# Refusing to socialise with colleagues



## liaconn (13 Dec 2013)

Someone I work with is not coming along to our Christmas booze up tonight. Not because they have something else on, or because they're broke, or because they don't drink or anything like that. Their reason is that they 'don't mix their work and social life'!
I'm not talking about some seriously senior person who wants to keep a professional distance from staff. This is just one of the team.
I've heard people before say they 'have a rule' that they don't socialise with colleagues.
To each their own I suppose, but I've made some great friends through various places I've worked and find this attitude a bit silly. Obviously it's important to have friends outside of work but refusing to ever go for a drink with workmates or a Christmas do is surely a bit OTT?


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## Sunny (13 Dec 2013)

I am with you. I have met some of my best friends through work. I spend most of my life with these people so it's good to get on with them. Having said that, if people don't want to go out then fair enough. I am probably just jealous that they have such a large group of friends outside of work!


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## so-crates (13 Dec 2013)

I would in general agree with you, but you don't know their whole back story. It is possible there are other reasons they don't want to share that mean they aren't comfortable sharing a drink with colleagues. Maybe there is a history of issues with alcohol, or maybe they find it difficult to manage alcohol intake and are fearful of the outcome (I had one colleague who always avoided the Christmas do but would socialise with colleagues on other occasions - eventually he admitted he had disgraced himself terribly at a Christmas do in his previous job so never felt comfortable with them again)


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## liaconn (13 Dec 2013)

Sunny said:


> I am with you. I have met some of my best friends through work. I spend most of my life with these people so it's good to get on with them. Having said that, if people don't want to go out then fair enough. I am probably just jealous that they have such a large group of friends outside of work!



To be honest, I suspect some of these people are trying too hard to prove they 'have a life'.


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## Sunny (13 Dec 2013)

I once put a drunk colleague in a taxi that had been booked on the company a/c for the CEO. Drunk colleague proceeded to destroy said taxi. How we laughed when we heard the taxi company rang up on the Monday saying the CEO had soiled the taxi and they were sending in a bill. The poor CEO spent months talking about reputational damage.....

Xmas parties are dangerous.


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## liaconn (13 Dec 2013)

That made me laugh!


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## so-crates (13 Dec 2013)

Brilliant!


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## TarfHead (13 Dec 2013)

liaconn said:


> .. but refusing to ever go for a drink with workmates or a Christmas do is surely a bit OTT?


 
The flip side is that your response is a bit OTT ? If someone does not want to be there, their choice should be respected, regardless of the stated reason.


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## nai (13 Dec 2013)

I'm not going to the company do tonight or team booze up next week either - not because I have something else on, just because I don't want to go. I keep my social circle & nights out separate from work.

I really don't see the point - I've found over the years that most people end up talking about work, getting stuck in forced conversations etc, attempting forced joviality, end up boss watching etc. - I would prefer to just go home and save my nights out for one I want to go to.

Don't get me wrong - I have made many good friends through work over the years but we socialize as friends (I don't work with any of them now) , not at work outings.


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## liaconn (13 Dec 2013)

TarfHead said:


> The flip side is that your response is a bit OTT ? If someone does not want to be there, their choice should be respected, regardless of the stated reason.



Well the point of my post was that I find it a bit ridiculous when people say they 'never' socialise with colleagues. You can respect someone's right to do something while also finding the reasoning behind it a bit odd. I have no issue with anyone not wanting to come to the Christmas night out. I have abstained myself sometimes in the past because I had too much on or was tired or whatever. But I would never turn around to a colleague and say I don't mix my work and personal life. It sounds dismissive and a bit of a posture in my opinion.


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## The_Banker (13 Dec 2013)

I socialise with colleagues all the time but when it comes to xmas parties I generally decline.
After 3 pints Im usually blotto and I generally speak my mind when sober so me drunk with managers around is a dangerous combination.


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## TarfHead (13 Dec 2013)

liaconn said:


> .. It sounds dismissive and a bit of a posture in my opinion.


