# Online dating



## Sunny (2 Feb 2009)

Has anyone tried it over here? A friend of mine has just returned from new York where it is popular and was going to give it a go but I think we turned her off the idea with our reaction! Just wondering if many people over here had tried it and how they found it.


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## Rigoletto (2 Feb 2009)

no shame in online dating i suppose, hope it works out well for you sunny.


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## Caveat (2 Feb 2009)

I'm happily married but if I wasn't, I'd have no qualms about it - it would probably be my preferred method of meeting someone in that you are probably more likely to get a suitable match and the whole process may cut out a lot of BS - provided common sense and general personal safety precautions are taken.


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## remey (2 Feb 2009)

My brother recently married his girlfriend, they met on maybefriends.ie.
They had both been in long relationships that hadnt worked and were late 30's. They're a perfect match and so happy together.

I'm married but if I wasnt I would definitely log on, for a bit of fun and if it led to something else then thats a bonus. Its hard to meet people in pubs and clubs these days I think.


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## Sunny (2 Feb 2009)

Rigoletto said:


> no shame in online dating i suppose, hope it works out well for you sunny.


 
Not really the shame thats the problem. We just all figured it would be full of strange people!! But I suppose plenty of people have tried it so must have something to offer.


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## Rigoletto (2 Feb 2009)

people are strange. 
theres a song about it i think. 

i am happily married for 6years now so doesnt apply to me but if you think online dating will work for you sunny then go for it.


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## Sunny (2 Feb 2009)

Rigoletto said:


> people are strange.
> theres a song about it i think.
> 
> i am happily married for 6years now so doesnt apply to me but if you think online dating will work for you sunny then go for it.


 
Thanks, I would but I reckon my fiancee would castrate me!! I would be crap at covering my tracks as well. Always figured it would be too much work to have an affair! Don't know how people do it


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## truthseeker (2 Feb 2009)

Its fun - and its a great way of meeting someone with similar interests (particularly if you dont dig the pub scene).
But it can be pretty harsh. 
Sometimes people will start chatting to you and then when you send them a pic they just cut all contact (this happened a friend of mine and it seriously put her off - I explained to her that it doesnt mean there is anything wrong with her looks - just the particular person may not have been 'into' her).

There is also the problem of people re-inventing themselves on the internet. I met one guy who described himself as an occasional smoker and slightly overweight. When I met him he was very overweight and a chain smoker! His pic was pretty old as well, but there is no way of knowing that from a profile.

And sometimes you can chat to someone online or via email for ages and really get along but then when you meet them there is just no spark in person. So that can be frustrating if youve invested a lot of time in messaging over a number of weeks.

And then I suppose its prudent to be careful of the 'weirdos'. Another friend of mine met a guy who was totally normal in all his messages and within an hour of meeting was asking her if she would dress up in fetish gear and do odd things to him if the relationship worked out - he had not hinted at all that this is what he was looking for with the messages on the dating site. Needless to say - the 'relationship' ended there and then 

I would say go for it - but remember the things Ive mentioned. 
And Id also advise meeting people quickly, not dragging on messaging for weeks on end - because if you do end up meeting and no spark in person its disappointing.
When meeting someone in person that youve met online, always meet in a public place and always let someone know where you are and arrange to check in with your friend or family member at a pre arranged time and also when you are home let them know - basic safety - same issues could just as easily arise if you went on a date with someone youd met once in a bar.

Also make the first meet up brief - that way if youre not digging it you dont have to give up a whole saturday night to the date - maybe a lunch date to begin or something.

A lot of people who are not too computer savvy think there is something 'weird' about online dating, but I dont think its any different than any other way of meeting someone.

A guy in my office is married to a woman he met online. I myself had some successful dates from maybefriends.ie and I know some other relationships that have worked out successfully from it.


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## Sunny (2 Feb 2009)

Thanks Truthseeker. Sounds like there is a book in there somewhere!! I will tell her to have a look at maybefriends.ie


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## truthseeker (2 Feb 2009)

Sunny said:


> Thanks Truthseeker. Sounds like there is a book in there somewhere!! I will tell her to have a look at maybefriends.ie


 
Ive met far more weirdos in 'real' life than I ever have on the internet!!!!

