# How do married couples split finances?



## Exoverspender (15 Jun 2020)

Hi all

Hopefully I'm posting in the right forum.  First time poster so apologies if not and if someone could direct me to the right place that would be great.

I'm married with a young family, up until now i had been the higher earner however partner will now be matching my salary with a little more. I had been covering the majority of the expenses so I was paying mortgage life and house insurance, he would cover the electricity gas tv. We would split food shop. 

I'm finding that i foot most of the children's clothing toys bills etc

Would like to make this a more even split. I'm interested on hearing how married or couples with children manage their finances. Would very much like to keep our salaries separate but split bills more evenly. What works for you?

All suggestions welcome.

TiA


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## twofor1 (15 Jun 2020)

Why does it matter if one earns a little more, or even a lot more, or nothing at all.
Having a home and family is a team exercise.
In our case everything goes into and out of our joint accounts. There are no individual accounts.


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## Exoverspender (15 Jun 2020)

Hi

Thanks for your reply. I completely agree iy should be a family exercise and it doesn't matter who earns more or what I'm just looking to see what works for people as I'm not content with current way. I'd like to keep individual accounts as I like it that way, hed be more cautious with money while I like to treat myself and kids id feel like he would scrutinise my spending if we had one account.


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## Pugmister (15 Jun 2020)

We both earn similar enough salaries but for a long time i was a decent bit more. Regardless of who earns more we have always had everything routed to our joint account. We have a set monthly savings amount that we transfer to a deposit account and a second set savings amount that we transfer to a holiday fund account. We spend as we please but obviously if making a big purchase we just tell each other beforehand.

We dont save anything in October and instead use the cash to purchase xmas presents. Works well for us but at the start there were a few arguments due to the fact im more of a saver and she is more of a spender. Compromise is generally the key


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## Blackrock1 (15 Jun 2020)

I never understand why people make this so complicated. you are married, you have kids, its time to grow up. 

All the money gets aggregated, make a budget for each month of what needs to go out, mortgage, car loan, money for household, money for kids, savings whatever else.

whats left gets split evenly, what either of you choose to do with that amount thats left over is your own business, that way you maintain some financial discretion but the household gets looked after

doing it any other way is just daft imo and not really in the spirit of partnership that marriage and family should represent.


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## Early Riser (15 Jun 2020)

Two seperate accounts and a joint "family budget" account. Standing order from each single account on payday into joint account. Decide what is to covered from joint account and be generous with funding it. Allow for contingencies and don't forget repairs, upkeep, decoration, Christmas, etc. Decide if cars are in or or out. If you have a family car and a runaround then they should both be in the joint account fund. If roughly equal salaries, then equal inputs. Otherwise, apportion as agreed.

It is good for each to have a residual individual account, however small. It is totally discretionary. No spending is too ridiculous from it - or saving, if that is the individual preference.


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## Gordon Gekko (15 Jun 2020)

Yeah, I’m all for aggregation. It’s not my money or her money; it’s our money. There’s a significant differential between the two incomes but that’s not really relevant as I see it. It’s a partnership so we both view it as 50/50. Everything goes into one account initially. Some money is then hived off into Revolut for day to day personal stuff. Some money is then saved/put aside to set against the mortgage. All of the bills, mortgage, kids stuff, etc flows from the main account. And that’s it really. As for who has put the money there, not relevant. We chat about things like how much to save, put against the mortgage etc. Out of courtesy/respect, we’d highlight any spending that’s material but neither of us are asking for permission or have to. It’s just normal communication.


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## Laughahalla (15 Jun 2020)

You are married, you are not house mates. All money should be pooled in a joint account.

In a marriage there is no her money or his money. You both own each others assets and liabilities.

I would say it is akin to financial infidelity if one person is keeping secret stashes of money from the other or secret spending.

If you want to grow wealth you will not be able to do it if you are both on different paths financially.

With regards to scrutinizing each others spending. If you make a budget and stick to it this should not become  an issue. You just allocate part of the monthly budget to blow/fun money.

In my opinion you/everyone should be doing the following with your pooled income - Do in this order-

Pay off all consumer debt smallest to largest - (get rid of all credit cards)
3 months emergency fund to cover expenses (not income) in case one or both of you lost your jobs or had some other emergency happen
15% of gross household income in pension
€100 per month towards children's education
Start paying additional on your mortgage debt
Anything left over - do as you please - Give it away , save and Invest it, Have fun with it


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## Sunny (15 Jun 2020)

I agree with all of the above. Although my guilty secret is that I do keep my annual €500 one for all voucher that my employer gives me to myself!! Even though I do find that even that ends up getting spent on boring household stuff like a new hoover and not on the 85 inch tv for my still to be built man cave....Ah marriage....


