# Boss asking if I was pregnant!



## footsteps (28 Jan 2008)

Was out at a social doo at the weekend and my boss was there, and because I wasn't drinking alcohol came out and asked me if i was pregnant and when I said no - he just kinda said oh just wondering cause you know i'd be delighted if you were. .  .!!
At the time i laughed it off but today I am just little peeved at him asking!
Out of complete curiosity :
Would this be against eqaulity legislation? 
Or because it was not in work setting would be seen as  'friendly banter'?

Like I say I am just curious!


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## ClubMan (28 Jan 2008)

Seems like an odd thing to come out with (presumably?) out of the blue.

Was the social do funded or arranged by work? If so then it would constitute a workplace environment (there is legal precedent on this as far as I know) so the normal workplace rules would apply. If a manager asked the same question in work then I would imagine that it could easily be classified as objectionable and potentially discriminatory.

If you think that it was anything other than just personal/private banter/conversation then there may be grounds for taking it further. I am not recommending this but just outlining what I believe your rights to be.


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## footsteps (28 Jan 2008)

Thanks.
Haven't a notion of taking further regardless, but am very curious as I wouldn't mind bringing it to his attention as I know he knows better.
It wasn't a work doo, just happened  to be in the same place at the same time!


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## ClubMan (28 Jan 2008)

He may still have some responsibility and you some rights in such a situation. However if you just want to flag with him that you found it inappropriate or whatever then why not just have a quiet word with him? 

Did you not think of telling him to mind his own business at the time?


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## footsteps (28 Jan 2008)

Well I was so stunned to be honest that i answered and started giving an excuse as to why I wasn't drinking, before i actually realised what he had asked! 
I feel he is knows it is only a matter of time (i'm 2 years married!) and was curious himself and knew that he couldn't ask me at work!

I will be having a quiet word for sure but would like to be clear on the position first.

Ta.


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## ClubMan (28 Jan 2008)

How big is the company? Maybe you should consider dealing with the issue via _HR _if applicable and if you don't feel comfortable dealing with it face to face. Again I am not recommending this and reckon that a quiet word face to face probably could well be the most appropriate way the way to deal with this. But a lot depends on the two parties dealing with this honestly and maturely which may not always be possible!


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## MrMan (28 Jan 2008)

Why the need for anything? You have your rights and you don't need to go bending his ear to remind them. Are you being over sensitive, in that at the time it didn't seem inappropriate. I would just let it go, think of the times you have spoken to colleagues in an innocent fashion, but if put under the microscope could be construed as discriminatory etc. Curiosity killed the cat!


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## TDON (28 Jan 2008)

Hi, I think your boss was completely inappropriate and downright rude. He made use of the social occasion to take you off your gaurd. And whilst you may wish to haul him over the coals and I don't blame you, you need to ask yourself, "am I going to make matters better or worse?". 

Rising above his complete ignorance may in the long run make things less stressful for you at work, especially if you _are_ planning on having a baby. 

So have a good think about it first and maybe just be happy with the fact, that everyone sees him as a total moron. How and ever, keep the details in a diary.


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## Purple (28 Jan 2008)

People who work for me ask me personal questions and I ask them personal questions and guess what; we answer each other. 
We also socialise together and slag each other and we all manage to work together in a professional and friendly environment.
You met someone you know in a social setting away from work and they asked you if you were pregnant. What's the big deal?
Maybe the guy was just curious.
Jasus, I'm glad I don't work with you!


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## michaelm (28 Jan 2008)

IMHO this is a non-issue and is best forgotten.


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## TDON (28 Jan 2008)

Purple said:


> People who work for me ask me personal questions and I ask them personal questions and guess what; we answer each other.
> We also socialise together and slag each other and we all manage to work together in a professional and friendly environment.


 
Any jobs going?


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## Purple (28 Jan 2008)

Not if asking an innocent question results in people asking what their rights are!
We've all worked hard over the years to avoid a "Them and Us" mentality and maintain an atmosphere of mutual respect. It only takes one person with that sort of attitude to screw the whole thing up.


