# Au Pair Pros and Cons



## David_Dublin (2 Mar 2009)

With the cost of childcare we're looking at maybe getting an au pair when my wife goes back to work when her maternity leave is finished. Some of our friends have used them with success, I thought I might spread the net slightly wider and see if people on here had any strong feelings one way or another about using au pairs.

Our situation - We have a 3 year old, and a 5 month old. I would be gone from the house by 8.15 every morning, back by 6pm most evenings. My wife would be working 5 hours a day, monday to thursday, needing half an hour for travel to/from work. The creche our eldest is in is 5 mins from our house. The plan would be that on mon-thurs the au pair would do the creche drop off and pick up our eldest, and mind the baby in between. So au pair would be free by approx 2 or 2.30 mon-thurs, and free all day friday. At the moment the eldest is in the creche 5 days, 2 full days, 3 half days. We' prob change to 5 half days.

Not sure what else is relevant. Au pair would have their own bedroom. We only have one bathroom unfortunately, but there is ample room in the house for an additional body - its about 1700 sq feet. So has anyone got any tips, do's, dont's, advice re looking for an au pair, choosing an au pair, whether to get one or not? Thanks.


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## Thirsty (2 Mar 2009)

Au pairs tend to be fairly young and are generally inexperienced; add to that the fact that they may have less than perfect English (which is fair enough, that's why they come here after all) and are dealing with new culture, country and home & you have a lot to deal with.

I would think, with a baby that young and a 3 year old, you need an experienced child minder and not an au pair.

You could still successfully get someone to live in, but I would recommend that you up the qualifications/experience you need and increase the salary accordingly.

If you can, put a comfy chair & tv into the bedroom; a WHB is generally easy to fit and takes pressure off the main bathroom.


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## pinkyBear (2 Mar 2009)

My sil's use aupairs and over all find them excellent - however they would not leave them with an infant - as in general these are young girls (17-20)..


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## David_Dublin (2 Mar 2009)

Thanks for the replies. We would definitely not consider someone that we considered too young or inexperienced for the job. From what I have seen amongst our friends, they come with various levels of experience, age and maturity.


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## samanthajane (2 Mar 2009)

I think you would need to talk to a few aupairs and judge for yourself for the person they are and by what experience they had, not just go by their age. 

I was 18 when i had my son and 21 when i had my daughter, same age range that people have said they wouldn't leave their young children with. Now obviously i understand that this is very different to looking after your own children and someone else looking after them. And by no means am i suggesting that every 17-20 year old would be capable of looking after 3 young children, the childminder i use at the moment has just turned 17 and i trust her completly. Very mature and reliable for her age and i know i am very lucky to have her.


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## David_Dublin (3 Mar 2009)

samanthajane said:


> I think you would need to talk to a few aupairs and judge for yourself for the person they are and by what experience they had, not just go by their age.
> 
> I was 18 when i had my son and 21 when i had my daughter, same age range that people have said they wouldn't leave their young children with. Now obviously i understand that this is very different to looking after your own children and someone else looking after them. And by no means am i suggesting that every 17-20 year old would be capable of looking after 3 young children, the childminder i use at the moment has just turned 17 and i trust her completly. Very mature and reliable for her age and i know i am very lucky to have her.


I completely agree, that's what I meant when referring to different levels of maturity. I think that and the experience will be the key factor. We have a child minder who we know available until September, when the baby is 1, so we will probably use her and then re-examine using an au pair.


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## Latrade (3 Mar 2009)

Note also that there are some issues with an "employer/employee" relationship for domestic work. 

The Labour Courts have a document here:

http://www.entemp.ie/publications/employment/2007/coppersonsemployedhomes.pdf

Also there is the issue of work permits if they are migrant workers.

They have pretty much all the rights of an employee in a general work environment.


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## David_Dublin (3 Mar 2009)

Payslips for an au pair. Right.


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## Nutso (3 Mar 2009)

I don't think that the above document from entemp.ie relates to au pairs.  Au Pairs can be paid less than the minimum hourly rate as they are seen to be part of the family and the payment they get is referred to as pocket money.


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## Ruam (3 Mar 2009)

David_Dublin said:


> Payslips for an au pair. Right.



An au pair is working for a wage and is entitled to the same rights as other workers.

Ruam


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## TreeTiger (3 Mar 2009)

Ruam said:


> An au pair is working for a wage and is entitled to the same rights as other workers.


Not quite.  I suspect you may be confusing an au pair with a nanny.
From aupairireland.com who engage au pairs for families for a placement fee:


An au-pair is a young European girl whose primary purpose              in coming to Ireland is to learn English through living with you and              your family, and to experience Irish family life and culture first              hand.
In exchange for your hospitality, friendship and support              the au-pair's main responsibility is to provide childcare assistance              for up to 30 hours per week and to receive Euro 80 per week pocket-money.              Some light household duties, mainly related to the children may be              included in the 30 hours.


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## Latrade (3 Mar 2009)

Nutso said:


> I don't think that the above document from entemp.ie relates to au pairs. Au Pairs can be paid less than the minimum hourly rate as they are seen to be part of the family and the payment they get is referred to as pocket money.


