# Best Man Speech



## Sunny (8 Jul 2010)

I am Best man at a wedding shortly. I feel like I have already used up my best material at previous ones (and that wasn't even very good!) so am struggling now! Anyone got witty one liners that have gone down well at weddings that I can use?


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## DB74 (8 Jul 2010)

When [NAME] asked me to be best man, I was absolutely delighted because it meant one of my lifelong dreams was being fulfilled ... I got to be the ring-bearer like my hero Frodo!


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## Latrade (8 Jul 2010)

DB74 said:


> When [NAME] asked me to be best man, I was absolutely delighted because it meant one of my lifelong dreams was being fulfilled ... I got to be the ring-bearer like my hero Frodo!


 
I think if you were going to do that one you'd have to bring your own tumbleweed.


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## Sunny (8 Jul 2010)

Yeah, I would prefer if the jokes had been tested on a live audience!


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## DB74 (8 Jul 2010)

The wedding I heard it at was a few years ago, closer to the date that the films were released in fairness.

Also I'm an accountant!


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## Sunny (8 Jul 2010)

DB74 said:


> The wedding I heard it at was a few years ago, closer to the date that the films were released in fairness.
> 
> Also I'm an accountant!


 
Actually so are the people getting married so I guess the standard doesn't have to be high after all!


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## thombom (8 Jul 2010)

Open with. someone told me that the best man speech has to be as long as the groom can make love so heres to the bride and groom...................


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## VOR (8 Jul 2010)

(Groom) is so lucky to have found such a wonderful bride that she's writing off marrying him as a charitable expense.


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## missdaisy (8 Jul 2010)

thombom said:


> Open with. someone told me that the best man speech has to be as long as the groom can make love so heres to the bride and groom...................


 
I would not be loving these kind of jokes at my wedding if I was the bride!


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## missdaisy (8 Jul 2010)

VOR's contribution is in keeping with the nature of business the bride and groom are in, it's quite good. I think it's sometimes good not to have too many jokes, or if you can recall a funny story about the couple that usually goes down well.


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## DrMoriarty (8 Jul 2010)

See here (from about 2:20 mins in).


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## Nedtastic (6 Aug 2010)

Maybe go with the old accountant interview joke

Interviewer: What is 1 + 1?
Interviewee A : 2

NEXT

Interviewer: What is 1 + 1?
GROOM : 2

NEXT

Interviewer: What is 1 + 1?
BRIDE : What would you like it to be ???


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## Slash (6 Aug 2010)

What do accountants use for contraception?
Their personality!

That'll go down well with the lucky couple!


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## MrMan (6 Aug 2010)

The bridesmaids look amazing today, so good in fact they are probably going to get unwanted attention later, ladies i apologise in advance. (if your married you might want to scrap that idea).


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## Bill Struth (6 Aug 2010)

I didn't have any speeches at my wedding last year (apart from me saying a quick thank you and enjoy the evening.)

I think it's just too much hassle for the best man and Da's, and a lot of people get very stressed out about what to say. We wanted a very relaxed day for everyone; my best man did enough for us without having him worry about a speech as well.

As well as that, you hear one best mans speech and you've more or less heard them all, rubbish jokes and congratulations.


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## Caveat (6 Aug 2010)

A bit of a "baddum-tish" one, and an oldie, but tends to go down well as an opener (especially among the auld ones for some reason):

"Well, this is the second time today I've got up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand"

(groan)


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## PyritePete (6 Aug 2010)

I would like us all to raise our glasses and toast the 2 most important people in the room...........the barmen !!!!!!


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## z104 (6 Aug 2010)

This is the fourth time today I've gotton off a wam seat with a piece of paper in my hand


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## DB74 (6 Aug 2010)

Niallers said:


> This is the fourth time today I've gotton off a wam seat with a pice of paper in my hand


 
Sadly the use of "fourth time" doesn't make it any funnier than Caveat's "second time" above!


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## z104 (6 Aug 2010)

Doh, Hadn't read his one


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## RMCF (6 Aug 2010)

I've never been a Best Man but I do think that guys worry too much about the speech.

I have heard dozens and they are all pretty much the same. Most are just about funny, and people will laugh at gags they have heard so many times before to be polite. 

At my wedding my best man did one which I hadn't heard before tbh, it was something about history repeating itself, and how 29yrs earlier my wife's father had also packed her off to bed with a dummy.