I believe Parship.ie is popular as well - have one friend who did quite a bit of dating from that one.


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## sandrat (2 Feb 2009)

I wouldnt exactly call it online dating but I got chatting to a guy online once. Website in question didnt allow passing on of contact details like email etc but he mentioned to me where he worked. I figured I liked him and wouldnt mind meeting up though he didnt know this til I phoned him at work and we exchanged numbers and met up that weekend. We will be married 3 years in May.


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## Rigoletto (2 Feb 2009)

Sunny said:


> Thanks, I would but I reckon my fiancee would castrate me!! I would be crap at covering my tracks as well. Always figured it would be too much work to have an affair! Don't know how people do it


 
i have to agree sunny. it must be damn hard work not to mention expensive and mentally exhausting to carry on an affair.


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## Sunny (2 Feb 2009)

sandrat said:


> I wouldnt exactly call it online dating but I got chatting to a guy online once. Website in question didnt allow passing on of contact details like email etc but he mentioned to me where he worked. I figured I liked him and wouldnt mind meeting up though he didnt know this til I phoned him at work and we exchanged numbers and met up that weekend. We will be married 3 years in May.


 
I like that. Perfect example of why women should take the inititive more!


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## Chocks away (2 Feb 2009)

Sunny said:


> Not really the shame thats the problem. We just all figured it would be full of strange people!! But I suppose plenty of people have tried it so must have something to offer.


Hi Sunny. I met my husband on line about five years ago. After emailing for a while I decided that I wanted to come to Ireland to check him out. So I boldly went to telecom, got his landline and gave him a call. After that it was phone calls as well as emails. Came to Ireland for six weeks three years ago and the following fall came for good. We are now married almost two years I was a widow with three grown up children, two grandchildren and four step-grandchildren. Alas too late to start a family here but there you go. We visit my folk in Canada quite often and everything is tickedyboo.


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## MandaC (2 Feb 2009)

sandrat said:


> I wouldnt exactly call it online dating but I got chatting to a guy online once. Website in question didnt allow passing on of contact details like email etc but he mentioned to me where he worked. I figured I liked him and wouldnt mind meeting up though he didnt know this til I phoned him at work and we exchanged numbers and met up that weekend. We will be married 3 years in May.



Great Post.

I am now single since last year and had considered online dating as most of my friends are now married/coupled off and I am not really into the pub scene and quite shy.


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## truthseeker (2 Feb 2009)

Chocks away said:


> Hi Sunny. I met my husband on line about five years ago. After emailing for a while I decided that I wanted to come to Ireland to check him out. So I boldly went to telecom, got his landline and gave him a call. After that it was phone calls as well as emails. Came to Ireland for six weeks three years ago and the following fall came for good. We are now married almost two years I was a widow with three grown up children, two grandchildren and four step-grandchildren. Alas too late to start a family here but there you go. We visit my folk in Canada quite often and everything is tickedyboo.


 
Rock on!!!!! Thats a brilliant story!!!


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## sandrat (2 Feb 2009)

MandaC said:


> Great Post.
> 
> I am now single since last year and had considered online dating as most of my friends are now married/coupled off and I am not really into the pub scene and quite shy.


 
We will match you up with someone on here? 

I am totally not into the pub scene even though I was a student at the time I met the other half


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## Sunny (2 Feb 2009)

sandrat said:


> We will match you up with someone on here?


 
Ha ha. Deadly idea. Who would you place her with? Suppose you would have to examine past posts to build a profile. This could be a nice sideline business for askaboutmoney!


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## truthseeker (2 Feb 2009)

MandaC said:


> Great Post.
> 
> I am now single since last year and had considered online dating as most of my friends are now married/coupled off and I am not really into the pub scene and quite shy.


 
Dont dig the pub scene myself.

You should defo try the online dating - another option with it is they organise nights out (dinner usually, and then drinks) for members of the websites (well maybefriends used to), and you can go and just get to meet lots of other single people with no pressure.


