# Average price of a wedding inc reception etc?



## blinkbelle

Ive recently got engaged and am just about to start planning the wedding.  Ive absolutely no idea on where to start or how much money we will need.  I have about €20,000 in savings and im wondering will that be enough or would it be less than that?

Bascially a small churh wedding with about 50 guests.  Reception at a nice hotel band the usual stuff, honeymoon etc.

Anyone have any ideas? know any good websites i could look up on the net?

Im totally stuffed never organised anything in my whole life!


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## Marie M

www.weddingsonline.ie is the man, go to forums,  you'll be soon feel the pressure, only kidding, that site is an addiction, and any question is answered promptly.


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## extopia

I'd say spend no more than one third of your life savings on your wedding reception as a rule of thumb.


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## gearoidmm

Even with a small wedding like that, you'll be lucky to get away with 20,000 - more like 25-30,000 including honeymoon (and that's while trying to rein in the spending, nothing too fancy).


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## ulcercentral

It all depends on where in the country you're planning on having the wedding.

I got married last April in West Limerick. In total, including our honeymoon (2 weeks in top notch villa - part of hotel - in Sorrento) it cost €20,000. Now we decided early on that we wanted good food but obviously at the right price, so we researched the hotels in the area based on this. We didn't bother with favours, chair covers, OTT flowers, cars, etc. My Mom and I made the 2 tier cake and got a local woman to ice it. I kept the flowers simple, but the hotel were doing the table decor so I didn't bother with flowers for there. I got my dress near home and saved over 50% of the cost compared to Dublin/other city prices. We used family cars (right colour obviously  )! I made the invites, service booklets, table plans, and thank you cards - lots of work but satisfying and we got exactly what we wanted for a fraction of the cost (in total the materials cost €250 tops - with plenty of contingency). We found a band who also did the DJ. A family contact is a photographer and did ours for a reduced fee, videos were done by family members, turned out lovely, very personal. I bet most people will have contact with someone who can do something in relation to the wedding!

The wedding was in no way skimped on, people are still talking about it - and most importantly we enjoyed it.

Sit down with your fiance and decide what you two want for your wedding day. Decide what aspects you want to spend a little extra on and that will dictate where you will have to save on. 

www.weddingsonline.ie and [broken link removed] are both very helpful with tips, recommendations, and general advice. There's lots of creativity out there and you'll be surprised how much you have within you at the end of the planning!

Enjoy it all, it's worth every minute, but don't lose sight of the marriage.


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## Carebear

I am recently engaged myself and have the church, hotel, photographer and music already booked for my weddng in 2008. Decide on a date and speak to your priest and hotel first then sort out the rest. The hotel is approx 37.00 euro per head for 4 course meal with choice of main course and appetizer. At first we thought that having wine at meal was a real rip off but then thought the other option of buying a drink for everyone at the reception was a real rip off i.e some smart a*se ordering a double etc and we left with a hefty bill the next morning. The hotel are charging us 8.00 corkage and we are going to buy the wine ourselves - look for special offers and start stocking up now!! We are going to make our own invitations - nothing too fancy becasue we all know that they are thrown into the bin! My fiance has a big family of cousins where as I have only a handful but we decided from the start we are only inviting people who actually mean something to us to the full day, as this is our day and we both want the special people in our lives there to share the day with us instead of people we never see. At present we have approx 150 to day and the same to evening reception. We have a good local band approx 1000.00 and local dj for approx 300.00. Im going to buy my dress in the sale and buy 3 bridesmaid dresses that my bridesmaids can actually wear again ie. knee lenght dresses, instead of long dresses left hanging in a wardrobe. Check out www.simplyweddings.com or do a google search on weddings in your area i.e weddings in Meath (or whatever county you live in)


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## Baloney

There is no average, it's entirely up to you to spend whatever you are comfortable with! If you really only have 50 guests then this is already good news as the reception is usually the biggest hit which can vary from 35 to 70, 80 and upwards euros per head for meal and wine. 
Also the band could be between 1000 to 3000 depending on what you want.
The honeymoon is just a holiday. It doesn't HAVE to be a super delux exotic fantasy trip, unless that is what you are into. It will cost as little or as much as you want. 

anyway like the others say www.weddingsonline.ie has everything you could need with regard to saving money tips and recommendations etc. 

At the end of the day, it is your hard earned money and you should spend it or not spend it as you see fit!

congratulations and good luck!