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## Complainer (9 Aug 2010)

Bill Struth said:


> As well as that, you hear one best mans speech and you've more or less heard them all, rubbish jokes and congratulations.


I disagree - I'd feel cheated without a good speech or two. Particularly for those who only one or other of the happy couple, it's always nice to get a bit of an insight into their background.


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## PaddyW (9 Aug 2010)

Just want to run this by you all to see what you think. Bride is from kerry and the groom is from tipp.. I was thinking something along the lines of

Well, as you know herself is from kerry and himself is from tipp. I wonder how that'll work out tonight. Herself will bring the poise, the power and the romance associated with the kingdom. Himself, on the other hand will just whip the hurl out and it's game on!!

Too crude? Or light hearted enough that I might get away with it?!!


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## Complainer (9 Aug 2010)

PaddyW said:


> Just want to run this by you all to see what you think. Bride is from kerry and the groom is from tipp.. I was thinking something along the lines of
> 
> Well, as you know herself is from kerry and himself is from tipp. I wonder how that'll work out tonight. Herself will bring the poise, the power and the romance associated with the kingdom. Himself, on the other hand will just whip the hurl out and it's game on!!
> 
> Too crude?


Yep


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## Staples (9 Aug 2010)

I remember a wedding where the best man spoke generously about how well the groom (his brother) had done over his professional working life. "and yet", he continued, "he isn't the least bit showy. In fact, you could go to the pub with him and you wouldn't think he had a penny!"

Witty, sharp, inoffensive and appeals to a wide audience.  Won't discomfort the wedding party.


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## PaddyW (10 Aug 2010)

Complainer said:


> Yep



Fair enough!


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## fizzelina (10 Aug 2010)

PaddyW said:


> Just want to run this by you all to see what you think. Bride is from kerry and the groom is from tipp.. I was thinking something along the lines of
> 
> Well, as you know herself is from kerry and himself is from tipp. I wonder how that'll work out tonight. Herself will bring the poise, the power and the romance associated with the kingdom. Himself, on the other hand will just whip the hurl out and it's game on!!
> 
> Too crude? Or light hearted enough that I might get away with it?!!


 
It's funny but yes too crude!


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## PaddyW (10 Aug 2010)

Not many ways to tone it down though. I think it will just be left out!


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## PyritePete (10 Aug 2010)

PaddyW said:


> Not many ways to tone it down though. I think it will just be left out!


 
if the majority are GAA fans then say it...we've all become so PC that some funny stuff gets omitted


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## Staples (10 Aug 2010)

PyritePete said:


> if the majority are GAA fans then say it...we've all become so PC that some funny stuff gets omitted


 
There are plenty of GAA fans who would consider it crude and inappropriate for a wedding. They're not all pint-swilling, pot-bellied hicks you know.


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## PyritePete (10 Aug 2010)

Staples said:


> There are plenty of GAA fans who would consider it crude and inappropriate for a wedding. They're not all pint-swilling, pot-bellied hicks you know.


 
I am a GAA fan, played all my life both hurling & football and I'm not a pint swilling pot-bellied hick either. Loads of guests at our wedding played GAA or their girlfriends/wives would have attended matches, functions etc over the years too.

My point remains about society being too PC...it takes a brave man to say things that others "deem" PC. Frankie Boyle springs to mind...


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## Caveat (10 Aug 2010)

PaddyW said:


> Just want to run this by you all to see what you think. Bride is from kerry and the groom is from tipp.. I was thinking something along the lines of
> 
> Well, as you know herself is from kerry and himself is from tipp. I wonder how that'll work out tonight. Herself will bring the poise, the power and the romance associated with the kingdom. Himself, on the other hand will just whip the hurl out and it's game on!!
> 
> Too crude? Or light hearted enough that I might get away with it?!!


 
I don't think it's that crude really. On the other hand, to be perfectly honest, I simply don't think it's funny either (sorry) - which is probably more pertinent!


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## Staples (10 Aug 2010)

PyritePete said:


> My point remains about society being too PC...it takes a brave man to say things that others "deem" PC. Frankie Boyle springs to mind...


 
Yeah but you can choose whether you want to see Frankie Boyle or not. I find him funny but I wouldn't watch him in front of my Mother-in-Law out of respect for her sensibilities.  

