# Would you allow your 17yr old go camping?



## foxylady (27 Jul 2009)

My almost 17 yr old want to go camping for his brithday with all his friends but I'm not too keen on the idea. Am I being too overprotective or am I right?

Any views?


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## MOB (27 Jul 2009)

Males only or mixed group?  Is it proper surfin' and survivalist camping?  Or just a gang of hormonally-burdened teenagers getting drunk in tents?   Without a lot more info, it is impossible to know. Hard one to call;  ordinarily I would say trust your first instinct - but at 17, you are getting to an age where it is natural for them to want more independence and natural for you to want to postpone it as long as you can.


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## TheBlock (27 Jul 2009)

Just back from Camping in Rathdrum with my 5 year old. He thought it was majic and It's something we plan on doing a lot more of  we really had a ball with swimming in the river and kayaking. Better than hanging around at home watching TV or in your sons case maybe hanging around with mates.

It would depend on the attitude of the lad himself, is he generally a sensible lad? Does he get into bother? What are the lads he is planning on going with like? Where are they going? Is it a recognised camp site with secutity etc? is it within an easily reachable distance?if he decided he wanted to go home can you get him in an hour/hour and a half? Does he drink (I know he's only seventeen) but can he be trusted to take it easy.

Basically you know your son so you'll have to decide if you can trust him and think he's sensible enough. 

You could insert a condition that he call you at intervals of every 2 - 3 hours till midnight to ensure he's not going overboard.


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## foxylady (27 Jul 2009)

Its a gang of boys and girls so thats why the worry. He is sensible enough for his age however Im not sure if this would just go out the window with a load of friends around. Its not so much that I dont trust him, its more the worry of all the weirdos that are around nowadays.


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## z104 (27 Jul 2009)

Agree with the above. If he is the type of lad to get into trouble with the law or if people complain about him to you then I would be hesitant. But if he's a normal youngfella then I don't think you have much to worry about.

Every 16/17 year goes camping or should do. It's a good experience.


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## foxylady (27 Jul 2009)

Niallers said:


> Agree with the above. If he is the type of lad to get into trouble with the law or if people complain about him to you then I would be hesitant. But if he's a normal youngfella then I don't think you have much to worry about.
> 
> Every 16/17 year goes camping or should do. It's a good experience.


 
Hes a trouble free lad thank God and has gone camping in the past with scouts so was supervised. Its the lack of supervision I would be worried about


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## Teatime (27 Jul 2009)

Ah yeah let him go. Clamp down on him now and he'll rebel later.

I cycled from Galway to Kerry with 2 mates when I was 16. Planned to stay in hostels each night. Missed the ferry at Killimor on Day 3 and ended up sleeping in a hay barn. We ran out of money in the end and stole money from a fountain to buy some bread/butter/milk/tayto to get us home. Slept rough in a school bike shed another night on way home too...chilly night...brokeback mountain style...ah those were the days my friend....

On second thoughts...


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## Bubbly Scot (27 Jul 2009)

foxylady said:


> Hes a trouble free lad thank God and has gone camping in the past with scouts so was supervised. Its the lack of supervision I would be worried about




The scouts will have prepared him well  Granted there will probably be a bit of horseplay and such given they are unsupervised but if he's generally sensible, I'd let him go.


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## foxylady (27 Jul 2009)

Would I be right in assuming all the responses are from men as opposed to worrying mammies?


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## huskerdu (27 Jul 2009)

Of course it depends on the guy and how much you trust him and how sensible you think he is going to be, but he is only a year away from being 18 and begin legally an adult.  

At 17, I had done a year at college, and went abroad for the summer with friends to find work. Unfortunately, I happened to be at college, close enough to home to be living at home, but most of my friends were living in flats.  We were bold, but we survived. 

If he cant go camping for a few days, whats going to happen when he has to cope with the real world.....

Of course, I do sympathise with you. Its another hard part of parenthood, which I haven't got to yet, but at 17, maybe its time to let go. 

