# Can't pay Mortgage and bank refusing to help



## marieoneill (30 Sep 2012)

Hi all,
I'm hoping someone can help me, The mortgage is in my husbands name and we have 2 children (we weren't married when he took out the mortgage. Over the last year and a half we have been really struggling as have so many more but we haven't been able to pay our mortgage only a bit here and there and we filled out a financial statement of means saying what we can afford as neither of us is working. My husband is a builder and can't get any work so he is doing a Tus scheme at the moment, anyway the bank came back to us and refused what we were offering and said they can't see our finances changing either in the near future and basically just told us to get legal advice on this matter etc... We moved here 9yrs ago and it was the biggest mistake we ever made as we have no family or friends here and want to move back to our home town about 40miles away as we would have so much more help, our son is on the autism spectrum and I could really do with my friends and family around me. Anyway the question i want to ask is how do we go about moving back to our home town, we can't afford to let our house out as houses in this area are been let for less than half our mortgage monthly, if we leave we won't be able to get any social welfare or rent allowance and it could take quiet a while for our house to be repossessed. Based on the fact we can't afford our mortgage and are 16,000 euro behind in arrears is there any way we can move back to our home town and rent (put our name down for a council house and get rent allowance to rent while we are waiting). My health is suffering and my son is been bullied here. I'm at my wits end, I don't want to stay here and just feel sick. Does anyone have any idea who i could speak to or how i go about this as i haven't got a clue where to start. Thanks for reading (i know it is very long and drawn out).


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## Bronte (1 Oct 2012)

Hi Marie, 

Have you spoken to Mabs.  

Basically you cannot afford the mortgage and want in any case to return home. Ultimately this decision will be taken out of your hands by the bank, if you don't pay then they will have to repossess.  In your situation it looks like that is exactly what you want, so the faster it happens for you the better.  The bank will be faster if you make zero payments.  

Are you in the Marp process?  

In relation to social welfare, you need to be very clear on the rules on this before leaving one house to go and live in another.  

What is a Tus scheme.


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## marieoneill (1 Oct 2012)

Hi Bronte,
Thanks for replying,
A Tus scheme is a back to work relpacement scheme(social welfare). The letter we received is giving us the option to appeal under the MARP process.
We have been to Mabs several times but they can only help give us a bit of time and they help with budgeting etc.. We know exactly what our money goes on and we have scaled back on basically everything. We have 350euro a week in total and are a family of 4. Every time i ring social welfare in relation to this i just keep getting passed from pillar to post and nobody can actually help me. I just really need to make a start on this but don't know who or where to go to first. Unfortunately I can't see any other way than bank repossessing our home but need to know what would happen then. I know i want to move back to my home town but i'm also broken hearted over this because every parent wants the best for their kids and i really feel we have let them down.. I do however need help with my son, he is not happy here, it is costing around 100euro a week in petrol just to bring him to my parents or on day trips as he is bullied here in our estate and called names etc and it breaks my heart to watch him looking out the window at all of them playing so we have to take him places. He has daily rituals and plans ahead so he knows where he is going etc.. My kids always come first before every thing else and unfortunately bills etc not been paid is a result of this but we really don't have a choice. (medically it is something we must do as he has said he wants to die and talks about suicide a lot, he is on medication and is getting help). I never thought i would end up in a situation like this but just don't know where to go from here.


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## Brendan Burgess (1 Oct 2012)

One thing that may be of assistance - if you have a letter from your  bank saying that your mortgage is unsustainable then you are entitled to  go on the local authority housing list. They may house you nearer your  home place. There's no guarantee but it may be worth a try.


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## johnpdolan (1 Oct 2012)

I really feel for you Marie, i am in a similiar position and do not know what to do. I have tried all avenues and am at a loss. However one piece of advise i will give you is wirte to the bank in your own handwriting on a regualar basis, keep copies, tell them how hard life is for you and yours, do not hide anything, it will be worth it down the road
John


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## marieoneill (1 Oct 2012)

Thanks Brendan,
I will try that, was going to head there tomorrow to see if there was anyone i could talk to.