 
I agree. It sounds like a bogus reason and should not be taken at face value.


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## Deiseblue (13 Dec 2013)

Post the 1992 Bank strike the atmosphere in our Department at the time was absolutely poisonous as some worked & more didn't .

The sports & social committee was disbanded & the Christmas party was cancelled , never mind post work drinks groups who had previously taken lunch & coffee breaks together split into the different camps - the 2 nearest pubs were also split down the same lines !

It probably took the bones of 10 years & a raft of retirements & transfers before a degree of social interaction took place.


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## Sunny (13 Dec 2013)

You must regret working then?!


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## Deiseblue (13 Dec 2013)

Sunny said:


> You must regret working then?!



I think there were regrets on both sides to be honest 

From a workplace that thrived on a sharing of ideas & partnership it became a battleground - prompting a decline which culminated in the Department closing in recent years.


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## W200 (13 Dec 2013)

liaconn said:


> It sounds dismissive and a bit of a posture in my opinion.


So you think the opinion / view / decision of a fellow " team member " is desmissive and a bit of a posture . Some team that must be


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## liaconn (14 Dec 2013)

W200 said:


> So you think the opinion / view / decision of a fellow " team member " is desmissive and a bit of a posture . Some team that must be


 


What are you on about?? All I said is that someone responding to a query as to whether they're coming along to a social event with 'no, I don't mix  my work and my social life' sounds dismissive and a bit of a posture. Does being on the same team as someone mean that whatever they say you have to agree with it? That's not a team, that's a dictatorship.


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## AgathaC (14 Dec 2013)

I'm not a big fan of Christmas parties, I don't have one anymore where I work now, and that doesnt bother me at all. If it doesnt suit me to attend a work event, I just decline politely. I wouldn't feel the need to make it a statement about 'not mixing work and social life'. Like others here, I have made good friends over the years through various workplaces, and attended plenty of enjoyable events too.

Hope the party was good, Liaconn.


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## W200 (14 Dec 2013)

liaconn said:


> What are you on about?? All I said is that someone responding to a query as to whether they're coming along to a social event with 'no, I don't mix  my work and my social life' sounds dismissive and a bit of a posture. Does being on the same team as someone mean that whatever they say you have to agree with it? That's not a team, that's a dictatorship.



 So I presume that you told this team member that you thought his comments sound "dismissive and a bit of a posture" before running behind his back to post on a public forum.
After all that’s what teamwork is about, the ability to speak openly and honestly within that team.


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## Time (14 Dec 2013)

Everyone has a right not to socialise. That right should be respected.

I never ever socialise with people from work that is my choice and it is respected. In 20 years working both in the civil service and private sector not once have I went to any xmas parties, social events or team building exercises. I simply abstain, no one has a problem with it. It is my business not theirs or the employers business.

Now if someone had a problem with my position I would certainly raise a grievance with management.


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## Purple (16 Dec 2013)

W200 said:


> So I presume that you told this team member that you thought his comments sound "dismissive and a bit of a posture" before running behind his back to post on a public forum.


I must have missed the post where Liaconn posted the name of their team member, or their own name, or where they work, or what they work at or even the tiniest sliver of information that could possibly identify who they were talking about.


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## Liamos (16 Dec 2013)

Time said:


> Everyone has a right not to socialise. That right should be respected.
> 
> I never ever socialise with people from work that is my choice and it is respected. In 20 years working both in the civil service and private sector not once have I went to any xmas parties, social events or team building exercises. I simply abstain, no one has a problem with it. It is my business not theirs or the employers business.
> 
> Now if someone had a problem with my position I would certainly raise a grievance with management.



But why not? Do you not think that once a year, in the spirit of friendship and goodwill, its nice to socialise with the people you've been working with all year?


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## Sunny (16 Dec 2013)

Time said:


> Everyone has a right not to socialise. That right should be respected.
> 
> I never ever socialise with people from work that is my choice and it is respected. In 20 years working both in the civil service and private sector not once have I went to any xmas parties, social events or team building exercises. I simply abstain, no one has a problem with it. It is my business not theirs or the employers business.
> 
> Now if someone had a problem with my position I would certainly raise a grievance with management.