Presumably, he is finanacially dependent on you and will be for a few years yet, so I would let him go, but with some serious ground rules and the risk of money beign withdrawn if he blots his copy book.


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## Pique318 (27 Jul 2009)

At 17 and you're thinking about NOT letting him go camping for a few days ?

Think again. He's already grown through the dodgiest years where he wouldn't have had much sense. If he's got to 17 and has his own mind, then he'll be grand. 

He'll hate you if you don't trust him enough to let him go, and saying it's because of other wierdos/dodgy friends is just gonna make it sound like you're grasping at straws.

I spent a weekend camping in Feile when I was 16 and loved it. No mobiles back then either and my parents were old-fashioned (or so I thought!) and we were in the midst of drink, drugs and debauchery but we had enough sense to stick to one and not go overboard.

Let him grow up. He'll respect you more for letting him go.


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## DrMoriarty (27 Jul 2009)

Pique318 said:


> ...we were in the midst of drink, drugs and debauchery but we had enough sense to stick to one and not go overboard.


Which one did you opt for, Pique318?

foxylady, seriously, I think everyone's giving you the same message here. 
Would I be right in assuming he's your eldest? Because in my experience it's the second child you've to watch out for... 
_(Joke!)_


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## DavyJones (27 Jul 2009)

He is 17 not 12. When I was his age, I had just left home, had a part time job, drove and still had to fit in doing my leaving cert.

Ofcourse he should go, why would you not trust him?


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## foxylady (27 Jul 2009)

Pique318 said:


> At 17 and you're thinking about NOT letting him go camping for a few days ?
> 
> Think again. He's already grown through the dodgiest years where he wouldn't have had much sense. If he's got to 17 and has his own mind, then he'll be grand.
> 
> ...


 

I am fairly flexible with him already and give him way more freedom than I ever had at his age, but the only problem is give him an inch and he will take a mile if you get my drift. He doesnt even know where to go go how to get there etc etc.


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## DrMoriarty (27 Jul 2009)

Don't give him an inch and he may take more than a mile some day.

Insist on knowing who's going (and call the other parents to cross-check), insist on having all their mobile 'phone numbers, and having all of yours stored in each of the lads' 'phones. Then take a deep breath and let go. I think you'll find he _does_ know where to go and how to get there, etc., etc. If he doesn't, then it's time he learned.


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## VOR (27 Jul 2009)

The kid is 17. In a year he'll be off to college and will have to fend for himself. Let him go away and enjoy the camping weekend. It will be a good bonding session with friends he could grow apart from in the next few years. 
I know I look back at the group of lads I went camping with at 16 and 17 and I'm only close with 3 of the group now. But the fond memories remain.


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## DavyJones (27 Jul 2009)

VOR said:


> The kid is 17. In a year he'll be off to college and will have to fend for himself. Let him go away and enjoy the camping weekend. It will be a good bonding session with friends he could grow apart from in the next few years.
> I know I look back at the group of lads I went camping with at 16 and 17 and I'm only close with 3 of the group now. But the fond memories remain.



I think it's the bonding that has foxylady worried


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## VOR (27 Jul 2009)

I don't what to be more ashamed of; my innocent naivety or your sordid mind.


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## Pique318 (27 Jul 2009)

DrMoriarty said:


> Which one did you opt for, Pique318?


That'd be telling


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## foxylady (27 Jul 2009)

DrMoriarty said:


> Which one did you opt for, Pique318?
> 
> foxylady, seriously, I think everyone's giving you the same message here.
> Would I be right in assuming he's your eldest? Because in my experience it's the second child you've to watch out for...
> _(Joke!)_


 
Yeah he is my one and only which is why so protective.


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## foxylady (27 Jul 2009)

DavyJones said:


> He is 17 not 12. When I was his age, I had just left home, had a part time job, drove and still had to fit in doing my leaving cert.
> 
> Ofcourse he should go, why would you not trust him?