Weddings are generally dignified occasions with a strong family element (children, grannies, etc).  Not the setting for barroom humour IMHO.


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## MrMan (10 Aug 2010)

PyritePete said:


> I am a GAA fan, played all my life both hurling & football and I'm not a pint swilling pot-bellied hick either. Loads of guests at our wedding played GAA or their girlfriends/wives would have attended matches, functions etc over the years too.
> 
> My point remains about society being too PC...it takes a brave man to say things that others "deem" PC. Frankie Boyle springs to mind...



There's PC and there's understanding the situation you are in. Two sets of parents sitting beside you, grannies and children in front of you, the priest possibly and so on. You can be funny without being crude and as Cavaet stated it isn't funny in the first place, it's more like a child saying a bold thing for effect than real humour.


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## PaddyW (10 Aug 2010)

Christ on a bike. Defo leaving it out now!


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## PyritePete (10 Aug 2010)

other posters have found it funny and some have said they have not found it crude either. 

A lot of you seem to be missing the point here - the words PaddyW is thinking of saying (and also stronger words) are used in GAA matches every week all over the country. So I dont believe what PaddyW is thinking of saying would necessarily offend anyone. 

Over to you paddyW


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## Complainer (10 Aug 2010)

PyritePete said:


> My point remains about society being too PC...it takes a brave man to say things that others "deem" PC. Frankie Boyle springs to mind...


Does it really take a 'brave man' to make jokes about people with Downs Syndrome having bad hairstyles, bad fashion sense. old parents and short life spans. That's not my definition of 'brave'.

See http://www.disabilityartsonline.org.uk/Victoria-Wright-addresses-Frankie-Boyle for a nice response to Frankie's 'bravery'.


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## Shawady (10 Aug 2010)

I aggree with Complainer. I seen Frankie Boyle in Vicar street recently and while some of his material was very funny, some of the stuff about disabled people was not funny and just said to be offensive or controversial.

I did best man once and just stuck with some material about how they met, interests, jobs etc. If you get a few laughs and say some nice things it will be a job well done. It's worse to have someone speak for ages and bore people


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## PyritePete (10 Aug 2010)

Complainer, you are moving the goalposts/off topic here...I dont mind.

Take Tommy Tiernan, he was fairly unrepentant about his jokes recently on Liveline. Jokes are jokes was his point as is mine.


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## Complainer (10 Aug 2010)

PyritePete said:


> Complainer, you are moving the goalposts/off topic here...I dont mind.


In all fairness, I'm responding to your off-topic point. I guess that given we are in the 'shooting the breeze' section, it's not a huge deal either way.



PyritePete said:


> Take Tommy Tiernan, he was fairly unrepentant about his jokes recently on Liveline. Jokes are jokes was his point as is mine.


So just to be clear, you are OK with using Paki jokes (ref Bernard Manning), Biafra/Ethopia 'skinny' jokes, spa/crip/looney bin jokes, poof/fag/queer jokes and all that other stuff that used to be considered 'comedy' prior to 1980?


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## Caveat (10 Aug 2010)

Personally, not entirely sure where I stand on this. 

Whilst on one hand I certainly condemn any jokes that rely purely on e.g. ethnic sterotypes or diabilities, surely many jokes that are in any way 'edgy' are insulting to someone, somewhere - does there have to be a minimum number of people who are offended before the 'joke' is considered offensive/distasteful?

From a purely comedic point of view, the worst thing about all the old black/queer/spa etc etc jokes is that they were not remotely funny and were all seemingly invented by the same thuggish moron.  Although I probably can't say that...


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## PyritePete (10 Aug 2010)

your interpretation of jokes is different to mine, some border on cringeworthy. Manning was downright racist, not jokes at all. I dont get upset about people telling me irish jokes. I would love for T Tiernan to highlight a serious medical condition I have. 

Are you telling me you never told queer/skinny/paki jokes ever ?


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## Complainer (10 Aug 2010)

PyritePete said:


> your interpretation of jokes is different to mine, some border on cringeworthy. Manning was downright racist, not jokes at all. I dont get upset about people telling me irish jokes. I would love for T Tiernan to highlight a serious medical condition I have.
> 
> Are you telling me you never told queer/skinny/paki jokes ever ?



