# Remortgaging to finance a wedding



## Perty (18 Jul 2007)

I'm due to get married next year and we were considering remortgaging our house to finance the wedding.  We bought the house about a year and a half ago and took out a mortgage of EUR315k over 35 years on a 3yr interest only rate.  

Is this a mad idea, would I be better off financing the money some other way?


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## Sunny (18 Jul 2007)

Perty said:


> I'm due to get married next year and we were considering remortgaging our house to finance the wedding. We bought the house about a year and a half ago and took out a mortgage of EUR315k over 35 years on a 3yr interest only rate.
> 
> Is this a mad idea, would I be better off financing the money some other way?


 
No offence but I think you are mad! Can you not save for a wedding?


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## CCOVICH (18 Jul 2007)

You would be much better off saving as much as possible first.

You need to take a hard look at your finances, especially if you have gone interest only on an owner occupier mortgage.


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## ClubMan (18 Jul 2007)

I would also advise caution. You are on a very long term and have not paid off any capital on the original loan as you are paying interest only. If your loan to value ratio (loan amount as a percentage of the property value) is high then this is another warning sign. Topping up the mortgage to fund he wedding sounds, on the basis of the partial info posted, to be a bad idea as you would be digging yourself into even more debt. Maybe I'm wrong and your means/income is more than enough to cover you but if that was the case then (a) you probably should not be borrowing so much, for so long and only paying interest and no capital and (b) you should be able to save or otherwise fund the wedding from your income. Also remember that unless you clear this topup over a few years rather than 30 odd years then you will be paying for your wedding for decades to come and the cost will probably exceed what it would have cost elsewhere and certainly what it would have cost by clearing the topup sooner.


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## shanesgal (18 Jul 2007)

Hi Perty

Most of my friends that have got married have said that they received most of the cost of the wedding in the form of wedding gifts so could you save as much as possible and get a loan as near to when it is required as possible and repay as much as possible of it soon after the wedding.


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## ClubMan (18 Jul 2007)

What is your rough budget for the wedding?
How much do you both earn (gross)?
Do you have any debts other than the mortgage?
Do you have any savings/investments?


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## Perty (18 Jul 2007)

Thanks for all the advice. At the moment we are on about EUR110k joint gross income.  Our only other payments besides our mortgage are a car loan of EUR150 per month and our utility bills, food etc. We haven't paid off any of the capital on our mortgage.  I estimate that we would need about EUR20k for the wedding.  My parents are refusing to let us ask for cash as gifts for the wedding as they see it as being rude.  I have about EUR15k from SSIA payments but my fiance has no savings.


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## swordshead (18 Jul 2007)

Perty said:


> we would need about EUR20k for the wedding. My parents are refusing to let us ask for cash as gifts for the wedding as they see it as being rude. I have about EUR15k from SSIA payments but my fiance has no savings.


As far as i can see this is a no-brainer! You need 20k, you have 15k already, you both seem to have v good salaries. Surely saving 5k between now and next year wouldnt be that difficult. As you said, you have very few major overheads. Theres no way id be remortgaging for that amount.


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## Morgause (18 Jul 2007)

Perty said:


> My parents are refusing to let us ask for cash as gifts for the wedding as they see it as being rude.



No offense but perhaps that is an old fashioned way of looking at things?  A lot of people prefer to give cash as it is more useful to a young couple, particularly a couple who already have set up home together and have plenty of saucepans and bedsheets (and whatever the other usual wedding gifts are).


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## shanesgal (18 Jul 2007)

I think you need to be increasing your mortgage by a minimum of €20,000 if you are remortgaging anyway.  €5000 over a year is less than €50 a week each to save anyway.  Most people nowadays seem to give cash gifts as wedding presents anyway so you won't need to ask for them.


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## ClubMan (18 Jul 2007)

swordshead said:


> As far as i can see this is a no-brainer! You need 20k, you have 15k already, you both seem to have v good salaries. Surely saving 5k between now and next year wouldnt be that difficult. As you said, you have very few major overheads. Theres no way id be remortgaging for that amount.


Sounds reasonable to me.


Perty said:


> My parents are refusing to let us ask for cash as gifts for the wedding as they see it as being rude.


Why are you letting your parents dictate to you what you do on your big day? 


> At the moment we are on about EUR110k joint gross income. Our only other payments besides our mortgage are a car loan of EUR150 per month and our utility bills, food etc. We haven't paid off any of the capital on our mortgage.


Why are you on interest only by the way since it looks like you can well afford to be making capital and interest repayments on the mortgage?


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## LadyJane (18 Jul 2007)

Please don't ask for money as a gift for your wedding. If people want to give you money, fine. But if you can't afford the wedding and need to ask your guests to pay their way (shock horror) then best to have a low key, tasteful affair or to get married abroad with a small wedding and have a big party for everyone else when you get back. 