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## sheena1

My friend recently got married and someone told her about a way to save on menu costs. A lot of hotels charge for having an extra choice on the menu or charge for the most expensive dish if there is a choice regardless of the actual guests selection. She got around this by ecnlosing a little card with the invitations as follows:


Mary


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## sheena1

Oops sorry...hadn't finished there! 

Mary just ticks the chicken or beef box beside her name and returns it with the RSVP card.

I was a bit skeptical but on the day it worked out very well. Most people will know in advance of the wedding anyway what dish they will choose. The kitchen knew what everyone was having and referred to a seating plan so when the meal arrived it was all co-ordinated and the waitresses weren't wandering around wondering who was having what!! She saved €800...


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## Ron Burgundy

gor engaged in dec and we are in the process of putting the wedding together, we have the church, hotel, band, dj ( I work as a wedding dj so its free ), i got my car for free, church singer for free.

We got some bad news yesterday when we heard our photographer had dies suddenly ( RIP ).

We're off to New York in Feb and she'll get her dress over there and we'll get the rings there too and save a bunch.

The suits we'll get at a wedding fair ( where you'll get great discouts on stationary, photographers, etc ) 

The Point is prob the best of the lot and i've been to many through work.

All in all we are looking at about 25K before the honeymoon. Ok its a lot but i'm looking forward to it and it will bew a great family day.


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## JohnnieKippe

You can have a great wedding for around 15K. I did that for 100 people 4 years ago, Top hotel,no scrimping etc. I don't understand where people get figures of 30K.


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## blinkbelle

hi there.

Thanks to everybody for there messages.  Seems like i have alot to think about half the stuff people mentioned i have not even thought about.  I could not imagine speading all my savings on a wedding.  Think i'm gonna have to do alot of shopping about.

Some very good ideas there and that weddings online site is brill.
Thanks again.

Oh and one other thing is it the bride's mum that is supposed to sent the invites or whats the story there?


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## Ron Burgundy

JohnnieKippe said:


> You can have a great wedding for around 15K. I did that for 100 people 4 years ago, Top hotel,no scrimping etc. I don't understand where people get figures of 30K.


 
4 years is a long time in this industry, if you take a 5 to 10 percent increase in costs per year.....that adds 40% and we are having almost 200 at our wedding so automatic increase.

but there are ways to save.

do the mass booklet yourelf

go to wedding fairs and get specials

from my area, a band is about 2k and DJ for full night 625.

less bridesmaid and groomsmen

use only one car

no favours

no wine on the table

get photos only and get your own album

lots of ways if you want to use them.


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## car

Rons bang on, its only when you've been at a lot of weddings that you see what works, what doesnt and where money has been wasted.  See this other thread in LOS


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## rkeane

How about trying to get the wedding to pay for itself.  Perhaps hold it on a day that doesnt conflict with any major event.  Let people know well in advance that they are invited.  Arrange something that they will not want to miss, maybe a popular band at an outdoor/indoor reception.  Specify only cash as wedding gifts.  Dont allow kids as they dont bring money with them.  Arrange a deal with the hotel to charge and extra 50c on each drink split 50/50.  Keep wedding tables bare with maybe only a dinner menu on it.  Have a raffle with a good prize such as a holiday. You may  need to invite a few hundred for it to pay off and it maybe alot of work but you could even make money out of this.

Oh I hate myself for suggeting all of that.  There is no way my wedding will be like it.


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## Ron Burgundy

car said:


> Rons bang on, its only when you've been at a lot of weddings that you see what works, what doesnt and where money has been wasted. See this other thread in LOS


 
550 and counting


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## Ron Burgundy

rkeane said:


> Specify only cash as wedding gifts . Dont allow kids as they dont bring money with them. .


 
1. That is guranteed to land you with 50 toasters, its been discussed before and there is no way to do that. you can try by telling family to suggest cash if people ask but you end up looking really bad and mean if you ask directly for money.

2. a lot of guests give no present, you would be amazed at the amount of couples i talk to afterwards that say we can no present at all from a lot of people.

3. kids are cheaper to feed than adults.....10 for nuggets and chips V 50 for a full meal

4.i have my wedding in jan cause i want people to compain about the weather and i can go what to you expect its Jan.

but also because there is nothing else on and i want everyoen i invite to go.

