# Is His/Hers/Joint accounts a good way ?



## Brightside2016 (10 May 2016)

*Background*:
We are married and have children.
We have 3 current bank accounts: hers, his & joint.
I earn 4 times more than my wife.
My salary is paid into my own account.
My wife's salary is paid into her account.
We own our house, and have no mortgage / no loans/ no debts/ no credit cards.
Wife have never shown any interest in managing finance, nor does she want to manage it. So i have been doing it for years on my own.Everything is recorded into spread sheets, hence i have a very good idea about outgoings and bills to be paid at specific dates. So may be too much of a big brother at time.


*Husband*'s salary is paid into his own account. Money is transfered from own account into joint ac on regular basis to pay for groceries, all utilities (incl wife's mobile until recently), home insurance, health insurance/bills, all motoring (hers until recently), clothes (mainly his & children), holidays, school fees, etc...
Balance on joint ac is normally kept around €500. This is legacy from the time when interest rates were higher. He used to put money into instant access deposit account, and drip feed into his and joint accounts as needed to maximise interest.
I used to have a credit card linked to own account, and gave my wife a duplicate card. She never used it. I did not see any needs for a credit card ac as bills were paid 100% by DD, so account was closed a year ago.


*Wife*'s salary is paid into her personal account, and no money is transfered into joint account.
I have no idea about ins/outs/balance of her personal account.


For the first time last week in 15 years, joint account reached €0 (my own mistake).
My wife was unable to pay for groceries with joint card, and had to use her own card.
This sparked a big argument. Claim being that I am trying to control her spending, and trying to stack up money for my own, that I spend as i want but she can't.


While I do not see anything wrong with current setup, I probably can't see the woods from the trees, and this setup may not provide my wife with the security she needs. There has always been financial issues between her parents, and may explain how she feels.

So would you go about organising accounts differently to better meet individual needs?
Thanks.


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## Cervelo (10 May 2016)

Brightside2016 said:


> *Wife*'s salary is paid into her personal account, and no money is transfered into joint account.
> I have no idea about ins/outs/balance of her personal account.



One of the greatest mysteries for modern man, even Steven Hawking was flummoxed by it.
I often compare my wife's purse to a Black Hole, not even light escapes its grip


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## moneybox (10 May 2016)

Brightside2016 said:


> While I do not see anything wrong with current setup, I probably can't see the woods from the trees, ?
> Thanks.



You probably can't.

What do you want three current accounts for, what with all those bank charges as well.    Most couples make do with just one joint account.


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## Gordon Gekko (10 May 2016)

Close the personal accounts down. I agree with your wife. It's not your money, it's family money, and this isn't the 1950s.


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## tallpaul (10 May 2016)

On the contrary, the OP's system is the exact same system we use. There has never, ever been an issue with how our system works. We both contribute to the running of the household and we then have other money to save or to spend. To be honest I think the OP's wife was a tad unfair to throw a strop but that is by the by.


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## PGF2016 (10 May 2016)

The number one cause of separation is disagreements over money. What difference does it make that one partner earns 4 times the other? Is marriage an equal partnership or is the higher earner in charge?


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## PaddyW (10 May 2016)

So, let's just look at this for one second. The husband puts money in to the joint account to pay for all groceries, bills, health insurance, her motoring costs up until recently, holidays, school fees.. So almost everything really. But just because he mistakenly lets the joint account go to zero, once, for the first time in 15 years the wife throws a strop because she has to pay for groceries, once. Personally, I think your wife needs a large slice of reality and has no reason to argue about anything. It seems to me, that you never question how she spends her salary, is this correct?


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## Joe_90 (10 May 2016)

Life's tough enough without having arguments because you forgot to put money in the joint account.

Close the non joint ones.


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## Gordon Gekko (10 May 2016)

If one spouse earns substantially more than the other, and keeps most of his/her income back, that is wrong in my view. It's a partnership, with each partner contributing more than just money.


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## Brightside2016 (10 May 2016)

Thanks for all feedback so far. 
It is interesting to see the differences in view points, and all are valid.

Some further timeframe details regarding the 3 accounts if that helps at clarifying the thread.

My salary has always gone into joint account (until approx 6 months ago).

