# Looking for a way out



## Deceiver (13 Sep 2008)

My problems are snowballing. For the last few years i have had a gambling problem. It all came to a head when i found online casinos. In a short space of time i have managed to run up incredible debts. It wasn't until i got help i realised how bad i was. 

My wife is great with money but i'm not. I cannot let her know about this. If she didn't leave me, i don't think i could face her again.

Income = 32000 (self employed construction)
Morgage 119000 (115000 oustanding) house value 145000
loan 1 10877 oustanding
loan 2 7650  oustanding
cc      8250 outstanding

Payments 
morgage 560
loan 1     252
loan 2     176
cc          411

I want to pay everything off but i'm stretched near breaking point now and work is looking like slowing. If i could restructure my loans over 10 years i'd be fine. I'm handling my addiction at the minute but the amount owed is causing me a lot of depression. 

I don't want to let anyone find out if possible. Everyday is full of shame!


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## redo (13 Sep 2008)

admitting your problem is your first sucessfull step.  Well done.


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## purplealien (13 Sep 2008)

I think you should be honest with your wife, this automatically will release an awful lot of pressure off you. Then both of you can work togeher in finding a soloution on how to manage the extra debt.


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## Killter (13 Sep 2008)

purplealien said:


> I think you should be honest with your wife, this automatically will release an awful lot of pressure off you.


 
I totally agree.


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## z106 (13 Sep 2008)

ya. You should certainly contemplate telling your wife.

It would relieve a lot of mental pressure and enable you both focus on a structured repayment plan.


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## tink (13 Sep 2008)

Hi there, well done the first step is recognising you have a problem. You say you don't want to tell your wife but it will come out eventually anyway and better you telling her than her finding out herself. However, I understand you are not ready to do this right now. That's why I think you should contact gamblers anonymous *Dublin (01) 8721133 or Cork on (087) 2859552 *they can help you deal with this and how to tell your wife. Also worth talking to MABS as well. Best of luck.


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## Susanna (14 Sep 2008)

Tell your wife. Give her complete control over all finances. Get rid of the computer (so you won't have online access to gamble). Go to gamblers anonymous meetings and to MABS. Could you do extra overtime work...it doesn't matter what kind and tell your wife you will put the money towards the debt. Good luck


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## Fitz26 (16 Sep 2008)

There is nothing you can do about the amount that is owed. At least you have realised the amount that you owe and can now start working it out.Well done .

If you cant tell your wife..try talking to a parent sibling close friend.

Have you contacted the sites that you have been gambling on to close the accounts - that will not do you have to self exclude yourself.If you have not done this .Do it Now.
Also if you google stop gambling software you can download to protect yourself from yourself.! 
There is no point in clearing your debts with another loan if you have not done the above as you might be tempted to start of again., 
I do think that you should tell your wife as she will be your ally in fighting this.
Good Luck.


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## Deceiver (16 Sep 2008)

Thanks all for the advise. I stopped my credit card being used(repay only). I'm attending some g.a meetings and so far i'mbearing up ok. Its only the money side of it that's the worry now.

I can't and i won't put my wife in a position that would mean she is paying for my mistakes. This might sound stupid but i can't do that to her. I'm asking around for any overtime and nixers but there thin on the ground at the moment.

All i'm hoping to find is a way to have some breathing space in repaying what i owe. I want a future for my family not smoothered by my actions.

Thanks again for all your comments and advise, i really appreciate it!


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## so-crates (19 Sep 2008)

Deceiver said:


> I can't and i won't put my wife in a position that would mean she is paying for my mistakes. This might sound stupid but i can't do that to her.


 

But what you can do to her is lie to her and cheat her behind her back? Deceiver, it is not fair of you to hide this from your wife. You are being selfish in not telling her and foolish in not sharing with her. She married you for better or for worse - the least courtesy you can give her is to let her know what is going on in HER life. Have you considered that perhaps she has noticed you are in difficulty or under a great deal of stress and is worrying about you? You live together day by day, how much exactly do you think she is completely oblivious to? 

Is it perhaps true that your concern for her is a great deal about you and not so much about her? If you own up to your problem to her that means you have to ask for her help to deal with it. You have to admit to faults you would rather not be noticed by the world, you may perceive it as being "less" in her eyes in some way. Grow up. You are an adult. You have a family. You have made a committment to her. Honour your committment and be honest with her regarding a problem that you both have to deal with. You are still gambling. You are gambling on you sorting out your problems before she approaches you about them.


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## MeathCommute (19 Sep 2008)

I can identify with you Deceiver. I started doing online betting about a year ago and lost over €2k in a month. My wife found out when she looked at the credit card statement and I came clean and stopped. I haven't gambled since then. I thank God that I got out of it without causing too much damage. I really hope it works out for you Deceiver. Get rid of the computer. The internet is a blessing and a curse. To an online gambler, it is Satan. I wish you all the best. You have admitted that you have a problem. That is the first important step. You HAVE to tell your wife to move forward. If she is annoyed with you, take the heat. She will get over it and you can work forward from there. Best wishes


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