# What is Important in your Life?



## aristotle (9 Feb 2018)

I am re-evaluating what is important in my life and what are the things that make you happy.

I am a few weeks from turning 40 and it somehow, over the last few months has made me think and re-evaluate what exactly I am trying to do in this short life. I have had a few other reality kicks where my brother was diagnosed with cancer, my mother in law died from cancer, but other joyeous times like the birth of my children and nephews.

So, currently, I would list these as important things in order and would like to hear what others think considering this whole site is all about money give or take.

1) Have little debt (or at least little expensive debt)
The reason I put this as number one is that it gives you freedom. Freedom to take time off from work, freedom to loose your job, freedom to spend more money on some of things listed next, freedom to retire at a young age, freedom to buy things that you like and not just material things for the sake of it.

2) Experiences
Seems to me that time goes by very, very quickly when you get lost in the routine, the regular commuting and working pattern. When you experience something new, holidays whatever, you can look back and time doesn't seem to go as fast. Memories you create from experiences with friends and family is really all you every carry forward with you. The cars, houses, and whatever are just things that mess up your priority one above.

I am the type of person who will pay crazy ticket prices to see musicians who probably wont tour again or are on one of their last tours, Rolling Stones, U2, Neil Yong, I will literally pay hundreds to see them if I wanted to go. I will take time off from work to spend time with family.

3) Health
Might go without saying this one but I am one person who spends literally thousands more per year on my car than I do my health. That is plain stupid, but I did go and get my blood tests done yesterday. Please, please, please, go to your GP once a year for a check up.

My brother could not do anything to prevent a cancer diagnosis, a very rare type and very aggressive cancer, but all I can do is add to the voices who experience this that health really is your wealth. You must look after yourself.

4) Family & Friends
Friends come and go and as one of the people who grew into their late 20's without social media I find friends can go very quickly and you loose touch easily. I am trying to meet up with some old college friends again and I always knew the importance of direct family. But anyways, family and friends - you have to make efforts to keep them sometimes, they wont be around forever either. Forget about the silly things they do to annoy you.

5) Income
For many years I was focused on my salary, it was all I knew as a measure of doing well. It would have been number one in this list 10 years ago easily. But then over time it has become just means of spending and living and the difference between say 50k and 80k after tax isn't earth shattering. I find adjusting your spending has a bigger effect. Just yesterday I was in Dublin to buy some outdoor gear and I spent €140 in Trespass (a cheapish place for outdoor gear) and I then went into the Great Outdoors just to compare. I would have spent 5 times as much in there, granted you might argue the quality differs but I didn't see it.

I lost myself in measuring my income as a measure of success. You do need good income obviously to enjoy experiences but the extra enjoyment you get from say an extra 10k does not increase proportionally. I am now at a stage of thinking that I would take a large income decrease to work at something that benefits society in some way.

6) Wealth
This is bottom of the list because it becomes less and less relevant to having a happy life once you reach a certain level. In fact, from what I see and read, it can make you less happy unless you know how to handle it. I don't consider myself very wealthy, I will have to keep working until retirement but I previously felt almost inadequate when you read about the many very wealthy people in Ireland. But then I realised wealth in itself does not bring happiness.

Thanks for reading, its probably all very obvious but I would love to hear other peoples view.


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## RETIRED2017 (9 Feb 2018)

The above is close to Maslow's hierarcy of needs  ,I spent the last 35 years working in a job I loved. In fact I can say I enjoyed every job I worked in , Most work benefits society in some way or another,
My outlook very close to above
As a matter of interest do you have kids if so what is your outlook on preparing them for life. once I found a job/work that I liked and enjoyed the next most important thing in my life  was investing time rather than money in making sure the had a chance to make what the wanted out of life looking back it worked out well for me,


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## Leper (9 Feb 2018)

What a subject. Great to remember when I first started working, earning a week's wages, freedom, choice, ambition, hopes, ups, downs, happiness, opposite-of-happiness, relationships, opportunities, gains, losses, etc etc. I realized you could not have a rat race without rats when I was in my mid thirties. Opted out of the rat race, concentrated on realistic positive family values. We lived modestly, made mistakes, recovered, got on with life, took what there was to take on the chin. No whinging, moaning or groaning.

Now that I have retired, no regrets - never progressed from being a low grade public servant. I never thread on anybody's toes and gave a week's toil for a week's pay - none of my employers owes me anything and I owe them nothing. Unfortunately, some did thread on my toes and I will never forgive them. Honestly.

What do I want out of retirement?  -  Nothing. Just hope I'm around for as long as possible.

