# What besides toilet paper would you bring to a desert island?



## S.L.F (3 Apr 2009)

If you were to be stranded on a desert island by your lonesome for a couple of years with all the basis necessities needed to live and had the option to bring 2 things with you to make life bearable.

No electricity on the island for those of you who want to bring your laptops.

What would you bring?

I'd pick all my paper work from the last year because it would be the only chance I'd have to do it.

The book Robinson Crusoe


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## Lex Foutish (3 Apr 2009)

A Titleist Pro V1 golf ball and a sand wedge.


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## Pique318 (3 Apr 2009)

A RIB, and a fully fuelled outboard motor

Seriously though....good question !

A (yet to be decided) book collection...(does that count as one thing?)
&
A companion....(no wives/girlfriends allowed? I'd bring my pet dogs)


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## S.L.F (4 Apr 2009)

Lex Foutish said:


> A Titleist Pro V1 golf ball and a sand wedge.


 
There are lots of trees on the island.

Big wide leafy 100 foot trees.


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## Lex Foutish (4 Apr 2009)

S.L.F said:


> There are lots of trees on the island 100 foot trees.


 
Maybe I should take my *tree wood* instead of the sand wedge so!


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## S.L.F (4 Apr 2009)

Pique318 said:


> A RIB, and a fully fuelled outboard motor


 
I'm not sure if the shark infested waters would deter you from getting into the sea or not but be my guest...



Pique318 said:


> A (yet to be decided) book collection...(does that count as one thing?)


 
1 book



Pique318 said:


> A companion....(no wives/girlfriends allowed? I'd bring my pet dogs)


 
1 girlfriend, 1 wife or 1 dog

I know there are people who will say how can I compare women with dogs but you know women deserve a chance to shine too you know............

* Cue S.L.F being picked up by Mrs. S.L.F and thrown out the door*


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## S.L.F (4 Apr 2009)

Lex Foutish said:


> Maybe I should take my *tree wood* instead of the sand wedge so!


 
Maybe you should say a chain saw with petrol (2 items)

An axe and your golf club but no ball.

Tough break


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## Lex Foutish (4 Apr 2009)

S.L.F said:


> Maybe you should say a chain saw with petrol (2 items)
> 
> An axe and your golf club but no ball.
> 
> Tough break


 
Naw, I could never do that. I'm a bit of a tree-hugger myself. 

We're fairly well used to self-suffiency here in The Republic of Cork so life shouldn't be too bad on the island.

Maybe I'd take a copy of Cork's Greatest Sporting Triumphs - that would take years to read. 

I'll have to think about item No. 2. How long have I got to decide?


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## S.L.F (4 Apr 2009)

Lex Foutish said:


> We're fairly well used to self-suffiency here in The Republic of Cork so life shouldn't be too bad on the island.


 
Yes it is quite primative down there...



Lex Foutish said:


> Maybe I'd take a copy of Cork's Greatest Sporting Triumphs - that would take years to read.


 
They have had years to write it and are still on the first page...

So you probably are better off with a history of Dublins greatest sporting achievements...



Lex Foutish said:


> I'll have to think about item No. 2. How long have I got to decide?


 
Too late your boat has already docked.

You get a broken golf club (sorry someone sat on it)...


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## S.L.F (4 Apr 2009)

Pique318 said:


> A RIB, and a fully fuelled outboard motor


 
Sorry Pique, did I not mention the razor sharp coral reef?


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## Ancutza (4 Apr 2009)

A fishing rod, obviously.  Can't just lie around with the 'Bounty' girl (remember her?) stuffing your face with chocolate all day!


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## ophelia (4 Apr 2009)

One of these might be helpful   

a sketchpad and pencil (does that count as one),
and just to be sure I'd bring along Ray Mears.


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## S.L.F (4 Apr 2009)

ophelia said:


> One of these might be helpful
> 
> a sketchpad and pencil (does that count as one),
> and just to be sure I'd bring along Ray Mears.


 
I suppose in the interests of fairness you have elected to bring

1 bushcraft Tools/SPOT-Satellite-Messenger

1 sketchpad

1 pencil

1 person Ray Mears

Since I'm the OP in this case I've decided to allow you to bring a pencil and the brushcraft tool.

