# Seem to be in a downward spiral.....



## ailbhe

Age: 27
Spouse’s/Partner's age: n/a

Monthly net income from employment or profession: 1950
FIS of €38 per week (165 per month)
Child benefit of €150 per month

Total monthly income 2265

Type of employment: employee in private co

In general I am struggling to balance the books

Outgoings per month

Rent 600
Personal loans of 20k @ 405 per month
ESB - 60 per month (slightly in arrears of about €100)

Insurance €84 per month until September then no cost until December
Creche fees €325 per month
Sky 28 per month
O2 broadband €20 per month needed for work
Phone bill in 70- 100 being paid off (arrears of about €250 - plus €50 per month needed for work - no house phone)
Child swimming lessons - 35 
Car tax - 44 per month (trying to downsize car)
Petrol - 80 per month
Tv licence 13 per month
Groceries 215 per month
Fuel 100 per month

Total monthly outgoings 2111

Balance 150


Do you pay off your full credit card balance each month? No 
If not, what is the balance on your credit card? 1000 (paying approx €70 per month)

Savings and investments: None

Do you have a pension scheme? No 

Ages of children: 7

Life insurance: none


*What specific question do you have or what issues are of concern to you? *

*By my budget I should be doing ok. But I've been hit by one thing after another recently and I just can't seem to get back on top again. I had a car accident over the bad spell and my car is a write off and I HAVE to get another so need to get about 500 together in the next few months.*
*I also have to sit exams for my job which are 300. My employers will reimburse me once I pass but that won't be until June.*

*I am constantly chasing my tail and trying desperately not to get any deeper in debt. I'm just sick over everything, not eating or sleeping. I don't know what to do. I've cut my costs back to a bare minimum. Our only "luxuries" are sky and swimming lessons. We don't have treats in our house so I'd really like to hold onto those if at all possible but I'm not sure what else to do.*
*I'm also sick with worry over the proposed pension enforcement the government want to bring in. Things are to the wire at the moment as it stands.*


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## missdaisy

Hi ailbhe. One bit of advice continually given here is to start a spending diary. Keep track of everything you spend so you know precisely what goes where. 

What is the situation with your personal loan repayment? How long more do you have to make the repayment? 

Is there anyway you can reduce your rent?


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## harriet

Sorry your finding the going so tough Ailbhe.  Might be a stupid suggestion but do your employers know how tight things are and could they pay your exam fees now on the proviso of you paying them back if you don't pass.  You also mention broadband being needed for work, again I know it is a relatively small amount but can you not claim that back in expenses from them.   Would  almost cover your Sky bill at least


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## ailbhe

missdaisy said:


> Hi ailbhe. One bit of advice continually given here is to start a spending diary. Keep track of everything you spend so you know precisely what goes where.
> 
> What is the situation with your personal loan repayment? How long more do you have to make the repayment?
> 
> Is there anyway you can reduce your rent?


 
I do the diary already. I basically spend nothing all week aside from my trip to the supermarket to do the weekly shop. I bring my lunch with me to work, don't buy newspapers etc. Aside from that, once a week I buy a loaf of bread and a litre of milk. 

I got my rent reduced from 700 to 600 over the last 18 months (first reduction in 08 and another in late 09).

My loan was renegotiated last year to consolidate after I split with my partner so I'm only about a year into it. It's over 7 years which was their absolute max. I technically have a mortage too although my ex partner is paying that so it doesn't affect my outgoings but it does affect my ability to borrow. (house is for sale, he lives there)


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## ailbhe

harriet said:


> Sorry your finding the going so tough Ailbhe. Might be a stupid suggestion but do your employers know how tight things are and could they pay your exam fees now on the proviso of you paying them back if you don't pass. You also mention broadband being needed for work, again I know it is a relatively small amount but can you not claim that back in expenses from them. Would almost cover your Sky bill at least


 

I asked about that before and they refused (the broadband). I asked them to pay the fee for the exam and they have offered to pay it but reduce my wages by 100 for the next 3 months which is looking like the most likely option but means the next 3 months will be hellish. 

I've cut right back on everything, I've sold anything valuable and I just feel like there's nowhere else I can go with this. I'm working full time and for what? For a lifestyle that feels boderline poverty-like.