5. and a raffle doesn't work, i've seen it in operation and unless you give the money to charity you look even more mean by the second.


these are just my experiences from being involved in a lot of weddings and hearing the good and the bad.


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## rkeane

Ron Burgundy said:


> 1. That is guranteed to land you with 50 toasters, its been discussed before and there is no way to do that. you can try by telling family to suggest cash if people ask but you end up looking really bad and mean if you ask directly for money.
> 
> 2. a lot of guests give no present, you would be amazed at the amount of couples i talk to afterwards that say we can no present at all from a lot of people.
> 
> 3. kids are cheaper to feed than adults.....10 for nuggets and chips V 50 for a full meal
> 
> 4.i have my wedding in jan cause i want people to compain about the weather and i can go what to you expect its Jan.
> 
> but also because there is nothing else on and i want everyoen i invite to go.
> 
> 5. and a raffle doesn't work, i've seen it in operation and unless you give the money to charity you look even more mean by the second.
> 
> 
> these are just my experiences from being involved in a lot of weddings and hearing the good and the bad.


Pretend its for charity.  Advertise your wedding as a joint event to accomodate a fund raiser for an overseas charity.  You'd need to cover yourself but I'm sure you could do it.  Also, setup the raffle so that you win the holiday.  Honeymoon sorted.


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## Ron Burgundy

rkeane said:


> Pretend its for charity. Advertise your wedding as a joint event to accomodate a fund raiser for an overseas charity. You'd need to cover yourself but I'm sure you could do it. Also, setup the raffle so that you win the holiday. Honeymoon sorted.


 
you really need to stop stalking eddie hobbs


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## Taximan

I got married seven years ago, and still rue the amount of money we squandered on our wedding, inviting guests we hardly new (parents friends they do bring decent presents though) stupid photos baa humbug. But we had a great day, nevertheless it is still only a day so should be kept in perspective. 

Thats my rant but the biggest mistake we made was the honneymoon. For the last three months before your wed you are very busy and quite stressed at times, then you have a massive day where you are the centre of attention of 150 people, two days later you are sitting in some dodgy honeymoon hotel with just each other it is a massive anti climax. We went to Lake Garda full of honey mooners all with the same bored  faces. Especially since most couples nowadays live togeather first the honeymoon is a bit of an irrelevence IMO. 

My advise is to take a long Weekend in some European city after wedding to relax, then come home and enjoy the fun with your friends  Then go on some serious trip i.e month in AUS maybe the following summer. When all the wedding stress has long gone. 

One other thought I could not give a monkeys about my friends getting married I am really happy for them if they do but have no real interest in going to their weddings. I know its important for my family to be there so would you not take your families to a small church service and then a really nice meal in a flash restaurant that night. Then blow the 20K on a on a decent party for your mates (no dodgy bands )and a great time for the two of you instead of providing over cooked lamb cutlets to people you wont recognise in the street in 10 years.  

Just a thought.


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## rkeane

Taximan said:


> I got married seven years ago, and still rue the amount of money we squandered on our wedding, inviting guests we hardly new (parents friends they do bring decent presents though) stupid photos baa humbug. But we had a great day, nevertheless it is still only a day so should be kept in perspective.
> 
> Thats my rant but the biggest mistake we made was the honneymoon. For the last three months before your wed you are very busy and quite stressed at times, then you have a massive day where you are the centre of attention of 150 people, two days later you are sitting in some dodgy honeymoon hotel with just each other it is a massive anti climax. We went to Lake Garda full of honey mooners all with the same bored  faces. Especially since most couples nowadays live togeather first the honeymoon is a bit of an irrelevence IMO.
> 
> My advise is to take a long Weekend in some European city after wedding to relax, then come home and enjoy the fun with your friends  Then go on some serious trip i.e month in AUS maybe the following summer. When all the wedding stress has long gone.
> 
> One other thought I could not give a monkeys about my friends getting married I am really happy for them if they do but have no real interest in going to their weddings. I know its important for my family to be there so would you not take your families to a small church service and then a really nice meal in a flash restaurant that night. Then blow the 20K on a on a decent party for your mates (no dodgy bands )and a great time for the two of you instead of providing over cooked lamb cutlets to people you wont recognise in the street in 10 years.
> 
> Just a thought.