 
Whatever about Xmas parties and nights out, if you are avoiding team building exercises, management should be having a word with you about your attitude. I personally don't have any time for forced team building exercises but I would never refuse to partake in one if my colleagues had to do it. To me that just makes it look like you think you are better than everyone else.


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## Time (16 Dec 2013)

Management had no issues as these were voluntary activities.


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## delgirl (16 Dec 2013)

Maybe the person in question has had a bad experience in the past or just doesn't have good social skills and feels awkward at such events?

A friend of mine, who just started a new job recently and is still getting used to the new workplace, colleagues, etc., went to the work Xmas party last week and was told by a senior work colleague, who up until then had been nothing other than pleasant and helpful at work, that she wasn't up to the job and would never make it.  Not only did he do that, he called over another senior work colleague and asked him to agree that she wasn't up to the job and wouldn't last!

Needless to say, she's devastated and is even more nervous going in to work than she was prior to the comments.


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## liaconn (16 Dec 2013)

delgirl said:


> Maybe the person in question has had a bad experience in the past or just doesn't have good social skills and feels awkward at such events?
> 
> A friend of mine, who just started a new job recently and is still getting used to the new workplace, colleagues, etc., went to the work Xmas party last week and was told by a senior work colleague, who up until then had been nothing other than pleasant and helpful at work, that she wasn't up to the job and would never make it.  Not only did he do that, he called over another senior work colleague and asked him to agree that she wasn't up to the job and wouldn't last!
> 
> Needless to say, she's devastated and is even more nervous going in to work than she was prior to the comments.



Well that is totally out of order and could be construed as bullying. 
I have, in the past, advised a friend in work to try and avoid social occasions as she always got very drunk and said things she regretted and then agonised about it afterwards. It was also getting her a very bad name.  Obviously there are sometimes good reasons why people don't want to go to work events.

In my post I was talking generally about people who just decide, regardless of what their colleagues are like, that they don't want to do any socialising with people from work whether it's the Christmas party, someone's farewell drinks or just a few colleagues deciding to go out for a meal together, and makes a 'statement' to this effect when invited. 

W200 are you deliberately trying to be nasty and provocative for some reason?


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## liaconn (16 Dec 2013)

Time said:


> Everyone has a right not to socialise. That right should be respected.
> 
> I never ever socialise with people from work that is my choice and it is respected. In 20 years working both in the civil service and private sector not once have I went to any xmas parties, social events or team building exercises. I simply abstain, no one has a problem with it. It is my business not theirs or the employers business.
> 
> Now if someone had a problem with my position I would certainly raise a grievance with management.



Of course people have a 'right' not to socialise. But I don't think I'd have that much respect for someone who never ever bothered to make a tiny effort to attend someone's going away drinks or retirement party or promotion celebration. It seems a bit mean spirited.


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## Booter (16 Dec 2013)

For me, its one of the annual hazards of the season, that some colleague will attempt to cajole me into attending the xmas party. In my current job for about 15 years, I've never attended. 
In fact, there was a conversation just last week when I was "arm-twisted", and asked if I didn't feel under pressure to attend. I patiently explained for the umpteenth time that I don't go to parties, that those days are long behind me. Rather than the person taking what I thought was a decent hint, they pushed on, telling me that this was "so sad". While they were talking, I was thinking to myself how sad a lot of people - including me -would be if my party days were still in full swing, and what a constant cause for celebration it is that I'll be going home to my family for xmas.

(Reading that back it seems a little heavy; it wasn't meant to come across all earnest.)
People have their reasons for attending or not attending. The key thing is that they don't owe anyone an explanation of those reasons. Live and let live.

Happy xmas to all...even the party-goers!


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## liaconn (16 Dec 2013)

Well, I agree with that Booter and can't stand people who try to pressurise people to attend things they clearly don't want to. I'm not a party type myself and don't go to the Christmas event if it's in a hotel with a band and a 3 course meal and lots of 'dad dancing' from senior managers. Luckily most of my current colleagues feel the same so we go to a restaurant for a late lunch and then on to the pub.