Batteries are extra.


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## S.L.F (4 Apr 2009)

Ancutza said:


> A fishing rod, obviously. Can't just lie around with the 'Bounty' girl (remember her?) stuffing your face with chocolate all day!


 
Good choice Antcutza

You can bring the fishing rod and the chocolate...

The bounty girl has to lose all that weight she gained when on that island before she can fit back into the boat.


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## Lex Foutish (4 Apr 2009)

Why are you being so nice to Ancutza and Ophelia? Are they Dubs too? 

And look what happened to the Bounty Girl the last time she was there.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QAXRj-fSS4&NR=1


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## ophelia (4 Apr 2009)

Well if I can't have the sketchpad *and* the pencil then just give me some chalk instead and I can do some cave paintings and become famous in centuries to come. Then why can't I have Ray Mears and the bushcraft tool - if it came to a choice though I'd prefer Ray Mears.


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## Bubbly Scot (4 Apr 2009)

I'd bring my bagpipes, a couple of years with nothing else to do and I'd be playing much better than I am at the mo.

If I could bring someone it would be that Bear Grylls (sp) guy.


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## Ancutza (4 Apr 2009)

> Are they Dubs too?


 
Wicklow man myself, thanks!

Are you seriously suggesting that the 'Bounty' girl has CRABS!!


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## Smashbox (4 Apr 2009)

My private helicopter to escape the sharks and sharp reef

A crate of alcohol to enjoy before I take flight


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## Smashbox (4 Apr 2009)

Ancutza said:


> Are you seriously suggesting that the 'Bounty' girl has CRABS!!


 
Did SLF give them to her?!


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## MOB (4 Apr 2009)

"A Titleist Pro V1 golf ball and a sand wedge."

reminded me of an oldie, but a goodie.  (Better in oral telling):

One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. 

"It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself. 

As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. 

Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. 

She approaches the stunned guy and says to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" 

Ten years ," replies the stunned man. 

With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. 

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh Man! Is that good!" 

"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him. 

Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." 

She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. 

He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's absolutely fantastic!" 

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively and asks, 

"And how long has it been since you've played around?" 

With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, sweet This post will be deleted if not edited immediately! 

Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too?"


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## Smashbox (4 Apr 2009)

Men


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## Ancutza (4 Apr 2009)

Ah sure you could just leave me there with the 'Bounty' girl, crabs and all.  Eventually I'd find time to use the rod (the fishing one that is!) and we'd life happily ever after!

Don't tell my wife though.  Just she looks better in a bikini is no reason for following me around telling me off!


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## S.L.F (4 Apr 2009)

Bubbly Scot said:


> I'd bring my bagpipes, a couple of years with nothing else to do and I'd be playing much better than I am at the mo.
> 
> If I could bring someone it would be that Bear Grylls (sp) guy.


 
Are you sure Bear Grylls is the man you want on this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuB3kr3ckYE&feature=related

The first one isn't too bad but oh boy the second one well...Yeck


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## S.L.F (4 Apr 2009)

Smashbox said:


> My private helicopter to escape the sharks and sharp reef
> 
> A crate of alcohol to enjoy before I take flight


 
You can have 1 bottle of beer.

But you can have as much drink as you like from Bear

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vlEavUH9ng


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## Smashbox (4 Apr 2009)

Thats nasty. I would only have one cos I'd be drivin!


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## S.L.F (4 Apr 2009)

Smashbox said:


> Thats nasty. I would only have one cos I'd be drivin!


 
1 lump or 1 pint


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## Caveat (4 Apr 2009)

What would I bring?  My guitar, no question.


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## sandrat (4 Apr 2009)

Caveat said:


> What would I bring? My guitar, no question.


 
i bet S.L.F counts the strings as extra


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## Bubbly Scot (4 Apr 2009)

S.L.F said:


> Are you sure Bear Grylls is the man you want on this.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuB3kr3ckYE&feature=related
> 
> The first one isn't too bad but oh boy the second one well...Yeck



OMG!! I nearly threw up!!


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## Lex Foutish (4 Apr 2009)

Just thought I'd send ye a progress report on my first day on S.L.F.'s island. 