I would agree with this.  I especially like the honeymoon idea.  But spending so much money on a day out would really boil my blood if it put me in debt for a number of years.  I used to be careless with money in the past and getting into debt for silly little things that led to bigger money problems.  There is no way I want that to happen again just because my girlfriend wants a big day.


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## Ron Burgundy

rkeane said:


> I would agree with this. I especially like the honeymoon idea. But spending so much money on a day out would really boil my blood if it put me in debt for a number of years. I used to be careless with money in the past and getting into debt for silly little things that led to bigger money problems. There is no way I want that to happen again just because my girlfriend wants a big day.


 
luckly we won't be in debt, i've pay for it out of my salary next year. but i do see people getting into a lot of debt and that i can't understand.

on the honeymoon, well we'll go for a week relax and a week doing stuff. off to cancun and the states so there will be lots to keep me interested.


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## sheena1

Ron Burgundy said:


> luckly we won't be in debt, i've pay for it out of my salary next year. but i do see people getting into a lot of debt and that i can't understand.
> 
> on the honeymoon, well we'll go for a week relax and a week doing stuff. off to cancun and the states so there will be lots to keep me interested.


 

Wedding advice - Don't let your wife to be see this!!


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## Audrey

I agree with all the posters who say it's a waste to over-do the spending.  I can't understand (and perhaps someone can explain to me) why aunts & uncles that one only sees at funerals HAVE to be invited!  Even, in some cases, cousins are invited who hardly know the bride & groom.  Is it because the B&G want to make an impression, or don't want to let themselves down or something?  If you really only invite those who mean a huge amount to you, then those people (to whom you will probably mean a huge amount too) should feel particularly pleased to be there.  You don't spend a huge amount, and those who are there REALLY want to be there, and you really want them there.  Why a couple would spend 20k, 30k, etc on a "party" (that's basically what it is) for one day is difficult for me to understand.  I can't get my head around it.  There are so many things you could both enjoy for 20k/30k, but a party with a hundred or so people you'll never see again isn't one of them, IMO.


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## Ron Burgundy

sheena1 said:


> Wedding advice - Don't let your wife to be see this!!


 
is it the bit about keeping me interested, i get bored easily, she knows that so its ok.


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## rkeane

Well, if I was getting married and didnt invite several people, it would be the talk of the extended family.  Then, whebn their wedding comes around, you and probably your borthers and sisters dont get invited to it.  Its all whispered about and people generally hate that.  But if you can just accept that you are not going to get an invitation to every last one of your cousins weddings, then invite who you like to yours.  But it is a very real issue even if it is a petty one.


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## Audrey

rkeane said:


> Well, if I was getting married and didnt invite several people, it would be the talk of the extended family. Then, whebn their wedding comes around, you and probably your borthers and sisters dont get invited to it. Its all whispered about and people generally hate that. But if you can just accept that you are not going to get an invitation to every last one of your cousins weddings, then invite who you like to yours. But it is a very real issue even if it is a petty one.


Clearly it really is a huge issue for some people.  If the extended family are going to talk about you because you didn't invite "X" then the extended family need to get a life.  Then, when their weddings come around and you're not invited, why would that bother you?  This is exactly my point!  The whole invite thing is only being done (in the scenario of your example) to save face or to make sure people don't talk or to repay someone who invited you to theirs!!  But that's not being honest, and it's not really being fair to yourself or to the people you invite.  I don't understand why mature adults (and presumably that's what we are when we prepare to get married!) are afraid to not invite someone to their wedding!!  I'm sorry but really I can't swallow that.  If someone doesn't invite me somewhere, then I completely take their point.  They don't particularly want or need me there, and they don't want to pretend otherwise, and that's fine.


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## rkeane

Audrey said:


> Clearly it really is a huge issue for some people.  If the extended family are going to talk about you because you didn't invite "X" then the extended family need to get a life.  Then, when their weddings come around and you're not invited, why would that bother you?  This is exactly my point!  The whole invite thing is only being done (in the scenario of your example) to save face or to make sure people don't talk or to repay someone who invited you to theirs!!  But that's not being honest, and it's not really being fair to yourself or to the people you invite.  I don't understand why mature adults (and presumably that's what we are when we prepare to get married!) are afraid to not invite someone to their wedding!!  I'm sorry but really I can't swallow that.  If someone doesn't invite me somewhere, then I completely take their point.  They don't particularly want or need me there, and they don't want to pretend otherwise, and that's fine.


