# Accused of bullying



## rumble (28 May 2010)

Hi everyone,

Really need your advice as I am a low as I can get at the moment, have already cried my eyes out this morning.

I am a senior in my office and I asked the cleaner (in her 50's)"would she have something that could take a stain off a chair in the reception area as it is not very nice for a stranger to come in and see it" She said "I can't do it now as I am going home" I said " Sure, no problem", I have thought that she was being off with me, so I lifted that chair and replaced it with a clean one.

The next morning my boss takes me and tells me she went to her manager to get assured that I could not tell her what to do, my boss said I'm sure she didn't, she then proceeded to accuse me of bullying her. Now I cannot rememberwhen the was the last time I spoke to this woman but  thankGod I has a witness to our conversation.She constantly moans to everyone here and everyone is fed up with her so that is why my boss is being so filpant about it. But once someone accuses you of bullying your stuck with it.

Now my problem is that last year I hired a 'psyco' (In her 30's)(Had all of us completely fooled for the first 6 mths, could not do enough for you which is why I was so shocked at what happened, I am her supervisor and it was for my old job that whe was hired to do - I got promoted) she who happens to live quite close to me, she has alot of personal issues (going out with a guy who beats her and hiding the relationship from her parents) and on a daily/hourly basis we were listening to them .  One morning she verbally abused me in front of my colleagues regarding a personal issue that had nothing to do with me except for the fact that her neighbour who she had an issue with was my cousin whom I never see from one year to the next.  I was that shocked the only thing I said to her was I don't want to hear anymore.  After that I remained completely professional.

But apparently this was not working for her, so my boss asked me to come , said he would be disappointed in me if I didn't talk to her, she apologised but after I sat in the office and said that work should be a happy place and blah blah blah, and how I didn't realise that she was unhappy, had to psyche myself for that meeting so as I would stay completely calm) She went away completely happy but I have not been. I have gained a stone in weight since this has happened and its all down to this. 
I have since been told by a new employee that she has told them that she was bullyed by me.  I have told my boss but he says there is nothing we can do about this.  I had to stop my parents from going to each of their houses last night (Now my parents are not confrontational but they cannot bear me being treated like this.  I have worked very hard to get to where I am and for two to destroy my reputation is not acceptable.

I have told my boss this morning, that it seems to be o.k. that my name is blackened as long as everyone else is happy! I think enough is enough now, My boss has told me that he isbringing HR over this evening, thankfully I have a witness but that really doesent matter cause I had 3 witnesses to the incident that happened last year but no wrists were slapped.

Feel really hard done and everytime I think about it I start to cry.  Now one of them is sitting opposite me behind a screen but 'I am a professional' I'll manage, no real odds about me. My boss has said unfortunately I am the senior person in the office would be required to let this go.... We work in a factory so the rumours have been rift and I am a local so all my family would have heard also. Think that is what is killing my family so much.  I have worked with the company for 13 years.

I think the company should be made take some sort of action, as I am completely and uterly stressed out trying to remain professional and rising above things. I think they are expected too much from me.

Would love to get some advice from you as i feel I am off no worth.... I was promoted two years ago and i think this rubbed a few people up the wrong way..... Sorry about the long post but I am at the point of no return, have told my manager this morning that if you wanted rid of me there are kinder ways to do it,, think now he finally has seen the effect it has had on me.


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## MandaC (28 May 2010)

I am not sure what your problem is - is it with the cleaner incident or with the bullying cousin person?  Is last years incident gone or has it risen again.

Also, can I ask if you are very young to be in your position - I would certainly not recommend your parents becoming involved in your work situation.  it will not help matters at all.


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## truthseeker (28 May 2010)

Agree with MandaC on the family involvement. That would be the worst possible thing, for them to go to peoples houses etc...

Why would you say to your manager that there are kinder ways to get rid of you? It seems your manager is only responding to other people, not coming down on you for any personal reason?

Is it possible that youre a bit sensitive about things that happen in work? I dont think the cleaning lady incident is a big deal at all, can you not just shrug it off - you say yourself she is very moany - why take it so seriously? Your boss seems quite flippant about it, probably because its not something to be taken seriously?

Similarly with last years incident, it seems that that is sorted and in the past, so no reason for you to still be upset about it?
Or is it just that she recently said something to a new staff member?

I think you do need to rise above it as best you can, dont be fretting about what other staff like to gossip about, perhaps there is some jealousy etc.... Its not something for you to be bothered about it individual incidents are dealt with by your boss and the accusers are not entertained.

Just a small thing to note, the way you yourself speak about the accusers, very personal comments made, the cleaning lady being moany, the other staff member being a psycho - just be careful in the words you use to describe people you work with, as it comes across badly when you describe them in this way. Its important to remain detached from personal likes and dislikes in work - I understand youre just trying to tell your story here, just mentioning this because if thats how you think and post about these people, it could slip from you in a working environment and be overheard by the wrong person.


