# How to tell kids that we are getting rid of the dog.



## Hillsalt

I bought a puppy for my son last April but my circumstances have changed. My wife is going to take a job elsewhere for an indefinite amount of years, all going to plan.

We are going rent out out our family home which means that we have to sell/give away out treasured family pet. We have explored other avenues but  in the interest of the welfare of the dog, we are going to have to find her a new permanent home. 

So, how do I tell a 5 year old and 7 year old? 
I am totally prepared to lie to ease their pain. 

Thanks.


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## Jazz01

The "going to a farm" story has been used for many generations... where the dog can chase rabbits all day... protect the chickens from the foxes at night and jump about on the hay stacks...


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## ClubMan

Personally I think that honesty (couched in appropriate terms/language for a 5 & 7 year old) would be the best policy here. Maybe the new owners could commit to updating the kids on the dog's life?


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## KatieC

Please make sure that you rehome your dog though a dog rescue centre instead of going to a pound or advertising online, unless of course you can find a good home for it yourself.

That does not answer your initial question but may be a more important issue.


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## june

It's going to be very hard to find a home for your dog. Animal rescue centres and online sites are flooded with dogs free to a good home and have been for some time. Dogs are expensive and time consuming. Money is too tight.You should know that not everyone who takes a dog for free has its best interests at heart. You just wouldn't know who you are dealing with. Your animal welfare centre can advise you. That is why they will charge a fee for adoption and inspect the potential home.

If staying in Ireland, I would keep the dog. Kids are very attached to their pets. Mine are anyway. Especially if there are going to be other changes. Good luck.


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## Bronte

Jazz01 said:


> The "going to a farm" story has been used for many generations... where the dog can chase rabbits all day... protect the chickens from the foxes at night and jump about on the hay stacks...


 
I think this sounds wonderful, your kids are too young for the truth, especially as they were not reared on a farm and don't understand the way of animals.


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## becky

Jazz01 said:


> The "going to a farm" story has been used for many generations... where the dog can chase rabbits all day... protect the chickens from the foxes at night and jump about on the hay stacks...


 

It has but in those cases the dog wasn't actually sent to a farm. At least here s/he may be sent to a nice farm.


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## allie12

I think you need to be honest with kids, what type/size of dog is it? Is there a member of your extendedfamily who would like to take the dog. 

Get the kids involved in re-homing the dog, as this will instil a sense of responsibilty and give them a better understanding of what is going on. There are a huge amount of dogs being surrendered and abandoned as people's circumstances change- so check out website such as petsireland, and pets.ie as well as advertise and talk to your vet about re-homing.

You took on the responsibility of being a pet owner, and need to just make sure you are responsible when re-homing.


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## donee

Bronte said:


> I think this sounds wonderful, your kids are too young for the truth, especially as they were not reared on a farm and don't understand the way of animals.


 +1., I think anyone who tells you to 'be honest' to your children in this circumstance has never had to 'be honest' with cildren themselves or works for/in the 'Chill insurance add' and sits down to spare the father  the 'birds and bee's' chat about the rabbits.
I mean picture the scene,
Daddy; " sorry kids we're moving away for we dont know how long because mammy got a new job and by the way we're  giving 'Fido' away as there wont be any room for him in our new house"
Good luck with that one!
Surely the move in itself will traunatic on it's own.


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## allie12

The loss of any pet is traumatic, but if the family are going to be responsible about re-homing then the truth is better. The new owners may even want to keep them updates on "fido" and how he is doing. 

I don't agree with lying to children in any circumstance, but if they are moving to a country where they cannot take the dog, why not tell the children and then explain that they will need to find a nice new home for them?


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## Mongola

Your kids are still very young at 5 & 7 and while I would generally agree with being honest with your children, there are some things I believe are not in their best interest and this is one of them. 

Exemple: Let's say your kids ask you for an xbox because all their friends have one etc... Well, if you could not afford it, I think you would be able to explain this to them (ex: a) you are too young b)to be able to buy things you have to save money-help around the house & you will get pocket money etc... c) you are not in a position to do do... there are many ways to explain something like that to a child, while remaining truthful. 

However, here we are not talking about an object, we are talking about a dog who has been part of their life for a while now, a dog that they love and to whom I am sure they have grown attached. While I agree that kids should be aware of "the real world", there are some things that should not be visited on them as they are not equiped yet with the tools to fully understand. They often end up blaming themselves for something that had nothing to do with them in the first place! So, to me, the idea of the farm sounds...naively lovely! I also do agree with the previous posters on your responsibility in rehousing the dog. You should go through an organisation that is trusted and will have your dog's best interest at heart.


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## NorfBank

allie12 said:


> I don't agree with lying to children in any circumstance


 
Tell me how is Christmas without Santa?
No Easter Bunny hopping about with chocolate eggs?
The Tooth Fairy never visits?

+1 to Jazz's suggestion but be ready for the "can we visit the farm" question.


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## allie12

Christmas, Easter Bunny & Tooth Fairy are part & parcel of childhod. I don't think they are lies (yes contradicting myself), but having had animals all our life and lost some, and had the "farm" stories I don't agree.