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## Sunny (16 Dec 2013)

liaconn said:


> Of course people have a 'right' not to socialise. But I don't think I'd have that much respect for someone who never ever bothered to make a tiny effort to attend someone's going away drinks or retirement party or promotion celebration. It seems a bit mean spirited.


 
I have absolutely no problem with anyone not deciding to go out on nights out. I have a young child and I know I would rather spend time with her. However, I have also worked with people that would rather sit at their desk looking at the internet during a coffee break than spend five minutes having a cup of coffee and a piece of cake when someone is leaving or celebrating a promotion or a birth of a child etc. And I don't get that.

Having said all that, the joys of work mean that you end up spending a lot of time with people with different personalities and with people who you would never be friendly with. Unless it starts interfering with work, I tend not to care.


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## liaconn (16 Dec 2013)

I suppose it's all about balance really. People need a life and activities and friendships away from work and it's not healthy to socialise entirely with colleagues or to depend on work events for your social life. But people who turn their nose up at the very_ idea _of going for a drink with a colleague or showing their face for an hour at someone's retirement party or promotion celebration need to get over themselves.
And I definitely think there's something a bit sad about someone who in their entire working life over many years, hasn't made one single friend or kept in touch with anyone from any previous job,  even if it just involves a meet up once a year or the odd quick lunch.


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## The_Banker (16 Dec 2013)

Sunny said:


> Whatever about Xmas parties and nights out, if you are avoiding team building exercises, management should be having a word with you about your attitude. I personally don't have any time for forced *team building exercises* but I would never refuse to partake in one if my colleagues had to do it. To me that just makes it look like you think you are better than everyone else.


 
One of the few perks of the down turn... Companies are cutting back so team building exercises are culled...

I remember a good few years bad they wanted me to go to a hotel over two nights in a different county on a team building exercise. I refused point blank.
They can have me 9-5 but not 24/7.

Another one we had was where a company came on site for team building... They got us throwing a tennis ball amoung 5 people and then introduced more tennis balls and when someone dropped one they stopped the exercise to explain to us that the more balls you have in the air the more chance you might drop one! I mean, who comes up with this rubbish?
Another one we had to wear blindfolds. I not sure what the point of that one was because I walked out and refused to partake. At 44 it was like going back to kindergarden.

Thankfully the recession has sorted this problem.


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## Purple (16 Dec 2013)

The_Banker said:


> Another one we had to wear blindfolds.



Sounds like something from Jim will Fix It


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## TarfHead (16 Dec 2013)

Not sure if it was social or team-building but the time we went paint-balling, the amount of paint on management told its own story  !


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## Sunny (16 Dec 2013)

The_Banker said:


> One of the few perks of the down turn... Companies are cutting back so team building exercises are culled...
> 
> I remember a good few years bad they wanted me to go to a hotel over two nights in a different county on a team building exercise. I refused point blank.
> They can have me 9-5 but not 24/7.
> ...


 
I agree. They are one of biggest con jobs ever inflicted on the world and companies with more money than sense just lapped them up....

It al started going wrong when the personnel department got renamed 'Human Resources'....


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## Marion (16 Dec 2013)

I agree. The recession has thankfully put an end to the greatest nuisance work wise ever.

It was a nightmare having to spend a day playing really stupid games/role plays.

Unfortunately, we still have some awkward people giving poor PowerPoint presentations on sometimes useless topics as part of staff development. 

Complete waste of public money.

Keeping the post on topic , I don't attend work-organised social events but I enjoy the company of colleagues at informal lunches. 

I think the word "refusing"in the thread title is a little  bit harsh. 


