# Are there couples who decided not to have kids?



## cnu (12 Feb 2008)

Are you getting pressure from around to have one?


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## Caveat (12 Feb 2008)

Not getting pressure, but the attitude of some people is unspeakably rude and really makes my blood boil.

The fact that people think it's reasonable to just ask: "Are you not going to have any kids then? why not?"  etc. is jawdropping.

...especially when the sad truth is that a lot of these people have no real reason for *having *kids themselves.


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## ClubMan (12 Feb 2008)

We had one recently and arguably somewhat "late" but never experienced any pressure or unwelcome comments.


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## Betsy Og (12 Feb 2008)

Re the question - I sure there are loads. DINK's, double income no kids.

Re people asking, I dont think they have any malicious intent but I can see how its rude and I check myself from slagging my newly wed mates about "anything stirring" - as Dinny used to say in Glenroe.

Its exciting news for those who are pregnant & theres nothing like a bit of good news so I think thats what encourages people to enquire, not that they want to make a nuisance of themselves.


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## Seagull (12 Feb 2008)

There are some couples out there who would love nothing more than to have children of their own, but can't. Generally, they're not going to broadcast the fact that they have fertility issues. How do you think they feel when some bright spark starts asking when they can expect to hear little feet?

My verdict - unless you know the whole story, don't ask the question.


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## RMCF (12 Feb 2008)

You do get asked it an awful lot when you are recently married, but many take the decision (for whatever reason) not to have any or delay having children.

I was really shocked when speaking to the priest before we got married that the Church can refuse to marry you if intend NOT to have children. We sort of asked innocently in a conversation "... and what if we don't children", and his face sank! He said that if you are able to have children then you can't really make the decision NOT to have them.

I suppose the Church has to keep the flow of Catholics flowing and can't condone people not adding to the flock.


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## MrMan (12 Feb 2008)

> I was really shocked when speaking to the priest before we got married that the Church can refuse to marry you if intend NOT to have children



Never heard of that before.


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## ClubMan (12 Feb 2008)

RMCF said:


> You do get asked it an awful lot when you are recently married


I beg to differ. Certainly not my experience.


> I was really shocked when speaking to the priest before we got married that the Church can refuse to marry you if intend NOT to have children. We sort of asked innocently in a conversation "... and what if we don't children", and his face sank! He said that if you are able to have children then you can't really make the decision NOT to have them.
> 
> I suppose the Church has to keep the flow of Catholics flowing and can't condone people not adding to the flock.


I'm sure that he could have explained the theological "reasoning" behind this issue if you asked him.


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## Betsy Og (12 Feb 2008)

well since contraception is outlawed maybe he feared you werent going to consummate your marriage , to be sure to be sure like !!

Sure I suppose theres the "go forth and multiply" thing, the continuing existence of the human race & other such arguments, but I wouldnt feel under any obligation in this arguably overpopulated world of ours.

I'd say the bigger problem in this area is people leaving it too late due to careers & then encountering problems - this was covered in The Clinic a while back, you'd have to feel very sorry for the characters involved.

As a fairly recent first time Daddy I'm luvvin it and cant imagine things without babs, but thats not to impose my value judgements on anyone else


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## ninsaga (12 Feb 2008)

Seagull said:


> There are some couples out there who would love nothing more than to have children of their own, but can't. Generally, they're not going to broadcast the fact that they have fertility issues. How do you think they feel when some bright spark starts asking when they can expect to hear little feet?
> 
> My verdict - unless you know the whole story, don't ask the question.


This is very true..... these 'innocent' jibes can actually be highly insensitive to anyone who is tying & yet unable to conceive. It can be very hurtful.... I've seen it in many peoples eye's when its been put to them.


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## pc7 (12 Feb 2008)

I think its an Irish thing, if your single your asked "when are you going to meet someone", if your with someone "when are are you getting married" if your married "when are you having kids".  I think its that people have nothing else to say, but its the most offensive thing you can ask as above you don't know people's circumstances.


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## Caveat (12 Feb 2008)

I certainly agree that the question is most likely to cause hurt or offense in cases where couples would like to have children but cannot.

