# Separation and serious financial problems



## brokegirl (24 May 2011)

Hi,

My husband and I seperated 3 months ago. He has moved out of the family home and gone to live rent free in a friends house. Unfortunately he has left me to sort out all of the bills and mortgage arrears while only paying me half the mortgage (which is currently interest only) which would be €65 euro per week.

I am only working 3 days a week (no possibilty of any more at the mo) and earning net €329. On top of the child allowance and the €65 - this is all I have. Not enough to pay the bills and support myself and my daughter.

My Ex is currently working some casual labour and says he is getting about €300 pw. He seems able to go on weekends away regularly though and in no rush to look for full time work.

I have applied for lone parents and am currently applying for Supplementary and MIS but not optimistic about these from what I've heard and read on other posts. 

I need a car for my job but at the moment cannot afford to pay for tax and insurance while I deal with keeping a roof over my head. I am just in such a panic and scared I will lose my home as the situation is unsustainable without more help from my ex.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks.


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## brokegirl (24 May 2011)

P.S - I have tried to get an appointment with MABS but have been informed that they are not taking new clients. They don't even pick their phone up to new clients in my area.


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## alaskaonline (24 May 2011)

brokegirl said:


> He has moved out of the family home and gone to live rent free in a friends house.


 How do you know he is living rent free? Surely this is only a temp solution given you only separated three months ago?



> Unfortunately he has left me to sort out all of the bills and mortgage arrears while only paying me half the mortgage (which is currently interest only) which would be €65 euro per week.


 This is contradicting - you say he left you with the mortgage and yet he pays 50%. If he is not living in the house, his main bill to cough up is mortgage but as you share the house, it's rightly so only 50%. Surely if you'd sell the house, you wouldn't give him more than 50% share either? As for the other bills: ESB, Gas, TV etc. - you're the one using it now so you should pay for them. I presume once a permanent solution is found i.e. he's renting a place, these bills will come to him, too. If there are other bills such as insurance payments, child care etc. - these are things that should be sorted out through a financial agreement with a solicitor.



> I am only working 3 days a week (no possibilty of any more at the mo) and earning net €329. On top of the child allowance and the €65 - this is all I have. Not enough to pay the bills and support myself and my daughter.


 with child allowance you refer to child benefit 140€ a month yes?
Did you apply for one parent tax credit, one parent family payment (social welfare), FIS? Going by your rough figures, you should be getting something here. Once you're in receipt of one of them SW benefits, you can also apply for Back to School Allowance, Fuel Allowance etc. the welfare.ie website has detailed info and application forms available.



> My Ex is currently working some casual labour and says he is getting about €300 pw.


 When a financial agreement is made, payslips will be provided for proof - if he earns more good for you, if he earns what he says then that's that. 



> He seems able to go on weekends away regularly though and in no rush to look for full time work.


 this is your opinion and I can't see a judge ruling for you based on your own opinion or hear' say. You state that you don't/ won't get full time employment. Why do you think he has more chances?



> I have applied for lone parents and am currently applying for Supplementary and MIS but not optimistic about these from what I've heard and read on other posts.


 everyone's circumstances is different, not everyone gets the same amount or even decision BUT that shouldn't hold you back from applying. Apart from the waiting list (which will be ok once you get the Supplementary) there is nothing wrong with the benefits offered to people in less fortunate situations.



> I need a car for my job but at the moment cannot afford to pay for tax and insurance while I deal with keeping a roof over my head.


 are you living in the country side or in a town/ city? It might be a good idea to fill out the money make over form on this site and see if there are areas where you can cut down, save money etc.



> I am just in such a panic and scared I will lose my home as the situation is unsustainable without more help from my ex.


 The only help you can get/ expect from him is the 50% mortgage, if you're lucky the insurance payments (if shared) and maintenance for your daughter. How much is he paying you here at the moment? Has anything been agreed? And if not, do this asap!


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## brokegirl (24 May 2011)

Hi

Currently I am being paid nothing towards child maintenance from my ex.  

I do not know if I am entitled to anything more towards child maintenance from him.


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## alaskaonline (24 May 2011)

Well you're definetely entitled to more than just "nothing". Did you look into speaking to a solicitor? If not please do so as a letter can sometimes make a difference. A more cost efficient (free) way would be Mediation but this isn't working for every couple and depends on how broke down the communication is. Either way, you should def. give it a shot. Finance agreements are made in Mediation as well as other things like access being discussed and agreed on. Once everyone is happy with the agreements you just need to get a solicitor to make the document legal/ binding.


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## Thirsty (24 May 2011)

There's quite a few things you need to get sorted out.

I'm assuming that you will be seeking a judicial separation at some point; for what it's worth, the best advice I was given was not to try and do anything in regards to settlement issues about the house for at least a year.  It was good advice, you have far more important things to get sorted for now.