20k sounds like a lot of money to drop on one day for you if you can only afford an interest-only mortgage. Just saying...


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## CCOVICH (18 Jul 2007)

Get the €5k from your parents.  Tell them you will repay them with all the lead crystal, toasters, blenders and dinner sets they want in 12 months time.

Seriously, I would have thought that people are more than likely to give you cash anyway.

Save your money to cover the shortfall.  Then, once you are married change your mortgage to an annuity and make life easier for yourselves in the long-term.


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## pc7 (18 Jul 2007)

god don't top up your mortgage to pay for one day for the next 35 years, just save. You won't need to ask for cash majority of people give gifts of money/vouchers and I think it'll look nice that your not asking for cash people will more likely give it that way. I know that's how I feel when I get invites. still surprised with such good earning power in your household why you haven't considered saving, do you live the highlife!!


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## South (18 Jul 2007)

pc7 said:


> god don't top up your mortgage to pay for one day for the next 35 years, just save. You won't need to ask for cash majority of people give gifts of money/vouchers and I think it'll look nice that your not asking for cash people will more likely give it that way. I know that's how I feel when I get invites. still surprised with such good earning power in your household why you haven't considered saving, do you live the highlife!!


 
Being perty is not cheap these days


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## pc7 (18 Jul 2007)

ah i take it they boyf loves his sun fx, manicures, pedicures, ghd styling products etc  he'll be robbing your limelight on the big day!


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## csirl (18 Jul 2007)

> Why are you on interest only by the way since it looks like you can well afford to be making capital and interest repayments on the mortgage?


 
Good question. Are we missing a vital piece of information? 315k mortgage is very modest for couple with 110k income. Why arent you able to pay it off? Is there some outgoing expense we are missing?


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## z104 (18 Jul 2007)

I think your parents are correct about not asking for cash. Besides being rude it will almost certainly back-fire on you. I was at a wedding recently where the invites went out asking for "brown envelopes only" jokingly. Alot of people were offended, some didn't turn up and alot of people who were going to give cash went out of their way to buy a "gift" intead of the cash. Weddings are an expensive day out for the guests too!!

110K gross is a good salary and should allow plenty to pay off capital and interest especially when you only have one car loan.  I think you should spend your own money. It's your big day afterall. If you don't want to spend much you could always go to a registry office. But if the party and white dress is important then spend your own ssia money.


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## susie1 (18 Jul 2007)

Perty said:


> At the moment we are on about EUR110k joint gross income.


 and you can't afford to pay outright for your wedding, surely you have a stash of cash hidden somewhere



Perty said:


> Our only other payments besides our mortgage are a car loan of EUR150 per month and our utility bills, food etc.


 why have you got a car loan if the only expenses you have are mortgage and utilty etc...



Perty said:


> We haven't paid off any of the capital on our mortgage.


 why not?



Perty said:


> I estimate that we would need about EUR20k for the wedding. My parents are refusing to let us ask for cash as gifts for the wedding as they see it as being rude.


 its none of their business, you could say something like 'cash gifts welcome, at guests disgression'



Perty said:


> I have about EUR15k from SSIA payments but my fiance has no savings.


 mabe reconsider marrying her, i gather she has a healthy income also and must be 'blowing' it somewhere if she has no savings'


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## CCOVICH (18 Jul 2007)

susie1 said:


> mabe reconsider marrying her, i gather she has a healthy income also and must be 'blowing' it somewhere if she has no savings'


 
Why assume that perty is a man?


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## pc7 (18 Jul 2007)

yeah I thought she was a girl, the joins of technology


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## susie1 (18 Jul 2007)

Perty said:


> Thanks for all the advice. At the moment we are on about EUR110k joint gross income. Our only other payments besides our mortgage are a car loan of EUR150 per month and our utility bills, food etc. We haven't paid off any of the capital on our mortgage. I estimate that we would need about EUR20k for the wedding. My parents are refusing to let us ask for cash as gifts for the wedding as they see it as being rude. I have about EUR15k from SSIA payments but my fiance has no savings.


 


CCOVICH said:


> Why assume that perty is a man?


 
well, i'm looking at a computer screen - using my imagination and just thought Perty was a man (someone above thought Perty was a woman..) i didn't notice any reference to the sex of the poster.  on another note, CCOVICH i also assumed that you are Male...am i correct


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## z104 (18 Jul 2007)

I gathered that perty was a girl who didn't like spending her own money (ssia) and would prefer to have her husband and herself to take out a top up mortgage rather than spend "her" money. Marriage usually means what belongs to you also belongs to your husband and vice versa.  Could be wrong though..!


