# Soggy pencils on a Monday morning. Conspiracy?



## S.L.F (27 Apr 2008)

I frequently have knee pads, pencils, screws, screw driver bits, nails, pens, various brackets, bits of wood, keys, notes (not money she always finds that) and knives in my work trousers and shirts.

After a day or a week of work I take them off and leave them beside smouldering the bed.
Come Monday morning I go to get them and they are gone!
So I approach Mrs. SLF and ask what happened and I'm told she washed them, which is a good thing of course, but she never checks the pockets.
If I wanted them to be washed I'd have them in the laundry basket.
I have spoken to other tradesmen they tell me their wives do the same thing.
Is there a secret society or something of tradesmen's wives where they have to leave their men with soggy pencils on a Monday morning.


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## GeneralZod (27 Apr 2008)

Stop complaining.


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## S.L.F (27 Apr 2008)

GeneralZod said:


> Stop complaining.



This section is for letting off steam, which is precisely what I was doing.

I'm going to assume you aren't married or you don't work at a trade, if you did you'd know what I was talking about.


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## Vanilla (27 Apr 2008)

Tip for you- start leaving money in your pockets. We wives have a finely tuned psychic sense as to when it is worth our while emptying pockets.


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## S.L.F (27 Apr 2008)

Vanilla said:


> Tip for you- start leaving money in your pockets. We wives have a finely tuned psychic sense as to when it is worth our while emptying pockets.



This I already know.

I frequently have walked towards the front door loaded with cash by the time I have crossed the threshold I've been mugged gently not violently (normally a big hug with wandering hands) and end up as skint as a beggar.

I'd swear if that woman was crooked she'd be the best pick pocket in business.

And I'd still end up with soggy pencils on a Monday morning.


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## GeneralZod (27 Apr 2008)

S.L.F said:


> This section is for letting off steam, which is precisely what I was doing.
> 
> I'm going to assume you aren't married or you don't work at a trade, if you did you'd know what I was talking about.



It was a joke about knowing when to be grateful. Having someone washing your clothes for you.

In LOS the responses aren't always going to be sympathetic.


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## S.L.F (27 Apr 2008)

GeneralZod said:


> It was a joke about knowing when to be grateful. Having someone washing your clothes for you.
> 
> In LOS the responses aren't always going to be sympathetic.



I have no need for sympathy from people I'll never meet or speak to.

I'm grateful for every little thing my wife does for me.

Soggy pencils on a Monday morning are a slight irritation but I'll get over it.

There are thousands of things that annoy my wife about me but I try to improve.

I just checked the top of the washing machine and guess what's there.....

Yeah you guessed it!

A soggy pencil.


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## Sue Ellen (28 Apr 2008)

Best not leave your mobile in your pocket so ................


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## sandrat (28 Apr 2008)

I remember my husband deciding to do his own washing once. He ended up washing his wallet and destroying his drivers licence in the process.


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## DeeFox (28 Apr 2008)

I think Mrs SLF is trying to teach you how to do a wash - but she doesn't want to tell you this outright as that would be seen as nagging; instead she will continue to do the wash badly until (she  hopes), in a fit of impatience, you will empty your own pockets and put the trousers in the washing machine yourself.

One of our "classic" family stories growing up was the time the washing machine was put on and it was found afterwards that the cat had been taking a nap in it.  We were not allowed anymore family pets for some time...


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## Bronte (28 Apr 2008)

I was visiting Ireland once and my husband put on a load in the washing machine, he rang me 3 times as he couldn't figure out why it wasn't emptying the water.  It was still in it when I got back.  Men seem to have a mental problem with the washing machine buttons.

OP why don't you take the pencil out of your workclothes when you come into the house


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## ClubMan (28 Apr 2008)

sandrat said:


> I remember my husband deciding to do his own washing once. He ended up washing his wallet and destroying his drivers licence in the process.


And he was never allowed do the washing again I presume? Cunning...


