# Do you know your neighburs?



## micmclo (20 Nov 2011)

Reading another post and it has me wondering, how many of us even know our neighbours?

I'm sure it's different in estates to rural areas. Certainly where I grew up I knew every house and family for miles around.

I'm renting a flat in a city now about three years, I know two of my neighbours to say nod the head and say hello to. Don't know their names though.
I couldn't tell you if they own the flats or rent. 

I dislike the couple upstairs for various reasons and I don't know their names.

I have nobody's mobile number in an emergency.

Though once a courier arrived with a package when I was in work and the people downstairs minded it for me. That was nice of them

Am a I terrible neighbour? I think this would be typical in flat complexes or estates
Do you know everyone in your area?


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## truthseeker (20 Nov 2011)

I live in an apartment block, there are no internal areas, all front doors face out on the street so in theory I should know most of my neighbours as I see them going in and out.

In practice, I know one neighbour well - but I went to school with him so its not that I know him from being a neighbour. I know the people directly above me and to one side of me enough to have a conversation in passing, but Id only know the surnames because of the postman accidently posting something in for them occasionally. I know a couple of other faces to see and nod to - but thats it.

I know some people from other apartment blocks for various reasons - for example I tend to know people who own dogs because I usually stop to pet the dog and have gotten to know them that way. Or on odd occasions I have helped or been helped by someone, during the snow, changing a tyre, calling in to tell them their car lights are on or something.

There are some neighbours that I probably wouldnt even recognise if they walked up to me, a lot of people like to keep themselves to themselves and dont look up to nod or anything like that.

I have around 3 mobile numbers of neighbours, mostly just a remnant of something that required a number at the time - I wouldnt be in phone contact with them but I could ring if I needed to for some reason I suppose.

When I was a child I lived in an estate and knew every single neighbour on the road, but that was more to do with being a child and hanging around the road with the other children, I knew who they were, as in Id recognise every one of them but I dont remember my parents particularly hanging round with them, maybe some of the mothers and my own mother had the odd coffee or chat at the gate but it didnt go further - it wasnt friendship.

Im pretty friendly and tend to be a person who nods or says hello if I see the same person more than once, but apartment living doesnt really lend itself to more than just passing by in motion, its not like anyone is out doing their garden, washing their car or otherwise hanging around outside, when you walk out the front door you are going somewhere, not hanging around.


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## Complainer (20 Nov 2011)

We really only got to know neighbours beyond nodding acquaintance once kids arrived.


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## horusd (20 Nov 2011)

I've one neighbour whose never there, lives mostly with his GF. The woman on the other side is a me feiner, nice enough, but would have you running around after her with little jobs if I let her away with it. I know some others on  the street and they're nice, but we don't do coffee! I like being friendly,but up to a point.  Often wondered if it's a "Dublin" thing, not being overly close to neighbours, or keeping a distance?


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## shopgirl (20 Nov 2011)

I live in one of the older established areas of Dublin though I'm not a Dubliner. I know most of my neighbours and would be able to call on them if I needed something, & they would call on me.  During the bad weather there was very definitely a great sense of community spirit which was nice to see.


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## Yorrick (20 Nov 2011)

I dont know my neighbours and I dont want to know them. I didnt buy my house to expand my social life. Its not the London Blitz. If some saddo wants to be going around looking after his neighbours property so be it but count me out. If you ley those crowd pass your doorstep you won't have a minutes rest


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## Leper (20 Nov 2011)

Thank God some of you ain't my neighbours.  Seriously, though, a good neighbour is invaluable, but to have one you must be one. No Offence.


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## IsleOfMan (21 Nov 2011)

Many people have made efforts with neighbours only to find that they weren't interested in doing the same. I watched as a neighbour a few doors up had a gardener doing work in his garden. He generally always gets his hedges around the periphery of his garden trimmed, including those of his neighbours that overgrow in to his property. On this occasion he didn't bother to include his neighbour's hedges on one side. I can understand why, because his neighbour never bothers to make any effort to trim back their own hedges that overgrow in to other peoples gardens. I happen to live on the other side of this person and I also have been cutting back hedges that I shouldn't have to. I have also made the decision to stop cutting back this persons hedges independently.

There are other things that these neighbours do that cause annoyance to their neighbours. It is not that they are bad people it is just that they are completly unaware of other people.

We have almost completly distanced ourselves from these people which is sad but if they don't make the effort well why should we. I am not sure if they will even notice though. 