Marion


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## SlugBreath (17 Dec 2013)

I never enjoyed work parties and eventually stopped going to them after giving them a try. Colleagues stocking up with drinks as the "free" bar was about to close. Pints of Guinness with flat heads on them littering the tables. Then the "we are going on to such and such club" after the Christmas party to consume more drink. In those days cigarette smoke stinging the eyes out of your head. Male colleagues with their guffawing at sexist jokes etc.
But I also didn't like the individuals that never went to the parties but were on the phone the next day to hear all the gossip.
In the end I decided that this was not for me and effectively opted out of both the parties and the gossip.


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## liaconn (17 Dec 2013)

Marion said:


> I agree. The recession has thankfully put an end to the greatest nuisance work wise ever.
> 
> It was a nightmare having to spend a day playing really stupid games/role plays.
> 
> ...



Sorry, didn't mean to sound harsh. I wasn't criticising people who don't generally, for whatever reason, spend much time socialsing with colleagues. I was really talking about people (and I've heard it a few times) who say in a disdainful kind of voice 'oh God no. I never go out with people from work' or 'I have a life. Why would I want to socialise with work people'?  It's as if they think they're superior to people who occasionally enjoy a night out with workmates.


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## TarfHead (17 Dec 2013)

liaconn said:


> I was really talking about people .. who say .. 'I have a life.


 
IMHO ..

People who actually have an active and varied social life would attend such after-work events. And those people who are so disposed to say "I have a life", often don't. At least not one anyone would envy. When I hear that said I like to construct a mental image of them slobbing on the couch watching repeats of some TV programme they would never admit to watching.

People who are active in their own time, be it socially or sports or voluntary work, rarely feel the need to disclose it.

When people ask "how was your weekend", they're often saying "ask me about mine" .


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## cremeegg (17 Dec 2013)

I went to a team building event once. It wasn't voluntary, it was two working days, sitting around a conference table talking about work issues, staying one night in a hotel. This is a large well known company, in the UK. The kind of company that if you get a job there as a young graduate you feel that you have it made.

There were people from different offices from all over the country, who mostly didn't know each other, mostly young, a year out of college.

The sessions started off slowly, people were awkward and slow to participate.The company had hired a psychologist to develop "icebreakers" activities and games to help people overcome their inhibitions and participate more fully. 

They worked well and after a time everyone was enthusiastically disscussing and debating.

That evening after dinner we were all required to attend a session in the hotel bar. Drinking wasn't required but the conference organisers were buying freely.

The formal part of the evening ended about 10.30. People drifted off after that but there was still a tab open at the bar.

A young male employee of the company after a day of team building activities designed to loosen inhibitions and an evening of alcohol all paid for by his employers, made a comment to a female hotel guest unconnected to the company.

She complained, (not unreasonably), and he was fired.

I have never been able to respect "team building" exercises since.


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## SoylentGreen (17 Dec 2013)

liaconn said:


> Sorry, didn't mean to sound harsh. I wasn't criticising people who don't generally, for whatever reason, spend much time socialsing with colleagues. I was really talking about people (and I've heard it a few times) who say in a disdainful kind of voice 'oh God no. I never go out with people from work' or 'I have a life. Why would I want to socialise with work people'?  It's as if they think they're superior to people who occasionally enjoy a night out with workmates.



I have to say that if you keep watering down your original opening statement you will end up on the other side of the argument.

Liaconn. Would you participate in the "twelve pubs of Christmas" that seems to be all the rage now?


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## liaconn (17 Dec 2013)

SoylentGreen said:


> I have to say that if you keep watering down your original opening statement you will end up on the other side of the argument.
> 
> Liaconn. Would you participate in the "twelve pubs of Christmas" that seems to be all the rage now?



I'm not watering it down. I'm clarifying what I meant as I don't seem to have expressed it very well in my opening post.

No I would be in a heap after the first six pubs!


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## W200 (17 Dec 2013)

Purple said:


> I must have missed the post where Liaconn posted the name of their team member, or their own name, or where they work, or what they work at or even the tiniest sliver of information that could possibly identify who they were talking about.




Well in reply to that all I can say is that in my case many of my friends and colleagues know I post occasionally on AAM. They know my username just as I know most of theirs. Therefore I would not post anything that I would not be prepared to say face to face with those people.


