# Hubby to be- Brutal with Money



## suemoo (28 Nov 2006)

Hi all,

Just wondering if I could get some advice?

Im engaged to a fantastic guy however when it comes to money matters Im concerned. I must however point out firstly that when it comes to my finances Im very organised. Im 24 and have a pension, Max SSIA maturing next month and I also have some investments in stocks and an investment property. I think Im good at planning finances (im not a miser i go on holidays a couple of times a year and im always out and about : ) 
However im not sure if im being abit harsh with him because im good at my own money management and he is not...

He would earn approx 60k a year 
Mortage of 160k
personal loan 23k
small pension
struggles to meet loan repayments 
(he pays mortage and I pay all other bills so we pay out fair share) 

My plan is for us both to plough money into the mortage and pay if off in less then 10 years....however hubbys attitude to cash is worrying me....he constantly goes to the bank for top up loans and cant seem to manage from one week to the next, money burns a hole in his pocket and its like he is on a mission to get rid of it once he has it. Any advice on how to tackle this problem? at the end of the day im really concerned about the future, I may not always be working as we would like a large family and with childminding costs this may not be an option for us so he will be the breadwinner....All I want is for out finances and commitments to loans/mortages reduced to nothing or to such a low level it allows us to have a fantastic standard of living..... : )  I also want to be in the position to have a good nest egg for out pension and our future children and I know how to do all these things....but how do I convert hubby to be to my way of thinking???? I dont want to be nagging him either.

any suggestions?


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## polo9n (28 Nov 2006)

maybe a visit to bank fiancial advisor may change his view? at the end of the day seems like you the only able to manage the finance for the household.


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## Vanilla (28 Nov 2006)

Don't bother to try to convert him. Just take over his income, give him pocket money and leave it at that. Works for the women in our family!


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## polo9n (28 Nov 2006)

that would be the best solution, but this guy is making 60k a year..think he got a rather stronger will power..no offence


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## johndoe64 (28 Nov 2006)

Vanilla said:


> Don't bother to try to convert him. Just take over his income, give him pocket money and leave it at that. Works for the women in our family!


 
Just curious as to what value of his 60K would you put on "his pocket money"


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## MOB (28 Nov 2006)

My other half always knows what is in the bank.  I never do.  If a cheque is sent out and not cashed, other half gets annoyed at the 'incorrect' bank balance; I don't.  When I get paycheque, I simply phone and ask where am I to lodge it.  Spouse ensures that each of our accounts has enough dosh, and occasionally warns me not to pull any more from one or other account until payday.  

Before I was married, I was constantly overdrawn.  Now I never am.  Crucial to this, I think,  is that OH never criticises my lackadaisical attitiude to money (but it has to be said that I am not a big spender) and I never cry 'penny-pincher'.  It works fine.

I think that in any marriage, it is quite enough that one of the two has good book-keeping skills.  I wouldn't worry about it.  If there is a tendency to make extravagant commitments (big car, plasma screen, etc.) I would be more concerned, but bad day-to-day management is not really problematic as long as a spouse is prepared to (and happy to) fill the management deficit.


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## Lorz (28 Nov 2006)

Have to agree with MOB about each party bringing their own skills to the relationship.  My OH is also quite poor with managing his finances so I look after it through 24hr banking.  He has no idea of the amount or date our bills are due - mortgage, car loan, SSIA, etc.  I send him texts occassionally detailing the balance of his accounts.  He sees nothing wrong with being overdrawn - not because he didn't have the funds but because he didn't bother transferring money from another account!  

Overall, I would say - don't try to change your OH - you won't succeed.  Just come to terms with the fact that you are good with money while he is no doubt good at other things.


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## suemoo (28 Nov 2006)

Thanks for your responses.

The one think i do say about the hubby to be is that he is not extravant....he doesnt care for plasma Tvs and brand new cars....(thank god or we would be bankrupt at this stage!!) 

I dont want to take over and give him pocket money as at the end of the day he is a grown man and i dont think treating him like a child is the answer... (also he would also probaly tell me to feck off if i suggested
that!!: ) What i need is for him to change his behaviour...maybe I should set Eddie Hobbs on him....

we have always kept our finances completly seperate, we have agreed household expensies we both pay, we have seperate bank accounts and we go halfs on holidays or any other expenses that come up from time to time.