It is funny though to pass by someone who has lived on the same street as you for years, to give them a nod and they look at you as if they have never seen you before.


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## liaconn (21 Nov 2011)

I live in an apartment block containing 5 units. I know all the inhabitants bar one to have a quick friendly chat with if I meet them on the stairs. I have the mobile numbers of two of them (although have mislaid one) given in case of an emergency. However, I have never been in any of their apartments and they have never been in mine. I don't know anyone else on the road as I don't have kids, am out at work all day and it's a newish estate so lots of rented houses, people just passing through on their way up the property ladder etc.
When I stay back down in my parents' house for the odd night I'm always struck by how much contact there is between the neighbours (offering each other lifts, dropping in meals if someone's sick, leaving in cards for kids' birthdays or Leaving Certs and so on.) I would love to live on a road like that again, but unfortunately moving is out of the question at the moment.


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## gipimann (21 Nov 2011)

I'm almost 7 years living in my current home, and I couldn't say I know my neighbours - I'd probably recognise their cars faster than I'd recognise the people!

Was 7 years at my previous address too, and knew as many people on the day I left as I did on the day I moved in.....maybe it's me!


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## CMCR (21 Nov 2011)

liaconn said:


> I would love to live on a road like that again, but unfortunately moving is out of the question at the moment.


 
So would I - I grew up on a street where we knew everyone and it was reassuring that people kept an eye out for each other.  Last year before our wedding, we received many cards and gifts from those neighbours, even though I left home almost 20 years ago. 

We moved to our current address in September last year and don't know a soul here.  I remember though being particularly amused over the summer to receive a note from the Residents Association in the letterbox asking for donations to get the grass in communal areas cut, but it had no contact details!


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## Odea (21 Nov 2011)

Growing up I knew all my neighbours even the registrations of their cars. I also knew who had the best apples in their back gardens, and enjoyed many of them. As a result they all knew me.
When we bought our existing house we all got to know each other as we were all in the same boat complaining about the builder. We all had something in common. Now most people have gone their own way and nobody really speaks to each other any more except maybe for those who have young children attending the local school. I don't know if we would have much in common with each other as we are all at different stages of our lives.


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## Leper (21 Nov 2011)

Reading the posts on this subject has left me flummoxed on how Irish Living has declined. There are those who do not want any contact with anybody to those who want others to contact them and not the other way round. Then there are those who make contact.

During the Big Freeze last winter I organised an outside barbeque evening on our road. It was a great success, people came in coats, duffel coats, eskimo gear etc. There were all kinds, Eastern Europeans, Irish-Africans, an American, a Spaniard, some Irish. We had a great evening and a great laugh. Those whose pipes had froze suddenly had a supply of water from their neighbour whose pipes were not frozen. People suddenly had contact and we learned that those from outside Ireland are just the same as us. They learned the same. I am glad to say the contact is still there. Kids were brilliant, they have little inhibitions and break ice much better than us adults.

All it took was one leprous Paddy who went out on the frozen road and lit a barbeque, threw on some sausages, rashers, black puddings, burgers, onions, spuds, soup and everything I could get my hands on. Others arrived with beer, soft drinks, more food and above all, smiles, friendship, comradeship and handshakes. One even brought a guitar. People need contact and if we had more perhaps life would be better all round?


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## truthseeker (22 Nov 2011)

Leper said:


> During the Big Freeze last winter I organised an outside barbeque evening on our road.


 
You sound like a fun neighbour. If I did that I think most of my neighbours would walk past thinking there was something wrong with me!


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## Firefly (22 Nov 2011)

Our street has an annual Xmas night out which is a great way of keeping in touch with the (especially elderly) neighbours. It's in the rugby club next to us and is usually about 15 euro a head. There's a gas oul lad who plays tunes on an organ and there's finger food provided too along with a roaring fire. We call it the "Meet the Fockers" night!


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## Ceepee (22 Nov 2011)

Leper said:


> Kids were brilliant, they have little inhibitions and break ice much better than us adults.



Must have been useful on the night.


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## Bubbly Scot (23 Nov 2011)

I live on a back road in a rural area. We know our neighbours on each side, will stop for a chat, wave when passing and keep an eye on each others houses but we don't socialise. I'll call the farmer if I see one of his cows on the road, he'll cut my hedges when he does his own with his big machine. Everyone seems to like this even the one half a mile up the road who told my plumber that we seem like a nice family even though we don't go to mass!


