# Separation: At first she was complicit but now she wont engage with my solr.



## stratowide (16 Dec 2010)

My wife and I have been separated for four and a half years now.

I started legal proceedings two years ago with a view to a legal separation.

At first she was complicit in the process but two months in she stopped all contact with my solicitor.

During the intervening period my solicitor has sent numerous letters to her, but no replies.

She resides in our house with my three children, two of whom are over 18 and the third is 14.

Will I have to go down the judicial separation route.

Can I buy her out of her half of our house?

I have been paying maintenance all along.

I need to get this sorted quickly as I am in another relationship and would like to get married again in future.

Any ideas..Thanks


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## Vanilla (16 Dec 2010)

The simple answer to this is that, if you cannot reach agreement, yes you must go to court, though probably for divorce at this stage?

Have you tried mediation?

I'm not sure why you believe your wife is only entitled to half the house though, that is by no means certain.


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## stratowide (16 Dec 2010)

Don't know about mediation..She will not engage in any corrospondence with me or my solicitor.Basically she does not want to get separated/divorced.
I asked her face to face a while back is she getting on with the process and was fobbed off saying she has heard nothing from her solicitor.
So you are saying I can just apply for a divorce, bypassing separation agreement..?


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## Thirsty (21 Dec 2010)

The interesting thing about the various acts which comprise family law in this country is that whilst a JS can be challenged by the other party, you are entitled by right to a divorce once you have been separated for at least 4 out of the last 5 years.  

It would make far more sense to apply for divorce and you have to in any event if you want to re-marry.

If you cannot agree settlement terms then you have no choice but to allow a judge to make those decisions for you.

Don't plan on anything happening quickly.


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## onq (28 Dec 2010)

Although you have decided to end the marriage it doesn't mean your spouse or the courts will see it your way.
Long story short, there is no reason to expect your spouse to be reasonable [complicit?] about this.

I think you have been wise to pay maintenance, but you may be naive to think a court will decide you own half the house in the circumstances.
I think you could find that the house may well be handed over to your spouse as the homemaker who continues to care for your three children and you will have to continue to pay her maintenance on top of that.

If she has also given up work and/or a career to be a homemaker you may well be required to pay maintenance until she retires.

If I might respectfully suggest; -

You seem poorly advised as to the likely outcome of all of this .
You need to stop listening to your current partner and/or any barstool lawyers you may have been advised by.
You should immediately get a barristers experienced in this kind of law to advise you as to your current position and how best to prepare for the case ahead.

Hope this helps.

ONQ.


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## Thirsty (29 Dec 2010)

> Although you have decided to end the marriage it doesn't mean  your spouse or the courts will see it your way


That's the point  being made with regards to a Divorce.  Once you have been separated for  at least 4 of the last 5 years you are entitled to a divorce; the fact  of the divorce cannot be contested and the marriage will be dissolved.


> the  house may well be handed over to your spouse


I would disagree,  however any discussion on this would be pure speculation.

Settlement  issues are another story, it makes far more sense for a couple to agree  on settlement between them, using Solicitors is guaranteed to increase  the costs.  

But if the couple cannot do so the only option is to  let a judge make the decisions; there's no guarantee anyone will be  happy with the outcome.

OP hasn't said if he has been paying  child or spousal maintenance.  Unless the two older children are still  in full-time education maintenance for them can cease.

OP you may  know this already, but if you are paying spousal maintenance (and you  have a court order to that effect) you can claim tax relief in respect  of the spousal maintenance.  Tax relief is not available for child  maintenance.  I trust you also are aware that you can claim an  additional tax credit as a lone parent.


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## onq (4 Jan 2011)

Thirsty said:


> That's the point  being made with regards to a Divorce.  Once you have been separated for  at least 4 of the last 5 years you are entitled to a divorce; the fact  of the divorce cannot be contested and the marriage will be dissolved.



Thanks for that information Thirsty - I didn't know the facts of the matter.

I thought you could seek a divorce after a certain period living apart, I wasn't aware it had become an entitlement.

In relation to the not seeing it his way I was referring to the spouse being unwilling to part and the fact that a court doesn't always see it the same way as the participants.

ONQ.


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