# What are your best household tips? Here's mine!



## 4th estate (14 Aug 2009)

1. Defrost the freezer using a steam cleaner with a nozzle. It is amazing how quickly this works. Have everything ready though, the water comes out really fast!

2. If you want those cut flowers to look great, and not fall over in the vase, criss cross the top of the vase with sellotape (put the water in first), then arrange flowers. They looke great and stand up like soldiers.

3. After cutting onions, get the smell off by rubbing your hands over the kitchen tap a few times. It really works. I saw a stainless steel ball being sold in a shop for the same purpose. Cost a tenner.

4. Baby wipes will get rid of most stains, wipe then wash. God help the baby's bottoms.

5. When planting pots for the first time, fill the pot where you intend to leave it. They weigh a ton when full.

6. Use the plastic boxes strawberries and the like come in to grow seeds. They have holes in the top. Perfect little propagators.

7. That's all for now.

Anyone any more?


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## DrMoriarty (14 Aug 2009)

EMPTY cereal packets make ideal holders for old toilet roll tubes and 
milk bottle tops which one should never throw away as they are most 
handy, and have a variety of uses.

WHEN reading a book try tearing out the pages as you read them. This 
saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be 
used for shopping lists.

WHEN buying toilet tissue I always unwind each roll carefully and 
number the sheets individually using a Biro or felt-tipped pen. 

SAVE pounds every year on household wear and tear 
by living in a tent in the garden.

HANG a Cornflakes packet on a piece of string in all the doorways of 
your house. Bumping into the brightly coloured boxes as you pass 
through will remind you to close the door behind you.

WEIGH toilet rolls on your kitchen scales and record their weight after 
each visit to the toilet. On each occasion deduct the new weight from 
their previous weight. The figure remaining will be the exact weight of 
toilet tissue which you have used on that particular 'visit'. 

SMELL gas? Locate the suspected leak by striking an ordinary match 
in every room in the house until a loud explosion reveals
the source of the escaping gas. 

STOP nosey neighbours from knowing which room you're in by 
stealthily crawling around the house on all fours.

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. 
Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.


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## Cat101 (14 Aug 2009)

Dr Moriarty that's hilarious!!!
I read them to my eldest son and he agrees.
Very funny.
Thanks.


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## Speedwell (14 Aug 2009)

I was reading down and thinking who was this nut then I looked at the author and went DOH! Should have known it was you Dr!


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## 4th estate (14 Aug 2009)

DrMoriarty said:


> EMPTY cereal packets make ideal holders for old toilet roll tubes and
> milk bottle tops which one should never throw away as they are most
> handy, and have a variety of uses.
> 
> ...



Hilarious! How do you think them up?

But you forgot about drying the tea bags on the line for use the next day. Doh.


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## allthedoyles (14 Aug 2009)

Next time you are making a banana smoothie , include the banana skin , as its full of fibre and vitamins .


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## 4th estate (14 Aug 2009)

allthedoyles said:


> Next time you are making a banana smoothie , include the banana skin , as its full of fibre and vitamins .



Don't slip up when you're making it though.


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## samanthajane (14 Aug 2009)

I have a good suggestion, instead of glass cleaner use the shower mist spray that you just spray and leave, I only used this one day cause i had run out of glass cleaner, it works much better than normal glass cleaner, but you cant just leave it you do have to rub, just not as much. 

And something more funny, my daughter must of be watching some programm about saving the rainforests or something. Walked into the main bathroom the other day to find she had torn of sheets of toilet paper and put them in 2's all along the radiator. 
And we've been informed we are only allowed to use 2 sheets of toilet paper per visit!!!!


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## BillK (15 Aug 2009)

Never tie your shoelace in a revolving door.


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## rmelly (15 Aug 2009)

4th estate said:


> Hilarious! How do you think them up?


 
What makes you think he did? Try searching the interweb...


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## Padraigb (15 Aug 2009)

There is no significant difference between six months' dust and seven months' dust.