Yes but thats the way people are.  Also, if you invite someone that you are quite close to, you'll have to invite their wife/husband.  Invite them then you might feel you have to invite their kids if you're already inviting his/hers brothers kids.  Its really all about how they are connected.  My sister invited all those she felt close to at work.  One girl who she works with is my other sisters mother in law but does not really get on with her so much.  She didnt invite her and was most definitely told that the no invitation was not appreciated.


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## liteweight

rkeane said:


> One girl who she works with is my other sisters mother in law but does not really get on with her so much.  She didnt invite her and was most definitely told that the no invitation was not appreciated.



Well I understand that. It put the 'mother in law' in question in an awkward position i.e. others invited and although she was 'almost' family, she was not.


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## michaelm

€20K budget seem like a lot of money to me for one day; We hadn't a bean at the time, it cost £2k punts including maybe 4 rooms in the hotel and the price of the honeymoon, albeit 7 years ago.  We had a simple church wedding followed by a meal in the restaurant of a local hotel, which was very nice, before retiring to the bar for plenty of Guinness and song.  Our honeymoon was a week skiing, which was great.  

 Only immediate family and a few close friends attended (36); the priest was a friend of mine; there was no video or photographer to get in the way or annoy guests (we got copies of the best photos that guests took); no band or DJ just ballads and banter; my wife did the Mass books, no invites as we spoke to those involved 2 weeks before; the rings didn't cost a fortune nor did we go to Antwerp; my wife's brother drove her to the church in his perfectly good car; my wife's mother made the dresses for the bride and bridesmaid; myself and the Best Man wore normal suits; don't think there was much spent on flowers but the church happened to be bedecked in flowers from a wedding the previous day.  We had a great day and it was stress free . . and if we had it do do over again we'd do the same.


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## car

well said MichaelM, the way to do it alright.  The one change Id make is to have a DJ for afters, everyone repeat...you cant spend too much on the DJ.


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## Ron Burgundy

car said:


> . The one change Id make is to have a DJ for afters, everyone repeat...you cant spend too much on the DJ.


 
keep saying it, i have an expensive wedding to pay for


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## Joe1234

rkeane said:


> Specify only cash as wedding gifts




Watch the 1st episode of "30 things to do with your SSIA"


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## ragazza

There is so much politics surrounding wedding invites!

If I ever get married, I want it to be small and intimate with about 50 people. 
Luckily my sister had a big blow-out wedding and invited all our aunts and uncles, so I feel I can get away with not inviting any of them without upsetting anyone. Also luckily I have not been invited to any cousins weddings (older brothers and sisters were invited), so I wont feel I'll have to return any invites.
My rule will be : if their numbers are not in my mobile phone (i.e. people with whom I'm in close contact) then they wont be getting an invite.
Hopefully that would keep the cost down too (mind you I'll have a huge budget for the honeymoon!).


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## rkeane

I like that policy but my phone keeps wiping itself  



ragazza said:


> There is so much politics surrounding wedding invites!
> 
> If I ever get married, I want it to be small and intimate with about 50 people.
> Luckily my sister had a big blow-out wedding and invited all our aunts and uncles, so I feel I can get away with not inviting any of them without upsetting anyone. Also luckily I have not been invited to any cousins weddings (older brothers and sisters were invited), so I wont feel I'll have to return any invites.
> My rule will be : if their numbers are not in my mobile phone (i.e. people with whom I'm in close contact) then they wont be getting an invite.
> Hopefully that would keep the cost down too (mind you I'll have a huge budget for the honeymoon!).


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## blinkbelle

Im the talk of my extended familly no mater what i do I cant win  

When is that programme on joe1234? or were u just havin a laugh? would like to see it not that i have an ssia although it looks as though i could do with it on top of the 20k 

thanks


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## BigM

ragazza said:


> My rule will be : if their numbers are not in my mobile phone (i.e. people with whom I'm in close contact) then they wont be getting an invite.


 
Totally agree with ragazza. 
I got married 3 yrs ago and we only invited immediate family (i.e. NO cousins!!) and close friends. 
No work colleagues (afters invitations only for them) 
No-one I hadn't been out for a drink with within the last year. 
Allowed the parents to invite 1 table each of old/family friends
Kept the numbers down to 100 (both of us have large families!) and nearly everyone who was there we had known for at least 10yrs (since college) so it really felt personal.
I've been at several weddings since then (150+ people) where people were kind of wondering why they had been invited.
Keep the numbers down, set a strict limit on the wine available, ask for discounts for everything - flowers, suits, car etc. 
Don't ever put 'Cash only' on the invites - very bad form, but you can tell your parents to let anyone who asks that cash would be welcome.
Most NB thing - on the day itself, step back and take it all in, it's supposed to be fun so make sure you enjoy yourselves!!