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## Welfarite (28 Apr 2008)

I have to agree that men have a problem when it comes to washing machines. I myself do not understand the various cycles. Why so many? . Ok, so there's different temperatures and different fabrics. But how do women figure out that particular garments are made of paerticular fabric and can be washed together at a certain temperature, without colours running? I never, ever, select a temperatuire higher than 50%....just in case!

And if it's made of wool, it stays in the basket!


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## Purple (28 Apr 2008)

Mrs Purple is not good at washing (or housework in general) so I end up doing most of the washing and ironing. I always check pockets before washing. My policy is that junk gets left on top of the machine, money goes into my pocket.


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## ClubMan (28 Apr 2008)

Purple said:


> I end up doing most of the washing and ironing.


I never knew we had anything in common! 



Welfarite said:


> I have to agree that men have a problem when it comes to washing machines. I myself do not understand the various cycles. Why so many? . Ok, so there's different temperatures and different fabrics. But how do women figure out that particular garments are made of paerticular fabric and can be washed together at a certain temperature, without colours running?


Maybe they actually read those washing instruction tags on most mass produced clothes?


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## Purple (28 Apr 2008)

ClubMan said:


> I never knew we had anything in common!


There ye are now; who would have thunk it?


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## ninsaga (28 Apr 2008)

Wow - online match making - as now witnessed by many on AAM....


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## so-crates (28 Apr 2008)

S.L.F said:


> I frequently have knee pads, pencils, screws, screw driver bits, nails, pens, various brackets, bits of wood, keys, notes (not money she always finds that) and knives in my work trousers and shirts.


 
Something tells me that the first time Mrs S.L.F. did you the wonderful favour of washing your gently smoulderings she probably had to visit the doctor for a tetanus shot!!

Chances are you keep the notes and the knives in separate pockets and Mrs S.L.F. knows now which ones not to check


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## sandrat (28 Apr 2008)

ClubMan said:


> And he was never allowed do the washing again I presume? Cunning...


 
he is allowed he just chooses not to . He did have to hall ass down to the motor tax people for a new provisional licence though. His driving test was the following week.

Any money left in pockets is considered a tip for the maid.


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## Caveat (28 Apr 2008)

I'm surprised at the amount of men who seemingly don't use a washing machine.  I admit, Mrs C does most of the washing but it wouldn't be at all unusual for me to 'put on a load'.

What's wrong with all these guys?


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## sam h (28 Apr 2008)

> Come Monday morning I go to get them and they are gone!
> So I approach Mrs. SLF and ask what happened and I'm told she washed them, which is a good thing of course, but she never checks the pockets.


 
I don't know how long you're married, but I'm guessing this has happened every week since that "happy" day.....so, when are you going to learn - take the stuff out on a Friday and then you won't have soggy pencils on a Monday. 
Plus, if the clothes are smoldering by Friday....surely they actually need to be washed by Wednesday at the latest....or even better, invest in a 2nd pair????

Generally "men" claim to be the more technical than women (very sweeping statement but I did say generally), they are often happy to spend hours working out the lastest MP4 player, take an engine apart, program the DVD player, rebuild the computer and yet claim to be baffled by a simple washing machine?


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## S.L.F (28 Apr 2008)

Bronte said:


> Men seem to have a mental problem with the washing machine buttons.



We don't have a problem with the buttons, its which ones to push. My brother in law put a big jumper into a boil wash...anyway it wouldn't even fit his action man when it finished



so-crates said:


> Something tells me that the first time Mrs S.L.F. did you the wonderful favour of washing your gently smoulderings she probably had to visit the doctor for a tetanus shot!



And she's never been the same since!



Caveat said:


> I'm surprised at the amount of men who seemingly don't use a washing machine.  I admit, Mrs C does most of the washing but it wouldn't be at all unusual for me to 'put on a load'.
> 
> What's wrong with all these guys?



