# Restrictions on headstones in graveyards



## DeeFox (4 Sep 2008)

A headstone was recently erected in Kilcully graveyard in Cork which the papers say measures fifteen foot by twenty foot.  It is very ornate, depicts the gates of Heaven and is estimated to have cost in the region of €50,000.  It dwarfs all the surrounding graves and relatives of those buried there are complaining that, as well as being a vulgar display, it could potentially fall over in strong winds.  The family who put the headstone in place claim that this is their way of showing they love their relative.  I would be very upset if something similar was put next to a family member of mine.
I know it is a delicate issue but I think that there should be size restrictions put in place in all graveyards.  What do others think?


----------



## ClubMan (4 Sep 2008)

The family also claim that they are not in breach of any rules in doing this. Last I heard the local authority was getting the erection surveyed to assess its safety or otherwise.


----------



## Purple (4 Sep 2008)

ClubMan said:


> Last I heard the local authority was getting the erection surveyed to assess its safety or otherwise.


 oh arrr! 

On a more serious note, yes; it would bother me.


----------



## TarfHead (4 Sep 2008)

Down with that sort of thing !

If the size of the headstone is accepted to be a measure of love towards the deceased, then it gets competitive and chaotic.

My father is buried in a graveyeard where all headstones are laid flat and 'vertical memorials' are not allowed. At the time my mother was aghast cos, aaprt from the ongoing grief, it ws unusual in Ireland back then. After a year or so, she now prefers it to traditional graveyards.


----------



## The_Banker (4 Sep 2008)

With graves of all sorts of shapes and sizes it it very hard for the council to maintain them. Even families with the best will in the world eventually get old, get sick and die and then unsymetric graves have to be maintained by councils.
I have seen that headstone in Kilcully cemetry and without wishing to cause offence to the family who erected it, it is ugly and completely out of charactor with the cemetry itself. 
I can see why it would be considered a danger as the area is high on a hill and exposed to high winds.


----------



## z105 (4 Sep 2008)

> and is estimated to have cost in the region of €50,000



Was spoken about on the Joe Duffy show yesterday - €30,000 is what it cost apparentely.


----------



## DavyJones (4 Sep 2008)

In the town I currently live in there are restrictions on grave head stones. So one famliy just erected it over night, it made the papers. It is huge, I quite like it.
They were ordered to pull it down last year and its still up!


----------



## TreeTiger (4 Sep 2008)

I was at a funeral in Shanganagh cemetery recently and the headstones have to be within a certain size, there's just a little shelf where flowers can be placed, and actually the whole place has a very nice look about it.  Certainly I think a big over-the-top construction would not do anything to improve the cemetery and would imagine not liking it if someone constructed a monstrosity beside a relative of mine.

Two of the most amazing graveyards I have ever seen are Recoleta Cemetery in Buenos Aires which is like a little city in itself, all these ornate buildings laid out in mini streets; the other is the military Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia which is almost the opposite of Recoleta - all the headstones are the same size, equally spaced, and you just see lines of them no matter what direction you look.


----------



## damson (5 Sep 2008)

[broken link removed]. It's certainly considerably bigger than the norm.


----------



## olddog (5 Sep 2008)

I'm not so sure that this graveyard burying is a good idea.

Who will look after the graves ?

Its one thing when the death is recent but I dont know where my great grand parents are buried - never mind seeing that their graves are maintained

I'm thinking it might be better to be burned


----------



## ClubMan (5 Sep 2008)

DeeFox said:


> A headstone was recently erected in Kilcully graveyard in Cork which the papers say measures fifteen foot by twenty foot.  It is very ornate, depicts the gates of Heaven





damson said:


> [broken link removed]. It's certainly considerably bigger than the norm.


So* that's *what the gates of heaven look like? How disappointing...


----------



## Vanilla (5 Sep 2008)

It wouldn't bother me at all, as long as it was structurally safe, that is.


