# Personal Space



## ney001 (19 Mar 2010)

I don't know if this is just me, but I find in general that women don't seem to have any concept of other peoples personal space.  Pretty much every morning I get a coffee at the same garage.  Now, whilst any men in the queue will stand back, not crowd you, wait until you have moved to one side before preparing their own coffee, the women will barge on in there, stand practically on top of you and start reaching all around you to get sugar, milk etc whilst leaving their keys, purses, scarves etc lying in your way.   I also find the same thing at bank link machines, women tend to stand very close to you whilst men keep a distance, in my opinion they are much more aware of personal spaces.  

I don't know maybe it's just because I am a bit claustrophobic but I just HATE when people crowd me.


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## Sue Ellen (19 Mar 2010)

Maybe they like you ..............


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## ney001 (19 Mar 2010)

Sue Ellen said:


> Maybe they like you ..............



Awwwww that means the men don't!    Shucks!


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## Caveat (19 Mar 2010)

Ha!

I'm making a few assumptions here ney - you are you from 'the country' but work in the city?

Country people apparently have a greater need for personal space than city people do so will feel encroachment more.  Men are a lot less tactile than women generally so will avoid being up close and personal a bit more.

In general the Irish don't need much personal space though IME, compared with other countries.


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## ney001 (19 Mar 2010)

Nope from the big shmoke but living and working in the country!  nice try though. 

This isn't just people standing a little bit too close, just this morning a woman stood behind me whilst I was making my coffee, she had her arms crossed and was so close to me that they were touching my back - honestly she was that close! ( I would almost understand if there was a large queue behind her causing her to get pushed forward but no - just her nobody else! )  I actually just got my coffee from the machine and moved quickly to the side, she swoops in then continues to get her sugar etc no excuse me, etc.  Now, this is just one example, but I have noticed it now for months and months.  Women are very poor at appreciating personal space! - although admittedly this mornings episode was closer than most!

I will say this... I am a bad candidate for 'close encounters' and a little more sensitive than most to this as I really am quite claustrophobic!


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## liaconn (19 Mar 2010)

I hate that kind of thing myself, but to be honest, don't notice much difference between men and women re personal space. What I can't stand is if I'm in a queue and someone is standing too close behind me, so I edge forward a bit and then they edge forward so they're still on top of me and keep doing it. Also, if I'm sitting on a bus and someone stands with their This post will be deleted if not edited to remove bad language up against my face. Aaaagh.


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## ney001 (19 Mar 2010)

I actually did have to ask a woman to step back one time, I was standing in the queue for KFC and her giant boobs were touching my back - honest to god and every time I moved forward she moved with me.  I moved to the side but she just moved on up and stood right beside me in queue as if taking my place so I got back into the queue and asked if she could just not stand so close.  Jaysus I won't be doing that in a hurry again! spent the next ten minutes listening to her at the top of her voice " who the bleedin **** does she tink she is etc etc" - so now I just start sweating and panicking until I can get outta there!


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## Bill Struth (19 Mar 2010)

It's my pet hate!

A good tip is if you're in a queue and you can feel someones breath on the back of your neck, turn so that you're side on with them, more often than not this will make them step back. 

If that fails then just ask them "Are we dating? No? Then BACK OFF!"


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## truthseeker (19 Mar 2010)

I hate it - it always happens me in the bank, and its nearly always women.

From years of working in a supermarket and observing queues I have discovered the trick of getting them to back up.

They stand in so close that theyre almost touching you - move back a fraction so they ARE touching you. If they dont back up, start leaning a little on them. Theyll move.

Alternatively start acting like you have Tourettes, both verbal and physical tics - if that doesnt make them move, nothing will.


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## delgirl (19 Mar 2010)

ney001 said:


> I will say this... I am a bad candidate for 'close encounters' and a little more sensitive than most to this as I really am quite claustrophobic!


[broken link removed]


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## liaconn (19 Mar 2010)

By the way, Ney, if someone stands too close behind me at an ATM I have no problem staring at them until they move back a bit. Leaving aside personal space issues, that is just a no no from a security point of view and people should know better.


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## Vanilla (19 Mar 2010)

Caveat said:


> In general the Irish don't need much personal space though IME, compared with other countries.


 
Try going to the fish counter in a French supermarket on Christmas eve, or on the eve of any public holiday, and then  you will never, never complain about the irish concept of personal space again.


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## haminka1 (19 Mar 2010)

i don't think it's a female thing - I personally absolutely hate it when somebody is invading my personal space and can't stand strangers touching me or standing close to me ...
i have a colleague who is a total space invader /and i don't mean it in the "final frontier" conquistador way/ ... he'd be standing really close to you and just stare at you - he is actually a rather nice guy but this habit gives me the creeps and i feel acutely uncomfortable when I have to talk to him


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## cobalt (19 Mar 2010)

Vanilla said:


> Try going to the fish counter in a French supermarket on Christmas eve, or on the eve of any public holiday, and then you will never, never complain about the irish concept of personal space again.


