# Confirmation- how much to give?



## Clara

Neighbour`s child will be confirmed in a couple of weeks. Anyone any idea how much money I should put into the envelope? We`re pretty close neighbours so I should give a little bit more than the everage-but haven`t a clue what the `average` is!

Clara


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## carla

*how much*

I had the same situation - H's nephew and we were invited to a meal afterwards.  It was very hard to find out the 'average', some people don't agree with giving money at all, but in the end the going rate seems to be between 20 and 30 euro, depending on what part of the country you're in, relationship to child etc.


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## Maceface

*Are ya mental?*

20 to 30?
When I read the original mail I was thinking 10 if okay friends or 20 if excellent. Not a penny more.
Are ya mad or rich?


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## rainyday

*Re: how much*

Buck the trend - Buy a present that he will like/use instead of filthy lucre!


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## bubbles

*confirmation money*

I agree with 10 to 20, although this is what I would have given in the days of the Irish Pounds so value is less in euro. Converting into euro gives odd amounts, so unfortunately rounding up to the next "tidy" amount means you end up with a higher amount than the Irish pound equivalent (if you want to give IEP 10, = euro 12.70, most people would probably round up to 15 euro.?)

re: present: good idea if you know the child's taste. Otherwise, money can be useful as the child can buy something with the accumulated funds, perhaps a bike.

When I first came to Ireland, I must have got a reputation as the tightest fisted so and so in my neighbourhood. I had never heard of the practice of giving money for communions and confirmations, so neighbours' children would present themselves to the door in their finery, and I'd say things like "you look very nice" or "hope you had a nice day" and leave it at that!

What I find really sad is the exchange of info. among children concerning the amount of money they "made". If you have a large family, a child can end up with a substantial amount of money.  This seems to be used as a yardstick among children as to their popularity and  worth as a child, nephew, grand-child, and so on.

Are there any other countries in the world with such a practice?

Bubbles


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## joxerday

*No money*

Buy him rosary beads, a prayer book and some book tokens.

Money is for grown ups not 12 year olds.


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## carla

*not mad or rich*

20 to 30 is the going rate,  in my area anyway, especially when invited for a 4 course meal in the local hotel.  Like I said, it depends on the circumstances, but I think that a communion child would expect 10.

Re giving rosary beads or presents, well of course that is admirable but your average 12 year old will not appreciate it, unless the present is something they really want and guessing their tastes is very dodgy.

Unfortunately, whether you agree or not, getting the money is a part of their day.  So the choice is to impose your own ideals on the child or think about the child and how they will feel and how their friends will slag them if they don't get the dosh. While I personally can argue that I don't agree with children / pre-teens making money out of confirmation, most 12 year olds do not want to stand out from the crowd or be the odd one out.


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## rainyday

*Re: not mad or rich*



> unless the present is something they really want and guessing their tastes is very dodgy


Here's a mad suggestion - spend 5 minutes talking to the child to find out their taste in books/music/dvd's/video games/whatever.



> So the choice is to impose your own ideals on the child or think about the child and how they will feel


You need to be prepared to stand up & demonstrate your value system to all around you without fretting about what the child, or the child's friends or the child's family will think.



> and how their friends will slag them if they don't get the dosh.


You'll never win this battle. By this logic, you should give them more & more & more to ensure that their friends can't slag them. Which of course results in them slagging off their friends who got less, so their friends families should be giving more & more too. Break the cycle.


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## carla

*moralising*

It's easy to say stand up for your values but to me, the line about not fretting about what the child thinks is extremely inconsiderate to the child.  This is a once-of event, and most people who give confirmation gifts do not have any direct influence on the child's upbringing or morals.  Sometimes they may not know the child that well and neither they nor the child may feel comfortable having a conversion about the child's interests.  Besides confirmation age is verging on the sullen teenage years.

I'm speaking from the real world here, the giving of a monetary present is widely accepted practice.  Whether you agree or not is up to you, but being a child at the receiving end of a moralising adult who wishes to impose 'standards' and make you the odd-one-out is no joke (and believe me I know).

I really don't have time to reply aany further but to say that the original poster asked a simple question to which I gave an answer based on my experience.  
The morals or otherwise of giving money were not part of the question.


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## Clara

*Thanks for your help on this one!*

Thanks folks for you help with this one. Didn`t mean to start a debate about the whole matter . I used to favour the `give a present instead of money approach` but there are a lot of kids out there who still `have their communion money` and are smart enough to save their cash. Plus there are some who will even donate some of their Confirmation money to charity. So giving money can help the saving and charity ethos to develop. 


The other problem I have with buying a pressie is that I really find it nigh impossible to tune into kids tastes. And anyhow I think money may prove less harmful than say the latest Eminem CD! And they`re hardly going to want the `Sound of Music` DVD are they?

Anyway, popping money in a card is HANDY! And will definitely be appreciated. 

Thanks again for your opinions.

Clara


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## daltonr

*Re: Thanks for your help on this one!*

At least the money helps preserve the myth that the kids are looking forward to the confirmation for religious reasons.
Much like the way children look forward to Christmas to celebrate the birth of This post will be deleted if not edited immediately, or Easter to celebrate the resurection.  

Sorry, organised religion is one of my things.
Personally I'd buy this as a confirmation present.  Though it might not be very popular with the parents.   

Still the whole point of confirmation is that you are now old enough to make the decision for yourself that was made for you at baptism, so no harm in the decision being informed.  
Right????

-Rd


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## shnaek

*Re: Thanks for your help on this one!*

If you don't give them money they won't be able to go out drinking with all their mates, and then they might be isolated from the group. Will somebody please think of the children!


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## rainyday

*Re: Thanks for your help on this one!*



> most people who give confirmation gifts do not have any direct influence on the child's upbringing or morals.


Yes - they do. In choosing the gift, they have a small direct influence on the child's upbringing & morals.



> but being a child at the receiving end of a moralising adult who wishes to impose 'standards' and make you the odd-one-out is no joke (and believe me I know).



OK then, let's not expose children to anything dangerous like morality. Next thing you know, they'll be thinking for themselves and believing that it is OK to hold their own opinions on moral issues which may differ from the herd mentality. That's just the slippery slope/thin end of the wedge/<insert your own cliche here>.....


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## daltonr

*Re: Thanks for your help on this one!*

I'm with rainyday on this one.  The book I suggested above might not go down well with the parents and especially the grandparents, but either the kid is old enough to think for themselves or they're not.  And if they're not why the hell are they making their confirmation?

-Rd


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## Cahir

*Re: Thanks for your help on this one!*

When I was 12 I told my teacher, parents and headmaster that I didn't want to make my confirmation because I didn't believe in god and didn't consider myself a catholic because baptism was forced on me, it wasn't my choice (still have the same beliefs....or lack of..).

Anyway, after a lot of fighting, I was eventually told I'd have to make my confirmation whether I liked it or not and I finally agreed as long as everyone knew I was only doing it for the money - think I made a couple of hundred.

Now, I'd put €20 in a card for a child - they don't even have to wear the disgusting clothes anymore - my cousin (female) was in jeans for her confirmation a couple of weeks ago.


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## daltonr

*Re: Thanks for your help on this one!*

Of course if confirmation was actually supposed to be the "child" confirming for themselves the baptismal promises etc, then it'd happen when you're 18, but there'd be a lot less confirmed people walking around.

Anyway, I'll lay off the church for a while.
I've said my bit.

-Rd


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