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## sandrat (2 Feb 2009)

Sunny said:


> Ha ha. Deadly idea. Who would you place her with? Suppose you would have to examine past posts to build a profile. This could be a nice sideline business for askaboutmoney!


 
we'll take submissions from the singles


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## Purple (2 Feb 2009)

sandrat said:


> I wouldnt exactly call it online dating but I got chatting to a guy online once. Website in question didnt allow passing on of contact details like email etc but he mentioned to me where he worked. I figured I liked him and wouldnt mind meeting up though he didnt know this til I phoned him at work and we exchanged numbers and met up that weekend. We will be married 3 years in May.


So that guy found someone who was into dressing up in fetish gear... or was that someone else?


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## sandrat (2 Feb 2009)

I can't help being so dominating


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## Caveat (2 Feb 2009)

Well I have to say, in all seriousness, without attempt at flirtation nor intent to embarrass, if MandaC's 'posting personality' is anything to go by, she sounds absolutely charming.  So there.


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## Sunny (2 Feb 2009)

Caveat said:


> Well I have to say, in all seriousness, without attempt at flirtation nor intent to embarrass, if MandaC's 'posting personality' is anything to go by, she sounds absolutely charming. So there.


 
You sweet talker!

Actually do we know where she stands on the whole public versus private sector debate? Not sure the camps are allowed to mix judging by various posts on the subject!!


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## sandrat (2 Feb 2009)

Caveat said:


> Well I have to say, in all seriousness, without attempt at flirtation nor intent to embarrass, if MandaC's 'posting personality' is anything to go by, she sounds absolutely charming. So there.


 
get a room


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## MandaC (2 Feb 2009)

Caveat said:


> Well I have to say, in all seriousness, without attempt at flirtation nor intent to embarrass, if MandaC's 'posting personality' is anything to go by, she sounds absolutely charming.  So there.



......And flattery, folks, will get you everywhere!!


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## sandrat (2 Feb 2009)

MandaC said:


> ......And flattery, folks, will get you everywhere!!


 
you're in there Caveat


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## becky (2 Feb 2009)

I know a girl doing online dating.  I'm so exhausted listening to her - not joking in 4 months she must have had 50 dates.


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## Sunny (3 Feb 2009)

becky said:


> I know a girl doing online dating. I'm so exhausted listening to her - not joking in 4 months she must have had 50 dates.


 
There seems to be a lot of girls doing this online dating. Why wasn't it around when I was single! I presume plenty of men do it as well. Is it just that they don't admit to it?


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## Chocks away (3 Feb 2009)

becky said:


> I know a girl doing online dating.  I'm so exhausted listening to her - not joking in 4 months she must have had 50 dates.


Saving up for a mortgage, is she?


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## Angrygirl (3 Feb 2009)

i worked for a company that ran one of the online dating sites, i was managing the site so had to put up a profile, was only 3 weeks single so i was honest and said sure why not... I will be 2 years with my DP in April, living together a year on friday..

He is very embarrased that he was on a dating site, he was sick of pub/clubs and thought he had nothing to loose by being on a dating site, none of his friends know the real way we met cause he's afraid they'd slag him


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## Sunny (3 Feb 2009)

Angrygirl said:


> i worked for a company that ran one of the online dating sites, i was managing the site so had to put up a profile, was only 3 weeks single so i was honest and said sure why not... I will be 2 years with my DP in April, living together a year on friday..
> 
> He is very embarrased that he was on a dating site, he was sick of pub/clubs and thought he had nothing to loose by being on a dating site, none of his friends know the real way we met cause he's afraid they'd slag him


 
Nice one. I presume you didn't call yourself Angrygirl on that site though!


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## Angrygirl (3 Feb 2009)

Sunny said:


> Nice one. I presume you didn't call yourself Angrygirl on that site though!


 
ha ha no, my very first post on this site was a rant so the name was fitting for it..


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## sandrat (3 Feb 2009)

Sunny said:


> Nice one. I presume you didn't call yourself Angrygirl on that site though!


 
Trying to think back, think mine might have been wickedwitch cos that was my email at the time before i had to start applying for jobs


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## Caveat (3 Feb 2009)

Sunny said:


> I presume plenty of men do it as well. Is it just that they don't admit to it?