But I still think it's a rude, foolish and highly inappropriate question whether couples are physically able to concieve or not. It's a private matter. I see it as akin to being asked about your sex life or how much money you earn.

I wonder how people would react if asked "So, tell me, why is it exactly that you had kids?" 

I actually know quite a few couples who don't have kids and my guess (based on their ages) is that it probably won't happen. Some may be unable to conceive, some may have other reasons but I've never asked.


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## snuffle (12 Feb 2008)

Caveat said:


> I certainly agree that the question is most likely to cause hurt or offense in cases where couples would like to have children but cannot.
> 
> But I still think it's a rude,foolish and highly inappropriate question whether couples are physically able to concieve or not.  It's a private matter. I see it as akin to being asked about your sex life or how much money you earn.



Completely agreed. Some people just don't get the level of invasion of privacy they are engaging in. While it can be merely annoying for a couple who choose not to have children to have to fend off such questioning, for couples who want children but cannot conceive, it's a completely different league altogether, regarding the hurt and level of upset they experience.


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## angela59 (12 Feb 2008)

Hi,

My husband and I were married about 9 years before our first kid arrived and I can tell you during that time - it was terrible the slagging - one friend thought it hilarious to get a car company to send me a broucher on a people carrier!  I'd never slag anyone as I've been there myself - a girlfriend of mine and her husband have no children - I don't ask her about it as it is none of my business but I do know they are not really in to kids - again that is their own business.  I think this slagging thing is relative to Ireland.


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## Purple (12 Feb 2008)

ClubMan said:


> I beg to differ. Certainly not my experience.



They probably just knew what you are like and were afraid to


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## terrysgirl33 (12 Feb 2008)

We were married 7 years when we had our first child, and no-one ever asked that question (except for one cousin of hubbys).


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## Berlin (13 Feb 2008)

I was 41 before my first child was born, and was asked "the question" more than once. I found that if I bit my lip and looked as if I was about to cry it usually did the trick.


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## Purple (13 Feb 2008)

Berlin said:


> I was 41 before my first child was born, and was asked "the question" more than once. I found that if I bit my lip and looked as if I was about to cry it usually did the trick.



What did your wife do?


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## Berlin (13 Feb 2008)

She stopped asking after a while.


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## ci1 (13 Feb 2008)

ninsaga said:


> This is very true..... these 'innocent' jibes can actually be highly insensitive to anyone who is tying & yet unable to conceive. It can be very hurtful.... I've seen it in many peoples eye's when its been put to them.


 
Totally agree. 
its a totally personal thing between 2 people and god knows what obstacles they are coming up against trying to conceive etc.

Maybe people just don't think but I would never dream of asking anyone something to personal


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## cnu (13 Feb 2008)

To all those who do not ask, thank you!

Personally, I dont want to have kids for I need to be more responsible, more stable [financially/emotionally], my career,  and for many other reasons!  I'm happy the way I'm.

This question "When are you planning to have kids" by someone who is not that well known to me is like putting me on the spot.  I dont want to give them a long story, I still need to figure out why I need to have firstly  , this is not something I can answer while waiting for a bus or in a party/get-together.

At the same time I dont want to answer also, but I want to be polite by not answering. What do you advise is the best to do? - avoid them  or reason it out? or just say "that its a personal choice and lets leave it there" ....


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## rabbit (13 Feb 2008)

ci1 said:


> Totally agree.
> its a totally personal thing between 2 people and god knows what obstacles they are coming up against trying to conceive etc.


 
I agree. Something like one in 6 couples have fertility problems.    Its more common than you think.


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## Purple (13 Feb 2008)

As someone who went through IVF (or Mrs Purple did) and spent three years trying to have kids I still don’t understand why people take such offence at this question being asked. 
When people asked me I said we are trying.
If we didn’t want kids then that would have been my answer. 
What’s the big deal? It’s not as if offence is meant.


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## Caveat (13 Feb 2008)

Purple said:


> If we didn’t want kids then that would have been my answer.


