# Funeral Arrangements Advice (for me!)



## Tetragon (19 Sep 2013)

I'm single and this has been on my to do list for a long time. 

I'm biting the bullet and tackling it now.

I'm in my mid forties, no close dependants.

I have a thread about making a will here so this may give you an idea where I'm coming from.

I'm a lapsed Catholic - I don't attend mass anymore etc. the whole concept is now alien to me personally. I lead a simple, quiet life and hope to depart the same way ... without any fuss.

I'm thinking of a simple ceremony, a quiet but quick departure via cremation.

What do I need to be aware of? Where do I start? Where should I ask that my ashes be put? etc.


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## Sue Ellen (19 Sep 2013)

Hi Tetragon,

At mid-40s you're getting this matter organised well ahead of time but I see from your other thread that its something that you want to get out of the way.

This key post may/may not give some advice.


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## pudds (19 Sep 2013)

gawd your very young to be thinking of this... I'm past my sell by date and haven't really started yet.


Basically you should have some idea of what you want and then go and discuss it with a funeral undertaker, he will cost things for you and suggest options.

As regards dispersal of the ashes this is your choice as to what you want,  and to choose someone who will take care of that for you.


You could start here  CREMATIONS C.I.C.   or FuneralsOnline


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## shesells (19 Sep 2013)

Consider a humanist ceremony, truly beautiful.


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## Bronte (20 Sep 2013)

Tetragon said:


> . I lead a simple, quiet life and hope to depart the same way ... without any fuss.
> 
> I'm thinking of a simple ceremony, a quiet but quick departure via cremation.


 
I suggest you visit the Island crematorium in Ringaskiddy, Co. Cork and there you will find what you are looking for. A truly beautiful place, and life affirming, even in death.  Go early in the morning to see it at it's best.  Don't look it up on the web, just make a visit.


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## Tired Paul (20 Sep 2013)

Bronte said:


> I suggest you visit the Island crematorium in Ringaskiddy, Co. Cork and there you will find what you are looking for. A truly beautiful place, and life affirming, even in death. Go early in the morning to see it at it's best. Don't look it up on the web, just make a visit.


 
Completely agree with here. 
Having attended my fair share of funerals I have to say the only one that stands out in terms of peace, dignity and (while it may sound inappropriate for the occasion) WOW factor, the Island is truly out of this world. Attended a service there last year, nice calm day, high tide and absolute picturesque setting. A number of overseas family members attended and all of them were commenting on the Island. 
I've since changed my wishes to opt for cremation - I'm only early 40's but at least my family are aware of my wishes should the unthinkable happen - although I don't plan on using the facility anytime soon.


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## Tetragon (22 Sep 2013)

Thanks for all the advice posted above.

I've got lots to read and mull over before I finally put pen to paper.


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## Gaothfar (23 Sep 2013)

It might not be relevant to you but I believe that your funeral wishes are not binding on your next of kin. The thing to do, if you feel your wishes will not be respected (religious relatives have been known to step in and arrange religious funerals for non-believing relatives), is to make the funeral arrangements part of the bequest to a beneficiary.


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## hazelgreen (23 Sep 2013)

You may include your funeral plans in  your will.  You have a choice then of making them 'wishes' or more specifically 'direct' your executor to carry out same which is more legally binding on him.


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## Janet (24 Sep 2013)

Bronte said:


> I suggest you visit the Island crematorium in Ringaskiddy, Co. Cork and there you will find what you are looking for. A truly beautiful place, and life affirming, even in death.  Go early in the morning to see it at it's best.  Don't look it up on the web, just make a visit.



Can you choose where to be cremated or is it linked in anyway to where you live? For example, the crematorium at Newlands Cross describes itself as "designed to fulfill the burial and cremation requirements for West Dublin", while the Mount Jerome website states "whilst we primarily receive funerals from the communities of South Dublin, we also receive funerals from all over Ireland". Just might be another thing to take into consideration.


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## Bronte (24 Sep 2013)

Janet I presume it's down to how many cremations they can do a day, they are limited by how many 'facilities' they have. And limited by time slots. You cannot have one for example in Cork after lunch on Saturdays or at all on Sundays.