First off - I'd suggest you both contact your bank, let them know you have separated and see if you can get a 1 year moratorium on the mortgage.  How much do you have in arrears already?

Put in all the applications you can for anything that might be going - the worst they can do is say no. 

You are both entitled to the additional tax credit for One Parent families; but of course if he's working cash in hand which is what it sounds like, that's not going to be of any interest to him.  

Working cash in hand is a common enough ploy incidentally, that way parents can claim to be 'unemployed'  when it comes to court and thus unable to pay maintenance.

Talk to your husband about family mediation services (it's free) - you have a lot of issues to work out including a joint parenting plan, child maintenance, spousal maintenance (if applicable), pensions, life assurance etc., etc.,

If you can use the mediation services and avoid negotiation between solicitors it can be a lot less acrimonious and much less expensive.

The general view is that children of the marriage are entitled to enjoy a 'share' of the marriage assets and therefore the 'split' on the Family Home includes a share to the children.  Of course a lot depends on what equity there is in the family home in the first place.

Incidentally - and I never understand why women don't do this - there's nothing to stop your husband taking on the job of primary carer and staying in the family home while you move out.  At the very least he'll understand the issues pretty quickly.

Finally - and this is the tough bit - for your daughter's sake you have to pull things together, the emotional trauma is horrendous there's no doubt about it; but one way or another you have to get on with things.  

Don't expect too much from your former husband, the statistics aren't much stacked in favour of non-resident parents either continuing to pay child maintenance or parenting their children.  

There are many  non-resident parents who are exemplary in this regard, but unfortunately they are far outweighed by those who do neither.  And ultimately if you choose to raise your daughter alone, you can only really rely on yourself.

Couple of sites for you to check out also

www.treoir.ie
www.rollercoaster.ie
www.revenue.ie
www.welfare.ie


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## brokegirl (24 May 2011)

Thirsty said:


> There's quite a few things you need to get sorted out.
> 
> First off - I'd suggest you both contact your bank, let them know you have separated and see if you can get a 1 year moratorium on the mortgage.  How much do you have in arrears already?



About €10,000 Thirsty. My husband was struggling to keep his business open and didn't take home an income for over a year. However I have spoken to the bank and explained our situation



Thirsty said:


> Put in all the applications you can for anything that might be going - the worst they can do is say no.



Yes I have put in application for lone parents and will seek Supplemantary Welfare and MIS



Thirsty said:


> Working cash in hand is a common enough ploy incidentally, that way parents can claim to be 'unemployed'  when it comes to court and thus unable to pay maintenance.



Yes my ex told me he was offered a job but it just wasn't "right" for him right now i.e. it wasn't cash in hand I guess



Thirsty said:


> Talk to your husband about family mediation services (it's free) - you have a lot of issues to work out including a joint parenting plan, child maintenance, spousal maintenance (if applicable), pensions, life assurance etc., etc.,



Yes my ex asked me not to do mediation for the first six months but looks like i'll have to go down that route soon




Thirsty said:


> Incidentally - and I never understand why women don't do this - there's nothing to stop your husband taking on the job of primary carer and staying in the family home while you move out.  At the very least he'll understand the issues pretty quickly.



I have thought about that one believe me  but I feel it would be too traumatic for my daughter and I if i left the house. 



Thirsty said:


> Finally - and this is the tough bit - for your daughter's sake you have to pull things together, the emotional trauma is horrendous there's no doubt about it; but one way or another you have to get on with things.



I agree totally. At the beginning I felt much more civil but as things unfold it gets harder but I am keeping things civil for my daughters' sake.



Thirsty said:


> Don't expect too much from your former husband, the statistics aren't much stacked in favour of non-resident parents either continuing to pay child maintenance or parenting their children.



I'm beginning to realise that but continue to hope he will come through for his daughter. I am prepared for that not to happen tho 

Thanks for the links also. Good to hear from someone who's gone through same and come out sane.


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## alaskaonline (24 May 2011)

brokegirl said:


> Yes I have put in application for lone parents and will seek Supplemantary Welfare and MIS



there are more benefits out there hence to check welfare.ie
Because of your income you're probably entitled to FIS too and you can (under means testing circumstances) get both One Parent Family Payment and FIS if the SW Dept. thinks you need it. How old is your daughter?


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## Bronte (24 May 2011)

How do you know he is living rent free.  There's not many people will put up with a lodger long term who doesn't earn his keep?


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## brokegirl (24 May 2011)

I know he is living rent free Bronte because he TOLD me


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## brokegirl (24 May 2011)

Hi alaskaonline,

My daughter is 10 years old now


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## elcato (25 May 2011)

Is selling the property an option ? That way you are clearing the slate so to speak and you sort out one problem.


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## Thirsty (25 May 2011)

Both parties have to agree for that to happen, and as far as JS/Divorce settlements are concerned you don't settle on just one aspect.  Nothing is agreed until everything is agreed.


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