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## shootingstar (15 Aug 2009)

You can keep flowers alive longer by putting a drop of bleach in the water. 

Also if u run out of shampoo, apparently washing up liquid will do a great job. (tip from my mum) 

Fasinating stuff, i know... 

(loving the idea of lining up 2 sheets of toilet roll....lol at your daughter, so cute) good on her...


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## samanthajane (15 Aug 2009)

shootingstar said:


> You can keep flowers alive longer by putting a drop of bleach in the water.
> 
> Also if u run out of shampoo, apparently washing up liquid will do a great job. (tip from my mum)
> 
> ...


 

I tried that with flowers before...whoppssss my idea of a drop is clearly a bit too much!! 

Cant agree on the washing up liquid...would never put that on my hair. 

Yes very cute unless this happens........the bf had a client over to talk earlier on today, he asked to use our bathroom.

He came back laughing his head off.....while he was in the bathroom my daughter had knocked on the door and proceeded to tell him " you can only use 2 sheets, thats the rule in this house, I've lined them up on the radiator!" 

Good job he had been doing business with this guy for a long time, and he saw the funny side of things. 

Turned out ok he re-newed the contract....probably felt sorry for us thinking we had serious money problems!


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## shootingstar (15 Aug 2009)

i did say 'apparently' washing up liquid does the same job. My mum told me years ago when she was scrapped for cash herself & her g/f's would use washing up liquid which left a great shine!! I dunno...


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## samanthajane (15 Aug 2009)

Is there a certain brand  or just what ever you have next to your sink. 

I'm that bored ( 4 weeks and my sky is still not working  )  i might just give it ago and see if it does work.


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## shootingstar (15 Aug 2009)

Samanthajane I AM NOT entertaining your boredom on a Saturday.... but if u must ask... try tesco shampoo 57c.... LOL


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## Armada (16 Aug 2009)

[Also if u run out of shampoo, apparently washing up liquid will do a great job]. 

And "Comfort or Lenor"  diluted make great conditioner.


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## DerKaiser (18 Aug 2009)

Viz top tips

Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply
strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. It is now clear to
all as to your allegiance.

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour
a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is
almost instantly removed.


Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.


Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a
stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken
glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.


Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer
to the object you wish to view.


Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest,
imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your
intended destination in the first place.


An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
inexpensive vibrator.


Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic
steroids by running a bit slower.



Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next
fag from the butt of your last one.


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## Purple (18 Aug 2009)

Padraigb said:


> There is no significant difference between six months' dust and seven months' dust.





DerKaiser said:


> Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer
> to the object you wish to view.
> 
> 
> ...



I like these ones best.


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## ney001 (19 Aug 2009)

Stained clothes? circle the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain And check that it has gone.

Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.

Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in the first place, you fat *******.

Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.

Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cake again.

Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know the difference.

Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.

High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your roof.

Corsa drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so It may as well look like one.

A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging your feet twice on each stair.

At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next customer Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.

Girls. Don't worry about a nice dress for that important first date. All he's interested in is seeing you naked.

Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

Housewives. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.

Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on Boxing Day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.


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## Caveat (19 Aug 2009)

Aaaaah _Viz..._

Is it funny anymore does anyone know?


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## dockingtrade (19 Aug 2009)

ney001 said:


> Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.


 
This is good advice and a rule i follow everyday. I actually look forward to it.


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## AlastairSC (21 Aug 2009)

shootingstar said:


> My mum told me years ago when she was scrapped for cash herself




Good idea to raise cash in the recession. How much did you get for her?  Will have to try this when I'm strapped for cash myself....


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## june (26 Aug 2009)

> A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
> 
> Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging your feet twice on each stair.
> 
> ...


 
that is the best laugh I have had for ages. I thought this was going to be a serious thread.


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## michaelm (27 Aug 2009)

june said:


> I thought this was going to be a serious thread.


A serious one, primarily for parents:  If you've to clean up vomit, sprinkle a bit of bread soda afterwards (or add bread soda to the water if you use a mop).  This will neutralise the sick smell.


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