# barring order questions



## sillypup (12 Oct 2010)

Im 22 living at home and my mum has just applied for a barring order against my dad.

In the past my mom has admitted to cheating on dad and even using drugs but they did try and work throgh it. Needless to say that didnt work and now they just try and stay out of each others way and act like a bitter married couple from a TV show.

Two weeks, after my mom came home at 4am with no explanation they did get into a argument, nothin g bad, no voilence or even threat of voilence. As far as I can tell there has never been any voilence between the two ever. They both just yell and stay away from eachother untill they have time to cool off.

Wel,l after that argument later in the week we get a letter and she has applied for a barring order against him.

My dad is currently looking for a solicitor.

Can he fight this? and will the fight cost a arm and a leg? 

I hear horror stories that basically all the women has to do in this situation is say "domestic violence" in court and they will side with them.

Do me and my sister have any say in this? (we are both over 18) can we make a statment or something?

Im sure they could come to a less messy seperation but my Mon doesnt want to hear about it. She just wants to drag my dad through the dirt and I have no doubt will lie to do it so she can "win".  it sickens me.

so some info on the two 

both parents work.

dad works full time and pays the bills. rent, TV, phone and so on.

mom works part time in a local supermarket but doesnt pay any bills around the house. 

so yeah any advice would be great. we are all kind of worried.


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## truthseeker (12 Oct 2010)

sillypup said:


> I hear horror stories that basically all the women has to do in this situation is say "domestic violence" in court and they will side with them.


 
This absolutely does not happen. There has to be evidence (not just word of mouth) - evidence of Garda reports, doctors reports etc...

Its unlikely your mum has obtained a barring order, its more likely to be a protection order - which means if there WAS violence she could have your father removed from the property asap and change the protection order into a barring order easily.

I know this probably isnt what you want to hear - but yourself and your sister would be best placed to stay out of it - its their relationship and taking sides etc...causes awful bad feeling later. Plus, you never know the true story of what goes on in someone elses relationship so just be aware of that as well.

You say in your post that your dad works and pays the bills and your mum works part time and doesnt pay the bills - but if she is working part time then her household contribution is probably much larger in terms of chores, cooking etc... All couples have to come to agreement about how the house is run and who pays what - and much as you see what you see - you are not part of that agreement - its your mum and dads situation.

At 22 probably the best course of action for you would be to try and get your own place and maintain seperate relationships with both your mum and dad and not become involved in any arguments between them. I know its hard to bear but its THEIR relationship.


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## redbhoy (13 Oct 2010)

This is an awful situation you are being put in by your parents, mainly your mother who seems unreasonable really.
My advice is to not take any advice on wannabe counsellors on here and do as you feel is right.  You are part of 'THEIR' relationship whether they like it or not so you are bound to be involved regardless of what course this matter takes.
I dont think you're taking sides and you only want to see whats right being done and if one of your parents was to think you're taking sides, well its time for them to grow up. 
I hope this all works out as best as it can for you and your sister.


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## missdaisy (13 Oct 2010)

I don't think truthseeker was speaking like a "wannabe counsellor". I think it is good avice that children should stay out of their parent's relationship.

OP, if your mother has applied for a barring order it's likely a protection order is in place at the moment, as truthseeker said. A date would then be given for the hearing of a barring order. Your dad should be advised to see a solicitor and take their advice.


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## redbhoy (13 Oct 2010)

missdaisy said:


> I I think it is good avice that children should stay out of their parent's relationship.


 
Have you experience of a broken parental relationship?


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## missdaisy (13 Oct 2010)

I won't be answering that question.


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## alaskaonline (13 Oct 2010)

redbhoy said:


> This is an awful situation you are being put in by your parents, mainly your mother who seems unreasonable really.
> My advice is to not take any advice on wannabe counsellors on here and do as you feel is right.  You are part of 'THEIR' relationship whether they like it or not so you are bound to be involved regardless of what course this matter takes.
> I dont think you're taking sides and you only want to see whats right being done and if one of your parents was to think you're taking sides, well its time for them to grow up.
> I hope this all works out as best as it can for you and your sister.



+1 agree with you.


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## missdaisy (13 Oct 2010)

The OP's father should be taking the advice of a solicitor on how best to defend the barring application. The OP should advise his/her dad of this and the solicitor's advice should then be acted on.


