# You are getting old when.....



## jasconius (14 May 2008)

1. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work. 
2. The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals. 
3. You feel like the night before, and you haven't been anywhere. 
4. Your little black book contains only names ending in M. D. 
5. You get winded playing cards. 
6. You join a health club and don't go. 
7. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions. 
8. You look forward to a dull evening. 
9. You need glasses to find your glasses. 
10. You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons. 
11. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. 
12. Your knees buckle, but your belt won't. 
13. Your back goes out more than you do. 
14. You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine chest. 
15. You sink your teeth in a steak and they stay there. 
16. YOU WONDER WHY MORE PEOPLE DON'T USE THIS SIZE PRINT.


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## Sue Ellen (14 May 2008)

Speaking from personal experience?


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## DavyJones (14 May 2008)

17. When you bend down to pick something off the floor, you think to yourself " is there anything else I need while I'm down here"


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## mf1 (14 May 2008)

18. As you're standing on the landing, you  forget whether you were going up or coming down the stairs!

And yes, I regret, this is (one of them) how I know...........

mf


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## becky (14 May 2008)

DavyJones said:


> 17. When you bend down to pick something off the floor, you think to yourself " is there anything else I need while I'm down here"


 

Heard that on today FM about 2 years ago and was in knots laughing in the car. Here's another one that I've been guilty of many times and from the same show

18. Giving directions to someone using names of pubs/nightsclubs/hotels which have not existed for over 10 years.


So sorry to all the people who looked for the Oasis nightclub in Salthill.


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## msmyth (14 May 2008)

19. You buy flat shoes in Clarkes as fashion just isn't worth having sore feet.


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## becky (14 May 2008)

msmyth said:


> 19. You buy flat shoes in Clarkes as fashion just isn't worth having sore feet.


 
I actually bought a pair of garbour shoes a few weeks ago for this reason.  My mother nearly fainted when I told her.


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## DavyJones (14 May 2008)

My mate always says " I used to be with it, then they changed what it was"


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## Superman (14 May 2008)

becky said:


> I actually bought a pair of garbour shoes a few weeks ago for this reason.  My mother nearly fainted when I told her.


You know you are getting REALLY old when...
your children identify things with something on this list


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## ninsaga (14 May 2008)

you ask questions such as....'Who's Shane Ward?'


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## GeneralZod (14 May 2008)

20. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.


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## oldtimer (14 May 2008)

21. Your wife says lets go upstairs and make love and you reply ''I cant do both.''


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## Bluebells (15 May 2008)

Noel V. Ginnity used to say that the surest sign is when you get up one morning, and realise that you have a fifty year old, bald headed son


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## Caveat (15 May 2008)

22. You buy combats for no reason other than "all those little pockets are actually very useful really"


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## Dearg Doom (15 May 2008)

DavyJones said:


> My mate always says " I used to be with it, then they changed what it was"



23. When you don't recognise a line from The Simpson's. 

Abe: I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now, what I'm with isn't it, and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me.

Episode: 3F21 Homerpalooza


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## DavyJones (15 May 2008)

Dearg Doom said:


> 23. When you don't recognise a line from The Simpson's.
> 
> Abe: I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now, what I'm with isn't it, and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me.
> 
> Episode: 3F21 Homerpalooza


 
D'oh


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## Remix (15 May 2008)

When asked by a doctor to describe your main symptom of getting older you forget what it is....

And then it suddenly comes back to you - it's memory loss (Happened to me )


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## Sue Ellen (15 May 2008)

oldtimer said:


> 21. Your wife says lets go upstairs and make love and you reply ''I cant do both.''



Time to buy a bungalow so


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## becky (15 May 2008)

Caveat said:


> 22. You buy combats for no reason other than "all those little pockets are actually very useful really"


 

But secretly you think you're being a bit modern at the same time .

There is a 50 yr women in work who wears a pair this time of the year with her 'nice' shoes - not a great look.


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## Carpenter (15 May 2008)

I think it was Jonathon Ross who said he knew he was getting old when he actually contemplated buying one of those battery operated "clippers" for trimming nose hair!


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## AlastairSC (15 May 2008)

mf1 said:


> 18. As you're standing on the landing, you  forget whether you were going up or coming down the stairs!



Or when you go into a room and forget what you came for, so you decide to return to the starting point to help you remember (we all do this!), but then you find you can't remember where you started from so now you tour the house looking for signs of recent activity like a diy job in progress or the phone off the hook or strange looks from your family or the dog scratching to be let in/out......


