# Would you ever go out with someone who is married



## pinkyBear (1 Sep 2010)

Following from elainem's post where she was not sure if a guy she was seeing was married... 

Would you go out with a married person????? 

I knew a girl (we went to school and collage together) who would only ever go out with married men... I had lost touch with her over the years and bumped into her 2 years ago, she is seeing a guy... He's married, 4 kids (all grown up now), and his wife knows about this girl...!
P...


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## pixiebean22 (1 Sep 2010)

I'm not married and would not date a married man nor a man with kids (my own reasons).

I think that the kind of situation you describe just makes a mockery of marriage and what it is supposed to mean. These days it is a choice whereas in the past it would most certainly have been frowned upon not to get married and have kids, so you would think that people wouldn't bother going through the process of getting married when what they really want is a girlfriend(s)/boyfriend(s).

I assume that man's wife has no respect for herself and neither of them have respect for the vows they made.


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## pinkyBear (1 Sep 2010)

Hi there,

I am married, no kids though.. I like a simple life, hense I have no intentions of dipping my toes in another stream! I think what amazed me about this girl (we used actually be best friends!) was that she would only choose a married man as a partner, even when we were younger. 

Her arguement was, she did not want to settle down.. I mean the irony is I knew loads of guys who never had eny interest in settling down! 
P..


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## pixiebean22 (1 Sep 2010)

Would he not have his hands full enough as it is with his wife nevermind going off and finding someone else to "court".

Also, we've all said that in our youth.  I was more anti-committment than any other lad on the planet until I met my bf, now it's all dreaming of marriage and babies and dancing a merry path together.  It takes meeting the right person, who you are compatible with to realise what you want.


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## Betsy Og (1 Sep 2010)

Strange one Pinky - maybe she only has limited needs and prefers not to have her man hanging around so him having to go to his family suits her.

Would she be specifically into "home wrecking" or would she just be helping others to move on, post bust up?


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## pinkyBear (1 Sep 2010)

> be specifically into "home wrecking" or would she just be helping others to move on


..

She never had any interest in the men if they were to leave their wives!  She did not want to know! As long as she could be the mistress she was happy.... Her current partner is married as I mentioned, and my friend wants him to stay that way.. I am not sure how she feels about his wife, but I would think not alot! 

This is why we "parted ways" all those years ago...


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## pixiebean22 (1 Sep 2010)

I just can't comprehend why she would put herself in that situation that could hurt so many people.  Yes his kids are grown up but they're still his children.  

I mean does she go out for dinner and socialise with him or is it purely a "bedroom" relationship?


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## Sunny (1 Sep 2010)

I have never gone out with a married woman but I have been with them. I would never go out specifically looking for a married woman or actively chase after one but if she is willing to cheat, then it's her problem and not mine.  

I have friends who take their wedding rings off when they are out. Not because they want to cheat but they want to be able to flirt. I find that really odd.


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## Betsy Og (1 Sep 2010)

Suppose older men have the cash to splash, there the danger element of it all. Dont sound much like love/affection/relationship though.

Isnt there a word for someone who sleep with you in return for worldly goods?   (& not its not marriage , even the busty model marries 90 year old oil tycoon type)


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## Sunny (1 Sep 2010)

It's not just men who cheat. Believe me, there are plenty of unhappy married women out there.


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## pixiebean22 (1 Sep 2010)

Know what you mean Sunny, have seen in pubs/clubs men removing wedding rings to go and get their jollies without awkward questions.  

_"I would never go out specifically looking for a married woman or actively chase after one but if she is willing to cheat, then it's her problem and not mine." _

I do agree with you there, although personally I would never participate in cheating of any form, but to actively go out and just pursue men who are as unavailable as can be is horrible behaviour.


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## Betsy Og (1 Sep 2010)

Sunny said:


> I have never gone out with a married woman but I have been with them.


