# Friend with debt problems



## blinkbelle (25 Oct 2006)

Hi.

Well firstly I dont know if im posting in the appropiate place, please move if not.

Some people might remember a while ago, a good friend of mine wanted to borrow some money from me to go on hoilday, I didnt give it to her as I didnt feel she would pay me it back.

Anyways she was here last night and it all came out, her debt problems are bigger than I thought. So I want to try and help her in any way I can, ive told her to get a note book write down everything, cut up credit cards, and go to MABS. 

Here is some of her loans, shes getting back to me with the rest.

CC 1 5,500
CC 2 2,000
BOI 10,000
CU 12,000
Credit in shops and mail order stuff, 4,000
Overdraft 2000

At the min she is paying the min balance on both credit cards, paying her credit union and bank of ireland loan on time, but has been late with the credit union loan a few times.

Shes not doing anything about the overdraft or the purchases from shop just leaving it sitting on the account.

Also pays min balance on her catalouge think its kays/family album not sure.

She earns about 30,000. 

I am looking to see if theres anything else I can suggest to help her, even clearing the smaller loans. Would she be better of looking to consolidate the small amounts?

I am not really financially minded but i would love to help her as she is a very good friend to me and has helped me through a lot of bad times.

Thanks,
Blinkbelle


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## HotdogsFolks (25 Oct 2006)

Has she changed her spending habits or is she still wasting money, going on holidays she can't afford etc. ?


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## conor_mc (25 Oct 2006)

Firstly, there are a number of threads about which deal with similar issues.

In short, your friend needs to:

1) Visit MABS asap.

2) figure out what she's overspending on. There is no point in clearing all of these debts if she will just run them up again.

3) Minimise outgoings, maximise income. Get rid of unnecessary expenses such as bill-pay mobile phones, satellite TV, buying sandwiches at lunch every day, excessive clothes shopping(!!!). Get a second job if possible.

4) Set up a plan. Your friend is €35k in debt. It's a lot of money, but there are plenty of people who buy €35k cars over 5 years so it's not insurmountable. But it's important for her to recognise that it will take an awful lot of self-discipline and sacrifice. There is no easy fix, so it will take a few years at least to get it under control.


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## blinkbelle (25 Oct 2006)

Hi hotdogsfolks,

well she went on the hoil she used BOI overdraft for that, crazy i know. Usually people save to go on hoilday, its just like she wants everything now which is stupid.

I think she has realised what mess she is in like shes 27 years old and I suppose thinking about her future. I dunno but I do know that she wants to get debt free. She's also thinking of buying a house with the fella.

I told her not to go down that road yet as she still has the debt and wouldnt be able to afford mortgage repayments.


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## blinkbelle (25 Oct 2006)

hi conner,

thanks for that she does tend to overspeand on clothes, make up, designer stuff alot, and sandwiches at work, coffee, she spends €5 every mornin on breakfast then at least €10 at lunch plus maybe 3 coffee's throughout the day


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## conor_mc (25 Oct 2006)

blinkbelle said:


> hi conner,
> 
> thanks for that she does tend to overspeand on clothes, make up, designer stuff alot, and sandwiches at work, coffee, she spends €5 every mornin on breakfast then at least €10 at lunch plus maybe 3 coffee's throughout the day


 
Who does she think she is, Paris Hilton?

Seriously, even her daily spend is way too much.

- €5 every morning is €25 a week - how much is a box of cornflakes these days?
- €10 every day on lunches - bring in sandwiches, maybe the odd microwave meal (from Dunnes not M&S!) could save her €35 a week easily.
- 3 coffees a day.... simply unnecessary and don't need to be replaced full-stop. Does her job not have any tea/coffee-making facilities? Does she have to drink latte's and cappucinos? Reckon she could save €30 a week there too, depending on where she's buying these coffees.

Right there she could be saving herself €85 a week minimum. And I haven't even started on her clothes and make-up shopping!


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## nelly (25 Oct 2006)

in a way i feel sorry for her because as the same age myself i know that society/ media told us once we were graduates we could live in River Island, travel around the world, drive a posh mini etc cause we graduated into the celtic tiger. The reality is (for me anyhow) there was no celtic tiger, rents went up in anywhere half decent, it was more economical to spend than save hense difficult to get myself saving and although i got a good job it aint civil service and it aint increasing with benchmarking. 

