So he can't access anything and he's going mad I did that, I can't see why - seems like he's even more in denial than I had realised. He has spoken to a counsellor and is meeting them later in the week, GA are unavailable until this evening. But I think it will take many sessions before he will accept that he has a problem.
> 
> And at the end of the day I still owe all that money, and I haven't a clue how I'll pay it back. I get the feeling that while the bank are verbally sympathetic they're not going to reduce the debt in any way, and neither will bet365.


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## hp123

And how can I get their email addresses? What, in reality, can I threaten them with? Please pm me if you have any specific ideas, I haven't a clue about the gambling industry so I don't know how they operate or what makes them tick. I doubt that MABS can help - does anyone know if there is anyone professional I can turn to that would be better at arguing my case for me?

Btw bet365 may have some "responsible gambling" tips but they still leave all responsibility with the gambler to avail of these, from what they have told me they don't intervene or have any "cutoffs" at which case they ring you to confirm you are who you are - if they had done that he would have had to stop as he's obviously not a girl! They said that once the bank allows the money to go through they just let'em gamble away to their heart's content. Of course the middle of a Saturday night when people are drunk is probably the time they make the most money so they're not going to cut that back.  It's just maddening there is no legislation to control them.


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## ClubMan

It's odd that €34K of transactions on a card even if they were ostensibly legitimate looking didn't trigger some sort of security call from the _CC _provider. I've heard of people using their cards legitimately for multiple transactions close together or in different geographic locations in a short space of time getting calls to double check that the transactions were not suspicious. I thought that this sort of thing was pretty standard these days?


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## liteweight

Have you sent Bagogtricks a PM. S/he seems willing to help.


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## bagoftricks

HP 

Basically you need to inform higher managment that this can happen with one of their products. Companies like this are as always flaunting that they are next to impenitrible when it comes to cc abuse and problem gambling. 

Being reactive is not good enough in this day and age! They have to be proactive in regards to cc abuse and problem gamblers, this is what governing bodies and investors expect and what these companies claim to be in control of. They will automatically pass this "problem" to a responsible and able middle manager. The middle manager will then investigate the case and make a decision on it and contact you. This is the way it works in most companies i have ever had any experience with in the past. 

Let me know if i can help. 

Regards 
Bag


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## power1

Get on to Joe Duffy and try and raise some public pressure over this, you never know what a public debate and some bad publicity for Bet365 and the Banks/Credit Card Company could lead to.

As regards your Husband, Don't underestimate his problem and take his promises at face value. He needs professional help and fast.

My heart goes out to you, I will keep you in my prayers.


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## horatio1

I am struggling to find o.p. genuine and at best think you are being economical with the truth.You dont seem to be open to any of the suggestions being made by people within the industry/people with experience in addiction that may have an initial bad effect on your partner but would be good for him in the long run.
I don't believe a credit card company would allow this amount of activity in such a short space of time and am starting to wonder if in fact you are the gambler and are looking for the easiest way out of this as all gamblers do(speaking from personal experience).
 I do not think that anyone who has no clue about gambling and has just seen their partner lose 34k would have any interest in waiting to see how a few accumalators work out.I also find it unbelievable that anyone who does not gamble could view losing a couple of grand before as not beng a big deal??
Bagoftricks has given sound advice and the only reason you would continue to ignore it is if in fact you can not follow it has you are the gambler.


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## Luternau

hp123 said:


> I don't want to actually close the bet365 account because there are some accumulators which have a very good chance of coming in over the next few weeks so it would be stupid to throw that chance away.


 
I am inclined to agree with the previous poster-is this for real? The quoted text above puts a different slant on it. 
This was a part of a response to acknowledge good advice that was given. We all remember Nick Lesson (Barings), or xx Runsack (AIB/USA), both were one deal away from recouping the losses of their previous bad deals....


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## aircobra19

horatio1 said:


> I am struggling to find o.p. genuine and at best think you are being economical with the truth....



You're not suggesting someones ahead by a nose?


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## horatio1

I feel sorry for the o.p. if they are the gambler or the gamblers partner.With alcohol and drugs at some point you are going to go fall over or go into a coma.With gambling as long as you have money and can stay awake you can just keep digging that hole and even when you run out of real money you can lash it on as many plastic cards you can get your hands on.
If the o.p. is genuine,some words of advice.
If he has gone mad about changing the passwords then going to G.A. is pointless,He has to want to go himself otherwise he will nip in to the nearest Ladbrokes on the way.
Until he arrives at that point you need to take full control of all his finances,get him to instruct his employer to put his wages into your account.
Give him absoloutely no access to any form of credit,Speak to his friends/family and tell them they are not to lend him money.
Give him enough money to live on for the week and make sure he accounts for everything with receipts.
If he says you are putting him thru hell and embarrassing him show him the credit card statement and remind him you are slightly embarrassed yourself and would consider yourself to have gone to hell and back .
Close all betting accounts and try to limit as much as possible his access to gambling(very hard).
Remember you are dealing with an addict so logic does not apply and almost every word from his mouth will be a lie or have an alterior motive.
If he does not want to go along with this regime to help himself and save his marriage leave him for your sanity,the sanity of your children (if you have any) and maybe even his own.