Not since the age of 14/15 years old, I reckon. I find very little of what passes for 'comedy' today to be funny. Lots of it (Tommy Tiernan, Jason Byrne, Katherine Lynch) seems to involve shouting loudly, very quickly, with lots of foul language and then laughing hysterically at yourself, hoping that the others will join in. There are a few honorable exceptions - Eddie Izzard, Harry Hill, Dara O'Brien. 

It's not really about 'highlighting a serious medical condition'. What Boyle did was to make fun of the specific impacts of a genetic condition. These 'jokes' generally do perpetuate an environment of discrimination, just like the Paddy/Paki jokes did in the UK up to the 70s. Do you really think it's acceptable or funny for Frankie Boyle to make jokes about the speech/hair/fashion sense/old parents of people with Downs Syndrome?


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## MrMan (10 Aug 2010)

PyritePete said:


> other posters have found it funny and some have said they have not found it crude either.
> 
> A lot of you seem to be missing the point here - the words PaddyW is thinking of saying (and also stronger words) are used in GAA matches every week all over the country. So I dont believe what PaddyW is thinking of saying would necessarily offend anyone.
> 
> Over to you paddyW



Except it's a wedding not a GAA match.


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## PaddyW (10 Aug 2010)

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Right, so here's a rough draft of what I'm going to say.. feel freet to let me know if it sucks or not!! I've decided against any outrageous lines or taking the pee out of the groom :[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif][/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]
[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]
[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Ladies and gentlemen, [/FONT]on behalf of xxx and xxx I'd like to thank you all for joining in this wonderful day for the two of them.. and can I just add what a fine looking bunch you all are!  
For those of you who don't know me, my name is Paddy Would-you-like-a-drink. If you see me at the bar later, remember that i only answer to my full name!  
xxx, you're looking beautiful today.. I'm sure Mike is a proud and happy man right now
To the bridesmaids, girls, ye're looking great..  I'll be in room 123 all night.. just thought i'd throw that in there..  
It's taken seven years of friendship, but finally, after all that time myself and xxx have decided that i am indeed the best man!! It's a great honour to be asked to perform this role and I think it shows that xxx thinks of me as highly as I do of him.  


Myself and xxx first met in Dublin. Two country boys, both at loose ends. We met through mutual friends and one night xxx rang me up to see
did I want to go for a pint. We hit if off straightaway. The rest as they say is history. We haven't looked back since. He's my best friend, more like a brother to me really.


We're as close as best friends can be.. Actually, I remember a remark one night along the lines of "I'm surpised you and xxx are getting married, I always though it would be xxx and paddy"!!!!
We've had some great times together, we've travelled to some fantastic places together and we've always had the best of times.. I suppose you could say i was responsible for bringing the two together in the first place. I brought him down to my hometown of xxx and it started off from there.looking back If i'd have known then what i know now, i'd have left him in dublin and i'd still have my partner in crime! in fact, my list of destinations has declined rapidly ever since he packed his bags and headed for xxx!


But I'm sure i've left him in responsible hands with xxx and I hope they'll be able to create their own fabulous memories together. I'm sure they will, I, for one know that xxx is the only one for xxx. he's never shut up talking about her ever since they first met. Here's to many more years of that!  


Well, I'm going to keep it short and sweet now (like myself), I can see a few heads starting to drop down the back there.. Chin up lads, it's almost over!


xxx, you've been my best friend now for a long time. I wish you and xxx all the very best for the future. May it be a long and prosperous future, filled with many great occasions along the way.



Would you all raise your glasses and join me in toasting the happy couple.


to love, to laughter and to happiness ever after. To the new mr and mrs xxx . . 	To xxx and xxx


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## fizzelina (10 Aug 2010)

PaddyW said:


> [FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Right, so here's a rough draft of what I'm going to say.. feel freet to let me know if it sucks or not!! I've decided against any outrageous lines or taking the pee out of the groom :[/FONT]
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 
With all due respect Paddy this is more about you and Mike then it is about Mike and XXXX. I mean it's very touching and you clearly have a great friendship but initial impressions are its too much about you and Mike....and your love for him. And it should include more about Mike and XXX and their love and friendship. You threw in that he's "never shut up talking about her" (I would not use these words but that's just me) but you could say more.
It's just a draft I'm sure you don't mind the critical feedback.....