I am a resposible animal owner now, and my neices & nephews have all grown up with the honesty that surrounds animal care & ownership. When the pet rabbit was killed the kids were told, when my sisters dogs started chasing sheep locally and had to be re-homed this was done in a family discussion way (ages 4, 6, 8 & 10) & the kids had the opportunity to ask questions, and process the information!

I suppose only a parent knows their own kids, and how they will process the information-but my hubby brought up a "farm story" very recently with his mother and even after 30 years she was heartbroken to have lied, especially as he knew all along!!


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## Sue Ellen

Some words of advice re rehoming.  I understand that some of the waiting lists to rehome healthy animals are very long as preference is given to the many sick and injured ones.


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## paddi22

is there absolutely no way you could keep the dog? 

I help with design and lend a hand at various rehoming and rescue centres and the amount of 'treasured pets' that end up there 'in their best interests' is staggering. And it is often heartbreaking to see how they end up. Some really sweet dogs come in and just can't adjust from being a loved family dog to going to strange kennels and they end up getting stresses, narky and are unable to be rehomed. A lot end up being put down anyway. 

I understand circumstances change, but it seems cruel and shortsighted to have gotten a cute puppy in april and now be taking it away from the kids and the only home it has known. I really hope you can find a nice person to take it, and i know that is what you would want for it. But the rescues are full of dogs who are being rescued from rotten conditions and its difficult for them to take all dogs in. 

If there is any way to keep the dog please try it, even if it involves getting dogwalkers, or having to walk the dog more often as you are in a smaller living space etc. Any decision you make to rehome the dog isn't for the 'welfare of the dog'. what's best for the welfare of the dog is to stay with the family who have loved him since he was tiny, thinking otherwise is just fooling yourself.  I know i sound harsh but from working at the shelters its heartbreaking seeing the other side of it.


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## Bronte

Poor old Hilsalt must be racked with guilt at this stage as if moving and uprooting wasn't bad enough.  

Our close neighbour's cat got killed a couple of months back and the kids were really really upset according to my close neighbour.  We also have a cat and are now keeping it indoors, on the couple of times it got out my child was distraught with worry (due to the other cat getting killed).  I've never seen a child so worried.


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## thombom

The truth is the best thing in this situation. The kids will know the dog is going to a good home (hopefully) and you won't have it on your mind that you lied to the kids. If you do advertise to have it rehomed make sure it is going to a loving home and make sure that the family have/had dogs so the dog isn't in the same situation of been rehomed down the line again.


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## Purple

NorfBank said:


> Tell me how is Christmas without Santa?
> No Easter Bunny hopping about with chocolate eggs?
> The Tooth Fairy never visits?


Yea, always tell the truth;
"Is Grandad in heaven mammy?" 
"No son, he's just rotting in the ground and when you die the same thing will happen to you. Sleep tight now..."


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## iscritto

Hillsalt - you and your wife are the only ones that know your children and how they will react to the news. If the "farm story" works then so be it. I had a pet dog for years, then  one day I woke up and he was gone.... no explanation.... I still miss him; I found out many years later that he died... I still wish someone told me. Best of luck.


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## joanmul

Purple said:


> Yea, always tell the truth;
> "Is Grandad in heaven mammy?"
> "No son, he's just rotting in the ground and when you die the same thing will happen to you. Sleep tight now..."



I totally agree and with Bronte too. You have done your level best to try to find a way to keep the dog and it just can't be helped. I think your kids are too young for 'brutal' honesty. Have any of the readers of this forum never, but never told a white lie to their kids in the interest of kindness due to age?


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## dublin27

Get them a playstation 3, say it was a present from the dog and he has to emegrate to Australia to get a job.  Once they have a few games they'll be grand.  On the other hand, how you handle this will be remembered by your child for the rest of their life.  Its a tough one.  Whatever you do, make sure the dog goes to a good home and tell your child you can visit at any time.


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## Ancutza

> Yea, always tell the truth;
> "Is Grandad in heaven mammy?"
> "No son, he's just rotting in the ground and when you die the same thing will happen to you. Sleep tight now..."


.

Hahaha.  ROFL! I'm sorry but I think in this instance the farm story is much more appropriate.  Speaking as a Daddy myself.

Sometimes small kids just can't handle the truth.


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## Hillsalt

OKAY!

We rehomed the dog. I found  a family who were delighted to take puppy off our hands. I downloaded a photo of a litter of puppies and showed it to my kids. I told them that this was Buster's brother and sisters who live on a farm in Clare and Buster wants to rejoin them. 

Buster is sending us 2 goldfish in return. 

I told a white lie. I had to. Thanks for everyone's thoughts.


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## Jazz01

Glad to hear all is ok now, good result in the end ... 

By the way, hope Buster sends two generic looking goldfish that are easy to replace...


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## geri

Speaking from experience, when we were children, our dog had to be "given away".  He was given to a nice farmer with loads of rabbits that he could chase all day.
Of course, many years later we know that this was not true, he in fact had to be put down. I remember crying when they were taking him away, but do remember telling everyone after that he was having great time playing with rabbits in his new home. No long term psychological damage done ..............!  My parents did the right thing and I think you did too.


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## paddi22

Fantastic that you got him rehomed. Brilliant story about the brothers and sisters!!


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