# Dating in 2010 at the age of 40



## becky (15 Sep 2010)

Bit of advise needed. Met a guy on Sunday night and at the end of the night he asked for my number. I got a text on Monday AM asking how I was to which I replied. Got a reply text to my text but didn’t reply as told to play it cool.

Same friends are saying he should ring by today/tomorrow but so far nothing. Don’t want to be too bunny boiler cos I have seen friends drunk texting and then wondering why he cooled off.  

I did really like him. Any thoughts?


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## truthseeker (15 Sep 2010)

Play the waiting game.

He is the one who asked for your number - so the ball lies in his court to look for a date.


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## RMCF (15 Sep 2010)

He might not want to come across as a stalker type.

If you ignored his last text, he might think you aren't interested.


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## becky (15 Sep 2010)

RMCF -that's what I thought too but I also agree with truthseeker.  

I'm at a loose end today is all.  The great advisors that are my friends aren't helping what with them looking for updates.


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## Caveat (15 Sep 2010)

becky said:


> as told to play it cool.


 
Worst advice ever.

Sorry, but I hate when people (mainly women) say this. Might be relevant when you're 16 or something but playing hard to get and other game playing is just ridiculous after the age of e.g. 25.

If 40 odd years on this planet has taught me anything it's that men are generally far less calculating and devious than some women think they are. They tend to be much more matter of fact and blunt in "affairs of the heart" especially at this age.

Just be honest with both yourself and him - employ common sense though and try to be level headed but forget the second guessing and skirting around is my advice.


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## Guest122 (15 Sep 2010)

Have to agree with RMCF.
He texted you last - so its over to you to keep things going - Why not text him to suggest he actually call you and have a chat.
Then you will be able to sus out both your levels of interest, much more easily than through impersonal texts...

(I hate texting)


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## pixiebean22 (15 Sep 2010)

Agree with RMCF.  I don't understand this whole not replying to texts, the 3 day rule, waiting game etc etc.  How is anyone supposed to know you like them and are interested in them if you don't reply?  As far as I'm concerned if someone texts me, regardless of who they are, I reply.  Also, as it is Wednesday and people will in general start making weekend plans around now it might be an idea to ring him, not text, and just see if he'd like to do something at the weekend.

I'm 23 and if I like someone I tell them, if I don't like them I tell them, if I want to talk to someone I do, if I don't want to talk to someone I tell them I'm just not interested, it's that simple.  People aren't mind readers.


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## RMCF (15 Sep 2010)

Yeah give him a call and have a chat. Maybe about Cowen, lighten the mood !!!


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## pixiebean22 (15 Sep 2010)

Also, your friends badgering asking did he call, did he text, offering suggestions like well don't text him, you don't want to seem desperate etc etc, that's not going to help.  My advice would be to ring him and just be honest, don't worry about seeming too keen or playing hard to get and feed your friends as little information as possible until you are on firm footing with the man.


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## csirl (15 Sep 2010)

Breffni Boy2 said:


> Have to agree with RMCF.
> He texted you last - so its over to you to keep things going - Why not text him to suggest he actually call you and have a chat.
> Then you will be able to sus out both your levels of interest, much more easily than through impersonal texts...
> 
> (I hate texting)


 
Agree, the ball is in your court. This guy is probably seeking to arrange a date sometime over the next few days, so you should either call him or text him back to arrange something - suggesting time/place etc.

Guy's dont do the play it cool or play hard to get thing - this is a big mistake that girls often make. They assume that if you dont respond in a timely manner, you're just not interested.


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## pixiebean22 (15 Sep 2010)

Yes csirl, agree with that.  Majority of men are not calculating when it comes to dating.  He texted you, got no reply, is probably thinking "huh, i thought that date went well".


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## ivuernis (15 Sep 2010)

Just text him and start a line of communications up. He can't read your mind if you don't reply to his text. Forget the "games". Text and ask him to call you if he's interested in meeting up sometime. The balls in his court, he'll ring if he's interested. Good luck!


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## truthseeker (15 Sep 2010)

I disagree with the lot of ye!

He sent a text, she replied, he replied - end of text conversation.

That does not leave the ball in her court. Its normal to just have a couple of texts back and forth and its irritating to have someone continue to reply and reply and reply - nothing to do with playing it cool, but presumably on a Monday both of ye are in work so itd just be a polite exchange of a text or two.