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## PaddyW (10 Aug 2010)

No, not at all. The more the better. I always thought the best man speech should really be more about the groom than anything, but I'm not adverse to putting in more stuff about her at all. Back to the drawing board! I can change the shut up to he's never stopped talking about her instead.


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## Caveat (10 Aug 2010)

In fairness I think that's not bad at all Paddy.  Agree with adding more about the bride though - and making it at least 75% complimentary (i.e. not back handed)


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## PaddyW (10 Aug 2010)

Right, so a bit more about the bride. Only good things will be said about her. Does some of it appear back handed Caveat? I only want to make them look good really, I know theere's one or two little jokes in there (e.g the best man one) but I don't think they're too overboard.


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## Caveat (10 Aug 2010)

PaddyW said:


> Does some of it appear back handed Caveat?


 
No, no - I'm not saying they are.  Just a "warning" in case anything along those lines developed! 

It's just that I've noticed a tendency of best man speeches rarely to directly praise/compliment the bride - they often say something - then take it back by adding a punchline, then say "no but seriously", add another punchline and then finally, feebly, give her a muttering half assed real compliment.

In fact maybe you should go the other way and say something like "Jaysus Bridie you look feckin' gorgeous. I mean like really, really sexy. Bloody HELL! In fact...." 

(and then make a mad lunge for her)


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## Shawady (10 Aug 2010)

I was at a wedding when the best man finished his speech by wishing the happy couple well by quoting the lines of a Green Day song.
"It's something unpredictable, but in the end its right. I hope you have the time of your lives".

I thought it was a nice touch.


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## PaddyW (10 Aug 2010)

Strange you should say that Shawady, I was actually thinking about adding that in their somewhere. One of my favourite songs.

I've changed one of the paragraphs. What do you think?

But I'm sure i've left him in responsible hands with xxx, a girl who I've known for most of my life.  Always a quiet and repectable girl. Always down to earth and friendly and a bit of craic too on a night out! xxx has done well for himself, I'm sure you'll all agree. Their love has stood up under the pressure of distance, which I know myself is a hard thing to overcome. But though they were a long way apart, their bond remained strong. The fact I'm stood here now toasting them is testament to that. I hope they'll be able to create their own fabulous memories together. In fact, I'm sure they will, I, for one know that xxx is the only one for xxx. he's never stopped talking about her ever since they first met. long may it continue.


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## PyritePete (10 Aug 2010)

MrMan said:


> Except it's a wedding not a GAA match.


 
really ??


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## Latrade (10 Aug 2010)

Shawady said:


> I was at a wedding when the best man finished his speech by wishing the happy couple well by quoting the lines of a Green Day song.
> "It's something unpredictable, but in the end its right. I hope you have the time of your lives".
> 
> I thought it was a nice touch.


 
I heard that at a wedding once and it struck me as odd, I was always under the impression that song was about a break up (hence being called Good Riddance).


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## Caveat (10 Aug 2010)

Oh dear. Nearly as bad as Bush's appropriation of _Born in the USA!_


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## PyritePete (10 Aug 2010)

Complainer said:


> There are a few honorable exceptions - Eddie Izzard, Harry Hill, Dara O'Brien.
> 
> Yeah I like these too
> 
> It's not really about 'highlighting a serious medical condition'. What Boyle did was to make fun of the specific impacts of a genetic condition. These 'jokes' generally do perpetuate an environment of discrimination, just like the Paddy/Paki jokes did in the UK up to the 70s. Do you really think it's acceptable or funny for Frankie Boyle to make jokes about the speech/hair/fashion sense/old parents of people with Downs Syndrome?


 
I find Frankie funny...up to a certain point, Generally I find him humorous and as I posted earlier some (of his) material is cringeworthy that I would not be confortable with. 

My main thrust though is that IMHO comedy has been watered down because of PC whereas I can see the humour for what it is, maybe more so than others.


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## Shawady (10 Aug 2010)

Latrade said:


> I heard that at a wedding once and it struck me as odd, I was always under the impression that song was about a break up (hence being called Good Riddance).


 
Yeah, I think exact words in song are "*had* the time of your life" but this best man used "_*have*_".
Still sounded good on the day.


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## Complainer (10 Aug 2010)

PaddyW said:


> No, not at all. The more the better. I always thought the best man speech should really be more about the groom than anything, but I'm not adverse to putting in more stuff about her at all. Back to the drawing board! I can change the shut up to he's never stopped talking about her instead.