 
I would be great if that was the end of it - but it often isn't - next question is often "why not?" or at the very least a totally incredulous look (even from people who didn't intend to have kids themselves and "fell" pregnant)


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## pinkyBear (13 Feb 2008)

hi there,
We are married this year 10 years - we are constantly being asked "When are we having kids" - from family - one SIL in particular.. 
We went to a dinner party one night and a woman who I had never ment in my life asked me 3 times "When are we having kids" - and "Why dont I have children" . It sometimes really upsets me as we (Mr Bear and I) enjoy a good life - have always been best of friends and have never really felt it was something we really want to have...
This year because my SIL's are relatively close to Mr bear they keep saying as I am getting older (mid 30's) that if we decide to have a family later in life the likely hood of us having a baby with various disorders is SOOOOOOOOOOO much higher - effectively scare mongering him - so I am left with "we should start thinking about it this year" when the reality is I dont want to!!!!!!


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## Purple (13 Feb 2008)

pinkyBear said:


> hi there,
> We are married this year 10 years - we are constantly being asked "When are we having kids" - from family - one SIL in particular..
> We went to a dinner party one night and a woman who I had never ment in my life asked me 3 times "When are we having kids" - and "Why dont I have children" . It sometimes really upsets me as we (Mr Bear and I) enjoy a good life - have always been best of friends and have never really felt it was something we really want to have...
> This year because my SIL's are relatively close to Mr bear they keep saying as I am getting older (mid 30's) that if we decide to have a family later in life the likely hood of us having a baby with various disorders is SOOOOOOOOOOO much higher - effectively scare mongering him - so I am left with "we should start thinking about it this year" when the reality is I dont want to!!!!!!


 So when do you think you will want to?


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## pinkyBear (13 Feb 2008)

> as we (Mr Bear and I) enjoy a good life


If I had my way never....


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## Purple (13 Feb 2008)

pinkyBear said:


> If I had my way never....



It was a joke, you didn't have to answer.


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## pinkyBear (13 Feb 2008)

> It was a joke, you didn't have to answer


 It was taken that way..I was going to put a smiley after wards .. but didn't bother


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## danaforever (13 Feb 2008)

I find the whole thing totally offensive. We have not been blessed with children and regularly people ask me why, what I am doing about it, will I adopt etc etc. I politely steer the questions to something else because it isnt something I want to get into. I don't know the right answers to these questions to the nosy people that ask them. I just wish they wouldn't pry.


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## deedee80 (14 Feb 2008)

I'm not even married yet (getting married next year) and I have been asked a few times when I plan to have kids.  One work colleague asked me out straight at lunch one day and I was morto, didn't know what to be saying!  I'm only in my mid twenties so in some ways i still feel like a child myself!

I have often wondered about some couples I know who have not yet had kids, but I would never dare ask...


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## michaelm (14 Feb 2008)

Caveat said:


> . . the attitude of some people is unspeakably rude and really makes my blood boil.


It's just an Irish thing, hardly a big deal.





pinkyBear said:


> . . they keep saying as I am getting older (mid 30's) that if we decide to have a family later in life the likely hood of us having a baby with various disorders is SOOOOOOOOOOO much higher - effectively scare mongering him


Well it's true.





pinkyBear said:


> . . the reality is I dont want to!!!!!!


Well then you shouldn't.


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## ivuernis (14 Feb 2008)

I just checked and our finite planet isn't going to run out of people anytime soon - latest estimate 6,649,117,969 and counting.


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## z104 (17 Feb 2008)

You'll find alot of people ask these types of questions.
When you are going out with somebody the question will be - When are you moving in together. When you move in the question will be- When are you getting engaged- When you get engaged the question will be - When are you getting married or have you set a date and when you get married the question will be - when are you going to have kids- when you have a kid the question is - Are you going to make a little brother or sister for them to play with.

I wouldn't read too much into it.


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## casiopea (17 Feb 2008)

michaelm said:


> It's just an Irish thing, hardly a big deal.



Its not just an Irish thing, I have come across it a lot from americans, italians, swiss and english as well.  