Good Luck!


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## parkviewbuye

Carebear said:


> I am recently engaged myself and have the church, hotel, photographer and music already booked for my weddng in 2008. Decide on a date and speak to your priest and hotel first then sort out the rest. The hotel is approx 37.00 euro per head for 4 course meal with choice of main course and appetizer. At first we thought that having wine at meal was a real rip off but then thought the other option of buying a drink for everyone at the reception was a real rip off i.e some smart a*se ordering a double etc and we left with a hefty bill the next morning. The hotel are charging us 8.00 corkage and we are going to buy the wine ourselves - look for special offers and start stocking up now!! We are going to make our own invitations - nothing too fancy becasue we all know that they are thrown into the bin! My fiance has a big family of cousins where as I have only a handful but we decided from the start we are only inviting people who actually mean something to us to the full day, as this is our day and we both want the special people in our lives there to share the day with us instead of people we never see. At present we have approx 150 to day and the same to evening reception. We have a good local band approx 1000.00 and local dj for approx 300.00. Im going to buy my dress in the sale and buy 3 bridesmaid dresses that my bridesmaids can actually wear again ie. knee lenght dresses, instead of long dresses left hanging in a wardrobe. Check out www.simplyweddings.com or do a google search on weddings in your area i.e weddings in Meath (or whatever county you live in)


 
Dear god - €37 per head? Where are you having your reception? We thought we were doing well with €69 per head with a 5 course meal - 2 option main course + vegetarian option !!


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## Cati76

Just got engaged recently, and oh my god do I regret mentioning it to my father! As i don't live in my home country, we have decided to get married there, that way his family will have to travel, and we'll try to make a holiday out of it for them. His family are delighted with the idea of a small wedding, only direct family (ie, parents, brothers and sisters with partners), and small group of really close friends, but my dad in particular, doesn't understand that I don't want to invite all my uncles and aunts, cousins, whom I hardly seem, or his friends. One of my cousins is getting married a few weeks before me, and I am not going to the wedding, I know for sure we'll get an invitation, because they want a big do, but I know for fact that I won't go, and that they will talk about me not going. They don't even know I am getting married, it's not of their business. 
Weddings are supposed to be a day to remember, because you are starting a new life with the one you love, it shouldn't be about who you invite, who you don't, and how much you spend on the food and drink!!

I know it's going to be difficult to make my father understand it, but I am paying for it, and we'll do it our way. Otherwise, I'll go to Vegas, won't tell anyone, and will come back married!!!

Best of luck to all of you trying to organise a wedding, we'll need it.

BTW: i am looking at 100+ per head, but drinks will be included in this, so i think I am not doing to bad. Haven't book anything yet, have plenty of time.


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## Cahir

Very recently got engaged and have to start planning things now.

I can't believe that people would spend so much on one day!  I haven't been to many weddings but I usually don't like them very much (big Irish ones anyway) so the plan is to marry abroad with immediate family and a couple of very close friends and then have a party at home.

I wouldn't even mind having no party at home but I have a huge family and if there's no party at home they'll all insist on going abroad for the ceremony, which is something I really don't want.

I dislike wedding bands so think we'll just get a dj.  I don't like formal sit-down wedding meals and as it's going to be an evening party, I think a buffet style thing will be fine.  Basically I want to leave out all the bits of a wedding that I don't like and concentrate on enjoying myself.  I'm certainly not going to spend a fortune.  

The last wedding I was invited to was a huge big affair with a few hundred people and a little church (miles away from the venue - why do people do this?).  I didn't go because I don't really know the couple all that well (think I was just invited for the present) and it wasn't worth spending a fortune on accomodation, gift, clothes etc.