Edit - sorry Janet, you are of the other thread.  PM me if you want more details.  The place in Ringaskiddy will not be outdone.  On every aspect.


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## Time (24 Sep 2013)

Is it possible to have a funeral with absolutely no religious involvement at all? I am looking for something quiet and tasteful. Also absolutely no death notices.


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## Janet (24 Sep 2013)

Thanks, don't actually need any details. Having been to Newlands Cross last year for a funeral I kind of expected to land there again last week but instead it was Mount Jerome and I was kind of wondering why. Have to say I far preferred Newlands Cross, even though the graveyard surrounding Mount Jerome looked very creepily interesting.


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## Janet (24 Sep 2013)

Time said:


> Is it possible to have a funeral with absolutely no religious involvement at all? I am looking for something quiet and tasteful. Also absolutely no death notices.



Someone mentioned a humanist ceremony above. I'm not sure what exactly that entails but it might be worth looking into. I know a friend told me last week that she was involved in organising a humanist funeral for someone a while ago and it was a nightmare to organise because you didn't have the traditional aspects of the mass to form a frame of reference. So I'd probably do my best to have as much as possible organised myself ahead of time (if it were feasible). 

I don't know about burial without a religious ceremony but the crematorium part of both of the most recent funerals I've been to weren't religious.


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## SarahMc (24 Sep 2013)

I have been to a funeral/burial which had been planned meticulously by the deceased. Music and speeches by members of the family in local community centre. Poems and words by the grave from family, and a wonderful party afterwards. Very fitting. No reference to religion/God.


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## shesells (25 Sep 2013)

Here is the humanist association funeral page. I was at my first humanist wedding last month and it was truly the most beautiful ceremony I have ever attended. I have already warned my family that I absolutely want a humanist funeral. http://humanism.ie/ceremonies-2/funerals/


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## Bronte (25 Sep 2013)

Time said:


> Is it possible to have a funeral with absolutely no religious involvement at all?


 
Of course it is.  What makes you think it has to be religious?  You won't be able to stop people saying prayers though, it is Ireland after all !


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## Time (25 Sep 2013)

Anyone that knows me would know not to say any prayers.


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## pudds (25 Sep 2013)

Are there still such things as 'pauper's graves'  and whats envolved exactly


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## huskerdu (25 Sep 2013)

pudds said:


> Are there still such things as 'pauper's graves'  and whats envolved exactly



According to our good friend www.citizensinformation.ie
*Burial where the deceased has no means*

  If someone dies without the means to pay for burial and if this person has no traceable next of kin, it is the responsibility of the Department of Social Protection or local authority to ensure that the person is buried in a dignified manner that does not impinge on public health or public decency. The Department or local authority will also be liable for the charges and costs involved in doing so.


http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/death/after_a_death/burials.html


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## pudds (25 Sep 2013)

thanks huskerdu for the links, 'shoulda gone to' CIC


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## RainyDay (30 Sep 2013)

Wouldn't you be tempted to follow this guy's example?

http://metro.co.uk/2013/09/29/fun-l...s-to-pay-tribute-wearing-fancy-dress-4127772/


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## amtc (1 Oct 2013)

Last year, as a 39 year old only child and no close family and no religious friends (although I would be somewhat), I asked my 65 and 75 year old parents who would bury me. (I am not approaching death - as far as I know). 

My mother said she had heard it all, and regaled her work tea morning with this tale.

One of her co-workers happened upon a book in Easons' in O Connell Street that sets out the options. We had more laughs over this....!

Coincidentally, maybe it's with the turning of seasons, but I was thinking of my will today - or lack thereof. Given that my parents will be gone before me (I assume) and the fact that I have no relatives....and no great love for dogs/stray kittens/...to whom do I leave my (negative equity) house, car, savings etc. My god child is in all kinds of addiction, so he'd only waste it...should I just blow the lot on shoes?


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## Bronte (1 Oct 2013)

pudds said:


> thanks huskerdu for the links, 'shoulda gone to' CIC


 

What's CIC?