 
True to an extent, but it does depend on the duties and the hours worked doing those duties. I think it is generally limited that official working conditions provide for a 5-hour day, 6-day week totalling 30 hours, plus a number of evenings babysitting. Beyond that they _may_ be considered a domestic employee.

Sorry, above got there first. I think dept employment consider them "students", again unless they work beyond those hours.


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## DavyJones (3 Mar 2009)

Sounds like you may need a nanny.  I am in the same boat as yourself, have a two children under three . I have been advised to hire a professional child carer.


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## David_Dublin (3 Mar 2009)

TreeTiger said:


> Not quite.  I suspect you may be confusing an au pair with a nanny.
> From aupairireland.com who engage au pairs for families for a placement fee:
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks for that. And there i was hiring an accountant to do up the payslips for the au pair based on Ruam's informed comments!! They are probably entitled to join a trade union too.


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## Latrade (3 Mar 2009)

David_Dublin said:


> Thanks for that. And there i was hiring an accountant to do up the payslips for the au pair based on Ruam's informed comments!! They are probably entitled to join a trade union too.


 
In fairness it was my comments that probably sparked that, but I neglected to qualify the statement with the 30hrs cut off. Though I still stand by them if you do go over this limit there could be an issue.


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## David_Dublin (3 Mar 2009)

Latrade said:


> In fairness it was my comments that probably sparked that, but I neglected to qualify the statement with the 30hrs cut off. Though I still stand by them if you do go over this limit there could be an issue.


Fair enough. I'm sure that it is in everyone's interests to make sure that we treat her well, and better than the minimum legal standards. What goes around comes around, I believe in treating people who work for me properly. We have had a foreign student stay with us before, before we had kids, and she stayed for nothing, no rent or anything, she was stuck and was a friend of a friend etc and we gave her a room for the summer. I would be confident that if we go down the au pair route that when she goes home she will have had a great life experience.


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## homebird (3 Mar 2009)

Just a quick question... what if an aupair becomes sick and has to go to hospital? Are all EU citizens entitled to hospital care here? I presume the E111 (or whatever its called nowadays) does not apply for aupairs or longstay visitors. what about non-EU citizens? Is it advisable to get a PPS number for an aupair?


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## annR (3 Mar 2009)

As you can see from the thread there are different shades of understanding what an au pair is and does.  The same is true of au pairs.  If you do get an au pair make sure that you both have the same understanding of what the situation will be, for example whether she will be more like an employee or part of the family.  Even that phrase 'part of the family' can mean different things to different people, as there are many different types of family backgrounds.  For some young au pairs, even 17 year olds, it can mean being quite independent outside of domestic duties, whereas you might think a 17 year old isn't old enough to be heading off doing her own thing in a foreign country.


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## lluvia (3 Mar 2009)

I came to Ireland as an aupair when I was 18 and I had to mind 2 kids, one was 4 months old and the other one 3 years old. They took me in when the mum was still in maternity leave so that I could get used to their routine and the mum could rest and see how things got on at the same time. We both sign up with an aupair agency in case it didn't work out but everything went really well. I had an excellent time and over ten years later we still are in contact. Most of the other aupairs I met at the time had to take care of babies and It wasn't a problem for any of them once you get used to their routine.


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## Hurling Fan (3 Mar 2009)

David_Dublin said:


> Our situation - We have a 3 year old, and a 5 month old. I would be gone from the house by 8.15 every morning, back by 6pm most evenings. My wife would be working 5 hours a day, monday to thursday, needing half an hour for travel to/from work. The creche our eldest is in is 5 mins from our house. The plan would be that on mon-thurs the au pair would do the creche drop off and pick up our eldest, and mind the baby in between. So au pair would be free by approx 2 or 2.30 mon-thurs, and free all day friday. At the moment the eldest is in the creche 5 days, 2 full days, 3 half days. We' prob change to 5 half days.
> 
> Another option might be to put the baby in the creche for the five half days and let the au pair care for the 3 year old.  This would give her a bit more freedom to get out and about and could go to the playground, swimming or join a parent and toddler group.  This might work well even for a few months.  Just another option...


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## David_Dublin (4 Mar 2009)

Thanks for the advice HurlingFan. Our preference is to have one on one care for the younger one, and to have the older one socialising/learning with his own age. Money might dictate that we may have to change our preferences somewhat, at the moment if we have this approach my wife will only come out with about €400 per month after childcare expenses. Not ideal, but at least we would not be in the red.


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## David_Dublin (4 Mar 2009)

lluvia said:


> I came to Ireland as an aupair when I was 18 and I had to mind 2 kids, one was 4 months old and the other one 3 years old. They took me in when the mum was still in maternity leave so that I could get used to their routine and the mum could rest and see how things got on at the same time. We both sign up with an aupair agency in case it didn't work out but everything went really well. I had an excellent time and over ten years later we still are in contact. Most of the other aupairs I met at the time had to take care of babies and It wasn't a problem for any of them once you get used to their routine.


