# Childminder lost temper



## elainem (11 May 2009)

Hi! everyone, 

Just wondering what you would do in similar situation.

My childminder was minding my sick daugher aged 7 (she had a bad headache and came home from school early at 1.30 pm) on Friday last, and her brother aged 5.5 years. When I came home from work on a break, I discovered that my son had cellulitis on his arm from a four in one vaccine the day before. The G.P. surgery was closed, and they were going away with their Dad for the weekend, so I rang the local paediatric dept and they said to bring him over.

In the car on the way over, my daughter who was a bit whingy said that the childminder turned around to her, shook her fist at her in the car, shouted at her calling her a brat for 'forgetting her coat' and told her she did not want to hear one more word out of her. My son confirmed this, and has even  imitated how the childminder acted.

I know she was having a bad time herself, really painful monthlies, and desperately trying to get pregnant herself. However, I'm really concerned about this, and now the children don't want to stay with her tomorrow when I am working. 

I'm actually thinking of giving up work now - have some income from family business, maintenance from their dad for the children, and no mortgage, as I find childminding a bit of a disaster. In 2 years have had just one really good childminder, an aupair from Austria who was just with us for the last summer. Previously, I had a childminder bringing my children to all her friends houses when they were supposed to be in my house, and not answering  her phone when I rang. 

Another childminder brough the kids to a local park where there is a lot of drug dealing after I had told her not to go there - there is another park in the town. She told my daughter not to tell me, and when my son told me, my daughter was distraught. Then had an au pair who was good with the children, but money went missing regularly and also cards, and now this. Any advice appreciated.


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## sparkeee (11 May 2009)

i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.


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## television (11 May 2009)

sparkeee said:


> i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.


 
Not very understanding are you?? The lady does nto want a lesson in childminding. Or a patronising lesson. She wants empathy and a solution.


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## chrisboy (11 May 2009)

sparkeee said:


> i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.


 

Wow.. Seriously out of date...


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## television (11 May 2009)

sparkeee said:


> i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.


 
Are you the ex husband maybe?  Although that sounds like something a self satisfied stay at home mum would say.


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## lemonhead (11 May 2009)

sparkeee said:


> i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.



Probably provocative, but maybe quite sad...if you're serious


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## truthseeker (11 May 2009)

sparkeee said:


> i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.



The OP is not looking for a patronising opinion on how she raises her children - she is looking for a solution to a childminder who lost her temper.

OP - I would definitely address this to the childminder. While I would think its ok for her to discipline your children she should not be calling your daughter names, or shaking her fist at her. I wouldnt be bothered by the not wanting to hear another word out of her bit, if your daughter was playing up thats pretty mild. But the name calling and fist shaking is not good.

How are you finding the childminders? Are you getting references?  
Its like anything else really, its difficult to find someone you trust and who is good at the job. Do you employ a trial period? Could you go through an agency that provide references for staff they have had with them a long time?


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## Silvergirl (11 May 2009)

Were the kids playing up to your horrified reaction to their story? I think you should give the baby sitter a quick ring to have a chat about what happened and hear her side. She may admit to loosing it with your daughter when she was whining, but it's best to get both sides. What's your general gut feeling up to this about this woman, is this the only time she has ever lost it? It's not like she hit the child, but it's no harm to let her know the kids were upset. Different people have different boundaries, don't give up an otherwise good sitter too quickly and likewise with your job!

HTH


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## Speedwell (11 May 2009)

sparkeee said:


> i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.


 
Are you serious?? 

Anyway OP I second what Silvergirl has said. Speak with the childminder in question and hear it from her. 

As Silvergirl has said you will know from your gut if she has the best interests of the children at heart. If she says that she is sorry and that is a one off will you give her another chance? I reckon you will know yourself what you will do when you hear her what she has to say.


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## DavyJones (11 May 2009)

I would try and put myself in the position of the nanny. The kids, that she probably adores, were annoying her and she told them off, maybe a little too harshly but no more harshly than you would have I bet. 