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## Betsy Og (18 Dec 2013)

I try to get to maybe half of the social events and hardly ever miss the Christmas do, though its not something I'd be majorly psyched up for - not going to the Christmas do often seems to me to be a bit of a protest vote, I bet there's a statistically significant correlation between those who dont go and have moved on by the next party (he said somewhat tongue in cheek..).

On occasion I might go and not drink (a shocking statement I know), in which case I'd be leaving long before it gets messy.

In general though my view would be that its not too much to ask for people to make an occasional appearance, and I'd be tempted to draw negative conclusions if they never ever show up (not saying that's right or fair but in the absence of some other explanation - which I wouldnt go looking for - I think that's where it would go).

As regards keeping work & other stuff separate, would generally agree, I'm not an enthusiast for family photos, kids drawings etc on display.


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## liaconn (18 Dec 2013)

W200 said:


> Well in reply to that all I can say is that in my case many of my friends and colleagues know I post occasionally on AAM. They know my username just as I know most of theirs. Therefore I would not post anything that I would not be prepared to say face to face with those people.



Well I make sure to never post anything that could identify me and will always change small details of an incident if I think it might give any clue whatsoever to who I am. So I am quite prepared to comment on unnamed people's behaviour on here in a way I wouldn't to their face.


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## liaconn (18 Dec 2013)

Betsy Og said:


> I try to get to maybe half of the social events and hardly ever miss the Christmas do, though its not something I'd be majorly psyched up for - not going to the Christmas do often seems to me to be a bit of a protest vote, I bet there's a statistically significant correlation between those who dont go and have moved on by the next party (he said somewhat tongue in cheek..).
> 
> On occasion I might go and not drink (a shocking statement I know), in which case I'd be leaving long before it gets messy.
> 
> ...



That's my view too although the occasional appearance doesn't necessarily have to be at Christmas. I can understand that people have a lot of demands on their time and wallets at Christmas time and a night out with people they see everyday is not necessarily top of their list. But it really annoys me when people can't just say that they're busy that night/can't get a babysitter or whatever. Why the need to go around making grandiose statements and turning their noses up and acting as if nights out with work people are beneath them. Also some of their colleagues will have put a lot of effort into organising the Christmas do and for others it might be the only event they've been invited to over Christmas so I doubt they're impressed with colleagues making derisory and dismissive comments about it.
And as for the miserable people who can never ever spare an hour of their precious free time to wish a colleague a happy retirement or to congratulate someone on a well deserved promotion, no matter how nice that person has been to them - I presume they won't be having any farewell party when they leave, as I doubt there'll be much of an attendance.


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## liaconn (18 Dec 2013)

Wow, just read my last post back. It sounds very angry!

Sorry.


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## TarfHead (18 Dec 2013)

liaconn said:


> But it really annoys me when people can't just say that they're busy that night/can't get a babysitter or whatever. Why the need to go around making grandiose statements and turning their noses up and acting as if nights out with work people are beneath them.


 
+1



liaconn said:


> And as for the miserable people who can never ever spare an hour of their precious free time to wish a colleague a happy retirement or to congratulate someone on a well deserved promotion, no matter how nice that person has been to them - I presume they won't be having any farewell party when they leave, as I doubt there'll be much of an attendance.


 
No promotions around here since about 2009. Lots of farewells, but no farewell parties. Sad, but true.


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## SoylentGreen (18 Dec 2013)

liaconn said:


> Also some of their colleagues will have put a lot of effort into organising the Christmas do and for others it might be the only event they've been invited to over Christmas so I doubt they're impressed with colleagues making derisory and dismissive comments about it.



I understand that when attending the 12 pubs of Christmas the last 6 are usually the best!


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## liaconn (18 Dec 2013)

SoylentGreen said:


> I understand that when attending the 12 pubs of Christmas the last 6 are usually the best!



Huh?


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## Marion (18 Dec 2013)

Tomorrow, my colleagues and I in a particular sector, will be ordering in take-out food at lunch time. Indian for most, Chinese for some and for others,  meat, spud and veg. €15 a head.