What I find is its mostly men that seem to ask, maybe thats just my experience and a coincidence. I think though most women are quite sensitive to the fact that they themselves wouldn't like to be asked the same question.


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## Joe1234 (17 Feb 2008)

cnu said:


> What do you advise is the best to do? - avoid them  or reason it out? or just say "that its a personal choice and lets leave it there" ....



Just say something like, "if there is any news in that department, you will be informed in due course".  Thats what I said to a work colleague a few years ago when i was asked, and it was never mentioned again!


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## Pique318 (18 Feb 2008)

deedee80 said:


> I have often wondered about some couples I know who have not yet had kids


 
Why, how does it affect your life ?

That's my answer if I'm slightly grumpy and someone asks me !


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## ice (22 Feb 2008)

I wasn't married when I was pregnant with my first daughter and you would not believe that number of people I hardly knew who asked me...

'was it an accident?'


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## Purple (22 Feb 2008)

ice said:


> I wasn't married when I was pregnant with my first daughter



Was it am accident?


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## redstar (22 Feb 2008)

Heres one girl that won't have to face the "When are we having kids" problem   

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7258072.stm


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## bond-007 (24 Feb 2008)

The local priest asked Mrs. Bond why we had no kids, he asked her "Do you not like sex?" The cheek of him.


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## eileen alana (24 Feb 2008)

and what would that priest know abut sex


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## Joe1234 (24 Feb 2008)

eileen alana said:


> and what would that priest know abut sex



Maybe quite a lot


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## demoivre (25 Feb 2008)

eileen alana said:


> and what would that priest know abut sex



Ask the [broken link removed]!


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## ice (25 Feb 2008)

Purple said:


> Was it am accident?


 

I knew someone would ask me that


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## Staples (25 Feb 2008)

bond-007 said:


> The local priest asked Mrs. Bond why we had no kids, he asked her "Do you not like sex?" The cheek of him.


 
He sounds creepy.  Sounds like a bad come-on.


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## roland (26 Feb 2008)

pinkyBear said:


> hi there,
> We are married this year 10 years - we are constantly being asked "When are we having kids" - from family - one SIL in particular..
> We went to a dinner party one night and a woman who I had never ment in my life asked me 3 times "When are we having kids" - and "Why dont I have children" . It sometimes really upsets me as we (Mr Bear and I) enjoy a good life - have always been best of friends and have never really felt it was something we really want to have...


 
I get it a lot.  I just say "we have no interest in having kids", or "the hours wouldn't suit me"


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## michaelm (26 Feb 2008)

roland said:


> I get it a lot.  I just say "we have no interest in having kids", or "the hours wouldn't suit me"


IMHO you're missing out.


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## Pique318 (26 Feb 2008)

And then you can have people saying "there's always adoption, you know"....


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## bond-007 (26 Feb 2008)

Pique318 said:


> And then you can have people saying "there's always adoption, you know"....


I really wish those people would go away and pleasure themselves.


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## Pique318 (26 Feb 2008)

bond-007 said:


> I really wish those people would go away and pleasure themselves.


 

Delicately put, 007 !


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## truthseeker (26 Feb 2008)

Pique318 said:


> And then you can have people saying "there's always adoption, you know"....


 
Next time someone says that ask them if they can sell you one of their children because the adoption agencies wont deal with you due to some murky half remembered drugs offence in your youth. Insinuate that the same drugs incident may have rendered you sterile so really buying one of their children is your only hope.


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## pinkyBear (26 Feb 2008)

> IMHO you're missing out.


personally I dont agree - life is what you make it...


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## roland (27 Feb 2008)

michaelm said:


> IMHO you're missing out.



You wouldn't say that if you knew my life. I don't know if I am missing out by not having kids but I do know I am enjoying the best years of my life without them. I suppose equally you will never know what your life could have been without the 'obvious' kids route. You weigh things up in life. I have heard many an old person wonder why they devoted their life to their kids but didn't see another option. I & my SO have taken the other option.


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## truthseeker (27 Feb 2008)

michaelm said:


> IMHO you're missing out.