 
Without wanting to sound too judgemental or pure (maybe I'd have "sinned", when single, if offered by a married woman) but jaysus that sounds naff. There's surely enough single ones on the go.

I didnt go in for catholic guilt vis a vis fornication before marriage, but I think you're defo offside having  it away with a married woman.


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## Sunny (1 Sep 2010)

Betsy Og said:


> I didnt go in for catholic guilt vis a vis fornication before marriage, but I think you're defo offside having it away with a married woman.


 
Why? It's no different to being with someone with a boyfriend/girlfriend. I didn't make a committment to anyone. The guilt is theirs. 

I have never went looking to be with a married woman or someone with a boyfriend but it has happened.


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## pixiebean22 (1 Sep 2010)

My bf and I were only having this same discussion on Sunday about a friend of his who had been kicked out of his marital (sounds so corny) home by his wife because he cheated on her and the wife went around and kicked the **** out of the "other" girl but the punishment for the husband, the person in the marriage who made the vows was "just" kicked out.  I really don't agree with that.  While yes the girl in that situation holds some of the blame, she wasn't married/committed to anybody and she didn't actively go out seeking to ruin someone's marriage but the husband did.


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## Sunny (1 Sep 2010)

pixiebean22 said:


> My bf and I were only having this same discussion on Sunday about a friend of his who had been kicked out of his marital (sounds so corny) home by his wife because he cheated on her and the wife went around and kicked the **** out of the "other" girl but the punishment for the husband, the person in the marriage who made the vows was "just" kicked out. I really don't agree with that. While yes the girl in that situation holds some of the blame, she wasn't married/committed to anybody and she didn't actively go out seeking to ruin someone's marriage but the husband did.


 
Yeah, I don't get it. To be honest I can't stand cheating. Happened to me once and it hurt like hell. However, it was my girlfriends fault, not the guy she was with. He didn't know me from Adam so what did he care.


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## pinkyBear (1 Sep 2010)

Its funny, my SIL is going out with this guy (none of us like him) and we encourage her to be unfaithful to her bf!!!  Although she hasn't! I have even tried setting her up! 

My opinion may be odd, but if your married - you have made a commitment, and you should not stray. However if your not married, you have made no legal commitment - so you know.. the world is your oyster .. play away .. play away!  That is if you want to..


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## Betsy Og (1 Sep 2010)

Sunny said:


> Why? It's no different to being with someone with a boyfriend/girlfriend. I didn't make a committment to anyone. The guilt is theirs.


 
If you know are you not an accessory to the "crime"? 

How about a brutal analogy for the craic, you come across someone breaking into a car, he's trying to hotwire the car but doesnt know the wires to cross, you helpfully explain what to do and walk on by. Ok its his crime but didnt you help it happen?

I'd accept that you have the lesser responsibility but, all in all, I think people should stay away from married persons..... (sound like a dinosaur I suppose but there you go....)


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## DB74 (1 Sep 2010)

Sunny said:


> To be honest I can't stand cheating.


 
But you have no problem facilitating it if it suits you.

"It doesn't affect me so why do I care."

The motto for modern Ireland.


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## pixiebean22 (1 Sep 2010)

I don't agree with cheating. If you want to be with someone else go be with them and don't try to convince yourself or anyone else that you love the person you're thinking of straying from and that's the reason you're staying with them while cheating on them.

It's so dishonest and so shady and hurts so many people.


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## Liamos (1 Sep 2010)

If you know another person is married, you shouln't go near them. You can't just say it's the married person's fault. That other person has a husband / wife and possibly children and you are knowingly causing hurt to that family.


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## Sunny (1 Sep 2010)

Betsy Og said:


> If you know are you not an accessory to the "crime"?
> 
> How about a brutal analogy for the craic, you come across someone breaking into a car, he's trying to hotwire the car but doesnt know the wires to cross, you helpfully explain what to do and walk on by. Ok its his crime but didnt you help it happen?
> 
> I'd accept that you have the lesser responsibility but, all in all, I think people should stay away from married persons..... (sound like a dinosaur I suppose but there you go....)