She didn't beat them, so not a big deal in my eyes, I would however let her know that there are no secrets between child and parent. 

BTW, Where are you getting your childminders from? are they qualified professionals?


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## Purple (11 May 2009)

sparkeee said:


> i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.


Not all families have both parents and of those that do many cannot afford to live on one income. Those parent s may be of the opinion that teaching their children the value of providing for yourself rather than sponging off others is a very valuable life lesson, one which will ultimately stand them in good stead.


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## Bubbly Scot (11 May 2009)

DavyJones said:


> I would try and put myself in the position of the nanny. The kids, that she probably adores, were annoying her and she told them off, maybe a little too harshly but no more harshly than you would have I bet.
> 
> She didn't beat them, so not a big deal in my eyes, I would however let her know that there are no secrets between child and parent.



Have to agree with this. We all get annoyed and wound up sometimes and it does no harm to let a child know when they have crossed a line. Definatly would advise you talk to the minder because if everything else is fine, these issues might be sorted over a calm chat. 

I wouldn't allow someone to encourage my children to keep secrets so that would be something I would bring up.

It's hard, I know. My youngest is ten and I've had to work recently in the evenings and weekends. Even though she's at home with her dad I still feel torn sometimes. There's times too when he and I don't agree with the others approach (he thinks I'm too soft, I think he's too tough, sort of things) but since each of us agree on the basics, no hitting, swearing etc. we sometimes muddle through. I imagine I would have to work things out with a minder as well.

Good luck, I hope you manage to work it through.


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## elainem (11 May 2009)

Thanks everyone. Think I will defintely give her a call tomorrow am. Maybe if it is a one off, she could explain it in some way to my daughter. Thanks agian.


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## sparkeee (12 May 2009)

why not chat face to face?


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## sparkeee (12 May 2009)

my mother stayed at home and looked after us,my father worked hard and provided,we formed a wonderful bond.Is this valueless nowadays,the reason we have children is to raise them in our mould or likeness,giving them to others to raise while we are out all day working is not a good example in my mind.Who knows what ethics or opinions are being formed in a childs mind.Children form their personalities from the people around them,a nanny shaking a fist will form an unwanted trait.Best to raise them personally the old fashioned out of date way.


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## sparkeee (12 May 2009)

television said:


> Not very understanding are you?? The lady does nto want a lesson in childminding. Or a patronising lesson. She wants empathy and a solution.


 I thought she wanted opinions on the situation?


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## sparkeee (12 May 2009)

television said:


> Are you the ex husband maybe? Although that sounds like something a self satisfied stay at home mum would say.


 No not the ex hubby and maybe a stay at home mum has good reason to be satisfied.


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## sparkeee (12 May 2009)

chrisboy said:


> Wow.. Seriously out of date...


 why out of date,it was the way i was raised,by my mother at home,isnt that what parenting is.What is the new upto date modern description of parenting?


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## sparkeee (12 May 2009)

veron01 said:


> Are you serious??
> 
> Anyway OP I second what Silvergirl has said. Speak with the childminder in question and hear it from her.
> 
> As Silvergirl has said you will know from your gut if she has the best interests of the children at heart. If she says that she is sorry and that is a one off will you give her another chance? I reckon you will know yourself what you will do when you hear her what she has to say.


 Quite serious,if your unsure of the mental state of the people caring for your children the safest option is to parent them yourself.I am totally of the opinion that a child is best raised by the parents,why is this so incredulous to people am i the only one whos mother gave up a career and chose to have children,i love and respect her for her sacrifice.i work harder now because of it so as i may provide enough for my wife to do the same for my children.


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## elainem (12 May 2009)

Hi! Sparkee, the only problem is that I am a single parent, and if money goes from family business in these difficult times, then I am left with nothing. It costs money to raise children especially when you want to given them all the usual stuff, music lessons, swimming lesssons, extra lessons to help reading, karate lessons, dancing lessons - this stuff doesn't come cheap and is important for their confidence and general development - apart from the fact that they really enjoy these activities.