I suppose the real problem here is that soon our finanicial lives will be merged....and im really concerened that we will butt heads over this issue again and again...... (well it would be me having a freak attack worrying all the time) 

I suppose setting groundrules would help....
any suggestions as to what they could be?

example 
1: no credit cards unless cleared each month
2: no loans for either of us unless both agree
3: no overdrafts
4: 20% invested into pension
5:?
6: ?
7: ?
8: ?


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## liteweight (28 Nov 2006)

Hopefully, in every partnership, the couple eventually realise one another's strengths and weaknesses. Your strength amongst others I presume, is finance. I was always in this position too. Mr. LW has absolutely no interest and never thinks where his money is coming from or going to. Years ago we agreed that I'd look after it, as I'm better at it. It's not a case of giving 'pocket money', he looks after his own accounts and transfers everything needed to pay for everyday life and savings by direct debit. I put suggestions to him and we discuss how viable the particular option is....he's good at that, just not good at thinking of an option in the first place, if you know what I mean.

You need to really discuss this with your husband, not argue. From his point of view, he works hard and deserves what he spends. I'd do it slowly, asking him to get rid of the high interest loan first. Perhaps he'd agree not to take out another top up before he talks to you. This is only fair as his bills become yours over time.

I should point out that it's  easy to become so focussed on tomorrow, that you don't live for today. Live a little, you're only 24 and you seem to be well set on the road to financial stability. I've just noticed that Mob replied to this post. I agree with everything said and s/he describes out situation perfectly which works very well in our case too.


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## ACA (28 Nov 2006)

Before I married, I was always in some kind of financial bind and like a lot of younger people lived from one pay check to the next. Luckily(??) my husband is woeful with cash and make my budgeting look great - so I had to take over the financial reins - we would have ended up sleeping in a ditch otherwise! Because he was SO bad at handling money, I HAD to learn to budget better.

Major purchases get decided together - everything else, I organise - shopping, bills, mortgage payments, etc. You never know hubby might be glad to lose the money monster and have you handle things.


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## Vanilla (28 Nov 2006)

Calling it pocket money gives it a demeaning aspect, but in reality it works. Of my siblings, I think there is only one where the man, one of my brothers, is in charge of finance. In all the others, the women, sister or sister in law is in charge. That does not mean to say that the men in question are treated like children. On the contrary they are all intelligent, highly skilled professionals who have an equal share in various family responsibilities. But their wives are better at managing the finances so they have ( in all cases) happily abdicated responsibility to the other half. Quite honestly this means they get pocket money( call it what you like if it sounds better) and the rest is managed by their wives. In my case I manage the finances, but sometimes I can't turn on the television ( it's bloody complicated!). As to how much, well it really depends on the circumstances, but basically its enough for lunch each day, the paper, and a few extra quid for bits and bobs. If Mr.V needs anything else he has a credit card, but any major purchases are a joint decision. And yes, I do check the credit card bill, but only because if it were up to him he would never open the envelope. 

At the end of the day it's very difficult to 'change' a grown man, and a lot easier to play to your respective strengths.


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## suemoo (28 Nov 2006)

Thanks Liteweight....and everyone else! : )

and dont worry, I do live for today!!! im blessed that I also  have a well paid job. (60-80k ) so I do blow cash on having fun and going out alot.

 I also intend on blowing at least 10k of SSIA on shopping and random nonsense, hot air ballons ride, overpriced flatscreen TV , pressies for family and friends, poss might trade up car for 2000 Audi TT !!Woooohoooooooo!!!


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## paddi22 (28 Nov 2006)

We sorted this out by thrashing out a budget, and dividing the money into four different streams when it comes in. 

-First stream of money goes into a high interest regular saver account.
-Second stream goes into an aib online savings account where we can access it immediately for bigger amounts like car insurance or yearly larger bills, also for things like weddings, holidays etc
-Third goes into a joint current account to pay monthly bills etc
-Fourth he can do what he likes with!


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## Lorz (28 Nov 2006)

Why not transfer money from his account to the joint acount to cover his bills before they become due but just after pay day.  My OH checks his balance and thinks - great, plenty there but forgets that perhaps the mortgage is due in 2 days.  By tranferring the money for bills directly after payday he know exactly how much disposable income he has for the remainder of the month.  

Be very careful how you tackle this.  Money is at the root of so many arguments between couples.  Pocket money wouldn't work for us and neither would rules.  We both work hard and so I am not going to tell him what he can and can't do with his money.  Incidentally you don't have to merge your finances when you get married.  The majority of our friends haven't (which I originally thought strange) but whatever works for you & your relationship.