I've been trying to find the childs dad but no joy so far. I always thought that might be more hassle than it was worth but at this stage I'm desperate enough. 
However, he's an elusive creature


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## missdaisy

Just a few more questions. What is your fuel cost? Is this heating? I notice you have ESB and petrol separately. If it is fuel do you have the option to use gas in the house? A gas bill to heat the house would not be €100 per month. 

Secondly, what is the insurance paymnet of €84 per month for? It's possibly health insurance, if not do you really need it? 

You say your broadband is necessary for work? Do you work from home? If you do, do you need creche payment?


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## missdaisy

Will you be getting a % of the proceeds from the sale of the house your ex partner is currently living in?


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## ailbhe

missdaisy said:


> Just a few more questionss. What is your fuel cost? Is this heating? I notice you have ESB and petrol separately. If it is fuel do you have the option to use gas in the house? A gas bill to heat the house would not be €100 per month.
> 
> Secondly, what is the insurance paymnet of €84 per month for? It's possibly health insurance, if not do you really need it?
> 
> You say your broadband is necessary for work? Do you work from home? If you do, do you need creche payment?


 

Fuel cost is oil central heating. 
Petrol is for the car.
ESB is for lighting etc. 

Insurance payment is a combination of my car insurance, my own contents insurance and my house that I own insurance (half this cost)
In total its 710 per year over 9 months plus interest.

I work out of the home but I have to study and complete online hours in relation to my position which have to be done on my own time.


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## harriet

Thats a bit unfair of them not to cover your broadband if it is for work related purposes.

Is there anyway of making a bit of extra outside of work.

I know you have a child which doesn't make it easier but I have a friend who does ironing for people and does it when her kids are in bed.


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## ailbhe

missdaisy said:


> Will you be getting a % of the proceeds from the sale of the house your ex partner is currently living in?


 
We bought 2 years ago. Mortgage is €280k. House was worth about 340k but is now worth about 270k. 

If the market picks up and the house sells for a profit then I am protected in terms of this. We drew up a legal agreement when I moved out.


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## ailbhe

harriet said:


> Thats a bit unfair of them not to cover your broadband if it is for work related purposes.
> 
> Is there anyway of making a bit of extra outside of work.
> 
> I know you have a child which doesn't make it easier but I have a friend who does ironing for people and does it when her kids are in bed.


 
Thats a good idea. I've advertised as a babysitter but had no luck yet. 
I could also do bar work which I did in a previous life lol, but the cost of a sitter would eat into any wages, my FIS would be reduced, medical card may be withdrawn etc.


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## missdaisy

The fuel cost should reduce over the next few months as we are out of the cold spell. 

Will your studies be fully over this summer?


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## ailbhe

missdaisy said:


> The fuel cost should reduce over the next few months as we are out of the cold spell.
> 
> Will your studies be fully over this summer?


 

The fule cost is averaged out over the 12 months. I put in 200 in Nov, 200 in january and just put in 300 there this month. 
Will prob do me until April/May and I'll put in another 250 and then another 250 in September. Might be able to get by on less than that.

I've another exam in 6 months (where I pay 300 and am reimbursed when I pass) and I'm done then but I will have to participate in ongoing training which costs about €150 per annum after that which will not be reimbursed.


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## Frank

I know this may seem very negative.
But no doubt someone here will know.

As you mentioned Aibhe you are working very hard to stand still just.

I worked with a girl that decided she was better off not working.

Again I know it may seem negative but it seemed like the elephant in the room.

Best of luck getting through this.


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## Noor77

Hi Ailbhe

Have you ever received maintenance from your child's Father? Even if you could get a maintenance order for €50 a week it would really ease the pressure on you. Also, if you were able to get some maintenance money you should seriously consider getting some life insurance, for your own peace of mind.

Could you maybe work mornings only? You would save on the creche fees then. Or, is there a family member that might do the minding for say €200 a month? A friend of mine has a brother who was made redundant last year and he now minds her two kids until 2pm on weekdays. He takes significantly less from her than a non-family member would and he actually enjoys it!

I notice on your list of ougoings that you don't list any expenditure for socialising. I know you probably don't get a chance to go out much but even if you could have an evening to yourself once or twice a month it would do you the world of good. 

Don't beat yourself up too much. You seem to have your head screwed on and the fact that you are looking for ways to improve your situation is half the battle.

