# Going rate for ADULT CHILD AT HOME - RENT.



## jojo1515

What is the going rate with an adult child who has now left college and working full time and they living at home. All their washing/ironing/cooking is done for them as they work long hours. Do we charge say €50.00 a week or should it be a percentage?
Co Cork.
Many thanks.


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## Harry31

Good Luck With That!!  Seriously though, at least 50E a week.  I hope you get on better than I did, since moved out, but when at home disaster!  Must say though, since moving away a completely different attitude - just grown up I suppose!!


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## callybags

A little below what it would cost them to rent a one bedroon apartment.

Then they have a clear choice.

Also, washing and ironing should not be included. Many people work long hours and have to cope with household chores.

Cooking could be an exception as it would be silly duplication if meals are already being prepared.


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## fender

I think it very much depends on your son or daughters attitude. If they are saving towards a home then charge them for what it costs you. i.e. his or her share of food &  bills that increase by him/her being there. 

If they are not saving-but living the good life then I would apportion them bills that dont cost extra by him/her being there such as rent, broadband, bins etc.

Whether you continue to look after them washing wise etc is down to your relationship.

No harm in looking after our offspring if we do it in a responsible way.


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## Janet

There was another thread today started by someone thinking about saving for a house/mortgage and they are paying €200 to their parents for rent.

In 1997, when I went back to Ireland after a couple of years away following college, I got my first "proper" job and moved in with my sister and her hubby and kids (it wasn't possible to get to my job from my parents house on public transport and be there by 8).  The kids were young and sharing rooms so I had my own bedroom and the arrangement was that I'd pay 50 pounds (so, what, 85-ish euro?) per month to cover food from Monday to Friday.  I was supposed to go to my parents on the weekends although myself and my sister had a great time living together so I often ended up staying, babysitting so she and hubby could go out on Saturdays and that kind of thing.  The idea was that I wouldn't have to pay much while I was saving for a deposit to rent my own place.  I ended up staying seven months as my dad got sick and it was all a bit much as well as being handy for visiting the hospice together.

I feel that an important point to take into consideration is whether or not the parents can afford it.  By which I mean that if they don't really need the cash to make ends meet then a small amount in cash (perhaps stipulating the child will pay the electricity/gas/other bills) combined with a stipulation that x% goes into savings might not be a bad way to go.  As a general rule isn't 25% of net income the recommendation for how much you should spend on accommodation, or at least what you shouldn't exceed?

It depends a bit on the relationship between parents and child as well.  I know that when I had to start handing up money at home (at age 15, had to hand over 5 of the 40 I earned for working for my dad) I resented the way it was done immensely and could never understand why he didn't just pay me 35 instead and be done with it.  In my experience, being made to feel that you have to contribute simply to "build character" isn't necessarily the best idea.  Even if the reason you are being asked to contribute is exactly that.  Not everyone will have my issues, obviously, but worth keeping in mind perhaps.


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## james j

I believe you should charge him whatever is needed to run home that he can afford .You are all family and it is everything.We are all here only for a short time and our real legacy
is our children and our children's children .When he is a pain try picture him as my children are now, all less than 12. I would give anything for them including my life. Maybe it changes as you get older but it hasnt for my mother, its what she instilled in us and I think its the nicest feeling  ever to know that no matter what my family are always there.


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## Sue Ellen

All things being relative their salary has to be borne in mind.

Previous relevant AAM thread although a bit dated.


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## wednesday

Not knowing what the weekly/monthly take home pay of your child is, it's hard to say for definite BUT I think you're being VERY fair by looking for €50 a week. 

I'd be looking for 1/3 of electric and heat too!! (as there is 3 in my home.) You're not being hard or mean. You've kept your child for a LONG time and it isn't unreasonable for them to 'keep' themselves now that they are able to.


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## buzybee

I think you should divide all utilities and food by the number of people in the house, add on a nominal amount for rent and charge that. Failing this take a third of the young persons net income. 

I don't agree with parents charging a person something tiny if the parents don't need the money. Why should some young people get off lightly.

When I was 15 in the late 80s I got 50 pounds a week for the summer. I gave 20 up at home. When I got my first real job I took home 120and gave up 40. My mother was an accountant working full time, father a farmer with 95 acres. I was only child. I also helped out at home and did not have the use of the family car. 

Subsidising kids breeds lazyness and they will not be able to cope as adults with budgeting.


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## vandriver

In the late 80s my first paying job was 110 a week.My Mam didn't know what I was earning and asked me if 10 was fair on my wages.To my eternal shame,I grudgingly agreed to pay this paltry sum.


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## PolkaDot

When I left college a few years ago I got a graduate position earning about €27k. I paid €100 per week at home until I moved out a few years later. Not excessive. But I was also trying to save.

It obviously depends on several factors. How much are they earning? What is their attitude like? Are they blowing the money on nights out or are they good savers? How much do the parents need the money?


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## Harry31

PolkaDot - why didn't I adopt you?  Joking aside, a reasonable amount to hand up at home is really something parents should insist on.  It's good training for the future & makes kids realise the value of money & what their wages mean in real living terms.  I don't think most parents would be looking for excessive amount, just what is reasonable.  No point in having kids who think their wages will go further than they actually will.


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## Janet

Harry31 said:


> It's good training for the future & makes kids realise the value of money & what their wages mean in real living terms.


*If* you have a good relationship with your kids that's what might happen.  If you don't, it might just lead to resentment etc., etc.  I honestly don't think I'm the only person from a dysfunctional family nor the only one who had a problem with the way this issue was handled at home.