When I arrived, I couldn't find the copy of Dublin's Greatest Sporting Achievements which S.L.F. said he'd leave for me. I wonder why? He probably knows I don't read fiction, anyway.  Wasn't I delighted that I'd smuggled in copies of the Evening Echo and the Southern Star when S.L.F. wasn't monitoring the situation. 

The shaft of the sand wedge was beyond repair (after S.L.F.'s buddy had "accidently" broken it but I found Ancutza's fishing rod and it doubled very well as a new shaft. A bit whippy at first but fine now that I'm used to it. (And Anctuza, I'm delighted you're not a Dub like S.L.F! You've gone away up in my estimation. ) 

Not having a golf ball isn't a problem either. I stumbled upon a large pile of hardened droppings of the rare Roundy Poundy Bird (a Pacific Island bird, famous for the perfect roundness of its aforementioned droppings), and I was away for slate. The balls perform more like Dunlop titaniums than Pro V1's, however, and would definitely be more suited to putting on slow greens!

As S.L.F. had promised, the basic necessities are here but, what he didn't tell me is that, because I'm the only person on the Island, everything comes from vending machines. And I can't get over the prices! Mars bars €4! Taytos €3! Cans of Beamish €7.50! Crab meat flavoured Bounty Bars €6! Where is Smashbox when I need her?

No sign of MOB's woman yet (with the rest of the golf clubs ) and I'm continuing to look for Caveat's guitar. I'm having problems trying to nod off tonight and, if I could find the guitar, maybe I could sing myself to sleep. 

The reason I can't sleep is that my conscience is picking me because.......well......I think this might be cheating.......... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBzVroza2co .......................................


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## NorthDrum (4 Apr 2009)

Rule number 1 of being stranded on a desert Island is that you have, at the very least, a football called Wilson . . . Tom Hanks thought me that . . .


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## Purple (5 Apr 2009)

Lex Foutish said:


> Cans of Beamish €7.50!



Wow, stuck on a desert Island with only that Guinness knock-off rubbish to drink!

BTW, if you can't sleep just read your book on Cork sporting achievements; all that moaning about how hard done by "ye" all are and how it's all the fault of Dublin people would put anyone to sleep.


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## DavyJones (5 Apr 2009)

Caveat said:


> What would I bring?  My guitar, no question.



Me too(plenty of time to practice) and my surf board.


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## S.L.F (5 Apr 2009)

Lex Foutish said:


> Just thought I'd send ye a progress report on my first day on S.L.F.'s island.
> 
> When I arrived, I couldn't find the copy of Dublin's Greatest Sporting Achievements which S.L.F. said he'd leave for me. I wonder why? He probably knows I don't read fiction, anyway.  Wasn't I delighted that I'd smuggled in copies of the Evening Echo and the Southern Star when S.L.F. wasn't monitoring the situation.
> 
> ...


 
The reason you can't find anything is because you are on the wrong end of the island.

The contents of those vending machines are all out of date by 20 years.

That woman has come to the right end of the island.

Since you don't have any toilet paper thank god you have the newspapers eh!

When the red ants come out the best thing to do is jump in the sea and hope the sharks aren't around.

All is not lost I have a man who is utterly dependable he knows how to get to the south end of the island and he is the only man who has ever survived the trip, he will go throught old hidden tunnels and through the old snake pits.

He will get you to the right side of the island you can depend on that.

As soon as I see him he'll be put straight on it.

He should be back from his holidays in about 4 weeks.


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## S.L.F (5 Apr 2009)

DavyJones said:


> Me too(plenty of time to practice) and my surf board.


 
You can't bring clothes and a surf board and a guitar.


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## DavyJones (5 Apr 2009)

S.L.F said:


> You can't bring clothes and a surf board and a guitar.




Fair enough, be warned there is a naked surfing guitar playing hippie on the island


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## S.L.F (5 Apr 2009)

DavyJones said:


> Fair enough, be warned there is a naked surfing guitar playing hippie on the island


 
I've decided to be reasonable because you are a nice guy.

You can bring 1 string.


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## DavyJones (5 Apr 2009)

G string or Guitar string?


