# Marriage Over



## green1 (17 Jan 2009)

Hi all, 

I'm in a very difficult situation and would appreciate any advice. 

My husband is having a serious affair and tells me our marriage is over after 25 years. I do not work outside the home since we married. He refuses to separate but instead wants to continue living in the family home and is adamant that he will not leave until he is good and ready. He also refuses to attend counselling.

As a result of this situation I am under severe emotional strain and would like to know if there is any form of legal protection for me or do I have to wait until he decides to leave.

Thanks


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## putsch (17 Jan 2009)

Hi

You need to get good personal legal advice. If you can afford it you should go to a private solicitor - ask them first if they are experienced in family law. If you can't afford a private solicitor you can get family law aid from the Legal Aid Board - see list of Centres here http://www.legalaidboard.ie/lab/publishing.nsf/Content/Law_Centres


Good luck.


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## olddoll (17 Jan 2009)

I would also suggest that you contact Women's Aid, tel 1800 341 900.  They will be able to offer you helpful advice and support at this difficult time for you.  They can also put you in touch with good legal advice.

Best of luck


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## green1 (17 Jan 2009)

Thank you for your advice.I will do as you suggest.


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## murphaph (17 Jan 2009)

You do not have to wait for him to do anything-you can instigate divorce proceedings yourself as he has committed adultery.
Edit: No you can't as pointed out by mf1. That citizens information link is good though. 

Get independent advice from the above sources and good luck.


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## D8Lady (17 Jan 2009)

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. 
I'd say to try to get some good emotional support. 
Go contact the groups mentioned by other posters. 
For general information on divorce proceedings in Ireland, have a look at this site: 

[broken link removed]

Best of luck.


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## mf1 (18 Jan 2009)

Divorce is not an option - they would have to have lived apart for 4 years. 

mf


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## truthseeker (18 Jan 2009)

See this link from citizens information:
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/c...orce/judicial_separation/?searchterm=adultery


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## green1 (18 Jan 2009)

It's good to know that I have options and some control.It's a very scary time for me after all these years.I will contact a solicitor.Thank you all for your advice.


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## truthseeker (18 Jan 2009)

green1 said:


> It's good to know that I have options and some control.It's a very scary time for me after all these years.I will contact a solicitor.Thank you all for your advice.


 
Hi OP,
As well as a solicitor you should contact a support group of some sort (another poster suggested womens aid) - it IS a scary time for you and emotional support is just as important as legal advice.
Im sorry to hear of your troubles and hope that you manage to work things out for yourself.


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## Madilla (18 Jan 2009)

Just to clarify re divorce being an option. The living apart condition does not actually mean you have to be living in seperate houses. You can actually be considered to satisy the condition even if you still reside in the same house.


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## Thirsty (19 Jan 2009)

Some more useful sites for you to have a look at

www.rollercoaster.ie (separation & divorce board)
www.solo.ie (good spreadsheet on calculating maintenance)
www.treoir.ie (for advice on parenting alone if that applies to you)


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## Danmo (20 Jan 2009)

murphaph said:


> You do not have to wait for him to do anything-you can instigate divorce proceedings yourself as he has committed adultery.
> Edit: No you can't as pointed out by mf1. That citizens information link is good though.
> 
> Get independent advice from the above sources and good luck.


 
You can't instigate divorce proceedings until you have lived apart for four years. We also have 'no fault' divorce in this country so adultry is not relevant here.


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## Bronte (20 Jan 2009)

OP I'm sorry for your predicament.  It sounds like your husband is bullying you.  You need independant legal advise as suggested by other posters and also some emotional support.  I hope you know where and what all the marital assets are and if not now is the time to find out (property, bank accounts, husband's income etc)


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## D8Lady (20 Jan 2009)

Hi Green1, 
I came acrosss this article called "How to leave your husband". Its US based but still has some relevant points to make. 
It a nutshell: 
 1. Start your own savings account if haven’t already.  
 2. Establish your own banking identity free of joint accounts. 
 3. Quietly get a copy of all relevant documents e.g. payslips, P60s, bank statements, credit card statements. Keep these with your solicitor or trusted relative.
 4. Look at training options so that you can plan for your own future.
 5. Get a few business suits – Marks & Spencer have some nice ones. Consider this as armour for formal proceedings, job interviews or when you might be going through hell, you can at least look good.

Its obvious that this is deeply upsetting but if you can  take control of the siutation as much as possible and start looking forward, you won't feel as helpless as waiting until "he is good and ready".

Besy of luck.


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