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## slave1 (28 Nov 2006)

put it all on a single piece of A3 paper via spreadsheet, spell it out, when explained fully he will understand


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## paddi22 (28 Nov 2006)

yeah the ground rules about loans and credit cards should definitely be set down in stone. That stuff affects you and you should def be consulted. 

What about making him set up a regular saver account where the money is transferred by standing order at the start of each pay month. At least that way you can rest easy that money is getting saved. if you are saving money its only fair he pulls his weight.

What i find handy is also having two other accounts. A current account with a debit card for living expenses etc. And also an online savings account that i can access immediately without penalty  that I transfer a couple of hundred a month to to cover xmas presents, car insurance and weddings etc. 

That way both short term, long term and savings are dealt with at start of month and whats left is to spend at will!


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## suemoo (28 Nov 2006)

Thanks Lorz.....

In fairness to him he does have the mortage and his loan coming straight out from him wages so they do get paid......

I will have to sit down and have a good think about all your suggestions...I do agree Lorz  that money is at the root of so many problems in relationships and thats why i need to sort this issue now......

I will let you know how i get on! im going to have to have a chat with him.


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## fobs (28 Nov 2006)

I lok after most of the finances in the household like bills,CC's etc... and look after the transfer of wages from my DH's business account into pur joint account. We can both spend what we need to on a daily basis but we would consult each other before spending any large amount of money. All our accounts are joint accounts and as my DH prefers me to look after the money I will do it. We both earn roughtly the same money but know if I didn't open his post and sort out what bills etc.. had to be paid it wouldn't be done. This works for us.


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## annR (28 Nov 2006)

Suemoo

What's his attitude to this? Does he acknowledge that you're better at managing finances or might he take offence? I would suss out his feelings on it and I agree with previous poster to be careful not to hit any sore spots, it can be a sensitive topic for both parties.

Rereading your initial post, it sounds to me like you think his spending is a bit out of control. This may be a different issue than simply managing finances if he has to change his spending habits. One approach is to discuss the larger plan with him, agree on investments etc and he'll just have to make do with what he's left with . . .but will he just keep going to the bank for top up loans?  

A


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## MOB (28 Nov 2006)

"I dont want to take over and give him pocket money as at the end of the day he is a grown man and i dont think treating him like a child is the answer... (also he would also probaly tell me to feck off if i suggested
that!!: ) What i need is for him to change his behaviour..."

You are right not to want to be controlling.  But changing his behaviour does not sound to me like the right goal either.

Obviously I don't know either of you, and my coments are necessarily general.  But cliches become cliches for a reason.  One such is

 "A woman marries a man thinking she can change him, but she can't.  A man marries a woman thinking she won't change, but she does"

If you present this to your hubby as you 'taking control' and doling out pocket money, of course he will resent it. He needs to feel that he retains some element of control.  The correct way to approach it is to arrive at a situation where your husband almost feels that he has you employed to look after his money.  He will then quite happily defer to you, his financial manager, whilst simultaneously believing that you are in some sense doing his bidding.  The little lies like this which we tell ourselves all the time are essential in almost any marriage.  Honestly.  

You are good with money; he is not; you are prepared to look after it; he is not;  it is not a matter of taking control, but of you volunteering to handle a job which he neither likes nor has any particular aptitide for.


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## ClubMan (28 Nov 2006)

polo9n said:


> maybe a visit to bank fiancial advisor may change his view? at the end of the day seems like you the only able to manage the finance for the household.


Don't expect independent, professional, comprehensive financial advice from tied agents of a particular bank. If you need advice get an independent advisor.


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## mell61 (28 Nov 2006)

I'd say you need to sit down and discuss it, one thing I see is that you're engaged, but I didn't notice any info on wedding / saving for wedding....    Although you may not have yet set date or discussed exactly when it will happen it may be a good way of raising the discussion.   
Give yourselves a short term goal of saving for a contingency fund for a wedding, and see how he feels about that, would he be happy enough for you to be the driver on this bit of the finance...  
Let this be the baby step toward openly discussing your finances.    You could say that havig €5-10k ready for paying deposits will help you both planning the future.