Noor


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## ailbhe

Noor77 said:


> Have you ever received maintenance from your child's Father? Even if you could get a maintenance order for €50 a week it would really ease the pressure on you. Also, if you were able to get some maintenance money you should seriously consider getting some life insurance, for your own peace of mind.


 
No I never have. I haven't seen him since I was a few months pregnant. He doesn't want to be found.
I have life insurance for the mortgage only which is included in the mortgage payment/attached to it, so my ex is paying that although I'm not sure he knows that. I won't mention it lol. In the event of my death the mortgage would be paid off and my daughter would have half the house. 



> Could you maybe work mornings only? You would save on the creche fees then. Or, is there a family member that might do the minding for say €200 a month? A friend of mine has a brother who was made redundant last year and he now minds her two kids until 2pm on weekdays. He takes significantly less from her than a non-family member would and he actually enjoys it!


I broached mornings only with my employers but they weren't interested at all. It works out much of a muchness anyway really. I would get a reduced OPFA and FIS and wages but would only save on creche. There is potential for progression in my current job, stability and good hours to suit family life (mon to fri, no bank holidays etc). A mornings only office job would be a needle in a haystack in this economy. 
I don't leave near any family. My nearest relative is over 2 hours away. I moved here to be with my ex but stayed because of work and my daughters school etc. 




> I notice on your list of ougoings that you don't list any expenditure for socialising. I know you probably don't get a chance to go out much but even if you could have an evening to yourself once or twice a month it would do you the world of good.
> 
> Don't beat yourself up too much. You seem to have your head screwed on and the fact that you are looking for ways to improve your situation is half the battle.
> 
> Noor


 
I get out now and then. Usually a few drinks at the house before heading out. Last time I was out was about a month ago so not too bad. I try to have a night out once a month or so even if it is on the cheap. 


On a plus note, a good friend of mine has offered to sub me the money for the exam so the pressure is on to pass to get her the money back lol but she's happy to wait for it until after the exam.

I've also emailed the bank to ask if I can skip next months loan payment and tag it on to the end or bump up my payments for a few months to pay it. Going to use it to buy a cheap car. As I told them no car = no job = no wages so.........

I'll see what they come back with. 

Thanks guys. It all just gets a bit much sometimes. Slogging it out over a full time job, study etc and still having nothing within a few days of payday. But then again, I've a warm house and food on the table and I don't have anyone knocking on my door looking for payments so I'm in a much better position than most. 

My optimism returns.....


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## annR

Ailbhe

You sound like you're doing great although it's tough.  The areas that jump out at me are
- I think your employers are being a bit harsh by not paying for anything with annual ongoing training of E150 pa and also the broadband - but hopefully you will be able to reap the benefits in the future in terms of job progression?
- the fuel costs seem high - are you using the immersion or something
- there must be some process whereby you can get some official help with locating your daughter's Dad


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## ailbhe

annR said:


> Ailbhe
> 
> You sound like you're doing great although it's tough. The areas that jump out at me are
> - I think your employers are being a bit harsh by not paying for anything with annual ongoing training of E150 pa and also the broadband - but hopefully you will be able to reap the benefits in the future in terms of job progression?
> - the fuel costs seem high - are you using the immersion or something
> - there must be some process whereby you can get some official help with locating your daughter's Dad


 
- I agree but my employers aren't the most flexible people in the world. But its a secure job which is scarce these days so I amn't going to push it.
-ESB is about 50 per month and fuel costs(central heating including the cold spell we had) work out at about €100 per month. I prefer to overestimate by a little than underestimate because heat is pretty important. I don't use the immersion, I'm fairly good at turning off lights etc. The dryer is probably the biggest cost in terms of the ESB bill but I tried drying clothes in the house a couple of years ago and started getting mould. I have no back garden and amn't allowed put anything in the front (management agency rules). I probably do about 4 loads of washing a week and use the dryer for those.
-I gave what details I had to Social welfare a few years back, when I initially had my daughter and applied for OPFA. They didn't do anything with them (work addresses and dates). He had moved on and not left forwarding details, he changed his phone number and I tried getting his details myself from his employers but they wouldn't give them.

I've googled him, checked for him on facebook etc but nothing has shown up.


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## pinkyBear

Hi there, can you get in contact with his family. They may be willing to help you encourage him to take a bit more responcibility. 

your daughter is their grand child..


