# Making communion in COI school



## Shawady (9 May 2011)

I know there have been similar threads recently about communions but I have a query and would be interested in other opinions.
My son started in a COI school this year. The school organises that catholic children stay behind one day a week in first class to prepare for their communion. He has been christened but we are not practising catholics and when the time came for communion I was not going to bother let him make it. I assumed as it was a COI school no one would be bothered either way. However, I have been told that because the school has a christian ethos, he will have to make it, as we have put down he is catholic.
I was just wondering what could the school do if we didn't want him to do it?


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## TarfHead (9 May 2011)

Shawady said:


> He has been christened but we are not practising catholics


 
Well, that was the start of it  !

As far as I am aware, children are welcome to be involved in the preparations for first Holy Communion, even if they will not be receiving the sacrament themselves. On the day, they get a blessing from the priest.

At that age, I believe it's important that the children are supported in being involved in what their class mates are doing, and not excluded. The school should be supportive of that too - I doubt it's the first time they've had this issue with parents.


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## DB74 (9 May 2011)

TarfHead said:


> At that age, I believe it's important that the children are supported in being involved in what their class mates are doing, and not excluded. The school should be supportive of that too - I doubt it's the first time they've had this issue with parents.



I presume that if it's a COI (Church of Ireland?) school then most of the classmates won't be making their Communion anyway.


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## ali (9 May 2011)

Shawady said:


> I know there have been similar threads recently about communions but I have a query and would be interested in other opinions.
> My son started in a COI school this year. The school organises that catholic children stay behind one day a week in first class to prepare for their communion. He has been christened but we are not practising catholics and when the time came for communion I was not going to bother let him make it. I assumed as it was a COI school no one would be bothered either way. However, I have been told that because the school has a christian ethos, he will have to make it, as we have put down he is catholic.
> I was just wondering what could the school do if we didn't want him to do it?


 
Personally I think that's an outrageous stance. The school should have no input into what (if any) religious instruction you choose for your child. At any rate a 'Christian ethos' is not undermined by a child not taking communion. It is a far more generalised ethos than Catholic and the C of I kids are not making communion. They are not considered old enough and responsible enough by their Church to make any formal commitment until the much later protestant age of confirmation. 

I would politely decline and simply say that you don't feel it necessary at this stage; presuming you do have a genuine objection. The child is not precluded from taking communion at a later date if you and he wish.


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## Scotsgirl (9 May 2011)

I am surprised at the school making this ruling.  I went to a CoI school and confirmation was never even an issue.  It was done through the local church sunday school.  The primary school was connected to the church but they never got involved in this.  It was up to ourselves to do it at the end of the day, which I decided not to.

I am most surprised that a CoI school would insist that an RC has to do their communion.  I think this is very much up to the family and not the school.  I don't see how they can force it.


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## TarfHead (9 May 2011)

ali said:


> The school should have no input into what (if any) religious instruction you choose for your child.


 
Hmmm.

If you choose to send your child to a school with an avowed religious ethos, then the school has a clear role on the level of religious education your child receives while at the school.


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## ali (9 May 2011)

TarfHead said:


> Hmmm.
> 
> If you choose to send your child to a school with an avowed religious ethos, then the school has a clear role on the level of religious education your child receives while at the school.


 
The school's religious ethos is 1. Church of Ireland and 2. Christian. Not catholic. And most people do not embrace every aspect of their religion e.g. many Catholics are not mass goers. Who decides how much of a catholic you should be?

Also and quite importantly, in many areas people do not have a choice whether to send their children to religious or non / multi denominational schools as the latter are much less numerous and tend to be concentrated around larger towns/cities. I don't suggest this is the case for the Shawady - I don't know.


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## Shawady (9 May 2011)

Thanks for comments.
There is only 5 or 6 catholic children in his year and when he started they told us there would be a facility for them to make their communion with the local national school and would need to stay behind one day a week fo an hour to prepare for communion.
If he was in a catholic school and everyone was making it , maybe we would just go with the flow, i don't know.
My thinking was that as it is a COI school they would not care if he made it or not and it was between us and the Catholic Parents Association.
How can you show you are christian but not catholic?


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## DB74 (9 May 2011)

Shawady said:


> How can you show you are christian but not catholic?



Wear a Glasgow Rangers jersey to all meetings with the school!


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## Jim2007 (9 May 2011)

Shawady said:


> If he was in a catholic school and everyone was making it , maybe we would just go with the flow, i don't know.



You've decided to stop him going to communion because he is going to a COI school, Seriously!  I think you need stop and think about what this is doing to you child, to let them go through all the preparation for the big day and then pull back for the reasons you have given so far, is to my mind hard to follow!