For me her level of debt would keep me up nights because i was reared that if you ain't got it you can't spend it - my friends are another story - much like yours. 

So i became the office freak when i started saving for wedding/ house, you know the one who wore the same gear week after week, brought my BT bag of fruit and dinner to be heated up - hotcup & hot chocolate sachet instead of 80c machine, cut out going out unless it was to cinema or if to a bar i drove etc. skipped the foreign holiday last year. but managed to buy in an area where most of my office glam girlies cannot afford, because they don't want to go to the lenghts that i have.

the biggest challange your friend faces is not the savings or paying back the money it is that her whole life has evolved around spending and she will need to reevaluate every action & purchase one by one and reinvent herself. When discussing this with friends i do know i sound like i am a freak but then i have gotten where i am with my hubbie all on our own salaries (nobody came bearing gift cheques!). 
You can help her by having friends around for a pasta might, girie DVD nights, meeting for walks in the park on saturday (some very fit joggers)- instead of town for pints or food, heading home from bar before nightclub, swop "going out" clothes etc. 

As i say it is not just a 2D stop spending its a total lifestyle change which is scary.


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## kramer2006 (25 Oct 2006)

blinkbelle said:


> well she went on the hol she used BOI overdraft for that, crazy i know.


 
With the greatest of respect blinkbelle, why are you the one who's asking for advice on AAM? Your friend really doesn't seem too bothered about her debts, from what you've told us. She still went on her holiday despite the huge debts. Your friend has a very modest salary, she obviously doesn't recognise that her lifestyle doesn't match her income. Delusions of grandeur maybe?

In short, surely your friend should be the one posting on this site? Or at least browsing the many debt-related threads on AAM? Is she *bothered*?



blinkbelle said:


> She's also thinking of buying a house with the fella.


 
Amazing. Do you honestly think a lender is going to give your friend a substantial loan with debts like that? In today's climate? She's in for a serious shock. I pity the poor fella.

(Aside: I'm quite alaramed at the number of threads like this on AAM in recent months. A sign of the times in Ireland perhaps?)


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## nelly (25 Oct 2006)

kramer2006 said:


> I pity the poor fella.



WHY?? He has to know where the bling comes from? as the old saying goes "throw a sprat to catch a mackerel" maybe he is  loaded or in love? (hopefully both)


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## kramer2006 (25 Oct 2006)

nelly said:


> WHY?? He has to know where the bling comes from? as the old saying goes "throw a sprat to catch a mackerel" maybe he is loaded or in love? (hopefully both)


 
Should have elaborated on that, instead of making a flip remark. Ok ...

I feel sorry for the chap, certainly not because the lady has debt, significant debt. It's because this girl seems to be living in la-la land. Where is her head at? She's got debts of over 40K and borrows money via overdraft to go on holiday!!!


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## nelly (25 Oct 2006)

totally agree - the frightening thing is we all (i believe) know someone like this we just don't know how much debt there is. I shared a house wiht a girl who brought her car for a service and walked out having bought a brand new car, on a whim, hit the CU that weekend and had the loan and all by the time she was driving in style. the logic is I work hard why shouldn't i treat myself? 

Spend, spend and God will send


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## uptomyears (25 Oct 2006)

I can totally understand where this girl is coming from.  I am currently in an awful state myself, you could say €15,000 more in debt then your friend.  I spent the last two days sick to my stomach with worry, sleepness nights and lots of tears.  I feel I cant tell anyone close to me as they would be disgusted.  I sometimes think there is no way out and I do always feel sorry for the lovely things I have, ie, car, house clothes etc.


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## uptomyears (25 Oct 2006)

have you been talking to your friend since?  I have already made an appointment with mabs and I have been on to my mortgage company about my mortgage.


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## nelly (25 Oct 2006)

There is no point making yourself sick, realise what you have is not really yours as  you have not paid for it. See you have to make a change and if you accept it then working with Mabs will help you and although it won't be easy you have to stay focused and not give up on yourself.