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## suemoo (28 Nov 2006)

hi mell.........we plan on marrying next summer...havent set a date yet but we will be in the next couple of weeks......we dont need to save to for the wedding as my folks are dontating 10k to pay for it.. (god bless them both : ) ....I dont intend in going over that amount as i feel thats too much to spend on one day as it is.......so cant tie  him down with that!!!!!


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## mell61 (28 Nov 2006)

well good luck on that, can you try a €10k honeymoon fund ;-)

I got married earlier this year, and completely off your original subject, I'd recommend you ask everyone for discounts, from hotel to car to dress.... it'll take a hard neck, but you'll be surprised by how many discounts you can get!


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## triplex (28 Nov 2006)

It's not his debt you have to worry about, it's his attitude to money. If his attitude is flippant now and he has nothing to show for his debt, he'll treat your joint finances the very same way. 

be careful..


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## suemoo (28 Nov 2006)

annR said:


> Suemoo
> 
> What's his attitude to this? Does he acknowledge that you're better at managing finances or might he take offence? I would suss out his feelings on it and I agree with previous poster to be careful not to hit any sore spots, it can be a sensitive topic for both parties.
> 
> ...


Hi Ann......

Im not sure what cateogry I would put him in, he is not a wreckless spender, just a very poor planner.....he does have mortage and loan come straignt out of his wages so they are always paid and is isnt a flashy guy so he doesnt waste money on nonsense....he loves to go out for meals a a few pints, he is a social guy and loves people! one of the reasons why i love him so much!!

Things came to a  head a while ago when i got a wake up call to his poor planning.....he used to pay the ESB bill and for some reason the money was not deducted for 6mth (he is on a billpay direct from his wages scheme) he didnt notice and they cut us off!!!!!  we sorted the same day and got it turned back on again as we had the cash to pay for it but this is just as example of why im concerened..........after that happended I began to question his spending habits more, i asked him if i could see his statements and saw the numerous top up loans (he was badly hurt in a car crash a couple of years ago and is due a very well deserved payout in the next year or two) so his attitude is "i will clear it when the money comes through"  but i think thats the wrong attitude to have......knowing him that money will be gone in 6mths!! 

It is a sore point for him, i think he is under alot of stress with his poor money mangement and all I want to do is to help him out and get his finances on track............


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## suemoo (28 Nov 2006)

triplex said:


> It's not his debt you have to worry about, it's his attitude to money. If his attitude is flippant now and he has nothing to show for his debt, he'll treat your joint finances the very same way.
> 
> be careful..


 
triplex.....you have hit the nail on the head!  but i will be damned if im going down that route. I want stability and money to be a source of pleasure in our lives, not one to fall out over


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## suemoo (28 Nov 2006)

mell61 said:


> well good luck on that, can you try a €10k honeymoon fund ;-)
> 
> I got married earlier this year, and completely off your original subject, I'd recommend you ask everyone for discounts, from hotel to car to dress.... it'll take a hard neck, but you'll be surprised by how many discounts you can get!


 

oooo thanks for that tip!! i will play hardball then : )


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## Shmee (28 Nov 2006)

Hi There,
With money most (alot) of people earn more and more but never seem to have any spare cash i.e. the more you have the more you spend. Often if you try to explain what's going on it comes across as a lecture, there's a game called Cashflow 101 invented by the author of Rich Dad Poor Dad books, its a bit like monopoly but you begin to understand were all the money is going. Maybe buy a copy, its a bit expensive so try ebay, play a few games and through the game he should learn how to manage his (yours soon) money a bit better.

Shmee


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## HotdogsFolks (28 Nov 2006)

Not everyone wants to be watching every cent - some people have bigger priorities in their lives. Obviously that is the kind of guy Mr. Suemoo is.

He actually doesn't sound totally useless with money. Just... could do with a few little fixes here and there.

This whole idea of him having to discuss his spending or you controlling his money is horrendous, really.

I know this forum is about people who are mildly obsessed with money, but most people are not like the AAM members!

Chat to him about being more responsible with his money. Don't treat him like a child...


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## r2d2 (28 Nov 2006)

suemoo,

A quick question for you.....

Is it obvious to you what he's spending his money on....e.g. can you see a tangible purchase/purchases ?

r2d2


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## liteweight (28 Nov 2006)

MOB said:


> The correct way to approach it is to arrive at a situation where your husband almost feels that he has you employed to look after his money.  He will then quite happily defer to you, his financial manager, whilst simultaneously believing that you are in some sense doing his bidding.  The little lies like this which we tell ourselves all the time are essential in almost any marriage.  Honestly.
> 
> You are good with money; he is not; you are prepared to look after it; he is not;  it is not a matter of taking control, but of you volunteering to handle a job which he neither likes nor has any particular aptitide for.



