# 'Getting engaged'?



## liaconn (1 Aug 2011)

I can never understand when someone tells me they're 'getting engaged' at Christmas, on holidays or whatever. Surely you're either engaged or you're not?

Also, people who get engaged and then say they've 'no plans' to get married they just want to enjoy being engaged. 

Surely being engaged means you have decided to get married so how can you plan to get engaged and then, when you're engaged, not be planning to get married?

Anyway,  I'm not 'planning to get engaged' or anything, just curious.


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## JP1234 (1 Aug 2011)

I think some people just get caught up the romantic idea of it. I don't actually understand the point of being engaged nowadays, though I think in the past it was a time for people to start saving for a house and belongings ahead of getting married.

We never were engaged, decided to get married 6 weeks before the day, never told anyone except 3 close friends and we still haven't got round to telling our families that we are actually married


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## Pique318 (1 Aug 2011)

JP1234 said:


> we still haven't got round to telling our families that we are actually married


What, there was never the right time ?

What will you do when someone eventually asks you if you're going to get married?
"Oh didn't we tell you, we got married years ago!" 

lol...how long are you actually married, out of curiousity ?


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## JP1234 (1 Aug 2011)

I think I might have told some of my family years ago but they either forgot or just didn't care. The problem is my husband's mother who would be outraged that we didn't have a church wedding....

We are married 11 years, together for 20.

I suppose it is just hard to announce out of the blue "by the way we got married 11 years ago".  If anyone asked I would answer honestly though. I think we might wait until we hit the 20 year milestone then make a formal announcement. 

I wear a wedding ring which I forget to take off so I am surprised none of them have ever asked.

There were good reasons why we didn't want a formal family wedding I should point out....


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## JP1234 (1 Aug 2011)

Getting back On Topic...My sister has recently announced she is engaged to her current partner, even though she is still married to another man (though separated  for 2 years they have not started divorce proceedings)  is this possible?  I know being engaged has no legal standing but how can you be engaged to one while married to another?!


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## becky (2 Aug 2011)

I don't get the we're engaged /  getting engaged at all, but then I don't get the whole wedding stuff either. 

I know a girl who had the ring for 4 weeks because she wanted to find the right time to announce it ie. make sure there was nothing else to distract from her announcement.

My friend is a Civil Registrar and is often asked by couples how to hide the fact they are married already so they can have a church wedding.


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## salaried (2 Aug 2011)

Baffled by the whole engagement thing myself, We were at an engagement party last month, Easily over 200 people there and the guy complained that they mostly recieved presents rather than cash, Never stopped to think of the expense we had already with buying a present, 40 euro on taxis and spending money on the night. We were at a friends party 8 years ago and after a few drinks he told me he would never get married, Her response was , Marry him , You must be joking. Needless to say both nights were  laughable and I do not take engagements seriously. If people announce their plans to marry then good luck to them but why have a party , A meal or a few drinks with parents and close family is enough.


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## liaconn (2 Aug 2011)

A lot of people seem to see being engaged as an end in itself. Look at how many celebrities get engaged after about three months, split up a couple of months later and get engaged to someone else a year later and then split up.....  Its ridiculous and has kind of made a nonsense of the whole point of being engaged. Also, a lot of engagements seem to go on forever now and by the time the couple finally make it up the aisle people have nearly lost interest.


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## DB74 (2 Aug 2011)

I wouldn't be using celebrities as any sort of benchmark as regards relationships (or anything else for that matter)


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## purpeller (3 Aug 2011)

Completely, agree it's total nonsense to be "getting engaged".  If you have plans to marry, then you are already engaged.


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## Brendan Burgess (3 Aug 2011)

A woman wrote to Frankie Byrne to say that she had been engaged for 6 years and her fiancé had never once mentioned marriage. Frankie said that it was an "Irish engagement". He wasn't agreeing to marry her as such, he was just agreeing not to marry anyone else.


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## Ciaraella (4 Aug 2011)

I don't really understand long engagements either, surely the engagement means you are planning on getting married in the near future?
I said to my now husband that i had no wish to get engaged until we could get married within a year or so of the engagement, otherwise it's a bit mortifying when people ask you have you set a date.


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## DB74 (4 Aug 2011)

Ciaraella said:


> I don't really understand long engagements either, surely the engagement means you are planning on getting married in the near future?
> I said to my now husband that i had no wish to get engaged until we could get married within a year or so of the engagement, otherwise it's a bit mortifying when people ask you have you set a date.



But is that not the OP's original point, either you are planning on getting married in the future (in which case you ARE engaged) or you are not (in which case you are NOT engaged)

The date of purchase of the ring shouldn't come into it


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## Mongola (8 Aug 2011)

Interesting discussion going on there! I don't understand myself people who do get engaged and have no intention/plans of getting married. It is very bizarre. 
I am, myself, engaged since October last year and while it was not a scene out of a movie, it was a simple but meaningful love declaration from my partner. 
We have a date picked for summer 2012. Yes, 2012: we are financing the wedding ourselves and are saving for it! We also wanted to enjoy this period which is for a couple quite exciting. 
I take marriage very seriously and unless you are planning to go through with it: don't get engaged. And teh idea of having an engagement party is...beyond me! We had a few drinks the week after with a few friends in a pub: was not even for us, it was just a normal night out.


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