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## Bilbo1 (15 Jun 2020)

I agree with all that has been said. You both own each other's money, it does not matter who makes how much. Send it all to your joint account and budget from it. Get all the bills to come out from it.
If you want to have a personal account, you can leave in it whatever you *agree to* budget for fun/treats money.
Whatever either of you spend money on should be transparent to the other. Otherwise you are not having an open conversation about money.
Personally it feels so liberating not having to keep track about who paid the last groceries bill. It's all coming from the joint account. I would never go back!


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## PGF2016 (15 Jun 2020)

Everything shared here. We discuss any sizeable purchase (over a few hundred euro) but otherwise trust the other to not take the piss. And with the larger purchases its really an FYI rather than a request for permission.


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## Blackrock1 (15 Jun 2020)

as one of the posters said its actually quite liberating and nips a lot of conflict in the bud.


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## huskerdu (15 Jun 2020)

We have a joint account and complete openness but we have separate credit cards .
Credit card bills are private to allow for buying presents for each other and a little bit of financial privacy .


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## Exoverspender (15 Jun 2020)

Pugmister said:


> We both earn similar enough salaries but for a long time i was a decent bit more. Regardless of who earns more we have always had everything routed to our joint account. We have a set monthly savings amount that we transfer to a deposit account and a second set savings amount that we transfer to a holiday fund account. We spend as we please but obviously if making a big purchase we just tell each other beforehand.
> 
> We dont save anything in October and instead use the cash to purchase xmas presents. Works well for us but at the start there were a few arguments due to the fact im more of a saver and she is more of a spender. Compromise is generally the key


Thanks for this, appreciate your response. Seems like joint account with separate savings ac is the way to go. Ty


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## ThatNewGuy (15 Jun 2020)

Blackrock1 said:


> All the money gets aggregated, make a budget for each month of what needs to go out, mortgage, car loan, money for household, money for kids, savings whatever else.
> 
> whats left gets split evenly, what either of you choose to do with that amount thats left over is your own business, that way you maintain some financial discretion but the household gets looked after



This is the only way to do it. You have "household income", not individual salaries.

Gross income - fixed costs (mortgage, loans, bills) - savings (pension, household, temporary goals etc) - living costs (food, fuel etc) = left over, then split evenly for use on whatever. If we have further material spending out of that even split, we'd share that via revolut e.g. if out of my side of leftover money I pay for night / lunch out, we'd split that then

I'd also go a bit further and put a cap on what you split, so if your expected income increases or planned outgoings reduce, the extra is further saved or targetted towards something instead of flitted away in the leftover split money


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## Early Riser (15 Jun 2020)

ThatNewGuy said:


> I'd also go a bit further and put a cap on what you split, so if your expected income increases or planned outgoings reduce, the extra is further saved or targetted towards something *instead of flitted away* in the leftover split money



But maybe there should be some discretion for that too? Independence as well as co-dependence?


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## Fore (15 Jun 2020)

For what its worth - we both operate separate sole accounts, separate credit cards, separate savings but have a joint account to cover household bills, mortgage, shopping, petrol, meals out etc. 
We both fund this every month with a set amount. (bit more at xmas etc or if it runs down with additional bills). We don't use  this for cash withdrawals or personal use - its purely joint spending. 
After that our money is our own - I can only imagine ( and I would still be wrong !) as to what she spends on hair, beauty products, clothes, shoes etc. She is probably the same with what I spend on golf subs, golf gear, nights out with the lads etc. 
We transfer in and out of the joint account for large purchases / holidays / flights etc that would be made on individual credit cards on 50/50 basis. We don't sweat the small stuff - if I buy food or a bottle of wine out of my own account then it doesn't matter - its only if we bulk by wine or food that we would even it out. 
Its not overly scientific, but it works and allows us individual freedom to spend or save while making sure the bills are looked after first.


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## WaterWater (15 Jun 2020)

A family member of mine is a grand father several times over. He still talks about her money and his money and whether she had a win on her Prize Bond this month etc.  Then again he was always a bit of a Harry Worth with a jam jar of coins for each bill every month and never spends over his "pocket money".  Sad.