Have you been reading my diary?


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## suemoo (28 Nov 2006)

hi there Hotdogsfolks.......thanks for your reply...

thats actually one of the reasons why i posted for some advice as I accept that when it comes to my own finances im pretty much on top of things and i certainly dont want to to come across like his mother or some type of female eddie hobbs!! as you can see i totaly disagreed with the "pocket money" idea.........

i just want to help as i know he is under pressure with it all


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## suemoo (28 Nov 2006)

r2d2 hi and thanks for your reply....

yes i know what he is spending on (so he doesnt have a secret drug or gambling habit!!) 

meals out
pub
going away
computer games
generally enjoying life!


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## r2d2 (28 Nov 2006)

suemoo said:


> r2d2 hi and thanks for your reply....
> 
> yes i know what he is spending on (so he doesnt have a secret drug or gambling habit!!)


 
And there was me thinking he sounded like he was having fun.... 

Actually, in all seriousness he sounds a bit like I was (without the additional vices)....Best thing Mrs d2 did was get a hold of me, kick me in my metal butt and take the reigns until I grew up and copped on. Men can tend in their 20's - maybe 30 (although I do know many exceptions) to be quite immature and all over the place with money...!

Anyway, if he loves you and values your relationship he'll work with you to find a common ground on this one !

Best of luck,

r2d2


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## liteweight (28 Nov 2006)

Another good tack is to tell him you're sick of looking after the finances. Ask him to do it for a few months. He'll be pleading with you to take over after month 2.


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## annR (28 Nov 2006)

Hi

Why does he need all the top up loans, what is he spending his money on then?  

Is he saving anything in order to pay off the top up loans?

A


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## suemoo (28 Nov 2006)

he spends his money on going out and in general ejoying life.......then along comes a bill - car insurance renewal,xmas etc and wham, he has no money to pay for stuff like this so he gets a top up loan to pay for stuff like that.....he only gets small laons --500euro-1000...


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## Murt10 (28 Nov 2006)

The general consensus of the thread from both sexes so far seems to be that women are better at managing day to day money affairs than men.

Years ago, when I was young and single my CC was constantly maxed out. My wages used to bring my overdraft down below the authorised level and I was always in debt. I hadn't a penny to my name and it didn't worry me.

When I grew up a bit and moved in with the G/F and we took out a mortgage. We decided that we would have a joint finances and accounts. I was really looking forward to sepnding Ms Murts money.  

It didn't happen that way. She took complete control of the finances. It was what was needed at the time. 

Now I don't bother about money or what account it is in.  As long as there is money in the account when I want it I'm relatively happy. Mrs Murt looks after all the bills, savings and other matters. She moves the money round from one account to another and makes sure that all the bills are paid when they are due. Major decisions are discussed. She is still by nature far more cautious than I am and hates when I want to take a punt on something speculative (ie recent Aer Lingus flotation). 

I think a lot of young fellas have the same attitude about money as I had. It's in the genes (some have it more than others).  Spend now worry later. Over very long periods of evolution men have been hunter gatherers. Women on the other hand in general stayed at home. They seen to it that their children will be fed and cared for and they were in charge of running the home. The womans job was no less important. It just requires a different kind of skill. 

Just because we've had womens lib for the past 50 or so years doesn't change millions of years of evolution. Women now work outside the home, but in my experience at home it's still the woman who is the real boss. We are what we are. 

On the same subject in a way. I always find it amusing when I hear a woman in work say that she is taking a day off to give the house a thorough spring cleaning. When was the last time you heard a man say that? Men regard their day off as a day of leisure.

If you try a financial system and it works for you. That's all that matters.


Murt


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## Dreamerb (28 Nov 2006)

I have to say I find some of the suggestions on this topic close to shocking - doling out money to the other half sounds like a recipe for disaster. That said, finances can be one of the biggest stressors in a relationship if things get tight so it's important to know where you stand. 

One of the other posters mentioned that it's not essential to merge finances completely, and I'd amplify that: in fact if anything, I think it's a good idea not to. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you abrogate any right to personal space, and that includes some financial autonomy; I think a lot of people feel they ought to merge finances completely when marrying, and really don't understand why. Don't do it unless you're totally comfortable with it. Personal view only, of course, but mercifully shared by the other half!