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## sam h (28 Jan 2008)

If it's a once off, I'd drop it. People can be over-sensitive and world is becoming just too PC, but I do know that this can be a sensitive area for various reasons (unable to conceive, may not want kids, relationship difficulties etc). 

Abit of banter & craic is fine so long as someone doesn't overstep the mark and from what you say, this doesn't seem to be an on-going issue with your boss, so I reckon you should cut him some slack. 

If you really feel put out, just a quiet word in his ear should do the trick.


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## ClubMan (28 Jan 2008)

Purple said:


> Not if asking an innocent question results in people asking what their rights are!
> We've all worked hard over the years to avoid a "Them and Us" mentality and maintain an atmosphere of mutual respect. It only takes one person with that sort of attitude to screw the whole thing up.



Damn inconvenient when the serfs actually have the cheek to query, understand and maybe enforce their statutory employment rights, don't you agree old bean? Sites such as this should obviously be banned:

[broken link removed]



sam h said:


> If you really feel put out, just a quiet word in his ear should do the trick.


I agree - with emphasis on the bit in red.


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## TDON (28 Jan 2008)

Purple said:


> Not if asking an innocent question results in people asking what their rights are!
> We've all worked hard over the years to avoid a "Them and Us" mentality and maintain an atmosphere of mutual respect. It only takes one person with that sort of attitude to screw the whole thing up.


 
 Purple, I'm joking with you.!!!  Hence the smiley face and the stick out tongue face. You are not normally like this and I always think your answers are very well balanced and witty. I can only assume you are having a particulary bad Monday. Hope it gets better. And that its being genuine, so if it comes across as sarcastic cos I'm writing it, it isn't meant to.

You say you've all worked hard for years to achieve what you have in work. That's why I asked "any jobs?. Cos it must be genuinely terrific to have such a great working environment, and if as you say you've all worked hard to get there, then its not something that comes easy and hence not an environment that everyone works in. You are very fortunate.


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## efm (28 Jan 2008)

My boss asked me how my kids were doing and when I said they were great, and so was my partner, he said "so it must be time for another one?" - is this against equality legislation?


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## Purple (28 Jan 2008)

TDON said:


> Purple, I'm joking with you.!!!  Hence the smiley face and the stick out tongue face. You are not normally like this and I always think your answers are very well balanced and witty. I can only assume you are having a particulary bad Monday. Hope it gets better. And that its being genuine, so if it comes across as sarcastic cos I'm writing it, it isn't meant to.
> 
> You say you've all worked hard for years to achieve what you have in work. That's why I asked "any jobs?. Cos it must be genuinely terrific to have such a great working environment, and if as you say you've all worked hard to get there, then its not something that comes easy and hence not an environment that everyone works in. You are very fortunate.


Apologies, but I would hate to think that an employee would get all legal on me because I offended them with an innocent question.


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## Purple (28 Jan 2008)

efm said:


> My boss asked me how my kids were doing and when I said they were great, and so was my partner, he said "so it must be time for another one?" - is this against equality legislation?



Yea, it must be. Sue his ass off!!!


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## ClubMan (28 Jan 2008)

efm said:


> My boss asked me how my kids were doing and when I said they were great, and so was my partner, he said "so it must be time for another one?" - is this against equality legislation?


Did he mean another child or another partner?


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## efm (28 Jan 2008)

ClubMan said:


> Did he mean another child or another partner?


 
Hey - I never thought of that - I think I'll sue him twice!!


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## ney001 (28 Jan 2008)

I can think of a few occasions over the years when I was asked this by my boss when I wasn't drinking or didn't want a pint after work - it's said in a jesting way but there's also a serious note to it.  I have to say it doesn't bother me in the slightest.  In fact, I tend to wind him up and pretend that I am.  If the guy had come to you in work and said 'are you pregnant' then I would be a bit more upset, but if it's in a social setting and was just idle banter then I wouldn't worry about it and I certainly wouldn't make a big deal about it.  It's all just a bit too PC for me - just my opinion


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## Purple (28 Jan 2008)

ney001 said:


> I can think of a few occasions over the years when I was asked this by my boss when I wasn't drinking or didn't want a pint after work - it's said in a jesting way but there's also a serious note to it.  I have to say it doesn't bother me in the slightest.  In fact, I tend to wind him up and pretend that I am.  If the guy had come to you in work and said 'are you pregnant' then I would be a bit more upset, but if it's in a social setting and was just idle banter then I wouldn't worry about it and I certainly wouldn't make a big deal about it.  It's all just a bit too PC for me - just my opinion


Be careful of someone will insinuate that you are elitist and seeking to exploit people...