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## pc7 (18 Jul 2007)

what's yours is mine and whats mine is mine  he he only joking niallers  for a day like a wedding totally agree whatever ya have each goes in the pot for the big day, unless your dad's jp !


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## CCOVICH (18 Jul 2007)

susie1 said:


> well, i'm looking at a computer screen - using my imagination and just thought Perty was a man (someone above thought Perty was a woman..) i didn't notice any reference to the sex of the poster.


 


			
				perty said:
			
		

> I have about EUR15k from SSIA payments but my fiance has no savings.


 
Fiance=male
Fiancée=female

Don't know too many pert males either


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## Thrifty1 (18 Jul 2007)

LadyJane said:


> Please don't ask for money as a gift for your wedding. If people want to give you money, fine. But if you can't afford the wedding and need to ask your guests to pay their way (shock horror) then best to have a low key, tasteful affair or to *get married abroad with a small wedding *and have a big party for everyone else when you get back.
> 
> 20k sounds like a lot of money to drop on one day for you if you can only afford an interest-only mortgage. Just saying...


 
We got married abroad with 26 guests and it cost us over €20k, so the old "its cheaper to get married abroad" isnt always true.
You wont need to ask for cash gifts we have all hear Eddie Hobbs and most people give them anyway.

Use the SSIA and save the remaining approx €5k.


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## susie1 (18 Jul 2007)

CCOVICH said:


> Fiance=male
> Fiancée=female
> 
> Don't know too many pert males either


 
sadly not everyone knows A - the difference between the two (i know several people who spell it without any e's in it lol) and B - how to do the Fada thing on a computer

your teeth are lovely btw


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## swordshead (18 Jul 2007)

susie1 said:


> how to do the Fada thing on a computer


Hold down the Alt Gr button and press "e"


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## Headachecity (19 Jul 2007)

I am at a total loss as to this mad spending on one day!. Especially with such good salaries and not paying any capital off your mortgage you really need to keep this as low key as possible if you can't control your money!. Sorry to be blunt but from what you posted it seems that way!!

We got married last year, very low key, 26 guests and had a fab day as did our families and friends. We got married in a small church outside Wicklow and had our meal/music etc in a fab hotel and partied all day & night. Guests still talk about the meal it was so fab. Our wedding all in incl photographer, dresses, etc cost €7k!!!. It's the way to do it!.
Also, we jointly earn €100k, bought a house recently for €380k on 3 years fixed (wouldn't dream of going interest only!), have 2 kids under 5 and alot of expenses but we have a great life too, it's all about cash management, control and cop on really!!.
Sorry but I am astounded that you would remortgage for a wedding!!, just talked my sister out of it so hopefully you will do the same!!.

Good luck. (BTW, I think the OP is female and needs to stop shopping in BT's, Pennys and H&M is just as good love!!)

Also, it is rude to ask for cash gifts, we didn't but must admit we did get cash from all guests which is great, but it's very off putting to put it on an invite. I would get you a voucher for Dunnes Stores for spite!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!


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## Nige (19 Jul 2007)

susie1 said:


> and
> its none of their business, you could say something like 'cash gifts welcome, at guests disgression'


 
Please, please DON'T do this as:

A - there's a spelling mistake and
B - it's still asking for cash which is very rude and will most likely backfire.

Like Headachecity I got married last year. We fed and watered about 120 guest and it cost us less than 7k. 

Fine, have the 20k wedding if you want, but only if you can afford it. Risking your house to pay for one day is mad.


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## dubmick (19 Jul 2007)

you would be amazed at how many people re mortgage for silly reasons. I know a couple who have re mortgaged twice in two years (they own the house 3 years), first to get rid of their car loans and go on a holiday to the states and the second to build an extension. They have a four bed house and no children!


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## ClubMan (19 Jul 2007)

dubmick said:


> you would be amazed at how many people re mortgage for silly reasons. I know a couple who have re mortgaged twice in two years (they own the house 3 years), first to get rid of their car loans and go on a holiday to the states and the second to build an extension. They have a four bed house and no children!


The second reason isn't that silly. The first may not be unless they end up paying for their cars and holidays over decades.


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## dubmick (19 Jul 2007)

I'll have to disagree with you here. They own the house less than 3 years and they have remortgaged twice!It is a four bedroom house. It's a 35 year mortgage so they are now paying off two car loans and a holiday off over 35 years. Madness.


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## ClubMan (19 Jul 2007)

I said it's not necessarily madness to use equity in the property to replace higher cost loans with a lower cost topup as long as the latter is cleared in a similar period or at lower overall cost to the original loans. Paying for a car or holiday over 35 years is indeed madness.