 
Thats a subjective opinion, just because you like it doesnt mean that I will.


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## cnu (27 Feb 2008)

truthseeker said:


> Next time someone says that ask them if they can sell you one of their children because the adoption agencies wont deal with you due to some murky half remembered drugs offence in your youth. Insinuate that the same drugs incident may have rendered you sterile so really buying one of their children is your only hope.



wicked  ... nice one!


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## cnu (27 Feb 2008)

roland said:


> You wouldn't say that if you knew my life. I don't know if I am missing out by not having kids but I do know I am enjoying the best years of my life without them. I suppose equally you will never know what your life could have been without the 'obvious' kids route. You weigh things up in life. I have heard many an old person wonder why they devoted their life to their kids but didn't see another option. I & my SO have taken the other option.



Well said Roland, I couldn't agree more!


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## cnu (27 Feb 2008)

Honestly, I was bit scared to even ask in a forum, but people you gave me confidence!  Thank you all!  

How is that you are all so nice people???


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## truthseeker (27 Feb 2008)

cnu said:


> How is that you are all so nice people???


 
I can only answer for myself, Im so nice because I dont have any stress from raising children


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## ailbhe (1 Mar 2008)

I find it worse once you have one!
We had ours at 20 (yes, it was an accident) and have spent 5 years getting from student mother and minimum wage father to reasonably well earning, home owning mid 20s family. However, 5 years is way too much of a gap in some peoples opinions. I wouldn't have chosen a big age gap between kids prior to having our daughter but I'm not going to rush into having another simply to have a smaller age gap.
Once you have one they are fairly sure that there are no fertility problems so there's no consideration there!
As much as I hate trying to justify my family planning to people I detest when people say to our daughter "Mammy and Daddy will have to get you a brother or sister". Grrrrrrr.... She is 5 and (she thinks) she wants a sister/brother. It is cruel to put such a statement on the shoulders of a child and then me who has to explain why we are not getting a baby. 

Anyway, when people say to me "you'll have to give her a sibling" or something along those lines, I always say "Once is a mistake, twice would be just plain stupid"(always out of earshot of the little one  ) That shuts them up.
Don't get me wrong, I adore my daughter and we do plan on having another one (at least) in the next 5 years (all going well) but Mr. Ailbhe and I don't seem as bothered as other people (especially our parents  ) about when we expand our family.


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## Joe1234 (2 Mar 2008)

ailbhe said:


> I detest when people say to our daughter "Mammy and Daddy will have to get you a brother or sister". Grrrrrrr.... She is 5 and (she thinks) she wants a sister/brother. It is cruel to put such a statement on the shoulders of a child and then me who has to explain why we are not getting a baby.



Well said!  Couldn't agree more.  And we have 2 kids!


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## redstar (3 Mar 2008)

"Are there couples who decided not to have kids?"

Yes. And its no business of anyone else ?


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## Purple (4 Mar 2008)

redstar said:


> Yes. And its no business of anyone else ?


 Why the question mark?


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## Caveat (4 Mar 2008)

Purple said:


> Why the question mark?


 
Who knows?


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## redstar (4 Mar 2008)

Purple said:


> Why the question mark?



Just being rhetorical.


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## Seagull (4 Mar 2008)

If asked why you don't want children, you can always reply "I was worried they'd turn out like yours". That might shut them up.


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## Caveat (4 Mar 2008)

Seagull said:


> If asked why you don't want children, you can always reply "I was worried they'd turn out like yours". That might shut them up.


 
Good one


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## Purple (4 Mar 2008)

Seagull said:


> If asked why you don't want children, you can always reply "I was worried they'd turn out like yours". That might shut them up.




How about, "I'd be afraid that they would not be able to mind their own business and ask inappropriate questions."


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## Caveat (4 Mar 2008)

Purple said:


> How about, "I'd be afraid that they would not be able to mind their own business and ask inappropriate questions."


 
Ha! even better 

I'll alternate these two responses in the future.


