# Can I forward personal emails to 3rd parties?



## Tintagel (2 Dec 2014)

I recently received a very obnoxious email from a family member that I have had issues with over many years. These type of emails erupt a couple of times a year. Up to this I have dealt with them differently depending on my own mood at the time. I need to put a stop to these. These emails are one to one. I want to Forward these emails to third parties. Is there any law stopping me from doing this?


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## Thirsty (2 Dec 2014)

Private or work email address?
Matter of state security / criminal activity or currently the subject of a legal case?
Matter concerning an invention or other intellectual property?


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## Gerry Canning (2 Dec 2014)

I cannot see any reason why you can,t forward these to whoever you want.

But Please be careful.
Once they move beyond the 2 of you , war can start , and drag in 3rd parties.
Remember ,your thoughts and those who might read the mails need not coincide, and more missunderstandings can arise.
Rarely  does advertising an in-house mail help.
Suggest . Respond gently and tell perpetrator that you found the e-mail hurtful and would he/she please stop sending them.
Also advise that you will forward any more  unsolicitated e-mails that you consider offensive  to whoever you decide. 

If atall possible wish them well and hope matters can improve twix you both .


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## Brendan Burgess (2 Dec 2014)

There is nothing to stop you forwarding them, but what would it achieve? 

They are annoying and upsetting, so just block them.   Or if you think you might need them at a later stage, filter them into a folder and mark them as read. 

Don't even open them.

Brendan


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## Tintagel (2 Dec 2014)

Gerry Canning said:


> But Please be careful.
> Once they move beyond the 2 of you , war can start , and drag in 3rd parties.


Thanks. This person thinks that she is the pillar of the community and looks it on the surface, but beneath the surface there is the real side. I have tried everything suggested in the responses. I was verbally abused in my parent's front garden during the summer when our paths happened to cross. Phone calls are the same. She is very careful when she does this with no witnesses present. However with the emails I have written proof. I just wondered about the legal situation. The fallout doesn't worry me.


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## kmick (2 Dec 2014)

The threat of forwarding these emails might be enough.
>>
Dear Mr. Smith,

I have printed out this email and stored it along with your other emails. Additionally I have logged all other communications with you in a dated dossier. Any further communications from you via email or otherwise will result in me taking this evidence to a third party.

Kind Regards
Mrs. Murphy 
>>

Change the text so google does not turn it up.


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## 44brendan (2 Dec 2014)

Isn't human behaviour extraordinary? One might hope that we are moving towards a more tolerant and civilised society but invariably there are a significant minority amongst us who have neither tolerance nor civility in their interaction with others. Thankfully you have not resorted to sending off a similar type of response to these mails. If you can retain your dignity and respect in any response this is likely to further enrage the other party far more than the tactics of distributing the mail to his/her friends relations. It's difficult not to take up the cudgel in these situations but if you remain calm and act logically while retaining your self respect this is likely to be the best option for dealing with the situation. Show them that you are the bigger person!!!


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## epicaricacy (2 Dec 2014)

It's very difficult to deal with the toxic behaviour of certain family members. Most of their behaviour is driven by unconscious / unacknowledged jealousy / envy - and most of it originates from childhood where they (in)correctly believe(d) that your existence contributed to them receiving less or adverse attention from your parents. When we are very young, we all need to believe that our parents are wonderful nurturing beings and if they're not, we engage in a manic defence of their behaviours as our need to feel safe is more important than actual reality. As part of our manic defence of our parents' child rearing deficits, our understandable rage / disappointment towards our parents is often transferred / displaced either onto ourselves (the origins of self loathing) and / or our siblings (the origins of the hatred we may have for our siblings and latterly 'the other'). After all, if we are aware that there isn't sufficient love / nurturing / safety / security / affirmation there to begin with, what will the birth of a sibling mean for us? In later life, relationship problems between siblings are compounded by the fact that the majority of us choose 'amnesia' re. the truth about our childhoods  and as a result, the manic defence of 'mammy' and 'daddy' being 'perfect' becomes perpetuated as does our displaced rage towards our (often innocent) siblings. However, understanding the origin of our sibling's behaviour is just half the battle - the other half is protecting ourselves. As the Psychologist Dorothy Rowe wrote about her own toxic sister in her book 'My Dearest Enemy, My Dangerous Friend' - 'just because you understand why the caged lioness is depressed, it doesn't mean it's safe for you to get into the cage with her' - in other words, engage in compassionate understanding from a distance.


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## Jim2007 (2 Dec 2014)

Tintagel said:


> I want to Forward these emails to third parties. Is there any law stopping me from doing this?



The law of escalation perhaps: once you release this thing it can get rapidly out of control and may have side effect you did not imagine.  Most email programs have an ignore button or even an ignore list, use it.


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## Thirsty (3 Dec 2014)

Here's a thought

Set up a filter so that all mails from _nastyperson@gmail.com_ are automatically forwarded to a dummy address (_replytonastyperson@gmail.com_) which you will set up solely for this purpose.  You can include the filter to delete the mail after it's forwarded on.

The dummy address will have an automatic response along the lines suggested by Kmick.

You will never have to see or read the emails again.