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## Bronte (20 Jul 2007)

If my kids (in the future) put a request for cash gifts on the invites I'd refuse to go. Out of respect for me their parent I would not expect them to do this.  It may be their wedding but it will be relations of the parents who are also present.  It's highly insulting.  

OP I think you should use the ssia and save the balance, or have a 15K wedding now. Also you need to start repaying capital on your mortgage.  Can't understand how a bank would let you on interest only.


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## Trish2006 (20 Jul 2007)

We remotgaged a couple of years ago to finance gas heating, new kitchen and double glazing.  We only had the mortgage about 3 years at that stage but it was done on the basis that the ssia would mature in 2 years and we'd pay it off then.  It probably cost the same as a personal loan but the repayments we had to make were only €100 pm instead of about €400 so it worked well for us. But there's no way we'd have left it for the duration of the loan.

My wedding 4 years ago cost about 7k (excluding 3k honeymoon) and we saved for it.  That was for 80 people.  I'd never pay for one day over years and anyone I know who has done that has regretted it.  Not at the time but 5 years later when they realise they're still paying for it.

And with those salaries and no other significant loans why are you paying interest only??  Have you got a great social life you don't want to give up?  Have a kid, that'll sort out your priorities for you.


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## ClubMan (20 Jul 2007)

Aileen2 said:


> If my kids (in the future) put a request for cash gifts on the invites I'd refuse to go.


At what age would you feel it's time for your children to make decisions for themselves?


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## shirley_d (20 Jul 2007)

I'm economising and I am managing to spend 20K on Honey Moon and wedding,130 people 4 course meal with choice. if you want to know how send me a private message.


I'm saving Like mad for it. I would have gotten a credit union load to bridge a few grand if needed, but I'm looking good at the moment. 

We are slowlely on the way to become one of the most indebted people in the world and its not healthy, only spend what you can afford.

As for Gifts, say nothing, offer no wedding list and don't ask for money. A lot of people will give money anyway because they don't know what to get.

When asked my Sister is hinting at it to those who won't be offended and those I know are tight for cash I'll offer a cheap present suggestion.

20K is a tight budget depending on the size of the wedding, I'll give you any tips you need but as you have 15K already your sorted to have the money.

If your worried about putting all the money in yourself, remember that your whole life is a long time and there will be many time when tables will turn and you'll be supported by the other half. Swings and round abouts.


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## Perty (20 Jul 2007)

Thanks for all the advice.  I'm seriously going to reconsider remortgaging now.

Our main problem is that my fiance is on half the salary I'm on but insists on paying for half the wedding (i.e. I'm on about 73k and he's on 35k gross) .  At the moment he is struggling to get by paying half the mortgage, bills, loan and credit card every month.  I could probably afford to pay for the whole wedding using my savings but I don't think he'd allow that.  He feels that if we pay the cost over the life of the mortgage it will be less impact on him.


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## ClubMan (20 Jul 2007)

Perty said:


> Our main problem is that my fiance is on half the salary I'm on but insists on paying for half the wedding (i.e. I'm on about 73k and he's on 35k gross) .  At the moment he is struggling to get by paying half the mortgage, bills, loan and credit card every month.


So why doesn't he borrow from you (maybe at 0%) rather than from the bank at 5% over 30+ years? You could get him to sign up for 30 years of ironing or something in lieu of interest. 


> I could probably afford to pay for the whole wedding using my savings but I don't think he'd allow that.  He feels that if we pay the cost over the life of the mortgage it will be less impact on him.


 Only if he takes the short term view (e.g. monthly repayment amount). If he looks at the total cost of the credit over the 35 years then he may get a shock. Use Karl Jeacle's mortgage calculator to work this out but as far as I can see €20K at 5% over 35 years will cost a total of c. €42K (the original capital of €20K plus c. €22K interest).


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## lorna (20 Jul 2007)

my cousin got married recently in co. cavan.  they had about 320 guests, apparently they were given 36,000 euros in cheques and cash, that should pay for a few dinners !!!?? - self financing from what i see.


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## Butter (20 Jul 2007)

If you're getting married why does your fiance feel he has to pay half?  It's a joint event so surely your joint pot of money pays for the day.  What happens in the future if you want to buy a tele? Do you each pay half the cost?  When you're married I would have thought you share your joint income.  In some cases the man will earn more and in some cases it'll be the woman but it all pays for your house/bills/kids.  Might be a more sensitive subject for a man than a woman though.


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## Winnie (20 Jul 2007)

Think you need to have a discussion about finances.  I used to earn less than hubbie & so I contributed less to joint expenses - I earned 1/2 what he did so I contributed 1/2 what he did.  Now we are earning the same we both pay the same, in a few years I will prob earn more & will contribute more..............

