# Concerned neighbour



## evi3 (9 Jun 2008)

I am renting with my boyfriend for the past year and we live next to a single mother and her child. The boy is about 7 or 8 I am quite concerned as for the past year there have been UNBELIEVABLE screaming matches between them pretty much 5 nights out of 7. I am quite worried for this child as this can't be good for him. Everyone has their fights but I've never heard anything like this. I feel like we should do something, not social services or anything but she doesn't seem to have much support around her and I wonder if theres anybody that can help? I just feel awful listening to this night after night but she seems quite unapproachable so don't feel I can talk to her. My boyfriend says we should stay out of it, any opinions? The people who rented here before us said the same thing, I just feel sad that this little boy is having a hard time at home....


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## ClubMan (9 Jun 2008)

If you have concerns then why would you not call social services (e.g. your local public health nurse or social worker) in confidence? Or talk to a local _GP_? Or the boy's school? Some people might be more comfortable talking to local clergy perhaps.


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## evi3 (9 Jun 2008)

I don't know I feel a bit uneasy about involving Social Services in case they go too hard on her, I'd say she's stressed and doesn't seem to know how to parent properly. They may be the only option though...


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## ClubMan (9 Jun 2008)

"Social services" are there to help. I doubt that they will go too hard on her and, if they got involved, would seek to help her and her son. If you are concerned that they might take the child from her into care then I doubt that this would happen unless it was a case of serious abuse or neglect. Even then I wonder. Just look at the number of drunks and junkies often homeless or living in _B&B_/hostel accommodation who can barely look after themselves and yet whose kids are not taken into care for reasons that I can never fathom!


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## PM1234 (9 Jun 2008)

The situation doesn't sound too good and maybe the mother might need a little help. I agree with ClubMan.  I imagine they will just call around to check if everything is ok.

Also to be honest if there is some form of child abuse going on, surely it is better for someone to intervene rather than ignore a problem which may get worse.


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## jambo.ie (9 Jun 2008)

evi3 said:


> I don't know I feel a bit uneasy about involving Social Services in case they go too hard on her, I'd say she's stressed and doesn't seem to know how to parent properly. They may be the only option though...


Social Services will give her help if needed. If she needs help then you'll be doing her a favour. They don't take kids off people except as a last resort.


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## eileen alana (9 Jun 2008)

It must be awful to have to listen to this and I do feel for you. It's difficult to know what to do in this situation, she could be depressed, isolated and struggling to cope on a low income. I watched a recent prime time report on neglected children and it was appalling to see the chronic lack of social work services for disadvantaged children. 
However, I couldn't sit back and do nothing, you would regret if something were to happen to the child, make an anonymous phonecall to the social work department in your area and voice your concerns.


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## heretohelp (9 Jun 2008)

Social services will not do a thing unless the child has visible markings on the body, and even then there is a very good chance nothing will be done , i am not trying to put you off voicing your concerns , please do so it you think its necessary, but in a very recent case this was the outcome received by someone in know.


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## ClubMan (9 Jun 2008)

Perhaps you could contact the likes of  or www.childline.ie or maybe even www.samaritans.ie anonymously to pass on your concerns?


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## heretohelp (9 Jun 2008)

good advice clubman, even if someone in authority were to call to the house maybe the Poor mum will maybe calm down a little when she knows someone could call at anytime


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## eileen alana (9 Jun 2008)

heretohelp said:


> Social services will not do a thing unless the child has visible markings on the body, and even then there is a very good chance nothing will be done , i am not trying to put you off voicing your concerns , please do so it you think its necessary, but in a very recent case this was the outcome received by someone in know.


 


You are right in what you say and it is so sad but that's the way things are.  There are family resource centres scattered around the country that woud be of help but if the person in question is unapproachable, what else can be done to help?


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## heretohelp (9 Jun 2008)

I agree, it probably is the only thing but if you dont want to give your name do as another poster said and give an anonymous tip . They wont take the child away, but will help her  to cope/


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## ClubMan (9 Jun 2008)

heretohelp said:


> good advice clubman, even if someone in authority were to call to the house maybe the Poor mum will maybe calm down a little when she knows someone could call at anytime


I would imagine that "social service" professionals would try to deal with the underlying issues rather than just hoping that the threat of them calling again might deal with the symptoms. Obviously if you have concerns for the child involved you should try to flag them in whatever way suits you best and holds out the best promise of some remedial/supportive action being taken. You don't have to become centrally involved nor does your role as "whistleblower" need to be known to anybody.