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## ninsaga (16 May 2008)

...the cool DJ that once occupied the 7-9 slot on local radio is now actually an annoying little bollix who is always shouting about something & plays sh!te music


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## Elphaba (16 May 2008)

....when you get all excited going to the garden centre and spend a load of money on different varieties of grass for your garden.......when you suddenly have a fond memory of an entirely different type of grass you smoked in your youth, where you smoked it and who with and garden centres were the furthest thing from your mind and generally were Old Biddy Domains.


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## mell61 (16 May 2008)

when you complain about putting on weight around the waist and your mother tells you its Middle Aged spread!


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## greenfield (16 May 2008)

When you are walking down the road and see your mother in the reflection in a shop window... only it isn;t your mother


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## ninsaga (16 May 2008)

... the one that hit me before was when someone said that the day you start holding onto little bits of timber just cause you might need them to stir the paint.... is the day you become your da!......oh how true.


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## Armada (16 May 2008)

Or when you go shopping and a couple of hours later forget where you parked the car!!


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## S.L.F (16 May 2008)

I'm just waiting for the king of punk rock, Johnny Rotten, to do a documentary on insects or a celebrity big brother show then I'd know I was getting old


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## DavyJones (18 May 2008)

Armada said:


> Or when you go shopping and a couple of hours later forget where you parked the car!!


 

With hilarious consequences like in "Dude, where's my car"


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## davfran (20 May 2008)

You're getting old when you make a shopping list and forget to take it with you.


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## ney001 (20 May 2008)

ninsaga said:


> ... the one that hit me before was when someone said that the day you start holding onto little bits of timber just cause you might need them to stir the paint.... is the day you become your da!......oh how true.



D'oh was just thinking none of the others applied me yet when I saw this one


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## Caveat (20 May 2008)

Deleted - I'm slow - must be old age...


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## Jock04 (20 May 2008)

I used to laugh at a workmate who said "you know......when it takes you all night to do what you used to do all night"


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## Purple (20 May 2008)

greenfield said:


> When you are walking down the road and see your mother in the reflection in a shop window... only it isn;t your mother


In my case that would signify a hormone imbalance...


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## Jock04 (20 May 2008)

Purple said:


> In my case that would signify a hormone imbalance...


 

Or a worryingly poor choice of overcoat & hat


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## Purple (20 May 2008)

Jock04 said:


> Or a worryingly poor choice of overcoat & hat



Only on the second Tuesday of every month


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## Black Sheep (20 May 2008)

Saw a man aged about 75 man or perhaps more in a restaurant the other day wearing a pair of combats and he looked a million dollars. Bet he didn't think he was too old


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## Buddyboy (21 May 2008)

Black Sheep said:


> Saw a man aged about 75 man or perhaps more in a restaurant the other day wearing a pair of combats and he looked a million dollars.


 
What, all green and crinkley? 

Or when you are having a shower and you find your first grey hair "down there"


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## Caveat (21 May 2008)

Buddyboy said:


> Or when you are having a shower and you find your first grey hair "down there"


 
Great.  Something else to look forward to that I hadn't considered.


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## truthseeker (21 May 2008)

When your friends (and you) all refuse to go to a pub because 'we wont get seats/its too loud to talk/you cant park near it'


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## Welfarite (21 May 2008)

Buddyboy said:


> Or when you are having a shower and you find your first grey hair "down there"


 
...if you can see over your belly. 

When you are watching the vintage/classic cars drive by in the Paddy's Day parade in your local town and you see a model that you used to own and drive.


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## mell61 (21 May 2008)

you buy tickets to the biggest concert this decade, and wonder where you can park that is close to the venue! 
(remember the old days of the taking the bus and a few cans)


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## truthseeker (21 May 2008)

mell61 said:


> you buy tickets to the biggest concert this decade, and wonder where you can park that is close to the venue!


 
and realise it was also the biggest concert many decades ago and the singers have barely any voices left.....


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## Caveat (21 May 2008)

mell61 said:


> you buy tickets to the biggest *concert*


 
You are getting old when you call it a concert instead of a _gig _


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## eileen alana (21 May 2008)

*George Carlin's Views on Aging* 

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. 

"How old are you?" *"*I'm four *and a half!" *You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key 

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. 

"How old are you?" "I'm *gonna be *16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . You *become* 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony *YOU BECOME 21 YESSSS!!! *

But then you* turn *30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed? 

You* BECOME *21, you *TURN *30, then you're *PUSHING* 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you *REACH* 50 and your dreams are gone.*

But wait!!! *You *MAKE it *to 60. You didn't think you would! 

So you *BECOME* 21, *TURN* 30, *PUSH* 40, *REACH *50 and *MAKE it *to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you *HIT* 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! 

You *get into *your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I *Was JUST *92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" 
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!


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## DavyJones (31 May 2008)

When you pay loads of money to see Tom Waits.
Who's Tom Waits?


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