# Child maintenance



## Dana (11 Feb 2008)

Hello all,

I am aware that this issue might have been discussed in the past but I need urgent opinion with regards to my situation.

My husband and I are talking about separation, we are both in full time employement. We have a mortage (1,700 a month) and three children.

I would like to keep the children and I brought up the issue of child maintenance. He said the state provided child benefit of about 500 euros a month is more than adequate.

I earn a net income of about 3,100 a month, if I paid the mortage, child minding fees and other expenses, child benefit of 500 euro a month will mean very little.

He earns about the same income as me.

I do not have the desire to enter into a protratced meaningless fight, so I have suggested that he keeps the children and the child benefit.

This will make me very sad.

Does anybody have an opinion on this?

Kind regards


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## ClubMan (11 Feb 2008)

Moved from Public Sector Pensions.


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## efm (11 Feb 2008)

Dana said:


> I do not have the desire to enter into a protratced meaningless fight, so I have suggested that he keeps the children and the child benefit.


 
If he keeps the children then he may well be able to claim maintenance from you.

Whoever ends up "keeping" the children will have additonal and greater expenses over the other party and it may be reasonable to expect additional payment to cover this expense.

I think, but I am not sure, that child benefit isn't counted by the courts when assessing income in seperation cases.

From a financial point of view you need to sit down and realistically budget for the different scenarios and see what it would mean to you. Another question to consider is what happens your current house.

Caveat - I am not a solicitor nor involved in the legal profession or in family law in any way


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## Dana (11 Feb 2008)

Thanks efm,

I asked that he keeps the children because I know it is unreasonable to say Child benefit is enough. If he asks for maintenance then he is changing the position he has taken when it comes to himself.

I will seek more information regarding whether the courts consider child benefit when setting maintenance allowance. I really do not want to end up in court, I just what a reasonable private solution.

Thanks again

Dana


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## csirl (11 Feb 2008)

Child maintenance paid by the State is recouped from the parent who doesnt have custody.

In Ireland, whoever has the children usually gets the house, even if the ex is paying mortgage.

You should talk to a solicitor who specialises in family law because this area of law is complex and its difficult for anyone to say exactly what will happen without knowing the exact circumstances.


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## ClubMan (11 Feb 2008)

Off topic posts removed. Please stick to the question posed by the original poster.


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## sam h (11 Feb 2008)

Hi Dana, can you clarify if he is talking about child benefit + child maintenance OR just child benift.  

If he reckons you can support the children without him making any additional payment, then I reckon he is mistaken.  I reckon any court would award you additional maintenance for the children.  You should also consider the fact that you may find it difficult to continue in full-time employment and as such the court may award some element of spouse maintenance (much harder for a single parent to cover all the elements of childcare than a 2 parent family).  

You may not wish to have a row, but you will find it harder to get this recitfied down the road, especially if he appears to be trying to avoid his responsibilities.  If you can't make him see reason when you detail all the expenses and time involved in raising a family of 3 kids, it would probably be well worth employing the service of a good family solicitor.  Obviously it is cheaper to sort all of this in an amiacible way.


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## homeowner (11 Feb 2008)

Dana said:


> Hello all,
> 
> I am aware that this issue might have been discussed in the past but I need urgent opinion with regards to my situation.
> 
> ...


 
Firstly, sorry to hear about your situation.  

You will have to go through some sort of legal proceedings to get seperated and part of that will be to decide who takes care of the children and when.  I think your attitude to just leave the kids with him to avoid sorting the money side of things legally is a bit of a cop out although I am sure you are going through an extremely tough time at the moment and cant step back from it.

Its not up to one party to decide what you pay each other for child support.  The court will decide and it doesnt have to be a long drawn out process if you two sit down and agree on what it costs to maintain the children for 1 month and divide it by 2.  Its not difficult to add up the bills and see what it comes to.  

At the risk of preaching the obvious the owness is on both of you to provide for your children and I am really baffled as to how you can consider "giving" the kids to him to support because you cant deal with sorting it out.  Ideally you should both share custody, many couples do this.

Good luck with it.


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## BountyHunter (14 Feb 2008)

Hi OP,

  Have you asked your other half how he would feel about "keeping" the kids and obviously staying in the family home? 
In any case like this the children have to come first and if indeed you need a court to make certain decisions then maybe its for the best, you may want a "reasonable private solution" but as things progess its possible that either of you may not be so reasonable.

BountyHunter.


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## csirl (14 Feb 2008)

> Does anybody have an opinion on this?


 
Dont think either or the proposals outlined in your post will fly in a Family Law court.

Whichever person is looking after the children will more than likely be allowed live in the family home and will have to be paid reasonable maintenance by the other person. I dont think that either of you could get away with walking away and leaving the other to support the children on child benefit alone. Irish family law tends to be more family centric that other countries - the type of clean breaks you hear off in UK or US are not normal here. The family home is usually ring fenced for the children to live in and costs of bringing them up paid by both parents.


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## terrysgirl33 (14 Feb 2008)

Dana, I'm very sorry to hear about the situation you are in.

AFAIK, if you don't want to deal with maintanence, then the solution to go for would be joint custody where the children spend approx half their time with each of you.  You would have to split the childrens allowence, but since your children are entitled to be supported by both parents, this way neither of you has to hand over money to the other person.


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## SarahMc (14 Feb 2008)

Dana, I appreciate that you are going through a tough time, and may be emotionally exhaused, but you are going to have to find the strength to sort out between you custody, access and maintenance for your children.  

If you do not want to involve solicitors or courts, family mediation is a very sensible option.


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## becky (15 Feb 2008)

It's a hard time for you but you will have to involve some kind of third party to assist you. As someone said you and your husband will still have responsibility including financial for the children no matter what the final arrangments are.


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