# single mum expecting second child...



## mummy

Hello, everyone im a new at this site and i have big worry and cannt calm down(
situation looks like that; i have 1 child ,he is 3 years old and now i expecting second child,everything looks ok ,but i im very depressed because i even dont know my babys father,i had short romance with that men,and he went to America...i didnt feel that im pregnant untill 3 months of pregnance(now im 4th month pregnant) the thing is that im getting One Parent Family,because not keep in touch with first child`s father.Just dont know what to do...(( when i should to report to social that i expecting other child or can not say untill child will born????????
thanks


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## cleverclogs7

go down to your social welfare office,explain your situation,the father left and went back to the u.s.a . they will help you in anyway they can.i have 2 children.2 diferent dads.both ran when i became pregnant.social give me loan parent for both children and helped me with renting a property.

good luck


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## mummy

thankyou for the answer ,about father i dont know nothing only name and he is irish ,because he was here on holiday ,i dont know even mobile ,nothing;(so its better to go now to say to social about pregnancy you saying...


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## mummy

i will try to go asap.i getting rent allowance too,so i have to inform social (one parent family)and health board(rent) too?sorry for silly q? but im very confused


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## Welfarite

cleverclogs7 said:


> go down to your social welfare office,explain your situation,the father left and went back to the u.s.a . they will help you in anyway they can.i have 2 children.2 diferent dads.both ran when i became pregnant.social give me loan parent for both children and helped me with renting a property.
> 
> good luck


There is no point informing SW as the baby is not due for another 5 months.

There is no problem making a claim for a second child when the time comes. Of course, they will ask for details of the father and ask yopu to look for maintainence but if the situation is as you stated and you tell them this, there will be expectancy to do any more than you can to trace him.


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## Brianne

[broken link removed]
Sorry to hear about your situation. Why don't you have a look at the above; you need to talk to someone and get support during this difficult time. Forget about social welfare for the moment, as welfarite says, baby is not due for another few months. But you are understandably upset and anxious and you need to talk in confidence to someone who will listen and help. Take a deep breath and calm down, it's normal to be very upset and frightened but there is help out there and you'll get through this. Best of luck.


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## ClubMan

Just note that _Cura _is a [broken link removed] so may not provide the same breadth of counselling/advice as [broken link removed].

[broken link removed]


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## mummy

thankyou for advices and help,but i feels really bad i lost half hair in 4 weeks from such a stress...Welfarite, i dont believe that cannt find him,because i thinking he could have a gf in U.S.A too,because he not wanted even to meet me again((


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## Bluee

Hi mummy,
What a hard time for you right now..
Things look bad now and stressful but will all work out for you..
Have you any family or friends that can lend you some support now??
As others have said social welfare will sort out money etc when your baby arrives.
So take care of yourself and relax..
Bluee


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## mummy

yes i know what you mean ,but i affraid that when child will due will be too late ...because my origin is Lithuanian, i live in Ireland for 4 years nearly..and i afraid that social will say where you was ealer,why not said ealer ??maybe you live together with that man and took One Parent Family payments too?????


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## gillarosa

It is true that they investigate some claims, they may visit your home to ascertain that you are not co-habiting but if you are not there is not issue or problem with you. 

Please stop stressing about that issue, you need to look after your health at this time and stress can be a major problem when pregnant. As Welfareite states you make the claim after the birth of your baby and don't worry you may be in a position you never planned or expected to be in but all will work out well. Are there Lituanian community or expat groups where you can get support in regard to having someone to talk to?


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## Welfarite

I agree. Now is not the time to be worrying about what will happen after baby is born. From a Social welfare point of view, as Gillarossa says, the claim will be investigated but you have a legitimate entitlement to claim so you will be paid for the second child on Oner Parant Family as you are not living with anybody, father one or father two.


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## Silvergirl

Hi, I presume you've been to your doctor already, but they should be of support also. Not sure if your other baby is Irish too, but you'll probably be aware that all the services and care you need are free and you'll be fine. Don't panic, your baby is a blessing and will bring such joy, after you calm down from the shock!

All will be fine. You are among many in a similar situation.


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## mummy

Thankyou all for support,im appreciate that... hopfully everything will be Ok,i try to go to talk with someone from cura or diff agency


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## mummy

SilverGirl,my son is from Lithuanian father ,but he was born in Dublin


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## cleverclogs7

mummy.hair loss is normal in pregnancy,but stress will make it worse.
tryu not to worry.social will help you with cost of buggy /pram and baby bed.you still have a few months to go before the big day.but start making a list of questions for your social welfare.theres no harm in going to see them if it puts your mind at rest.