My wife stopped working (for approx 10 years ) when we had children, and went back to work approx 4 years ago. This is when she decided to open her own account.
I changed bank institution approx 6 months ago to avail of free banking. This is when i opened my own account (similar to what my wife has done).
We all know there are 3 sides to a story, and you are getting only one.
I am not here for point scoring, but rather to see if i am missing the obvious.


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## mf1 (10 May 2016)

It is very interesting to see the range of opinions on this one. 

From a family lawyers point of view, I am horrified at the idea that a spouse takes virtually no interest in the financial management side of their relationship. Everybody, without exception, should have a grasp of money in, money out, with a plan for rainy days and long term issues like childrens' education and retirement. 

I have met way too many clients who have never enquired or been involved in the finances  and, as a consequence, when the break occurs, are left scrambling, ill educated on finances and terrified. 

I also think that every couple should have a financial plan for day to day matters. 

I don't see anything wrong at all with separate accounts and one joint account for household- lots of people do it that way. Equally, many people have all joint accounts. 

In my experience the biggest rows are when the parties don't have a joint concept of what to do with the money - spendthrift spouses should not have unfettered access to cash and controlling spouses should not be able to control access. 

To each their own.

mf


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## moneybox (10 May 2016)

Well i am the chief earner in my house plus just one joint bank accunt. However I am just left with the  price of a few pints every week,  I dare moan for fear of the conse
quences. This arrangment has worked out pretty well for us throughout our married life and I dare not change it, dont want to rock the boat at this stage


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## Easeler (10 May 2016)

We changed over to joint account a year ago closed all other accounts and have all dd coming out start of month working quite well there is no my/your money anymore its our money now and OH has taken more of an interest in our finances now .


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## PeacockF (10 May 2016)

Myself & my spouse also have 3 accounts - none of which are fee paying (PTSB).

We both get paid our salaries into our individual accounts.  All joint expenses, household direct debits etc come out of the joint account. 

We have different salaries so out of our total net income of 100%, we work out the split of each 60/40 etc.   Updated each year or so for salary changes.

We have a household spreadsheet of all costs and outgoings that we update every 6/12 months, which gives us a monthly estimate of what our total figure for household costs/savings/other will be.

This total household cost figure is then split in the same proportion as the net income %, so the person who earns 60% of the net income lodges 60% of the monthly cost and vice versa.

Each to their own but this works for us as it means the household costs are split pro-rata according to our earnings, and we each keep the difference in our personal accounts for personal expenses & spending money.  

If your wife never contributes to the joint account I think a strop over a once off grocery shop is a bit OTT - not sure how you are being controlling.  I agree a marriage is a partnership and everything equal etc but that means both sides have to contribute depending on what they have.  Also she needs to be made aware of the family finances overall.


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## mtk (10 May 2016)

Simplest solution to me would be to 
1 set up a standing order each month from your own account to joint account.
2 Tell wife doing this - earn some browny points !


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## tallpaul (10 May 2016)

Gordon Gekko said:


> If one spouse earns substantially more than the other, and keeps most of his/her income back, that is wrong in my view. It's a partnership, with each partner contributing more than just money.



Unfortunately in this case it seems that the wife earns less and is keeping most, in fact all, of her income back while the OP earns more and is doing the opposite.


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## Brightside2016 (10 May 2016)

I would like to add few points in an attempt keep the thread fair. In hindsight, i should have included this on my original post.

Last year, my wife did pay few things from her own account (LPT, water charge, and her car insurance/tax), This represented 4% of total outgoings for the year.
We have enough rainy day money to sustain current lifestyle for 1 year with €0 incomes/benefits.
I still have resonable amount of money in my own name from before we met. I have always considered this lumpsum to provide for family if/when I died, can't work, if we run-out of rainy day money, when we retired, etc.
My view is to live on current incomes as long as we have incomes and save a bit.


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## 44brendan (10 May 2016)

mf1 said:


> From a family lawyers point of view, I am horrified at the idea that a spouse takes virtually no interest in the financial management side of their relationship. Everybody, without exception, should have a grasp of money in, money out, with a plan for rainy days and long term issues like childrens' education and retirement.


