# where is the best to go to get a loan for a wedding



## xlaurenx

i am hoping to get married next year i will need a lone to do it. my partner is a member of the credit union and has been for years, he never missed a payment but already owes them 10,000 do ya think he would get another 20,000 of them?


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## Sue Ellen

Hi Lauren,

Welcome to AAM.

Best advice is to clear the already outstanding debt and save for a small wedding.  My advice may be cruel but in the long run its kind.


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## Woodie

Hi Lauren
I would go along with Sue Ellen's advice, do not go into this level of debt for one day.  If you can't save for the dream wedding then scale it down or save until you can.   You really don't want to start married life with an unnecessary burden, the glamour of the day itself will all to quickly fade into memory if life throws a few curve-balls at you.


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## STEINER

xlaurenx said:


> i am hoping to get married next year i will need a lone to do it. my partner is a member of the credit union and has been for years, he never missed a payment but already owes them 10,000 do ya think he would get another 20,000 of them?


 
I don't think he'll be missing a payment for some time in the future either.

By all means get married but 20,000 is a lot, especially if you have to borrow it.  Having done this myself, do up a wedding budget and see how cheaply you can get each item for, eg our photographer also gave his merc for transport.  Stipulate cash as the preferred wedding gift from your guests, even €50 from 100 guests is 5000 euro.  You can still get a credit union loan but a more modest one is more prudent and quicker to repay.


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## thewatcher

Stipulating cash as a wedding gift is fairly low in my opinion, and I would be very careful about banking on getting any amount of money in the current climate. We got married last year an there was no crock of gold at the end of the day as some people seem to think, we paid for our wedding up front so it made no odds to us, but if your already 10k in debt I would be adding another 20k to that.


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## NickyK

Hi Lauren,

It's your own business what you want to do for your wedding, whether you want to take on the debt etc. AS for your original question, I would make an appointment with the CU. All they can say is yes or no or give some advice. Getting married myself next summer so I know what it's like trying to pay deposits, save and pay off loans. Another thing to consider is any new wedding loan will probably be paid by both of you.


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## xlaurenx

i completely understand where ye're comin from but we really want to make it the best day we can.we have looked into how much the repayments will be its not alot more then were paying already, we r even planning on paying off extra each week so as to pay it off sooner. we already have a house nd both have steady jobs.  we dont want to relay on presents as a means for paying for it we could be left very disappointed.if we were to save for it it could be years which we both dont want as we have a daughter nearly two and would love to be married by the time she is in school.


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## xlaurenx

thanks nickyk

I think thats the best thing to do its just a bit daunting if they say no we're not left with much options. do you think we should wait till we have all the money to book,is this what you did or are you paying bit by bit? I've never even been to a wedding as I'm the first in my family and of my friends to get married so am really in the dark as to where to start.


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## WindUp

Hi Lauren 
Its your business ; but i would not recommend starting off married life with a 20k noose around your necks - a small wedding or a less formal one would be just as much fun & the day is Special whether it is 10 or 300


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## millieforbes

I know this is off the point from your original query but I think it would be worth spending an evening or two on some of the wedding planning websites for ideas for the wedding, and then for indications on budget. How did you arrive at the 20k figure? What did you want included for that amount? think about whats important for your day and investigate prices. If you download some of the tools on wedding websites you should be able to find a budget tool or a checklist that should help you break down the costs and understand how much you will need and when and then you can figure out how much you might need to borrow - at that stage you could approach the credit union.


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## xlaurenx

thanks millieforbes'

I am looking on the internet all day for ideas  and am going to continue to do so i also have started a budget. a lot of the wedsites dont give prices so am finding it really hard to come up with a figure.the 20,000 is just an estimate.I would love to do it cheaper i just don't no where to start


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## truthseeker

Op I think youd be mad to borrow 20k for a wedding. Its ONE day. Its a party! Thats it! I have a lot of married friends who went the traditional route and pretty much all of them say now that they regret spending so much and they themselves didnt enjoy the day so much as it was so stressful etc...