I'd like to hear more about the B&G in your speech. It would also depend on who else will be speaking - if both the fathers are also speaking, then maybe you don't need to go into huge detail. If not, then a bit more background would help.



PyritePete said:


> My main thrust though is that IMHO comedy has been watered down because of PC whereas I can see the humour for what it is, maybe more so than others.


I don't see any humour in making fun of the hair/dress sense/speech of people with Downs Syndrome. I just see very, very cheap shots.


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## fizzelina (10 Aug 2010)

PaddyW said:


> But I'm sure i've left him in responsible hands with xxx, a girl who I've known for most of my life. Always a quiet and repectable girl. Always down to earth and friendly and a bit of craic too on a night out! xxx has done well for himself, I'm sure you'll all agree.


 
Jees why didn't you marry her yourself so?? ;-)

But seriously that is lovely and I think it will go down very well with her and the parents / grannys/ friends. 
With regard to back handedness the only thing seeming that way was the line earlier about seeing a lot less of your mate and the world since he met xxx. But then that's probably just my opinion, women read into things!
But honestly Paddy you are writing very nice things, and well able to take some constructive (trying to be helpful) criticism. 
Oh and I presumed you were single since your bridesmaids comments suggested it, I hope they are too in that case!


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## PyritePete (10 Aug 2010)

Complainer said:


> I don't see any humour in making fun of the hair/dress sense/speech of people with Downs Syndrome. I just see very, very cheap shots.


 
You are focusing on one aspect of comedians routine/jokes, so should we abandon humour altogether then ?


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## fizzelina (10 Aug 2010)

PyritePete said:


> You are focusing on one aspect of comedians routine/jokes, so should we abandon humour altogether then ?


 This is a whole other thread topic and not helping Paddy and his speech.
Everyone has different opinions on this "humour". I find those Down Syndrome jokes in very poor taste and I have a brother with Downs so probably I am just sensitive / too close to the reality. 
You can never get agreement on this issue IMHO, it's very decisive as to whether it is funny/acceptable or distasteful / unacceptable.


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## Complainer (10 Aug 2010)

PyritePete said:


> so should we abandon humour altogether then ?


Is that the only other option to making jokes about the genetic effects of certain disabilities? Or perhaps there is some middle ground whereby comedians find things other than disabilities to make fun of. 

Michael McIntyre has a very funny routine about disabled parking spaces, which is fairly 'un-PC', and quite funny. Eddie Izzard has some fairly foul-mouthed but funny routines, like the Canteen in the Death Star - very funny.

Frankie needs to move on from schoolyard humour and deal with people as adults. Maybe he has spent too long getting strained scripts handed to him on Mock the Week?


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## PaddyW (10 Aug 2010)

fizzelina said:


> Jees why didn't you marry her yourself so?? ;-)
> 
> But seriously that is lovely and I think it will go down very well with her and the parents / grannys/ friends.
> With regard to back handedness the only thing seeming that way was the line earlier about seeing a lot less of your mate and the world since he met xxx. But then that's probably just my opinion, women read into things!
> ...



Thanks a mill. I'm trying to be complimentary to both in it, so I hope it comes across as that. It seems to be on the right lines anyway! I am single yes, not all the bridesmaids are though, so maybe that needs some tweaking!!  I don't mind the criticism either, it will help me to make the speech all the better. I suppose if I deliver it correctly on the day, it will comes across that bit more purposeful really. I don't see too many places that I can improve now anyways. I don't want to be trying to make a smart This post will be deleted if not edited to remove bad language out of myself, hence the small amount of jokes I've thrown in. I'd like it to be more sincere than anything, so that's that. Thanks for the pointers all!


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## Staples (10 Aug 2010)

Paddy

Your plight has touched me. I've taken the liberty of making some amendments which you might want to consider.

S

"Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of xxx and xxx I'd like to thank you all for joining in this wonderful day for the two of them.. and can I just add what a fine looking bunch you all are! 
For those of you who don't know me, my name is Paddy Would-you-like-a-drink. If you see me at the bar later, remember that i only answer to my full name!
First of all, I’d just like to say how honoured and proud I am that X has chosen me to his Best Man for what is the biggest day of life (even including the Munster final).    