Think he needs to put his pride away as it will cost you both more in the long term.


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## losttheplot (21 Jul 2007)

Just think of the marriage ceremony, two separate lives becoming one....etc and apply it to your finances (two incomes become one). It will probably pay for itself anyway.

You can justify paying a larger share as the bride usually receives all the attention anyway and will have higher preparation costs (dress, hair specialist, makeup artist). The groom just needs to be washed/shaved, given clean underwear and socks and he's ready to go.


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## ClubMan (21 Jul 2007)

losttheplot said:


> The groom just needs to be washed/shaved, given clean underwear and socks and he's ready to go.


If you're feeling particularly generous you might deign to give him shoes and a suit too.


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## PM1234 (21 Jul 2007)

Go all out and splash out on a shirt too 

On a more serious note (and because I'm very curious) why aren't you saving more on your salaries?


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## Sarn (21 Jul 2007)

Could you not change your current spending habits to try and save more money for the wedding?

On your current salaries you must be pulling in ~€5K net between the two of you each month. Your mortgage repayments would be about €1400 ish, say €1600 including the car loan. That leaves a lot of money for other regular outgoings.


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## cnu (3 Sep 2007)

I would keep things very simple.  A simple marriage I mean.  You know the most important thing is peace of mind [even if it means a less pompus wedding].  

In short, dont topup if u badly want the 20k for wedding, wait up!


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## annR (3 Sep 2007)

Why don't you suggest to your fiance that he save as soon as he can to contribute his share, but that if he doesn't have enough, you will pay it but on condition that you get more of the cash gifts afterwards for yourself to make up for it.

It's daft I know but might be acceptable to him if he really wants things to be evenly distributed.


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## infinity (3 Sep 2007)

As a few people said you need to conider your total income as one income. At various stages in your life one or other is going to be earning more.

Myself and my wife just have a fairly simple method of dividing money....

(income - (outgoings + savings) / 2) = disposable income each

A few years ago my wife was earning more than me. At the moment my wife is on maternity leave and didn't want to feel as if I was 'giving' her money every month. The above arrangement works out fine for us no matter who is the main breadwinner at any given time.

You need to get an arrangement in place that you both feel comfortable with - no point in borrowing money over a long period (at big cost) so one partner feels like they are paying 'their half'.

About the whole cash for wedding presents thing, you will find that a lot of people will give cash anyway (roughly half of our guests did). And if someone asks 'what would you like' - ask for one of the post office "All For One" vouchers - they can be spent in most shops. (Guest is happy, you are happy and mammy is happy !!)


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## Guest111 (3 Sep 2007)

I think it's a matter of what's in good taste...in my opinion specifying on the invitations that you only want cash is bad etiquette. If that's what you want it's best to let that be known through the grapevine (i.e. the mothers!) Most people will actively find out if there's anything in particular the couple want...I think this is the best way to handle the situation.


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## mayway (5 Sep 2007)

I think that it would be incredibly rude to ask for cash.

Traditionally presents are given to the newly married couple to help get them started on their way. When I am invited to a wedding then if they already are setup with their own home and have all the furnishings then they don't really need a leg-up to get started so I would just give them a token gift of no real monetary value. Giving cash is incredibly tacky.

The Eddie Hobbs approach to getting married where it is seen as some kind of cash cow is obscene and people who participate in it aren't really in it for the marriage.


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## ClubMan (5 Sep 2007)

mayway said:


> The Eddie Hobbs approach to getting married where it is seen as some kind of cash cow is obscene and people who participate in it aren't really in it for the marriage.


... in *your *opinion. Others may disagree.


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## sheena1 (5 Sep 2007)

mayway said:


> I think that it would be incredibly rude to ask for cash.
> 
> Traditionally presents are given to the newly married couple to help get them started on their way. When I am invited to a wedding then if they already are setup with their own home and have all the furnishings then they don't really need a leg-up to get started so I would just give them a token gift of no real monetary value. Giving cash is incredibly tacky.


 
Personally I would consider giving a token gift of no monetary or sentimental value to be very mean. You dont know the financial circumstances of any couple looking in from the outside so you cannot presume that they don't need a leg-up. You don't know how they financed the wedding. I would consider it very bad manners to accept an invitation from a couple and then give a gift of a dust-collector! Cash in this day and age is not tacky. Giving gifts of tea-sets and duvets when a couple already have a home is not very thoughtful IMO.


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## outspann (5 Sep 2007)

I must be living on a different planet to some of the posters here: the logic behind giving a "token gift of no real monetary value" purely because the couple have already bought a house escapes me. Have you not seen the price of property in Ireland these days?? Surely this is the very time that you should be helping out.

