# Legal separation or Divorce?



## aoc (27 Jun 2012)

Separated for almost 3 years - finally (yes i know) getting around to sorting either a separation or divorce - ultimately do i need to get a separation if the intention is long term to get a divorce?

have to sort mortgage etc as ex. is still named tho i am paying all.
and want to sort maintenance properly... 

what should be my first step... do i list all my questions and contact solicitor? do i need a solicitor if we can sort all ourselves?
should i start the ball rolling with mortgage if we can come to agreement? 
sorry lots of questions, but ex. is quite happy to let it all float along as is....


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## Time (27 Jun 2012)

> ultimately do i need to get a separation if the intention is long term to get a divorce?


No. There is no need for a judicial separation first.


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## iscritto (27 Jun 2012)

> Separated for almost 3 years - finally (yes i know)


You have plenty of time as in Ireland you have to be separated for 4 of last 5 years before you can get a divorce. You can get a legal/judicial separation after one year.  



> Do i list all my questions and contact solicitor?


Always a good plan.



> do i need a solicitor if we can sort all ourselves?


No, you can complete yourselves or search google etc for DIY divorce and use them. However you may need sols in relation to the mortgage and maintenance if you cant agree. Also if either of you have pensions. 



> should i start the ball rolling with mortgage if we can come to agreement?



Yes, sooner the better. 



> sorry lots of questions, but ex. is quite happy to let it all float along as is....



No need - I have gone through both so pm if I can help.


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## ger49 (27 Jun 2012)

Separated for almost 3 years - finally (yes i know) getting around to sorting either a separation or divorce - ultimately do i need to get a separation if the intention is long term to get a divorce?GO FOR SEPARATION AND DIVORCE TOGETHER. YOU ARE SEPARATED 3 YEARS BUT YOU COULD HAVE BEEN SEPARATED BUT STILL LIVING TOGETHER FOR 2 YEARS PREVIOUS TO THIS DATE AND THEREFORE MEET DIVORCE REQUIREMENTS. YOUR EX PARTNER WOULD HAVE TO SAY THIS IS THE CASE

have to sort mortgage etc as ex. is still named tho i am paying all.
and want to sort maintenance properly... I PRESUME YOU ARE REFERRING TO SPOUSAL MAINTENANCE.YOU CAN VOLUNTEER  MAINTENANCE BUT YOU WILL NOT GET TAX RELIEF. ONLY WITH A COURT ORDER FOR MAINTENANCE CAN YOU GET TAX RELIEF. 

what should be my first step... do i list all my questions and contact solicitor? do i need a solicitor if we can sort all ourselves?NO YOU DO NOT NEED SOLICITOR
should i start the ball rolling with mortgage if we can come to agreement? YES
sorry lots of questions, but ex. is quite happy to let it all float along as is....


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## aoc (28 Jun 2012)

so - do you therefore have to wait 5 years before you can start divorce  proceedings? or do you start after the 4th year? i'm not going to ask  him, he still thinks we are going to get back together.....

also - if going through a solicitor and we had everything sorted and  agreed could we use the same solicitor and not pay twice the fees? how  much approx would divorce cost or is it dependent on factors? one person  told me she got charged €7k for her divorce and taking her ex's name  off deeds... i def do not have that sort of money.

does the mortgage have to be sorted before we can get a divorce?

Maintenance - no, we have a child together, he pays me €40 per week and  nothing towards mortgage, insurances life or otherwise or anything to do  with the house. i have asked him to up the maintenance but he says he  can't afford it, i think he thinks i am spending it all on myself, which  couldn't be further from the truth.  
I earn more than him - does this have any bearing on spousal maintenance? would i be entitled to this? 

in relation to the mortgage he has said he will sign the house over to  me without any financial settlement - this was fine 3 years ago, but he  made no steps to doing it either. now the house is in negative equity  and i don't really want to take over his debt too... what should i do?  he thinks that as he doesn't live there anymore that his responsibility  to it had ended completely.


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## aoc (28 Jun 2012)

another thing - i do have a pension in work - which at the mo would be split 50/50 with him and our daughter - i don't foresee any problem with signing it all over to her.... i assume this is possible?


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## iscritto (28 Jun 2012)

> so - do you therefore have to wait 5 years before you can start divorce proceedings? or do you start after the 4th year? i'm not going to ask him, he still thinks we are going to get back together.....



End of 4th year, - from my understanding the 4 out of 5 is to cover if you have a "trial" breakup and get back together but does not work.



> also - if going through a solicitor and we had everything sorted and agreed could we use the same solicitor and not pay twice the fees? how much approx would divorce cost or is it dependent on factors? one person told me she got charged €7k for her divorce and taking her ex's name off deeds... i def do not have that sort of money.


Could do but you need someone with your best interested at heart. It can be expensive if you both don't come to agreements on the mortgage etc easily. Sols will give you a breakdown of costs day one but only an idea of the final bill amount. 


> does the mortgage have to be sorted before we can get a divorce?


 Ideally but judge will if you can't agree 



> Maintenance - no, we have a child together, he pays me €40 per week and nothing towards mortgage, insurances life or otherwise or anything to do with the house. i have asked him to up the maintenance but he says he can't afford it, i think he thinks i am spending it all on myself, which couldn't be further from the truth.
> I earn more than him - does this have any bearing on spousal maintenance? would i be entitled to this?