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## marieoneill (1 Oct 2012)

Thanks John, 
I will do that.


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## Bronte (1 Oct 2012)

marieoneill said:


> The letter we received is giving us the option to appeal under the MARP process.
> 
> 
> We have been to Mabs several times but they can only help give us a bit of time and they help with budgeting etc..


 
Hi Marie, 

It's quite clear from your distressing situation that you need to get back home. So you need to concentrate on two things. 

1. Get the bank to repossess asap.

2. Know *for sure* the social welfare rule on moving back home if you give up your home 

Some questions

How long are you in the Marp process. Have you received a letter from the bank, what exactly does it say, in particular about the appeal?

Mabs: have they told you what will happen if you let the bank take the property

Social Welfare: have you tried calling into a social welfare office to talk to someone on the rules, a big city with a large office is more likely to have someone who knows the rules and can show you the rules in writing.

I think it might be a good idea for you to post a new thread in the social welfare section, just asking if you give up your home will social welfare pay your rent. They most certainly have rules on it, what you need to know is the rule. Hopefully one of the social welfare guys will reply, Gipemann in particular is always on the ball on the ever changing rules.

I'm surprised that Mabs are not of more help.  Other than budgeting advice what have they done to help you in relation to the mortgage, in particular what advice did they give.  

In relation to your son, you haven't left him down, you're trying your very best to cope in a horrendous economic collapse.  And all you can do is your best.


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## Kkma (1 Oct 2012)

Hi Marie I'm very sorry you're in this terrible situation. I would second Cashier's opinion, get out as soon as you can. I am wondering if you yourself could move the children and move immediately while your husband sorts out the house being repossessed etc. and perhaps finishes up on whatever scheme he is on. If you moved in with your parents short term and got yourself and the children assessed as having a housing need in your home town? It's clear from your post that your son needs to be moved urgently. I would also document any examples of bullying/harassment he has been subjected to, and have all his medical records to hand, this information will be needed to build yourcase with the housing officer. 
I was also just thinking that 2 adults and 2 children should be getting €372.40 weekly?


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## marieoneill (1 Oct 2012)

Thanks everyone for all your posts, 
After reading all your very helpful and kind replies I have a lot of work to do!! 
I know i need to move out with kids asap but as brilliant as my parents are, it would not be fair on them because my son has so many meltdowns during the day and has OCD like symptoms too so everything has to be washed a certain way for him and we can't eat until after his food is cooked, He will only eat certain foods, We have to wash our hands before we touch him or anything belonging to him, we have to wipe chairs and tables with anti bacterial wipes and i have to go around the house at night to make sure there aren't any crumbs etc lying around as this will cause him to have a complete meltdown. While my parents do have a spare room My son wouldn't be able to cope there long term at all. I promise this is not an excuse but when he gets meltdowns he hurts himself and lashes out, my parents are not young and get very upset when they see this and they themselves have health problems and are kind of set in their ways. @KKma you are right about the amount we should be getting as a family and  my husband is not supposed to be taxed while doing this course but i rang tax office today and he is being taxed so they are putting my tax credits in with his ( not sure if i am explaining this correctly as i don't know much about tax etc) and they said in a week or two he should be getting around 20euro more because of this. I have taken on board everyones advice and i am so grateful to you all because i just didn't know where to start. We are also meeting a local TD saturday morning in my hometown. I know everyone is struggling in todays world, I suppose we have been too proud to ask for help all along as we didn't want to judged but we have to put this aside for now and just try and find a way out of this mess for our kids sake, thank you all again.


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## Kkma (1 Oct 2012)

I can see that moving in with your parents would be impossible - is there anywhere at all you could move into, just an address to have for yourself and the kids in order to get assessed as having a housing need in your hometown? Find out if being assessed takes long, and how long from being assessed to getting rent allowance. Maybe somebody would put you up in interim. The very best of luck with it all.