As for not giving cash... I always thought that the point of giving was to try and figure out what the "receiver" would most want. If that happens to be cash, then I'll give cash. If what they want is a "token gift of no monetary value", then that's what I'll look for. I'm not convinced that I should make a point of giving something that I know they don't want. And I certainly would have no right to be annoyed if my "token gift" doesn't take pride of place on their mantelpiece.


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## mayway (5 Sep 2007)

Wedding gifts were traditionally a leg-up for a young couple starting out on their lives together. Typically this would mean renting and saving together until they had enough money for a deposit for a house and then they would buy.

You find sometimes that now people are already buying houses before they get married and then get married afterwards as a way of raising cash. This is the obscene Eddie Hobbs-esque part.

The next time you are at a wedding take a look around at the very expensive trappings that the happy couple have splashed out on for 1 day and adjust any gift accordingly. I've been to many weddings which have obviously costs 10's of thousands to stage and if the couple in question are already living in their own house/apartment then I think I'm justified in saying they don't need the money.


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## Lydia (5 Sep 2007)

Hi Mayway,
I bought a house around this time last year with my boyfriend. We are getting married next year and I can assure you that we are not getting married as a way of raising cash. We are getting married because we love each other and want to make that lifetime commitment to each other.

I have no intention of asking for cash or gifts of any sort when we get married but obviously all gifts will be gratefully accepted. 
As another poster mentioned you canot tell from looking in from the outside how much money a person has. Just because the couple have their house (more than likely mortgaged) does not mean they do not need money.


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## Sunny (5 Sep 2007)

mayway said:


> You find sometimes that now people are already buying houses before they get married and then get married afterwards as a way of raising cash. This is the obscene Eddie Hobbs-esque part.
> 
> .


 
I never heard of marriage been used as a opportunity to raise cash...My girlfriend should have used that argument on me years ago!  

I don't know whats tacky about cash. Its what I would want.


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## aircobra19 (5 Sep 2007)

mayway said:


> ...You find sometimes that now people are already buying houses before they get married and then get married afterwards as a way of raising cash. This is the obscene Eddie Hobbs-esque part....



Thankfully I haven't had any experience of a wedding like that. Have you?

I would say more often people live together for a while, get on the property ladder as early as they can. Then if its all worked out decide to formalise their partnership, or do the church thing. Whatever floats their boat. I've seen weddings where couple requested no gifts/money etc. Family and close friends will know whats appropriate anyway. sometimes its traditional to gift or give money and it would offend to refuse. Each to their own.


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## aircobra19 (5 Sep 2007)

Sunny said:


> ...I don't know whats tacky about cash. Its what I would want.



Sometimes its often more appropriate than 5 toasters, from the "gift buying challenged" when you quite like the one you have, or money is tight for a couple.


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## Sunny (5 Sep 2007)

aircobra19 said:


> Sometimes its often more appropriate than 5 toasters, from the "gift buying challenged" when you quite like the one you have, or money is tight for a couple.


 

Exactly. Friends of mine are getting married in couple of weeks. They welcome gifts but if guests wanted to pay cash, they set up an account with a travel agent that people could lodge money into to pay for the honeymoon. Personally I don't see anything tacky in that.


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## moondance (5 Sep 2007)

Each to their own as far as I can see. I don't think the purpose of a wedding is to raise cash - guests should give whatever they feel is appropriate. I also don't think people should borrow money or re-mortgage property to have a wedding. It's a big decision to make and you should save for it when you decide it's right for you and don't spend beyond your means. If you come out the other end with extra cash then look on it as a bonus and not "what you're due".


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## outspann (5 Sep 2007)

True, the purpose of a wedding is not to raise cash, but at the same time it's not to have two people get swamped with debt either. If you think it's "rude" for them to ask you for money, yet at the same time you're happy to attend and eat the nice expensive dinner that they are paying for, well... I think there's something wrong there.

And I don't think it's good enough to say "Well, that's their decision to get into debt..." Maybe in that case you should be the bigger (wiser?) person and refuse the invite - meaning one less dinner that they have to pay for. At least that way your gift can be not contributing to the problem.


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## mayway (6 Sep 2007)

I assumed that if people are prepared to spend 10's of thousands on 1 day that they must have money to burn.

There are cheaper ways of getting married and it is not acceptable to spend gargantuan quantities of cash on a pantomime and then expect your guests to foot the bill for your foolishness.


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## sheena1 (6 Sep 2007)

mayway said:


> I assumed that if people are prepared to spend 10's of thousands on 1 day that they must have money to burn.
> 
> There are cheaper ways of getting married and it is not acceptable to spend gargantuan quantities of cash on a pantomime and then expect your guests to foot the bill for your foolishness.