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## Dicette (28 Jan 2008)

I understand why the OP found it uncomfortable and she why reacted initially as she did - she was caught off-guard.

Personally it would bother me even if a member of my family asked me the same question - it's a very personal topic. 

It would definitely bug me if a work colleague asked me. Having said that I wouldn't formally complain, but I would let them know that I thought it inappropriate.


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## Armada (28 Jan 2008)

Hi Purple,

As an employer too I fully echo your sentiments of striving to create a harmonious workplace.  


I have been asked similiar personal questions by my staff over the years on nights out and indeed on the job too... Can I sue them???


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## ClubMan (28 Jan 2008)

Armada said:


> I have been asked similiar personal questions by my staff over the years on nights out and indeed on the job too... Can I sue them???


The question at the heart of this thread is as inappropriate when posed by an employee to an employer or manager as it is if posed the other way in my opinion. Neither the original poster nor anybody offering any *constructive *advice mentioned anything about suing anybody. That issue was raised by some people poo-poohing the idea that the question might be inappropriate and inferring that any sort of querying of it is a gross overreaction by namby-pamby _PC _ridden employees...


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## davidoco (28 Jan 2008)

My employers are doing a survey asking everyone about disabilities etc. You must put your name down. 
I wonder if the boss asked everybody on the night out if they were pregnant would he be covered?


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## ClubMan (28 Jan 2008)

Why? Pregnancy is not a disability. What has that got to do with this query?


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## Purple (28 Jan 2008)

ClubMan said:


> The question at the heart of this thread is as inappropriate when posed by an employee to an employer or manager as it is if posed the other way in my opinion. Neither the original poster nor anybody offering any *constructive *advice mentioned anything about suing anybody. That issue was raised by some people poo-poohing the idea that the question might be inappropriate and inferring that any sort of querying of it is a gross overreaction by namby-pamby _PC _ridden employees...


 The OP asked if it was against equality legislation and another poster advised that the OP keep the details in their diary. You advised that the OP should approach HR with the issue. I do not understand why a question asked in a social setting away from work would warrant such a reaction. You are obviously of a more legalistic mindset than I and we will have to agree to differ.
I still resent the insinuation in you last response to my post.


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## Armada (28 Jan 2008)

Ok.. Point taken Clubman..

But it still seems to me to be a little OTT to be discussing this on an internet forum. If the employee is that genuinely upset perhaps it would be better to discuss it with her employer or to have voiced her grievance at that time.

I bet her employer would prefer to really know how sensitive his employee is for future reference. I would hate to think that my employees would turn to a message board for advice... that said I always try not to cross the line on personal issues.


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## Thirsty (28 Jan 2008)

Purely from the point of view of manners, it is not polite to ask someone if they are expecting - even if it seems glaringly obvious to you that they are.  

If a woman wants you to know, she'll tell you; if she's excited about it, she'll tell the whole country!  

Otherwise myob.


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## davidoco (28 Jan 2008)

Clubman, could my employer ask everybody say twice a yeah if they were pregnant? Its seems just as fair as asking if I have a disability


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## sam h (28 Jan 2008)

ClubMan said:


> some people poo-poohing


 
Are Huggies required.....or just hugs....??


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## ClubMan (28 Jan 2008)

Purple said:


> You advised that the OP should approach HR with the issue.


No I didn't. Try reading my post again.


ClubMan said:


> How big is the company? Maybe you should consider dealing with the issue via _HR _if applicable and if you don't feel comfortable dealing with it face to face. Again I am not recommending this and reckon that a quiet word face to face probably could well be the most appropriate way the way to deal with this. But a lot depends on the two parties dealing with this honestly and maturely which may not always be possible!