 
I'd say so - it's very silly IMO - there is still a stigma amongst the "propping up the bar and talking crap" types. It's as if you're less than a man because you had to "resort" to a dating site.  I really don't know what the big deal is - TBH I think I'd find it quite exciting but mostly it's just a sensible, practical way of giving yourself a better chance of finding the right person.


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## truthseeker (3 Feb 2009)

Caveat said:


> I really don't know what the big deal is - TBH I think I'd find it quite exciting but mostly it's just a sensible, practical way of giving yourself a better chance of finding the right person.



I view it as just another way to social network.
People meet people in bars/clubs/at social events/penpals back before there was email/through other friends...etc....etc....

Online dating is just another one of those ways to connect with a human.


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## Caveat (3 Feb 2009)

truthseeker said:


> penpals


 
Yep. Same thing really.  Actually a previous girlfriend of mine started off as a penpal.


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## Betsy Og (3 Feb 2009)

tis a loss to me it wasnt there in my time, only ever had modest success in the pub/niteclub scene. Not complaining re my current blissfull existance or anything (in case herself scans this thread ).

Friend of mine seems well on their way to a day out arising from online dating so I think its a great idea. 

How can you expect to get to know someone when you cant even hear them in a niteclub - plus niteclubs are such a "one night stand" scenario. At least with online, you know there's only a 10% chance of hooking up, but its a small investment, small loss of face/esteem if it doesnt work out.


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## becky (3 Feb 2009)

Chocks away said:


> Saving up for a mortgage, is she?


 
She is indeed.

I'm not sure if I get you but I presum you are thinking she is very anxious to settle down and get married and you'd be right.


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## sandrat (3 Feb 2009)

becky said:


> She is indeed.
> 
> I'm not sure if I get you but I presum you are thinking she is very anxious to settle down and get married and you'd be right.


 
I took it to mean she was getting lots of free dinners so helping her save up!


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## Vanilla (3 Feb 2009)

I took it to mean something offensive but maybe I am bad-minded.

On-line dating wasn't common when I was single but dating via personal ads etc was definitely considered embarrassing. Actually any guy especially who was considered to be aggressively looking for someone was pitied. But then if they actually met someone they were applauded.

I remember an old family friend who was too shy to even talk to a woman until he turned 40, then he suddenly decided he wanted to meet and marry someone and went out EVERYWHERE in an all-out effort to find a wife ( and made no bones about what his intentions were). I used to meet him at the local rugby club where he basically went around chatting everyone up, asking for dates, even a dance- he was incorrigible. He was generally sniggered at for about a year, then he met a gorgeous girl, and married her and had children and now everyone says- wasn't he the smart fellow!


For some reason it's considered trying too hard if you want to meet someone and show it. But sure, isn't that what most people want? 

So what the hell, you'll be a long time regretting the things you don't do.


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## S.L.F (3 Feb 2009)

First Sunny says



Sunny said:


> Thanks, I would but I reckon my fiancee would castrate me!! I would be crap at covering my tracks as well. Always figured it would be too much work to have an affair! Don't know how people do it


 
Then truthseeker says



truthseeker said:


> Its fun - and its a great way of meeting someone


 
Don't worry truthseeker we won't say a word.
............................................



sandrat said:


> We will match you up with someone on here?


 
You could try this poster 
http://www.askaboutmoney.com/showpost.php?p=782952&postcount=55



Caveat said:


> I'd say so - it's very silly IMO - there is still a stigma amongst the "propping up the bar and talking crap" types.


 
And what's wrong with propping up the bar a talking crap.

I speak that language fluently.


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## sandrat (3 Feb 2009)

S.L.F said:


> You could try this poster
> http://www.askaboutmoney.com/showpost.php?p=782952&postcount=55


 
He is just randy cos his wife is damiened


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## Chocks away (3 Feb 2009)

becky said:


> She is indeed.
> 
> I'm not sure if I get you but I presume you are thinking she is very anxious to settle down and get married and you'd be right.


Actually, I was alluding to her saving money. I presume most fellows push the boat out with a first date.


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## S.L.F (3 Feb 2009)

Chocks away said:


> I presume most fellows push the boat out with a first date.


 
Yeah but did they get to hoist the main sail.


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