You can get married for a lot less than 20k and still have a lovely day and a party. Ultimately you can have a civil ceremony for the grand sum of 150 euro - if its the marriage itself that the important thing to you.

But with a current loan of 10k, and looking to add another 20k of debt to that, in my opinion its madness. We are facing another harsh budget next week and god knows whats coming down the line, the steady jobs may not stay so steady. How long would it take to pay off 20k plus interest? The credit unions have high interest rates usually. How much would 20k really cost you? Is just one day worth it?


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## xlaurenx

To me yes it is worth it. It's not for everyone i understand that. If we can cut the cost of things along the way then of course we will, we would just like to know that if there's something we really want then we have the money for it.

I see your point that if it's only about being married then we can do it for a very small amount and that is the most important part but we're only going to this once so want to make it the best day of our life's.

I didn't mention that the money will also be going towards our honeymoon.


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## gipimann

If you haven't been there already, have a look at www.weddingsonline.ie (web forum) which might give you some information on the various costs involved.


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## xlaurenx

thanks gipimann,

I will check it out now.


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## Complainer

You'd be mad to borrow €20k to spend on a wedding. If the 'big day' is that important to you, save up and wait for it. You can always do a quiet civil wedding on the side anytime to cover off the schools thing.

We are entering a very, very difficult few years now. No industry will go untouched. What happens when a no.2 child comes along, or maybe what happens when no.2 child turns out to be no.2, no.3 and no.4 all at the same time. 

This kind of borrowing will cost you an awful lot of interest - money that should be going into your family, not into a credit union.


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## Jim2007

xlaurenx said:


> To me yes it is worth it. It's not for everyone i understand that.



Well I doubt any of us will persuade you otherwise, but I'll give it a go - based on what you have said so far, I take it we are actually talking about a mortgage, 10K plus maybe credit cards and another 20K on top! right?



xlaurenx said:


> If we can cut the cost of things along the way then of course we will, we would just like to know that if there's something we really want then we have the money for it.



But here is the point, you don't have the money, you are borrowing to do it and that is different!



xlaurenx said:


> I see your point that if it's only about being married then we can do it for a very small amount and that is the most important part but we're only going to this once so want to make it the best day of our life's.



What I'm hearing is "if I spend enough money it will be the best day of our lives".  The reality is that most people don't enjoy the day because there is far to much stress involved for a start!  There is no reason that having a good day has to be associated with spending lots of cash!

One thing you should think about is that by taking out this extra loan you could be putting yourself and your family at serious financial risk - what happens if you hit a bad patch and need to pay for lets say school uniforms, school books, extra tuition fees, replace a big ticket item in the household or possibly even a car.  Or what happens in one of you loose your job or are sick for a long period?  Have you got savings that can cover all of this?

One of the big things that struck me when I moved to Switzerland was how careful people are with money!  I've been to seven or eight weddings of professional people over here and I have yet to go to one that was held in a hotel! Club houses and farm barns may times, but never a hotel...  Most couples hire a club house, a party service and a band (often the local buskers!) - everyone has a good time and no one spends the next two years paying off the bank.

Good luck with your decision.


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## T McGibney

truthseeker said:


> Ultimately you can have a civil ceremony for the grand sum of 150 euro - if its the marriage itself that the important thing to you.



It might cost even less to get married by a Priest, especially if you know him or he is local.



Complainer said:


> You can always do a quiet civil wedding on the side anytime to  cover off the schools thing.


A quiet Church wedding is also possible.


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## xlaurenx

Jim2007 said:


> I  take it we are actually talking about a mortgage, 10K plus maybe credit  cards and another 20K on top! right?



no we don't have a mortgage because our house was bought and paid for years ago and handed down to us, we are very lucky lots of people start out married life having to buy there house, which leaves them over 100'000 in dept.
I think if people can handle that then surly we can handle less then a 1/3 of that.