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## Guest127

some things have changed a lot since Cu got married. (29 years ago) others obviously haven't. in those days you were invited to the wedding and reception, there was no 'afters'. We had a small wedding (under 40 ) and there was a lot of 'talk' over who we weren't inviting. (cousins, aunts, uncles etc ) we invited both families, close work friends,and one or very two close family relations who we were seeing on a regular basis. cousin did the photoghraphs and we had a band. people would probably find it hard to believe but in those days the bride and groom left the wedding and not the other way round!!! anyway we were flying out the next morning and did a runner to the skylon, which we both still fondly remember when we pass it on the way home from Dublin the one thing that really puzzles me now is why I getting invited to the sons/daughters of '_work colleagues'_ weddings. totally beaten docket on this one and I have been invited to at least 4 in this catagory in the past 5 years. just bought a present and made an excuse ( maybe that was the mistake  ) on all occasions. for what its worth one of my work colleagues and one of Mrs Cu's work colleagues hit it off at our wedding ( they did know each other previously) and we got invited to their wedding two years later .


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## Megan

I have just got invited to my niece's Hen Night which will mean a night away in a hotel at my expence. Its abit like inviting guests to your house but telling them to bring their own food. Her sister is organising it and she has invited all her aunts (12 in total) as well as the bride's friends. I thought it was bad enough  been invited to the wedding but the Hen Night as well. I wouldnt mind if it was just a night but it will take up 2 days of the up coming bank holiday w/e. I know I don't have to go.


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## annR

Has a good extended family party gone totally out of fashion?  Everyone here seems quite negative about it.    Surely one of the great things about weddings and christenings etc is that you see people you wouldn't regularly see . . . .just cos they live in the UK or somewhere doesn't mean you don't still view them as family.  I can just imagine my Mum's face if I said I wasn't inviting her sisters because I don't see them regularly!  

>> Weddings are supposed to be a day to remember, because you are starting a new life with the one you love, it shouldn't be about who you invite, who you don't, and how much you spend on the food and drink!! <<

I don't mean you personally and please don't take offence, but is that not a contradiction?  If it's supposed to be a day to remember,that's connected to who you invite, because only the people you invite will witness and remember the day.  When you leave them out of it because of cost, you are making it about how much you save on food and drink. .  I just think that people seem really negative about inviting their aunties and uncles.  How you would get away with it is beyond me.


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## annR

Megan said:


> I have just got invited to my niece's Hen Night which will mean a night away in a hotel at my expence. Its abit like inviting guests to your house but telling them to bring their own food. Her sister is organising it and she has invited all her aunts (12 in total) as well as the bride's friends. I thought it was bad enough been invited to the wedding but the Hen Night as well. I wouldnt mind if it was just a night but it will take up 2 days of the up coming bank holiday w/e. I know I don't have to go.


 
I fully agree with the expense involved in hen nights . . ..it can really add up to be a lot of money.


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## Cahir

annR said:


> Has a good extended family party gone totally out of fashion?  Everyone here seems quite negative about it.    Surely one of the great things about weddings and christenings etc is that you see people you wouldn't regularly see . . . .just cos they live in the UK or somewhere doesn't mean you don't still view them as family.  I can just imagine my Mum's face if I said I wasn't inviting her sisters because I don't see them regularly!



Well I've just informed my mother that I don't want one of her brothers at the party at home because I can't stand him - she's not happy and now I feel bad  

As for hen parties, they're gone ridiculous these days.  I would never expect my friends to pay for a night away somewhere.


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## liteweight

Cahir said:


> Well I've just informed my mother that I don't want one of her brothers at the party at home because I can't stand him - she's not happy and now I feel bad



So you should, you've just put her in a terrible position! It has to be come one, come all when it comes to brothers and sisters!!


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## Cahir

liteweight said:


> So you should, you've just put her in a terrible position! It has to be come one, come all when it comes to brothers and sisters!!



I'm happy enough for all her other brothers and sisters to come along even if some of them aren't my favourite people in the world, but this particular man grabbed my boob when I was 16 and I can't stand him ever since (he knows how I feel too!).  

Ah the stress has already started and we haven't even picked a date!


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## liteweight

Does you mother know he did this? If one of my brother's did that to my daughter, I'd castrate him!!!! Don't invite him...feck him.


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## Cahir

She knows but she said he apologised.  I said he never apologised to me and if he did I probably wouldn't accept it.  He's a pig and I don't want him anywhere near the party!  I reckon my Dad will agree with me because he can't stand him either.


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## annR

Why not tell her that you'll invite him if he apologies to you personally.


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## Cahir

Even if he apologised I don't want him there!  Knowing him he'd turn up and try to grab the other boob!


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