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## jhegarty

irishpancake said:


> I'm beginning to agree with Horatio1 on this, something very fishy.
> 
> 
> 
> what is that all about??
> 
> 
> 
> how exactly was this achieved??




1. I presume there is 1000's in outstanding bets... even a usless gamber wins sometimes...

2. the cc hold can change the password, they own the account , not the person with username/password


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## horatio1

Changing the password will not work as there is an option like all websites that will allow you access if you can answer the personal question.So if the "partner" opened account with wifes credit card he would have the answer to it and gain access.
With regard to outstanding bets contact them to close the account and as the account was open in wifes name any cheques will be made out in her name and sent to her address.
There is no reason to keep account open unless the wife likes a flutter herself and if that is the case then she needs to also give up to support him.


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## irishpancake

jhegarty said:


> 1. I presume there is 1000's in outstanding bets... even a usless gamber wins sometimes...
> 
> 2. the cc hold can change the password, they own the account , not the person with username/password



I just opened an account with bet365, without giving any cc info. if i want to fund the account, i just have to logon, with  u/name and p/word. 

this is their welcome e-mail:



> Dear Mr. IrishPancake
> 
> Welcome to bet365, we trust you found the registration process simple to follow.
> 
> Depositing is Quick and Easy
> 
> We are contacting you by way of courtesy to see if you require any help funding your account.  For our Irish customers, we have a wide variety of payment options including Laser Card and credit cards (MasterCard or Visa).
> 
> This process is easy to follow, just click 'Top Up Funds' when logged in and select your preferred method.  Please make a careful note of your Email Validation Code xxxxx.  During your first deposit using certain payment methods you will be required to enter this code.
> 
> 
> ........Free Bet Stuff.............
> 
> 
> 
> ........Free Bet Stuff.............
> 
> If you require any further assistance with regards to this, or any other matter, please do not hesitate to contact us.   Our team are available 24 hours a day via Live Chat, via email at support@customerservices365.com, freephone 1800 946 242 or alternatively call +44 1782 684757 and we will be pleased to assist you.  If you need to contact us to discuss any queries on your account regarding your payments or personal details, we may ask you to confirm the 4 digit security number that you selected when registering your account.
> 
> Kind regards,
> 
> 
> 
> The bet365 Team


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## hp123

Everything I have said is absolutely true and I am not being economical with the truth.  I think that, over time, his bets have sarted getting more and more frequent and he can be very persuasive as to the reason for them (mainly covering his other bets/accumulators) and it happened so gradually that he persuaded me to think a little as he did, that it wasn't such a big deal as I realise now that it was. We have had many arguments regarding the increase in volume of the transactions and I have been convinced that he has become addicted and have said so, but he has always been more assertive than me and I have not pushed it any further. Also, because he usually broke even, more or less, it appeared he was not risking our money and so I trusted him not to do the complete act of madness that he did on Saturday night. He hasn't had access to his own credit for about a year and so needed to use my CC and that is how I have been able to see what was going on. It's only the online gambling he is addicted to, he never goes into betting offices as far as I know, it's more the thrill for him of trying to beat the system by putting on accumulators and constantly watching them and covering them in different ways, and to be honest he has, in general, been very successful at it once he doesn't go near the casino part which is what he did on Saturday. I think I am guilty of allowing myself to be persuaded by him that there was no need for drastic action on my part to prevent him access to credit.
This betting account was set up a few years ago by him, in my name, and the information the gambling site need to verify identity is easy to hand for him - DOB, details of CC etc, all stuff a husband would know or could easily access. I didn't even know his username, so today when I rang them about it, once I verified some of their security questions that I was who I said I was, they then allowed me redirect all details to a different email address (mine) so I could change the password and prevent him access, which I have now done. I've never previously used a gambling site myself before today and didn't realise that I could have any control over it.

I just can't believe that both the betting company and the credit card company would allow that kind of money flow through an account in such a short space of time and it wouldn't trigger anything. Especially the credit card - they've suspended my account before for potentially dodgy transactions of $30, how come they would allow 34k pass through the credit card and not stop it?


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## Guest120

hp123 said:


> Especially the credit card - they've suspended my account before for potentially dodgy transactions of $30, how come they would allow 34k pass through the credit card and not stop it?


Becasue there is no real time validation between bet 365 and the credit card company. They are done in batches. Bet 365 would have accumulated the 34k and only posted it against the credit card in one batch transaction, which could have been even after you found out about the usage of the credit card.


----------



## Bronte

I am absolutely shocked at your story.  My husband has an online account with Paddy Powers and he does a flutter from time to time.  He loves big race meetings and I do two bets a year myself (Cheltenham Gold Cup and Grand National).  So I do understand something about betting.   But the money for gambling is lodged about 2 times a year by check (so that he loses an amount that we can afford and are happy with - about 1K a year) and I consider it a hobby of my husband's.  He then bets by telephoning.  Until your post I never realised that you could actually go online (drunk to boot) and just blow all the money you have basically.  You've scared the living daylights out of me.  