 
What a sad outlook on life! People spend thousands on 1 day because they want it to be special and if you are invited then its because they want to share their special day with you. Do you give huge gifts to a couple who have a cheaper wedding as they might appear to need the money more?  
I sincerely hope that you do not attend any wedding which you get invited to if this is your attitude as it would be hypocritical in the extreme to attend a wedding and enjoy the surroundings, food and entertainment which the couple have provided. It is their big day and they are free to choose how much/little to spend. While I agree that the guests should not have to give a bigger gift because the couple choose a more expensive than average wedding, a gift is polite and shows that you are grateful for being considered important enough to share the day.


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## aircobra19 (6 Sep 2007)

People need to put it into perspecitive and not get carried away with spending  lots of money on frills unless they can afford it. If you can afford it then why not. But I wouldn't take out a big loan to have a big wedding. I don't see the logic in that. 

Theres ways of reducing a wedding bill. Borrow a friends fancy car and get them to drive. Find a friend whos a decent photographer to take pictures. If you still need a pro, only use them for formal photos. Things like that. My brother in law borrowed his CEO' car from work. I know friends who instead of going to a hotel for reception, hired a venue somewhere else and brought in their own caterer and wine etc. Keep tight control of the numbers of guests etc.


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## ClubMan (6 Sep 2007)

Some people (myself included) can't understand why others would spend tens of thousands on their wedding never mind it being money that some cannot afford and which they need to borrow in the first place. On the other hand if some are happy to do so then that's their prerogative and it's up to them to consider the implications of paying this off for years to come in many cases. Each to his/her own.


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## buzybee (6 Sep 2007)

I do not agree with mayway, that it is foolish to spend thousands on a wedding.  In Ireland, all aunts & uncles will expect to be invited to the wedding.  Then, by the time you have paid for these, close friends & work colleagues, the wedding no.s will go to 150 people.  Even if you cut back on food/drink etc, the wedding will still cost a lot, just to have the basic 3 or 4 course meal.

I find there is no happy medium in Ireland without offending people.  If you just have a family wedding, you may only have 15 or 20 people.  This is not really enough to have a 'party' atmosphere.  Then if you have 60 or 80 people, you will probably have to leave out some relations/close friends etc, but you will have the band & 'party' atmosphere.

We had 80 people last year.  It still cost about 14K for the whole wedding, excluding the honeymoon.  We still offended some of my husbands relations, as we didn't ask them all. (He has a large extended family, whereas I have less relations).  Even if you have 80, you still have to do things right re: food & drink.


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## z109 (6 Sep 2007)

buzybee said:


> ...basic 3 or 4 course meal.



What's basic about 4 courses? How about two courses and wedding cake and coffee for desert for basic?


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## shnaek (6 Sep 2007)

I hear you, buzybee. That's why we are thinking of heading abroad and just having a party when we get home. Weddings here have reached heights of expense that we just feel aren't justified.


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## ClubMan (6 Sep 2007)

shnaek said:


> I hear you, buzybee. That's why we are thinking of heading abroad and just having a party when we get home. Weddings here have reached heights of expense that we just feel aren't justified.


So just do what suits you personally. Don't feel pressurised or obliged to do something that does not suit you just because others do it or expect you to do it or think that you need to flee abroad to avoid certain hassle or expense.


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## TheBlock (6 Sep 2007)

shnaek said:


> I hear you, buzybee. That's why we are thinking of heading abroad and just having a party when we get home. Weddings here have reached heights of expense that we just feel aren't justified.


 
I agree. We're heading to Mauitus in 2 weeks time and when we get back have booked a meal for 50. Still expensive but no more that 13 - 14k all inc.


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## speirbhean (6 Sep 2007)

We got engaged recently and a friend bought us a copy of a book called 'how to have a champagne wedding on a buck's fizz budget'. It's really good, it's Irish so all of the examples used are specific to this country and it contains loads of useful tips. Recommended!!! 
I have to say I think 'to each his / her own' when it comes to weddings, but in my case 'my own' certainly wouldn't involve a remortgage! The weddin' cake will be well gone off in 35 years time!


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## brodiebabe (6 Sep 2007)

outspann said:


> If you think it's "rude" for them to ask you for money, yet at the same time you're happy to attend and eat the nice expensive dinner that they are paying for, well... I think there's something wrong there.


 
Normally when you are invited by someone to a meal you are not expected to foot the bill, yet many people getting married consider that guests should at least "cover the cost of their plate".  I think this is rude and tacky of the newly marrieds.


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## ClubMan (6 Sep 2007)

speirbhean said:


> 'how to have a champagne wedding on a buck's fizz budget'.