 
You don't sound like a dinosaur. It's a fair attitude. If given a choice between a single woman and a married woman, I would always choose the single one because there is a chance for it to go somewhere..

However if I am out and a few drinks have been had and a woman is flirting with me, I tend to ignore anything that might be on the finger! I am not saying I am proud of it but I don't beat myself up over it either. I should point out this has only happened a couple of times in a long and mainly unsuccessful dating life!


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## TarfHead (1 Sep 2010)

I never received as much unsolicited attention from women before I got married. The wedding ring is like a flame to those moths.

From the other side, I wonder how a single woman can believe anything a married man might say to her. After all, he's already deceiving his wife. Once he'd broken that vow, his promises are empty.


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## PyritePete (1 Sep 2010)

TarfHead said:


> I never received as much unsolicited attention from women before I got married. The wedding ring is like a flame to those moths.


 
+1, some women see it as a challenge to "click" with a married man. I have found myself in 1 or 2 situations where I experienced the above. If you could only see me...you too would wonder why 

I never take my wedding ring off, even display it clearly and state I am not looking for anything. Story, end of.


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## truthseeker (2 Sep 2010)

I personally think people who are with people they KNOW to be married are as bad as the married person themselves. Yes, I know the whole argument of 'well its the responsibility of the married person to not cheat etc...' - but if there werent people willing to knowingly be with married people, there would be less married cheaters!!

If a married person came onto me the foremost thought in my mind would be that they were not a nice person because they were willing to cheat - so Id have no interest on that basis alone. 

If someone is willing to treat their husband/wife with such disrespect then that says a lot about the type of person they are.


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## pinkyBear (2 Sep 2010)

Hi there, truthseeker, I agree with you whole heartedly. It takes a very strong person IMO to be married and remain faithful, the reality is there is so much temptation out there for people.  IMO some one who cheats, the reality is they have a very weak character....

P..


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## Caveat (2 Sep 2010)

TBH, there is one married woman that I would see and go out with fairly regularly. We both enjoy it, I don't see much harm in it.


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## ney001 (2 Sep 2010)

Caveat said:


> TBH, there is one married woman that I would see and go out with fairly regularly. We both enjoy it, I don't see much harm in it.



lol   Yeah but she's only using you for your body!


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## fizzelina (2 Sep 2010)

Caveat said:


> TBH, there is one married woman that I would see and go out with fairly regularly. We both enjoy it, I don't see much harm in it.


 
But do you "go out" like to a pub / restaurant, in public?? Is there not a risk of someone seeing you? Or is it a bedroom relationship?


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## PaddyW (2 Sep 2010)

I've been with two married women in the past. They weren't very happy as they were, well, so they say. Who's to know? The first one flirted with me for weeks before we first got together. The flattery got me! I wasn't very proud of myself, nor the second time round. But it happens sometimes and it may happen again. I myself would never cheat on anyone, but I have found that I catch myself thinking that if these women were able to do it, then what's to say it would never happen to me. Which is probably why I'm single! 

I just reckon, if you want be with someone, be with them. But if you've already got ties, then maybe sever those ties if there is nothing in the relationship, before you move to the new person.


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## ney001 (2 Sep 2010)

fizzelina said:


> But do you "go out" like to a pub / restaurant, in public?? Is there not a risk of someone seeing you? Or is it a bedroom relationship?



I suspect that he might be seeing this particular married lady for some time!


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## Purple (2 Sep 2010)

fizzelina said:


> But do you "go out" like to a pub / restaurant, in public?? Is there not a risk of someone seeing you? Or is it a bedroom relationship?



In the case of the married woman I see it’s all of the above. I suspect Caveat is in the same situation.


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## TarfHead (2 Sep 2010)

pinkyBear said:


> It takes a very strong person IMO to be married and remain faithful,


 
-1

I've been married for close on 12 years. Never once have I been tempted to betray my vows. I would not consider myself to be a '_a very strong person_'.