> I still resent the insinuation in you last response to my post.


What are you on about?



Armada said:


> But it still seems to me to be a little OTT to be discussing this on an internet forum. If the employee is that genuinely upset perhaps it would be better to discuss it with her employer or to have voiced her grievance at that time.


They were looking for feedback. That's what such forums are for.


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## ClubMan (28 Jan 2008)

davidoco said:


> Clubman, could my employer ask everybody say twice a yeah if they were pregnant? Its seems just as fair as asking if I have a disability


Depends on the nature of the "survey" I suppose.


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## sam h (28 Jan 2008)

davidoco said:


> Clubman, could my employer ask everybody say twice a yeah if they were pregnant? Its seems just as fair as asking if I have a disability


 
AFAIK, an employer can not ask if anyone is pregnant....the employee must advise the employer 4 weeks before maternity leave, but I don't think the employer can ask as a routine question (I think there may be an exception if the person works in an environment which could be hazzardous to the person/child).  Some people say nothing to work until they are 6 or 7 months pregnant.


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## Purple (28 Jan 2008)

ClubMan said:


> Damn inconvenient when the serfs actually have the cheek to query, understand and maybe enforce their statutory employment rights, don't you agree old bean? Sites such as this should obviously be banned:
> 
> [broken link removed]


No, I don't agree. I think that everyone is entitled to be treated with respect and comments should be taken in context. If everyone lived by the letter of the law employees would be fired more often and employers would be sued much more often. 
The era of doffing you cap to anyone, employer, churchman or local squire are long gone and I would much rather work in an environment were my employee tells me to get lost and mind my own business if I overstep the mark than work in one where I could not have a personal relationship with the people I spend my working day with.
I would also rather work in one where people can be helped through personal problems without having to refer to their contract to see if there is some way of avoiding giving them that help.

...but you seem to disagree. 

_edit: re-posting after editing due to self edited bad language. _


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## Armada (28 Jan 2008)

Completely off topic I suppose Clubman... but I 'd love to know is the OP looking for advice during her working hours?


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## Purple (28 Jan 2008)

ClubMan said:


> No I didn't. Try reading my post again.


 Fair enough.



ClubMan said:


> What are you on about?


This: 


ClubMan said:


> Damn inconvenient when the serfs actually have the cheek to query, understand and maybe enforce their statutory employment rights, don't you agree old bean? Sites such as this should obviously be banned:
> 
> www.employmentrights.ie


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## ClubMan (28 Jan 2008)

Purple said:


> _edit: re-posting after editing due to self edited bad language. _


Why the confused emoticon? You clearly breached posting guideline 10 first time around (and not for the first time!) so your post was removed.



Purple said:


> This:


Posted slightly tongue in cheekily.


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## Purple (28 Jan 2008)

ClubMan said:


> Why the confused emoticon? You clearly breached posting guideline 10 first time around (and not for the first time!) so your post was removed.
> 
> 
> Posted slightly tongue in cheekily.



The insinuation was still there, might be a bit close to attacking the person and not the point? Posting guideline 10 perhaps?


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## Purple (28 Jan 2008)

ClubMan said:


> Why the confused emoticon? .


 More the confused explanation than confusion about the posting breach, lots of use of the word edit.


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## Brendan Burgess (28 Jan 2008)

Let's go back to the original question and see what the answer is:



> Out of complete curiosity :
> Would this be against equality legislation?
> Or because it was not in work setting would be seen as  'friendly banter'?
> 
> Like I say I am just curious!



My view is that it is not against the Equality Legislation. My understanding of it is that an employer may not discriminate against someone because they are pregnant. 

There is no suggestion here of any discrimination. 

If your employer is in the process of considering your for promotion and offered the job to someone else and you were pregnant, then you might have some grounds for a complaint. 

