# How to deal with inappropriate comments (Sexual Harassment and Bullying)?



## Klesser (7 Oct 2008)

I am having a bit of a problem with one of my co workers at the moment.

He is constantly making nasty comments to me - mostly jibes at my being a lone parent and complaining about my work (which everyone else is very happy with).  While I generally just ignore him I feel this latest incident which happened this morning is too far.

I was standing up looking over a report and he came over very close beside and put his hand on shoulder. I have a personal space issue anyway so this really freaked me out and I told him not to touch me please rather calmly considering the shock I got to which he replied: "I bet you wouldnt mind a young lad touching you up".  I said excuse me and he said well you must have liked someone touching you sure you have a child!  I am disgusted by this.  A another coworker was within ear shot and looked appalled also.  I have been keeping a note of previos comments with times and date on them and I am going to request a meeting with the MD and h&s officer for tommorrow.

I should mention that this first started last year when he got my personal number from my file then called me to ask me out which I declined and then tried to kiss me at a work leaving do which I had to literly push him away from me.  Im 24, he is 37.

Im just wondering on the best way to handle this meeting and what should I expect from the MD? 

I would consider this sexual harresment or bullying at the least.


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## FutureProof (7 Oct 2008)

*Re: How to deal with inappropriate comments?*

Let him know that you are clearly being harassed and that it is unacceptable. Be sure that he knows you are serious that action is taken, as he will not want a sexual harassment suit on his hands


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## ClubMan (7 Oct 2008)

*Re: How to deal with inappropriate comments?*



Klesser said:


> he came over very close beside and put his hand on shoulder.


I presume you mean on *YOUR *shoulder?


> I have a personal space issue anyway


What do you mean by this?


> to which he replied, I bet you wouldnt mind a young lad touching you up.  I said excuse me and he said well you must have liked someone touching you sure you have a child!  I am disgusted by this.


Outrageous comments and behaviour from what you have posted. You are right to have logged such incidents and to report them. 


> and then tried to kiss me at a work leaving do which I had to literly push him away from me.


Was this do organized by the company? If so then it would be considered part of the workplace for employment law purposes as far as I know. If it was just something arranged by co-workers then that would not apply.


> I would consider this sexual harresment or bullying at the least.


Me too from what you have posted.


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## DavyJones (7 Oct 2008)

*Re: How to deal with inappropriate comments?*

What a creep. Don't know much about sexual harassments, but I do know once bullies are confronted they are most likely to wee their pants like little boys. Good luck with it.


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## ney001 (7 Oct 2008)

*Re: How to deal with inappropriate comments?*

Hard to believe that kind of stuff still goes on! - have you mentioned any of this to him at all? It's definitely sexual harassment, but perhaps ask your colleague if they would be willing to be a witness if required as he might try to turn this around on you and make out that it was a mutual flirtation etc - I have seen this happen before.


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## Teknon (7 Oct 2008)

*Re: How to deal with inappropriate comments?*

I wouldn't say anything to this guy and go directly to HR as you don't want to give him a heads up.  You did the right thing in keeping record of all incidents.  This sort of behaviour should not be tolerated in any form and it sounds like you've been subject to a high level of harrassment.  Your HR department should deal with this issue and I would imagine there would be some sort of discipline handed out to this individual.

Hope it all goes well for you


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## Scotsgirl (7 Oct 2008)

*Re: How to deal with inappropriate comments?*

I would also mention to HR about him accessing your personal file and getting your phone number.  This could be a fairly serious issue.  Would he normally have access to employees personal files?


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## Dreamerb (7 Oct 2008)

*Re: How to deal with inappropriate comments?*

Just one suggestion - in describing the situation here you said "I have a personal space issue anyway". I'd advise not saying anything like that to the MD, but simply setting out exactly what happened. If you qualify it with anything else, it might result in the MD believing you could overreact because of "personal space issues", or make a defence that "oh, I was just being friendly and she overreacted" more difficult to counter. 

This is about how he treated you - which sounds horrendous, by the way - so don't leave him any wriggle room. 

As Scotsgirl said, be sure to raise the incident where he accessed your personnel file to get your personal information - that's an abuse of work records, and there are data protection and privacy issues as well as the apparent sexual harrassment. 

Good luck tomorrow, and I hope your employer deals with this well and speedily.