We will have non alcoholic drinks,  I brought in some of my homemade elderflower syrup ( of which I am very pleased) and sparkling (water) others will bring in schloer or other non alcoholic drinks. We are after all in a college and it wouldn't look good to have the teachers tipsy after lunch on a Thursday afternoon.!  Others will bring in the window dressing - candles, tablecloth and napkins. (There was an official work night out last week weekend.) 

Marion


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## Purple (19 Dec 2013)

Marion said:


> Tomorrow, my colleagues and I in a particular sector, will be ordering in take-out food at lunch time. Indian for most, Chinese for some and for others,  meat, spud and veg. €15 a head.
> 
> We will have non alcoholic drinks,  I brought in some of my homemade elderflower syrup ( of which I am very pleased) and sparkling (water) others will bring in schloer or other non alcoholic drinks. We are after all in a college and it wouldn't look good to have the teachers tipsy after lunch on a Thursday afternoon.!  Others will bring in the window dressing - candles, tablecloth and napkins. (There was an official work night out last week weekend.)
> 
> Marion


That sounds very nice. It's good to make an effort in work as well as for nights out.


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## Firefly (20 Dec 2013)

Marion said:


> Tomorrow, my colleagues and I in a particular sector, will be ordering in take-out food at lunch time. Indian for most, Chinese for some and for others,  meat, spud and veg. €15 a head.
> 
> We will have non alcoholic drinks,  I brought in some of my homemade elderflower syrup ( of which I am very pleased) and sparkling (water) others will bring in schloer or other non alcoholic drinks. We are after all in a college and it wouldn't look good to have the teachers tipsy after lunch on a Thursday afternoon.!  Others will bring in the window dressing - candles, tablecloth and napkins. (There was an official work night out last week weekend.)
> 
> Marion



Hi Marion,

That sounds lovely  Nice article in the IT about non-alcoholic parties and the like: http://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/christmas-cheer-without-the-beer-1.1629861 

Alternatively you could slip something into your handbag


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## Marion (20 Dec 2013)

It was actually great fun. Somebody also brought in a 5ft decorated Christmas tree and we had lunch with music in the background. (Unheard of generally at work) There were just 8 of us and we had such a great laugh. 

@Firefly, I have a very large handbag 

Marion


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## RainyDay (20 Dec 2013)

I remember being berated for my poor leadership/management skills when some of my team (mainly mothers of young children at the time) declined to attend the after-hours 'morale' event. My attempts to explain that adults are generally good at working what is good for their own morale didn't go down too well. Maybe that's why I don't work there anymore.


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## Kine (23 Dec 2013)

Betsy Og said:


> I bet there's a statistically significant correlation between those who dont go and have moved on by the next party (he said somewhat tongue in cheek..).


 
I do remember reading a study about this - but it generally will be the case. If you are a relatively frequent "after hours" socialiser in the office (and are not a complete tool!) managers will rmember you more than the 9-5 people who, while may be amazing at their job, come across as not a "team player" and the like.


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## STEINER (28 Dec 2013)

I have always attended any freebie Christmas party going! At my wife's previous employer, a guy got called into his manager's office the next working day after the party and got admonished for telling a risque joke in the presence of female colleagues.  With the same employer on another occasion a newish girl got rather drunk and was promptly dismissed when she returned to work.

There was once in the Burlington, I destroyed a cubicle in the gents, too much to eat and drink and it all spewed back up.  I tipped the attendant €20 and rejoined my colleagues who were none the wiser, thankfully.

Another Burlington Christmas party night, when I shared a room with 2 other guys, there was some serious action in the next room with the headboard banging, paper thin rooms and all that.


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## Grizzly (28 Dec 2013)

STEINER said:


> Another Burlington Christmas party night, when I shared a room with 2 other guys, there was some serious action in the next room with the headboard banging, paper thin rooms and all that.



Were you the meat in the sandwich?