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## flossie (23 Nov 2011)

I moved into a smallish estate last December in the middle of the bad weather. I put a Christmas card through everyones door introducing myself, giving mobile number etc. if they needed anything. It broke the ice with a few of them.

As I have gotten to know them better, we often call into each other's houses for a coffee or glass of wine. Occassionally we will go out for a few drinks. I have a couple of the neighbours keys, and vice versa, so if they are away on holiday I will call in, feed pets, open/close curtains etc. put milk in the fridge, and vice versa. Also the kids are great, and I will often take the kids for walks with me and the dog, get them washing my car (not child labout I hasten to add ).

In a couple of weeks I am having a Christams get together for everyone. 30 invites in neighbours houses to come round for wine, nibbles, music etc. About half have confirmed so far, with most getting baby sitters for the kids so we can have an adults night of it. 

Although I am the only one in the area with no partner or kids, I haven't felt excluded at all, and I think it is importnat to know the neighbours. Even from a security sense, as a few of us work form home and can keep track of any strangers walking around (although it rarely happens). I was worried when i moved in that it would be very lonely living here on my own, and that I wouldn't know the neighbours etc. but I guess I am very lucky to have found a great area.


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## micmclo (23 Nov 2011)

Bubbly Scot said:


> even though we don't go to mass!



Ha, some elderly rural people can be funnny like that with their judgements

My mother moved to the parish decades ago when she got married and some locals still refer to her as being from Offaly. 

You could live in some places for decades and decades and still be called a blow-in 

You nearly have to own family land in the area going back to the famine to be considered a local!


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## Mpsox (23 Nov 2011)

Moved into a new estate 4 years ago, neighbours on all sides are elderly and even though we're not and have 2 smallies, we've gotten to know them at a friendly superficial level, I've rarely been in their houses and vice versa. We're friendly with each other and keep an eye on each other and that suits me fine. There are a couple of rented houses in the streets and I've no idea who lives in them, and I remember when I was renting, I had no idea who my meighbours were either. I am a blow in though and my annual (well, almost annual) flying of the Cork flag for All-irelands does get commented on. Where I grew up in Cork, there are a number of families who came from kerry back in the 20s when the land commision was breaking up the estates. Even now, if their grand kids and great grand kids are playing in a match for the parish, you could still here comments like, "sure what would you expect, they know nothing about hurling in Kerry" or worse.


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## Leper (23 Nov 2011)

There are some good posts on here and some people have integrated into their new place of living.  Then there are those wet-day drips who dont want to know anybody and dont want anybody to know them.  Thats fine but wouldn't it be better to have a friendly appearance than one of I dont-wanna-know-you-whether-you-wanna-know-me-or-not.

Somebody asked how many telephone numbers you should have of your neighbours.  Well common sense is the answer here. Use your brains.

Nobody likes alarms ringing constantly.  But, it happens.  We dont want people parking their cars on double yellow lines or breaking red lights, but these happen. All of us cannot go through life with no upset along the way.  Get over it, smile, share your friendship and cop on (English newspapers, please copy).


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## DB74 (23 Nov 2011)

Leper said:


> Nobody likes alarms ringing constantly.  But, it happens.  We dont want people parking their cars on double yellow lines or breaking red lights, but these happen. All of us cannot go through life with no upset along the way.  Get over it, smile, share your friendship and cop on (English newspapers, please copy).



Seriously, you clearly have never been on the end of a house alarm ringing for days upon days on end with no sign of the owner. This is a little bit different from someone breaking a red light, the act of which lasts for max 2-3 secs.

People who treat their neighbours with a little bit of respect in the first place are the only ones worth knowing. Who wants to get to know someone who couldn't care less whether their actions make your life a misery.


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## Latrade (23 Nov 2011)

A thought struck me as I had to collect another parcel from the collection office, but is there a correlation between lack of neighbour integration and when An Post stopped leaving packages with neighbours? I remember not a million years ago never having to go to the sorting office as it was always left with a neighbour. 

Anyway, I'm in a new estate and it took a while to go beyond just the smiles and nods, but it got there eventually. I think in a broader context beyond just the immediate neighbors, someone set up a Facebook group for the estate and I think that's helped a lot. 

Events are now well organised and quickly so. Even better for me was the directory of different trades on the estate, real handy for some jobs. 