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## Bronte (1 Oct 2013)

amtc said:


> . Given that my parents will be gone before me (I assume) and the fact that I have no relatives....and no great love for dogs/stray kittens/...to whom do I leave my (negative equity) house, car, savings etc. My god child is in all kinds of addiction, so he'd only waste it...should I just blow the lot on shoes?


 
If you've no will it will go to your parents, you could leave it to your godchild when they are about 30 or 40 or whatever age you think they might actually grow up. You never know down the road when somebody might need the money. One day that godchild of yours might cope on. Surely your NE house has life insurance so that will cover that. While I have a shoe fetish myself, don't think you'll get satisfaction out of that. Failing all that, how about a local charity.  Or someobdy, relation or not, who has been there for you in your life.


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## RainyDay (1 Oct 2013)

Bronte said:


> What's CIC?


Citizens Information Centre


amtc said:


> Last year, as a 39 year old only child and no close family and no religious friends (although I would be somewhat), I asked my 65 and 75 year old parents who would bury me. (I am not approaching death - as far as I know).
> 
> My mother said she had heard it all, and regaled her work tea morning with this tale.
> 
> ...



Don't rule out the option of supporting your god-child in a managed way. If he is getting services from a particular charity or NGO, then you could talk to them about the best way to do this. Or you could set up a formal trust through a solicitor, though obviously this will cost you. You could, for example, give him permanent rights to live in a property, but withhold the right to sell the property. Get good advice from someone in the sector about the best way to structure this.


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## amtc (1 Oct 2013)

RainyDay said:


> Citizens Information Centre
> 
> 
> Don't rule out the option of supporting your god-child in a managed way. If he is getting services from a particular charity or NGO, then you could talk to them about the best way to do this. Or you could set up a formal trust through a solicitor, though obviously this will cost you. You could, for example, give him permanent rights to live in a property, but withhold the right to sell the property. Get good advice from someone in the sector about the best way to structure this.



Wouldn't work, he doesn't live in this country and can't leave where he is (it's a long story....!)

My best friend had a baby a few months ago so that's going to have to be the plan. 

Seems morbid! But sensible!


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## RainyDay (1 Oct 2013)

amtc said:


> Wouldn't work, he doesn't live in this country and can't leave where he is (it's a long story....!)
> 
> My best friend had a baby a few months ago so that's going to have to be the plan.
> 
> Seems morbid! But sensible!



Great to hear you have a plan one way or other. I'm sure that there is a way to help the addict, if that's what you want to do, but of course, it is 100% your own choice and discretion. It would just be a shame to see it go to waste.


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## amtc (2 Oct 2013)

he's got parents....I know if I gave him the opportunity of any cash at this stage, it'd go in his arm. I didn't work hard for what I have for that.


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## RainyDay (2 Oct 2013)

amtc said:


> he's got parents....I know if I gave him the opportunity of any cash at this stage, it'd go in his arm. I didn't work hard for what I have for that.



I'm not being argumentative, and of course it is fully your own choice. Just want to point out that there are ways to support him without giving him cash, or without giving him something that he can turn into cash - if that is what you want to do. I'm not sure of what those ways might be, but if you wanted to talk to people in that sector, I'm sure they could help. Maybe you could fund a rehab service or something?

Though the godchild sounds like a nice option too.


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## amtc (3 Oct 2013)

I had a chat with the rutland centre today, and I'm going to do that.....we're thinking about some kind of business training.

Now I've just turned forty so I don't intend going anywhere soon.


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## BillK (4 Oct 2013)

My sister's husband died recently after a long illness. He was cremated and the service was humanist. It was very moving; some of his poems were read, anyone who wanted to say anything was able to do so, and his favourite music was played.


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## RainyDay (4 Oct 2013)

amtc said:


> I had a chat with the rutland centre today, and I'm going to do that.....we're thinking about some kind of business training.
> 
> Now I've just turned forty so I don't intend going anywhere soon.



Brilliant, delighted to think there might be some good options there. And of course, I hope this is all a fairly academic discussion!


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