I know ye're only trying to make me see that I don't need spend this kind of money on 1 day but this isn't a decision we came to lightly, we wouldn't be doing this if we didn't think we could handle it.


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## Mpsox

Understand the desire to have a good day but you can have a good day without paying 20k. A lot depends on the numbers you invite. If you have large families then you may feel obliged to invite the whole lot of them. How many were you thinking off.

Good country hotels will do packages €35-€45 per head and usually there is room for negotiation on additional things like a few free bedrooms for a night thrown in. 

One option is if you have people who would be giving a present is that rather then giving a toaster or something that will end up in the attic, could they provide a service instease. In my own case, that was how we got the wedding car and the cake, family and friends provided the car and baked the cake instead of another present.

Big thing to ask youself is when you are doing the budget is to ask, is this thing really necessary? Do you, for example, really need 4 or 5 bridesmaids, butterflys or doves flutering around, a chocolate fountain, table gifts for guests etc etc. Answer in our case was no and we still had a great day. People want a good feed in a decent place with a good band, most other things get forgotton about. Bear in mind as well, the more things you have, the more things you will have to stress you out

Good luck but I would really try and cut it back from 20k and be prepared to haggle


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## sam h

> People want a good feed in a decent place with a good band,


 
I'll second this - it's about the only thing people really remember.  I've seen so many people "waste" (IMO) money on favours, excessive flowers, cars.  We were very fortunate that we got alot of services from people as gifts.

You are in a fortunate position where you own your house as it was passed onto you, yet even without the monthly cost of a mortgage, you are still in debt to the tune of €10k & you want to add an extra €20k to this, entirely your decision but here are my few tips to keep cost down & still have a great day
 - DO spend money on a great meal.....nothing worse than a "carvery" type meal at a wedding
 - DO spend money on a great band - make sure you get one that will really get the party going
 - Consider a midweek day, generally costs less (we had to as we booked late in the day!)
 - We didn't have a photographer as I generally hate posing for photos & I always think wedding phots look so staged.  We got a load of disposable cameras & gave them out to everyone - we had snaps of everyone.  These days everyone has a digital camera/phone, get them to e-mail you their snaps
 - Ask someone who has a nice car to drive you
 - don't go crazy with flowers - after a while, nobody notices them 
 - favours - waste of money IMO (my friend spend €1k on have a wee box of choccies, I'd rather get a new couch!!)
 - Shop around for wedding dress.....some great bargains to be had or buy on-line.  You only get the one day out of it.
 - buy a nice suit for hubbie to be, it will cost a little more than renting but you'll alwats have it
 - open bar??? I've been to wedding with & without - never thought any less of a wedding with out one.  If I really want to be at there wedding, I've no problem buying a few drinks. If you do have one, limit it to a drink for the toast (thats all we did)
 - Flower girl/Page boy - pick up a simple dress in Monsoon or slacks & snazzy shirt in M&S....should cost more than about €50

Whatever you do,  make sure you enjoy it.  Too many people get so stressed about the little things, they have little recollection of the day - the less you plan, the less can go wrong !!  Once you & he are there- thats all that really matters.


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## xlaurenx

I know people have done weddings on a much smaller bugdet, I would love to do this.I think my problem is i dont know where to start.
If you could give me some tips i would definitly take them on broad.
I am starting to come around to ye're way of thinking 
Thanks for all the advice


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## xlaurenx

Thank you Sam,

Your right on everything you said, an open bar to me is a joke and something i would never do.I will def be buying my dress online, iv been look and there much nicer and less then half the price. But is it really ok to not have wedding favours, and would it be ok to ask the bridemaids to buy there own shoes and pay for there own hair and make-up, or even do there own if the dont want to pay for it?
The band i think is very important and form what iv heard is going to cost about 2500, you also get the dj for that.
What about presnts for the bridal party and parents how much should i be spending on these.
What else can i save on?