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## Smashbox (12 May 2009)

Arrange a meeting with the childminder, face to face is way better than over the phone. Explain the situation, say you know she has problems but that the children are afraid after what happened.

Do you know any friends or family that could take over nanny duties? If not, you should really go through an agency, even think about getting another au pair back.


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## holly (12 May 2009)

Lucky you sparkeee... did your father die young? did he beat your mother? did our parents split up? would you love your mother less if she had, through neccesity, had to work  - or even if she just felt a real need to go out in the world and share a skill or talent outside the home? 

Thankfully, I left an abusive marraige so I wouldn't raise my sons to believe that it was their right to hit women and children to get their own way. I also decided to work instead of sitting on my backside teaching my children to look for handouts. Needless to say that involved other people helping me mind my children. I worked for necessities, not for extras or luxuries and *shock* my children still seem to love me !!

Elaine, I can understand that the childminder may have been having a rotten day - I also think it's possible that your daughter was looking for a reaction from you?  Is your dd normally a whingy child ?  I agree that sitting down with the childminder to have a chat is a good idea, let her know that you don't want something like this to happen but also reinforce with your children that they do need to behave when they are with other grown ups, be it childminders, relatives, teachers.


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## alaskaonline (12 May 2009)

> why is this so incredulous to people am i the only one whos mother gave up a career


 - it's not about a career, it's about existing. if there is no money coming in, as a single parent, from what do you want to live? the bid of child maintanance won't do it, trust me!

in an ideal world, were we all won the lotto, i would agree with you sparkeee that staying at home is a good solution. unfortunately we don't live in an ideal world.

OP - i think you should talk face to face with this girl. i understand your worries and i would have been quite upset too but there could be a simple explaination for it. thumbs up.


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## msilva (12 May 2009)

Hi Elainem,
Just  came accross your post. Am a mother myself and am sure this situation must be affecting you and your children a great deal. I know how difficult it is to raise a child as a single mother. But i would strongly recommend you to have a serious chat with this woman and to be honest my first initial reaction as a mother was to say to you to stop any contact with this woman! 
what about the father what does he think about this? what about a creche?
Ask your friends, family, go to university to put an ad or something students always want extra money. But never contract anybody without any recommendations.
I really hope you will sort out this situation. if i come accross a good chilminder i will pm to you.

Good luck!


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## ophelia (12 May 2009)

television said:


> Although that sounds like something a self satisfied stay at home mum would say.


 
There are plenty of us stay at home mums television who are not self satisfied. We work hard too! I always say my profession was _____ but my career was mothering.


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## car (12 May 2009)

Elaine, theres other ways of giving kids confidence other than karate lessons and as with other suggestions, speak to the childminder.     While I wouldnt have said it the way sparkee did, I would also investigate staying at home, its obviously on your mind as you opened the thread by saying financially you could possibly stay at home.





> Lucky you sparkeee... did your father die young? did he beat your mother? did our parents split up? would you love your mother less if she had, through neccesity, had to work - or even if she just felt a real need to go out in the world and share a skill or talent outside the home?



my wife and I, whose parents are still alive and neither of them beat each other as my wife and I dont, decided together that she should stay at home and look after our children as we believe kids should be parented by their parents.    She put her career on hold as knew she would be able to parent our kids better then anyone else.    Is it ok to have this opinion without having some kind of traumatic background?




> Thankfully, I left an abusive marraige so I wouldn't raise my sons to believe that it was their right to hit women and children to get their own way. *I also decided to work instead of sitting on my backside teaching my children to look for handouts. *Needless to say that involved other people helping me mind my children. I worked for necessities, not for extras or luxuries and *shock* my children still seem to love me !!



Eh?  Ive reread this 10 times, did you just say mothers who stay at home sit on their backsides teaching their kids to look for handouts.          

Id be hung from the rafters, shot, drawn, quartered, kicked out of the house, tarred and feathered and sent to coventry for even thinking anything remotely like that.   Even in jest!!!