My wife can't understand why I think its okay to put a black shirt in with a white shirt thus I'm not allowed to go near the machine



sam h said:


> I don't know how long you're married.
> Plus, if the clothes are smoldering by Friday....surely they actually need to be washed by Wednesday at the latest....or even better, invest in a 2nd pair????



Married almost ten years.....Mrs. SLF thinks its longer.

I have about 4 pairs but I only wear 1 pair as it can hold the most stuff.

Regarding pencils there is nowhere else to put them if I take them out come Monday morning I end up having to buy another one. Having a choice between a soggy pencil or none I pick having a soggy pencil.


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## ClubMan (28 Apr 2008)

Confusion about how to properly operate a washing (or any other) machine/appliance can easily be resolved by reading the flippin' manual.


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## franmac (28 Apr 2008)

I have about 4 pairs but I only wear 1 pair as it can hold the most stuff.


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## Welfarite (29 Apr 2008)

ClubMan said:


> Confusion about how to properly operate a washing (or any other) machine/appliance can easily be resolved by reading the flippin' manual.


 

Nope. The manual just explains which type of clothes goes into which wash...it doesn't help a man to identify which type of garment he has in his hand when he wants to select a cycle! 

No man will ever have the patience to sift through a bundle of clothes and sort them into proper washloads. It's a bit like shopping for clothes. Men will buy the first thing they see if it fits, women will visit twenty shops, sifting through various outfits, before returning to the first shop to buy the first thing they saw!


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## efm (29 Apr 2008)

Welfarite said:


> No man will ever have the patience to sift through a bundle of clothes and sort them into proper washloads.


 
Outrageous sexist comment and I'll not stand here in my pumps and take it - I have sorted through all kinds of clothes (including the wife's smalls!) to do the washing and, even though I don't do most of the washing I read the f... manual and figured it out - it's not rocket science


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## Seagull (29 Apr 2008)

I didn't honestly think it was necessary to read the manual to figure out how to do the washing. Sounds like there's a large number of mammy's boys here who never had to do chores around the house growing up.


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## Caveat (29 Apr 2008)

Seagull said:


> I didn't honestly think it was necessary to read the manual to figure out how to do the washing. Sounds like there's a large number of mammy's boys here who never had to do chores around the house growing up.


 
Also, it's somewhat ironic, given that many men often take pride in "not needing to read the manual" when it comes to flatpack or setting up a home cinema system or something ... they usually manage these things ok 

But the complexities of the multifunction motorised domestic washing module is just too much...


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## so-crates (29 Apr 2008)

S.L.F said:


> We don't have a problem with the buttons, its which ones to push. My brother in law put a big jumper into a boil wash...anyway it wouldn't even fit his action man when it finished


So lesson learnt? Rule No. 1: Don't wash wool jumpers in a boil wash ... they shrink. You can try it yourself if you don't believe your brother!





S.L.F said:


> And she's never been the same since!


See she learned, so you can too! 





S.L.F said:


> My wife can't understand why I think its okay to put a black shirt in with a white shirt thus I'm not allowed to go near the machine


Hmmm - just throwing the thought out there but have you ever considered she might, just possibly, know something you don't? Rule 2: Listen to the expert...  





S.L.F said:


> Married almost ten years.....Mrs. SLF thinks its longer.


Not a fast learner then, are you!



S.L.F said:


> Regarding pencils there is nowhere else to put them if I take them out come Monday morning I end up having to buy another one. Having a choice between a soggy pencil or none I pick having a soggy pencil.


Just a suggestion you could get a jar (washing out any jam that is sticking to the bottom first) and put it on top of your bedside table or other similarly convenient spot. EMPTY your pockets into it (if they don't fit, just get a larger container ... strange I know but increasing the volumetric capacity of a container actually means you can get more stuff into it!!!!). And to really impress your wife, put your gently smoulderings into the laundry basket and say thanks when they come back all clean and presentable  Then taking the contents of the container you filled on Friday, repopulate your capacious pockets.