Try China. In a queue, if you leave a standard (Irish) amount of space between you and the person in front, someone else will nip in between you! The only way to prevent that is to move right up against your neighbour. As a nation, they appear to have no concept of personal space at all.


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## Caveat (19 Mar 2010)

Makes sense - Indians are the same. They are not used to having much space. 

Germans and especially Scandinavians need a fair bit apparently. French/Spanish/Italians much less so.

I've had a few unusual American experiences - they need a *load* of space.

I've had people jump as if I were trying to assault or grope them simply because I got too close for their liking. I've seen bars in the states described as ' totally packed' because there were simply a handful of people standing. It can be quite funny sometimes - I felt unintentionally intimidating going to the bar or bathroom as people literally parted before me and made way for me!


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## AgathaC (19 Mar 2010)

ney001 said:


> I don't know maybe it's just because I am a bit claustrophobic but I just HATE when people crowd me.


+1. I havent noticed it as being a particularly female trait, but it drives me mad.


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## mathepac (19 Mar 2010)

ney001 said:


> ...  but I just HATE when people crowd me.


That's what God invented elbows for! I believe I'm pretty good at respecting others' personal space, but I'm also adept at protecting my own. I don't get physical with "lady" invaders, but use my Barry White voice (like Joey "The Lips" in the Commitments!) to express pleasure at them clambering all over me. It usually works.


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## batty (19 Mar 2010)

I had a boss who used to put his hand on the back of my chair & the other on my desk.  He was (& probably still is!) 6'4 so he was literally looming over me.  i copped on & when I'd see him coming I'd wait until he was quite close & leap up from my chair, this sometimes meant I'd hit him in the chest.  I'd say sorry then keep inching closer to him so that he'd literally back away.  I could walk him back to his own desk 60 feet away doing this.

Colleagues thought it very funny.

I don't like invasion of personal space either so if somebody gets too close in a queue I'm a fan of turing sideways.  If that doesn't work I'll turn around & face the "invader" or in a supermarket take something out of my basket & ask something like " I love baked beans, do you think these are tasty baked beans" or "what do you think of my coat, do you think red is really my colour, well do you"  Works a dream.


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## DeeFox (22 Mar 2010)

I wouldn't have thought women are the main offenders - men definitely do it too.  My tip if you're in a queue is to move yourself and your bag around and sort of jostle them with the bag if possible.  I also don't move forward much and leave a nice space in front of me because I think that drives them mad, and makes it look more obvious that they are too close.
I agree that it is most annoying - I hate it when I can feel someone's  breath on my neck or when someone is sniffling and hacking away right next to me...yuurggghh!


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## Latrade (22 Mar 2010)

A healthy portion of cabbage with your lunch helps more than anything else. 

The no go zone after is handy for any personal space issues and also gives you plenty of room on the bus, luas or whatever. It's surprising how quickly even the most packed bus can clear once the alarm is raised.


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## JJ1982 (22 Mar 2010)

Carry a whoppee cushion under your arm, the minute they come to close press on it, I would be gone like a shot anyway if it were me in your space!


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## Complainer (22 Mar 2010)

JJ1982 said:


> Carry a whoppee cushion under your arm, the minute they come to close press on it, I would be gone like a shot anyway if it were me in your space!


The organic option is much more effective.


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## MandaC (22 Mar 2010)

Woman up my back in Superquinn once.  Everytime I moved an inch forward she did likewise.  I asked her with a perfectly straight face if she wanted a jockey back!

The youngsters on the checkout could not stop laughing and she was mortified.


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## Vanilla (23 Mar 2010)

MandaC said:


> I asked her with a perfectly straight face if she wanted a jockey back!


 
Is that a posh way of saying a piggy back?


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## Caveat (23 Mar 2010)

Vanilla said:


> Is that a posh way of saying a piggy back?


 
Lol 

I decided to say nothing meself. I'm pretty sure it's a Dub thing.


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## ney001 (23 Mar 2010)

Caveat said:


> Lol
> 
> I decided to say nothing meself. I'm pretty sure it's a Dub thing.



Don't mind em Mandac, I say Jockey back as well!


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## JP1234 (23 Mar 2010)

My brother has a trick of rocking back and forward, emitting a low level hum, gradually getting faster and louder when people stand too close to him - he says it never fails.

I also know someone who simply turns round and grins maniacally at the person behind.

Me, I prefer frantically start scratching the back of my head with both hands if possible


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## MandaC (23 Mar 2010)

Lots of comments from the cheap seats

I was actually going to say piggy back to be posh, but then thought, nah, I would never say piggy back,  it was always a jockey back!

The woman did not take me up on my kind offer!


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## Rois (25 Mar 2010)

Hate anyone in my personal space, especially when they're so close and insist on making conversation that some of their spit hits you right on the face. 

Worst of all in a busy pub when you're trying to buy some drinks and the bar person decides every man should be served first, even though you've been waiting longer, drives me mad.