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## Bronte (12 May 2009)

I had a babysitter yesterday evening and before I left they were acting up, they ran her ragged and she left exhausted at 9 having not managed to get one child to sleep or in their own bed, the kids who were in high glee collapsed sound asleep within 5 minutes of my return and I had to ask the babysitter to be stricter.  She's a real softy so I have the opposite problem to the OP.  OP you need to speak adult to adult to the childminder to sort out the issue and bear in mind your children might be telling you one thing and the childminder might have been overstretched with their behaviour.


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## holly (12 May 2009)

ooops, my apologies to hardworking mothers, I do know they work bloody hard. I meant that I didn't expect anyone - family or ex husband or government - to support me instead or supporting myself and my children.

And yes, some COUPLES have the luxury to choose for one person to stay at home and raise their children but for the vast majority of families now - either one parent or two parent - that is not the case. I take offense at having the finger pointed at those who must go out to work as being bad or neglectful or selfish parents.


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## car (12 May 2009)

holly said:


> ooops, my apologies to hardworking mothers, I do know they work bloody hard. I meant that I didn't expect anyone - family or ex husband or government - to support me instead or supporting myself and my children.
> 
> And yes, some COUPLES have the luxury to choose for one person to stay at home and raise their children but for the vast majority of families now - either one parent or two parent - that is not the case. I take offense at having the finger pointed at those who must go out to work as being bad or neglectful or selfish parents.




As sometimes kids arent planned, and sometimes kids are planned but circumstances change,  I wouldnt have said what _*sparkee*_ did about having them at all if you couldnt look after them.  

However, the opinion still exists that if a parent can stay at home, the parent should and the OP specifically says that she could, so its not a necessity that she leaves the children with a childminder.


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## ney001 (12 May 2009)

sparkeee said:


> i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.



Smug and out of date comment particularly in the context of the times were find ourselves in, where people cannot afford not to work.  Re OP, I am usually fairly black and white about most issues, if there is a doubt or a breakdown of trust then they must go, you will always be wondering if she is losing her temper with the kids and quite frankly given that she has monthly problems she will lose her temper again.  If it were me, I would get rid, have enough of my own problems to deal with without taking on babysitter issues.


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## Smashbox (12 May 2009)

OP, did you decide on a plan of action?


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## MOB (12 May 2009)

I don't mean to make little of this issue, but there is a bit of storm in teacup about it.

Admittedly I don't use the word 'brat' (I never liked that word) and I would be more of a finger-wagger than a fist-shaker.  But I have lost count of the number of times that I have raised my voice to one or other of my kids and warned them that I don't want to hear another word out of them.   Am I going mad or is this pretty normal?   It doesn't seem to me like the minder has crossed some line that puts her beyond the Pale.


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## UptheDeise (12 May 2009)

television said:


> Not very understanding are you?? The lady does nto want a lesson in childminding. Or a patronising lesson. She wants empathy and a solution.


 
I agree with sparkee, why have children if your not going to raise them yourself? Also, Sparkee is voicing his/her own opinion, so there's nothing wrong with that.

In fact I find your post very patronising. Maybe if this woman was to stay at home and raise her own kids she'll find how difficult it actually is. It is the hardest job in The World but one of the most rewarding.


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## sparkeee (12 May 2009)

my apologies i understand,i think i was just blessed with a good set of circumstances as a child,i realise maybe everyone cant have such an idyllic childhood.i think you are coping well with juggling work and the children.


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## sparkeee (12 May 2009)

holly said:


> Lucky you sparkeee... did your father die young? did he beat your mother? did our parents split up?There seems to be some serious issues in your past experiences would you like to talk about them,i'm a good listener.


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## Mommah (12 May 2009)

sparkeee said:


> i work harder now because of it so as i may provide enough for my wife to do the same for my children.


 
Sparkee
I think it is fantastic that you appreciate so much what your mum did for you.
However, I knew from your first post that you were not a parent yet.
Life is not a bed of roses.
I hope your wife will enjoy staying at home...it's not for everyone.
I hope she agrees with your expectation that she should abandon her career not all women are willing to give up what they worked so hard for.
I hope you can earn enough to support you all through thick and thin.
Maybe perhaps if your wife earns more than you, you could stay at home?