Bearing that in mind I'd like to understand a bit more as some of it doesn't make sense to me and I've incorporated some suggestions :

I don't understand why you changed the password on the betting account.  What good will this do?  Why didn't you close it down altogether.  
How come the online account was in your name and not your husband's?  
I would write a registered letter to all the online gambling websites outlining your name and husband's name and stating that you do not wish them to take any further bets from your/your husband's credit cards.  They must have a system that triggers an alarm bell when someone who is an addicted gambler tries to gamble.  
Have you actually added up how much your husband has lost in the past year.  
I don't see any point in reporting him for fraudulently using your credit card.  I imagine all this would do would land him in a debt, which ultimately will come to be paid by both of you. 
How come the credit card could be used in such a short period of time and to the max?  I know when I use my credit card in a different fashion to normal that they have to ring up to check I'm who I say I am.  I imagine in the early hours of a Saturday night and money going to a gambling site that this would trigger an alarm bell somewhere in the credit card company.  Ditto for the gambling website itself.  If they are responsible they shouldn't allow this to happen - I'd threaten to report them to the gambling ombudsman if such a thing exists.  It seems from previous posts they don't like adverse publicity so threatening to get on to the radio might help. 
Why are you sorting out this mess and not him?  Isn't it his responsibility
Why is there a problem with his credit card?
I'd actually cancel your credit cards as well.  Your husband will easily be able to find out all the codes/passwords etc.  You yourself have easily discovered his username on the online account so it would work for him too on your credit card.
I hope everything works out for you


----------



## jhegarty

Just thinking about something, I seem to remember that a drunk person can not enter a contract....

Any legal eagles able to verify ?


----------



## ney001

what is your husband doing about all of this??.  you mentioned that he was angry that you changed his password - doesn't sound like he's ready to quit.  He needs to get some plan into action to earn more money to pay for his gambling debts!, can he start doing overtime etc, can he raise money by maybe selling his car etc (if you have two cars) - make him get the bus to work - there should be some consequences for his actions!.  I don't want to harp on the point but you don't seem to have fully grasped the seriousness of the gambling addiction that he has i.e you are still keeping the accounts open, you are still keeping the computer/internet in the house where he can be easily tempted.  You said yourself that he is very persuasive and you just dropped your concerns as a result even though you knew it wasn't right!.  Do you think you are strong enough now to put the foot down completely with him i.e ban all forms of credit and limit his cash every week, ban the gaming sites (not just 365) but all of the others.  He is like every other addict, where there's a will there's a way and he will find a way to gamble unless you make it near impossible which will mean sacrificing the computer (or at least putting it under lock and key) and monitoring him carefully!.  Personally while it is worth while to see if you can at least get the debt reduced I don't think the bank or online site should be held responsible for your husbands actions - he needs to wake up and take responsibility instead of moping around feeling sorry for himself.


----------



## Thrifty1

> Just thinking about something, I seem to remember that a drunk person can not enter a contract....
> 
> Any legal eagles able to verify ?


 
True to a certain extent, as far as i can remember the other party has to be aware that the person was intoxicated. Obviously if its online this cant be verified.

Plus they have to be intoxicated to the extent that they did not understand what they were doing.


----------



## Guest127

Bluetonic said:


> Becasue there is no real time validation between bet 365 and the credit card company. They are done in batches. Bet 365 would have accumulated the 34k and only posted it against the credit card in one batch transaction, which could have been even after you found out about the usage of the credit card.


 
this might well be the case here. As an mbna cc holder I know that mbna treat betting deposits as cash withdrawals ie interest from day one. recently changed from boylesports to   paddy power and made sure I was in credit before depositing with PP.  happy that the deposit was covered a few days later I used the card again and checked online to verify. Paddy Power deposit was still not on card, other transaction was. I now know why and  agree with Bluetonic that this is a real possability. This is a shocking case and as someone who is painfully aware of the effect alcoholism had on a close family member I sympathise. No amount of immediate pain/hurt/apologies will stop an addiction. waiting for accums to come good is  part of the denial. If you are really serious about this you will have to take bagoftricks advice and get on to bet365 asap to sort out this mess. and if you husband hasn't already enrolled in GA then he is not alone in denial, he has no intention of doing anything about it.


----------



## ClubMan

hp123 said:


> GA are unavailable until this evening.


So - how did it go with them?


----------



## bagoftricks

Hp 

As i have stated i am more than happy to talk with you on the phone and go over the situation from start to finish and advise you what steps to take and who to contact. 

If you wish i will even go and negotiate on your behalf with bet365, that being said i would like all records of this matter to examine before i do so. 

I make a living from people who gamble online and i personally do not think that if this situation was explained properly to the right person and if everything occurred the way you described it how I could not get the debt reduced. 

The ball is in your court. If everything happened the way you said it did then you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. 


