# Partner moving in, contribution query



## alexandra123 (27 Oct 2015)

Hello All,


Just looking for some advice here.

My partner is planning on moving in before christmas.
We have not properly talked about who pays what etc but in conversation the other day, he mentioned that he would pay the electricity and buy some food.

What is the norm out their ?

He is on about 10k more than me. I was thinking that he should be contributing less than me as it is my home but I think his contribution is too small.

Here is my monthly bills
920 mortgage in my own name
50 elec
100 gas (50 at the moment but can see it doubling when he moves in)
35 broadband
50 tv (he already pays this as i wont pay for sky. I would prefer soarview)

Their is other annual bills that I wont include as I don't believe he should be paying towards them like management fees etc


I was hoping that he contributes 400 towards the mortgage and pays the elec which would be 450 a month + his sky is 500 a month. We would then split the shopping. Is that reasonable for am I looking for too much?

I think if he moves in I should be better off financially, not the same or not worse.


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## Leo (27 Oct 2015)

Do you really want him contributing towards the mortgage and so potentially becoming entitled to a share of the house? Take a read through this.

Set out what all the costs are clearly including annual maintenance, waste disposal / water charges, and ask him what he feels is a fair contribution. If he sticks with the €50 and 'some food', then he's taking advantage of the situation. Sort it our before he moves in and it becomes a source of contention.


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## mathepac (27 Oct 2015)

He sounds like a bit of a cheapskate to be frank.

If you had a house-mate, what would you expect their contribution to be - 50/50 on all the bills?

Rent 450 (this is not a mortgage contribution, he is a renter)
Elec   25 (or 50% if actual is higher)
Gas   75 (or 50% if actual is higher)
Bb     18 (or 50% if actual is higher)
Tot   568 minimum starting point I'd suggest

+50% of

TV licence
House insurance (his stuff is now insured on it as is he)
Water charges if applicable in a MUD
Groceries & household costs (detergents, bleach, toilet paper, laundry, etc)

I'd see 700/750 per month as being reasonable


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## Setanta12 (27 Oct 2015)

I advise 50% on all utility bills, ensuring he gets appropriate credit for e.g. EUR100 water credit.  Apply a fair-market rent based on Daft.ie, take care not to adjust as interest rates change.

Keep your name on most bills.  Do not seek reimbursement for insurance; it is not a usual tenant/lodger bill.  TV licence would be okay too though to charge (although it could be argued both ways).  If you have any gardening bills or are planning extensions/renovations, plan without any help from him.

 I appreciate the above all seems cold/clinical etc - so just present him with a market-rate rent and suggest 50% of most bills.  That you will cover x y z yourself.  Re food, suggest a weekly jar for receipts to be divvied up at the end of the month - there will be wings and roundabouts here (you will pay for beer which likely will be exclusively his, he will pay for more detergents than he ever knew existed!).  Again all sounds reasonable and who can argue with any of that. (You will be preserving any ownership rights you have)


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## 44brendan (27 Oct 2015)

Interesting post. Another marker (if one were needed) that I am a member of an older generation When the wife moved into my place many years ago we generally shared expenses in accordance with income and it was assumed that we would be likely to stay together and house would ultimately belong to both of us. A "partner" now appears to be a temporary arrangement with everything put on a business footing to cater for the potential break-up. Obviously this is the most business-like way of doing things but somehow seems to place the old "Love" aspect on the "nice to have" but "not necessary" list.

Just musing. No offense to anyone


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## Buddyboy (27 Oct 2015)

I'm with you Brendan.  Start as you mean to continue.
Based on reading the OP, I would be more for talking about the relationship and where it is going as opposed to discussing who buys the biscuits. 

I think it is a mindset sort of thing. If you start out with mine and his, it will continue. (but that's just me).

Just musing as well - no offense intended.


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## terrysgirl33 (27 Oct 2015)

44brendan said:


> Interesting post. Another marker (if one were needed) that I am a member of an older generation When the wife moved into my place many years ago we generally shared expenses in accordance with income and it was assumed that we would be likely to stay together and house would ultimately belong to both of us. A "partner" now appears to be a temporary arrangement with everything put on a business footing to cater for the potential break-up. Obviously this is the most business-like way of doing things but somehow seems to place the old "Love" aspect on the "nice to have" but "not necessary" list.
> 
> Just musing. No offense to anyone



Were you married when you moved in together?  I remember when I was renting first there were quite a few people who would not admit to their parents that they were sharing a house with a boyfriend/girlfriend.  That was the mid 90's, which doesn't seem all that long ago.  I'm glad it worked out well for you, but there were many people who lost a lot of money this way, and would have been better off treating it like a business transaction!