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## Brianne

I found this link and thought it might be helpful.
[broken link removed]
http://www.alb.ie/index.php?subj=showchp&id
The last seems to have different groups in different communities if you need to talk to a fellow migrant. I think it would be worthwhile contacting your local community welfare officer, most of whom are very helpful and will guide you on what to do re you SW entitlements.
See you GP, combined care between your GP and the maternity hospital is free and in your position, you will be given extra help. You are not on your own and if you calm down and contact the various agencies already mentioned , you will know better how to proceed. In the meantime, look after yourself.


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## z104

For the future It may be a good idea to speak with your Doctor about family planning.


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## Green

mummy said:


> thankyou for advices and help,but i feels really bad i lost half hair in 4 weeks from such a stress...Welfarite, i dont believe that cannt find him,because i thinking he could have a gf in U.S.A too,because he not wanted even to meet me again((


 
If he is Irish, then perhaps you can trace where he is from him in Ireland, and find out where he is in the US. Then using the Hague Convention you could get some maintenance from him. Obvioulsy you would, I assume, have to prove paternity too. Info  on the section that deals with that in the Dept. of Justice is below..

[broken link removed]


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## mummy

if i was 18 years old would be normal ,that i know nothing about contraception, but for me will be soon 27.... sometimes life decides things for us i guessi cannt stop blame myself for that ,but need to live ...im very sensitive and affraid if i go to social may they not understand me ,ignor etcthats why i not waiting that day


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## Brianne

Mummy, the important thing is to look after yourself and get the help you need to make the right decisions. You have no need to fear the people in SW but if you look up the agencies as recommended, I have no doubt that there will be people available to help you with these problems. Blaming yourself is no good, action is what is needed. You need support, you are not ill, this baby if it happens may be the best thing that ever happened to you. How many of us on this boards were planned or even wanted, but most people get on with things and do their best. So Mummy ,contact the agencies, go to the doctor, keep your head high , and if possible find someone to talk to. Are you a member of a church? Would it be possible to contact some fellow national in whom you could confide, you have lots of possible actions you can take, but pregnancy waits for no one so don't delay. It's very difficult for you at the moment but like all problems, thinking about them without trying to resolve them makes them seem huge.


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## Brianne

Mummy,
Please be assured of one thing, nobody in either the health services or social welfare will make smart comments about your need to access contraception. That fact is of course known to you and you do not need to have it said on this forum, your doctors and midwifes will help you there.You will be treated with dignity.Any wise person knows that even with best practise, contraception can fail. 
So Mummy, forget about blame or smart comments, calm down, you are healthy, you can get help and you will get through this. Best of luck


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## Green

Brianne said:


> Mummy,
> Please be assured of one thing, nobody in either the health services or social welfare will make smart comments about your need to access contraception. That fact is of course known to you and you do not need to have it said on this forum, your doctors and midwifes will help you there.You will be treated with dignity.Any wise person knows that even with best practise, contraception can fail.
> So Mummy, forget about blame or smart comments, calm down, you are healthy, you can get help and you will get through this. Best of luck


 
Well said!


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## Idunno

Here's a judgement. Keep your knickers on girl.


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## PaddyBloggit

Idunno said:


> Here's a judgement. Keep your knickers on girl.



That's a great help.


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## mummy

Idunno said:


> Here's a judgement. Keep your knickers on girl.


 i guess you are man and for you dont need nothing to worry....


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## truthseeker

Idunno said:


> Here's a judgement. Keep your knickers on girl.



hmmmmm, nice to see a completely useless hurtful comment made to another human being who has reached out for some advice and help.
Clearly you have failed to realise that it actually takes two people to create a pregnancy? Perhaps you should educate yourself on how pregnancy comes about, how contraception is not 100% guaranteed, and most of all, how a bit of empathy would not go amiss when someone is upset and stressed out.
Suggesting to any woman that she 'keep her knickers on' is patronising, rude, insensitive and shows nothing more than an intelligence level that is sub-standard, and a complete lack of touch with reality. People have sex. Get over it.

Mummy, please do not let ignorant and incredibly rude posts like that one put you off posting here. I think perhaps you need to contact some organisation or group who will offer you some emotional support, its very very important that you look after yourself right now.
Dont be afraid of meeting judgemental and insensitive people in social walfare, they are all used to dealing with many different situations and will treat you with respect.