Regards 
Bag


----------



## HotdogsFolks

The fact as well that you're waiting for some of the bets to come through (the accumulators) makes me think this is no longer a case of a drunken mistake. You are actually soberly choosing to keep the bets running.


----------



## Vanilla

I have to commend bagoftricks for this offer. I also have to say I have a bad feeling about the OP too- either the OP is the gambler or they are kidding themselves. I hope the OP will wake up and grab the lifeline that has been extended.

Only other thing that has occurred to me is whether online gambling is regulated by IFSRA so OP could seek help from them or perhaps go to the Ombudsman and get some help there.


----------



## zag

Take some of the wise advice above - there's plenty of it there.

In terms of the accumulators - forget them, write them off, whatever.  What do you think the message will be to him if they come good ?  Of course (as any gambler will think and as you alluded to above) he will think he has beaten the system, his luck/skill has come good in the end and it was all a storm in a teacup . . . and it will all start up again.  Added to that, you will be in the dog house for trying to 'help' him.

In practice, don't write the bets off if they are still live and have a chance of coming good, but you should make very very very clear that this money is not coming his way if it does come good.

Gambling that sort of money - he should realise fully that this level of debt has the ability to land him in very serious trouble.  If he had spent that much of someone elses money do you think they would be thinking twice about calling the Gardai and letting him keep the account open ?

z


----------



## PM1234

Its an unfortunate situation and I know someone who was in a similar one (gambled the full deposit on a house) who went and still goes to GA.  GA recommend that everything is transferred into the gambler's partners name including salary, bank cards, joint accounts and even mortgage deeds! They advise that even buying a lottery card for someone else is gambling to an addict so I don't know what they would make of the OP's intent on seeing how previous bets pay off!

All you can do until your partner admits he has a problem is cover yourself. AFAIK GA also run meetings for partners of addicts so if you go along yourself you will get some practical financial advice which might help prevent something as drastic as this in the future. 

As for resolving the current problem of 34K debt, Bagoftricks has made an offer which is above and beyond what anyone could have expected. You can't afford to refuse his very generous offer.


----------



## kellysayers

KalEl - I don't want to actually close the bet365 account because there are some accumulators which have a very good chance of coming in over the next few weeks so it would be stupid to throw that chance away. I might try to see if they can agree to suspend it in some way - i.e. refuse all new bets.


that says it all! !!!my heart goes out to you but you have to draw the line somewhere. You have to cut your losses and get out and then you might be able to help him. if you go softly then it will never end.


----------



## Sister-Kevin

Waiting for "accumulators" that have a "good chance of paying off?"

It sounds like your husband is not the only one with a gambling problem.

Honestly I'd recommend joining GA yourself.

Once you do that, I'd suggest reviewing your finances and changing them so that his accounts are separate from yours. Look into using paypal for online transactions and calling your credit card company to block customer not present transactions (they can do that).  You can also look into single use credit cards (I think AIB do them).

Lastly I'd seriously suggest discussing divorce. Addicts need to hit rock bottom, you can help him glimpse that point if you quit enabling him and start forcing him to face consequences for his actions.

Get help for yourself first, change your finances to stop the harm to yourself next and finally stop enabling your partner.


----------



## SidTheDweeb

Sister-Kevin said:


> Waiting for "accumulators" that have a "good chance of paying off?"
> 
> It sounds like your husband is not the only one with a gambling problem.
> 
> Honestly I'd recommend joining GA yourself.
> 
> Once you do that, I'd suggest reviewing your finances and changing them so that his accounts are separate from yours. Look into using paypal for online transactions and calling your credit card company to block customer not present transactions (they can do that).  You can also look into single use credit cards (I think AIB do them).
> 
> Lastly I'd seriously suggest discussing divorce. Addicts need to hit rock bottom, you can help him glimpse that point if you quit enabling him and start forcing him to face consequences for his actions.
> 
> Get help for yourself first, change your finances to stop the harm to yourself next and finally stop enabling your partner.



A lot of sense spoken here. Heed the advice OP


----------



## Dr. Robotnik

hp123 said:


> We have had many arguments regarding the increase in volume of the transactions and I have been convinced that he has become addicted and have said so, but he has always been more assertive than me and I have not pushed it any further. Also, because he usually broke even, more or less, it appeared he was not risking our money
> 
> ....


 



hp123 said:


> I just can't believe that both the betting company and the credit card company would allow that kind of money flow through an account in such a short space of time and it wouldn't trigger anything. Especially the credit card - they've suspended my account before for potentially dodgy transactions of $30, how come they would allow 34k pass through the credit card and not stop it?


 
What kind of volume had been reached in the past? If it was regularaly in the tens of thousands, then perhaps bet365 are not being as irresponsible as first appeared. 

Also, do you really expect them to reduce the debt, and then pay you winning from accumulators? or after they don't win, then reduce the debt after taking the risk of lpaying you off? 

If you are to be taken any way seriously about this you should have asked them to void these and close the account already.


----------



## eiregal

> how come they would allow 34k pass through the credit card and not stop it?