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## uptomyears (25 Oct 2006)

Ya I know, but I cant help feeling like i hit the bottom.  Im not looking forward to xmas or anything.  Im finding it hard to get tenants etc.  Thanks for the advice.


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## blinkbelle (25 Oct 2006)

hi again,

well im posting for her because she doesnt have any access to the internet, i will show her this thread if she comes around this evening.

Nelly I totally agree with everything you say, my partner and I have saved every cent we get and bought our house finally this year, we are so delighted that we did at the time.  We are now saving for wedding but lookin at the cost of weddings we'll be saving a long time!

The fella is in and out of jobs like a yo yo.  He knows damm well that she has run up a pile of debt.

She has a 06 car and he swans about in it half the time, like I dunno if he puts the petrol in it, dunno who pays the tax.

I am a lot younger than her and yes i do pity her, but when i think about it she got herself into this mess theres not alot else i can do for her.  

Myself and her are going to MABS tomorrow morning.


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## conor_mc (25 Oct 2006)

blinkbelle said:


> She has a 06 car.....


 
Surely that's gotta go. A €2,000 car will do exactly the same job. A brand new car must account for at least 15k of her debt.

I think your friend needs to move away from the Jones's..... keeping up with them is a killer!!!


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## ClubMan (25 Oct 2006)

nelly said:


> in a way i feel sorry for her because as the same age myself i know that society/ media told us once we were graduates we could live in River Island, travel around the world, drive a posh mini etc cause we graduated into the celtic tiger.


Society/the media got me into debt - that's a good one!


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## nelly (26 Oct 2006)

ClubMan said:


> Society/the media got me into debt - that's a good one!



sad but i believe its true - hear no evil see no evil...


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## ClubMan (26 Oct 2006)

It's not true. Society/the media are not responsible for the actions of any individual.


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## MHSpurs (26 Oct 2006)

Fact: An individuals actions and decision making process are a direct consequence of their life experiences! 


Has the person been exposed to society and media influences?

If so then it is reasonable to assume that society and media have contributed to their outlook on debt.


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## ClubMan (26 Oct 2006)

Individuals ultimately make decisions of their own volition. To blame the media/society for one's debts problems is a real cop-out.


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## DJC (26 Oct 2006)

ClubMan said:


> It's not true. Society/the media are not responsible for the actions of any individual.


 
Well, it's kind of true.... 
Society/media have some responsibility for influencing the way people behave. OK, the individual has to take responsibility for acting on the influence, and can't rely on blaming society as an excuse not to change the habits that got them into a mess, but when a particular message is so pervasive in everyday life it's hard for the individual to ignore. 

Plenty of financial institutions added to the 'irrational exuberance' with credit-on-a-plate offers, and how much media coverage was given to big spenders and those living the high life compared to that given to the Eddie Hobbs's of this world? Maybe society as a whole didn't pull the trigger, but didn't it protest either when the institutions that shape it were telling people how great guns are and where they could get them, at a low apr...


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## ClubMan (26 Oct 2006)

DJC said:


> OK, the individual has to take responsibility for acting on the influence, and can't rely on blaming society as an excuse not to change the habits that got them into a mess, but when a particular message is so pervasive in everyday life it's hard for the individual to ignore.


But not impossible.


> Plenty of financial institutions added to the 'irrational exuberance' with credit-on-a-plate offers, and how much media coverage was given to big spenders and those living the high life compared to that given to the Eddie Hobbs's of this world? Maybe society as a whole didn't pull the trigger, but didn't it protest either when the institutions that shape it were telling people how great guns are and where they could get them, at a low apr...


People decide to take out credit of their own volition. Nobody else forces them.


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## Jimmy Mook (26 Oct 2006)

I'm with Clubman on this one. Its easy to blame society, the meeja, etc for one's own actions and decisions. Whatever happened to a bit of personal responsibility?


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## greenback (26 Oct 2006)

I'm sure Eddie Hobbs would love a case like this!....or Ocean Finance!!


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## CCOVICH (26 Oct 2006)

Ok, let's stick to the issue of how to address the individual's problems and not those of society's as a whole.

Feel free to carry on such a discussion/debate in _Letting off Steam_.


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