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## ailbhe

pinkyBear said:


> Hi there, can you get in contact with his family. They may be willing to help you encourage him to take a bit more responcibility.
> 
> your daughter is their grand child..


 
I don't know them. We were both in college together and working together but from different parts of the country. I know the area where he is from but it's a Dublin area so the scope is vast. 

He doesn't want to be found. I have the same phone number, am on facebook with a profile pic of me, am still in touch with people in my old workplace. He could find me if he wanted. 

He told me when I told him I was pregnant that he had a fiancee and a child in his home town already (never mentioned them in the year I knew him!). 
I don't think, even if I did find him, that he'd be much help.


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## pinkyBear

I have to say, I am a huge admirer of you and you are coping really well.. He deserves a kicking!!!!


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## ailbhe

pinkyBear said:


> I have to say, I am a huge admirer of you and you are coping really well.. He deserves a kicking!!!!


 
Lol. I agree. 
Bear in mind this all happened almost 8 years ago now. It was May 02 when I fell pregnant. I was angry for a while after but at the end of the day, I've my daughter. He has nothing. 
And while raising her alone is hard financially, I wouldn't swap her for the euro millions.


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## truthseeker

ailbhe said:


> I don't know them. We were both in college together and working together but from different parts of the country. I know the area where he is from but it's a Dublin area so the scope is vast.


 
Id be in to pubs in that area asking bar staff do they know how to contact Mr X.
Id also be looking for the surname in a telephone directory and phoning possible candidates living in that area.

What else do you know about him, clearly under the circumstances you cant afford a private detective, perhaps people here will have ideas depending on the type of information you have about him (for example, did he play sports, ever mention a particular club he was a member of etc... - could you contact them?).

Have you tried contacting the college and former place of work for his last known contact details? They may not give them to you but they may release them on the basis of a court order for maintenance?


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## ailbhe

truthseeker said:


> Id be in to pubs in that area asking bar staff do they know how to contact Mr X.
> Id also be looking for the surname in a telephone directory and phoning possible candidates living in that area.


 
I have no intention of canvassing all the bars in inner city dublin looking for a man I haven't seen in 8 years. I understand where you are coming from but I would feel quite degraded by that, wandering around looking for my childs daddy.
I did the phone number thing when my daughter was born. It was humiliating and yielded no results.





> What else do you know about him, clearly under the circumstances you cant afford a private detective, perhaps people here will have ideas depending on the type of information you have about him (for example, did he play sports, ever mention a particular club he was a member of etc... - could you contact them?).


I contacted the clubs for the sport he participated in but came up blank. He also told me when I was pregnant that he was moving abroad. I think that was a lie but who knows. He said his parents were separating and he couldn't "deal" with everything. 
I could post what I know about him but to be honest I'm not comfortabel with that at all. Not sure why but I can't imagine how horrible it would be to come on here and see details about your son/brother basically saying he had a child he hadn't bothered with for over 7 years. 
It's crass and very "Jerry Springer" like and maybe my pride is getting in the way but I don't want to be like that.




> Have you tried contacting the college and former place of work for his last known contact details? They may not give them to you but they may release them on the basis of a court order for maintenance?


 
Can't take court proceedings without details (as far as I know) and can't get details on the basis of data protection.


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## truthseeker

Sorry Ailbhe - i think you misunderstood me, I totally understand you not posting his details - what I meant was to post the type of information you have such as:

I know he played GAA with a particular club.
I know he worked in a particular supermarket in his teens.
I know the name of his secondary school.

Thay type of thing. If for example the above examples WERE the types of info you have Id be saying - contact the GAA club, contact the old supermarket, go to friendsreunited.com or schoolfriends.ie and see do you recognise any of his friends names (people he may have spoken about) and the possibility of contacting them.

I didnt mean to actually say WHAT you know, just what TYPE of things you know. You never know - someone may have an idea based on the type of info you have.

On the bar canvassing. A girl I know became pregnant after a one night stand in the UK. She found the childs father by going back to the original bar where they met and asking questions. She was directed to a couple of different bars and managed to find him. He was actually delighted to be a part of his childs life. Including paying maintenance. 

There is nothing degrading about doing something like that - its him who should be ashamed of himself for doing a runner to begin with.

Ireland is pretty small, it seems to me that everyone I meet knows someone who knows someone I know. There is a good chance that questioning people in his local area may yield results.

