# Need help in relation to getting married either in Ireland or Spain/Abroad



## Hopet (18 Feb 2014)

Hi Folks,

My Fiancé and I plan to wed at minimal expense - what is important to us is that we marry each other and would like it to be a Church (Catholic) wedding but would be open to Civil ceremony and separate Church ceremony.   We would prefer to do it without people knowing and then throwing a party afterwards . .. 

My questions are as follows:

1) If we give notice to the Irish Authorities to get married in Ireland, do we need to know dates and church/priest when we are giving the notice?

2) If we got married in say Spain, would we have to give the Irish Authorities notification in advance and tell them where/when the wedding is?

3) Do we need to give Spanish authorities advance notice too?

The reason for the uncertainty about dates with us is all we can afford is to wait for an excellent holiday deal to be our honeymoon and then plan the wedding around that - without anyone knowing!!!!!

All your help and suggestions would be much appreciated - I cant chat to friends/family about it as need to keep them in the dark!!!


MUCH APPRECIATED IN ADVANCE!!!!!


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## Thirsty (18 Feb 2014)

Just one thing to consider, if your parents are still living, my brother married without telling my parents and although they said very little at the time, I know they were very, very hurt.

You don't have to spend a lot of money, you don't even have to have a honeymoon, but don't undervalue your family.

Back to topic, weddingsonline has all this info as I recall.


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## Guns N Roses (18 Feb 2014)

Thirsty said:


> but don't undervalue your family.


 
I would agree with Thirsty on this one.

There is no reason why you can't have a small wedding without having to keep your families in the dark. It will only caused bitterness in the long term. I myself wouldn't consider myself particularly close to my family but I certainly made sure they knew I was getting married.

If you're worried about family interference in your wedding plans, be firm and make them clear of your wishes while at the same time taking care not to hurt their feelings.

I would suggest a small Civil Ceremony in a local venue with only your immediate families and two witnesses. Have tea, sandwiches and cake afterwards. Book a function room in a local hotel that night with a DJ and fingerfood only (no drink) for all your friends and family which should cost you no more than €1,000. A week later you can jet off to a foreign destination for a religious cermony with your immediate family (no cousins, aunties, grandparents etc.) Arrange to have your honeymoon afterwards in the same country.

Other cost saving measures would be to have a buffet after your religious ceremony instead of a set menu.
Hire the brides dress and grooms suits instead of buying.
Do spend the monry on a decent photographer as photos will be a lasting memory of your big day.
Don't overspend on flowers and make your own invitations yourself.
Shop around for wedding rings. (consider buying overseas and other ring materials such as Palladium, Titanium instead)

Remember that it's your day but do include family and friends who are close to you in your plans.


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## Sandals (18 Feb 2014)

Got married in Scotland, a quick phonecall to dublin and they send all the paperwork required. A quick phonecall to Scotland and date/time sorted/ 

couldnt believe it all that wanted to go when we said our plans, we had assumed just ourselves....only thing we paid for was the meal/wine at the time for the guests.......which was very cheap (compared to here!!!) over there in the hotel we all were staying in..we didnt do band/dj etc just went with what was on in the city, made our own invitations, flowers, table decorations, didnt do bridesmaids/best man etc ....some booked apartments so they spent less. we flew back to dublin and then on to our honeymoon. People always talk about them few days and have had compliments like best time/wedding etc as weather was fab and everyone together...

Plus my sister-in-law hit off two years ago and got married abroad and we never feel like they married as we missed the whole thing (iv one sibling who didnt make our day and has the same feeling re us)


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## rjt (18 Feb 2014)

Outside of Ireland, Malta and Italy are the only two countries (in EU anyway) where Church marriage is recognised by the state, so no need for civil ceremonies.
We got married here:
[broken link removed] (San silvestro in Capite, Rome)
Priest is Irish, they arrange everything with fixed prices. Not expensive. We brought over immediate family only, and got a nice hotel. Cheap and cheerful party then back home.
Can't recommend church highly enough. Know others have used it too, they in agreement


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## millieforbes (18 Feb 2014)

you need to give the state three months notice of your intent to marry. you will need to provide the celebrants details and the date of the ceremony and names and dates of birth of two witnesses (though the witnesses and celebrant can be changed on the day if needed - not sure how changing all three would work)

the church will have further requirements - typically the documentation must be dated within six months of the wedding date. they will also most likely require you to do a pre-marriage course, I think this can have be at any time before the wedding


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## Bronte (19 Feb 2014)

Thirsty said:


> Just one thing to consider, if your parents are still living, my brother married without telling my parents and although they said very little at the time, I know they were very, very hurt.
> 
> .


 
As my aunt put it, I carried you for nine months... still hurts 20 years later, and child that did it, now that they have their own kids, regret it.  It's something that when young one doesn't give serious thought to, but one should.  But each to their own and best of luck with your wedding.