 
I am well aware of his age as I did give birth to him, and I already said I trust him but am just a worrier


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## huskerdu (27 Jul 2009)

foxylady said:


> I am well aware of his age as I did give birth to him, and I already said I trust him but am just a worrier


 
As I say, I do sympathise, and of course you worry. You'll always worry about your kids. 
But, I think the view here is that, at 17, you can't and shouldn't be sheltering him from the big bad world.


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## secman (27 Jul 2009)

Trust your instinct on this one, I suspect you really want to let him go, but are worried, that worry comes with the territory. Let him know your feelings and let him know that you are trusting him on this one. Just another brick in the trust wall !

Secman


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## Sue Ellen (27 Jul 2009)

Its the bold women goin' along as well that would worry me 

My protective Mammy side says definitely do not let him go but his life probably wouldn't be worth living if he was the only one who was made to stay home.

I didn't let my beauty go into town for Junior Cert celebrations because there had been a lot of trouble the previous year.  Needless to say because the Gardai were on their guard nothing happened and, of course, I still hear all about it to this day and he's well into his college years now.


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## foxylady (28 Jul 2009)

Sue Ellen said:


> Its the bold women goin' along as well that would worry me
> 
> My protective Mammy side says definitely do not let him go but his life probably wouldn't be worth living if he was the only one who was made to stay home.
> 
> I didn't let my beauty go into town for Junior Cert celebrations because there had been a lot of trouble the previous year. Needless to say because the Gardai were on their guard nothing happened and, of course, I still hear all about it to this day and he's well into his college years now.


 
Hi Sue Ellen

I was beginning to think I was the only neurotic mammy on aam


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## truthseeker (28 Jul 2009)

Let him go.

What could he possibly get up to on a camping trip that he doesnt already have opportunity to get up to?

Drinking - he no doubt has opportunity to do that behind his parents backs if he wants to, and no doubt does indulge without your knowledge (he is 17, Id be very surprised if he hadnt tried alcohol).

Sex - again, this is something he could quite easily alreasy be doing, more important to talk to him about sexual health and safety than try to keep him out of situations where he may try it.

Drugs - see drink above.

Smoking - see above.

Other than the 3 above (the big scary things!!!), he could get up to any shenanigans with his friends that could cause the guards to be involved, joyriding, property damage etc... but its highly unlikely that if he is not already a trouble maker that one camping trip is going to turn him into one.

He may gain some very useful life experience from the excursion.

Another alternative is for a responsible but lenient adult to go with them and allow them their shenanigans but just be a safe presence.

Ultimately you cannot keep him under your watchful eye forever, and a dose of trust now at the age of 17, will do wonders for your future adult relationship with him later.


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## foxylady (28 Jul 2009)

Thanks for all the advice folks.


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## SlurrySlump (28 Jul 2009)

Teatime said:


> Ah yeah let him go. Clamp down on him now and he'll rebel later.
> 
> I cycled from Galway to Kerry with 2 mates when I was 16. Planned to stay in hostels each night. Missed the ferry at Killimor on Day 3 and ended up sleeping in a hay barn. We ran out of money in the end and stole money from a fountain to buy some bread/butter/milk/tayto to get us home. Slept rough in a school bike shed another night on way home too...chilly night...brokeback mountain style...ah those were the days my friend....
> 
> On second thoughts...


 
Hitchhiked to Newry back in 1969 just at the start of the troubles. Drank a lot of Tuborg Gold and got very sick. Then made our way down to Glengariff via Wexford .One of us booked a room in Whites of Wexford. When it was dark we all piled in to the one bedroom, washed ourselves and slept on the one bed. The guy who paid, loaded up with food from the breakfast and fed us all. Found a shop in Glengariff where you could collect a few "returnable" pennies on empty bottles. They used to store the empties out the back. At night we used to take them and then bring them back to the shop the next day and the next and the...
Some of the guys went over to Garnish island and helped themselves to a few pennies from the water feature.  Those were definitely the days my friend and we though they would never end.....