Dont you ever feel degraded or embarrassed or anything like that. You have left yourself open to contact. He has done a disappearing act. He has decided to shirk both his moral and legal responsibilities to support his child - why should he be allowed to get away with that?
You knew him for quite a long period of time, there must be things you know about him that would help you track him down.


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## doubledeb

tough going for you but well done, you seem to have your head well screwed on.  One thing I will mention is that if your circumstances change e.g. your income going up or down, your FIS payment won't be reduced/increased until the next time you apply.  So if you could do a little something extra financially (bar work or something) just till you have to re-apply for FIS it might help you get back on track with the arrears from some of your bills.  A friend could maybe help you out with childcare one or 2 nights a week? Make sure and tell FIS though.


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## ailbhe

OK, well all I really know is that he was interested in a certain sport. I've tried those kind of clubs but to no avail.
I know the places he worked from 2001 to 2003.
I know where he went to college for the same years.
I know where he went to work after he left the place we were in college together. 
I don't know much about his family, well, anything really. We were just co workers for most of the time I knew him.
It's silly really but I never thought to ask much about his life outside of where we were. I was young and didn't think it important. I knew where his rented house was, where he worked, where he went for lunch, what days he went to the gym etc. It never occurred to me that I'd need to know anything else lol. I know stuff like his favourite beer, favourite food, that he used to be a lot bigger until he started in the gym. Stupid stuff that won't help me but thats what we talked about.


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## pinkyBear

Ailbhe, I was in a simular situation as you.. Only I gave up my daughter for adoption. Her dad also left, and I too searched in the places that he used to work in.. Not to get money, I just wanted him to know he had a daughter, and to give him photos! I managed to find him in facebook..

To be honest, you are doing an incredible job, and I do appreciate how, on so many levels it is hard for you at the moment... On the plus side hopefully this hard time will not last for ever, and you are doing the best thing for your daughter and yourself.. 

Give yourself a pat on the back


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## truthseeker

Thats exactly the kind of thing that most young couples know!!

Heres a question - what he did in college - did it lead to a specific career or would it be a reasonable common one? For example, if it was teacher training you could use the ratemyteacher website to look for him?

Would any of the workplaces give you information?

Did he leave a forwarding address at the rented house (you could always pretend to be trying to get in touch with him about an inheritance - people tend to be more helpful if they think theyre passing on good luck).

The gym could be one to check out - my hubby has been a member of the same gym for over 10 years now. Again you could let on you were trying to return something to try and get a favourable staff response. Someone might give you a phone number if you rang up and said youd found a wallet you were trying to return - that youd found a membership card in the wallet and thought they might help?


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## michaelm

Reads more like a holding pattern than a downward spiral to me.  Short of looking for a better paid job (possibly closer to family and moving, if that would be positive) I'm not sure you can do much more than you're doing now.


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## ailbhe

pinkyBear said:


> Ailbhe, I was in a simular situation as you.. Only I gave up my daughter for adoption. Her dad also left, and I too searched in the places that he used to work in.. Not to get money, I just wanted him to know he had a daughter, and to give him photos! I managed to find him in facebook..
> 
> To be honest, you are doing an incredible job, and I do appreciate how, on so many levels it is hard for you at the moment... On the plus side hopefully this hard time will not last for ever, and you are doing the best thing for your daughter and yourself..
> 
> Give yourself a pat on the back


 
Thanks very much. Yesterday was just a bad day. I'm usually fine 99% of the time but sometimes it all just catches up on you and you can't catch your breath. I usually have a rant or a cry and I'm fine again for another while. I'm sorry to hear you were in the same position but I hope everything turned out well for you in the end. 





			
				truthseeker said:
			
		

> Thats exactly the kind of thing that most young couples know!!
> 
> Heres a question - what he did in college - did it lead to a specific career or would it be a reasonable common one? For example, if it was teacher training you could use the ratemyteacher website to look for him?
> 
> Would any of the workplaces give you information?
> 
> Did he leave a forwarding address at the rented house (you could always pretend to be trying to get in touch with him about an inheritance - people tend to be more helpful if they think theyre passing on good luck).
> 
> The gym could be one to check out - my hubby has been a member of the same gym for over 10 years now. Again you could let on you were trying to return something to try and get a favourable staff response. Someone might give you a phone number if you rang up and said youd found a wallet you were trying to return - that youd found a membership card in the wallet and thought they might help?