Wealth:- Never thought too much about it. Enough to survive on will do. I don't run a BMW and realize most cars do the same as each other irrespective of the name badge. I couldn't care less if I missed the next Elton John concert and care less again of what other people think of anything. I just live and let live and don't expect anything and therefore will never be disappointed.

Drab, I know, but is there a realistic viable alternative?


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## Black Sheep (10 Feb 2018)

I'm with Leper. I love retirement, the freedom of it. No mortgage, no kids (gone) no ties. One can be selfish and lazy or up and doing, the choices are yours. I don't wish for the moon, just a fairly simple life style with a few surprises now and again. Love to nip off to the sun when we can get good rates or head out for a drive and pop in for a meal on the way home. Cooking is not my first love but I can do it in batches and thank goodness for freezers.

Love meeting up with friends and catching up with their lives. There's a group of us who started work in Dublin together at around 18 and still meet up a couple of times a year. A great day out as we are all scattered around the country

Never had high powered jobs with great salaries, just enough to get by in reasonable comfort by knowing how to stretch the cash.

Grandchildren are the added bonus especially as they move into the teenage years, and we learn a lot from them.

Good health is the big bonus and we are very lucky. Fingers crossed


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## Leper (11 Feb 2018)

I think Black Sheep and I should have married each other. Imagine our off-spring names, derivatives of Leper and Black Sheep. I am retired fulltime. Now I'm doing more walking than all the leaders in Operation Transformation combined. My wife thinks she is in Heaven with the silence because I'm reading the livin' daylights out of everything and subscribe to The Washington Post online. Mrs Lep continues to work (well, somebody must support my new lifestyle!). I retired nearly 18 years ago too which lasted 36 hours before I found myself working again in a different area of the Public Service.

Some of my old buddies from my original job visit from time to time many of which although retired are still in some kind of rat-race mixing only with people who were of their former grade. It's like somebody from the East marrying only in their appropriate sect. One thing these guys have in common is "Hey Lep, if you want to give something back . . . " You'd swear that I owed something to someone or even to them. Marvellous people, some of those managers; can't do their own "giving back" and want somebody else to do it for them. I could say more, but I'm a nice guy - well, a  kind of nice guy.

The ol' bike now fully restored is working overtime and the greenways of Ireland are in danger of my presence high vized, helmeted and with plenty of time for non job orientated chat. A few weeks in the south of Spain are on my short list too. I'll be giving "something back" to myself while there.

Right, just two GAA matches today (junior hurling) and not only have I all day, I have all week.


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## Dan Murray (11 Feb 2018)

Never thought I would be constructing these words......._Hey, Aristotle, you seem to be getting very philosophical._


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## Black Sheep (11 Feb 2018)

Hi Lep
I think that could have been a match made in Heaven!
Now I'm just wondering why you choose that name. I think mine seems obvious, How about yours?


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## Purple (12 Feb 2018)

What is Important in your Life?

People. That’s all. That means family and friends. As long as you are reasonably healthy and not living in real poverty and you are surrounded by people you love and who love you then you should be happy. Everything else is just stuff.

I’d rather have good friends than a good car or a big house. I’d rather spend the extra time I have with those good friends than working harder for the good car or big house.


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## Betsy Og (12 Feb 2018)

We're all very Zen for a money website. 

A very wise phrase I heard a few years back: "What's your priority, do you have to be rich or do you really want to avoid being poor?" So everyone who has responded so far is in the avoid being poor category (as I am myself).

Family & health are my be-all. I'm fairly constantly 'on to go' but its mainly with kids sports and a normal work schedule - I have given up on any notions of ruling the world. Maybe as the kids get older (into teens) I can dial back the busyness a bit.

In financial terms getting debt free - or having liquid assets to match it - has been our priority. So we're now at the stage of looking at tackling pension oblivion. That said I think I want to work until I'm carried out in a box, but we'll see (maybe its just a reaction to current pension oblivion). So getting debt free has had the knock on effect that we've never lived "high on the hog" - have never bought a new car or had a premium car. Since I don't put much value on those I don't really feel I'm making any huge sacrifice. With the kids I dont scrimp - not in terms of designer clothes or consumerism - but if they want to try an activity I wont let the money put me off. My personal mantra is: You can get 80% of the utility for 50% of the price. So I'll buy a 2 year old car, shop in Aldi & Lidl etc etc

Friends - come and go a bit, am not a very social animal so again its not a huge factor. Enjoy an odd work night out and meeting up with college buddies once a year or something like that.