If becky now texts him she is going to look like she is thinking she is entitled to a date this weekend - and sorry all - but guys dont like girls presuming they are dating after one meeting and a short text exchange.

Becky - play the waiting game!!


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## pixiebean22 (15 Sep 2010)

I assume Becky isn't presuming they are dating, she actually needs to go on a few more dates with him to arrive at that conclusion and that is why she should text him if she is interested, how is he supposed to know her intentions if they haven't spoken and she was the one to end the exchange of texts.  Call him


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## RMCF (15 Sep 2010)

Becky, you said you really liked him.

Forget all the teenage "will I let him text me again, what will he think, what should I do" nonsense.

You're a grown adult who obviously is worried about being single at 40. Just go for it. If you have a couple of dates and decide he's not for you, no harm done.


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## Sunny (15 Sep 2010)

Women and their games! He will probably love to hear from you. I usually like to a few texts behind me before I would ring a girl just so I know there is more than polite interest! Cowardly I know!


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## bren1916 (15 Sep 2010)

Call him and and him out for a drink with something like ' if I was to wait on you to call.....'
1. He'll (or at least should) like your spunk!
2. If he doesn't and is horrified that you might have initiated a date.. well do you wanna date a fellow like that?
3. Don't play games  - if he's 40 odd he won't appreciate it..

Now, make the call...


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## pinkyBear (15 Sep 2010)

Hi there becky, 

It would be my opinion to text him, he has already made contact, so its not as though your stalking him ... Forget about the game to be honest and just focus on having some fun...


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## Sue Ellen (15 Sep 2010)

Life's too short for 'if only' so either text or ring him now and forget about as others have said 'women and their games'.  Go with your gut instinct.  I'm off to get me weddin' hat out of the box


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## pinkyBear (15 Sep 2010)

> I'm off to get me weddin' hat out of the box


 no pressure becky


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## z104 (15 Sep 2010)

Playing games is childish!

Treat him like you would treat an adult. You should have replied to his text.

Text him if you are interested..


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## PaddyW (15 Sep 2010)

If I was that guy, I had texted you Monday morning and you hadn't bothered your a**e replying to me by this time on a Wednesday afternoon, well then I would presume there was no interest from your side and forget it.


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## ney001 (15 Sep 2010)

Na what you do is, try and get into his voicemail and see if anyone else has been calling him.  Then see if he is on facebook and look at his photos and friends, also try to become friends with one of his friends etc to see their photos of him.  Did he tell you where he worked? check that out too, a quick driveby at around 5pm and you will see him leaving, then follow him home, check out his house, make sure he's not married etc.  See what car is like i.e has he got money.  Google him and his number to make sure there's nothing dodge online so when you've done all that and about two weeks have passed text him! 


......... or you could ignore all the silly games people play, text him and ask him to go for a coffee one of the days this week - don't over think things too much and don't listen to silly girl friends who get their dating tips from Sex & The City!


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## TarfHead (15 Sep 2010)

ney001 said:


> Na what you do is, try and get into his voicemail and see if anyone else has been calling him. Then see if he is on facebook and look at his photos and friends, also try to become friends with one of his friends etc to see their photos of him. Did he tell you where he worked? check that out too, a quick driveby at around 5pm and you will see him leaving, then follow him home, check out his house, make sure he's not married etc. See what car is like i.e has he got money. Google him and his number to make sure there's nothing dodge online so when you've done all that and about two weeks have passed text him!


 
+1

Also, try breaking into his house and checking through his drawers. Maybe go to the bedroom and try on some of his clothes. If he arrives home and catches you in the act and loses the head, he's obviously wrong for you.


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## ney001 (15 Sep 2010)

And the bins, don't forget them, you can tell an awful lot about somebody by the yoghurt they eat!


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## PaddyW (15 Sep 2010)

TarfHead said:


> +1
> 
> Also, try breaking into his house and checking through his drawers. Maybe go to the bedroom and try on some of his clothes. If he arrives home and catches you in the act and loses the head, he's obviously wrong for you.



Or, maybe he likes a bitta role play?


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## becky (15 Sep 2010)

Thanks lads the last few replies have me smiling anyway. I don't do FB, don't know where he lives or works (he's self employed) so trying on his clothes and rooting though his bins aren't options despite how appealing they sound.  If I was to root through his bins what would I be looking for exactly?