I have been asked questions in social settings by friends and by strangers which have been inappropriate. I am sure that I have asked people inappropriate questions. It's not illegal. It's inappropriate. You seem to get on well with your boss. Treat him like any other friend who asked you if you were pregnant and tell him that you would prefer if he did not ask you again. 

In social settings where someone who usually drinks is not drinking, their friends will often ask them why? Women do unfortunately get asked this, with an expectant smile in the eyes of the questioner. 

Brendan


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## mathepac (28 Jan 2008)

TDON said:


> Hi, I think your boss was completely inappropriate and downright rude. He made use of the social occasion to take you off your gaurd. And whilst you may wish to haul him over the coals and I don't blame you, you need to ask yourself, "am I going to make matters better or worse?".
> 
> Rising above his complete ignorance may in the long run make things less stressful for you at work, especially if you _are_ planning on having a baby.
> 
> So have a good think about it first and maybe just be happy with the fact, that everyone sees him as a total moron. How and ever, keep the details in a diary.


I agree with TDON.  The remark was as stated  "inappropriate and downright rude". In my view it was also sexist, seeking to attribute your decision not to drink to a gender specific reason, rather than the rational decision of another human being.

In a social setting, it was also none of his business. As your boss he has a right to know if you are pregnant, but he has no right to ask, particularly in  these circumstances.

In your original post you said you were a "little peeved" - I'd be fuming, and I think TDON's last 2 sentences above contain great wisdom.


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## sandrat (28 Jan 2008)

I am pregnant and during the first trimester I was off sick for a while with bad vomiting and dehydration. My direct manager knew i was pregnant because she saw me running to vomit every half hour and guessed. However when she was ringing in one to day to tell the main boss that I was out sick she was asked straight out was I pregnant. She was caught off guard and had no choice but to say yes. Left me in an awkward situation with everyone knowing when i came back and then everyone knowing when I had a threatened miscarriage at 11 weeks. thankfully everything went ok and I am now 6 months pregnant but it can be a very strange experience. We didnt tell our families until I was 12 weeks but my whole workplace knew before them!


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## footsteps (29 Jan 2008)

Well am I not shocked to see the response here!!

Considering I had no notion of suing etc! It is a bit like chinese whispers!

I am literally just curious (have no cats so not worried.

No I am not pregnant but boss seems to think I should  be and yes there is a promotion involved some time in the next twelve to eighteen months.

I did not ask for advice any where, I was just asking out of curiousity people's thoughts.

I am not asking on work hours, I just off a twelve hour night shift thank you very much!


Yes, I was peeved at his lack of maturity at asking, seeing as I am the only employee young enough (under 50) to be starting a family and one of the main employees!! LIke i said I am only curious for my own knowledge, I am not saying anything to boss, it doesn't need to be said and I am content with that.

But by the responses here it shows that it is a very grey area and I do feel he purposely caught me off guard, as it was out of the blue and not like we had been talking kids or anything!


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## michaelm (29 Jan 2008)

davidoco said:


> My employers are doing a survey asking everyone about disabilities etc. You must put your name down.


Put down Tourettes and Narcolepsy.  You can then sleep on the job and if anyone wakes you you can tell them to feck off with impunity.


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## MrMan (29 Jan 2008)

> In my view it was also sexist, seeking to attribute your decision not to drink to a gender specific reason, rather than the rational decision of another human being.


Well he could hardly ask a fella if he was pregnant!



> I think TDON's last 2 sentences above contain great wisdom.


Isn't hero worship against the posting guidelines aswell?



> No I am not pregnant but boss seems to think I should be and yes there is a promotion involved some time in the next twelve to eighteen months.



I didn't see how you came to the conclusion that he thinks you should be pregnant. The scenario I have built in my mind is that ye met on a non work related night out, boss is unsure on how to converse with an employee and proceeds to put his foot in it. Most men would steer clear of the subject for fear of a backlash and I would think most bosses would also steer clear given the 'environment' we live in today. Looks like your ready to forgive and forget so good for you.


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## william1000 (29 Jan 2008)

Footsteps, ask yourself this. If you told your boss (at work or otherwise) that you were pregnant and he told you he was delighted for you, would you be checking your legal rights?
And another question. If you had no intentions of taking things further, why are you even checking your rights?
By the way, my wife wasn't drinking one night. Friends asked "Are you pregnant?". She said yes and they WERE delighted.


