# Horse in pub



## slimJim3600 (8 Jul 2003)

Horse walks into a pub and the barman says whats with the long face.


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## ninsaga (8 Jul 2003)

*Ninsaga logs into AAM*

Ninsaga logs into AAM & says 'hey - what's with these crummy jokes!' :rollin


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## slimJim3600 (8 Jul 2003)

*Re: Ninsaga logs into AAM*

ninsaga i dont write the jokes, but there are good and bad ones.

slim


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## Joe Nonety (8 Jul 2003)

*Re: Ninsaga logs into AAM*

A bear walks into the pub with a bandage on its arm and says
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"


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## slimJim3600 (9 Jul 2003)

*Re: Ninsaga logs into AAM*

Joe i love it

keep it up


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## Daffy (10 Jul 2003)

A seal walks into a pub and the barman says "what are you having"
"Anything but a Canadian club," says the seal.


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## penang (11 Jul 2003)

A termite walks into a pub and says " Is the bar tender here?"


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## Alan Moore (11 Jul 2003)

*I couldn't resist*

two elephants walk off a cliff

boom boom


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## ClubMan (11 Jul 2003)

*Re: I couldn't resist*

This dyslexic drunk walked into a bra.


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## ClubMan (11 Jul 2003)

*Re: I couldn't resist*

This squirrel had spent the whole day drinking when the barman eventually told him that he'd had enough and should go home. So the squirrel staggered out the door only to reappear half an hour later. _"What brings you back?"_, exclaimed the barman*. _"I'm locked out of me tree"_, replied the squirrel. How we all laughed...

(* Disclaimer: sorry - I simply read too many _Enid Blyton_ books when I was young   ).


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## ClubMan (11 Jul 2003)

*Re: I couldn't resist*

A man suffering from really bad piles returned to his doctor with a half finished packet of suppositories and complained _"for all the good these XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX you gave me are doing I may as well be shoving them up me This post will be deleted if not edited to remove bad language!"_


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## DCU (11 Jul 2003)

*dyslexic*

This dyslexic drunk walked into a bra

ER.... I don't get it. He walked into an arb? What's an dra or maybe an arb? 

Graduate of DCU - UCD for dyslexics :lol


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## MOB (19 Jul 2003)

*Re: dyslexic*

A Rabbit went into a pub and ordered a pint and a cheese toastie.  then he ordered another pint and a ham toastie;  then another pint and a lettuce and onion toastie; then he keeled over and died, so they buried him out the back.

Next evening, his ghost appeared and the barman hastened to assure the ghost that it could not have been their beer which killed him, that they cleaned the lines regularly and ran a good house.  "I know what killed me" says the rabbit.  "whats that?" says the barman;

says the rabbit (This is cringe inducing, but I've gone this far):

"I died from Mixin me toasties"


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## Ludraman (19 Jul 2003)

*A man walks into a restaurant......*

...........and says, "I'll have your steak and kideley pie".

The waiter replies, "surely, you mean steak and kidney sir?".

The man replies, "that's what I said, didel I ?".


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## penang (21 Jul 2003)

*Re: dyslexic*

....or the dyslexic bloke who went to the toga party dressed as a goat..........


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## ClubMan (21 Jul 2003)

*Re: dyslexic*

Or the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to santa.


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## saver (22 Jul 2003)

*Re: dyslexic*

An then, of course, there are all the poor dyslexic kids who were trying to send letters to him at Christmas.  They're paying dearly now!

saver


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## MichaelL (23 Jul 2003)

*Woman wallks into a bar*

.............. asks the barman for a Double entendre, 

so he gives her one


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## Blonde (24 Jul 2003)

*One for the girls*

A woman was sitting in a bar enjoying a cocktail after work when the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered. 
He was tall and handsome, with dark hair and green eyes.
The man noticed that he was the object of the woman’s rapt attention, and with a sly, sexy smile, approached her. Blushing, she prepared to apologise for staring but he leaned close and whispered in her ear. 
“I’ll do anything,” he whispered in a deep, soft voice. “Anything, absolutely anything you want, anything you have ever fantasised, for £50. There’s just one condition...”
Trembling with anticipation, the woman asked him the condition.
The man said, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”
The women gazed into his hypnotic eyes, considering the proposition, then reached into her handbag and took out £50. 
She scribbled her address on a napkin, folded it around the cash, and pressed it into his waiting hand. She leaned over and whispered into his ear...
“Clean...my...house.”


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## Jamie and his magic torch (25 Jul 2003)

*dyslexic*

What is DNA an acronym for?

National Dyslexia Association


Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?

He set up a warehouse.


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## Dolly (25 Jul 2003)

*One for the boys*

This bloke goes into a pub and sits down beside a blonde woman at the bar.
"Hey," he says.  "Want to hear a blond joke?"
"Not really," says the blonde. "And, by the way, before you tell it I should tell you that I'm the Irish women's karate champ, the blonde behind you is the Irish women's judo champ, the blonde at the other end of the bar is the Irish women's boxing champ and the blonde by the door is the Irish kung fu champ.
"Now, do you really want to tell your blonde joke?"
"Nah," says the bloke. "Not if I have to tell it four times!"


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## Sean (26 Jul 2003)

*.*

Man walks into a bar...

he has a sore head for the rest of the day after that!


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## Ludraman (28 Jul 2003)

*Re: .*

......or the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac who would lie awake all night wondering if there was a dog or not!


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## fangs (8 Aug 2003)

*Re: .*

....a guy walks into a posh bar wearing a casual open neck shirt.  The barman says sorry sir can't serve you without a tie.  So the guy goes to his car and finds the only thing that resembles a tie...... a set of jump leads.  he duely dons the leads, heads back to the bar and asks the barman is his his new attire ok.  The barman replies...........


Okay, just don't start anything.


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## fangs (8 Aug 2003)

*Re: .*

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a pint of Heineken.... the barman says, ' sorry sir we don't serve food in here'.


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## birdman (25 Sep 2003)

*dyslexia*

or the dyslexic raver who popped an f


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## capaill (25 Sep 2003)

*A piece of string*

walks into a bar and others a soft drink and sits quietly in the corner.  A while later another piece of string walks in, orders a soft drink and sits down with the first piece of string.

Later a third piece of string walks in looking like a punk, i.e. he has a knot at the top and the end is all spikey.  He orders a pint of cider and stands at the bar.  The bar man points out the two other pieces of string and asks him are they his friends.

"Nah" replies the punk piece of string, " I'm a frayed knot!!"


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## joeysoap (30 Sep 2003)

*Re: One for the boys*

Paddy( can be a woman if you want) goes into a bar and orders 3 pints. takes a sup out of one, then another and then the other. drinks all 3 like that. barman comes over and tells Paddy  that he can order 1 at a time and they will be fresher. yer man tells barman that he has 2 brothers,1 who has emigrated to New York and the other to Syney, and that they made a pact that every Friday that they would each go into a bar and have 3 pints,one for themselves and 1 for each of the others.
this goes on for months and months and the barman gets used to Paddy and his 3  pints
One Friday Paddy comes in and only orders 2 pints. the barman not saying anything pulls the 2 pints, and brings them down to Paddy. Who drinks the 2  pints more slowly than usual
Deciding that it would be nice to sympathise with him the barman asks if anything is wrong.
Terrible, dreadful news says Paddy. The worst. News no one ever wants to hear.
I'm so sorry says the barman and goes away. But curiosity roused he goes back and asks 'which one of your brothers passed away,the one in Sydney or the one in New York?

0h! Replies Paddy, nothing like that. I wasn't feeling well and went to the doctor, and hes put me off  the drink for life.


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