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## gnf_ireland (12 Feb 2018)

Purple said:


> I’d rather spend the extra time I have with those good friends than working harder for the good car or big house.



This reminds me of something that was said  to a friend and I down in a pub in Kerry long after closing time in 2003. My friend was 35 at the time and we were heading off to the RWC in Australia having both lived there for a bit previously, and then planning to head onwards to South America for 6 months or so. His father was telling him he was daft and would be not settle down etc... 

A lad in the corner of the bar said _"Leave the young lad alone - sure I have yet to meet a man on his death bed saying he wished he worked harder in his life. Let him go out and enjoy himself. Sure he might meet a wife along the way"_

The running joke of the trip became it was a trip to find my friend a wife - and as it turns out he met his now wife in Madrid (our last stop on the way home)...


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## gnf_ireland (12 Feb 2018)

To answer the OP's question, so much of it comes down to personal decisions. I have seen so many friends who would consider themselves to be high fliers and are stressed to the 9's and work all hours of the day & night. I have also seen so many people (parents of friends, colleagues and neighbours) who have unfortunately gotten very sick immediately after retiring and struggle to enjoy it.

I think whats important is a good work/life balance - not being a slave to the job and being able to spent time with your family and doing things you enjoy. Its nice to be able to walk up the street and talk to the neighbours, and being able to pop out and collect your kids from school on occasion and doing something with them.

I definitely value experiences over material goods in general - and have always loved travel. I do think my kids end up a bit spoiled in that regard. That said, our trip to Iceland just after Christmas, looking at their faces seeing geysers go off and being able to walk on a frozen lake was special. The two of them absolutely loved swimming in the blue lagoon with stream rising from it and snow all around the place. Comments such as _"I cannot believe my eyes" _when the nearly 4 year old saw the place covered in snow is something we will not forget !!

And above all - health is very important, although we probably all dont give it enough consideration. 



Betsy Og said:


> My personal mantra is: You can get 80% of the utility for 50% of the price. So I'll buy a 2 year old car


I agree - I would personally struggle to justify a new car. A new car in my head is one 18 months old


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## michaelm (13 Feb 2018)

Betsy Og said:


> Maybe as the kids get older (into teens) I can dial back the busyness a bit.


Good luck with that.





gnf_ireland said:


> I would personally struggle to justify a new car.


On the face of it, yes.  The engine on my 10 year old car gave up over Christmas and I couldn't afford to buy a decent second hand replacement.  It was easier for me to buy/finance a new car.


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## Betsy Og (13 Feb 2018)

michaelm said:


> Good luck with that.



Could you not leave me to my delusions?


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## gnf_ireland (13 Feb 2018)

michaelm said:


> The engine on my 10 year old car gave up over Christmas and I couldn't afford to buy a decent second hand replacement.  It was easier for me to buy/finance a new car.


Yes the harsh reality is the financing models for new cars are actually cheaper than older cars.
We were looking at a VW Tiguan before Christmas - with everything, including 0% finance and the finance discount, it would have been cheaper to buy a new one than a 1 year old one with 20,000km on it. Makes no sense, but there you go !


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## Sophrosyne (21 Sep 2018)

In my 66th year, what is important in my life is simple pleasures. I have so many. To list a few in no particular order:-

A glorious sunny day,

Flowers that I've planted in full bloom,

The smell of my freshly mown lawn, I wish I could bottle it,

That I still have the health & energy to do maintenance jobs about the house & garden,

A walk with my toddler grandson through the Phoenix Park when the trees are in their "Autumn beauty" and he is jumping on the crunchy fallen leaves,

Looking into the fire on a cold, rainy, winter evening.

That I have two siblings left,

Listening to the Ronan Collins Radio Show,

My Christmas tree. Everyone's Christmas tree is beautiful, no matter how large, small, gaudy or otherwise,

Walking barefoot on wet sand,

Ice cream,

Fond memories of deceased spouse, sibling, parents, friends, old neighbours & colleagues,

Unexcepted visits, phone calls or letters from dear friends & relations,

The freshness of Spring,

The continued existence of the Moore Street Traders

Valentia Island,

Kilkenny's beautiful medieval city,

Googling music

I could go on ...


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## Leper (21 Sep 2018)

Facebook for the over 60's aka www.rip.ie unmissable every lunchtime.[Well it's Friday!]


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## Tebbit (27 Oct 2018)

Good  health is vital - once its gone it can be hard to get back. So go for your check ups regularly,  exercise daily and don't overdo smoking / drinking etc.   All things in moderation.