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## IsleOfMan (25 Mar 2010)

I was in the Stillorgan shopping centre on Monday, before 10.a.m and decided to park my car in the "empty" section away from the other cars huddled close to the supermarket. When I returned to my car there was a woman who had just parked her car next to mine despite there being dozens of empty spaces available all around!  This happened in Woodies car park last week. They had parked so close I had difficulty opening my door. Again there were empty spaces all around.  Drives...me mad!


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## csirl (25 Mar 2010)

ParkLane said:


> I was in the Stillorgan shopping centre on Monday, before 10.a.m and decided to park my car in the "empty" section away from the other cars huddled close to the supermarket. When I returned to my car there was a woman who had just parked her car next to mine despite there being dozens of empty spaces available all around! This happened in Woodies car park last week. They had parked so close I had difficulty opening my door. Again there were empty spaces all around. Drives...me mad!


 
I'm with you on this one - if possible, I usually park beside some vacant spaces so as to make it easy to get in/out and so that my doors dont get banged by a careless driver in the next space. 

I have a relative who always parks beside another car even if the carpark is empty [I dont think she's the woman who parked beside you as she doesnt live anywhere near Stillorgan!]. After seeing her do this a few times while travelling with her I asked her why? The reason is that some driving instructors teach people how to park using adjacent cars as visual aides to straigthen up the car in the space & practice this as it is sometimes tested in a driving test. So my relative learned to park a car using an adjacent car as an aid rather than using the white lines on the ground. She admitted that she finds it more difficult to use the white lines because she's so used to the method she was thought. And to be honest, I believe her - car is always crooked if she has to park somewhere with no adjacent cars. I expect that there are a lot of similar drivers out there


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## DB74 (25 Mar 2010)

I was out in Dundrum early one morning to pick up a car seat for my new daughter. I had my son with me so parked in a parent and child parking spot. There was about 3 spaces occupied in the *whole* car park.

Yet while I struggled to fit the car seat and therefore had the passenger door wide open, some woman drove into the car park and proceeded to wait with engine running because my passenger door was blocking the car space which she wanted to use. This despite that fact that there was about another 200+ empty spaces in the car park!

Took me ages to fit that car seat


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## DeeFox (25 Mar 2010)

ParkLane said:


> I was in the Stillorgan shopping centre on Monday, before 10.a.m and decided to park my car in the "empty" section away from the other cars huddled close to the supermarket. When I returned to my car there was a woman who had just parked her car next to mine despite there being dozens of empty spaces available all around! This happened in Woodies car park last week. They had parked so close I had difficulty opening my door. Again there were empty spaces all around. Drives...me mad!


 
This strange phenomena often applies to people sitting in cafes/restaurants too - when I used to work in a restaurant where people sat themselves they, more often than not, would go and sit next to the only other occupied table in the place.  A throwback to hunter gatherer/safety in crowds??!


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## thedaras (25 Mar 2010)

Women may do this as we are great multi tasking,and time management.

If you are getting your coffee,they are making use of their time,instead of standing around doing nothing, by getting the sugar,spoon etc ready .That way  the next persons isn't delayed.

You see we are a lot busier than the men,usually rushing around and trying to do several things at once.


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## Odea (26 Mar 2010)

It also happens in the clothes shop when you are standing looking at something and someone comes along and starts looking at the same item of clothing as you. They stand beside you and take a great interest as you move the clothes along the clothes rack.  My self and my wife call this the "is there a magnet on my This post will be deleted if not edited to remove bad language" effect.

If you stand back and stare at the person they usually scurry off until they find the next person.


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## JP1234 (26 Mar 2010)

Odea said:


> It also happens in the clothes shop when you are standing looking at something and someone comes along and starts looking at the same item of clothing as you. They stand beside you and take a great interest as you move the clothes along the clothes rack.  My self and my wife call this the "is there a magnet on my This post will be deleted if not edited to remove bad language" effect.
> 
> If you stand back and stare at the person they usually scurry off until they find the next person.



We turn this into a game and find the most obscure thing we can in the shop, stand looking at it, holding it and cooing over it just to see how long before someone else comes over..


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## Elphaba (27 Mar 2010)

DeeFox said:


> I wouldn't have thought women are the main offenders - men definitely do it too.  My tip if you're in a queue is to move yourself and your bag around and sort of jostle them with the bag if possible.  I also don't move forward much and leave a nice space in front of me because I think that drives them mad, and makes it look more obvious that they are too close.



I tried leaving the space in front of me at the post office, but the oul fella behind me says to his mate...that one in the fur coat isn't going anywhere...I replied..'Are you in a hurry? I was incensed, what is their problem? One other thing that really annoys me is women who are completely mean to their kids in the queue, honestly I wouldn't talk to my dog the way some women talk to their kids...then the kids start crying...I wonder why?


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## Odea (28 Mar 2010)

Yet I have seen the Dad queueing in Mc Donalds. He waits until he gets to the counter before turning to the kids and asking them what they want. Then gets annoyed with them when they delay in making up their minds!

Probably the same idiot who waits at the traffic lights for the lights to turn green, then and only then puts on his indicator.


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