Obviously not an ideal scenario MFI but in my own case (which I don't think is unique) my wife has no interest in being involved in the financial side of the household. She readily accepts that she has no grasp of budgeting and I an left to totally manage all household income/outgoings.
This is with her full agreement and I constantly ask her to sit down with me when I go through the figures each month but she has no wish to do so. This probably happens in a large number of relationships where 1 party is more financially conscious and astute.
having said that I agree that it works fine when the income/expenditure balance out and funds are readily available to meet all outgoings. Unfortunately funds flow don't always run that smoothly and problems can arise when the non involved party either overspends or has a spending requirement where funds are not to hand.
I agree that specific earnings in a marriage/partnership should be irrelevant and both parties should be as involved as possible in the major decisions on finances. Particularly where there may be problems in fully meeting all outflow requirements. I suggest that the OP and his wife would have a discussion an whether the current system works for them both and if not how she might change it. Ideally in my scenario I agree a set amount of discretionary expenditure each month/week for both of us and any balance is kept in a savings account where we both know what is available.
The mine and yours issue is always going to arise whenever there are unequal earnings in a relationship. I.e. The lower earner is likely to feel undermined by asking for money and this can lead to resentment if not handled properly and openly.


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## michaelm (10 May 2016)

Brightside2016 said:


> Claim being that I am trying to control her spending, and trying to stack up money for my own, that I spend as i want but she can't.


We have a joint account.  I earn the money and my wife gets value for it.  I have little interest in money otherwise.  If it were me (and I was married for richer or poorer) I'd close my account and revert to the joint account.  I'd suggest that she might do likewise but I wouldn't make it a deal breaker.  When she 'stopped working' for 10 years I suspect that she may have been working harder than you.  As an aside, one of my kids needs ortho so I asked my wife if she had any running away money with which to pay of it . . sadly no.


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## trasneoir (10 May 2016)

The perception that you are holding the purse strings is really toxic. Her "defense" right now is that she can spend her "walking around money" without having to account for it, and that's fine. I'd suggest that you each withhold identical, agreed-upon "pocket money" each month for your personal accounts, and everything else gets pooled. 

The joint money and expenditure needs to be visible, understood, and agreed upon by both of you. Schedule a meeting to walk through it together each month after payday. Think of it as a form of life insurance - she needs to be able to manage this stuff in case you get hit by a bus.


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## PGF2016 (10 May 2016)

The Barefoot investor (good blog) has a good way of dealing with this. Joint accounts. Any spending less than 400 is not questioned. Over that the spouse needs to be consulted.


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## Gordon Gekko (10 May 2016)

The fact that you can cite the fact that her contribution was 4% of total expenditure is a bad sign. If you're married, it's a team effort and you should share.

There was a point in time when my wife earned 3 times more than me. She never made me feel bad about it. Now I earn 3 times more than she does, and I am careful to reciprocate. My sense from your posts, rightly or wrongly, is that you are rubbing your wife's nose in the fact that you earn more money than her.

Close your non-joint accounts, run one account, and do up your budgets together.


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## thedaddyman (11 May 2016)

In my own case, my wife and me have our own personal account and we have a joint account for the mortgage and household bills. Both of us have DD's into the joint account but since I am the main breadwinner by far, the bulk of the money comes from me. Children's allowance goes in there as well. Bills are on DD so we both have clear visibility of what gets paid and wife puts shopping and kids clothes etc on a credit card and pays it monthly. If I get odds and sods over a weekend or DIY stuff for the house I do likewise. It works fine and there has never been any hassle. Every so often if we have a bit left over and the balance in the joint account goes a bit too high, she'll sweep it into savings accounts for the kids. we're both ex bank managers so reasonably financially savvy but there have never been any issues. We both keep back what we need for our own personal spending and do so. It works fine for us.


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## capslock (11 May 2016)

We each have individual accounts and one joint account. Both salaries are paid to the joint account which pays for everything household and children related and our individual accounts are for our pocket money.  We take the same amount each week and do what we like with it.  OP, if you're both getting paid into individual accounts, can you keep back the same as your wife gets paid and whatever is leftover can go to the joint account to cover everything else. 

For example, let's say your wife gets paid €1,000 per month and you get €4,000. You keep back €1,000 like she does and transfer €3,000 to the joint account. If there's not enough there to cover everything then you jointly make up the shortfall.  Seems the fairest way?


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