----------



## Graham_07 (5 Sep 2008)

I would have grave reservations about the structural safety of that stone.


----------



## ClubMan (5 Sep 2008)

ClubMan said:


> So* that's *what the gates of heaven look like? How disappointing...





Vanilla said:


> It wouldn't bother me at all, as long as it was structurally safe, that is.


Heaven? I think it's build on clouds. Not sure that it meets _DoE _building regulations and by law approval to be honest. I also heard that the carpenter they used was dodgy. Some old hand injuries or something like that.


----------



## S.L.F (5 Sep 2008)

Personally I think such over large monuments are vulgar and tacky and there should be bye laws about such stuff.


----------



## ajapale (6 Sep 2008)

S.L.F said:


> ... there should be bye laws about such stuff.



Some but not all local authorities have bye laws governing grave monuments.


----------



## Complainer (6 Sep 2008)

S.L.F said:


> Personally I think such over large monuments are vulgar and tacky and there should be bye laws about such stuff.


I don't know if you can legislate for taste? Safety maybe, but not taste.


----------



## sidzer (6 Sep 2008)

In my local grave yard some 'supersize' stones have been put up. These are OTT and dwarf the other stones. I can understand that people want to remember a loved one and honor their life - However, this exuberance is distressing to families who have loved ones buried beside these graves. 

There should be enforcable rules / laws which respect the needs and wishes of all people.


----------



## Complainer (7 Sep 2008)

sidzer said:


> In my local grave yard some 'supersize' stones have been put up. These are OTT and dwarf the other stones. I can understand that people want to remember a loved one and honor their life - However, this exuberance is distressing to families who have loved ones buried beside these graves.
> 
> There should be enforcable rules / laws which respect the needs and wishes of all people.


I don't quite get why this would be distressing to other families. I see some supersize, OTT cars on the roads which dwarf other cars - should there be enforceable rules/laws which restrict these?


----------



## sidzer (7 Sep 2008)

Car are the same as graves then - I'm presumming you are a lucky person to have all your loved ones alive and well.


----------



## MandaC (7 Sep 2008)

There was an article in one of the sunday papers about this today.  There are concerns about the safety of some of them because of the height. 

Even if there were height restrictions, I am not sure they would be obeyed and would just be put up anyway.


----------



## Complainer (7 Sep 2008)

sidzer said:


> I'm presumming you are a lucky person to have all your loved ones alive and well.


It's not a great idea to make presumptions simply because you are faced with opinions which differ from your own.


----------



## S.L.F (8 Sep 2008)

Complainer said:


> I don't know if you can legislate for taste? Safety maybe, but not taste.



I'm sure if someone wanted to put a plastic 20' purple teddy bear with flashing lights beside one of your loved ones grave, that would be in bad taste.

I believe its is possible to legislate I mean let's face facts here on AMM the mods decide when posters breach the guidelines so why can't simple rules be put in place for something like this.


----------



## sidzer (8 Sep 2008)

Complainer said:


> It's not a great idea to make presumptions simply because you are faced with opinions which differ from your own.


 
Its not a great idea to compare big cars with big grave stones


----------



## Blossy (10 Sep 2008)

i think the headstone in question shocking, it stands out completely, but the i also dont think they should be asked to remove it, (unless due to safety standards obviously). no matter what someones taste is, its how they want to mark his final resting place. i would suggest that there are restrictions, for respect out of everyone else in there.
Dunno about everyone else, but i am hoping gravestones, dont become a fashion accessory! everything else in this world is a competition, communions, christenings are all becoming large expensive shows...please dont it be the same for funerals etc.

As someone mentioned, cremation is def an option, there is a place in Ringaskiddy in Cork, and i went for a walk down there one day for my lunch (not usual place for lunch i know)  and i was lucky enough to be brought in and given a tour around the facility, it is amazing, couldnt find words to decribe it! cant think of the name sorry!


----------