Shawady said:


> How can you show you are christian but not catholic?



Make up your mind about what it means to be a Christian and act on your convictions!  But certainly misleading the school by your actions up to now, is not the way to go.

Jim.


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## PaddyBloggit (9 May 2011)

Decide on what you want ... communicate it to the school and draw a line under it.

To be honest I think the COI school is going well out of its way to provide access to R.C. Sacraments that aren't even under its remit.

It's looking after the religious education of your child ... as indicated by you on the enrolment form.

When you had your child christened you indicated a route you were taking ... the school can only work on the information provided.

You may not be practising Catholics but what if you child wants to in later life?

Let your child receive the Sacraments .... when they are old enough to opt out let them do so then .... having received the instruction ... they will then be able to make an informed choice.


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## Kate10 (10 May 2011)

Decide what you want for your child and follow through on it, one way or the other.  It's confusing to give your child mixed signals.  As you are no longer catholic I think its pointless and hypocritical to indoctrinate your child in the catholic religion.  Contact the school, that them for their efforts but tell them you are no longer Catholic and your child will not need to receive any religious instruction.  End of conversation.


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## Yorrick (10 May 2011)

Of course its hypocritical but the poster wants the benefits without playing by the rules. Typical Ireland. We want safety on the roads but don't ask me to slow down or go without my eight pints before I drive.


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## truthseeker (10 May 2011)

PaddyBloggit said:


> Let your child receive the Sacraments .... when they are old enough to opt out let them do so then .... having received the instruction ... they will then be able to make an informed choice.


 
You are not allowed to 'opt out' anymore, the church changed the rules due to the numbers of people opting out. You can opt out in your own mind but you will still be counted in the numbers of the Catholic church.

If you allow the child to receive instruction then you are allowing the child to be indoctrinated. Unless the child receives instruction in all other possibilities no informed decision could be made.

If you got your child baptised in the first place you chose the route for them then - theyre part of the numbers game now.


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## olddog (11 May 2011)

Shawady said:


> ............I was not going to bother let him make it. ...........



What does he want to do ? ( have you asked him ? ) 

If he is to young to decide for himself then I cant see how anyone would want him to do it.




Shawady said:


> ......................However, I have been told that because the school has a christian ethos, he will have to make it..............



Has he considered 'turning' ?


Olddog


P.S. Have you heard of 'Educate Together' ( http://www.educatetogether.ie/ )?


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## JP1234 (12 May 2011)

Just out of curiosity Shawady why did you choose to have your child Baptised if you do not want to follow through with the rest of the Sacrements?  What is the basis of your objection to him taking Communion, has something changed in the years since he was Baptised?

I am not judging, just curious. Was it because you thought he may have to go to a Catholic School and one of the requirements was he was babtised. We had to provide a Baptism Certificate for our son, though that has now changed at the school which although predominantly Catholic accepts all faiths.

At the end of the day they cannot make him take Communion, just don't turn up on the day!


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## Shawady (12 May 2011)

JP, although we are not particularly religious when our our children were born we got the baptised. It was probably more to do keeping family members happy although there is huge demand for school places in our area so maybe there was a bit of keeping all options open. If he was in a catholic school we would probably just go with the flow and let him make his communion rather than make an issue of it.
I know the above statement smacks of hyporcisy but now that he is in a COI school most of the children in his class won't be making his communion, only 5 or 6 of them. This means he will have to stay behind one day a week to learn about communion and I will probably have to explain to him why and it may be a bit confusing for him if he thinks he is somehow different to the other children.
As I say neither myself or my wife are religous so if he doesn't make it we would not be bothered and if he wanted to receive the sacrements later on in life it would be his choice.
I assumed the school would not be interested in our decision and was surprised it might be expected of him.


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## JP1234 (12 May 2011)

I can completely understand your reasons, and I think many many people do tend to go through with the Baptism out of habit/keeping family happy.  In our case, we had discussed it and agreed to have him brought up Catholic so that was never an issue but I would have preferred to have him done when he was a few months old. As it was, it was all arranged hastily ( he was only 4 weeks old) to fit in with other people. I was so stressed and sleep deprived I can barely recall the lead up and have no memory of the actual day.

My mother is Protestant but insisted we were brought up Catholic, in her mind it would make us "better"

My husband's sister had her son Baptised but nothing else and there have been plenty on sniping comments over the years. The worst when my husband's grandmother died a few years ago one of his Aunts said his nephew should not take part in the offerings as he wasn't a proper catholic!

I think the idea of asking him what he wants to do is best, you might find he wants to go through with it afterall.


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