And I’m sure everyone will agree that xxx, you're looking beautiful today. I'm sure Mike is a proud and happy man right now and that you’ll have a happy life together.  It’s a match made in Heaven (which is more than you can say for Tipp versus Kilkenny, unfortunately)

And to the bridesmaids, may I say what a great job you’re doing and how well you look.  By the way, “lads, I saw them first!”
 
So what can say about my good friend X.  We’ve been friends for seven yearsa and it’s taken that that length for him to finally realise that yes, I am the best man.  It's a great honour to be asked to perform this role, particularly as I value his friendship so highly. 

XXX and I first met in Dublin seven years ago.  Two country boys, both at loose ends. We met through mutual friends and one night xxx rang me up to see
did I want to go for a pint. We hit if off straightaway. The rest as they say is history. We haven't looked back since. He's my best friend, more like a brother to me really.

We're as close as best friends can be. Actually, I remember a remark someone made to X one night along the lines of "I'm surpised you and xxx are getting married, I always though it would be you and paddy"!!!!

We've had some great times together, we've travelled to some fantastic places together and we've always had the best of times. I suppose you could say i was responsible for bringing the two together in the first place. I brought him down to my hometown of xxx, brought him to the local ???? where he met YY  and it started off from there.  Looking back if I'd have known then what i know now, I'd have left him in dublin and i'd still have my partner in crime.  In fact, my list of destinations has declined rapidly ever since he packed his bags and headed for xxx!

But it’s a relief to know that I’ve left him in responsible hands with xxx and I hope they'll be able to create their own fabulous memories together. I'm sure they will, I, for one know that xxx is the only one for xxx. he's never shut up talking about her ever since they first met and seeing her here today I can see why. Here's to many more years of that! 

Well, I'm going to keep it short and sweet now (like myself), I can see a few heads starting to drop down the back there.. Chin up lads, it's almost over!

xxx, you've been my best friend now for a long time. I wish you and xxx all the very best for the future. May it be a long and prosperous future, filled with many great occasions along the way.



Would you all raise your glasses and join me in toasting the happy couple.


to love, to laughter and to happiness ever after. To the new mr and mrs xxx . . To xxx and xxx"


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## PaddyW (10 Aug 2010)

Cheers Staples, that's quite helpful actually!


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## PyritePete (10 Aug 2010)

Complainer said:


> Michael McIntyre has a very funny routine about disabled parking spaces, which is fairly 'un-PC', and quite funny.
> 
> Frankie needs to move on from schoolyard humour and deal with people as adults. Maybe he has spent too long getting strained scripts handed to him on Mock the Week?


 
personally I dont find McIntyre that funny. Frankie was thrown off MTW as far as I know and yes he sailed close to the wind a lot of the time.


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## Rois (10 Aug 2010)

Shawady said:


> "It's something unpredictable, but in the end its right. I hope you have the time of your lives".


 
Paddy, I like the revised version of your speech - with the exception of this song, which I've heard a few times at the funerals of young people


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## Shawady (11 Aug 2010)

Strange that song has been used at funerals and weddings. Anyway, speech sounds good either way.
All in the delivery now, Paddy!


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## PaddyW (11 Aug 2010)

That's the main thing now Shawady. Just hope the voice doesn't go in the middle of it or get squeaky haha


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## dmos87 (11 Aug 2010)

Just to give a little help from the ladies perspective 


"Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of xxx and xxx I'd like to thank you all for joining in this wonderful day for the two of them.. and can I just add what a fine looking bunch you all are! Although not one of us could compare to the beautiful bride.
For those of you who don't know me, my name is Paddy Would-you-like-a-drink. If you see me at the bar later, remember that i only answer to my full name!
First of all, I’d just like to say how honoured and proud I am that X has chosen me to his Best Man for what is the biggest day of life (even including the Munster final). 

And I’m sure everyone will agree that xxx, you're looking beautiful today. I'm sure Mike is a proud and happy man right now and that you’ll have a happy life together. It’s a match made in Heaven (which is more than you can say for Tipp versus Kilkenny, unfortunately)

And to the bridesmaids, may I say what a great job you’re doing and how gorgeous you all look today. Just so you know, there's plenty of me to go around!! 

So what can say about my good friend X. We’ve been friends for seven years and it’s taken that that length for him to finally realise that yes, I am the best man. It's a great honour to be asked to perform this role, particularly as I value his friendship so highly. 