Of course not everyone's that involved, but I think now after 6 or 7 years, people are settled and there's a growing community spirit.


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## Leper (24 Nov 2011)

The more I read this thread the more I am losing confidence in what Ireland is turning in to.  Like I already said there are some Drips of people on here (get offended if you wish, but the truth is the truth).  You Drips are developing social problems for yourselves and will transfer onto your offspring that is if you can acquire a partner with your limited social skills.

Wake up, life is good, there is a world waiting to be explored out there.  Be a part of it.  Leave inhibitions behind and get involved in something local and live life and dont be governed by somebody's house alarm.


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## Odea (24 Nov 2011)

Leper said:


> You Drips are developing social problems for yourselves and will transfer onto your offspring that is if you can acquire a partner with your limited social skills.


 
I think that you have an underlying nastiness that you are masking with your false Bon Ami.


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## SlurrySlump (24 Nov 2011)

DB74 said:


> People who treat their neighbours with a little bit of respect in the first place are the only ones worth knowing. Who wants to get to know someone who couldn't care less whether their actions make your life a misery.


 
I agree 100%.


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## SlurrySlump (24 Nov 2011)

Leper said:


> During the Big Freeze last winter I organised an outside barbeque evening on our road.
> All it took was one leprous Paddy who went out on the frozen road and lit a barbeque,


 
So you only got to know your neighbours last winter?  I have known mine for years.


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## Bronco Lane (24 Nov 2011)

Leper said:


> Then there are those wet-day drips who dont want to know anybody and dont want anybody to know them. ..............  Use your brains................ Get over it....... and cop on


 
Good Lord. If you think this about other posters on AAM who have a different view to you, what do you think about those people who didn't turn up for your Bar B Q.


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## liaconn (25 Nov 2011)

Leper said:


> The more I read this thread the more I am losing confidence in what Ireland is turning in to. Like I already said there are some Drips of people on here (get offended if you wish, but the truth is the truth). You Drips are developing social problems for yourselves and will transfer onto your offspring that is if you can acquire a partner with your limited social skills.
> 
> Wake up, life is good, there is a world waiting to be explored out there. Be a part of it. Leave inhibitions behind and get involved in something local and live life and dont be governed by somebody's house alarm.


 
I can't say I'd fancy having you as a neighbour, with your judgmental attitude and self congratulatory back slapping.


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## truthseeker (25 Nov 2011)

I helped a neighbour today, and then the chit chat revealed theyre moving out. Back to the drawing board!


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## Grizzly (26 Nov 2011)

Saturday morning 8.30 a.m. and our inconsiderate neighbour just let their dog out to bark in their back garden. Some of us might like a lie in on a Saturday. This happens quite often. I'm not sure that I want to be friendly with these unaware people.


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## Teatime (26 Nov 2011)

liaconn said:


> I can't say I'd fancy having you as a neighbour, with your judgmental attitude and self congratulatory back slapping.


 
I think Leper has a point though. A few old people have told me in recent years that they are sad we lost our sense of community in the last 10-15 years. I think its worse in urban areas. People became self sufficient and self absorbed and the tall poppy syndrome became the norm amongst neighbours.


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## MrMan (27 Nov 2011)

Grizzly said:


> Saturday morning 8.30 a.m. and our inconsiderate neighbour just let their dog out to bark in their back garden. Some of us might like a lie in on a Saturday. This happens quite often. I'm not sure that I want to be friendly with these unaware people.


 
I'd say the dog might have needed more than a bark if he was locked in all night, 8.30 isn't that bad in fairness.


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## WaterWater (27 Nov 2011)

Leper said:


> During the Big Freeze last winter I organised an outside barbeque evening on our road. It was a great success, people came in coats, duffel coats, eskimo gear etc.


 
I hope that there were lots of summer BBQ's from your new friends to reciprocate your kind deed and that someone else will organise this years event and not leave it to you again.


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## Yorrick (27 Nov 2011)

You can pick your friends but not your neighbours. In the country it is different because families are on the land for years and know each others history.
In the city someone moves in to the estate and you dont know anything about their background. Try and be the nice welcoming neighbour and the next thing you find that Larry Murphy is your new neighbour or some person released after doing a stretch for drugs possession, child abuse etc etc.


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## ney001 (27 Nov 2011)

Yorrick said:


> Try and be the nice welcoming neighbour and the next thing you find that Larry Murphy is your new neighbour or some person released after doing a stretch for drugs possession, child abuse etc etc.