But I thought the 34k was made up of monies from 4 different places and not from one credit card, ie 9k each on two different cards, 3k overdraft and 14k you already had (which, incidentally, comes to 35k)?


----------



## regenerate

Something interesting for you:

http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/article675422.ece



> *Internet addict gambled away £158,000 on his parents' cards *
> 
> *Son attempted suicide and now faces jail after running up debts in under an hour*
> 
> By Adam Fresco
> 
> He used 13 of his parents’ credit cards and, as he gambled into the early hours, ran up debts of £158,000. Mahan, 25, then tried to kill himself in what is believed to be Scotland’s worst case of internet gambling addiction.
> His parents, Linda and James, called in the police after the credit card companies told them that their insurance would not be valid unless they did so.
> Forfar Sheriff Court was told yesterday that Mahan kept gambling at his parents’ home in Brechin, Angus, in April last year until he exhausted the limits on all the credit cards.
> Sheriff Kevin Veal said: “If £150,000 can be lost in 50 minutes under clandestine conditions in the early hours of the morning, it is an issue so great that it needs to be addressed by the wider community. It is a social issue.”
> Brian Bell, the procurator fiscal, said: “Initially he’d made over £90,000 in profit but within an hour he continued gambling and started to lose money heavily until the credit cards ran dry. He then tried to commit suicide. The credit card companies indicated that unless the matter was reported to the police the insurance cover would not come into place and the parents would have to pay back the money.”
> John Clancy, representing Mahan, said that the case highlighted the dangers of the lack of regulation of internet gambling. “The court should be aware that internet gambling, along with alcohol and heroin, is the scourge of the 21st century because it is unregulated,” he said. “It also raises questions about the wisdom of credit card companies allowing borrowing levels to be raised without any real checks.
> “My own firm is seeing more and more cases of bankruptcies every week arising from addiction to online gambling.”
> Sheriff Veal, deferring sentence, warned Mahan, who admitted fraud, that he faces jail. He added: “One can understand the line that the credit card companies took because of the sums involved.
> “The quantum is so great that a prison sentence may have to be imposed in the public’s interest.”
> Graham Sharpe, a spokesman for William Hill, said that the gambling industry was heavily regulated. “The Government regulates gambling in this country and we do what we are required to do and more.
> “How could anybody know he was not who he said he was or that the credit cards were not his? If I spent £90,000 on a car with my credit card, would anybody criticise me?”
> Last month a young man left in charge of his parents’ home while they were on a two-day break ran up internet gambling debts of £30,000, using his father’s credit cards.
> Daniel Richardson, 22, of Darwen, Lancashire, spent less than half an hour placing bets of up to £5,000. Magistrates in Blackburn were told that he sent his parents an e-mail telling them where to find a written confession and gave himself up. Richardson, who was accompanied by his father, Stephen, a property developer, pleaded guilty to theft. He was made the subject of a community supervision order for 12 months and told to do 200 hours’ unpaid work.
> Catherine Allan, for the prosecution, said that Richardson, who works for his father, had a history of gambling problems.
> The Halifax has reimbursed £19,800 and MBNA £7,272 to his father. Stephen Richardson said: “Obviously £30,000 is a lot of money and I had my wife and family to think of so I had to go ahead with the prosecution.
> “If there had been a chance of custody I do not know what I would have done. I could not have sent my son to prison.”


----------



## aircobra19

Why would a couple have 13 or more credit cards? Is there a business reason for having that many? If you did why would you leave them accessible to someone with " a history of gambling problems".


----------



## Bronte

From previous posters it seemed the gambling companies would not like bad publicity and don't want to be seen condoning massive gambling, being such as responsibile industry and all that but based on that William Hill statement they couldn't care less which ties in with the OP saying she had gotton nowhere ringing bet 365.  Unless bagoftricks knows better than us. 

OP - I recommend getting everything in your name including the house, this could happen again even if you do everything in your power to prevent it.  If he runs up massive debts they will eventually go after his share of the house unless it belongs to you.  Also if he doesn't own any assets, it will make it harder for him to get credit etc.


----------



## HotdogsFolks

I know someone who works for a famous Irish gambling company, and their policy is "see no evil, hear no evil". Basically, don't get into a conversation about gambling problems with heavy gambling customers; if they say they might have a problem, legally their account has to be closed.


----------



## PMU

hp123 said:


> We had 14k, he has now maxed me out on my overdraft of 3k and on two credit card accounts of 9k each (I was only supposed to have one of them and when the bank transferred me to a new visa account they never cancelled the other limit). So basically yesterday we were 14k up, today we owe 20k.



 So your husband rang up a debt of 9k on a line of credit that was supposed to be cancelled? Any reasonable person would read this as your husband either deceitfully or possibly fraudulently used a line of credit to which he was not supposed to have access.  That the bank did not close it off is unfortunate; but your husband should not have accessed it. [It also indicates that perhaps your husband was not that inebriated after his night on the town, if he could figure out that this account was still available.] 