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## Sunny (28 Oct 2018)

What is wrong with all you people......You are all way too nice....I want money and lots of it. I want cleaners to clean my huge house, cooks to cook according to every whim and nanny's to raise my kids. I want to fly everywhere first class while my kids fly in economy...I want to stay in the best hotels and I don't want to work...

Alternatively, I would like 10 bloody minutes to have a cup of coffee and read the Sunday Newspapers without constant interruption asking what we are doing today...

Oh, I would like clocks to never change back because children don't realise that 7am is actually 6am..........

Having said all that, when my 5 year old daughter laughs at one of my stupid dad jokes and gives me a squeezy cuddle, that is actually a feeling that money can't buy...


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## Deiseblue (29 Oct 2018)

No a huge one in terms of the scale of things but it was brilliant to finally get to see John Fogerty on Friday night to not only see a genius in action but to relive the soundtrack of my youth


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## Purple (30 Oct 2018)

Deiseblue said:


> No a huge one in terms of the scale of things but it was brilliant to finally get to see John Fogerty on Friday night to not only see a genius in action but to relive the soundtrack of my youth


The Leinster Scrum coach? He sings too?


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## blueband (30 Oct 2018)

Purple said:


> The Leinster Scrum coach? He sings too?


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## LoveTrees (31 Dec 2018)

I have to say that keeping a gratitude diary is changing my life for the better


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## Conan (31 Dec 2018)

Waking up each morning (beats the alternative)
My current wife (she hates that)
Beating standard scratch (a never ending mission)
Children (particularly being off the payroll)
Grandchildren (my reward for not strangling my children)
Friends (well, most of them)
Being busy (but not too busy)


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## dub_nerd (1 Jan 2019)

I've never actually been diagnosed as on the autism spectrum.
But I reckon I must have got a touch of it.
I love people ... but they drain my batteries quickly.
I think that's the definition of an introvert.
I like solitude -- lots of it.
After time spent with friends I want nothing more than to crawl into bed with my beloved ... computer.

The most beautiful thing in the world is a warm night with a clear sky.
Or a cold night with a clear sky. As long as there are stars.
Lying on your back under a dark sky is terrifying, mystifying, exhilarating.
I have recurring dreams of falling into that endless blackness, among the friendly stars.

I've been in love with stars for more than forty years. They are as individual as people.
Tonight I see Orion the Hunter marching across the rooftops, as he does every year at this time.
His right knee is a monster, two dozen times more massive than our Sun and a quarter of a million times brighter.
His left shoulder is a glutton, in the mode of Erysichthon of Thessaly who purportedly ate _himself_. Compared to our Sun this star is 500 times younger and 500 times larger. It has already consumed itself in a great act of autophagy, on its way to an early grave. It will go out with a mighty bang any day now and, when it does, any inhabited planet within a thousand trillion miles will be sterilised of all life by the blast. We're fortunate enough to be outside the kill zone, but close enough to get a ringside view.

Those are just two of the _two hundred billion_ stars in our galaxy.
Surely no subject could be more fascinating?
That's why I once ran an office poll along the lines of:
_How much of your day do you spend contemplating "life, the universe and everything" versus "other stuff"_.​Best/worst answer (this is not a joke):
_"I spend most of the time wondering if I have enough make-up to get me through the day_".​This made me realise I might be a little out of touch.
But, then, I _knew_ that.


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## Purple (7 Jan 2019)

dub_nerd said:


> I've never actually been diagnosed as on the autism spectrum.
> But I reckon I must have got a touch of it.


I'm in good company so.


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## Cervelo (12 Feb 2019)

Leper said:


> Facebook for the over 60's aka www.rip.ie unmissable every lunchtime.[Well it's Friday!]



Well done Lep absolutely superb line, I'm actually laughing and crying at the same time


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## Cervelo (12 Feb 2019)

I think for me the most important thing in life is to enjoy it and to enjoy it the way you want to enjoy it and not the way other people think you should be enjoying it
Life is short, there is no right way or wrong way per se but when the time comes and I have to look back at what I've done, I don't want to have regrets, I don't mind mistakes but want little or no regrets
As Frank Sinatra sings " And now, the end is near....."


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## cremeegg (13 Feb 2019)

Cervelo said:


> when the time comes and I have to look back at what I've done,



I have always failed to understand this logic.

It is during my life that I want to look at what I have done and am doing. I have no real interest in the potential opinions of the maudlin old man I hope to become someday.

The priorities and judgements of some random old person (even if it is your future self) should have no influence on your life.


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## Sophrosyne (13 Feb 2019)

Your life is the _whole_ of your life to enjoy; not just the here and now.