RMFC - re your comment on me being bothered about being single at 40 I can honestly say it doesn't bother me cos if it did I wouldn't be single. I'm not being big headed but friends say I'm too fussy and my reply is "yea I know". This reply normally doesn't go down well but should you not be fussy about this?

I mentioned the age to put some context on it I suppose.

Some posters seem to think I didn't reply but I did once. At 40 I of an age that wouldn't be a big fan of having a texting conversation.


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## Mrs Vimes (15 Sep 2010)

RMCF said:


> Yeah give him a call and have a chat. Maybe about Cowen, lighten the mood !!!


This one also has the advantage that if he gets offended you'll know he's actually a Cowen/Joe Duffy fan-boy you don't need to waste any more time on him


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## pixiebean22 (15 Sep 2010)

becky said:


> Thanks lads the last few replies have me smiling anyway. I don't do FB, don't know where he lives or works (he's self employed) so trying on his clothes and rooting though his bins aren't options despite how appealing they sound. If I was to root through his bins what would I be looking for exactly?
> 
> RMFC - re your comment on me being bothered about being single at 40 I can honestly say it doesn't bother me cos if it did I wouldn't be single. I'm not being big headed but friends say I'm too fussy and my reply is "yea I know". This reply normally doesn't go down well but should you not be fussy about this?
> 
> ...


 
I would assume RMFC only mentioned your age because you mentioned it yourself.  You should be fussy.  I'm a very fussy person.  This is someone who you may spend quite a lot of your time with so choose wisely.  There's no point getting together with the first person that comes along and winding up miserable just because you didn't want to seem fussy.

He texted you, you texted him back, he texted you again, you didn't reply, I'm assuming that's where people are getting the idea you didn't reply.

You don't need to have a text conversation, call him.  Call him later on this evening at a time when it should be safe enough (he won't be in work or travelling from work).  If he's busy when you call or you have to leave a voicemail just suggest he call you back to arrange meeting up over the weekend if he's not busy, simple.


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## Yorrick (15 Sep 2010)

How many men does it take to open a bottle of Budweiser ?
None. The bitch should have it opened when she brings it to him.


Quit playing the teenage games and listening to your " friends "

Get back to him for a chat and see where it goes from there


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## dereko1969 (15 Sep 2010)

being in the same age group and currently single i'd be a bit annoyed if I hadn't received a response by today to a text on monday.


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## RMCF (15 Sep 2010)

I did only mention your age because you mentioned it - I wasn't hinting at you being desperate or anything. Sorry if it came across this way.

So, have you called him yet?


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## Purple (15 Sep 2010)

Caveat said:


> Worst advice ever.
> 
> Sorry, but I hate when people (mainly women) say this. Might be relevant when you're 16 or something but playing hard to get and other game playing is just ridiculous after the age of e.g. 25.
> 
> ...



Best advice so far.


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## JP1234 (15 Sep 2010)

Just ring him and arrange to meet for a coffee on your lunch hour, that gives you a bit of time to decide if you want to take it further while having a good reason to head off if you don't.

He took your number and texted you twice, if he wasn't interested why would he bother? Don't play silly games, you might regret it. If you don't want to take it further after another date just say so.


_"Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the  things you didn't do more than the ones you did." _*H. Jackson  Brown, Jr.
*


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## Ancutza (15 Sep 2010)

What's with all this texting-ping-pong-crap?  Somebody has to make the first move here and it's better thro' a phone call.  Might as well be you who makes it.  He definitely won't think any less of you for being the one to call!  I'd agree with the 'Shure if I was waiting around for you to call me...' approach.  You're both adults afterall.  Keep the conversation short, sweet and light-hearted.  He'll be mad for it!

Spoken by a 39 year-old, 6 years married male with 2 kids who really was put thro' the mill by his now wife with flippin' text messages.  In my instance I cracked and phoned her up with something very romantic like 'Let's cut the crap, go out on a date and see how it goes'.  We did know each other for a few years though so I could be that blunt with her! Yikes! Now she spends most of her time being blunt with me and I pretend to like it!


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## Sunny (15 Sep 2010)

It's a really interesting thread because it shows how the whole dating thing is bloody difficult if you are aged 15 or 40! Amazing how we all or at least most of have the same insecurities. If you like him, get in touch. Best of luck. If you get married, we should have an askaboutmoney themed wedding!


