# family dispute - advice needed about text messages sent.



## bobby6 (20 Sep 2013)

Hi all, my wife and her sister  have a dispute which started over dreadful comments made to my wife by her sister verbally, it then got to text messages, my wife clearly stated in the texts for her sister not to contact her but she continued to do so sending what look like polite text's but aren't if you know the context, my wife sent some un polite texts back again with the clear instruction to stop contacting her and her sister continued to keep texting my wife, we then received a letter from sisters husband saying we are dreadful people and he wants an end to the texting, he says some of the content from my wife could lead to legal proceedings against us. Does the fact that the sister in law continued to text despite the instruction not too count as harrasement and if so could we still be in trouble for content of return messages? all contact was initiated by sister (texts) and her husband (letter) never once by us.


----------



## Bronte (20 Sep 2013)

It's about time someobody or everybody apologised.  Life's too short.  And if it cannot be resolved, then change the phone number.  And ignore.


----------



## IsleOfMan (20 Sep 2013)

The texts were sister to sister but the "husband" called you both dreadful people. What did you do?


----------



## emeralds (20 Sep 2013)

Block the number. Delete texts as they arrive - don't even read them.


----------



## commonsense (20 Sep 2013)

bobby6 said:


> Hi all, my wife and her sister  have a dispute which started over dreadful comments made to my wife by her sister verbally, it then got to text messages, my wife clearly stated in the texts for her sister not to contact her but she continued to do so sending what look like polite text's but aren't if you know the context,



At this stage your wife should have blocked her sisters number or ignored her. 




bobby6 said:


> my wife sent some un polite texts back again with the clear instruction to stop contacting her and her sister continued to keep texting my wife, .



But isn't this a mixed message for her sister? On one hand shouting "stop" while on the other hand behaving as badly or (as it appears) worse than her sister? 




bobby6 said:


> we then received a letter from sisters husband saying we are dreadful people and he wants an end to the texting, he says some of the content from my wife could lead to legal proceedings against us. Does the fact that the sister in law continued to text despite the instruction not too count as harrasement and if so could we still be in trouble for content of return messages? all contact was initiated by sister (texts) and her husband (letter) never once by us.



But your wife did nothing to prevent the commincation. What she did was continue to engage with her sister.

If you take this example - say your wife's sister pushed her and your wife said "stop" and her sister did it again. Now if your wife did nothing but reported this then it's assault.

But if your wife pushed her back, lost her temper and then proceeded to beat the crap out of her all the time shouting " I told you not to touch me", causing her sister an injury, then she really could not defend herself by saying "Well I told her not to touch me". 

Now I'm not a legal expert but it seems to me that they have both behaved very badly and said some nasty things to each other.  

There was a recent case about two sisters involved in a dispute. They worked in the same place and one day one of the sisters attacked the other in the canteen, it ended up in a brawl. Both were sacked (an appeal from the sister who was attacked is underway), but their employers didn't care who started what - it was the way that they both behaved that led to them being sacked.


----------



## mathepac (20 Sep 2013)

Bronte said:


> It's about time someobody or everybody apologised.  Life's too short.... .


+1. Instead of engaging in behaviour that sounds like that of a bunch of sulky, bad-mannered 12 year olds, grow up.


----------



## BOXtheFOX (20 Sep 2013)

bobby6 said:


> we then received a letter from sisters husband saying we are dreadful people



He might be the one who is in trouble for sending the letter.


----------



## SarahMc (20 Sep 2013)

BOXtheFOX said:


> He might be the one who is in trouble for sending the letter.



In trouble with who? Honestly I can't see the Gardai or Courts being interested in some tiff between sisters, with nothing more damaging than hurtful words via text. Let the sisters sort it out (or not) between them, what on earth are the husbands doing getting in the middle of this?


----------



## commonsense (20 Sep 2013)

SarahMc said:


> In trouble with who? Honestly I can't see the Gardai or Courts being interested in some tiff between sisters, with nothing more damaging than hurtful words via text. Let the sisters sort it out (or not) between them, what on earth are the husbands doing getting in the middle of this?