 
He was doing a hotel and management course, a year of which had to be done in a university. So he might be working in a hotel but as I said, he also told me he was moving abroad. I've checked the workplaces and none would give me any info. i also checked the admissions dept in uni and they wouldn't either.
His house mates all moved out of the rented house at the same time. I guess if I'd known at the time he would change his number and scarper, I wouldn't have let so many leads go cold.
After my 3 month scan I told him my due date. He kept on and on about an abortion and I just couldn't take it anymore on top of everything else I was dealing with (I had miscarried one - originally was having twins but I didn't know). Anyway I told him I'd give him some time to come to terms with it and contact him closer to the time. This would have been in Aug 02, I called in Dec 02 and his phone was no longer in service . 
Bubs arrived a couple of months later.


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## michaelm

IMHO you should only chase him up if you want him to be a part of your daughter's live.  If your only motivation is to try to get some maintenance then it may ultimately prove more trouble/complication that it's worth.  If it were me I would probably write him off.


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## micro

Hi Ailbhe,
Just on the basis of part-time work- have you thought of giving grinds? It's that time of year and if you have anything from LC or college that you were especially good at it would be handy money. I used to give them myself and after the initial revision of the course work it was pretty easy money. Just put a note on the noticeboard in Tesco. You could offer a slightly cheaper than average rate and do it in your own home. 
Just an idea  Best of luck with everything. 
I also didn't see it mentioned (but it may have been), are you getting all the tax credits you are entitled too? Tutition fees/bins/health/rent.
Is there anything else you could get from social welfare? Help with fuel/ESB. Would it be worth moving to a newer place with gas and good insulation? Have you changed your ESB to airtricity/Bord gais? It's a small saving but it all helps. 
Would you save by getting a NTL/Broadband package? 
Best of luck


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## txirimiri

Hi Ailbhe, you sound like you are doing fantastically well in a tricky enough situation. 

A couple of suggestions

Have you checked out other banks to see whether you can transfer the personal loan at a lower rate? That could either lower your monthly repayments (even by a small amount) or you could pay it off faster

Childcare costs - 325 seems relatively high for after school care. Is there a community creche in your area that does after school? I am in Dublin and there is one in my area that does it for about 60 a week (or less depending on income, I think 60 is the highest). 

For stuff outside the everyday costs (clothes, furniture, toys, electrical good etc), have you checked out Jumbletown.ie? Fantastic stuff on these, I have got and given away various stuff over the last few years in perfect condition.

Good luck with it. Hopefully when all the exams are over, you might be in a position to rise up the salary scale


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## txirimiri

Another thing I forgot to mention - in terms of tracking down your child's dad. have you checked out [broken link removed]? Its extraordinary at picking up any mention of someone anywhere, ever on the web. I have googled myself and it comes up with 3 mentions that are me, when I looked myself up on 123, it had 17 links, all of which were correct, including attendance lists at 2 bit work conferences that I attended 10 years ago and a quote in a foreign language newspaper I gave 13 years ago! If the dad doesn;t turn up on that, he really has gone deeply underground ...


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## niceoneted

I just want to say a big well done to you for having so much pride in yourself. I see so many people in your situation at work who give in and just go fro rent allowance and OPFA and don't want to work. Fair play to you and for instilling a positive message to your daughter, tough and all as it is. 
I am a believer that things happen for a reason and you may be better off not being in contact with her dad. 
Also just on bills, I feel ESB and heating are on the high side. Have you those energy efficient bulbs. I got great ones recently that give out more instant light. 
In relation to sky can you reduce this a bit. I got the basic package plus one other - documentaries for under 25 I still get childrens, news and lifestyle channels. I know it's a small saving but it all adds up. 
Any chance a family member could give you an interest free loan? 
Keep up the great work and give yourself a well deserved pat on the back.


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## yram

Wow just reading your story - you are a tough cookie! fair play to you.

One thing I have to add is that your grocery bill is huge! Ive lived on e20 a week (incl partner) - including meat/veg/lunchtime etc...

Could you say e25 a week for the two of ye which would save you 115 a month...3 months - theres your course fees anyways.