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## MandaC (16 Sep 2010)

Becky, I am a fussy (single) 40 year old too!

Sometimes the older you get, the more set in your ways you get and not always in a good way.  My last relationship ended horribly about 3 years ago and I have not been out on a date since.    It is only in the past year that perhaps I am ready to start again.   I am extremely fussy (the last guy who told me he would take me to dinner for something exotic- "I'd even eat one of them Spagetti Bologneses)" was not for me.

A single friend of mine has recently met someone at age 54 and she is over the moon, both of them are.

I would not be into the text him, don't text him rubbish, I honestly could not get into that again, first sign of that messin' and I would be off, that is probably why I don't bother at this stage.

Like some of the other posters, I would not be happy to get a reply to Monday's text today and would think, " not interested, byeee!"

Keep us updated.....


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## pinkyBear (16 Sep 2010)

Well becky, I'm mad to know did you call/txt him????

I could hardly sleep last night in anticipation of your answer


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## Firefly (16 Sep 2010)

Hi Becky,

As a happily married man I've been out of the dating game for yonks. However, as he sent the last text, I would be expecting a text back if I were him or I would think that you're not interested. Tell him you'll be "in town" on Sat and would he fancy a coffee? Why not - as Caveat pointed our, neither of ye are 16. Go for it!!


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## PaddyW (16 Sep 2010)

Come on Becky, WE HAVE TO KNOW!!


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## Firefly (16 Sep 2010)

csirl said:


> Guy's dont do the play it cool or play hard to get thing - this is a big mistake that girls often make. They assume that if you dont respond in a timely manner, you're just not interested.


 
That's so true!


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## micmclo (16 Sep 2010)

Men are simple creatures, unaware of a lot of these subtle "rules"

If I texted you twice by Monday and hadn't heard back by Wednesday I'd forget about it and let it go.

What's the rule? Three days to respond so not to appear keen?
Come on, keep it simple.
If you're interested text back or better still, call the guy

We are all expecting an invite to the wedding Becky, NO PRESSURE!


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## pixiebean22 (16 Sep 2010)

Well, well, well.... ????


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## Sunny (16 Sep 2010)

Maybe she had a good night. Could be hours before we hear yet!


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## DB74 (16 Sep 2010)

truthseeker said:


> If becky now texts him she is going to look like she is thinking she is entitled to a date this weekend - and sorry all - but guys dont like girls presuming they are dating after one meeting and a short text exchange.


 
How do you know what guys like?

becky - don't play games - you run the risk of him deciding that you're not really interested. The last text was from him so the ball is back in your court now.

A good few years ago I met a girl about a week before Christmas. We had a couple of text conversations later and then they dried up. I got fed up and actually ended up meeting my wife. The first girl claimed that she had no credit and/or didn't get some of my messages but you can't hang around forever waiting for someone to stop playing games.

The first girl is now a raging alcoholic with serious relationship problems ... probably!


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## DB74 (16 Sep 2010)

DB74 said:


> A good few years ago I met a girl about a week before Christmas. We had a couple of text conversations later and then they dried up. I got fed up and actually ended up meeting my wife.


 
That doesn't really sound right.

"I met the woman who went on to become my wife" is better!


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## Sol28 (16 Sep 2010)

Firefly said:


> Tell him you'll be "in town" on Sat and would he fancy a coffee?


 
Easiest advice. If hes in town you meet for an informal coffee - no pressure - if it goes well - you continue on for dinner.... if that goes well then drinks... if that goes well.....?!?! 

But seriously - this gives him the sign youre interested, but not a bunny boiler. If he cant make it - he will respond by asking you out on a different day. If he's not interested - he wont propose an alternative time. You'll know by his reaction, but you dont sound stalkerish.


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## truthseeker (16 Sep 2010)

DB74 said:


> How do you know what guys like?


 
Years of experience 

Seriously though - I dont think people of either sex like presumption too early on? Unless they are some kind of weird stalkery type.


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## Purple (16 Sep 2010)

DB74 said:


> That doesn't really sound right.
> 
> "I met the woman who went on to become my wife" is better!



No, you've said it now. We will all judge you accordingly!


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## DB74 (16 Sep 2010)

Purple said:


> No, you've said it now. We will all judge you accordingly!


 
Indeed!