It's usually a good plan for one person to be the bill-payer - whether running it through your own a/c, or whether you both set up a joint account and feed it by direct debits from personal bank accounts. Sounds like the bill-payer should be you, suemoo, since you notice whether or not the bills are paid! And you might want to have a joint savings account for contingencies, big purchases, holidays, whatever. But then again, you might each want to keep your savings entirely personal, and that's also reasonable. 

Do discuss finances openly, and the degree to which you want to merge your finances, but as part of overall planning for the future. Are there big things to save for - house upgrade? children? furniture? You'll want to feel you're both pulling your weight on things like that. And there're long term issues to consider as well - retirement and pensions are cheaper the earlier you get the ball rolling. More than anything else, know where you both stand - and make it a discussion, not a confrontation or an "intervention"!


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## annR (28 Nov 2006)

Does he share the same goal as you i.e. paying off the mortgage in 10 years?  If so, he should see that he should discuss with you about how he can contribute to that instead of getting into debt.  But if he's stressed about it or has issues about separate finances etc it might take him some time to get around to that conversation where you help him manage his finances.

You sound like you're on top of your own finances so would have no problem in advising him there.


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## tivanagh (28 Nov 2006)

Could he have a coke or gambling problem you don't know about??


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## tivanagh (28 Nov 2006)

Sorry just noticed someone else said the same thing. It just seems weird to me. I have a much bigger mortgage(unfortunatly) and get the same pay roughly as himself. I go out every fri sat without fail have a car and still never have had to go for a loan ever. The whole thing just seems a bit fishy to me.


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## Guest109 (28 Nov 2006)

earning 60k a year why on earth dos he need to be borrowing,is he a secret gambler by any chance?


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## Nermal (28 Nov 2006)

ainya said:


> earning 60k a year why on earth dos he need to be borrowing,is he a secret gambler by any chance?


 
Indeed, and she is on "60-80K" at age 24, short of a serious coke habit they will work out just fine!


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## Marie (28 Nov 2006)

suemoo said:


> Hi all,
> 
> Just wondering if I could get some advice?
> 
> ...


 
Hi!  If I've understood you correctly you are living together in your fiance's house and plan to get married.  Currently _he _continues to pay the mortgage on his house and the remainder of the bills are shared?........yes?  You plan to start contributing to the mortgage.  

If I have understood this correctly it would explain why he has less disposable income than yourself at present and needs 'top-up' loans.  If you _do _mutually decide that you will share responsibility for the mortgage I suggest you discuss this very thoroughly - preferably with an outside financial advisor - as presumably your idea would be to become a joint mortgagee?  At the beginning of a relationship people don't want to think about the eventuality if for any reason they split up, fall out, grow apart, change incompatibly and this kind of thing happens all over the place.  You would be signing up to the mortgage at a relatively late stage and need to establish firm, written understanding on that score.


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## liteweight (29 Nov 2006)

No, she pays all the bills while he pays the mortgage.


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## suemoo (29 Nov 2006)

Just to clarify!!!!

He doesnt have a coke habit or is a raging gambler!! ha ha 

I pay the bills - phone,ESB,heating,Sky, most of the shopping, and the SSIA (which is both our next egg for when we have some chislers running about)  and he pays the mortage

his out goings are the mortage - approx 800 a month and he also pays back his loan approx 20k at this stage I think he pays 100 a week on that as well....so he pays out about 1200 a month.

hmmmm I suppose its that bloody loan thats knackering him.


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## annR (29 Nov 2006)

20k of a loan is a fairly hefty loan - wonder what the interest on that is.  

Would he not reduce the social spending and pay off his loan?  Does he have a credit card bill?

You say he's getting stressed about it - has he made any movement at all to stay in and save some money instead?


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## suemoo (29 Nov 2006)

annR said:


> 20k of a loan is a fairly hefty loan - wonder what the interest on that is.
> 
> Would he not reduce the social spending and pay off his loan? Does he have a credit card bill?
> 
> You say he's getting stressed about it - has he made any movement at all to stay in and save some money instead?


 


intrest on the loan is good- 7% from a credit union.

he doesnt have a credit card - I managed to talk him into getting rid of his and he uses my one instead for any purchases he needs with credit - as i pay mine off straight away

He hasnt made a huge attempt if im honest about cutting back on going out....