  What has happened is not the fault of the gaming or credit card company and you are just wasting time and effort trying to blame it on them due to possible inadequacies in their systems.  If your husband had won megabucks by exploiting such inadequacies you would not be looking for advice.

  Basically, you (collectively) need to take personal responsibility for this debt of 20k and draw up a plan to clear it.  While not insignificant, this is not a particularly large sum by today’s standards. If you own an average house it probably represents about 6% of your assets so it’s manageable and you are unlikely to lose your house over it.  You say you have a low mortgage, so could you extend your mortgage or modify your mortgage repayments until the debt is cleared? Could you ask the bank for a one off loan to clear it, and then pay the loan off by automatic monthly deductions?  Do you have any other savings or is there anything you can sell to pay off a lump sum on the debt and then pay off the rest at say €1,000 a month?  As a dual income family with a low mortgage you can easily clear this debt in 18 - 24 months if you put your mind to it.

  Look on the bright side.  Your husband didn’t do any of the other things that can easily happen after a night on the town, such as killing or maiming someone while drunk driving, downloading child porn over the internet, or shagging your best friend.  You’ve only lost money, that with sacrifice you can repay.   

  As for your husband’s possible gambling problem, your GP or maybe Gamblers Anonymous are better placed to direct you to possible sources of professional help than suggestions from unqualified but well-meaning persons on this forum.


----------



## TONY T

I think that you should take the advice given


----------



## HotdogsFolks

Hang on. I have never heard of any gambling websites which let you deposit money via your bank account.

Combined with the fact that the OP is waiting for the "accumulator" bets to come through...

This story seems a bit fishy.


----------



## Joe Nonety

HotdogsFolks said:


> Hang on. I have never heard of any gambling websites which let you deposit money via your bank account.


I've seen a few.
Also couldn't a deposit via debit card be considered a deposit via your bank account?


----------



## HotdogsFolks

Joe Nonety said:


> I've seen a few.
> couldn't a deposit via debit card be considered a deposit via your bank account?


 
Good point, hadn't thought of that.


----------



## Noor77

This story gets more bizarre by the hour. I'm beginning to think the OP is the husband.


----------



## bagoftricks

I am really hoping that is not the case. 

The only reason that i can think of that the OP would not contact me and let me attempt to help them if they were so distressed is that they are indeed the husband. 

Either way I am graciously going to remove myself from this matter as i have offered help and 7 years experience of the online gaming industry and dealing with situations like this in the past. 

Make no mistake, the proof is in the trail and once you are able to go through it all, it will become apparent either way. 

HP if this is indeed a legitimate case and you are not the gambler, i wish you all the best with which will be a long battle with addiction in your family and financial strain. If you are the gambler, get some help for the sake of your family and youself or you will be left with nothing. 

Regards 
Bag


----------



## KalEl

HotdogsFolks said:


> The fact as well that you're waiting for some of the bets to come through (the accumulators) makes me think this is no longer a case of a drunken mistake. You are actually soberly choosing to keep the bets running.


 
I'm just playing devils advocate here, but there is a chance these accumulators could help. They're probably pie in the sky but for all we know the husband could be waiting on Australia to win the World Cup to collect thousands. We just don't know. 
You really should pm bagoftricks...that is an offer of real help from someone with expertise.
I wish you well.


----------



## ClubMan

bagoftricks said:


> I am really hoping that is not the case.
> 
> The only reason that i can think of that the OP would not contact me and let me attempt to help them if they were so distressed is that they are indeed the husband.
> 
> Either way I am graciously going to remove myself from this matter as i have offered help and 7 years experience of the online gaming industry and dealing with situations like this in the past.
> 
> Make no mistake, the proof is in the trail and once you are able to go through it all, it will become apparent either way.
> 
> HP if this is indeed a legitimate case and you are not the gambler, i wish you all the best with which will be a long battle with addiction in your family and financial strain. If you are the gambler, get some help for the sake of your family and youself or you will be left with nothing.
> 
> Regards
> Bag


As far as I can see this was a very generous and gracious offer and it is a shame that the original poster did not take you up on it because, as you say, they had little to lose. Oh well - maybe somebody else can benefit from your advice in the future either posted here on _AAM _or, if you choose, offline.


----------



## hp123

Right, just to get a few things straight.  Unfortunately life must still go on, I still had to mind the kids, go to work etc, and I haven't been able to access the website since my last message especially since my husband was around the house any time I might have had a minute. I really appreciate the help and advice people are offering but find some of your assumptions a bit upsetting, but you don't know me so of course you're going to make assumptions - we all do.

I have pm'd bag of tricks and would appreciate any advice I can get but I'm reluctant to give up my anonymity to a stranger so hopefully he/she can stil help me. I've tried numerous times to contact GA and always get an answering machine. I've checked out their website and I am hoping to go to a GamAnon meeting next week, I really could do with someone to talk to as I'm finding it very stressful keeping the bright side out to everyone else but have no intention of discussing it with my own family - some things need to be kept within a marriage if the marriage is to survive. My husband is meeting a counsellor who specialises in gambling addictions, but to be honest I think it will be a long hard road. Nothing is black and white, he's not the bad guy and I'm not the good guy, I think he turned to gambling to fill a void that was in our marriage, so I think a lot of counselling is going to be needed for us both if we really want to sort this out for once and for all.