I have been lucky to be a stay at home mom since my kids were born.
But I'm going back to my career soon...a full 4 grades down from where I left( some call it mommy-tracked), because my husband has lost his job.  I'm lucky to be able to earn a living to help support my family. 

Elaine is a single mum....not a bed of rose for sure.

Elaine I have shouted and waved a fist at my kids in the car and I love them dearly. WHat you had here was a combo of a sick carer and 2 sick kids...I take it she's not superwoman.

I would bring it up in an understanding way, but explain to her that the kids are fearful now. No harm in marking her card. understandable that you have trust issues, given your recent experiences.


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## Purple (12 May 2009)

UptheDeise said:


> It is the hardest job in The World but one of the most rewarding.


 Well, that might be pushing it a bit. I accept that it can be stressful but working as an eye surgeon in the third world would also be very rewarding (perhaps more rewarding?) and project managing a space mission might be harder, maybe?

I find minding the kids much easier than working (outside the home; nearly left that bit out) and as for the cleaning/ washing & ironing/ cooking, well I do most of that anyway. 
I’m not trying to say that staying at home to mind your kids is not important or rewarding or even difficult at times but it’s much, much easier than working full time and doing all the other stuff as well.
Lets not lose the run of ourselves here.


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## kingspoofer (12 May 2009)

Your a single parent you need to get someone to mind them.Kids are not easy and if a women minding them did this to them she has no patience which you have to have with kids, if it is true give her the boot.Confront her on the matter asap.





elainem said:


> Hi! Sparkee, the only problem is that I am a single parent, and if money goes from family business in these difficult times, then I am left with nothing. It costs money to raise children especially when you want to given them all the usual stuff, music lessons, swimming lesssons, extra lessons to help reading, karate lessons, dancing lessons - this stuff doesn't come cheap and is important for their confidence and general development - apart from the fact that they really enjoy these activities.


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## sparkeee (12 May 2009)

i actually have five children and i work like a dog,always have,i luv the thought of providing the best i can for the chisslers.I can understand people,especially single parents being in a dilemma not of their choosing.It just saddens me to see chisslers missing out on the prescious bonding years,i know it cant be helped but i am still of the opinion a parent is the best person to raise a child.


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## moneygrower (12 May 2009)

sparkeee said:


> the reason we have children is to raise them in our mould or likeness,giving them to others to raise while we are out all day working is not a good example in my mind.Who knows what ethics or opinions are being formed in a childs mind.



Is this not kids as an ego trip? I think my son benefits greatly from the influence of other kind,considerate adults who have qualities/traits I lack. I think it's a bit daft to think you should be the only one who moulds your child.

Having said that, I would not be happy with my son be referred to as a brat. It's not a nice term and I'd want a genuine apology from the child minder.


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## sparkeee (13 May 2009)

it does boost my ego when i think of my children yes.Chisslers get influence from adults and other children alike throughout their lives.The biggest influence on a child will be good parents.When children get involved in crime,robbing joyriding drugs,we are all quick to blame bad parents.Likewise when children are good we credit a good upbringing.I would like to think i am a positive influence on my children and that they are benefiting from being raised at home by their mother the majority of the time.If someone refers to a child as a brat,is there a reason for it.People always say "not my child,they wouldnt do that"but if your not there how can you know.


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## sparkeee (13 May 2009)

ney001 said:


> Smug and out of date comment particularly in the context of the times were find ourselves in, where people cannot afford not to work. Re OP, I am usually fairly black and white about most issues, if there is a doubt or a breakdown of trust then they must go, you will always be wondering if she is losing her temper with the kids and quite frankly given that she has monthly problems she will lose her temper again. If it were me, I would get rid, have enough of my own problems to deal with without taking on babysitter issues.