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## dodo (29 Jul 2009)

This is an age where you need to let them go and do something with their friend's where they stay over night,But if you have any doubts then there might be a 6 sense trying to tell you something if not let him go.
Also if there is girls going ensure he brings a condom.There could be  alcohol taken so this does heighten their sexual desires.
Even without alcohol teenagers together,boy and girls will do what is natural.
I would let him go.


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## Purple (29 Jul 2009)

truthseeker said:


> What could he possibly get up to on a camping trip that he doesnt already have opportunity to get up to?



... and that’s all that need to be said.


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## DavyJones (29 Jul 2009)

Purple said:


> ... and that’s all that need to be said.




 True enough, but some might argue that he shouldn't be given any more opportunity than he already has.

I think, he has shown great maturity for telling Foxylady the truth I.E that there will be girls there. He doesn't seem to be have a need to hide things. He'll have a blast..oh to be young again.


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## foxylady (30 Jul 2009)

DavyJones said:


> True enough, but some might argue that he shouldn't be given any more opportunity than he already has.
> 
> I think, he has shown great maturity for telling Foxylady the truth I.E that there will be girls there. He doesn't seem to be have a need to hide things. He'll have a blast..oh to be young again.


 
We have quite a good relationship , thank god where he can tell me anything and usually does. Dont know whether this is because I wasa  young mammy or because i had the total opposite realtionship with my parents.


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## Caveat (30 Jul 2009)

Probably both Foxy.

Also, if you are a young mammy you probably also have a heightened awareness of the possibility and variety of 'shenanigans' too since relatively speaking it maybe wasn't that long ago for you!


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## truthseeker (30 Jul 2009)

foxylady said:


> We have quite a good relationship , thank god where he can tell me anything and usually does. Dont know whether this is because I wasa young mammy or because i had the total opposite realtionship with my parents.


 
I would think its a bit of both, then again it may just be that the two of ye are sound people who get along together!

I definitely believe that a good relationship is worth a million doses of 'law and order' parenting.

I did not have a good relationship with my own parents, they were unnecessarily strict, and in fact put me into dangerous situations with their rules - which they refused to see (as an example, I had to be home at midnight up to age 18, but some friends and I used to go to local karaoke at age 17, and it ended just after midnight. I used to end up walking 2 miles home alone in the dark because I had to be home by midnight, the rest of them could all come home together in a group - much safer).

I did not rebel or become a trouble maker, I was more interested in education, but I always resented the lack of personal freedom and silly rules that one was not allowed question. It all made for a secretive relationship where I just kept things to myself rather than let them know what was going on because they may institute silly rules with no room for compromise.

Had they been a bit more open minded and open to compromise I would have had a better relationship with them. Your son is lucky.


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## foxylady (30 Jul 2009)

truthseeker said:


> I would think its a bit of both, then again it may just be that the two of ye are sound people who get along together!
> 
> I definitely believe that a good relationship is worth a million doses of 'law and order' parenting.
> 
> ...


 
Midnight, jaysus you were lucky. I could only stay out till 10.30 and that was on the weekend ( if i didnt have to babysit) when  I was 17.


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## foxylady (30 Jul 2009)

Caveat said:


> Probably both Foxy.
> 
> Also, if you are a young mammy you probably also have a heightened awareness of the possibility and variety of 'shenanigans' too since relatively speaking it maybe wasn't that long ago for you!


 

MAybe thats why I'm worried


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## truthseeker (30 Jul 2009)

foxylady said:


> Midnight, jaysus you were lucky. I could only stay out till 10.30 and that was on the weekend ( if i didnt have to babysit) when I was 17.


 
You know, on reflection I may stand corrected on that one - I believe it was in fact 11pm. Oh and that was definitely only on weekends!!


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