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## truthseeker (13 Oct 2010)

redbhoy said:


> This is an awful situation you are being put in by your parents, mainly your mother who seems unreasonable really.


 
You are only hearing one side of the story - you have no idea if the OPs mother is being unreasonable or not.



redbhoy said:


> My advice is to not take any advice on wannabe counsellors on here and do as you feel is right.


 
If you are referring to me as a 'wannabe counseller' I take exception to that as a personal remark - I simply expressed my opinion on the situation.



redbhoy said:


> You are part of 'THEIR' relationship whether they like it or not so you are bound to be involved regardless of what course this matter takes.


 
Children have relationships with their parents. They are not part of the relationship between two parents. Married adults should conduct their personal affairs without involving their children.



redbhoy said:


> I dont think you're taking sides and you only want to see whats right being done and if one of your parents was to think you're taking sides, well its time for them to grow up.


 
Again - you are only hearing one side of the story.

Asking another poster if they have experienced a broken parental relationship is irrelevant - people are entitled to their opinions regardless of their personal experience.


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## redbhoy (13 Oct 2010)

Hi Truthseeker,

I wasnt referring to you personally. Too many people have opinions on stuff they havent a clue about or havent experienced. I know we're only hearing 'one side' of the story so its hard to comment which was my point. I referred to the unreasonable mother as thats what the OP stated. 

RB


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## truthseeker (13 Oct 2010)

redbhoy said:


> I wasnt referring to you personally.


 
Appreciate that Redbhoy.

No ones personal experience is going to tally exactly with what is going on in the OPs life - all situations are different.

I was speaking very generally on it being a good idea to stay out of other peoples (parents or any other couple) personal relationships - it never works. There are 2 people in a marraige - they are the only ones who can sort it out.


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## redbhoy (13 Oct 2010)

truthseeker said:


> Appreciate that Redbhoy.


 
Tá fáilte romhat 

I agree but they should take into account their offsprings feelings and how the split affects them.


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## truthseeker (13 Oct 2010)

redbhoy said:


> I agree but they should take into account their offsprings feelings and how the split affects them.


 
They _should - _and its possible that one of them is - or its possible one is playing the victim - very very difficult to say from just one post telling one view of the situation.


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## fender (13 Oct 2010)

truthseeker and redbhoy -

You guys are bickering more than sillypups parents and are going to traumatise him further!


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## sillypup (31 Oct 2010)

redbhoy said:


> This is an awful situation you are being put in by your parents, mainly your mother who seems unreasonable really.
> My advice is to not take any advice on wannabe counsellors on here and do as you feel is right. You are part of 'THEIR' relationship whether they like it or not so you are bound to be involved regardless of what course this matter takes.
> I dont think you're taking sides and you only want to see whats right being done and if one of your parents was to think you're taking sides, well its time for them to grow up.
> I hope this all works out as best as it can for you and your sister.


 
right on.

"unreasonable" would be the nice way of putting my mother.  


needless to say after talking to some real legal people we know there are no grounds for a barring order but she is still going for it.  

the court date is this week and I will be in the court house,   if I need to give a statment (which I have said I would to both my mom and dad) I will give my view of events which is basically there is no grounds for a barring order and my parents should go for a seporation.  


hope for the best I guess.  would be nice to see them both happy.


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## ziltwo (1 Nov 2010)

sillypup said:


> right on.
> 
> "unreasonable" would be the nice way of putting my mother.
> 
> ...



best of luck sillypup... you also deserve a bit of happiness; I hope it goes well for all of you...
zil


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## Thirsty (1 Nov 2010)

> there is no grounds for a barring order...


That's what the judge will decide, not you. All you can do is answer the questions you are asked.



> ...and my parents should go for a seporation _(sic)_


Again not for you to decide, your parents will make that choice - it generally involves at least one parent leaving the family home, but that is for them to work out.

The only thing you can do, and stay sane and on good terms with both your parents, is to leave them sort this out themselves.   It could take up to 2 years to agree settlement terms for a Judicial Separation; do you really want to be in the middle of this situation for all that time?


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## evac (15 Nov 2010)

I went to get a barring order against an abusive ex before. All i had to say to the judge that he's violent and I'm scared for my safety and straight away the judge granted a protection order. Which means he has to stay away from me until the court date for a barring order. Which was 3 months later. In the end I didnt go through with it but Im pretty sure the judge will need some sort of evidence for the barring order.


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