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## sandrat (5 Apr 2009)

NorthDrum said:


> Rule number 1 of being stranded on a desert Island is that you have, at the very least, a football called Wilson . . . Tom Hanks thought me that . . .


 
it was a volleyball


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## UptheDeise (5 Apr 2009)

You have to bring a book and then read some of the book out loud every day. Why? Because if you have no one to speak too, you would lose the ability to speak and understand english.


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## sandrat (5 Apr 2009)

if I bring an irish book will i improve my ability to speak and understand irish? peig?


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## UptheDeise (5 Apr 2009)

If you already can speak and understand Irish then yes bring Peig. In fact, read a page in Irish and translate it in english and write it down reading it aloud in the sand.


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## sandrat (5 Apr 2009)

bit depressing though


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## S.L.F (5 Apr 2009)

ophelia said:


> and just to be sure I'd bring along Ray Mears.


 
Ray Mears you asked for and Ray Mears you shall get.

He's on the boat waiting for you.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=97954723


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## NorthDrum (5 Apr 2009)

sandrat said:


> it was a volleyball


 
I stand corrected . .


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## S.L.F (5 Apr 2009)

UptheDeise said:


> you would lose the ability to speak and understand english.


 
Sounds like the last time I met Lex, 4 hours in his company and the power of English had vanished and we only had a couple *ahem* of pints.


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## Smashbox (5 Apr 2009)

S.L.F said:


> 1 lump or 1 pint


 
That is nasty

I think I win because I have brought the best things so far.


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## S.L.F (5 Apr 2009)

Smashbox said:


> I think I win because I have brought the best things so far.


 
Not quite!

Because first you asked for a helicopter and a crate of beer which I would have been happy to let you have then you changed your mind and asked for men.



Smashbox said:


> My private helicopter to escape the sharks and sharp reef
> 
> A crate of alcohol to enjoy before I take flight


 


Smashbox said:


> Men


 
Since you didn't specify which men I asked around and only 2 men were available they both seemed very keen to met you once I told them they'd be alone with you for 3 years with a crate of beer.

http://studentofeverything.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/smljack2.jpg

[broken link removed]


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## Smashbox (5 Apr 2009)

Jeez.. thanks SLF.. don't lie, you wouldnt want me with anyone else!


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## Lex Foutish (5 Apr 2009)

Day two on S.L.F. Island began, as most days in Paradise do, with sunshine and a light breakfast of fresh pineapple, coconut and two cans of Beamish. (S.L.F. never put any Barry's tea bags in the vending machine) 

Once I realised that all the action was at the other end of the island, I set off on foot with a puppy I'd befriended the previous night when he turned up out of the blue as I roasted the wild pig I'd hunted and killed earlier. I've decided to call him Christy Ring. (CúLex didn't quite have a ring to it).

We found the 100 ft high rapid growing trees that S.L.F. had planted the previous week to be impenetrable so we had to resort to another plan. We returned to base camp to plan strategy and Christy began digging in the sand for what I presumed was a bone he had buried earlier. Imagine my delight when his digging revealed, not a bone, but Caveat's guitar, Bubbly Scot's bagpipes and Davy Jones's surf board!! And a king size board into the bargain!

Having been a wanna be boy scout in my youth, I placed Christy and the bagpipes on the front of the surfboard, hopped aboard behind him and, using Caveat's guitar as an paddle, we struck off for the other side of the island. Sorry, Cav., but desperate situations and all that!  

The shark infested waters were exactly that. However, we calmly negociated our way from the shore and headed for open waters. From there we had a view of the whole island, which was bigger than I had expected. After about an hour of paddling, storm clouds appeared on the horizon and we immediately made for land. We made shore about half way to the other side of the island. Having pulled the surf board above the high tide mark, Christy and myself began exploring our new surroundings. In no time at all we stumbled upon a recently constructed hut which appeared to be made of basic materials. It had a straw roof and.......sash windows......!!! 

My loyal and trusted Christy ran inside and ascertained that no nasty surprises awaited us in there. There was a table, 3 chairs and a cupboard. Inside the cupboard I found a book with no cover and a can of draught Guinness. (A Purpellian trap, I wondered?) Not having been able to carry provisions on Davy's surf board, and being very thirsty from my exertions, I cracked open the can and drank from it. As soon as I did, however, I found myself spitting it out again because it tasted like....well.....Guinness! Yuck! Christy wouldnt touch it either.