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## j26 (3 Dec 2014)

Bear in mind that if they are making statements about someone, and you forward them on, you could be publishing a defamatory statement.


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## so-crates (3 Dec 2014)

What would be the purpose of forwarding the emails? What would you hope to achieve?


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## WizardDr (3 Dec 2014)

What you do:

Go to http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/1997/en/act/pub/0026/sec0010.html#sec10

Copy Section 10 Harassment and send it on email to your relative and say that as you have had X number of these - one more and you will report it to the Garda.

Tell him or her to read this and to desist. Actually read it yourself and you may see he could e charged with what you have described.


Harassment.

10.—(1) Any person who, without lawful authority or reasonable excuse, by any means including by use of the telephone, harasses another by persistently following, watching, pestering, besetting or communicating with him or her, shall be guilty of an offence.

(2) For the purposes of this section a person harasses another where—

(a) he or she, by his or her acts intentionally or recklessly, seriously interferes with the other's peace and privacy or causes alarm, distress or harm to the other, and

(b) his or her acts are such that a reasonable person would realise that the acts would seriously interfere with the other's peace and privacy or cause alarm, distress or harm to the other.

(3) Where a person is guilty of an offence under subsection (1), the court may, in addition to or as an alternative to any other penalty, order that the person shall not, for such period as the court may specify, communicate by any means with the other person or that the person shall not approach within such distance as the court shall specify of the place of residence or employment of the other person.

(4) A person who fails to comply with the terms of an order under subsection (3) shall be guilty of an offence.

(5) If on the evidence the court is not satisfied that the person should be convicted of an offence under subsection (1), the court may nevertheless make an order under subsection (3) upon an application to it in that behalf if, having regard to the evidence, the court is satisfied that it is in the interests of justice so to do.

(6) A person guilty of an offence under this section shall be liable—

(a) on summary conviction to a fine not exceeding £1,500 or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 12 months or to both, or

(b) on conviction on indictment to a fine or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 7 years or to both.


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## Tintagel (4 Dec 2014)

Thanks everyone. Even the act of blocking an email or putting an unread email in to a separate folder or deleting an email still has an effect on me because she is still there. The phone calls have more or less ended but not gone away. The format is always the same. They start off benign but there is always an agenda. When I spot the agenda, her claws and fangs come out. I have caller ID on my phone but she has used other phones to get around this.
The chance encounter at the supermarket or other event always descend into the "sneer" or nasty comment.
The above are not regular occurrences. They erupt from time to time, probably when things are going wrong in her life.
Anyhow I just wanted to know the legal position about forwarding on her personal attacks in the form of emails to me. I thought by showing myself to be a bit reckless and unpredictable, might make her wary of me and that this act might stop her for once and for all.


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## Gerry Canning (4 Dec 2014)

Tintagel; 

From your posts this lady has a (head) issue.
You going (reckless) will only exacerbate matters.

If she phones , be hard and say you do not wish to take her calls, (you need give no reason) and just hang up because you will be tempted to respond.
Log everything for a few months and if say by March she has not (backed) off and it still upsets you ,then consider Garda etc.
I stress ,try very hard to NOT turn this into a war.


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## delgirl (4 Dec 2014)

Gerry Canning said:


> From your posts this lady has a (head) issue.
> You going (reckless) will only exacerbate matters.
> 
> If she phones , be hard and say you do not wish to take her calls, (you need give no reason) and just hang up because you will be tempted to respond.
> ...


+1

I know of someone who was in a somewhat similar situation, although it was a work related relationship rather than a private one, and when they exposed the aggressor it turned into a full-blown, aggressive stalking affair which caused a huge amount of stress to the victim.


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## Thirsty (4 Dec 2014)

> I thought by showing myself to be a bit reckless and unpredictable


You're not dealing with a rational person here, so they won't view your actions in the way that a rational person would.

Best proposal re the emails is exactly as I've said, once it's done you won't even see them come in and you'll never have to know about it again.

As regards the other behaviours..

on phone calls exactly as Gerry has said, you don't need to apologise just a simple 'I'm not available to talk'..  practise it first, good manners are natural to most decent people and it will feel like you are being rude (you're not, again this is not a rational person).

on chance encounters, don't stop again repeat your stock phrase 'I'm not available to talk'.

Finally, keep this thought in mind, you can't change other people, you can only change how you respond to them.


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## so-crates (4 Dec 2014)

Tintagel said:


> I thought by showing myself to be a bit reckless and unpredictable, might make her wary of me and that this act might stop her for once and for all.


Not a good reason (it would be a good ratchet though - it would likely prompt a negative and potentially damaging response). If you want to send them to a third party it would need to be a strategic move which will not backfire on you. I think just doing it to make you seem reckless is not a good strategy. The key word there is "reckless" - it indicates that you yourself do not view the action as wise.
I think Gerry Canning is spot on. Diary and disengage. The former gives a picture and a history and may be of use in the future. the latter gives some protection from the behaviour, it moves any interactions from a private to a public arena where you have noted that the behaviour is less aggressive.


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## Tintagel (4 Dec 2014)

Thanks. I feel good now with the helpful advice.


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