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## Winnie (29 Nov 2006)

I would suggest - opening up two joint accounts, one current account & one savings account.  Work out how much needs to go into the Joint Current account every month to cover mortgage, groceries, esb & other joint household expenses (along with annual expenses like house insurance), divide this amount by 2 & then set up a standing order from both of your own personal accounts to cover these.  Have all joint bills coming out of this joint current account.
The 2 of you then need to discuss how much you would like to save & then have another standing order set up into joint deposit account for this.
Have these standing orders set up so that they come out the day after pay day.
You can then if you choose monitor the joint account in case t/fs need to be increased for any reason & can make sure that all bills are paid - but it doesnt appear that you are controlling his money which is good - you are simply controlling your joint finances.

Then its up to you both what you do with the remainder of your money.

This is the way we work - both t/f €1.2k into joint account & that covers everything joint.  I don't answer to him regarding my personal spending/loans etc & he doesnt answer to me!  Sometimes we would discuss & each of us would suggest ideas to other regarding personal finance but don't make decisions for each other.  All large joint purchases are discussed by both of us. 

You can't try to change someone into your way of thinking that will deff cause fights - I learned this early on.  Diff people deal with their finances in diff ways.  

Now I suppose if he was getting deeply in debt that might be an issue but try the joint thing & see how it goes first, at least that way joint stuff will be ok, & mayb if that works out you can start to gently tackle the topup loans etc.

Have to say that the whole pocket money thing is beyond me - I think that it probably does suit some people but I could never do it.


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## suemoo (29 Nov 2006)

Hi Winnie.......I appricate your response...I also feel that your suggestion could really work for us.

 I suppose the end result I want is for our finances as a couple is finanical  security....yet for us both to retain control and responsability for our spending...im not his mammy and i dont want to be shelling out pocket money!! as I said earlier if i even attempted to suggest this he would tell me to feck off (i woudl do the same if that was suggested to me) 

Im going to sit down with him and put your idea to him and see what he says! : ) 

thanks again all for your input, I wont go into this conversation head first now so the outcome should be positive!


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## HotdogsFolks (29 Nov 2006)

suemoo said:


> I suppose the end result I want is for our finances as a couple is finanical security....


 
You have a combined income of €120 - 140k per year, and you have a home with a smallish mortgage payment.

I assure you, you are already waaaaaaay more financially secure than the average Irish person


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## hotlips (29 Nov 2006)

suemoo said:


> Hi Winnie.......I appricate your response...I also feel that your suggestion could really work for us.
> 
> I suppose the end result I want is for our finances as a couple is finanical security....yet for us both to retain control and responsability for our spending...im not his mammy and i dont want to be shelling out pocket money!! as I said earlier if i even attempted to suggest this he would tell me to feck off (i woudl do the same if that was suggested to me)
> 
> ...


 

If either of you like to use the computer (hopefully him!), you might want to try using Microsoft Money or something similar. (I have no connection to Microsoft.) You can have all bills scheduled in it so you can always see what's coming up in the near future, and you can generate reports on where your money is going and make projections for the future.
I find it really helpful although there's a little bit of regular work involved if you want to keep everything up to date.  My hub has no interest at all in money but will look at the information in MS Money occassionally and play around with the reports to see where we stand.


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## casiopea (29 Nov 2006)

Are there any good opensource versions of something like microsoft money?


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## PGD1 (29 Nov 2006)

yes, create your own spreadsheet like I did. I have the entire year forecast in advance as I know when money comes in and out and I put in floats at the end of each month for "spending money".... which get reduced as money is spent. It's an easy way to track your spending.


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## briancbyrne (29 Nov 2006)

god !... I hear the Sunday World has a good problem page!  ;-)


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## DoctorEvil (29 Nov 2006)

casiopea said:


> Are there any good opensource versions of something like microsoft money?



I have used Ace Money Lite and it is pretty good (and free).

[broken link removed]


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## marcellaf (13 Apr 2007)

hi Suemoo - any update on the situation? how did Christmas go with his spending?  This is a very interesting topic and one which I know I (and probably many more ) could learn a lot from various people's inputs.

My biggest question is how to persuade/cajole someone in to doing a cash diary?  I can't seem to get my other half past day 2 before he chucks in the towel and therefore he doesn't really know where his money goes.  Also makes it quite difficult to plan ahead.

So any update?  Are you and Mr. Suemoo to be now like Mr. and Mrs Eddie Hobbs?!


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