# Two bros got "loans" 10K & 5K respectivly from mother since father died 3years ago.



## Debut (31 Mar 2010)

My 2 brothers have both recieved "loans" 10K & 5K respectivly from my mother since our father died 3yrs ago. 

Both brothers have not paid back said loans, nor 2 other "loans" from family members prior to our fathers death, myself & my sister are a bit concerned that they may be "getting a head start" on monies left to her. 

She has a will, stating the family home and any other assets etc to be divided equally 5 ways among the siblings.

Should we obtain legal advice, my sister is still waiting to get 40K back from one of the brothers and its causing problems with the in-laws at this point.


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## WaterSprite (31 Mar 2010)

*Re: Dipping into our mothers money*

It's up to your mother how to treat the "loans"  - as a loan or as a gift.  It's her money.  Ditto for the other family members.  If they were truly loans, then it should be made clear to the brothers that the money is expected (by the lender) to be paid back & a payment plan agreed.  Strictly speaking, this should be in writing but that may be impractical so it should be discussed with a disinterested person present.  Your sister can email about her loan and agree a payment plan.


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## PaddyBloggit (31 Mar 2010)

*Re: Dipping into our mothers money*

Your mother is an adult ..... and can do what she will with her money.

Is she concerned about not receiving the money back? Did she 'loan' the money expecting it to be repaid?

When you say 'should we obtain legal advice' ...... for what purposes?

Your sister's €40k? or your mother's €15k? .... That's up to both your sister and her mother.

You have no reason to seek legal advice .... your mother's assets are her to do with as she will ...... the remainder (if any) will be part yours when the time comes .... if the will is as you state.


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## Odea (1 Apr 2010)

*Re: Dipping into our mothers money*

Debut, 

I understand where you are coming from. Similar in my own set up. 

Antiques and my late mothers jewellery now being disappeared and "minded" by my sister from my elderly father. 

Latest revelations are that she is now writing his cheques and dealing with financial statements etc despite being a non financial person herself but other family members have worked in financial institutions. It's all about manipulation under the guise of "caring". 

Unfortunately as other posters have said there is little you can do about it if the parent wants this to happen.


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## csirl (1 Apr 2010)

*Re: Dipping into our mothers money*

If she passes away, then any loans will become assets of the estate and the money will have to be repaid into the estate for distribution in accordance with the Will. Usually, if someone owes money to the estate, but is going to inherit more money than they owe, the executor will simply pay them the balance  i.e. amount they are due to inherit less any money they owe to the estate. 

The difficulty in such cases is establishing whether or not the money given by your mother is a "loan" or a "gift". Without any written proof, nothing can be proven. Ideally you mother should have a written record of all loans she has given out. A family member of a friend of mine included a list of loans given to her children as an appendix to her Will with the note that they should be taken into account when she passed away - solicitor may be able to advise on this.

Though, as stated before, its up to your mother to do whatever paperwork is necessary and there is nothing you can do if she's not inclined.

Your sisters 40k is nothing to do with your mothers situation and should be dealt with on its own merits.


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## Bronte (1 Apr 2010)

*Re: Dipping into our mothers money*

Have you spoken to your mother?


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## Odea (2 Apr 2010)

*Re: Dipping into our mothers money*

Parents can be quite manipulative. Children can be played off against each other for the parents benefit. 
Are you and you sister the ones looking after your mother, calling on her, taking her to the shops, hairdresser, doctor etc?   Maybe she considers that she has the both of you on a leash?  Perhaps she is not calling in the loan because she has your brothers on a longer leash to be called upon if needs be at some point in the future?

You need to talk to your mother and clarify what is actually going on here.


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## Yorrick (2 Apr 2010)

*Re: Dipping into our mothers money*

I have to agree somewaht with ODEA when he says parents can be quite manipulative. Over the last few years there have been signifivant increases in pensions and elderly people have a lot more floating cash than they used. I have seen this being used to buy favourites in the family who will then go out of their way to look after "Mammy". Their is so much property to be inheritied now that the wily ones know how to keep Mammy sweet and influence her as to their will. ittle comments like "Pat is doing very well in Dublin and has moved to lovely big house. He's so busy he finds it hard to get time to call down" give Mammy the idea that she can write Pat out of the will leaving more for the boyos at home


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## ontour (2 Apr 2010)

*Re: Dipping into our mothers money*

And there are lots of parents that are generous with no ulterior motive - just a wish to take care of the needs of their children.  So what is your brother or sister get 10k more than you, it is a sad day when parents are viewed as an investment that needs to be monitored to ensure maximum payout when it 'matures'.  

I hope that my parents enjoy every penny they have earned while they are alive as they have already invested enough of their time and money in me.


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## Armada (2 Apr 2010)

*Re: Dipping into our mothers money*



ontour said:


> And there are lots of parents that are generous with no ulterior motive - just a wish to take care of the needs of their children. So what is your brother or sister get 10k more than you, it is a sad day when parents are viewed as an investment that needs to be monitored to ensure maximum payout when it 'matures'.
> 
> I hope that my parents enjoy every penny they have earned while they are alive as they have already invested enough of their time and money in me.


 

At last someones speaks sense!!


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## Concert (2 Apr 2010)

*Re: Dipping into our mothers money*

Of course out elderly parents should enjoy every penny and as an only child i wish my elderly mother would treat herself more.  She is very good to us financially but at the same time she is extremely secretive and not open with us about anything which can be quite hurtful.


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## SlurrySlump (4 Apr 2010)

Are both yourself and your sister married?  Your mother might think that you will be looked after by your husbands whereas she might have a different view for the two boys?
If you cooled your relationship with your mother what do you think the outcome might be?


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## Grizzly (6 Apr 2010)

It would be interesting to know if you visit your mother together for occasions or do you visit her individually?


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## ney001 (8 Apr 2010)

ontour said:


> And there are lots of parents that are generous with no ulterior motive - just a wish to take care of the needs of their children.  So what is your brother or sister get 10k more than you, it is a sad day when parents are viewed as an investment that needs to be monitored to ensure maximum payout when it 'matures'.
> 
> I hope that my parents enjoy every penny they have earned while they are alive as they have already invested enough of their time and money in me.



+1 - really bugs me when I read about children 'concerned' that parent are spending money on other siblings - reminds me of vultures circling! 

Stop worrying about money - your mother is still alive, enjoy it!


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## chelsea07 (14 Apr 2010)

Hi

I am in a similiar situation I gave my mother, brother and sister a lend of 100k on the condition that it would be paid back over monthly installements, as I owe some of the money myself to the bank.  Due to the timing of the situation there wasn't any agreements in written form but phone converastions, verbal agreements and texts backed up that they would pay it back . 
Since they are avoiding the topic now I am considering getting legal advice, do i have a case given there were no legal agreements in place ?


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