# Old jokes you'll never hear again



## Staples (9 Aug 2010)

Many jokes stand the test of time very successfully with some just needing some tweaking to bring them up to date.

There are othere, however, which despite being brilliant, related specifically to the circumstances in ewhich they were born and, as such had a short, but glorious, lifespan. For various reasons, they can't be updated.

Among my favourites are:

What would it take to reunite the Beatles?
Three more bullets.

What's the difference between Princess Grace and Liam Brady?
Liam Brady can take corners.

What has 100 feet and smells of urine?
The front row of "Live at Three".

What has three legs and doesn't talk?
Don and Ivy Brennan (think coronation street).

Anyone else got any blasts from the past?


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## Shawady (9 Aug 2010)

In the early 90's during the gulf war and Paul Gascoigne was playing for Spurs there was a joke that "Sadam Husein wanted the Gaza Strip but Spurs would only give the socks and shorts".

Apologies, truly awful I know.


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## boris (9 Aug 2010)

Around the time of the Challanger Shuttle disaster

What does NASA stand for?

Need Another Seven Astronauts


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## Thirsty (9 Aug 2010)

Around the time of Ireland beating England at Rugby

"A dead man was recovered from the canal today wearing a black corset, fishnet stockings, high heels and an English Rugby jersey.  Gardai removed the jersey to save the family any embarrassment"


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## notagardener (10 Aug 2010)

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. 
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 
'Sure.' 
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 
'No, I can remember it.' 
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too . Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?' 
He says, 'I can remember that.. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. 
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, 
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. 
'Where's my toast ?'


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## TarfHead (10 Aug 2010)

boris said:


> Around the time of the Challanger Shuttle disaster
> 
> What does NASA stand for?
> 
> Need Another Seven Astronauts


 
From about 20 years ago, and in similar bad taste ..

What's got 4 legs and goes woof ?

The Piper Alpha platform


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## Chocks away (10 Aug 2010)

On watching a trailer of Wendy Chamberlaine's overturned conviction last week I was reminded of the old, "How do Australians bring up their kids?" joke.
By sticking their fingers down a dingo's throat.
In retrospect very sick.


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## bigjoe_dub (11 Aug 2010)

one of my all time faves,

what's the difference between Lord Mountbatten's wife and Robert Maxwell's wife?

Robert Maxwell's wife got to keep the boat.


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## Staples (11 Aug 2010)

Thought of another one.

What do Packie Bonner and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both wear gloves for no apparent reason.

(after his clanger against Holland at US 94)


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## Betsy Og (12 Aug 2010)

There should be a by-line with the thread title "(for good reason)". 

Most are in really bad taste and I've my doubts if this thread will escape the auld padlock.


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