 Have you ever thought with the spiralling crime rate and children recieving asbos,under age drinking and preteen pregnancies,gangs of out of control teens terrorising neighbourhoods that maybe the smug out of date parenting was the best way.


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## Mommah (13 May 2009)

I wonder if we (parents) should apply higher standards to our childminders than we do ourselves?

Would I be in danger of verbally (not physically) losing it with my kids if I was sick and they were grouchy and difficult ( and I didn't realise they were sick too)?

Would I be in danger of shouting...Yes
Waving a finger, maybe a fist (I don't hit my kids but I do wave things)

My kids are in school here in France.
The teachers are MUCH tougher on the kids than the equivalent in Ireland.
The kids are MUCH more controlled and obedient.
Ergo, the teachers and the kids have ALOT more freedom.

The kids have gone on lots of day trips to the city (30 X 5yos)
This friday my sons class of 5 yos are cycling 9 miles to the local lake with the teacher and some volunteer parents. This type of thing is done all the time.

Because they have control.
No way could the equivalent irish class of junior infants do this...in my opinion.

We have sort of lost it I think, being too soft on our kids and abandoning good discipline.


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## polo1 (13 May 2009)

Mommah - couldnt agree more... Children and us parents have lost the run of ourseleves. 
To the original poster  - if it wasnt a regular occurence I would put it down to a bad day and move on...


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## ney001 (13 May 2009)

sparkeee said:


> Have you ever thought with the spiralling crime rate and children recieving asbos,under age drinking and preteen pregnancies,gangs of out of control teens terrorising neighbourhoods that maybe the smug out of date parenting was the best way.



No I have not thought that!.  I have thought that single, gay, married, working, unemployed doesn't matter what your circumstances are, as a parent you should be vigilant and aware of your parental responsibilities even if that includes hiring somebody to watch your children.  In my experience gangs, binge drinking etc happens at the weekends/evenings i.e Friday & Saturday nights - presumably when both parents are home!.   

Smug and out of date yes!


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## liaconn (13 May 2009)

sparkeee said:


> Have you ever thought with the spiralling crime rate and children recieving asbos,under age drinking and preteen pregnancies,gangs of out of control teens terrorising neighbourhoods that maybe the smug out of date parenting was the best way.


 
The kids next door to me were brought up by a stay at home mother and were the biggest brats on the road. Now, as young adults, they are still causing chaos everytime they get the house to themselves. The quality of the parents has a lot to do with how the children turn out, and staying at home does not automatically make you a wonderful mother.


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## Mel (13 May 2009)

sparkeee said:


> my mother stayed at home and looked after us,my father worked hard and provided,we formed a wonderful bond.Is this valueless nowadays,the reason we have children is to raise them in our mould or likeness,giving them to others to raise while we are out all day working is not a good example in my mind.Who knows what ethics or opinions are being formed in a childs mind.Children form their personalities from the people around them,a nanny shaking a fist will form an unwanted trait.Best to raise them personally the old fashioned out of date way.


 
My mother stayed at home and looked after us, and my father worked hard and provided; yet I have a much stronger bond with my father than with my mother. I believe my mother suffered from being in the home, she didn't enjoy it, and we children suffered as a result. 
I have an _incredibly_ strong bond with my child even though I work full-time. Children will form the correct ethics and opinions as long as the lines of communication with their parents remain open, and that's not dependent on being at home 24-7.


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## alaskaonline (13 May 2009)

Mel said:


> My mother stayed at home and looked after us, and my father worked hard and provided; yet I have a much stronger bond with my father than with my mother. I believe my mother suffered from being in the home, she didn't enjoy it, and we children suffered as a result.
> I have an _incredibly_ strong bond with my child even though I work full-time. Children will form the correct ethics and opinions as long as the lines of communication with their parents remain open, and that's not dependent on being at home 24-7.


 
well said!


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## sparkeee (13 May 2009)

ney001 said:


> No I have not thought that!. I have thought that single, gay, married, working, unemployed doesn't matter what your circumstances are, as a parent you should be vigilant and aware of your parental responsibilities even if that includes hiring somebody to watch your children. In my experience gangs, binge drinking etc happens at the weekends/evenings i.e Friday & Saturday nights - presumably when both parents are home!.
> 
> Smug and out of date yes!