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## BOXtheFOX (28 May 2010)

Welcome to the managerial side of things. In this place you are expected to ride with the horses and run with the hounds or run with the hare and hunt with the hounds.

The person involved in last years incident it appears fed off the incident and is still feeding off it. The fact that you did nothing but were  related to the person has absolutely nothing to do with you and you were right not to comment on it. Maybe because she cannot stand up to her partner who beats her means she is transferring her anger on to you instead of him. I would be very careful when dealing with this person because you may be set up at a future date when things are not going right in her life.

Asking a cleaner to clean a stain off a chair is normal practice. That's her job and maybe she should have spotted the stain before you pointed it out to her. Would she have cleaned the stain "tomorrow" I wonder or maybe you would have had to remind her again. If you had reminded her a second time she might have accused you of harassing her. Sometimes you can't win. Maybe think about the way you say things. Count to ten and say something along the lines on " I'm looking for your expert opinion on how to remove this stain".

Do not worry about it but at the same time don't over compensate by being over nice to everyone. Just think about what you say before you say it. If you are giving a task to someone.

It would be interesting to know if you have been sent on any courses on how to deal with staff and subordinates and if you company has an " anti bullying policy" in place.


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## rumble (28 May 2010)

Hi MaddaC

My issue is with the 'bullying tag' - I think this has all been brought on because of how the incident was handled last year or not handled as I see it.  
My parents wouldn't get involved anyhow no matter how much they threaten to,but no matter what age I am, I am still their child no matter. 
Thanks for your reply.


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## rumble (28 May 2010)

Thank you all for your replies, probably the main reason why I am being so upset is the incident last year was fed to all of the employees from her point of view I didn't comment.  A few guys stopped speaking to me and they are also local. Shouldn't let it get to me but can't help it when the 2nd bullying allogation happened and they were going to sweep it under the carpet again.


truthseeker, thankyou for pointing that out, yes I am writing out my anger! BOXtheFOX thank you also for your advice.  Will keep you informed as to how I get on.

Keep hearing them say 'your the senior person, they are going through alot of personal issues' but at the end of the day, my name is blackened, wouldn't really care I lived in a city but unfortunately that is not the case.


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## SlugBreath (28 May 2010)

If you look at it another way then she is the one bullying you. A boss can just as easily be bullied by a staff member.
Why is she allowed to sit around the canteen and blacken your name and in effect isolating you from other people. 

Bullying is repeated inappropriate behaviour that undermines your right to dignity at work. It is usually done by one person and aimed at a person or group to make them feel inferior to other people. Bullying can be verbal bullying, physical bullying or otherwise and it can take many different forms such as: 

Social exclusion and isolation
Damaging someone’s reputation by gossip or rumours
Intimidation
Aggressive or obscene language
Repeated requests with impossible tasks or targets


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## rumble (28 May 2010)

Hi Everyone

Just spoke with HR who informed me that it is not bullying (knew that already) she is going to speak to the person, get their story and see if they want to make it formal.  If she does then she runs the risk of dismissal for wrongful accusation.  So I am just waiting to see what happens.  

She has also told me that the way the situation last year was handled was totally incorrect.  She should have been informed.
Feel a little better.


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## Padraigb (28 May 2010)

rumble said:


> ... Feel a little better.



Only a little? It seems to me that you should feel a lot better!


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## dmos87 (28 May 2010)

Hi Rumble,

The only thing you can take from HR being in is "lesson learned". You now know when things are that bad that HR are needed. TBH not enough companies have HR sections to help, one I work in for example. I had a bad case of bullying in the workplace done to me by a girl who just took a disliking to me from day 1. It was agony for about 2 months and she also blackened my name to others to the point where I would never go to the canteen for lunch. Fortunately people saw through this and she was dismissed a few months later for her behavior. I found out about 5 others had complained her also. Since then the workplace has been tranquil with no issues. 

Just hold your head up, you know you have done nothing wrong.


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## rumble (31 May 2010)

Thanks everyone,  I spoke to HR since who has asked this Lady to meet with me but she absolutely refuses.  HR says that she is drawing up a report now and that one of two things will happen an apology will be given to me or a dismissal.  
I have done absolutely nothing wrong but as HR pointed out to me, I am a Lady manager who flew up the ladder very quickly and that in itself would be a good enough reason to be bitter towards me.  Padraicb - You are right my spirits instantly picked up although I still wakened at 5 a.m. on Saturday morning thinking about it.

HR is off now until Thursday so I have to wait until then - since then the cleaning Lady has approached a few of my colleagues and told them that HR is taking my side, I swear when I heard that I couldn't help but think of my school days, my colleagues told her straight awat that they didn't wanted to hear any more about it.  

So hopefully this will be a lesson learned by quite a lot of people in the company and maybe they will get on with what they are getting paid to do.  Well, we live in hope.

Thanks again for all your replies.


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## dmos87 (6 Jun 2010)

Hi Rumble, wanted to check in with you to see how all went? Can you update us


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