You will both need to submit a sworn statement of incoming/outgoings, provide bank statements, payslips etc. Again sols will try to come to an arrangement if not happening judge will.

The more letters/conversations sols are involved in the more it will cost in the end. Also the big cost can be the time in court. If you have all the items sorted before court, it is a 10 mins thing, if not it can take more time. 



> in relation to the mortgage he has said he will sign the house over to me without any financial settlement - this was fine 3 years ago, but he made no steps to doing it either. now the house is in negative equity and i don't really want to take over his debt too... what should i do? he thinks that as he doesn't live there anymore that his responsibility to it had ended completely.



Could look at :

Trying to get bank to reduce payments for a while and fingers crossed that things will pick up and house will not be in NE in a few years.  NE only really matters if you want to sell.

Sell house, ( if bank agree) split shortfall 50/50... but then you have to rent.

Hand back the house to bank, again split shortfall 50/50 ... but again you have to rent.

This is a big decision and I suggest you get more info from sols etc on this even if you use DIY divorce.


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## iscritto (29 Jun 2012)

> another thing - i do have a pension in work - which at the mo would be split 50/50 with him and our daughter - i don't foresee any problem with signing it all over to her.... i assume this is possible?



You will need a pension adjustment order... part of divorce and cost more money


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## aoc (2 Jul 2012)

ok... so i can start proceedings from Sept next year... seems like a lifetime away....... but so be it.

so we need to try and agree re: - House, maintenance, pension thing and we have kinda custody agreed between us. Do i need to contact the pension company in the meantime? 

in relation to me making a will - can i at the moment sign my policies  / pension over to our daughter in case anything happens to be before it is all sorted? bit morbid maybe... but i have to have spinal surgery in sept and just being realistic.... 

does the solicitor have to be involved in the maintenance sworn statement?? is this if we cannot agree between ourselves.  how many months of bank statements do you have to provide? i just feel that he is shirking his responsibilities and getting a bit fed up of it. 

i have made initial contact with the bank in relation to a payment break and starting the separation ball rolling. if i hand the house back - would i ever get a credit rating again to buy (just in case).
do i need the banks permission to sell the house? say owe 165, would prob only get 110, if we agreed to split or apportion the ne would this be possibly agreeable?

also... in relation to NE would the solicitor take into account that i have paid the mortgage on my own for over 2 yrs and apportion more of the NE to ex? and when we split we had €15k debt - i paid 10 of this and he paid 5....  would this be taken into consideration?

i am thinking that i would be better renting, i would be at least €400 better off every month.....


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## iscritto (2 Jul 2012)

> Do i need to contact the pension company in the meantime?


 yep, no harm in doing this to let them know.



> in relation to me making a will - can i at the moment sign my policies / pension over to our daughter in case anything happens to be before it is all sorted? bit morbid maybe... but i have to have spinal surgery in sept and just being realistic....


 Yep you can, even without a separation on the cards this is a good idea. 



> does the solicitor have to be involved in the maintenance sworn statement??


 if you agree yourselves then you can use a Commissioners for Oaths to sign the docs instead of sols.



> is this if we cannot agree between ourselves. how many months of bank statements do you have to provide? i just feel that he is shirking his responsibilities and getting a bit fed up of it


. 12 months, payslips and p60. 



> i have made initial contact with the bank in relation to a payment break and starting the separation ball rolling. if i hand the house back - would i ever get a credit rating again to buy (just in case).


Not 100 sure on this - might be one to talk to bank on



> do i need the banks permission to sell the house? say owe 165, would prob only get 110, if we agreed to split or apportion the ne would this be possibly agreeable?


 Yep you do - they have the deeds so you will need to let them know when you get an offer. Bank wont care who pays the shortfall as long as its paid. You could ask the judge to help on this.



> also... in relation to NE would the solicitor take into account that i have paid the mortgage on my own for over 2 yrs and apportion more of the NE to ex? and when we split we had €15k debt - i paid 10 of this and he paid 5.... would this be taken into consideration?


  everything is up for negotiation.


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## aoc (3 Jul 2012)

Perfect! iscritto... thanks so much for all the info!!!

i am making my list of things to do. 
hav the startings of a will drafted in my diary

If we are just using the commissioner of oaths for the maintenance sworn statement do we still need all the bank statements etc - there would be no issue with mistrust, i know he will be open and honest about his earnings etc. 

the NE is where i foresee the prob.. i imagine ex thinks i will takeover all debt.... nyways that will be an interesting conversation!


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## iscritto (3 Jul 2012)

Glad to help 

No need for bank statements if your doing it yourselves and sometimes no need with solicitors either... my ex insisted I supply 12 months bank statements and payslips .... I think he must of thought I won the lotto and was hiding it... I wish.

Best of luck.


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## aoc (4 Jul 2012)

Interesting - well i don't think it would be like that, all is very amicable - well at the moment anyways will be interesting though cause he always tell me he can't afford to contribute more to necessaries for our daughter!

haha we all wish!


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## Wishes (4 Jul 2012)

iscritto said:


> You will need a pension adjustment order... part of divorce and cost more money


 
Hi Iscritto,

How difficult is it to obtain a pension adjustment order?

Also can one be sought without a divorce in place?


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