XXX and I first met in Dublin seven years ago. Two country boys, both at loose ends. We met through mutual friends and one night xxx rang me up to see
did I want to go for a pint. We hit if off straightaway. The rest as they say is history. We haven't looked back since. He's my best friend, more like a brother to me really. We're like a real life Batman and Robin - we all know which is which  There's a fair few rogue stories I could tell you now, but I'll save the bride those extra blushes! 

We're as close as best friends can be. Actually, I remember a remark someone made to X one night along the lines of "I'm surpised you and xxx are getting married, I always though it would be you and paddy"!!!!

We've had some great times together, we've travelled to some fantastic places together and we've always had the best of times. I suppose you could say i was responsible for bringing the two together in the first place. I brought him down to my hometown of xxx, brought him to the local ???? where he met YY and it started off from there. Looking back if I'd have known then what i know now, I'd have left him in dublin and i'd still have my partner in crime. In fact, my list of destinations has declined rapidly ever since he packed his bags and headed for xxx!

But it’s a relief to know that I’ve left him in responsible hands with xxx and I hope they'll be able to create their own fabulous memories together. I'm sure they will, I, for one know that xxx is the only one for xxx. he's never shut up talking about her ever since they first met and seeing her here today I can see why. Here's to many more years of that! 

Well, I'm going to keep it short and sweet now (like myself), I can see a few heads starting to drop down the back there.. Chin up lads, it's almost over!

xxx, you've been my best friend now for a long time. I wish you and xxx all the very best for the future. May it be a long and prosperous future, filled with many great occasions like this to celebrate along the way.



Would you all raise your glasses and join me in toasting the happy couple.


to love, to laughter and to happiness ever after. To the new mr and mrs xxx . . To xxx and xxx" 

Sorry if its a bit cheesy but if the lads had to go to the effort the women do on the day they'd want compliments every 5 seconds!!!


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## SteveW9 (24 Aug 2010)

what a stupid joke


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## Caveat (24 Aug 2010)

PyritePete said:


> Are you telling me you never told queer/skinny/paki jokes ever ?


 
What's a 'skinny' joke ?! 



Complainer said:


> There are a few honorable exceptions - Eddie Izzard, Harry Hill, Dara O'Brien.


 
We seem to have similar tastes in humour - who would have thought it?


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## Complainer (24 Aug 2010)

Caveat said:


> What's a 'skinny' joke ?!


Think Ethopia or (if you are a bit older) Biafra



Caveat said:


> We seem to have similar tastes in humour - who would have thought it?


Let's test the hypothisis - I found myself giggling like a schoolgirl at reruns of Men Behaving Badly last week. It's not clever humour, but it was very funny.


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## Caveat (24 Aug 2010)

Complainer said:


> Think Ethopia or (if you are a bit older) Biafra



Ah, Ok.



> Let's test the hypothisis - I found myself giggling like a schoolgirl at reruns of Men Behaving Badly last week. It's not clever humour, but it was very funny.



Haven't seen the reruns but yes, I can imagine I would still laugh too.


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## PaddyW (29 Sep 2010)

So... the speech went down well. The entire day ran like clockwork and I pulled. Sweet!


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## fizzelina (29 Sep 2010)

PaddyW said:


> So... the speech went down well. The entire day ran like clockwork and I pulled. Sweet!


 
Was it with a bridesmaid?? And did you take her number??? You gotta give us more than that, start up your own AAM soap drama!!


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## PaddyW (29 Sep 2010)

Not a bridemaid, no.. A cousin of the bride over from England.. and yes I have her number and we are in contact. But who knows what lies ahead. Keep you updated on the drama


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## PyritePete (29 Sep 2010)

PaddyW said:


> So... the speech went down well. The entire day ran like clockwork and I pulled. Sweet!


 
good man Paddy


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## pixiebean22 (30 Sep 2010)

Well done Paddy


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## PaddyW (4 Oct 2010)

pixiebean22 said:


> Well done Paddy



Thank you kindly!


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## truthseeker (4 Oct 2010)

PaddyW said:


> So... the speech went down well. The entire day ran like clockwork and I pulled. Sweet!


 
Excellent result PaddyW - sure if you couldnt pull at a wedding after a speech like that we'd be ashamed of you


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