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## heretohelp (9 Jun 2008)

Its not a threat ,its just that this person will know they are under observation and might stop the shouting and screaming which is surely the issue here ? its the child that is of concern, and all should be done to ensure his safety.


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## Ash 22 (10 Jun 2008)

Maybe mentioning to the teacher may be a good idea. More than likely teacher will have noticed if he is showing any signs of upset already and will keep a close eye on things.


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## Margie (10 Jun 2008)

evi3 I completely sympathise with your situation.  I lived beside a single mother and her 8 or 9 year old son before.  The situation was very similar - we could hear the boy screaming at all hours, running up and down the stairs, doors banging.  Then we would hear the mother raising her voice.  One night I called out and knocked at the door, "i was just wondering was all ok?  i thought i heard someone fall on the stairs" I said.  The mother was visually distraught and upset.  She explained to me that her son has aspurger's syndrome - he suffers from insomnia and panic rages as a side effect, always at night time.  He would run around the house in a rage screaming and she would have to run after him to calm him down, sometimes having to put him in a bath at 3 in the morning to calm him.  I explained to her that I was not interfering but we were concerned.  She was very approachable.  Still, knowing this it was very hard to listen to.  I suppose what I am saying or rather hoping, is that it might not be what it seems.  would having a discreet word with the mam similar to what i said go down well at all?


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## evi3 (10 Jun 2008)

Hi thanks for your replies guys, think I will contact HSE local centre. I defo would not feel comfortable approaching mother she won't even say hi to me after a year of living next door and won't make eye contact. He could have slight ADHD or something having seeing him play but she is still not dealing with him in the right way if he has....


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## ClubMan (10 Jun 2008)

evi3 said:


> He could have slight ADHD or something


Are you a medical expert?


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## evi3 (11 Jun 2008)

No why? Did I let slip I have a Medical Degree?


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## ClubMan (11 Jun 2008)

Just thought it was odd that you would attempt to diagnose illnesses that the child may or may not suffer from in this way.


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## Margie (11 Jun 2008)

*Perhaps* the child may have some form of social difficulty, be it ADHD or aspurgers etc.  If this is the case, maybe the mam doesn't realise how much help and support there actually is out there.  It is very difficult to figure out the best way to approach the situation.  Is there any extended member of the mam's family who would be discreet, perhaps a grandparent.  If it is the case that the child has a medical problem well then by doing something the situation might turn out more positively.


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## ClubMan (11 Jun 2008)

Margie said:


> It is very difficult to figure out the best way to approach the situation.


There have been lots of useful suggestions so far. Perhaps the original poster will act on them.


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## mercman (11 Jun 2008)

There is obviously a two level problem here. In the first instance the child. By simply posting on a Forum is certainly not going to remedy the situation.This is a young child we are discussing. Whether he has a behavioural problem doesn't matter. This is abuse -- five nights a week roaring and shouting. God only knows what lies behind the doors. To clear your concience, surely you should report to the Gardai and Social Services. 

On the second level, who knows what type of problems the mother has. She may have a personality disorder herself. Or even some kind of an addiction problem. One thing certain, this entire matter requires to be dealt with by the professionals and ASAP, before you are back on this forum again detailing a disaster.How many times have we watched Sky news with unbelievable reports of pathetic child abuse.

Finally, if you are renting your apartment, why should you have to put up with this nightly disturbance.  Have you lodged a complaint to the MC who could have these people evicted. This solves your problem of peace and quiet but just lets the main problem continue.

Please report this matter before the child especially becomes another horrible Statistic.


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## mercman (11 Jun 2008)

evi13, if you have a medical qualification, the very least you can do is put your best foot forward and halp the situation.


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## evi3 (11 Jun 2008)

I don't mercman club man was being a smart alec or at least thought he was cos I said the child 'could possibly be' adhd ! I know the behavour as my friend suffers with it .. 

I have contacted our local hse centre and they are getting a representative to ring me back..


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## mercman (13 Jun 2008)

evi3 -- Any Update on this ugly situation ???


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