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## buzybee (7 Mar 2008)

I find if you say that you don't mind whether you have kids or not, the (noseyparker) questioner goes all 'suprised' and starts going on about leaving it too late etc.

I didn't meet my husband till I was 31, 35 now and no family (we are trying).  My neighbour, who is 34 and has been with her partner 10 yrs, has asked me twice.  She even told me that she knows women who have great careers etc, and 'left it too late', and now can't get pregnant at 36.

I already feel a bit bitter, that it took me so long to meet my husband, when other people got their partners so much younger.  

She is expecting her second now, and I know she will ask questions again.  I feel like saying that 'we can't all be greedy guts, with 2 kids. we can't all have everything.

I think if you tell people that is a very personal question & that you don't like talking about it, this might shut them up.

I wouldnt' mind so much if the people asking really cared about you.  Some of the people asking don't care if you have problems trying to concieve, they just want to get news out of you.  If you said to them that 'some people (meaning the questioner)dont really care about us, but just want to get news, so I'm not discussing it'.  This will give them the hint that they are too newsy.


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## Crea (9 Mar 2008)

I have 2 good female friends. One is on her third round of IVF and the other and her hubby have decided not to have kids. The thing that amazes me is that they are never allowed to give one line answers. The "We're trying" gets really intrusive questioning about what she's done and what she should do. The "No kids planned" gets lectures about regretting it eventhough she and her husband are intelligent people who have thought very carefully about their decision.
I have 2 and 3/4 children and both friends are really good about me being a baby bore (within reason) and I try not to get too jealous about their dinners out and numerous foreign holidays.


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## buzybee (10 Mar 2008)

The thing is that we don't even go on lots of foreign hols & dinners out. It is annoying having no kids and having little hols/dinners out.  I wouldnt mind staying in and no hols if I had kids. My husband doesn't really like going on hols, and I have to drag him off for a city break each year.  We only go out for dinner on birthdays.  My husband also doesnt like going to pubs cos of the drink driving, even though I don't really drink & I offer to drive. 

However, my so called friends with children, had the cheek to get jealous when I bought a span new 1.4 litre saloon car last year.  It was a treat to myself, as I dont go out socially & I spend very little on hols/dinners out.  They sounded really jealous and begrudging when they were admiring it.  It is like as if they want me to have no social life, no kids and no nice car.


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## annR (10 Mar 2008)

Maybe you've reached the point where you shouldn't bother thinking about what they think . . .it sounds like a waste of time and pretty annoying too.


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## michaelm (10 Mar 2008)

buzybee said:


> However, my so called friends with children, had the cheek to get jealous when I bought a span new 1.4 litre saloon car last year.  It was a treat to myself, as I dont go out socially & I spend very little on hols/dinners out.  They sounded really jealous and begrudging when they were admiring it.  It is like as if they want me to have no social life, no kids and no nice car.


Sounds paranoid to me.


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## liaconn (14 Mar 2008)

I've had a different but similar problem. Having suffered from a medical condition which meant my stomach became quite swollen, I just could not believe the number of people I hardly knew who asked me straight out if I was pregnant. Their obvious embarassment afterwards when I replied that I wasn't was just as mortifying. Please don't ever ask anyone this question, unless they're going into labour in front of you. It is sooooooo distressing and embarassing.


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## Teabag (14 Mar 2008)

michaelm said:


> Sounds paranoid to me.



I am inclined to agree.


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## Purple (15 Mar 2008)

Sounds like you need a new Husband Budybee, not kids.
BTW, why don't you have any?


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## buzybee (24 Mar 2008)

Sound like you need a new attitude.  Did anyone ever tell you about bullying??  Being immature?  BTW hope everything stays fine for you and that you get what you deserve


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## HelloJed (24 Mar 2008)

My boyfriend and I have been together for eight years. Not only do we not want children but we're not interested in getting married either. When either subject comes up (for example we visited Las Vegas recently and lots of people asked if we were getting married) most people hardly react - but some people are really taken aback and try to persuade me otherwise. 

Previously I've tried to explain my reasons but often my explanations have made them defensive, like I'm insulting their decisions in some way, even when I explain that we're not against having children and marriage per se, it's just not for us. I tend to laugh it off now or change the subject.