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## PaddyBloggit

truthseeker said:


> hmmmmm, nice to see a completely useless hurtful comment made to another human being who has reached out for some advice and help.
> Clearly you have failed to realise that it actually takes two people to create a pregnancy? Perhaps you should educate yourself on how pregnancy comes about, how contraception is not 100% guaranteed, and most of all, how a bit of empathy would not go amiss when someone is upset and stressed out.
> Suggesting to any woman that she 'keep her knickers on' is patronising, rude, insensitive and shows nothing more than an intelligence level that is sub-standard, and a complete lack of touch with reality. People have sex. Get over it.
> 
> Mummy, please do not let ignorant and incredibly rude posts like that one put you off posting here. I think perhaps you need to contact some organisation or group who will offer you some emotional support, its very very important that you look after yourself right now.
> Dont be afraid of meeting judgemental and insensitive people in social walfare, they are all used to dealing with many different situations and will treat you with respect.



Agreed ..... 

Mummy ..... feel free to share/ask etc.  .... most people here are genuinely willing to help. 

The insensitive post by Idunno is a reflection on him ... not on you.


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## cleverclogs7

Niallers said:


> For the future It may be a good idea to speak with your Doctor about family planning.


 
Niallers.kick her while shes down why dont you 
I for one was on the pill for 2 yrs and i got preggo with my 1st.never missed one and always took it on time.so after that i went on the injection,every 3 months without fail and guess what,i got pregnant.

sometimes mother nature takes over.


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## LouthLass

Idunno said:


> Here's a judgement. Keep your knickers on girl.




Lovely comment, are you living in the 21st century I wonder??  How much of a narrow minded tool are you really?  It must be bliss to live in such a Utopia fuelled world as yours - you need to live in the real world now and again.

Mummy - please ignore this comment posted, not everyone is like this.  I would like to think that the majority of people (as indeed is proved by the majority of the posters here!!) would sympathise and would love to help point you in the right direction!!  

Good luck with everything though, its scary now but I bet in a couple of years time when you have your new baby, you would not imagine life without him/her and you will be very happy!!

Kind regards

LL


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## z104

cleverclogs7 said:


> Niallers.kick her while shes down why dont you
> I for one was on the pill for 2 yrs and i got preggo with my 1st.never missed one and always took it on time.so after that i went on the injection,every 3 months without fail and guess what,i got pregnant.
> 
> sometimes mother nature takes over.


 

Suggesting that she speaks with her GP regarding future family planning is responsible advice. It would be irrisponsible for her not to sort out family planning for her future. There is more than one way to prevent pregnancy and condoms would also be advised when having casual sex.. 

It's not about kicking somebody when they are down so I think you should take your accusation back.


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## sandrat

I think you'll find that at the 6 weeks post partum check up contraception is always discussed as is the importance of women of taking folic acid. To the OP you seem to have a good grasp of english so it might not help you but might help another, check out community interpretors in your area who might be available to help with any language barriers when dealing with the social welfare/ crisis pregnancy agency.


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## cleverclogs7

Niallers said:


> Suggesting that she speaks with her GP regarding future family planning is responsible advice. It would be irrisponsible for her not to sort out family planning for her future. There is more than one way to prevent pregnancy and condoms would also be advised when having casual sex..
> 
> It's not about kicking somebody when they are down so I think you should take your accusation back.


 

yes if she was 16.duh...we are talking about a 27 yr old.ppl make mistakes,slip up.why is it the female that always has to check for condoms.we dont wear them.you dont hear men saying...did you take your pill.men dont give a crap.


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## Rigoletto

Niallers said:


> Suggesting that she speaks with her GP regarding future family planning is responsible advice. It would be irrisponsible for her not to sort out family planning for her future. There is more than one way to prevent pregnancy and condoms would also be advised when having casual sex..
> 
> It's not about kicking somebody when they are down so I think you should take your accusation back.


 
i agree with niallers. he doesnt seem to be attacking the woman nor should anyone, hes saying what some of us are thinking. 
this has happened, it obviously wasnt planned and it certainly wasnt thought out (she doesnt know his name) so its perfectly fair to remind her about contraception if only for the prevention of disease!!
lets not get too pc here people, the girl doesnt deserve to be pilloried but she does deserve advice and sometimes advice means saying hard things.


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## Celtwytch

Rigoletto said:


> the girl doesnt deserve to be pilloried but she does deserve advice and sometimes advice means saying hard things.


 
I agree that advice sometimes means saying hard things, but in this case, it isn't even helpful advice. The OP is asking for help in her current situation - as in, she is already pregnant. Information about contraception is hardly going to help at this stage, is it? It might be useful to someone who is wondering whether or not to have sex, but is not particularly helpful in this instance.