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## Harry31

Janet :  being a parent is a hard job - so probably a hands up here - we could have handled it better!  Still, it all worked out fine in the end, as I said, when he moved away abroad he realised he had to handle his money & (touch wood) he's doing a good job now.  Money is nearly always a touchy subject no matter how well you get on with your kids.


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## FANTANA

I agree entirely with previous posts however I am concious that when my parents are much older and can not live alone any more I will not be charging them to live in my house. They looked after me when I was young and I will look after them when they are old. A sort of circle of life I guess.


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## ClaireM

There are too many variables for there to be a standard answer.

Do the parents want the adult child at home? Do they want to do the cooking and laundry for them? Is the adult child saving or spending their income? Can the parents afford to subsidise the adult child saving for a deposit and do they want to do this?


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## PolkaDot

Well IMO, if there is any young adult who is earning a reasonable amount of money and is unwilling to pitch in to the household exps without "resenting" their parents, then they need a good kick up the @rse or else send them off renting for a while, paying their own bills and doing their own cooking etc. That'll soon learn them.

P.S. I don't have kids but if/when I do that'll be my stance on it!


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## PolkaDot

FANTANA said:


> I agree entirely with previous posts however I am concious that when my parents are much older and can not live alone any more I will not be charging them to live in my house. They looked after me when I was young and I will look after them when they are old. A sort of circle of life I guess.



Yes but it is likely that if that were the case then your parents would probably not be fit or health enough to work.

I think it would be unreasonable for parents to start demanding a contribution from their adult child if their son/daughter was not healthy enough or fit to work!

The point is that if you are fit, well and earning a reasonable amount of money, you should contribute.


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## Janet

PolkaDot said:


> or else send them off renting for a while, paying their own bills and doing their own cooking etc. That'll soon learn them.!


Oh how I would have loved to be able to do that.  And as soon as it was possible, I did, choosing to study languages and telling my parents it was a college requirement that I spent summers in Germany.  I was thrilled when I got my first proper job (back in Ireland) that it was too far away to make living with my parents practical.



PolkaDot said:


> Well IMO, if there is any young adult who is earning a reasonable amount of money and is unwilling to pitch in to the household exps without "resenting" their parents, then they need a good kick up the @rse


Sorry, if there's supposed to be humour in your post, I don't see it. I'm just trying to point out that it is not always as simple as "make them hand over money, it'll build character".  That's exactly what my stepmother always used to say.  She was also fond of reminding us that that was the _only_ reason she took money from us because she actually had more than enough money already for everything and the money from us didn't actually mean anything.  'Cos it was just to build character, you know.  Given that I did my best to never ask for money, even for things that my parents would have paid for (monthly bus tickets, books for college and so on), I'm still not sure what telling me that the money I was handing over was meaningless and that it was all for my own good was supposed to achieve.  I remember as a kid seeing my older sisters, who had left school and were working full-time by then, putting their housekeeping money into a big piggybank that was in the kitchen for that purpose.  I don't remember that the money was ever used for anything but general housekeeping and I do remember my mum occasionally opening it up and being glad to have the money already there to use when she headed off to the supermarket.  So I saw the money being put to an actual use and was fully aware of the importance of everyone who was earning to contribute.  There was a definite difference between that and a few years later when us younger ones had to go cash in hand once a week and personally hand over money that we were consistently told had no meaning for the household and was to build character for us.  

I know my dysfunctional family background might not be the typical set-up (although it might not be as uncommon as many would like to think) but I am just trying to make the point that a black and white "kids hand over money, it's good for them" and "parents are always right" is not always the reality.  And  that putting  a bit of thought going into how and what for might not be a bad idea.


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## demoivre

€ 0.


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## Black Sheep

I've been at both ends of the scale having had an elderly parent and an adult child living with us (not together thankfully. That would have led to world war 3).
Both paid their way. When gran was with us she would pretend to forget, and I would find money in strange places, in little pockets in my handbag or even in a shoe of mine. There was no point in arguing with her (or even trying to give it back) so I would make little treats for, do her hair, nails, take her out to lunch etc. She often told me no money could buy the care she got from both me and OH.

We suggested to our son when he came home from abroad that as we did not know what would be an appropriate rent, that he should check the rents for one bed apartment or house share in the local area.  He was delighted to accept that rate but had all meals plus phone electricity etc. No washing or ironing. 

He since moved on to his own place.


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## newswoman

*adult children*

Hi all,
Apologies for resurrecting an old thread and butting in on your discussion! I'm a journalist and writing a feature for the Irish Independent about parents who have adult children living at home. I'd like to interview any parents about the issues raised in this thread, such as whether you charge rent or not, and about whether the living arrangements.
If you'd like to speak to me anonymously, that's fine too. My deadline is 7pm today (Jan. 28) and I can be reached on gabrielle.monaghan@gmail.com.
Many thanks.


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## grahamo

we have a 19 year old working full time.  feels incredibly entitled and is absolutely disgusted that we have asked the teenager to contribute the paltry amount of 30 euros per week. Its not that we need the money. I feel an adult child should contribute in some way and start taking some responsibility around the place. What's incredibly annoying is the adult child feels their doing me a favour by letting me live in my house and paying all their bills  for them. I think its time I asked the adult child to take the 30 euro they begrudgingly hands over to their ma (when they feel like it) and move into the penthouse apartment they feel they can get for that kind of money. I'm pretty sure our adult child will be back in a week or 2 begging for that room back


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## 44brendan

The whole issue can be a minefield grahamo. I have a friend with 3 adult children living at home. They are officially contributing nothing and he is not a high earner. eldest is in his 30's and fridge/drinks are open house when their friends call around. It appears to be a guilt issue with them (even though there is no evident saving for own house etc). 
was there not a recent TV program on this topic?


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