That's great feedback to hear lluvia, thanks for posting. I think it is imperative that an agency is used so both parties have someone experienced in this type of situation, as far as I know a lot of them would set out exactly what is and is not expected by and of both parties. This is exactly what we would insist on so that there is no confusion.


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## Henny Penny (4 Mar 2009)

Hi. Speaking as a former au pair and as a parent who has employed an aupair I will offer the following advice.
1. Au pair agencies IMHO are not really necessary. I think you would do a far better job selecting your own au pair rather than letting an agency do it for you. Often you think you are getting extra reassurance by using a third party but this is not always the case. You must vet the au pair yourself and be absolutely sure she/he is right for your family.
2. Try to get someone older than school leaving age - there are many counties where childcare is a highly regarded career and students are required to study for 4 years at university level ... try scandanavian countries or nz. A student who has recently completed his/her degree and is looking for a year abroad is ideal.
3. Bear in mind that you will be sharing your home with this person. They will be around all the time - it is their home too. Although you may not need the au pair to work long hours, they will be under your feet a lot of the time - you need to be prepared for that.
4. Beware of the "au pair factor" ... having another woman in the house (especially a young pretty woman) has an effect on the dynamic of your household. 
Good luck, an au pair can be a really good experience for your family - a foreign person can be a learning experience for all.


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## David_Dublin (4 Mar 2009)

Thanks Henny Penny, good advice. Any advice re where to go looking (or where not to go looking) if we did not use an agency.

Re having a young pretty one - may be hard to avoid getting a young one, but we'll certainly try to avoid getting a pretty one, it would make things so much less complicated.


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## Shei (4 Mar 2009)

You will be like Lynette in Desperate Housewives: "We're looking for somebody experienced and preferably unattractive."


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## Henny Penny (4 Mar 2009)

We've used this website to get a lovely aupair - (no affiliation)

http://www.aupairworld.net/


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## David_Dublin (4 Mar 2009)

Cool, ta HP! 

Lynette? Which one is she - I hope she is the cute little hispanic one, if I am to be compared to a woman I may as well be one that I find attractive. Now that is the kind of au pair we definitely do not need around!!


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## corkgal (4 Mar 2009)

I'd worry about the children learning to speak when one of their main care givers has broken English.
Would it not be a problem for their language development?


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## Shei (4 Mar 2009)

I have a theory that an attractive woman is less likely to be open to an affair with a married man, due to better options being available, so maybe the prettier the better?


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## David_Dublin (4 Mar 2009)

Shei said:


> I have a theory that an attractive woman is less likely to be open to an affair with a married man, due to better options being available, so maybe the prettier the better?



Nice theory! I tell you what, let me PM you my wifes number and I'll let you and her discuss it. 

Whatever about affairs, it would have to be a distraction having a very pretty woman around, or a second one I should say!

Re broken English, I heard a true story the other day of a mother who brought her two and a half year old for lots of tests because he was not acquiring language at all well. It turned out he and his philippino nanny were chatting away in phillippino all day when the parents were out!!

I'd love my little fellas to pick up another language, it would do them no harm, not worried about them hearing some broken english, assuming that the au pairs primary language is not english that is.


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## samanthajane (4 Mar 2009)

David_Dublin said:


> Cool, ta HP!
> 
> Lynette? Which one is she - I hope she is the cute little hispanic one, if I am to be compared to a woman I may as well be one that I find attractive. Now that is the kind of au pair we definitely do not need around!!


 
Ha ha not a fan of derperate housewives then.

Lynette is the blonde one with 4 kids. Married to tom run the pizza restaurant together.

The one your talking about is gabby (eva longoria parker)


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## lluvia (8 Mar 2009)

No problem david dublin, the agency I used is in lesson street, www.linguaviva.com , you are not assigned to a particular au pair. You get to go through a lot of files of au pairs that are available when you need them and you get to choose from the lot. I know this because before I left the family I went with them to help choosing the next PRETTY one. 
In their case it wasn't much of a problem if they were pretty or not as the man wasn't particularly very attractive..


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## Ancutza (8 Mar 2009)

My sister had an au pair to look after her first-born from the time he was a year old until he was 3.

She had several au pairs, all of them spanish, all of them great girls and all still in touch 15 years later.  

It was an excellent experience for all involved and my nephew learned to understand spanish but he refused to speak it for reasons known only to himself.

I would not worry about the kid having problems and learning to speak poor english due to being with a non-native english speaker all day.  Do you really think these kids (the au pairs I mean) will continue to speak to your children in english when your away?  Of course they won't! They'll just revert to their native language and your children will soon learn to understand.

You are probably better to get successive au pairs of the same nationality for your children to get the most out of it.  That way they will get a good grounding in a foriegn language over a period of time.


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## David_Dublin (8 Mar 2009)

that's really good advice Ancutza. Thanks all for the advice. I think come September we will try to get an au pair so, nothing I have read here or heard talking with friends has dissuaded me.


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## nesbitt (9 Mar 2009)

If you are organising an au pair it would be essential to thoroughly check all references.  Validate by writing to and also a follow up telephone call.  Vital IMHO.


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