The book with no cover began......"Seanbhean is ea mé anois atá cos léi san uaig is an cos eile ar a bhruach." My blood ran cold! Up the Déise and SandraT are in on this, I thought! Are they in league with S.L.F. or are they on my side and do they want to make sure that I don't end up like the guy 3 minutes and 30 seconds into this......... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5TV_pdVtWc ??????????????


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## S.L.F (5 Apr 2009)

Lex Foutish said:


> Day two on S.L.F. Island began, as most days in Paradise do, with sunshine and a light breakfast of fresh pineapple, coconut and two cans of Beamish. (S.L.F. never put any Barry's tea bags in the vending machine)
> 
> Once I realised that all the action was at the other end of the island, I set off on foot with a puppy I'd befriended the previous night when he turned up out of the blue as I roasted the wild pig I'd hunted and killed earlier. I've decided to call him Christy Ring. (CúLex didn't quite have a ring to it).
> 
> ...


 
Good god you don't half talk do you!

Its no wonder your wife sent you to live on an island.

Anyway I don't believe you are on the island because you wouldn't be able to post on AAM if you really were on the island.....or maybe........you have your phone with you or you are throwing written records out on the bay and someone is posting them for you.

I must set up sweeping patrols to scour the island of any people who should not be there.

When you killed that pig was it very dark because I'm missing a dog its a fat bulldog, if you see it let me know there's a good chap.

That man I was telling you about he came back early and has made it to your end of the island he doesn't need to comeback the same way because he has left a small boat buried in the sand with a dried octopus and an urn shaped like a musical instrument.

He sure is taking his time getting back here!


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## sandrat (6 Apr 2009)

guys i think you fellas could do with getting some


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## Smashbox (6 Apr 2009)

Have to agree there San.. maybe you two should get yourself your own island..


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## sandrat (6 Apr 2009)

who lex and slf?


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## Smashbox (6 Apr 2009)

Yeah!


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## S.L.F (6 Apr 2009)

I'm starting to come around to this way of thinking!

Me, Lex and a container full of Beamish.

Now if I can just find my dog we'll be off.


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## Purple (6 Apr 2009)

S.L.F said:


> I'm starting to come around to this way of thinking!
> 
> Me, Lex and a container full of Beamish.



Bad mental picture there S.L.F.


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## sandrat (6 Apr 2009)

Purple said:


> Bad mental picture there S.L.F.


 
like mud wrestling only with beamish?


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## Welfarite (6 Apr 2009)

1. Box of matches
2. Pair of rabbits
3. Joyces' Ulysses


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## S.L.F (6 Apr 2009)

Purple said:


> Bad mental picture there S.L.F.


 
What's so bad about a lorry load of beer?



Welfarite said:


> 1. Box of matches
> 2. Pair of rabbits
> 3. Joyces' Ulysses


 
You can bring 1 match and the book.

Rabbits huh!!!

What do you want to bring rabbits to the island for?


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## S.L.F (6 Apr 2009)

Smashbox said:


> Jeez.. thanks SLF.. don't lie, you wouldnt want me with anyone else!


 
Don't lie tough one...


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## Smashbox (6 Apr 2009)

You and Lex will be wrestling in a vat of beamish.. will you both be naked?!


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## S.L.F (6 Apr 2009)

Smashbox said:


> You and Lex will be wrestling in a vat of beamish.. will you both be naked?!


 
Yes

We'll be fighting over DaveyJones g-string.

Whoever loses has to wear it...


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## Lex Foutish (6 Apr 2009)

Day 3 in Paradise. A rather boring day, really. It was good to be able to spend the night with a roof over our heads as the tropical storm raged outside but the rattling of the sash windows had poor Christy Ring howling all through the night! I tuned into the BBC's World Service to hear the morning news. I have a long wave radio which Bubbly Scot smuggled to us in his bag pipes, along with the e-transmitter I'm using to post this message and one or two other very useful items also. Nothing much in the news really except the bit about Brian Kerr's new job and something about Smashbox and SandraT not fancying S.L.F anymore. Women! Such fickle creatures!  

