# Newly Engaged - House or Wedding first?



## dmos87 (22 Sep 2010)

Hi All,

My OH and I got engaged this week. Today we were discussing what we would like (small wedding, 60-80 MAX and a local venue, etc.). 

We have been saving for a house all along with an aim to buy in 3-4 years time. We have a particular house in mind owned by family and there is no rush whatsoever, but we would like to have as large a deposit as possible for when the time comes as the house has a high value.

Can others shed some light on what they would do first? 

Given that we both want a small wedding that will be low budget regardless, would getting married before buying our home be the best step forward for now, or should we wait until we are homeowners to get married?

Pro's and con's please


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## Yeager (22 Sep 2010)

Its hard to offer too much advice as we do not know what is your employment status and if both of you are in the same area and secure. 

I personally would get married first, ensure your happy with your jobs, location and life in general before getting the house. Loads of time for sorting out the house. You may decide after getting married that you want to take off out of Ireland for a while and try living elsewhere for a while first, which is what we are doing. 

Financially there is probably never a good time to get married! I did it last year (no house) and its costly but we did make alot back in gifts etc. If you do it now you will be using some of the deposit savings but if you do it after buying then you will be even worse off trying to pay for the wedding, mortgage, bills etc. 

For me my priorities would be and were - have a decent car thats paid off in full (you don't want this exta cost on your wedding year/after getting mortgage), then look at wedding (paid off in full) and then the mortgage. Anyhow prices continue to fall its a win win situation!


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## Yeager (22 Sep 2010)

Oh I forgot to add about small weddings - these are hard to do economically in Ireland as most of the big costs are fixed regardless of the number of guests i.e. photographer, flowers, cloths, band etc. Same cost if there ate 30 people as opposed to 300, so keep this in mind.


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## dmos87 (22 Sep 2010)

Hi Yeager,

Thanks for your posts. My job is as secure as it can be - at least until June next year but tbh I have been looking elsewhere. This is another reason why I think we should go with the wedding first as we would be less likely to be given a mortgage straight after I moved jobs! 

OH is recently qualified as a Mech. Engineer but no job prospects here and we have openly discussed going abroad for work. He would rather wait it out until Christmas of this year. As it stands he is in permanent employment (where he has been for almost a decade) but would prefer also to be out of it and gaining experience in what he's qualified to do. This is also another reason we have talked about getting married before buying our home - we will not be putting down roots and swanning off to another country if things get really bad. 

Wedding-wise, all is already talked about and we reckon we could do it for under 7k. The venue we are in agreement over can only hold a max of 120 people and is absolutely perfect for what we want - keeping the numbers down!! His family have close ties with the owners and they are happy to charge per head instead of a set cost. Church is local and we have history there so also perfect. I'm not a mad one for dresses etc. so it would all be simple and sweet. I'd be perfectly happy with my dad driving me to the church so no fancy cars. Have a photographer who is a family friend and has already been on to congratulate us and offer a big discount!! 

The more I think about it, I am leaning towards getting married first and using some savings to do so. It wouldn't take us too long to save it back up. And the fact that the home we want to buy is a bit pricey for us, it would mean we have the wedding out of the way and can concentrate on our home.


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## niceoneted (23 Sep 2010)

Most venues charge per head for people so I don't know what you mean by that as a discount/favour from the venue you are looking at. 
It sounds to me from what you are saying that you would be as well off to get married first otherwise you could be waiting a long time. 
Congrats


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## nediaaa (23 Sep 2010)

What is your hurry?  you seem to be unsure of everything so dont rush the house or wedding. If ye are thinking of moving abroad, unsure of his job. Personally i think a wedding is a waste of money and could be better used on a deposit for a house. 
Heres my tip
Go abroad and get married, have honeymoon etc.
When you get back people will still speak to you.(common belief that you will **** everyone off0
People will still give presents(they will be delighted no to get the summons)
Then you can get the mortgage for your house
live happily ever after

Money does not make you happy, but it lets you be miserable in comfort.


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## dmos87 (23 Sep 2010)

There really is no rush. We are talking about 2-3 years time as we have several other close family weddings in the meantime and it would cause a financial burden for my parents - ditto with going abroad. It might suit us fine but our immediate family would not be able to afford it.