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## polly2000 (29 Jan 2008)

It doesn't sound as if he he purposely caught you off gurard. It was a chance meeting outside of work, he asked you if you wanted a drink and when you said no he jumped to the wrong conclusion! it was an innocent mistake on his part but he did put it right by saying he would be delighted if you were pregnant. I wouldn't have read anything more into it than that.


 I do feel he purposely caught me off guard, as it was out of the blue and not like we had been talking kids or anything![/quote]


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## footsteps (29 Jan 2008)

As I said I am shocked at responses/interest. 
I am only curious.
I have forgotten/forgiven whatever. I am in no ways, upset, annoyed etc now over what happened, I was just a little peeved!
If I was awfully interested in that aspect(LAW) i would have posted this in the Ask about law section but I am not, I am curious about what is over the line what isn't. 

I do think it is interesting though to see all the sides of the issue, which is the only reason I posted this!



> he asked you if you wanted a drink


Where did I say this?
He came over seen I wasn't drinking and just asked me straight out (in front of many) if I was pregnant! No small talk there! I would be out not drinking more than I drink and he knows this! I just found it so strange as I see him out reguarily and then he pipes up with this! 
If he was offering to buy I wouldn't have asked him for a ballygowan! It would have been something stronger and then the world would end!





> Footsteps, ask yourself this. If you told your boss (at work or otherwise) that you were pregnant and he told you he was delighted for you, would you be checking your legal rights?
> And another question. If you had no intentions of taking things further, why are you even checking your rights?  By the way, my wife wasn't drinking one night. Friends asked "Are you pregnant?". She said yes and they WERE delighted.


 
It is not that I am checking my legal rights, I am curious surely this is allowed, I found it strange wanted to hear what others think, that is it.
We live in a society in which people sue for everything and I hate it, so I am interested to see that some people actually would over something as simply as this (even if I do think it is none of his bees wax)


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## beautfan (29 Jan 2008)

Regardless of any laws no one should ask any woman if they are pregnant.  The only acceptable time would be if you thought they were in labour and even at that only ask them if they require medical assistance.


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## Purple (29 Jan 2008)

beautfan said:


> Regardless of any laws no one should ask any woman if they are pregnant.


 Even their mother?


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## Caveat (29 Jan 2008)

What first came to mind for me was that the boss maybe likes a good time - and a pint or 2 - and likes everyone to join him. On seeing the OP not drinking his disappointment/incredulity led to him blurting out the question.

My guess is that he didn't/doesn't actually even want to know whether the OP is pregnant or not - it was just an ill judged remark. A bit undiplomatic. Similar maybe to asking someone if they are on a diet, should they turn down the offer of a really good desert/cake etc.


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## beautfan (29 Jan 2008)

Purple - really what I'm trying to say is don't ask anyone if they are expecting ....  I was asked once when I was wearing the fashionable at the time smocks and wasn't the better of it for a long time...


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## casiopea (29 Jan 2008)

Hi OP,

Here in Switzerland I did an interview for a job and I was asked, did I plan on getting pregnant.  I remember being shocked at the time and I answered the question.  I got home and got googling - from what I could work out at the time; it is not ok in Ireland to be asked this by your potential employer but it is ok here in switzerland.  Not exactly the same situation but I do think that your employer was technically in the wrong putting that question to you and Id agree with Clubman where he said a quiet word face to face would be appropriate.

To everyone else discussing banter etc.  be very careful in including pregnancy in the work place banter.  Pregnancy is very very private for some (all?) people.  For a lot of women there is terrible heartbreak and worry involved in trying to getting pregnant, getting pregnant and miscarriage, getting pregnant and being terrified of miscarriage, these scenarios are not uncommon - and pregnancy talk is not banter.  It is very very private - it is not an appropriate work colleague conversation in jest or otherwise .



> Even their mother?