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## jambo.ie

One thing I haven't seen mentioned here that may be an option for you. There are bargains out there at the moment on rental properties. If you can reduce your rent and your heating bills by moving then it may be attractive.


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## jambo.ie

Your phone and your broadband seem quite high at EUR 70 per month. Could you save by switching to a bundled service and cutting down on mobile use?

e.g. [broken link removed]

The APR on your personal loan seems to be about 16/17 per cent? Plus fees? Maybe I'm out of touch with reality but that seems very very high. Was your debt consolidation done through a prime lender or one of the less well known / mainstream lenders?


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## number7

I dont see any mention of the credit union. If you are not a member of the credit union I would suggest that you consider joining, you could start by using it to save for your car. 

If you manage you cu well you can use it to meet the unexpected expenses as they arise, things like car breakdowns, emergency expenses etc. Small monthly deposits of say €25.00 and in 3 or 4 months it could finance your exam expenses for you. It also helps to create a history of saving in case you want to refinance some of your borrowings at a later date.

Dont forget that looking after yourself is important too, you have to have something to look forward to so dont leave out a bit of fun no matter what the cost.

I wouldnt bother with the Father for maintenance, it could bring more disharmony to your life than the money would help, thats just my opinion, 7 years on who needs him.

You sound great, dont let it grind you down.


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## dmos87

Ailbhe,

I'm sending this to you from your daughters perspective. My father was nothing but a waste of space when I was growing up - my sisters and I were forced to go see him once a month with a social worker but none of us are in contact anymore. My mother never got a penny from him for us and quite literally dragged us up through poverty to be 4 well educated, smart, presentable and happy women. When I tell you we lived on beans and toast, I mean it. We never knew any different and it never bothered us. There were times we couldnt afford anything, and I still re-call being the only girl in 3rd Class not able to go on the school tour because we couldnt pay the 15 pounds it cost. She wasnt around much when we were young because she worked full time, and in a bar at night (my nana used to mind us and get our homework done). There isnt a day that goes by that I dont thank my stars I have a mother like her - she worked herself to the bone for us and I will be forever grateful. As time has gone by and we have grown up and contributed at home or moved out, things have obviously gotten easier and she finally has things for her.

My mum is the mother of the year every year and will always be the person I look up to - your daughter will think the same. You are keeping her safe, happy and loved and that is really all that matters.


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## Starfish4

Ailbhe you are an inspiration and clearly don't need anything from your daughter's dad, it seems she's better off without him in her life. But I was reading a few of the posts about tracking him down and wonder if you could just order a copy of his birth cert from a birth registration office? As far as I know, anyone can order someone's birth cert. You could from there possibly even look for other certs like marriage and parents birth certs. While you may not even want to track him down it may be good to have these type of documents in case your daughter is curious at some stage...


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## Complainer

dmos87 said:


> Ailbhe,
> 
> I'm sending this to you from your daughters perspective. My father was nothing but a waste of space when I was growing up - my sisters and I were forced to go see him once a month with a social worker but none of us are in contact anymore. My mother never got a penny from him for us and quite literally dragged us up through poverty to be 4 well educated, smart, presentable and happy women. When I tell you we lived on beans and toast, I mean it. We never knew any different and it never bothered us. There were times we couldnt afford anything, and I still re-call being the only girl in 3rd Class not able to go on the school tour because we couldnt pay the 15 pounds it cost. She wasnt around much when we were young because she worked full time, and in a bar at night (my nana used to mind us and get our homework done). There isnt a day that goes by that I dont thank my stars I have a mother like her - she worked herself to the bone for us and I will be forever grateful. As time has gone by and we have grown up and contributed at home or moved out, things have obviously gotten easier and she finally has things for her.
> 
> My mum is the mother of the year every year and will always be the person I look up to - your daughter will think the same. You are keeping her safe, happy and loved and that is really all that matters.


Excellent post.


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## dmos87

I speak the truth. Ailbhe's daughter has no need for this "father" in her life, especially if he wants nothing to do with her. It can cause more hurt in the long run for her daughter.


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## pepsi66

hi, i have to admire you  and i see a lot of my own situation is parallel to yours..there are a lot of single parents out there struggling to stand still..myself included..keep your chin up and continue with your studies as it is the best way out of poverty and you are still young..you are a great role model for your daughter and it will pay off in the end..


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## PaddyW

complainer said:


> excellent post.


+1


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