Now I know this post has strayed away from the original message which was in the appropriate "financial" forum but there were some things that needed to be said.  I haven't answered everything that was suggested or questioned, that would take all day (and thank you all for taking the time to reply) - but just take note I am dealing with it as best I can and I am taking people's advice seriously. I have cut off his access to both my funds and the betting account - however if he really wanted to bet,he could set up another one with cash from his business if he so wished so I will never be in a position to control all his access to money, so it is even more important that he gets the help he needs before it gets any worse.


----------



## SparkRite

OK,lets start off with an apology,in case I'm wrong.
I unreservedly apologise to all concerned if I am wrong,but this story stinks!
It has changed practically beyond all recognition from the original msg.
AKAIK all offers of help have been ignored!
And as a previous (heavy) online gambler I could not,even if I wanted to gamble 34(35)K in one sitting,I have even rang all my CC companies to allow more transactions at times,but to no avail.
I have tried them all.."Vegas Villa" "32 Red" "LuckyNugget" etc and all of them had a 2k limit within 24 hrs,unless u had a prior arrangement with them,where they looked for fairly comprehensive identification.
I dont balme "bagoftricks" if he wants out at this stage,he can neither do nor offer anymore!!
Thank God I got out when I did.
Again apologies if I am wrong.


----------



## hp123

Sparkrite everything I've said is completely accurate - unfortunately for me. Bet365 have no limit provided the funds are there. The story has not changed since I originally posted, just different aspects of it started to be discussed so that's where it has led.


----------



## Luternau

I think its time to lock the thread. OP has indicated that they have learned a lot and by all accounts wants to keep some degree of privacy to the whole affair. It certainly seems odd-but if someone has access to a few CC's they can probably beat the controls that are in place on some websites. Also if the company is not an irish company, the rules established in Ireland do not apply.


----------



## SparkRite

I accept all you are saying "hp123" but what I am saying is that unless it was the "norm" to have so many online transactions my CC companies(4) ALWAYS rejected after a predermined amount anymore debits.In fact I normally received a call from them to check if the allowed tranfers were legit.Maybe,and I mean maybe this is the first time u have "caught" him,I know I was good at hiding it,for a while.


----------



## ClubMan

hp123 said:


> and I haven't been able to access the website since my last message especially since my husband was around the house any time I might have had a minute.


I don't understand. Surely he could mind the kids while you use the internet? Or are you implying that here is some sort of pressure or even bullying going on here that means that you have to be circumspect about such matters?


> I have pm'd bag of tricks and would appreciate any advice I can get but I'm reluctant to give up my anonymity to a stranger


 No offence to _bagoftricks _but that is a reasonable concern.


> however if he really wanted to bet,he could set up another one with cash from his business if he so wished so I will never be in a position to control all his access to money, so it is even more important that he gets the help he needs before it gets any worse.


 Is he self employed? How is he managing to keep the show on the road with his ostensible gambling addiction?

_hp123 _- please post here or contact me or another moderator if you feel that this thread should be locked or removed at this stage.


----------



## Bronte

HP123 if indeed you are the wife of the gambler and I don't believe that you are not it seems to me you are blaming yourself.  That your marriage is rocky at the moment and your partner is convincing you that somehow you are to blame for the mess you are 'both' now in.  That's it's your fault he lost the money.  I have this experience myself as my father was a domineering controlling (alcoholic) husband and father.  He always convinced my mother that everything should be 'kept within the family' and going outside was treacherous to the extent that eventually my mother always thought it was always her fault when there were problems. Happily they are now separated.  

I've come to the conclusion you are in the same unhappy place.  I sincerely apologise if I am wrong but it seems to me it is you who are trying to sort out the mess, you who says there are problems in the marriage, you who is contacting GA, you who is going to GAAnon and you who has to hide going onto the internet (is he watching everything you do?) and all the while preoccupied while minding kids and working.  You're even afraid to talk to your own family - this is not normal.    He seems to be completely in control here.  I hope I'm wrong but I feel for you and I think only by going outside the marriage for help will you be able to see clearly.


----------



## Welfarite

hp123 said:


> I'm not looking for comments on his actions. I'm looking for practical advice. What can I do to clear this debt?



This quote is from the first post....all that's been posted in between has varied from being helpful (very in bagoftrick's case), judgemental, disbelieving, supportive....etc....etc... Maybe we should get back to basics here. Yes, there are addiction issues, marital issues. But the OP wants a way to sort out the debt and our advice on that. I can't see what more advice can be given.

1. She can follow up the betting co. with BOT's help, privately and try and get it reduced.

2. She can chase the bank's re allowing such amounts to be debited from her cards without warning her (any bank people here who have had to deal with an experience like hers?)