OP, I would expect him to pay half the going rate for rent for a similar house in the area you live, and half of all bills.  What another couple I know did (these were a married couple on similar salaries) was divide the bills between them, and for (I think) 6 months, one of them would pay one set of bills and the other would pay the other set of bills, then they would swop.  That way, even if the bills weren't too even, it worked out evenly in the end.

Is your partner renting already?  Or is he living at home?  Paying the electricity and some food is OK if you are a teenager working part time, but a bit laughable for an adult!  I don't know if he's having a laugh, or is just naive, so I would discuss it carefully if I were you, but I would expect him to pay roughly half of expenses.  After all, if you decided to rent a place and move in together he wouldn't expect you to pay most of the expenses, would he?  And if you took in a lodger you would be much better off than with him?


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## Dermot (27 Oct 2015)

You could take advantage of the rent a room scheme if there are more than 1 bedrooms and try run it as a commercial enterprise side by side with the romantic angle 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			



.


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## Leper (28 Oct 2015)

alexandra123 said:


> My partner is planning on moving in before christmas.
> We have not properly talked about who pays what etc but in conversation the other day, he mentioned that he would pay the electricity and buy some food.



You said it yourself Alexandra, "partner is planning on moving in" and "We have not properly talked about who pays what etc".  It's the "etc" I'd be more worried about and it appears your partner alone is doing the planning. This sounds like a guy I'd have hated my daughters to have got involved with.  At the risk of sounding like Frankie Byrne (of Dear Frankie fame) I'd suggest you terminate the relationship and then listen to Frank Sinatra singing Fly Me to the Moon with the volume turned up.

But, if you are going to suffer on, charge him enough rent, at least.


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## PaddyW (28 Oct 2015)

Hi Alexandra. Do not let him away with paying very little. I lived with a girl a few years back, similar position to yourself and I paid about the €700/750 as per mathepacs post. The cheek of him saying he'd pay for electricity and some food! If he's in anyway serious and a decent guy he'll know himself that he should be paying way more than that.


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## alexandra123 (6 Nov 2015)

Thanks everyone for the response. 

Just for an update. We had a chat and he will now not be moving in. It is too expensive to live with me  He will continue to live for nothing on his mothers floor


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## Newbie-employee (6 Nov 2015)

Don't let him snake his way in by stealth; no sock-drawer or toothbrush-holder or favourite chair or mug for him!


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## Monbretia (6 Nov 2015)

I think you have had a lucky escape, might be time for a bit of a review of the relationship in general


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## G7979 (6 Nov 2015)

Cant believe this bum thought he could sponge off you and live rent free, throw you a bit of housekeeping money every once in a while. If a girl did that all his mates would be calling her a gold digger!!!! I think Monbretia is right, time to re-evaluate the relationship, maybe find a grown-up for a partner who wont take you for granted!


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## terrysgirl33 (9 Nov 2015)

alexandra123 said:


> Thanks everyone for the response.
> 
> Just for an update. We had a chat and he will now not be moving in. It is too expensive to live with me  He will continue to live for nothing on his mothers floor



Way to go girl!  Sounds like you just escaped from adopting a child...


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## RichInSpirit (10 Nov 2015)

This thread reminds me of Tina Turner's song "What's love got to do with it"


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## terrysgirl33 (10 Nov 2015)

RichInSpirit said:


> This thread reminds me of Tina Turner's song "What's love got to do with it"





44brendan said:


> Interesting post. Another marker (if one were needed) that I am a member of an older generation When the wife moved into my place many years ago we generally shared expenses in accordance with income and it was assumed that we would be likely to stay together and house would ultimately belong to both of us. A "partner" now appears to be a temporary arrangement with everything put on a business footing to cater for the potential break-up. Obviously this is the most business-like way of doing things but somehow seems to place the old "Love" aspect on the "nice to have" but "not necessary" list.
> 
> Just musing. No offense to anyone



It probably says MUCH more about me than the original posters of these words, that what I took from them is that it is unreasonable to expect someone to pay half of all expenses.  Of course, the truth is that it is unreasonable to expect to move in somewhere and pay very little!

Of course I think we all know people, men and women, who have fallen in love and been taken for a ride, which makes getting together with someone and not feeling taken advantage of pretty important...