 A lot of parents have these presumptions,some get the shock of their lives.


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## sparkeee (13 May 2009)

alaskaonline said:


> well said!


 well said.


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## sparkeee (13 May 2009)

Mel said:


> My mother stayed at home and looked after us, and my father worked hard and provided; yet I have a much stronger bond with my father than with my mother. I believe my mother suffered from being in the home, she didn't enjoy it, and we children suffered as a result.
> I have an _incredibly_ strong bond with my child even though I work full-time. Children will form the correct ethics and opinions as long as the lines of communication with their parents remain open, and that's not dependent on being at home 24-7.


 Thats sad.i still think parents are best at raising their own children.I dont feel it right that couples marry and then elect to have children and then give the child over to a stranger to raise.Do these children form strong emotional bonds with the childminders,i'm sure they do,when the minder is terminated it must be heart wrenching for the little ones.


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## BoscoTalking (14 May 2009)

sparkeee said:


> the reason we have children is to raise them in our mould or likeness,


 'em no thats obviously your reason, mine is to create an individual who thinks and acts in their own independent and unique way.



sparkeee said:


> Children form their personalities from the people around them.


 i also am not sure your "facts" are not infact being plucked from your 'em ear...


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## ice (14 May 2009)

Purple said:


> I’m not trying to say that staying at home to mind your kids is not important or rewarding or even difficult at times but it’s much, much easier than working full time and doing all the other stuff as well.
> Lets not lose the run of ourselves here.


 
I think a lot of people would disagree with this statement.....a lot of women see work as a break. They get to dress up for the office, go out for lunch, attend meetings etc. Staying home with children(esp when they are young) is tough.....I certainly would not say that its much much easier !


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## liaconn (15 May 2009)

ice said:


> I think a lot of people would disagree with this statement.....a lot of women see work as a break. They get to dress up for the office, go out for lunch, attend meetings etc.  !


 
But then they get to rush home, panicing that they'll be late and have to pay the creche extra, grab some shopping at the supermarket, tidy up the house (that they had to rush out of that morning without getting time to clear up breakfast things, pick up towels off the floor etc), get the dinner on, check homework, deal with tired, tantrum throwing todder, all in the space of a couple of hours.


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## Vanilla (15 May 2009)

ice said:


> I think a lot of people would disagree with this statement.....a lot of women see work as a break. They get to dress up for the office, go out for lunch, attend meetings etc. Staying home with children(esp when they are young) is tough.....I certainly would not say that its much much easier !


 
In much the same way as men think of work as a break from the house, kids and wife, I suppose? Cause they also get to 'dress up', go out for lunch and have meetings ( lucky devils).


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## ice (15 May 2009)

liaconn said:


> But then they get to rush home, panicing that they'll be late and have to pay the creche extra, grab some shopping at the supermarket, tidy up the house (that they had to rush out of that morning without getting time to clear up breakfast things, pick up towels off the floor etc), get the dinner on, check homework, deal with tired, tantrum throwing todder, all in the space of a couple of hours.


 
I have done both and find being at home a harder job....however each persons circumstances are different and its hard to define one as more difficult then the other. It depends on your personality, how many childern you have, what support you have, how stressful your job is etc etc...There are pros and cons to both.

Back the the original post.....Its hard to hand over the care of your child to someone else - even a close family memeber would do things differently then you would perhaps like. Talk to your childminder - her reaction will tell you a lot.


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## cleverclogs7 (21 May 2009)

not saying anything against your kids,i have 2 and know how they can be.kids dont always act like angels as im sure yours dont also.they also bend the truth.
Have you sat your child minder down and spoken to her in a calm manner.? seems like you have had your fare share of minders.so maybe your little kids need a lesson in dicipline ? i am a single mom also and kids will be kids.its a part of growing up.

if you get another mined you need to screen the minder check cv and referances.


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