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## Purple (29 Dec 2013)

STEINER said:


> Another Burlington Christmas party night, when I shared a room with 2 other guys, there was some serious action in the next room with the headboard banging, paper thin rooms and all that.





Grizzly said:


> Were you the meat in the sandwich?



You asked for that.


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## cork (14 Jan 2014)

I heard of a case over Christmas where a guy was let go because he could not remember the names of the people he was working with.

There is a happy medium.


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## Deas (15 Jan 2014)

cork said:


> I heard of a case over Christmas where a guy was let go because he could not remember the names of the people he was working with.
> 
> There is a happy medium.


 
But was this before or after the party?


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## Time (15 Jan 2014)

Big payout at EAT for him.


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## DB74 (16 Jan 2014)

Time said:


> Big payout at EAT for him.



If he can remember where he worked!


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## Marion (18 Jan 2014)

DB74 said:


> If he can remember where he worked!





Marion


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## potnoodler (2 Mar 2014)

Tbh to me it just feels like a longer day at work
Yes I go but would prefer not


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## Leper (7 Mar 2015)

Interesting thread, this. It's a year since the last comment was posted and another Christmas has passed.  The economy is improving, some people have a few more bob in their pockets.  Where I work the local management have got brainwave after brainwave e.g. seeking suggestions to improve things (something they are already being pad for! and of course, Let's all work as a better team (from people who wouldn't see teamwork in the Irish Rugby Team).

I know I'm a terminal carrier of the cynic virus (I've been driven this way) so a year on . . . do you still think the same of Christmas parties . . . and other after work activities inspired by management?


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## PaddyW (9 Mar 2015)

We haven't had a Christmas party in years. Suits me fine to be honest, I see enough of the people I work with at work, I  wouldn't be too bothered to socialise with them.


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## Sol28 (9 Mar 2015)

I think it really depends on your stage in life. if you're a settled parent with kids - you may not have the time nor the inclination to socialise with work. If you're a new joiner - someone who's moved to a new location with work - then you may be looking to increase your social interaction and work can be a great place to make friends.

I work for a consultancy company - we are out on site all the time - and don't get to know others from the company. Which can be a hindrance when trying to look for some assistance on your customers work. In that case the social elements are essential to form work connections.


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## so-crates (9 Mar 2015)

No big Christmas party for us this year. It is a shame - I missed the catch up with opportunity with seldom seen colleagues. Have I changed my mind? No, I would still on the whole be in favour of work-related socialising and I do like Christmas parties but I understand fully that they are optional and do not suit everyone!


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## Leper (9 Mar 2015)

I usually do not, but three months ago I attended our Christmas Party.  We went to an upmarket restaurant and paid through the nose for what we ate.  The meal was exceptional and our small staff appeared to enjoy the whole night.  Half the people of our group were recovering alcoholics and remained so and the others respected the whole get-together.  In short we had a good and enjoyable night out.

I observed ladies at a nearby table on their Christmas Night Out.  I could hear them saying that their meal was company sponsored, but the drinks were at their own expense.  One lady remained sober and drank a soft drink or two as the night progressed.  The rest just ordered another bottle of Moet as they finished one. This went on for some hours.  I could see the lady on soft drinks getting somewhat concerned and she made an excuse and left the party soon after the meal.  The others continued to gulp champagne like it was going to run out.  I should point out here that the champagne was coming in at around €100 per bottle (+ Service Charge).  They received their bill at the same time we received ours.  You should have seen their faces which showed that their Christmas Night Out cost them much more than they anticipated.  Great way to ruin a whole Christmas and staff friendships.


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## Firefly (11 Mar 2015)

The best Christmas Party I ever had was my very first one. Fresh out of college, I was working for a bank on a large project. Over half of the 14 or so team members were contractors, making nice money. They each put 100 pounds into a kitty and brought us out for the night. The only rule was that if the money was not spent, it was gone. It was my first time having Champage coctails!! The official Christmas Party was a much duller affair, although I did buy my manager a Playboy calendar as I had him for Kris Kindle. He was happy too!


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