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## Hopet (19 Feb 2014)

Hi Everybody,

Thank you all for all your excellent help and insight!!!

Sandals - was it a Church you got married in in Scotland and if so would you recommend the same place?  Am a fan of Scotland!!!

RJT - that place looks AMAZING I will investigate further!!!!  Did you need to give Irish Authorities notice in advance of your plans or need release papers from the Church here to get married there?  What is the nearest airport?

Everybody else that's so so much for all the excellent guidance.  Depending on  the plan some family will be involved and will be having huge party afterwards anyway for massive extended family and friends.  We are not what you would call spring chickens and our families have had several big white day weddings and will be very happy with us doing it our way.   We have kids/house/mortgage etc. and they are surprised we haven't eloped already!!!!!  We are all extremely close but they are all broad minded - if our older siblings had not already had all the weddings it would be a different story altogether we would go the big wedding day route for their sakes!!!!  Big white day with the world watching is not us and would much prefer and intimate ceremony and a big (budget) party!!!!!

Any further guidance/insight would be so much appreciated!!!

Thanks!!!!


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## Bronte (19 Feb 2014)

Hopet said:


> Any further guidance/insight would be so much appreciated!!!


 
That's an excellent response, you have your heads well screwed on, only last bit of advice, enjoy it.


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## Hopet (19 Feb 2014)

Thanks very much Bronte!!!


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## rjt (19 Feb 2014)

> RJT - that place looks AMAZING I will investigate further!!!! Did you need to give Irish Authorities notice in advance of your plans or need release papers from the Church here to get married there? What is the nearest airport?


Release from the church is no hassle, and needed outside the bride's diocese even in Ireland (or at least was a few years ago)
You need a certificate for most foreign weddings, Certificate of Nulla Osta, to confirm you're not married here-again hassle free.
In any event if you contact that church they send you a step by step guide, and it's idiot proof. We went over to check things out in advance (an excuse to visit Rome) but there really was no need, most don't, and they're experienced in arranging weddings for Irish people. 
Flights-the church is literally five minute walk from Trevi Fountain (we strolled up for nice photos after-the tourist crowd parted like the Red Sea to give us space) so either airport is fine-we flew Aer Lingus to Da Vinci, but some of our guests used Ryanair to Ciampino. No problem for either.
We had or reception in Hotel Quirinale, Via Nazionale, near Termini station. Excellent, though there are cheaper.
The Irish College in Rome is another option if just the two of you travelling.


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## Hopet (20 Feb 2014)

Hi RJT,

Thanks very much for that.  Does that mean that there is no need to give notice here or wait any period of time before getting married there, if we just get all the letters/releases etc they need?

Many thanks!!!!


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## Guns N Roses (20 Feb 2014)

You should find all you need to know here.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/getting_married/getting_married.html

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/e...s/getting_married/getting_married_abroad.html

If you still have questions, phone your local Registrar.


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## salaried (21 Feb 2014)

Hello Hopet,  Do not and I repeat do not exclude your family,  We did and the tension that follows is not worth it and they will not let you forget it,   We got married in a registry office without telling family or friends and went to Spain and had our ceremony in the gardens of a hotel which we had organised from here,   We had everything in place from the meals, The cars , Flowers , Music, Officiate and the photographer etc,   We were lucky in that we had family and friends going over on hols the same time as we do every year, When we told them that we were officially married and what we had planned for that week they were delighted for us but were worried about family back home not knowing and they were right,  If you do not want to spend a fortune just do it the way you both want and get married in a registry office with your nearest and dearest and have a meal organised for after the photographs ,  Then go somewhere decent for a few drinks afterwards , You will still wake up married,  Then go away and enjoy your holiday/ Honeymoon with the money you will get as gifts, Everyone is happy and no arguments, Best of luck.


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## Sunny (21 Feb 2014)

I know why people are saying don't exclude your family (I am tiny wedding person myself and the in-laws still hate me) but I don't regret it for a second. Uncle Dick and Aunt Joan can moan all they like but not having them there didn't ruin the day at all. They were just annoyed they didn't get a chance to moan about the lack of vol au vents on the menu. We threw a big party afterwards with a free bar and we still had people moaning. These people don't darken our door from one year to another and yet now they act all hurt that we didn't include them. 

We had a great day with immediate family and close friends and the vast majority of people had no issue with what we did. My advice is do what suits you and your partner. Don't worry about pleasing other people. Best of luck.


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## rjt (21 Feb 2014)

Hopet said:


> Hi RJT,
> 
> Thanks very much for that.  Does that mean that there is no need to give notice here or wait any period of time before getting married there, if we just get all the letters/releases etc they need?
> 
> Many thanks!!!!



Don't remember any specific waiting period, though we had a year to plan, so wouldn't have been an issue. It takes time to gather the church documents though. The link from Guns n Roses will help, and as I've said, that church I mentioned will email you a clear guide for free, including all costs, if you contact them-I just can't find our copy at mo!


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