With no Beamish to drink, I gathered a few coconuts that were blown off their trees in the storm, while pondering what we'd have to eat for breakfast. Suddenly, Christy and myself were startled by what seemed like a pride of lions attacking a zebra in the forest nearby. On investigation, we discovered S.L.F.'s missing dog being savaged by Welfarite's two rabbits! Being the brave Cork dog that he now was, Christy went for the rabbits in a fashion that the great Cúchulainn would have been proud of and, in no time at all, the main course for breakfast was taken care of! 

S.L.F.'s dog, resembling a cross breed terrier more than a boxer, was badly traumatised, both by the attack by the two vicious rabbits and by being rescued by a dog wearing a Cork jersey! I tried to lead him back to the hut but to no avail. If only I had a dog lead, I thought, I could.... Of course! Davy Jones's G-string! In no time at all, all three of us were back at base tucking into barbequed rabbit, the tin of Ambrosia cream rice that Bubbly had smuggled to us and coconut milk.

This area of the island was devoid of the large trees that S.L.F. had tried to obstruct our progress with and soon, myself and my two canine companions were on our way towards the happening side of the island. Progress was slower than we would have hoped for as S.L.F.'s still traumatised dog walked around in circles in a vain attempt to bite his own tail. As he did so, he emitted a weak and hoarse kind of whimper and, with this in mind, I decided to name him Jake, in honour of a good friend of S.L.F.'s! 

By 6 o'clock (judging by the angle of the sun in the sky), we decided to stop for the night. We were now in a wide clearing and, in the centre, was a large, white 20 ft letter H inside a larger white circle and, carved on the bark of a nearby tree was.."Smashbox was here! And I haven't gone away, you know!" 

Confused, we settled down to sleep. In no time at all, Christy was out for the count. The same could not be said about Jake, however. As he lay shivering on the ground, with his eyes closed, it appeared to me that the poor creature had something terrible on his mind........ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcxKIJTb3Hg


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## S.L.F (7 Apr 2009)

As you are no doubt aware I'm an experienced window restorer, my windows don't rattle.

It's not surprising my dog was moaning all night because it was not the windows rattling it was snakes.


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## Welfarite (7 Apr 2009)

S.L.F said:


> What's so bad about a lorry load of beer?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 
Why one match when you've made concessions to others?!? Oh ok so, The one match I'd bring would be myself and Halle Berry....

Rabbits to breed like rabbits so I wouldn't starve.....


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## Smashbox (7 Apr 2009)

> something about Smashbox and SandraT not fancying S.L.F anymore


We never really did, it was all a plan to get our windows done 



> carved on the bark of a nearby tree was.."Smashbox was here! And I haven't gone away, you know!"


I can be kinda stalkerish sometimes... sorry!


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## sandrat (7 Apr 2009)

Smashbox said:


> We never really did, it was all a plan to get our windows done


 
I don't even have sash windows unless "getting our windows done" is what the kids are calling something these days I dunno what you're on about



Smashbox said:


> I can be kinda stalkerish sometimes... sorry!


 
kinda?


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## Smashbox (7 Apr 2009)

I dont have sash windows either...

And yeah, just kinda..


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## Lex Foutish (7 Apr 2009)

Christy Ring and myself have decided that, regardless of whatever happens , by hook or by crook, we're getting off the island today. I'm on my second day without a pint of Beamish and, while I've read "Peig" aloud twice over the last few days, I've missed the opportunity to be able to converse about doom, gloom, health levies, income levies, increased C.G.T., cross-border shopping, G.D.P, public service workers as enemies of the state, bank bail-outs, recession, depression, budget defecits, I.M.F., S.L.F. and the new Cork Hurling Management Team! This morning's breakfast, in keeping with events in the Motherland today, was a frugal one of berries, nuts and the last can of Spam from Bubbly's bag pipes. With no coconut trees in the vicinity, we were forced to drink nectar from the abundant flowers. As sweet as honey but could never come close to Beamish! 

Jake had chewed Davy Jones's G-string to pieces during the night but, luckily, was sufficiently well to walk with us without having to be dragged along. Towards night fall, we reached our destination. What a let down! The village consisted of a few mud huts, a run down looking pub and what resembled the Community Hall in Killinaskully. 