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## Purple (7 Oct 2008)

*Re: How to deal with inappropriate comments?*

Can you prove that he got your number from your file?

It sounds outrageous.


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## Rois (7 Oct 2008)

*Re: How to deal with inappropriate comments?*

In my mind this is sexual harassment with elements of bullying thrown in (where he demeans the quality of your work) and invasion of your privacy. The sad thing is, he probably doesn't even realise it and the effect it's having on you.  He's liable to deny any wrong-doing on his part, so in many ways it will be your word against his - so try to get your colleague(s) to back-up your complaints.  It may be that, fearful for their own jobs, they are reluctant to do so, but no harm in asking.  

You also did the right thing in keeping notes of previous incidents.  Any decent employer should take this matter seriously and follow with appropriate actions.  Good luck tomorrow - nobody goes to work to put up with this sort of behaviour.  Let us know how you get on.


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## WaterSprite (7 Oct 2008)

*Re: How to deal with inappropriate comments?*

As well as mentioning it to HR, you should also mention it to your colleague - the offender.  Although it certainly sounds like sexual harassment to me and all other posters here, one of the factors to legally determine if behaviour is sexual harassment is whether the offender knew that the conduct was unwelcome.  It's hard, I know, to face up to someone directly but I think it's in your best interests to either take him aside for a quite word (have a prepared speech and bring up examples and tell him that you consider his actions inappropriate and unwelcome) or else email him saying the same thing.  Keep it simple and try not to get angry, even though it will be tempting as this guy sounds like he'd be difficult to deal with and will be unlikely to accept what you are saying.  But just say it anyway in a calm and firm manner.  If you do talk to him, rather than emailing him (and I'd recommend talking to him if you can bring yourself to do it), then keep a note of the conversation for your file.

Also go to HR - good luck with it all.

Sprite


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## Latrade (8 Oct 2008)

You company is required to have a bullying and harassment policy which you should be able to view and this will explain the process. Even so they will need to follow the principles of the Health and Safety Authority's Code of Practice on the subject.

As others have said, if you feel it has been inappropriate, based on what you have described I don't think it's unreasonable to feel that, and it is repeated then you need to report it to your employer. It is for them to instigate an investigation.

At this stage though you will need to start recording the behaviour, in a diary should be ok and also identifying witnesses who can support your claim. 

It'd be great if it was always as easy as just telling the person to do one, unfortunately if it is affecting you so much, it will be best to do things "by the book" as they say and raise it formally with your employer.


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## truthseeker (8 Oct 2008)

Disgraceful behaviour, definitely report this and make sure the creep in question is taken to task for his behaviour.

As a young girl I worked in a supermarket and there was an incident where I was trying to attract the attention of a new guy behind the butchers counter to give him his name badge. An older butcher (known for his rude comments) walked over and said to me 'Why dont you just come back here and "_insert swear word for sexual act here_" him? Its obvious youre gagging for it'. I was absolutely appallled, I was 18 years old, the butcher was in his 50s. I stood my ground and said to the offender 'Dont even bother to apologise for that comment, Ill be reporting you immediately'. His response was 'yeah right, who do think will be believed, a little nothing like you or someone who has been here years like me?',  - at which point I stormed off and reported him to my supervisor, who took it extremely seriously, went off and got his supervisor, a confab ensued, he got a major telling off from both supervisors, and I believe the incident ended inhim being given a written warning. He kept pretty quiet after that incident. I was absolutely delighted Id reported him, and ignored his petty attempts to prevent me from doing so.
He also had to apologise to me - I must admit I was gleeful.

I never had any hassle from him again.

So OP, do not stand for it, the bullies do crumble when confronted. The comment he made was absolutely disgraceful, I am delighted you had a witness to it.

I agree with the poster who said not to mention the personal space issue. Its irrelevant, the man in question has no right to touch you regardless of whether or not you mind your personal space being invaded. It is totally inappropriate behaviour.
Your employer will absolutely have to act on your behalf in a case like this, they cannot risk an all out sexual harrassment case and be seen to do nothing.

Good luck with it.


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## sparkeee (8 Oct 2008)

he is physically and verbally assaulting you,have a word with the garda and let him know what they say.


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## Dreamerb (9 Oct 2008)

Any update on this? How did the meeting go?


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