Now must go, have to text this "becky" one that's been texting me all week. I'm on a promise here I tells ya!


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## TarfHead (16 Sep 2010)

My dating days were long gone when I got my first mobile phone.

Aaaah, simpler times  !!!


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## 26cb (16 Sep 2010)

Saturday coffee during the football season.....risky !  There is a window between 11:00 and the early kickoff...a couple of hours of football related banter should sort out the level of interest...   :=))


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## Shawady (16 Sep 2010)

TarfHead said:


> Aaaah, simpler times  !!!


 
+1. Would not be able to keep up with the politics of who texts first and when to reply.


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## Sunny (16 Sep 2010)

26cb said:


> Saturday coffee during the football season.....risky ! There is a window between 11:00 and the early kickoff...a couple of hours of football related banter should sort out the level of interest... :=))


 
So true!

I would invite him out during Xfactor or Strictly come dancing or something. Show him you really care!


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## VOR (16 Sep 2010)

I wish women would understand just how simple men are. The only rule I ever adhered to was the 48hr rule. He has broken that by texting on a Monday morning so I would take it that he is keen. 

In my dating days  (not _too_ long ago) I liked mid-week dates. If the date is crap, you have a work excuse to get away. Nothing worse than spoiling a perfectly good saturday night.
If it goes well, you have an excuse to get away early in the morning. You can't do that when you wake up on Sunday morning! "Sorry sweetie, but I'm just off to mass".


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## Sunny (16 Sep 2010)

VOR said:


> If it goes well, you have an excuse to get away early in the morning. You can't do that when you wake up on Sunday morning! "Sorry sweetie, but I'm just off to mass".


 
I don't understand. Why would you wake up with her? Do you mean, having to knock on her door to tell her you are leaving after spending the night on the couch after a long night of talking?


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## PaddyW (16 Sep 2010)

Sunny said:


> I don't understand. Why would you wake up with her? Do you mean, having to knock on her door to tell her you are leaving after spending the night on the couch after a long night of talking?



Exactly, what else could it possibly mean??


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## truthseeker (16 Sep 2010)

PaddyW said:


> Exactly, what else could it possibly mean??


 
Maybe it would be a camping date - seperate tents of course.


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## truthseeker (16 Sep 2010)

VOR said:


> "Sorry sweetie, but I'm just off to mass".


 
Just on a side note, that actually happened a friend of mine, the girl said the next morning that she felt guilty and claimed she hadnt meant to sin and would he bring her to confession instead of home please.


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## VOR (16 Sep 2010)

That's brilliant truthseeker. Brings an all new meaning to "walk of shame"!!!

So Becky, any news for us?


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## Sunny (16 Sep 2010)

truthseeker said:


> Just on a side note, that actually happened a friend of mine, the girl said the next morning that she felt guilty and claimed she hadnt meant to sin and would he bring her to confession instead of home please.


 
 Brilliant.


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## micmclo (16 Sep 2010)

This thread is like daytime TV, waiting on the latest twist

Come on Becky, are ye meeting for a date yet?

If you don't reply these posters are going to start speculating and coming up with all sorts of scenarios so set the record straight

Report back Becky, we want to know!


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## RMCF (16 Sep 2010)

micmclo said:


> *This thread is like daytime TV*, waiting on the latest twist
> 
> Come on Becky, are ye meeting for a date yet?
> 
> ...



Yeah, I'm losing interest in it rapidly.


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## Aurnia (16 Sep 2010)

I'm curious as single, late 30's and probably should get into the dating thing again. Took awhile to get over a bad break up. These days not bothered, though would be nice to do things again.

One interesting time, on a work night out around xmas (not in Slappers might I add) I met this Maltese fella some yrs back, who took my phone and put his no it and rang it to get mine. V Smart. 
A few days later he texted and a few texts when back and forth. There was a sort of offer of pop into his work to say hello, only I couldn't at time as was in my own work and not feasible.
He then rang but I missed the call (honest!) as he didn't leave it ring for v long. But he never left a vmail, so didn't know to ring or text.

I texted back and said sorry didn't catch it in time. No reply. He rang again a few days later and same thing, no vmail - phone in other room - sent a txt and no reply.

Never met up then.

I wasn't sure what he was playing at. Surely he'd leave a vmail or reply by text? I heard since that it was a new thing to get other party to use up credit instead and they were being miserly. Not sure if that's true now or not but it was what I heard after that.