A neon sign flashed on and off over the door of the pub with the inviting slogan- *"Beamish - The Beer*_ *of Beers."*_ As we walked towards it, I noticed a large poster advertising a concert to be held in the Community Hall tonight, starring S.L.F. with special guest, Smashbox, and with a supporting cast of Caveat, Davy Jones, Welfarite, SandraT (in deep disguise), Ancutza, Ophelia, Pique318, MOB, NorthDrum, UptheDéise, and Purple on piano. It was due to start at 9pm. I checked the sundial in the village square. Five minutes to the start of the concert. Great, I thought. Time for one quick pint. 

The barman, a tall imposing Scotsman, spoke with a sorrowful look on his face. "All my Beamish is sold out, Big Mon! Tonight's artist's were in for a wee dram earlier and they drank my hoose dry! That Purple guy, the piano player! Aye! Couldn't get enough of the Beamish! Finished the keg on his own, he did! Dunno how he'll play a note tonight"

Dejected, we left the pub without replying to the Scotsman. In our haste, we mistakenly left through the back door but, to our delight, right in front of us was Smashbox's helicopter! 

A quick examination revealed keys in the ignition and a full tank of fuel. Good Old Smasher, I thought! Always prepared for a quick getaway! Having strapped Christy and Jake into their bucket seats, I started the engine and prepared for departure. It was exactly 9pm. The concert was about to begin and nobody would hear us taking off. Maybe I should take one peep in the door before I departed, I thought. Just one quick peep...... 

What I saw and heard amazed me! What Smashbox heard horrified her! The supporting cast couldn't believe their ears! 

As we lifted off into the night sky, I couldn't help chuckling to myself. S.L.F. would never be able to look me in the eye again......................... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpxQp3Hy5nk


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## peelaaa (7 Apr 2009)

Cowan and his bunch of muppets and I'd leave them there.


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## sandrat (7 Apr 2009)

what disguise?


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## Lex Foutish (7 Apr 2009)

sandrat said:


> what disguise?


 
The Scottish barman told me you were painting on a moustache and going to pass yourself off as John Cleese. The moustache was painted on....... wasn't it.......?


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## sandrat (7 Apr 2009)

stuck on


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## Lex Foutish (7 Apr 2009)

sandrat said:


> stuck on


 
Phew! Glad to know that. For an awful moment............................!


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## S.L.F (8 Apr 2009)

peelaaa said:


> Cowan and his bunch of muppets and I'd leave them there.



peelaaa you know the rules you can only bring 2 things with you to the island.

You can bring the dail and the Seanad.


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## Smashbox (8 Apr 2009)

As imaginative as ever Lex.. I do love this island. Will ya come back for me?

Don't mind the others..


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## Lex Foutish (8 Apr 2009)

Smashbox said:


> As imaginative as ever Lex.. I do love this island. Will ya come back for me?
> 
> Don't mind the others..


 
Oh Smash, I love it when you beg! 

Of course I'll be back for you. After yesterday's budget, your country needs you!!!!!!!!!


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## Smashbox (8 Apr 2009)

I'm glad somebody does!


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## Ron Burgundy (8 Apr 2009)

Baxter


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## Smashbox (8 Apr 2009)

Ron, I wonder how many people actually know who Baxter is?!


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## S.L.F (12 Apr 2009)

I found a smilie for my Island

I don't know if it will work or not but it's worth a try.


Guess not!!!


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## sandrat (12 Apr 2009)

I just had a horrible thought about the toilet paper on this island, is it turned in or out?


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## S.L.F (12 Apr 2009)

Turned out!!!


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## juke (12 Apr 2009)

Well that's simply ridiculous.

It's lying in the sand, damp and squishy....


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## S.L.F (13 Apr 2009)

juke said:


> Well that's simply ridiculous.
> 
> It's lying in the sand, damp and squishy....


 
No that's Lex's enthusiasm.

Or my attempt at a smilie for the island


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## Ron Burgundy (13 Apr 2009)

Smashbox said:


> Ron, I wonder how many people actually know who Baxter is?!



