# Non Payment of "Voluntary Child Maintenance"



## Gurm (11 Sep 2011)

Hi

Would appreciate any assistance on current issue. Have been separated (not legally) for over 3 years. Ex husband agreed 2.5 years ago to pay weekly child maintenance, this was not by court order, it was agreed between solicitors. 

He hasn't paid any maintenance for over 18 months. In the last few days I have received a letter from his solicitor stating that from next weekend he "suggests" full day access on Saturdays alternating with Friday pick up the following week and returning the child on Saturday night. The child has never stayed overnight and is not keen on this idea. The solicitor's letter also addressed the issue of non payment of maintenance and stated this was down to much reduced income (he was self employed). He has now taken up paid employment and apparently is willing "to address this issue"

The tone of his solicitor's letters is always dictatorial, there is rarely any evidence of what is best for the child, it's always - my client this, my client that! I need to reply to the letter and advise I have no issue with the full day access but have two questions:

1) Would it be ok for me to mention that the child is not keen on the overnight stays or could this be seen as me trying to be difficult? (There was a situation two years ago where the child didn't want to leave all the Santy presents etc to go to the grandmother's traditional christmas morning gathering and was subsequently carried, half dressed from the house crying.

2) As there is no court order for maintenance in place, can I mention the arrears of 18 months worth of payments? 

Admittedly, I am angered by the tone of the letter and the blase attitude that now that he is an employee as apposed to being self employed, he is willing to "address the non payment" and feels that in the same breath he can dictate access arrangements? It is quite obvious that he has had no shortage of money to spend on himself over recent months but that's irrelevant.

Thanks


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## hastalavista (11 Sep 2011)

Re 1 you must do what ever is best for the child.
2: Yes indeed, look for it to be paid

Now that he is in employment, perhaps you should consider going for court ordered maintenance. He could fake self employed income but not now. Neither will he want his employer being asked to verify his income.

Its just depends on how much hardball you want to play, if any


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## Gurm (12 Sep 2011)

Thanks for that Hastalavista.

My main concern here is the overnighting, I pussy footed around this last night with the child and came to a full stop... I'm not staying. So I dropped it immediately. I will try to put something in the letter that asks that he considers what the child wants as opposed to dictating what will happen.

Re unpaid maintenance. Right now I'm just being bitchy and hitting back at the solicitors letters, which really galls me to be honest. This guy puts himself first and the child invariably comes second but I think that's just something that's not going to change. He had more contact with the child while self employed but then all of a sudden, 3 months later I get a letter telling me what he wants! I really struggle with the fact that there is no consideration for what the child wants. I didn't realise this until the letter arrived but after looking at the impact that this proposed access will have... the weekends will change dramatically for the child. Sporting activities, play dates with friends etc and I really think the routine will go straight out the window.

I still can't decide whether or not to mention the maintenance. My main priority is the access and whether or not he will demand the over night stays. I think a quiet sit down and chat with the child will determine that it's not really what he wants but having said that, that's never really bothered him before. I have another day or two to think about it before responding but I just get more and more confused so maybe I should just grab the bull by the horns and go for it and hope that common sense and consideration for the child might prevail.


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## Jazz01 (12 Sep 2011)

Personally, I have no experience of what you are going through, but have friends / family who have. I can understand your anger at the solicitors letter (they always write them like that, impersonal & demanding) but putting that aside, you need to make the decision on what is best for your child. 

The father might want to see his child now, realisation of what he is missing out on etc... personal circumstances may have changed for him to allow him to be in a position to ask for this. I take it that you are not on speaking terms with the father now... going through solicitors is a time consuming & expensive route... I don't know if it's possible that you could meet with the father & discuss things (others on AAM may say NO... keep it formal etc...etc), but sometimes just a calm constructive discussion may clear things up. 

You don't mention how old your child is in this. As you may understand, this will have an impact on the child also... so I would suggest to see what you would be happy with, then discuss with the child, but in a positive manner... initial over night might not be best as there would be too much change too quickly for your child. Routine MUST be kept... but maybe the father brings your child to his/her activities on the Saturday & goes for "lunch" afterwards? 

I would talk to your own solicitor aswell on this & seek the "professional" side of things, but maybe have things right in your own head. Also, you should NOT be tied to a response date. Just send a letter back acknowledging the receipt of the letter. I can't understand how they expect you to respond within a certain amount of time.

BUT remember this is just my opinion... you go with what you gut tells you...


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## Bronte (12 Sep 2011)

Gurm said:


> I think a quiet sit down and chat with the child will determine that it's not really what he wants .


 
Are you saying that the child does not want to stay with his father?  Does the child have input into all decisions that need to be made for him?

You received a legalistic letter from a solicitor.  Nothing abnormal about that.  Why read something into it.  It is in the child's best interest that he sees both his parents and that for the sake of the child both parents try to correspond and act like adults.


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## Gurm (12 Sep 2011)

Bronte yes, he does not want to stay overnight. He has tried many a sleep over at friends that ended in a call to come and get him - usually before he even put his pj's on. He has no problem going anywhere, anytime with his father, it's just the overnighting that's an issue. I am not sure what your point is with him having input? If the child is going to fret, be upset and miserable, I believe he should have an input. This issue was raised 12 months ago and he was seen by a child psychologist who created a detailed report which stated that overnighting would cause considerable upset to the child. (This report was ordered as a result of the child not wishing to see his father)

I am perfectly well aware of what's in the child's best interest and that is the only topic on my agenda. Due to the fact that he has been let down before, continuity is paramount.

Regarding both parents corresponding like adults.... historically, that has led to insidious lies and rediculous claims being made to his solicitor which thankfully, were proven to be without any foundation. You learn from your mistakes!!


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## SarahMc (13 Sep 2011)

I think an overnight in a friends house is a world away from overnight access with his father. But yes, this needs to be worked up to, with more regular and consistent day time access, leading to overnights, and ideally longer blocks of time. 

The maintenance issue is totally separate, and you should seek court ordered maintenance.


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## Bronte (14 Sep 2011)

Gurm said:


> He has no problem going anywhere, anytime with his father,
> 
> it's just the overnighting that's an issue.
> 
> This report was ordered as a result of the child not wishing to see his father


 
I find this contradictory?  As it's very personal you don't have to answer of course. 

Back to the parents, when there are breakups there can be a lot of unpleasteness (to put it mildly) but once that is over and done with, people should in the interests of their child try to get on and if not forgive past hurts, forget them.    

In your case your ex is now trying to be a better parent to his child, or so it seems from your post, and that can only be good for your child.  He needs to see his father, and overnighting would seem to be a perfectly normal request, even if the child is initially upset.


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## WizardDr (19 Sep 2011)

*Are you still interested in the Miantenance?*

@Gurm

Let me know if the Maintenance is still of interest.

There is a statutory obligation to pay maaintenance.

Are you in receipt of One Person Family Allowance?

If there were Solicitors involved I think this makes it a legal obligation i.e. there are enforcement procedures available.

Is he in PAYE employment?

Give us some more details will ya!


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