He was cute, v good looking and that wasn't just the beer goggles. Different backgrounds and social scene but would have given it a chance.


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## MandaC (17 Sep 2010)

Sounds like a bit of a malteaser!


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## Upstihaggity (17 Sep 2010)

MandaC said:


> Sounds like a bit of a malteaser!



Get yer coat Manda!!


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## ney001 (17 Sep 2010)

MandaC said:


> Sounds like a bit of a malteaser!



Badum tish!


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## Aurnia (17 Sep 2010)

MandaC - very good.  I never saw the fuss about Maltesers anyway!


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## elefantfresh (17 Sep 2010)

This thread has gone Flakey


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## michaelm (17 Sep 2010)

Caveat said:


> . . men are generally far less calculating and devious than some women think they are. They tend to be much more matter of fact and blunt in "affairs of the heart" especially at this age.
> 
> Just be honest with both yourself and him - employ common sense though and try to be level headed but forget the second guessing and skirting around is my advice.


Still the best advice on this thread.


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## PaddyW (17 Sep 2010)

For the love of God, Becky, will you tell us what happened so we can all move on with our lives


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## Firefly (17 Sep 2010)

Aurnia said:


> I met this Maltese fella some yrs back...
> He was cute, v good looking


 
He might have been cute but he would have melted in your mouth


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## micmclo (17 Sep 2010)

I was going to head out today for our anniversary
Told the missus that plans are now cancelled, she wasn't happy

I'll be logged in here instead, waiting on an update from Becky! 

Refresh, refresh, refresh


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## pixiebean22 (17 Sep 2010)

haha micmclo, sure you could end up back on the dating scene yourself with that behaviour  

becky where are you?  update us!!


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## Rois (17 Sep 2010)

Poor Becky - give her a chance she's probably so loved up on cloud 9 that she has better things to be doing on a Friday nite or on the other hand ...


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## RMCF (18 Sep 2010)

No sign of Becky ...........


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## Complainer (18 Sep 2010)

She might be having difficulty finding a Church open for confession today.


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## mtk (18 Sep 2010)

Am i the only one that finds the trivialisaton of sex underlining this thread disturbing?
I must be old fashioned i guess but i thought it was meant to mean more than having a cup to coffeee together.


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## Thirsty (18 Sep 2010)

> he would have melted in your mouth


As long as it wasn't in the hand....  (runs for cover)


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## becky (20 Sep 2010)

Hi all. Apologies for the lack of response but I have been away since last Thursday and only back now. 

Sadly I have heard nothing since a couple of texts were exchanged last week.

I don't expect to hear any more but thank you all for some very entertaining/entertaining replies. 

I am now down with something called a cold - something I haven't had in years and expert friends are saying its a broken heart. I however am putting it down to wearing skinny jeans, brogues and no socks last week trying to be on trend.


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## Sunny (20 Sep 2010)

becky said:


> Hi all. Apologies for the lack of response but I have been away since last Thursday and only back now.
> 
> Sadly I have heard nothing since a couple of texts were exchanged last week.
> 
> ...


 
His loss I am sure Becky!


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## PaddyW (20 Sep 2010)

becky said:


> Hi all. Apologies for the lack of response but I have been away since last Thursday and only back now.
> 
> Sadly I have heard nothing since a couple of texts were exchanged last week.
> 
> ...



Becky, thanks for getting back. I almost needed counselling waiting on your reply! Shame that nothing materialised, but onward and upward. Chin up good woman!


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## pixiebean22 (20 Sep 2010)

Onward and upward indeed Becky!  Hope you feel better soon


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## Sunny (20 Sep 2010)

Why don't you post his number here so we can all tell him what we think of him!


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## Firefly (20 Sep 2010)

Chin up Becky. Perhaps a hot whiskey for that cold?


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## truthseeker (20 Sep 2010)

Sorry to hear that Becky - definitely his loss. Hope that broken heart is ok


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## micmclo (20 Sep 2010)

Awwwwwww 

Looks like there will be no big day out for us posters any time soon


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## dereko1969 (20 Sep 2010)

well you should have texted him back, in fairness he made the first move twice, asking for your number and then actually using it to text you the next day, you responded once and then left it up to him to make the first move a third time.

you're once, twice....but not three times......


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