Ah he has a mysterious side and been hidden to the public is part of his appeal.


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## S.L.F (13 Apr 2009)

Welfarite said:


> Why one match when you've made concessions to others?!? Oh ok so, The one match I'd bring would be myself and Halle Berry....
> 
> Rabbits to breed like rabbits so I wouldn't starve.....


 
I know its not what you wanted but I couldn't get the real one so I have the next best.

[broken link removed]


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## Lex Foutish (13 Apr 2009)

S.L.F said:


> *No that's Lex's enthusiasm.*
> 
> Or my attempt at a smilie for the island


 
Not guilty!

I came back to the island and rescued Smashbox and we're now living happily in a commune on Cape Clear island!


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## S.L.F (13 Apr 2009)

Lex Foutish said:


> Not gulity!
> 
> I came back to the island and rescued Smashbox and we're now living happily in a commune on Cape Clear island!


 
Now that you've removed out means of escape any chance of coming back for the rest of us.

Please we've no more clean socks and well quite frankly they don't seem to fussy about personal hygiene.

Get me out of here!!!

[broken link removed]​ 
Now yer talking!!!

No longer lying in the sand


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## Lex Foutish (13 Apr 2009)

S.L.F said:


> Now that you've removed out means of escape any chance of coming back for the rest of us.
> 
> Please we've no more clean socks and well quite frankly they don't seem to fussy about personal hygiene.
> 
> Get me out of here!!!


 
Smashbox and myself just conveved a meeting here with the Elders of the commune and they like us so much that they won't allow us to leave Cape Clear! 

I personally think they're afraid we'd bring ye back to Cape and that ye'd affect the Utopian balance they've established here with their years of prayer, meditation, goat herding and contemplation!  

Smashbox actually led us in prayer tonight. You'd have been very proud of her!


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## Smashbox (14 Apr 2009)

I am very Holy you know.


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## baldyman27 (14 Apr 2009)

Lex Foutish said:


> I personally think they're afraid we'd bring ye back to Cape and that ye'd affect the Utopian balance they've established here with their years of prayer, meditation, goat herding and contemplation!


 
That's a whole different Cape Clear to the one I know, all those good folk must move out on the August bank holiday I guess.


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## Purple (14 Apr 2009)

Smashbox said:


> I am very Holy you know.



I've heard you can put on a holy show alright.


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## baldyman27 (14 Apr 2009)

Purple said:


> I've heard you can put on a holy show alright.


 
That's wholly unfair.


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## juke (14 Apr 2009)

baldyman27 said:


> That's a whole different Cape Clear to the one I know, all those good folk must move out on the August bank holiday I guess.



Baldy .....have you been a participant in the "pageant"?????


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## baldyman27 (14 Apr 2009)

juke said:


> Baldy .....have you been a participant in the "pageant"?????


 
Not that I'm aware of, although the state I'm usually in down there I could well have been!


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## juke (14 Apr 2009)

baldyman27 said:


> Not that I'm aware of, although the state I'm usually in down there I could well have been!


Mmmn...May have to glance through a few photo's and look for a bald woman

That said - quiet a few of them are


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## S.L.F (14 Apr 2009)

Ok this thread has finally hit 100,

So who the hell is Baxter?

If someone doesn't tell me I'll have to give someone some stick
[broken link removed]​




[broken link removed]


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## sandrat (14 Apr 2009)

S.L.F said:


> Ok this thread has finally hit 100,
> 
> So who the hell is Baxter?
> 
> ...


 
that painter dude? ron baxter?


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## baldyman27 (15 Apr 2009)

juke said:


> Mmmn...May have to glance through a few photo's and look for a bald woman
> 
> That said - quiet a few of them are


 
Maybe you're thinking of the bald-headed madness that strikes the women on that weekend?


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## Teatime (15 Apr 2009)

Re: What besides toilet paper would you bring to a desert island?

A septic tank.


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## Smashbox (15 Apr 2009)

Ron and Baxter snuggles for sleepys


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## Smashbox (15 Apr 2009)

Purple said:


> I've heard you can put on a holy show alright.


 
You don't normally complain


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## Simeon (15 Apr 2009)

Cheeky!


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