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## NorfBank

xlaurenx said:


> I think my problem is i dont know where to start.


 
How much does your partner earn?
Are you working?
Any kids?


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## sam h

Where do you start? Write a list of all the things you feel are essential for your day & then try to work out what you can do to get that item at the cheapest possible price.....ask about for tips from friends who have got married.

Favours - tbh, I really thin they are a waste, my friend who spent €1k on the little box of chocolates agrees in hind sight - half of them were left behind.  If you feel it is important, make them.  Get some nice netting & a pretty ribbon & make up a little bag of chocolates.

Band - It's a LONG time since I got married, but even factoring in inflation, there is no way we spent that much.  Again, ask about & go along to some gigs.  I loved our band (but I'm not sure the aunts were as impressed).  People were on the dance floor for the night.

Make up & hair - loads of specials going with the likes of Deal Pages, keep an eye out. 

Just work through each part of the day & have a good think about whether it will *really* add to the whole experience & what is the cheapest way that you can do it for.


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## xlaurenx

I am working and earning on average 400 a week, my partner is earning a little over that.
We have one child and do plan to have more.

thank you sam,

Its good to get some advice from some one whos been through this all before.
none of my family or friends are married aside from our parents which was over 20 years ago.


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## millieforbes

A little scarey, but here's a list from a planning spreadsheet I've seen...

Invitations
Pre-marriage course
Priest, altar services, sacristan
Church music
Candles, church decoration
Car

Flowers
Dress
Shoes
Accessories , jewellery, etc
Hair
Make-up

Bridesmaids dresses
Groomsmen suits

Rings
Photographer

Arrival reception
Meal (per person)
Room hire
Wine
Corkage
Sparkling wine
cake
Evening food

Music for drinks reception
Band
DJ

Favours
Table centrepieces
Bride & groom accommodation
Presents for mothers
Presents for bridesmaids/,groomsmen

Going away outfit
Honeymoon

You could use the list to help get you started by deciding what would be important for you


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## millieforbes

Have a look at these hotel websites for some ideas on costings, you can get a feel for what's included and not included

Cartonhouse.com
Johnstownhouse.com
Knightbrook.com


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## T McGibney

No need for band and DJ. (in fact, no need for band at all if you don't want one - we didn't bother with one.)
No need for centrepieces, favours, presents, going away outfits.
No need for any more than 1 bridesmaid and 1 groomsman - who may well be happy to perform their functions in civvies if asked nicely 
No need for sparkling wine
No need for flower girls or page boys.
No need to spend any money worth talking about at the arrival reception.
Definitely no need to be buying rounds of drink for anyone.

Allocate strict budgets to all other items of expenditure  - and stick to them.

Consider going to a restaurant instead and avoid the dreaded rubber beef or salmon dinner.


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## NorfBank

xlaurenx said:


> I am working and earning on average 400 a week, my partner is earning a little over that.


 

400 x 2 x 52 = €41600 income.

Mortgage free. Your only debt is €10k.

You're in a better financial position than most of us.

Don't go completely nuts on your wedding, 20k is mental but it is your big day so don't feel guilty about going a little mad if that's what you want to do. 

By all means take advice here but if people start saying ask your aunty to make the sandwiches then you are free to ignore them. 

One piece of advice, if it's a toss up between spending €500 more on the wedding or the honeymoon, put it to the honeymoon.

Good luck.


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## xlaurenx

I do feel people our a little judgemental of me because they are not in my position financial wise and therefore can  not justify getting such a big lone for a wedding. While i do understand this and have started to realise that maybe i can do it for a little less there are just some things i am not willing to cut.