No hassle, and no soggy pencils ....


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## ClubMan (29 Apr 2008)

efm said:


> Outrageous sexist comment and I'll not stand here in my pumps and take it - I have sorted through all kinds of clothes (including the wife's smalls!) to do the washing and, even though I don't do most of the washing I read the f... manual and figured it out - it's not rocket science


Exactly - on both points. Stupid sexist comment and anybody who can read (a manual, clothes tags, washing powder box) should have no problem using a washing machine. Sex/gender is irrelevant. 



Seagull said:


> I didn't honestly think it was necessary to read the manual to figure out how to do the washing.


An earlier poster expressed confusion about the plethora of wash cycles and buttons on some appliances. My suggestion was that such confusion could be resolved simply by reading the manual. Hardly rocket science as mentioned above.


> Sounds like there's a large number of mammy's boys here who never had to do chores around the house growing up.


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## Purple (29 Apr 2008)

ClubMan said:


> Exactly - on both points. Stupid sexist comment and anybody who can read (a manual, clothes tags, washing powder box) should have no problem using a washing machine. Sex/gender is irrelevant.
> 
> 
> An earlier poster expressed confusion about the plethora of wash cycles and buttons on some appliances. My suggestion was that such confusion could be resolved simply by reading the manual. Hardly rocket science as mentioned above.




Agreed on all counts


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## sam h (29 Apr 2008)

This story doesn't help the "washingmachinephobic's" out there....but heard of a guy who over flowed the bath all over the dirty washing.  So he puts them into the dryer (dripping wet!!) 'cos he didn't think you could put wet clothes into the washing machine!!


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## sandrat (29 Apr 2008)

my husband did a load of washing again (feeling sorry for his 9 months pregnant wife) and what did i discover in the pocket when removing said load? His driving licence. Full this time. His reaction was that they should make them from plastic.


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## ClubMan (29 Apr 2008)

If you mean that he destroyed his driving license twice in this way then perhaps the problem is less a general one of men having problems washing/washing machines and more one of you being married to an idiot?


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## sandrat (29 Apr 2008)

lets hope the baby gets my smarts then! 

Looks like the licence might have been rescued this time. The radiator seems to have worked wonders.


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## Marathon Man (30 Apr 2008)

Read the manual??

Engineer's maxim: "If all else fails......read the manual" 

.......Now......if I knew where the washing machine was...


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## ophelia (30 Apr 2008)

Rules when using Washing Machine

1.  ALWAYS check pockets. I have a note on the washing machine door to remind all amateurs ie. sons and husband.

2.  SORT Clothes - Darks or anything darker than sky blue - 40 degrees - if in any doubt at all place a Colour Catcher in the machine with the wash. Great invention - a tissue type thing that will absorb any straying dye.

3.  WHITES - In at 60 degrees.

4.  Wools - always at wool cycle - or 30 degrees with a maximum 600rpm spin.

I rarely go wrong with these guidelines  ................ except for the time I washed my son's passport one week before a trip


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## Welfarite (30 Apr 2008)

Ophelia, I will be printing off your post and taping it on the wall over my machine... at last, a quickguide to accident-free washing!


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## S.L.F (30 Apr 2008)

Welfarite said:


> Ophelia, I will be printing off your post and taping it on the wall over my machine... at last, a quickguide to accident-free washing!



Me too!


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## ophelia (1 May 2008)

OK, so for those who have got their heads around Rules 1 to 4; here are a few more for the more experienced washing-machine user:

5.  Don't assume all *wool *is machine washable -*CHECK the label!*

6.  Always *wash jeans separatly*, no point in bunging them in with other colours (even with the trusty Colour Catcher) - they always run a bit.

7.  *Don't overpack the washine machine* - it will last for years longer if you only fill it so theres a bit of space left inside.


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## Seagull (1 May 2008)

ophelia said:


> 7. *Don't overpack the washine machine* - it will last for years longer if you only fill it so theres a bit of space left inside.