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## Flax (30 Mar 2008)

Caveat said:


> I would be great if that was the end of it - but it often isn't - next question is often "why not?"


 
I just answer "because there's already too many people in the world".

The look of confusion/anger on their face is worth it...


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## Purple (30 Mar 2008)

buzybee said:


> Sound like you need a new attitude.  Did anyone ever tell you about bullying??  Being immature?  BTW hope everything stays fine for you and that you get what you deserve


 Eh?
What on earth are you on about?


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## Blueberry08 (30 Mar 2008)

Purple said:


> Eh?
> What on earth are you on about?



Sounds to me like you might have hit a raw nerve


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## Kitten (1 Apr 2008)

I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum, I'm pregnant on my 4th baby in quick succession and I'm being asked "am I mad", "was it an accident", "did we plan ANOTHER" followed by "you must be trying for the girl" followed by "is this the last one" or "you'll hardly go for 5 will you".

It's endless.  My attitude is that we've never planned how many babies we'd have or when we'd have them.  We've been blessed so far and all going well this may or may not be our last.  Who knows, I'm still "young enough" to have more but "lifestyle questions" have to start rearing their head at this stage like "how the hell are we going to afford 4 let alone anymore!!!" and "when will we ever get a 2 week holiday alone together"!  That kind of went out the window after no 3!!  

But in my mind we're lucky, it is hard work but worth it.  My sister on the other hand is recently married and it wouldn't surprise me if they decided not to have kids, she finds my house an absolute headwreck much as she does "love" her nephews!!


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## annR (1 Apr 2008)

Have to laugh, my Mum is fuming because the wife of one of my uncles remarked to her "wasn't it well for me and my husband that we could wait till now (I'm 33) to have our first", while her own daughter has had 6 kids by the age of 30 which she seems to feel is some sort of badge of honour. Totally petty.  I mean, neither me nor my Mum would have dreamt of commenting (even to each other) about her daughter having her 6 kids.


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## redstar (1 Apr 2008)

> ...the wife of one of my uncles remarked to her "wasn't it well for me and my husband that we could wait till now (I'm 33) to have our first"


 You could reply .... "Thats right, it WAS well for us to wait till now. Wouldn't want to rush into things, now would we ?"


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## Blueberry08 (1 Apr 2008)

annR said:


> the wife of one of my uncles remarked to her "wasn't it well for me and my husband that we could wait till now (I'm 33) to have our first"



I'm guessing contraception is an alien concept to the uncle's wife, maybe she thinks it's all in the lap of the Gods.  Bless.


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## Flax (1 Apr 2008)

Kitten said:


> We've been blessed so far and all going well this may or may not be our last. Who knows


 
I'm not trying to be funny here, this is a serious question, but do you ever think about how there are too many people in the world and how this is destroying our environment?


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## Complainer (1 Apr 2008)

annR said:


> one of my uncles remarked to her "wasn't it well for me and my husband that we could wait till now (I'm 33) to have our first", while her own daughter has had 6 kids by the age of 30 which she seems to feel is some sort of badge of honour. [....] neither me nor my Mum would have dreamt of commenting (even to each other) about her daughter having her 6 kids.


You just did (comment, that is).


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## michaelm (2 Apr 2008)

Flax said:


> I'm not trying to be funny here, this is a serious question, but do you ever think about how there are too many people in the world and how this is destroying our environment?


Bunkum.


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## HelloJed (2 Apr 2008)

So if you're asked why you don't have any kids you can say you're just doing your bit for the environment, and if you're asked why you have so many you can say you're just bolstering the working age population!


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## annR (2 Apr 2008)

Complainer said:


> You just did (comment, that is).


 
I didn't comment on her daughter having 6 kids, more the mother using it to comment on me not having them.


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## annR (2 Apr 2008)

Flax said:


> I'm not trying to be funny here, this is a serious question, but do you ever think about how there are too many people in the world and how this is destroying our environment?


 
If you really care about this you should go off to the developing world and work in education and family planning.