When you are older, you will still be you but enriched by more life experiences.

You will not turn into someone else.


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## Cervelo (14 Feb 2019)

cremeegg said:


> I have always failed to understand this logic.
> 
> It is during my life that I want to look at what I have done and am doing. I have no real interest in the potential opinions of the maudlin old man I hope to become someday.
> 
> The priorities and judgements of some random old person (even if it is your future self) should have no influence on your life.



I can only speak for myself (obviously) but I think the or at least my understanding of the "logic" is at the beginning of the sentence "Life is short" 
Sorry to bring the tone of the conversation down but ask yourself, if you got the worst news a person can get what would you think about, what's important to you and what would you regret ??


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## michaelm (14 Feb 2019)

Cervelo said:


> what's important to you and what would you regret ??


An Australian palliative care nurse asked dying patients about regrets and these were the top 5.

"All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence"


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## cremeegg (14 Feb 2019)

Cervelo said:


> but ask yourself, if you got the worst news a person can get what would you think about, what's important to you and what would you regret ??



It would be idiotic to spend your life this way. I didn't get the worst news a person can get today, and I am not going to live my life as if that possibility held some special significance.



michaelm said:


> "All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence"



They may have regretted it when they were old, but that is just maudlin bunk.

If you think that you spent too much of your time last week on the treadmill of work, do something about it next week. Identify the reasons why you misspent your time last week, you may well come to the conclusion that you put in a good week last week.

When you are old and have forgotten the temptations and imperatives that drive you to take the decisions you do now, your second guessing of your choices now will be irrelevant.

I like to contemplate the fact that I am going to die someday for about 5 minutes approximately weekly, then I get on with living.


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## michaelm (15 Feb 2019)

cremeegg said:


> They may have regretted it when they were old, but that is just maudlin bunk.


If she had said 'many' or 'most' it would sound credible.  That she says 'All' points to maudlin bunk, as you say.  I do think that many have a work/life balance that's out of kilter and some may not realise it until their dotage.


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## Leo (18 Feb 2019)

michaelm said:


> I do think that many have a work/life balance that's out of kilter and some may not realise it until their dotage.



I think even more fail to make good use of their down time, and it's easier after the fact to blame it on too much time working rather than accept your own part in failing to get off the sofa.


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## Purple (18 Feb 2019)

Leo said:


> I think even more fail to make good use of their down time, and it's easier after the fact to blame it on too much time working rather than accept your own part in failing to get off the sofa.


Yep, mind you I love the odd Sofa/Netflix/do nothing day.


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## Firefly (19 Feb 2019)

Leo said:


> I think even more fail to make good use of their down time



Unless it's raining, I absolutely love sitting outside early on Saturday & Sunday mornings with a strong coffee, before everyone gets up and the chaos of bringing kids to a million activities begins!


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## Betsy Og (19 Feb 2019)

"No-one ever said I wish I'd spent more time at the office". Yeah, yeah, I could have saved the planet if only that demon work wasnt there.....& other such delusions. How many people retire, have nothing to do, drive their spouse mad.

There's no denying modern work is "always on", but there is a flip side that it has never been more flexible. I haven't missed a family event and get to train teams my kids are on etc etc. If I was down the pit for 14 hours that wouldn't happen. How much are we supposed to pack into 1 life?, why do we feel the endless need to achieve more with our time? I think there's something to be said for "mindfullness", being "present in the moment" etc., I wouldnt say I'm much of a practitioner of it, but I like the theory of 'just being' every so often.


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## Futurelookin (4 Mar 2019)

Nature - Being outdoors is so therapeutic and having the health to walk or hike or swim or cycle is such a privilege.
Family - The pure joy of being with people with a shared history and who get your sense of humour and can finish your sentences. No guile or effort required. To be able to truly be yourself with them.
Sex - there is nothing better than being pushed up against a wall and kissed hard by a man who knows what he's doing. It's good for your soul and can take your breath away 
Children - the opportunity to love unconditionally in an all consuming, frightening way is scary but liberating.
Disposable income - being able to afford that red dress and those killer shoes without bouncing the mortgage. Equally - being able to buy an impromptu gift for someone apropos of nothing. Being able to throw the kids €20 to spend on whatever. 
Dogs. Almost all dogs. Except those handbag ones, you know which ones, I mean.


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## Purple (5 Mar 2019)

Futurelookin said:


> Dogs. Almost all dogs. Except those handbag ones, you know which ones, I mean.


And the ones who show their arseholes all the time.


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