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## dmos87 (23 Sep 2010)

niceoneted said:


> Most venues charge per head for people so I don't know what you mean by that as a discount/favour from the venue you are looking at.
> 
> Congrats


 
No charge for venue, corkage, etc. Just meals. Like I said, a good friend of the family and happy to do so, naturally we are delighted.


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## bigjoe_dub (23 Sep 2010)

Do not be afraid to ask for money as a present.  a lot will do this anyway and may well offset the cost of the reception by a good chunk.


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## Boyd (23 Sep 2010)

Totally agree with 1234 - even if its "the norm" to give money, to ask for it would make we want to give nothing


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## nediaaa (23 Sep 2010)

*absolutely disgusting to ask for money*


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## nediaaa (23 Sep 2010)

personally i would not go to a wedding where the bride and groom have asked for money


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## RIAD_BSC (23 Sep 2010)

nediaaa said:


> personally i would not go to a wedding where the bride and groom have asked for money


 
Would you go to a wedding where the bride and groom had a wedding list with Arnotts or some other department store?


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## dmos87 (23 Sep 2010)

Woah, this got heated fast!! haha.

No, we would never dream of asking for cash gifts. We are more concerned about people coming and enjoying themselves - and yes, completely at our own expense. My parents will not be asked for a cent however we do have several other family weddings coming up in the next 2 years so that will financially tie them - travel expenses, clothes, gifts, accommodation, etc. I couldn't then expect them to splash out on flights, etc. for mine.

For the record though we are very happy to have the wedding here   we'll save the travelling abroad for a honeymoon. 

We just want to be sure we are going about things the right way. does anyone have a reason as to why we should purchase a home before getting married?? Is there any benefit to it?


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## hedgehog (24 Sep 2010)

First off, congrats. I would def suggest getting married first. It is really possible to do it for the 7k. As suggested make your own invitations etc. Also, when we got married we got the flowers ordered in by our local wholesaler. We saved a fortune. Dont be afraid to haggle the cost of everything. In this economy most ppl are going to be glad of any business. Good luck.


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## Betsygirl (24 Sep 2010)

I would strongly suggest getting married before buying a house. I did it the other way around and two years later, there's not a hope of us getting married anytime soon. Even though we bought a house that needed no work, we have still spent a small fortune on it so there's no money left for the wedding. We're mortgaged to the hilt so no hope of saving for a wedding anytime in the near future either. If I could do it again, I'd definitely get married first.


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## dmos87 (24 Sep 2010)

Thanks Betsygirl, Its good to see it from the other side!! 

Personally, I'd book a registry office and get it done with no frills or fuss but the fiance's family would have a hernia if we did. He has a deeply religious grandmother who would probably disown his family if they allowed it so we are going with the flow. And at least its still a small wedding  

I've shown this thread to himself and he is also leaning more towards getting married first in about 2 years time. It just makes financial sense to have it out of the way, and also still gives us the freedom to go abroad if we need to. 

And it means when we do finally get our home we can devote our money to it completely if we need to. 

Thanks Everyone!


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## fizzelina (28 Sep 2010)

Congrats dmos!!! And yes I agree get married first  We have our house about 8 months and there is constantly something to get so you would find it hard to save. TBH I wouldn't wait the 2 years and I'd be down the registry office asap and on a great honeymoon with my cash but since you want to keep in with the inlaws then keep up your good saving (you give great saving / budget / light at the end of the debt advice on AAM) Best of luck with it and enjoy the buzz of the engagement!


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## dmos87 (6 Oct 2010)

fizzelina said:


> Congrats dmos!!! And yes I agree get married first  We have our house about 8 months and there is constantly something to get so you would find it hard to save. TBH I wouldn't wait the 2 years and I'd be down the registry office asap and on a great honeymoon with my cash but since you want to keep in with the inlaws then keep up your good saving (you give great saving / budget / light at the end of the debt advice on AAM) Best of luck with it and enjoy the buzz of the engagement!


 

Thanks Fizz, very nice of you to say *im blushing*  I like to think people who have been in debt before give the best advice so I'm happy I can help. Congrats on the house


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