Because mothers have gone through this, they are surprisingly sensitive.  I wouldnt mind my mother asking me if I was pregnant but she never has.  Many of my friends mum's are the same.


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## truthseeker (29 Jan 2008)

as a woman of child bearing age in a long term relationship I can confirm there is nothing more annoying than people asking you are you pregnant if you decide to not have a drink, wear a smock, put on a few pounds over xmas, rub your lower back cos you twinged it in bed, rub your belly cos you have a cramp, etc....

An Italian waiter in a London restaurant greeted me with the words 'ahhhhh - when is the bambino due???' when wearing one particular item of clothing, needless to say it hasnt been worn since.


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## ney001 (29 Jan 2008)

beautfan said:


> Purple - really what I'm trying to say is don't ask anyone if they are expecting ....  I was asked once when I was wearing the fashionable at the time smocks and wasn't the better of it for a long time...



Never a good idea for a man to ask a woman if she is pregnant simply because she has a bit of a 'belly' or in your case is wearing baggy style attire, however this is a bit different to asking someone if they are pregnant because they are not drinking.  As caveat quite rightly stated this is similar to asking if somebody is on a diet because they refuse dessert and in my experience, particularly with men they don't actually care whether you are pregnant or on a diet for that matter - they are simply making a comment - thats it!


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## TDON (29 Jan 2008)

MrMan said:


> Isn't hero worship against the posting guidelines aswell?


 

Well, I'm chuffed, needless to say. It's nice to get a compliment and for someone to appreciate what you have to offer.   The same way as I thanked you most sincerely for your advice yesterday.   You were wonderful


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## Dicette (29 Jan 2008)

Purple said:


> Even their mother?


 
I am close to my mother, but she would not even ask me that - she respects my privacy.

I think the only people who should ask if someone is pregnant are

1. Woman's partner/husband
2. Woman's GP
3. If a woman is about to undertake an activity that she shouldn't if pregnant - and it that case the info should be soliticed through a form - eg blood donation, bungee jumping, some forms of exercise.


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## Purple (29 Jan 2008)

Speaking as one half of a couple who spent three years trying to have a child, with the IVF and miscarriages etc, I know all about the sensitivities around pregnancy. I still don't see how an employer asking a stupid question in a non-work setting is any different from anyone else asking the same question. People have asked my the most incredibly insensitive questions but I ask myself what their motive was and unless it was blatantly nasty then I ignore it and get on with my life.


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## footsteps (29 Jan 2008)

Curiosity Satisfied.

Over and Out.


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## casiopea (29 Jan 2008)

Purple said:


> Speaking as one half of a couple who spent three years trying to have a child, with the IVF and miscarriages etc, I know all about the sensitivities around pregnancy. I still don't see how an employer asking a stupid question in a non-work setting is any different from anyone else asking the same question. People have asked my the most incredibly insensitive questions but I ask myself what their motive was and unless it was blatantly nasty then I ignore it and get on with my life.



Hi Purple,
Im empathetic, we have been in the same boat. As a woman I am not comfortable (and dont understand) why a male work colleague would ask such a question.  Like has been clearly stated above, we arent talking about suing people here - we are talking about letting the person know that while you appreciate they didnt mean any harm the question is not appropriate.  Also if for some reason I unwittingly asked something that was inappropriate/caused offence I would want to know.


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## TDON (29 Jan 2008)

Anyhow, I still think this is a very personal question and one that you shouldn't ask. It's not even a question that I'd pose to close friends and relatives because it is such a personal time for the people involved and even if you have your suspicions, you still let them tell you when they are ready to tell you.

Its just one of those questions you don't ask because its rude. The same as if someone wants to brag about how much they earn - fine - let them on, but you don't come out and ask someone how much they earn, or how much they owe on their house or is their child a bit slow, cos you see them doing silly things or is your wife an alcoholic or your husband a gambler. You might be curious about all these things, but to be polite, you just don't ask. You keep schtum!


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## Brendan Burgess (29 Jan 2008)

As no one has sought to answer the original question, we are drifting into Letting Off Steam territory and as "footsteps" has signed off, I am closing this thread.

Brendan


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