An over filled machine also doesn't clean the clothes very well.


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## Bronte (5 May 2008)

Don't remember why but you shouldn't put all towels in together, I think they get too heavy and you should mix your loads.  

In my many years of washing clothes I've washed a brand new watch (twice) money (about 10 times but they dry very nicely) husbands biros (20 times - he still doesn't take them out and I refuse to check) but I have the washing down to this, everything colour sorted gets washed at button 3 on 60 degrees, and use button 2 at 40 degrees for wool/delicates/not sure.  Anything that won't go in a washing machine doesn't survive in my house.  Life's too short to be hand washing wool jumpers. I put 4 baskets with labels in the laundry room labelled dark/whites/not sure/coloured - makes it easier to do full loads.

While on the subject my other half still calls me (we've had a dishwasher about 10 years) when the dishwasher has a new light up which is either salt or rince.  He can do powder but not salt and rince.   

Which reminds me to cheer you all up after the bank holiday weekend - I bought a dishwasher from a particular shop as they had an ad that they would take away the old machine and connect the new one.  Simplicity itself methinks.   Two thick delivery men arrived on a Saturday morning and said 'where's the connection' me (bit demented with two kids underfoot) said 'behind the machine you're standing in front of', I open cupboard undersink, men pretend to try and disconnect it, 'too tight says they and we have no worktools', 'have one of mine' says I handing them a vicecript from my toolbox, 'too awkward' says they, 'you'll have to get a plumber' says they, me babe in arms and furious by now says '     ' anyone on AAM can guess what happens, if interested next instalment tomorrow............


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## snuffle (5 May 2008)

OP your wife is trying to prove a point - if you don't remove your belongings from your smoulderings they will get soggy. Just be thankful they are not still smouldering on a Monday morning and are at least clean, albeit with soggy pencils.

I use balled up tissues to prove a point - himself tends to have a small forest's worth of tissues in his pockets (for copious blowing of nose) that are never emptied before being placed in the laundry basket, so the clothes get washed with tissues still in them creating a wonderful dandruff-blizzard effect on all his clothes (I am sure it's not that great from the poor machine's perspective though).

My husband is also trying to prove a point - anytime he does the clothes washing, he ensures to put at least 2 white items in with the most colourful items he can find to render them unusable (guess who is the only one who wears anything white in this house) and also ensures to place anything that will be damaged by heat into the tumble dryer at the hottest setting and either melting them or shrinking them to barbiedoll size (guess who is the only one who has delicates that should never be tumbledried). Suffice to say he has been banned from putting on the washing and I have given up making my point, and started removing tissues from his pockets.


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## Sue Ellen (6 May 2008)

snuffle said:


> I use balled up tissues to prove a point - himself tends to have a small forest's worth of tissues in his pockets (for copious blowing of nose)



This statement from someone with a username '_snuffle' _[broken link removed]


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## snuffle (6 May 2008)

sueellen said:


> This statement from someone with a username '_snuffle' _[broken link removed]


Ha yeah! He was sitting beside me when I created an account here- was asked for a username and guess what I came up with  Hayfever is a curse, for those who have it and those who live with someone who has it


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## FredBloggs (9 May 2008)

Vanilla said:


> Tip for you- start leaving money in your pockets. We wives have a finely tuned psychic sense as to when it is worth our while emptying pockets.


 
Jock takes his wife to casualty.

She's no teeth, a broken nose & two black eyes.

Dr says, 'What´s happened here?'

Jock says 'She was going thru the change.'

Dr says 'That doesn't happen with the change.'

Jock replies 'It does when its in my f*cking pocket


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## S.L.F (10 May 2008)

snuffle said:


> Just be thankful they are not still smouldering on a Monday morning and are at least clean, albeit with soggy pencils.



Believe me everyone is thankful they are not still smouldering on a Monday morning. Otherwise they'd be going to work all by themselves.


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