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## Bronte (10 Nov 2015)

44brendan said:


> Interesting post. Another marker (if one were needed) that I am a member of an older generation When the wife moved into my place many years ago we generally shared expenses in accordance with income and it was assumed that we would be likely to stay together and house would ultimately belong to both of us. A "partner" now appears to be a temporary arrangement with everything put on a business footing to cater for the potential break-up. Obviously this is the most business-like way of doing things but somehow seems to place the old "Love" aspect on the "nice to have" but "not necessary" list.
> 
> Just musing. No offense to anyone



You quite clearly haven't been watching Judge Judy !  Where it's best to sort out everything in advance in writing.

Having said that I agree with you about it being different back in the day, except in my own case I paid half everything despite being a vastly lower income.


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## Bronte (10 Nov 2015)

G7979 said:


> Cant believe this bum thought he could sponge off you and live rent free, throw you a bit of housekeeping money every once in a while. If a girl did that all his mates would be calling her a gold digger!!!! I think Monbretia is right, time to re-evaluate the relationship, maybe find a grown-up for a partner who wont take you for granted!



Ah come on now he's not a bum, he's still living with Mother and has probably never lived alone before but the OP is warned now not to become a surrogate mother.  If his income does not allow him to move in she could consider a lower amount.  Say half the utilities, so he learns ! and a low rent, as sharing a bed generally means you wouldn't be paying top rent.  Best way for this is she figures out how much is needed weekly so he can learn to budget.  My OH when we first lived together at some stage moved from weekly to monthly salary and had a right shock in week two when he had zero in his bank account.  After that I did the budgeting and do to this day !  It wasn't funny at the time though zero money !


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## vandriver (10 Nov 2015)

Bronte said:


> If his income does not allow him to move in she could consider a lower amount.  Say half the utilities, so he learns ! and a low rent, as sharing a bed generally means you wouldn't be paying top rent.





alexandra123 said:


> He is on about 10k more than me



I think he can afford it!


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## Bronte (10 Nov 2015)

vandriver said:


> I think he can afford it!



LOL I missed that.  Wow, she has a house and is so responsible and he earns a heck of a lot more than her and offered to 'buy *some* food' in return for free bed and board.  Though if he's under 30 there is generally some hope with men in getting them to untie the apron strings and grow up.  I have a cousin and my OH a nephew back in with mom in their forties.


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## 44brendan (10 Nov 2015)

Bronte said:


> Though if he's under 30 there is generally some hope with men in getting them to untie the apron strings and grow up. I have a cousin and my OH a nephew back in with mom in their forties.


My wife wouldn't agree with that! It's all our Mammy's fault. They looked after us so well that we expect the same when we move on to another partner! Took me about 20 odd years to shake off the cosseted childhood and realize that I might be expected to do some occasional cooking and housework


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## Branz (2 Dec 2015)

Its amazing how much of this sort of stuff you see: it speaks volumes for his attitude to the OP.


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## alexandra123 (2 Dec 2015)

I stumbled back on my post today after first writing it. I am amused at the comments   and it puts me back into perspective as to where I stand going forward.

Just for an insight and it might make people laugh a bit louder....
I am on just over 40k , my partner is on around 50k
He is over 40, divorced, no kids and  back in his mothers 2 years
He has a house which is being re-posessed but the banks have not got around to doing that yet, so he is pocketing the 1200 a month rent with no chance of the banks receiving it.
He has >10k in the bank while I strive hard to pay my bills and keep my place afloat. 



When I went through the conversation with him one comment was  "sure I can stay with you 5 nights a week and 2 nights in my mam's and not move in and it wont cost me anything".

So I was put into my place fairly fast 

Other than the moving in issue , he is very good to me and not mean at all, so I was a bit knocked by his comments. 

So I know what fence I will be sitting on sooner or later !!!


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## RichInSpirit (2 Dec 2015)

He should hand over all his wages to you and you just give him an allowance.


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## Setanta12 (3 Dec 2015)

_When I went through the conversation with him one comment was "sure I can stay with you 5 nights a week and 2 nights in my mam's and not move in and it wont cost me anything".

So I was put into my place fairly fast 

Other than the moving in issue , he is very good to me and not mean at all, so I was a bit knocked by his comments._
_
_
Mrs.Setanta sometimes says I can be cutting with my comments but she knows me/lives with me etc but I was taken aback by that comment of your guy.  Recently someone was saying you need to live with someone for three years before truly knowing them - 5 nights a week isn't living with them.  I fear his comment was a 'strikes to character, m'lud!', showing his spots type comment. (Very easy to be good in the early days/months/years of a relationship)

_


_


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## dereko1969 (3 Dec 2015)

Kick him to the curb immediately. You won't change him, if he's starting with that attitude there is really no hope. Just because he's "not mean" to you doesn't mean you should accept that, you deserve better (everyone does).


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