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## Brianne

Celtwytch said:


> I agree that advice sometimes means saying hard things, but in this case, it isn't even helpful advice. The OP is asking for help in her current situation - as in, she is already pregnant. Information about contraception is hardly going to help at this stage, is it? It might be useful to someone who is wondering whether or not to have sex, but is not particularly helpful in this instance.



Couldn't agree more, there is a right time for everything and this advise is potentially hurtful at the moment when the women is trying to deal with the implications of a crisis pregnancy( a woman who is not a native, hasn't great english, and away from her home)

So please , stop with the contraception, you mean well but you are not helping. Mummy are you still there? Have you talked to anyone in an agency? Have to gone to your community welfare officer?Have you attended you GP who will refer you to a maternity hospital. You will get extra support from the hospital social services. If it is too difficult to talk as yet because your mind is in turmoil., why not ring the samaritans? You can ring about anything , just to talk and maybe talking to someone who does nothing but listen will help you decide what to do.From anywhere in Ireland you can ring for the price of a local call. Don't be alone, there is no need.Best of luck
http://www.dublinsamaritans.ie/


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## z104

Celtwytch said:


> I agree that advice sometimes means saying hard things, but in this case, it isn't even helpful advice. The OP is asking for help in her current situation - as in, she is already pregnant. Information about contraception is hardly going to help at this stage, is it? It might be useful to someone who is wondering whether or not to have sex, but is not particularly helpful in this instance.


 

Might not be helpful now but may help prevent a third, forth, fifth or sixth preganacy.


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## truthseeker

Niallers said:


> Might not be helpful now but may help prevent a third, forth, fifth or sixth preganacy.


 
But the OP posted asking for advice on her current situation, posts suggesting she speak to a GP about family planning are off topic and condescending IMO.


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## Celtwytch

truthseeker said:


> But the OP posted asking for advice on her current situation, posts suggesting she speak to a GP about family planning are off topic and condescending IMO.


 
Well said, Truthseeker - my point exactly.


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## Welfarite

truthseeker said:


> But the OP posted asking for advice on her current situation, posts suggesting she speak to a GP about family planning are off topic and condescending IMO.


 Totally agree. Threads like this too often stray into issues beyond what the OP wants advice on. IMHO, this puts off others who read offtopic, moralistic replies from asking questions. I suppose that's the nature of websites such as this....


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## Rigoletto

Niallers said:


> Might not be helpful now but may help prevent a third, forth, fifth or sixth preganacy.


 

I totally agree.


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## truthseeker

Rigoletto said:


> I totally agree.


 
It still does not make posts regarding family planning relevant to this thread.

If people have moralistic views then thats fine, go open a thread on LOS and post away about how information on family planning might or might not be useful to prevent pregnancies. But on THIS thread the posts came across as condescending, irrelevant and judgemental.


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## Brianne

truthseeker said:


> It still does not make posts regarding family planning relevant to this thread.
> 
> If people have moralistic views then thats fine, go open a thread on LOS and post away about how information on family planning might or might not be useful to prevent pregnancies. But on THIS thread the posts came across as condescending, irrelevant and judgemental.



Couldn't agree more and I will also say that posts like this can be potentially harmful. Someone writes in distraught and feeling hopeless, they  haven't committed a crime , they've made a serious mistake. Now if we as forum members cannot be helpful , kind and supportive , think before we type and also try to empathise with the person's problems, then we should at least stay quiet. That way , we will do no harm. And yes , you can do harm to people from careless comments when they are in distress.


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## noddy

Top post. Well said.


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## nesbitt

Mummy, you should see SW before your baby is born....  Ask for some assistance with hospital costs for the birth.  There is a once off payment available for this purpose.  Please visit your local health centre (where you go for your first child's healthcare check ups) please discuss who can help you look after your first child while you are confined to hospital giving birth to the second child. Please do contact Cura or indeed other unplanned pregnancy advice service and discuss all your options available to you.  Take care.


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## mummy

hi,everyone,sorry that i not replayed  i just got back home from Lithuania was few weeks on Christmas holidays.
thankyou for replays to all..
today i got a letter from social welfare that next week i have to visit OPF inspector they wants to review my One Parent Family payments..now i have no choise -just to say about my situation,i feels not too good,because i herd that they trying to reduce single mums because of that economy crisis..( may anyone herd about that too?thanks ,mummy.


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## Welfarite

There has been talk about changing ther conditions for receipt of OFP but nothing has been decided yet. What they are exploring is the possibility that lone parents will have to be looking for employment/training when their child reaches a certain age (6 years and 12 years have been mentioned).


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