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## marieoneill (1 Oct 2012)

Thanks KKma,
I will try and sort something out but will have to find out if i am entitled to put my name on the housing list and if i can get rent allowance first while still having a mortgage??. Its just an impossible situation to be in, I never thought when we moved here that it would come to this, It's exhausting and they sure don't make it easy for people who are genuinely stuck and and can't see a way out. Thanks again


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## Kkma (2 Oct 2012)

cashier said:


> Kkma It is not that easy and Marie would have to be very careful here. If she leaves her current home before it's reprocessed she would be making herself intentionally homeless which could potentially hamper any attempts in getting rehoused by the Council.
> 
> Her situation is pretty dire and I feel she needs an awful lot of support from her doctor and social services.



Sorry Cashier, I didn't realise there was such a thing as making oneself intentionally homeless, I thought that the circumstances here might be akin to somebody having to leave their home due to violence within it - obviously here the bullying is outside the home but on the estate. I know of a family that moved after violent threatening behaviour from neighbours, they had been living rent free in a family member's house so they had nowhere to go - they were assessed as having housing need as it was accepted that they couldn't continue to live there. They didn't own or have mortgage on the house though. It seems here that a child is at risk in the short term while in the long term there will be a housing need anyway. Marie you will have to get as much help and support as you can from every available source, again the best of luck.


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## Bronte (2 Oct 2012)

marieoneill said:


> but i rang tax office today and he is being taxed so they are putting my tax credits in with his and they said in a week or two he should be getting around 20euro more because of this.


 

Can you just follow up this phone call with an email to them, you cannot always rely on the person in revenue to remember to fix you in the system, do it by email if nothing happens in two weeks.

In relation to the special food your son must eat, have you asked if you are entitled to an allowance for this from the Health Board (I presume you have a medical card).  Also try the local Community welfare officer if you have any unexpected bills.  They can and do give out emergency money.  But you must ask to get.


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## marieoneill (2 Oct 2012)

Hi Bronte,
I will email if nothing changes in the next two weeks thanks, I also have applied for Domiciliary Allowance and have been refused twice but appealed it again, My son is on the Autism spectrum and i know we are entitled to it but will just have to wait our turn. 
Thanks for all your help and advice, very much appreciated.


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## Earlydays (19 Feb 2013)

marieoneill said:


> Thanks everyone for all your posts,
> After reading all your very helpful and kind replies I have a lot of work to do!!
> I know i need to move out with kids asap but as brilliant as my parents are, it would not be fair on them because my son has so many meltdowns during the day and has OCD like symptoms too so everything has to be washed a certain way for him and we can't eat until after his food is cooked, He will only eat certain foods, We have to wash our hands before we touch him or anything belonging to him, we have to wipe chairs and tables with anti bacterial wipes and i have to go around the house at night to make sure there aren't any crumbs etc lying around as this will cause him to have a complete meltdown. While my parents do have a spare room My son wouldn't be able to cope there long term at all. I promise this is not an excuse but when he gets meltdowns he hurts himself and lashes out, my parents are not young and get very upset when they see this and they themselves have health problems and are kind of set in their ways. @KKma you are right about the amount we should be getting as a family and  my husband is not supposed to be taxed while doing this course but i rang tax office today and he is being taxed so they are putting my tax credits in with his ( not sure if i am explaining this correctly as i don't know much about tax etc) and they said in a week or two he should be getting around 20euro more because of this. I have taken on board everyones advice and i am so grateful to you all because i just didn't know where to start. We are also meeting a local TD saturday morning in my hometown. I know everyone is struggling in todays world, I suppose we have been too proud to ask for help all along as we didn't want to judged but we have to put this aside for now and just try and find a way out of this mess for our kids sake, thank you all again.







Hi, I was just wondering how you have gotten on since your last post as I'm in the same kind of situation as you.
How did you get on with the local TD? It's something we're looking into. 
And was the letter from the bank any good with the housing office,
Thanks


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