+1 I'm all for being supportive, but let these women sort their own issues out.


----------



## Eithneangela (20 Sep 2013)

This forum is for serious problems/issues which people are experiencing. I think the OP's post is vexatious, nonsensical and should be totally ignored.


----------



## pudds (20 Sep 2013)

I doubt this tiff would even make it to the Judge Judy courtroom... get a new sim and move on would be my advice.


----------



## commonsense (20 Sep 2013)

Eithneangela said:


> This forum is for serious problems/issues which people are experiencing. I think the OP's post is vexatious, nonsensical and should be totally ignored.



I always say that everyone's pain is their own, While some may view it as nonsensical, if you are caught up in it then it's quite different. 

It's good to look for an alternate point of view - sometimes it gives you clarity.


----------



## bobby6 (21 Sep 2013)

Hi everyone, thanks for your comments and advice on our dispute,

Bronte: my wife's sister should have just apologised. We feel we've nothing to apologise for, we didn't bring this situation about. 

IsleOfMan: I replied to his letter to us setting out the facts of the situation             which he doesn't agree with.

Emeralds: its got to the letters now so there has been no more texting.

Commonsense: yes my wife should have ignored the texts which I advised her to do but anger got the better of her I also decided not to get involved untill her husband sent us the first of his letters.

Mathepac:  the texts messages were childish but the letters we've received aren't which is why I was looking for advice.

BOXtheFOX: I have an appointment with a solicitor on Tuesday and will let you all know what he advises.

SarahMc: I agree and didn't get involved untill he involved me by sending the first letter.

Eithneangela: It is a serious problem and not nonsensical, a family is going to be destroyed by this if not already, my wife's parents are distraught about it and are both ill due to the stress of it as their grandchildren aren't allowed see them as brother in law thinks they are taking sides which they aren't, daughter won't talk to them or attend family functions etc. We are in the middle of our own crisis with our baby who is very sick in hospital and whom the comments verbally and by text made to my wife were about originally. We could well do without this right now but we won't be left alone.

pudds: you may be right, I wanted to know legally where we stood if it came to that as I want to put a stop to this situation.

commonsense: thanks, exactly when you are mixed up in something like this it is very different. it is a simple argument which has now gone too far.

Will let you all know what happens.


----------



## mandelbrot (21 Sep 2013)

Eithneangela said:


> This forum is for serious problems/issues which people are experiencing. I think the OP's post is vexatious, nonsensical and should be totally ignored.



Well _*I*_ think your post is vexatious and should be ignored...! 

Feuds that tear families apart start from exactly this sort of trivial dispute. Without knowing the people involved, what they're arguing about, and what battle lines their wider extended family are drawing, I think it's very presumptuous of you to say it's not a serious problem/issue.


----------



## dub_nerd (21 Sep 2013)

The premise of the original question seems flawed. How can the contents of a text message lead to legal proceedings? As far as I know you can't defame or libel someone in a direct one-to-one communication. If it was a case of serious threats of harm against the person then it's a matter for the police, not a solicitor, but the chances of the police taking any interest in what's obviously a spat between two sisters is less than zero. Clearly emotional hurt has been caused but that is not a legal matter. If anyone is big enough to exercise humility, and there is any good will left that might allow an olive branch to be offered and accepted, then pursue it -- your family's wellbeing is at stake. Otherwise don't initiate or respond to any further communication, and avoid making a bad situation worse.


----------



## bacchus (21 Sep 2013)

All seems very childish to me. Could not agree more with Bronte.


----------



## Bronte (23 Sep 2013)

bobby6 said:


> It is a serious problem and not nonsensical, a family is going to be destroyed by this if not already, .


 
I sincerely hope Bobby6 that one person in all this mess will see sense, maybe that person could be you. I hope by your posting on here that you intend to try and mend bridges. 

If that cannot be done, if the other side don't reciprocate, you and your wife, can still be the bigger people and by your behavour and actions can come out of this well. This might mean apologising. And there is no shame in that. But only apologise if you mean it. It takes someone strong to do this.  But it looks like many people have behaved badly, despite the provocation.


----------