That is one issue.

The other issues re gambling addiction, etc can only be dealt with over time, between herself and hubby.


----------



## HotdogsFolks

Welfarite, well the fact that she considers the bets to be valid (she's waiting for some of them to see if they'll win or not) is what's gotten her the bit of flack I think.

The fact that she considers the bets to be valid, in my opinion, makes the 34k loss a valid loss, and she should not get any of it back.

It's wrong for the betting companies to have to return her losses just because she lost.

(Sorry if I sound harsh.)


----------



## jhegarty

HotdogsFolks said:


> Welfarite, well the fact that she considers the bets to be valid (she's waiting for some of them to see if they'll win or not) is what's gotten her the bit of flack I think.
> 
> The fact that she considers the bets to be valid, in my opinion, makes the 34k loss a valid loss, and she should not get any of it back.
> 
> It's wrong for the betting companies to have to return her losses just because she lost.
> 
> (Sorry if I sound harsh.)



I doesn't matter if she thinks the bets are valid , it matters if the site does..


If 365 say they are valid , and she won't get the stake back , then hopefully even a few 100 euro back will help....


We don't know what the bets are on , perhaps 3 of 4 items are the bet has happened .....


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## Martinslan

I have read this thread with interest since it started 3 days ago. I think the help and advise has been to the point supportive and in the case of Bagoftricks huge. in the last 5 minutes I looked up the GA Ireland Web site. I rang the Dublin land line number which was answered promptly by a man only too happy to talk to me about GA. There are meetings in Dublin  7 days a week. Same in Cork. Other areas / cities are different. All is specified on their Web site. Very impressive service. All my twocents worth is please please take all the help offered.


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## bagoftricks

I think Hp has gotten a lot of good advice from people who have lived through the mess she is going through right now and people who have dealt with similiar situations in the past. 

Deep down i think she knows what needs to be done to be able to put this mess behind and it really wont be easy and it is going to take alot of time and effort on both her partners part and her own. 

I have pm'd her the first steps to carry out before she can negotiate successfully with 365. She can do this anonymously and i can guide her along the way.

The only reason i am willing to get involved in this is because on the current evidence(unless proven incorrect) the operator is not acting in a socially responsible fashion. 

Anyway lets hope it works out for her if everything is above board.

Regards
Bag


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## Bronte

When you guys speak about a debit card, do you mean a laser card?  For clarity - the card that you can use in a shop to purchase groceries and the money comes straight out of your own account, (in other words not a credit card) and you use a pin rather than a signature. If the answer is yes could you explain to me how you can withdraw 14K on a laser card in one night.  Aren't their daily limits in Ireland or does it allow you to take all the money in the account out.  Also aren't laser cards linked to current accounts not deposit accounts as I assume most of you keep large amounts in deposit accounts and not current accounts.  Unless it's a business account I guess.  This year for the first time I've been able to pay an Irish bill (rubbish charges) using my Irish lasercard on line so I understand that you can yes transfer money from your current account to an online/web account.  But I would seriously like to know that there are limits - yes I'm off to read the terms and conditions later - when I find them!


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## Maggie B

Hi HP123,
there are two things you mentioned, (1) you were not able to access internet as your husband was around.  I can understand that as you probably did not want him to know you were posting messages about your problems.   (2) you do not want family to know, again this is understandable you are probably hoping that in the future things will be sorted and no one will know. Do you have a sister you can talk to? you need someone close you can trust.


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## Elphaba

HP123,
You cant carry on like this, it will come to a head sooner or later. Why are you covering up for him? He blames his addiction on your marriage problems, therefore you blame yourself for his addiction. You may be married but its his debt, not yours! Stop feeling guilty. Remember your first responsibility is to yourself and your children, I think you've lost sight of this as you've been so distracted covering up for him and keeping up appearances that everythings o.k. I hope it goes well for you talking to GA,
good luck.


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## hp123

Thanks everyone for your replies. I will take on board the advice and comments made, some of it I have already acted upon.

I think this thread has now run its course and should be locked.  If anyone has any other advice please pm me.


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## Thirsty

> everything in your name including the house


 
Assuming the couple are married - the Family Home Act will apply, makes no difference if the family home is in one name or both.


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## ClubMan

Aileen2 said:


> For clarity - the card that you can use in a shop to purchase groceries and the money comes straight out of your own account, (in other words not a credit card) and you use a pin rather than a signature.


Not on all cards - I have a _PTSB ATM/Laser/Cirrus _card that is not chip and _PIN _and still requires a signature for _Laser _transactions.


> But I would seriously like to know that there are limits


I always thought that _Laser _allows you to spend as much as you had in the account but maybe the (_PTSB_ in this case) limits of €700 (?) per day on _ATM _cash withdrawals or €3K for phone/online banking transfers (€6K if you use both) kick in here too?


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## rgfuller

There is a ceiling limit per Laser Transaction of €1500
[broken link removed]
However it does not mention weather you can perform 5 or 6 transactions in a row to get €7500 to €9000 withdrawn


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