Band, i feel you have to have one and a good one at that.

bridemaids, i have 2 sisters how could i have 1 and not the other, my bestfriend who has asked me to be her maid of honor in 2 years how can i not ask her.

hotel, i want to party all night long, a restaurant would not be the place for this.

d.j as above a party is just not a party without 1


Flower girl, my daughter who will be 3 by the time of the wedding has to be part of my wedding, i think this is is the most important part


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## T McGibney

xlaurenx said:


> I do feel people our a little judgemental of me because they are not in my position financial wise and therefore can  not justify getting such a big lone for a wedding. While i do understand this and have started to realise that maybe i can do it for a little less there are just some things i am not willing to cut.
> 
> Band, i feel you have to have one and a good one at that.
> 
> bridemaids, i have 2 sisters how could i have 1 and not the other, my bestfriend who has asked me to be her maid of honor in 2 years how can i not ask her.
> 
> hotel, i want to party all night long, a restaurant would not be the place for this.
> 
> d.j as above a party is just not a party without 1
> 
> 
> Flower girl, my daughter who will be 3 by the time of the wedding has to be part of my wedding, i think this is is the most important part



Fair enough. My own suggestions were just ideas based on our own (happy) experience.  Every cost saving involves some element of compromise. You pays your money and you makes your choices.


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## millieforbes

xlaurenx said:


> I do feel people our a little judgemental of me because they are not in my position financial wise and therefore can  not justify getting such a big lone for a wedding. While i do understand this and have started to realise that maybe i can do it for a little less there are just some things i am not willing to cut.
> 
> part




I dont think people are being judgemental, but an awful lot of people would not ever consider borrowing for a wedding, similarly a lot of people would never borrow for a holiday or a car etc. You are considering a large loan and a lot of people are highlighting the risks in that because there are horror stories all over AAM about people losing jobs, relationships breaking up, getting ill and loans causing huge stress and problems.

You've identified the important things for you in your wedding, a fun party, a late night, a good band and dj, that's important as you can start budgeting from there and figuring out what other things to leave out or save money on and maybe bring down the overall budget


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## xlaurenx

After hearing what people have to say i do feel i can cut cut cost and thats what i intend to.

thank you every one for ye're advice. The only thing left for me to do is start looking for some bargins


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## truthseeker

If you both earn approx 400 a week and are not paying rent or mortgage, what are you spending that on weekly?

Surely between the two of you, if you budget well, you could could save between 100-150 a week towards the wedding. In a year that gives between 5200-7800 saved, meaning that you have to borrow a lot less.


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## muffin1973

Lauren, check out www.dresselicious.ie - if you're on weddingsonline now (which a previous poster mentioned and which is _the_ wedding website in Ireland, you'll get loads of advice over there about everything) you'll find threads on it. My sister got our bridesmaid dresses from there and they were only €40 each! Now the material wasn't amazing, but they look good in the photos  Alternatively go shopping during the sales after Christmas, you'll get loads of bargains then. 

I agree re the favours, we didnt' have them and nobody noticed at all. 

You're right to want a place you can stay up till all hours for your wedding, the poster who mentioned mid week weddings was spot on you can get some great deals if you'll get married Monday-Wednesday...

We didn't have a band either, but more because I dont' like bands, we just downloaded all the music we loved onto an ipod and played that through the hotel's system. 

You could also have a look on www.discountdesigner.ie which has second hand designer wedding dressses on it, has some lovely ones at good reduction of the original cost.

enjoy planning your wedding 

M


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## xlaurenx

thanks muffin,

I have been looking on line and do feel things are a lot cheaper i have found a american website that has over 5000 wedding dresses, most of them for under 200.

I don't think ill bother with favours, that's at least 500 saved there. a mid week opition is not a option. My partner is very close to a lot of people he works with so would have to be a day when there not working.

How much do you I should spend on presents for the bridal party, i was thinking about dressing gowns wit bridemaid on the back and wedged flipflops as they wil be in there shoes all day i think they would come in handy at the end of the night, do you think this is a good idea?

Fairplay to you for doing your own music it's just something i dont feel i could do, not because i think its cheap but because my mind would go blank and i would become very stressed.