Yeah better off not speaking to anybody ever.... ya just never know!


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## JP1234 (27 Nov 2011)

When my son was younger I knew a lot more people, as there were plenty of children around his age. Most of them seem to have moved away now.  I know a lot of people to say hello and exchange pleasantries but I only really talk to the man next door, who has some health problems so we help him out when needed.

I used to get on well with the people on the other side but after she opened a creche/childminding service we have had to put up with the parents parking across or sometimes on, our driveway while collecting or dropping off, leading me to complain to the parents and herself on numerous occassions, it has somewhat soured that relationship!


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## liaconn (28 Nov 2011)

Teatime said:


> I think Leper has a point though. A few old people have told me in recent years that they are sad we lost our sense of community in the last 10-15 years. I think its worse in urban areas. People became self sufficient and self absorbed and the tall poppy syndrome became the norm amongst neighbours.


 

Don't get me wrong. I think its a shame that so many people nowadays lead such self contained lives and don't know their neighbours. It was Leper's comments I was objecting to.

I live in a modern estate and to be honest, if you don't have children you kind of get a feeling that you don't really belong. The only people I see mixing together are parents on the green with their small kids. I would love to move to a road where there was a better mix of age groups and lifestyles and more people who are at home all day and have an interest in the area. Unfortunately, with the current economic situation, that's not going to happen.


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## liaconn (28 Nov 2011)

MrMan said:


> I'd say the dog might have needed more than a bark if he was locked in all night, 8.30 isn't that bad in fairness.


 
I don't agree. 8.30 on a Saturday morning is an unfair time to be creating noise and waking people up. If you choose to keep a dog its up to you to make sure its not bothering the neighbours unreasonably.


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## TarfHead (28 Nov 2011)

Grizzly said:


> Saturday morning 8.30 a.m. and our inconsiderate neighbour just let their dog out to bark in their back garden. Some of us might like a lie in on a Saturday.


 
8:30 on a Saturday is a lie-in in my house  !

When we moved in to our house 11 years ago, one neighbour had two dogs, one of which barked constantly whenever we opened our back door. The neighbour thought this was a great deterrent against burglars and a positive for her and her neighbours. We did not .


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## horusd (28 Nov 2011)

@tarfhead, people who edit posts and then misspell typo


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## TarfHead (28 Nov 2011)

horusd said:


> @tarfhead, people who edit posts and then misspell typo


 
Evidently my sense of humour is different to yours


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## Complainer (28 Nov 2011)

liaconn said:


> I live in a modern estate and to be honest, if you don't have children you kind of get a feeling that you don't really belong. The only people I see mixing together are parents on the green with their small kids.



We live in that kind of estate. However, there are some older folk and some younger folk who go out of their way to mix, and their presence is greatly appreciated.


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## STEINER (29 Nov 2011)

Living in my place 5 years, know one person 5mins walk away.  As for immediate neighbours, we are in a duplex apt sharing a large common area with one other apt.  Its always been rented, 3rd set of tenants in now, just say hello when meet.


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## Bronco Lane (30 Nov 2011)

Leper said:


> People suddenly had contact and we learned that those from outside Ireland are just the same as us.


 
A bit "dripey" then?


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## muffin1973 (30 Nov 2011)

Myself and my husband have lived in a few different places over the last few years.  We’ve rarely gotten to know our neighbours and only nod and say hello to the ones either side of us. 

Cant’ stand the neighbours on one side anyway, they are noisy, they have kids who attract other kids, the sound of the football drives me nuts and there is nothing in the way of us and them – our front doors are right beside each other and they may as well be standing outside my front door screaming at each other.  So really I don’t want to know them - if we weren’t stuck in serious negative equity I would have been out the door years ago. Good fences make good neighbours!  My parents didn’t have many neighbours into the house either so I suppose I grew up not talking much to the neighbours although my mother is now great friends with the neighbours immediately around her....  Definitely think it’s more of a Dublin thing not to know your neighbours...


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## liaconn (30 Nov 2011)

I think its more a modern thing. I grew up in Dublin and everyone knew their neighbours. Probably partly because mothers didn't work and were at home all day and had plenty of time to become friendly with other people on the road. Nowadays a lot of people are only at home in the evenings and spend their weekends rushing around getting shopping and housework done and trying to find time to visit family and friends. Neighbours end up slipping down the list of priorities.


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