# Can father bring child over the border



## gsr1711 (8 Jul 2010)

Just wondering is there anything i can do to stop access to my 19month old child from going over the boarder into a knowing rough part of belfast. its the 3rd week of every month. the child was born in the south The journey is a 3 and half hour journey thats when you havent a child on board because your takeing out the stops you have to do when carrying a child, it could take up to 4 and a half when child is on board. I dont think a child should be put through this. Thats like 10 hours been stuck in a car on a weekend not good for a child .
Was never married to him , the child doesnt connect with him ,the child does break its heart on hand over and rageem is in a mess when he does bring the child back after the 2 nite stay ,ive a feeling its for his mother that he wants access as he doesnt ackwnoldge the child when bringing back and its usualy the mother who does it. ive brought to the judge with proof that he takes spamspamspam, his family are into joyrideing sum of his family have been in jail,and got there knees done and they all live in the house shes going in to im very worried for my child and have enough i cant do this anymore, he cant mind her as he has had the child five times up there and everytime but one there has been an incodent bad bumps to the head, deep scraps, very bad sunburn, soaking nappy with jelly out on handback. if i stop access myself could i be arrested !! looking for all info on what i can do thanks !!!​


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## dereko1969 (8 Jul 2010)

Is the access the result of a court order/legally binding agreement? If it is then you'll have to go back to court to amend that. 
Actually just noticed you mentioned you brought proof to the judge that he smokes spamspamspam, what action did the judge take as a result of your 'proof'?


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## niceoneted (8 Jul 2010)

How do you get on with the mother(grandmother)? If you really think it is just so she can see your child would it be a possibility that you could arrange for her to come and stay with you on the weekends they are due to have access. 
I know it might be an invasion of your privacy - perhaps you could stay with friends. It means your son does not have to do the traveling, is not exposed to the household his father lives in but yet still gets to have a relationship with that side of his family.


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## gsr1711 (8 Jul 2010)

yes the judge said that he should get 3 days access up north and thats how they want it i cant get it back to court quick enough for the next vist so would i get in to much bother if i was just to say no the childs not going.


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## jhegarty (8 Jul 2010)

If there is court order permitting a visit to the North , then of course he can cross the border.


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## csirl (9 Jul 2010)

gsr1711 said:


> yes the judge said that he should get 3 days access up north and thats how they want it i cant get it back to court quick enough for the next vist so would i get in to much bother if i was just to say no the childs not going.


 
You would be in contempt of court. Disobeying a court order is guaranteed to annoy the Judge and will count against you. If father kicks up a fuss, there would be major implications for you.


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## Humbird (13 Jul 2010)

Hi, just to give u my own experience: my child is subjected to a 9 hour drive every 2nd weekend for access so that my ex can bring child to where he now resides with his GF (4.5 hours away from us), this is despite the fact that my ex owns a home a mere 10 minutes from our family home and his work is even closer to our home (he lives in both places now that he has a GF, he goes to her at wkends).  
A court approved that he can have access wherever he likes, I called for a S47 in the hopes that a psychologist would think that this is crazy and a tremendous hardship on the child but psycholgist agreed that it was ok.  In fact S47 has gone as far as to say that I should relocate to my ex's new location to facilitate his access (which would mean giving up my work, leaving our family home and moving against my will and the will of our child who is so settled in our area since he has lived here all his life).
That's my experience.  Not good.
Humbird


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## redbhoy (15 Jul 2010)

Are we seeing Judges siding with men now in custody battles? Is it payback for all the years women have used the Family Courts as a stick to beat fathers with??


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## mf1 (15 Jul 2010)

redbhoy said:


> Are we seeing Judges siding with men now in custody battles? Is it payback for all the years women have used the Family Courts as a stick to beat fathers with??



As a practising family lawyer, I don't even know where to start with this statement. 

Enough to say that the child is the primary focus for the Courts when trying to arbitrate in complex emotional matrimonial/non matrimonial cases. 

And perhaps if parents, in many cases, were adult enough to recognise their own shortcomings/responsibilities and be adult in their dealings with their children and partners, we would see less fighting and less stress for all parties but, primarily their kids. 

Too often, yes, kids are used as weapons but its bad for them and its bad for parents.You just cannot make those kind of wide sweeping statements above - it is not adult and it is not helpful.



mf


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## redbhoy (16 Jul 2010)

mf1 said:


> And perhaps if parents, in many cases, were adult enough to recognise their own shortcomings/responsibilities and be adult in their dealings with their children and partners, we would see less fighting and less stress for all parties but, primarily their kids.


 
I totally agree that the children are the most important thing in any FC scenario. But Ive sat in the waiting room down there and heard Covens conspiring about how to screw over fathers in cases. 
"If you say this, this will happen and that'll happen". Why isnt Mediation ordered before any cases?
I know a few who have gone in and just listened to mothers lying through their teeth about the fathers and the judges take their words for it.
I was lucky that my ex eventually realised she's be shooting herself and the kids in the foot but its not always like this.


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