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## xlaurenx

We do save every week,We also pay bills esb, gas, rubbish, childcare, petrol motor tax it all adds up just because we dont have rent doesn't mean we dont have things that need to be paid


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## millieforbes

I was bridesmaid for a very good friend a couple of years ago, I paid for our make-up including the second bridesmaid who was a student at the time otherwise we would have split it, that was part of my present to her. The bride bought necklaces for us for us for the day (about €80 I think) and these were our present, she bought the dresses and we wore our own shoes in similar styles. With a good bit of practice we did each others hair, bride included. I thought the presents worked very well.

Would a marquee be an option for you? It could work well for a big party


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## emeralds

Have you been to the CU yet to see if they will allow you to take out another loan for the wedding?


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## niceoneted

xlaurenx, I think you are getting the picture that more money spent does not equal great day which is what you are looking for. 

Agree with earlier posters that, food and entertainment are most important. I would extend this to music in the church. 

I think you are also in a very lucky situation where you have a mortgage free home and I understand what you say about all the other bills. Might I suggest that you check out the money makeover section. I believe that you could possibly have your current loan clear and a good bit saved for the wedding, with a tightening up for the 12 month run up to the wedding. (I am assuming when you say you earn €400 each a week that that is take home pay and not gross). 
Best wishes for it all.


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## muffin1973

Lauren yes I think that's a lovely idea.  I gave my two sisters a bracelet and earrings each and I think they cost around Eur80 per set, so Eur160 in total.  Your idea is lovely as well, as you say the feet get sore at the end of the night/while dancing!  My sister got us all a tshirt with Bridesmaid on the back of it, a few other little bits and also wrote us a letter each, which I thought was a lovely thought.

I think you should get onto weddingonline (WOL as we call it ) and get chatting to others in the same boat. 

Getting back to your original questions, as someone who owes more than Eur300k on our mortgage, I'd kill to only owe Eur30k, so while I don't necessarily agree with borrowing such a lot, you'll still be better off than most of us, so see what you can save in the meantime and then just borrow what you will actually need.

M


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## NickyK

xlaurenx said:


> thanks nickyk
> 
> I think thats the best thing to do its just a bit daunting if they say no we're not left with much options. do you think we should wait till we have all the money to book,is this what you did or are you paying bit by bit? I've never even been to a wedding as I'm the first in my family and of my friends to get married so am really in the dark as to where to start.


 
What we did was decide what we could cut back on in one month. We were putting extra away for our mortgage so in the end we had a definite €500 to save and another €500 depending on whether car insurance etc was required. We have a mortgage and a girl who's 3 (today!) If you book somewhere/something you will need to pay a deposit. We have saved over €5000 and paid deposits as required. I also have €2000 in the CU but owe on a car loan. This car loan will be paid by next summer. We are going to Spain to get married so a lot of the stuff is taken care of for us.
We are hoping to have €10000 by next summer and have a lot of the wedding paid for. Any extra we will get a CU loan. 
We approached the CU via email to lay out what we wanted, what we planned to save etc. They we able to give us advice on what we needed to do. From then on we knew what to expect.


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## Mongola

It is all about reseraching, negotiating and thinking outside the box. This is a magic combination! and don't be afraid of bargaining: you will be amazed at what you can achieve. 

We got engaged last year (October 2010) and are getting married next July. We could have got married sooner but we wanted to save save save first, and for us, the honeymoon , alongside being married, is what we are looking forward to the most. A wedding is for a day, a marriage is for life so you may as well try to start it on the right note! Although you do not have a mortgage, you do not know what will/can happen down the line.

As I have said in the pm i have sent you, I will be delighted to share the very detailed spreadsheet


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## xlaurenx

thanks everyone for all ye're tips and advice.

I'v been brought back down to earth a bit and intend to spend as little as possible.
I think with a lot of research it's doable.

thanks again.


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