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## pinkyBear (2 Sep 2010)

I've been tempted to stray.. Mr Bear and I were going though the worst time ever, and well I was close to someone and we both were really tempted to start something. I didn't though.  

I wouln't necessarily say I am the strongest person ever! but it does take strength of character to step back from a situation and just assess what you are about to do...


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## becky (2 Sep 2010)

Sunny said:


> I have friends who take their wedding rings off when they are out. Not because they want to cheat but they want to be able to flirt. I find that really odd.


 
I know 2 girls who this and find it a bit pathetic.  Same 2 would lose their nut if their husbands did it.


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## Caveat (2 Sep 2010)

ney001 said:


> I suspect that he might be seeing this particular married lady for some time!


 




fizzelina said:


> But do you "go out" like to a pub / restaurant, in public?? Is there not a risk of someone seeing you? Or is it a bedroom relationship?


 
Gotcha!


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## liaconn (2 Sep 2010)

fizzelina said:


> But do you "go out" like to a pub / restaurant, in public?? Is there not a risk of someone seeing you? Or is it a bedroom relationship?


 
I suspect her husband knows all about it and is quite happy with the situation.


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## xeresod (2 Sep 2010)

Caveat said:


> TBH, there is one married woman that I would see and go out with fairly regularly. We both enjoy it, I don't see much harm in it.


 

Your wife?


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## Purple (2 Sep 2010)

Caveat said:


> Gotcha!


You may have well put up a signpost for that one!


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## pinkyBear (2 Sep 2010)

> suspect that he might be seeing this particular married lady for some time!


lol And there was I looking for a bit of sca you've let me down lads, let me down big time


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## ninsaga (2 Sep 2010)

Q: Would you ever go out with someone who is married?
A: Definitely NO! There is no way I'm going out with my wife!


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## fizzelina (2 Sep 2010)

Purple said:


> You may have well put up a signpost for that one!


 Well he got this blonde anyway!


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## Vanilla (2 Sep 2010)

ninsaga said:


> Q: Would you ever go out with someone who is married?
> A: Definitely NO! There is no way I'm going out with my wife!


 
LOL.

Before I was married I used to get propositions, mainly from randy lawyers on circuit, which I viewed with utter contempt and embarrassment. Since I've been married I'm rarely in circumstances that would lead me to be in that position anyway. My husband and I usually go out together and TBH mostly ( except when I'm really annoyed with him) I think he's more intelligent, nice, funny and sexy than any other man anyway, so I wouldn't look at anyone else twice. But don't tell HIM that!


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## Purple (3 Sep 2010)

Vanilla said:


> LOL.
> 
> Before I was married I used to get propositions, mainly from randy lawyers on circuit, which I viewed with utter contempt and embarrassment. Since I've been married I'm rarely in circumstances that would lead me to be in that position anyway. My husband and I usually go out together and TBH mostly ( except when I'm really annoyed with him) I think he's more intelligent, nice, funny and sexy than any other man anyway, so I wouldn't look at anyone else twice. But don't tell HIM that!



You don't care who you hurt, do you?

I just hope Caveat doesn't read this...


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## ninsaga (3 Sep 2010)

Was it Oscar Wilde who once said that bachelor men should be heavily taxed as punishment for being happier than the rest of us?


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## Arabella (3 Sep 2010)

I think it was "Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed". Something about not being fair on everybody else.


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## Boyd (3 Sep 2010)

I thought he, by his "preferences", was always destined to be a bachelor


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## Complainer (3 Sep 2010)

username123 said:


> I thought he, by his "preferences", was always destined to be a bachelor


He was married, with at least one child.


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## Purple (3 Sep 2010)

Complainer said:


> He was married, with at least one child.



He was married to Constance Lloyd. They had two children. She was a remarkable women who deserved more recognition than she gets.


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