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## Flax (2 Apr 2008)

annR said:


> If you really care about this you should go off to the developing world and work in education and family planning.


 
There's a middle ground...


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## Complainer (3 Apr 2008)

annR said:


> I didn't comment on her daughter having 6 kids, more the mother using it to comment on me not having them.


So the 'which she seems to think is a badge of honour' jibe is not considered to be comment?


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## z106 (3 Apr 2008)

Flax said:


> I'm not trying to be funny here, this is a serious question, but do you ever think about how there are too many people in the world and how this is destroying our environment?


 
Utter rubbish.


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## moneyhoney (4 Apr 2008)

qwertyuiop said:


> Utter rubbish.



Not quite. The effects of over-population on developing countries are well-documented.

http://www.independent.co.uk/environment/overpopulation-is-main-threat-to-planet-521925.html


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## Purple (4 Apr 2008)

moneyhoney said:


> Not quite. The effects of over-population on developing countries are well-documented.
> 
> http://www.independent.co.uk/environment/overpopulation-is-main-threat-to-planet-521925.html


We're not a developing country.


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## rmelly (4 Apr 2008)

Looks like mass sterilization may be the only way to go to save the planet, and indeed the human race.


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## Pique318 (4 Apr 2008)

Maybe targeted sterilisation...There's definitely people that I would prefer not to reproduce....one of then is far too many !


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## Pique318 (4 Apr 2008)

One thing always bothers me though, young girls who have no idea how a kid should be raised (possibly of their own crappy upbringing) having a few (possibly by different absentee fathers) kids in a few years and getting state support/benefits/housing and rearing a brood of utter scumbags.

This is not a generalised statement, I have seen it first hand on numerous occasions, and so have you probably, even if you didn't know it.

The worst thing is that while they do this, there are couples out there who can't have kids and desperately want one, to be reared in a secure caring environment.

Life sucks sometimes...


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## rmelly (4 Apr 2008)

Pique318 said:


> One thing always bothers me though, young girls who have no idea how a kid should be raised (possibly of their own crappy upbringing) having a few (possibly by different absentee fathers) kids in a few years and getting state support/benefits/housing and rearing a brood of utter scumbags.


 
Speaking of whick I see Byanka is back in Eastenders with 4 or 5 kids in tow all by different absentee fathers...


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## Pique318 (4 Apr 2008)

rmelly said:


> Pique318 said:
> 
> 
> > One thing always bothers me though, young girls who have no idea how a kid should be raised (possibly of their own crappy upbringing) having a few (possibly by different absentee fathers) kids in a few years and getting state support/benefits/housing and rearing a brood of utter scumbags.
> ...


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## moneyhoney (4 Apr 2008)

Purple said:


> We're not a developing country.



Em - I never said we were a developing country. I was just pointing out that Flax's comment 'but do you ever think about how there are too many people in the world and how this is destroying our environment?' had some merit. "The environment" does not mean "Ireland".


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## Purple (4 Apr 2008)

moneyhoney said:


> Em - I never said we were a developing country. I was just pointing out that Flax's comment 'but do you ever think about how there are too many people in the world and how this is destroying our environment?' had some merit. "The environment" does not mean "Ireland".


As with most things in life context is everything. Ireland is not overpopulated. We are talking about people having children in Ireland. If the OP lived in parts of India or China then the point about over-population would be pertinent. They don't so it's not. Europe, and the EU in particular, has a major problem with aging and declining population. We should be having as many children as we can.


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## Pique318 (7 Apr 2008)

Purple said:


> We should be having as many children as we can.



Way to not put pressure on those who can't !


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## Blueberry08 (7 Apr 2008)

Purple said:


> We should be having as many children as we can.


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## ivuernis (7 Apr 2008)

Purple said:


> Europe, and the EU in particular, has a major problem with aging and declining population. We should be having as many children as we can.



A declining population should be seen as a good thing not a bad thing. Western Europe (Ireland apart) is one of the most densely populated areas in the world. Sustaining the current and projected world population in the long term is just not feasible.


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