Er, _Buck's Fizz _*contains *_Champagne_!


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## Caveat (6 Sep 2007)

Sorry, apologies if this has been said - haven't read the full thread but the title says it all. We spent around €1000 on our wedding - everyone had a good time etc etc.

I'm sure it's been said - each to their own - but _*remortgaging*_!?!?!?

Crazy IMHO.


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## DrMoriarty (6 Sep 2007)

ClubMan said:


> You could get him to sign up for 30 years of ironing or something in lieu of interest.


So _that's _how you cleared your mortgage so fast, you sly dog...


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## lorna (7 Sep 2007)

this particular subject is almost as sensitive as talking about "property prices in ireland" !


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## nelly (7 Sep 2007)

brodiebabe said:


> Normally when you are invited by someone to a meal you are not expected to foot the bill, yet many people getting married consider that guests should at least "cover the cost of their plate".  I think this is rude and tacky of the newly marrieds.



i agree - outspann, when you invite someone out to dinner to celebrate with you, do you ask them to go dutch? don't think so. 

Does nobody else think this a a joker/troll/ st???
Anyone earning 100k+ with an interest only mortgage has issues with cash flow management in my opinion so taking on more debt for a wedding is a bit mad - considering they already have 3/4 of the amount they want to remortgage for anyway.


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## speirbhean (7 Sep 2007)

Bucks's Fizz contains about half the amount of champagne as a full glass of champagne... at least I'm guessing that's what the title is about... Good book though!!!


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## Yachtie (10 Sep 2007)

nelly said:


> Does nobody else think this a a joker/troll/ st???
> Anyone earning 100k+ with an interest only mortgage has issues with cash flow management in my opinion so taking on more debt for a wedding is a bit mad - considering they already have 3/4 of the amount they want to remortgage for anyway.


 
I read the whole thread and it did cross my mind.  €110k jointly pa is over €6k net per month. It's a lot of mismanaged dosh!

I am not married and have no plans to get married in forseeable future but would under no circumstances re-mortgage to pay for a party. I have absolutely no problem 'footing the bill' through giving cash or voucher as a gift. It saves me time and hassle of going to the shops, chosing a gift, wrapping it, lugging it or posting to the newlyweds, etc. Besides, I'd much rather receive cash or a voucher for any occassion than a crappy gift I neither need nor want. But that's just me! 

Somehow I think that most newlyweds would have much smaller weddings if it wasn't for endless lists of aunties, uncles and cousins they've never even met but who have to be invited because the parents of the bride or groom have been to their family's weddings.


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## jmayo (13 Sep 2007)

lorna said:


> my cousin got married recently in co. cavan. they had about 320 guests, apparently they were given 36,000 euros in cheques and cash, that should pay for a few dinners !!!?? - self financing from what i see.


 
And they Cavan people are tight with money 

I think the big expenses at weedings are the hotel, where the shaggers charge more than they would for the same meal if you arrived on any other  given day.
But the costs that creep in are things like the band (here I would really ecommend spending the money, because a band can make or break a wedding and everyone rememebrs the good and the bad ones), the flowers, car, the bloomin photographer (and he doesn't even use film these days).

Now you can cut costs by getting friends/family involved in lots of these area but be careful that they actually know what they are doing.
Also why would you want 320 people at your wedding,you wao't get chance to talk to half of them and the other half you will want to avoid.


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## Purple (13 Sep 2007)

320 guests! Did they bring their caravans?


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## Sunny (13 Sep 2007)

Weddings like this don't come cheap so remortgaging is probably the only answer...

http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1137571101?bctid=1137569097


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## TDON (14 Sep 2007)

Purple said:


> 320 guests! Did they bring their caravans?


LOL. Going to use that first opportunity I get


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## Purple (14 Sep 2007)

Sunny said:


> Weddings like this don't come cheap so remortgaging is probably the only answer...
> 
> http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1137571101?bctid=1137569097



That's one of the best I've seen in years!


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## Yachtie (14 Sep 2007)

Sunny said:


> [URL="http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1137571101?bctid=1137569097"]http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1137571101?bctid=1137569097 [/URL]


 
OMG!


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## dodo (14 Sep 2007)

Bonkers I tell ya,


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## Swallows (15 Sep 2007)

I think anyone who would consider remortgaging their house to pay for a wedding is off their heads and on another planet. Why *do* people want big weddings? I hope this custom soon dies out as it does no one any favours whatsoever, and all it does is leave you in debt ( you will pay a hefty interest rate for you borrowings over many years, add it up) and if the price of houses fall sharply you could find yourself in negative equity.By all means get married but have the party in your house and only as many guests as will fit in it or in a marquee in the garden. Think again!


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