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## NewEdition (15 Jun 2020)

Thats all fine unless one is a spender and one is a saver.
What about when kids come along or a job loss or say inheritance?
I actually regret not keeping money separated when i was married, but also curious how others manage this


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## michaelm (15 Jun 2020)

I don't really understand the separate finances thing.  We have a joint account.  We largely stick to our budget which sees me earning the money and my wife spending it.  She can buy anything, but not everything, I insist on getting value (as does she) and knowing under which budget heading to account for it.  The less stuff I own the better.


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## Ceist Beag (15 Jun 2020)

It's very much a team effort here. I earn it, she spends it! 
We have a joint account which we use for everything. As others have said, it's just a matter of being open and clear about it, agreeing on big spends and trusting each other on the smaller spends (i.e. not constantly watching what is going out of the account). We both agree on target goals for saving which helps a lot in terms of knowing what we can and cannot afford so once we're meeting our targets we're relatively free to spend the rest. That said if someone were to analyse our spending they would probably say we don't spend near enough on ourselves and each other!


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## Gordon Gekko (15 Jun 2020)

Most problems seem to stem from couples not being on the same page financially which speaks to broader issues around compatibility and communication.

There are certain behaviours which I just don’t think are right, e.g. an earning spouse being controlling about money or the higher earner only contributing whatever the other can afford.

It’s a partnership and there has to be trust. Communication, trust, and having a plan which you’ve discussed and agreed would seem to be the recipe for success.


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## BoscoTalking (15 Jun 2020)

No joint accounts or credit cards here. I’m paid more but OH better with finances so when I get paid I transfer money for bills and leave myself some spending money. Never any problems. Recent convert to Revolut card so we don’t even work with much cash now.


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## NewEdition (15 Jun 2020)

As mentioned a few times above.. its about choosing a compatible partner and being open on how finances will work.
My ex was a big spender and I was a cautious saver.
I knew this from an early stage of the relationship.
We never had the discussion on how we would compromise.
That all unfortunately caused the founations to crack qnd we never got out of the spiral.


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## NoRegretsCoyote (15 Jun 2020)

My OH and I have separate accounts. I'm the bigger earner so I transfer a fixed amount to her monthly. We both generally take care of different things: her groceries, me utilities and car.

We both trust each other but like the autonomy of having own accounts. It seems to work.

I'm not convinced a joint account is essential once you both know each others' earnings and outgoings.


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## losttheplot (15 Jun 2020)

Both earn roughly the same. Separate current accounts with direct debits to joint account. One credit card account with a card each. Nearly all spending done with credit card so full transparency on spending. Balance cleared in full each month from joint account.
One of us looks after the finances. The only drawback, if anything happens the financial administrator, the other half has no idea how, what or when bills are paid or where the savings are.


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## geri (15 Jun 2020)

Both of us have similar salaries. We have two children. One joint account into which we both pay a standing amount every month. All household payments come out of this including mortgage, bill's, school stuff, shopping etc. We top up every now and then for things like holidays etc. We both have our own private current and savings account.  I love the independence of that! We also have a joint savings account which we rarely go at but is there if we have a need of emergey joint funding. I cant imagine it any other way
Not sure if it matters but have been together for 25 years and engaged for 13. Maybe we have commitment issues


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## Exoverspender (15 Jun 2020)

Early Riser said:


> Two seperate accounts and a joint "family budget" account. Standing order from each single account on payday into joint account. Decide what is to covered from joint account and be generous with funding it. Allow for contingencies and don't forget repairs, upkeep, decoration, Christmas, etc. Decide if cars are in or or out. If you have a family car and a runaround then they should both be in the joint account fund. If roughly equal salaries, then equal inputs. Otherwise, apportion as agreed.
> 
> It is good for each to have a residual individual account, however small. It is totally discretionary. No spending is too ridiculous from it - or saving, if that is the individual preference.


Thank you, this is v helpful! Exactly what I needed


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## Exoverspender (15 Jun 2020)

Thanks everyone really appreciate the replies and suggestions on what works for you. Think wel go with seperate as with a fixed amt feeding into a joint. We have a good marriage and everything works there are no arguments over money im just looking for a more stable and even plan where we can both save more and have finances run a bit smoother. I can be a bit of a spender and he would be v good with money I just dont want to leave my self open to scrutiny with what I spend my extra on lol. Thanks again


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## Jim2007 (16 Jun 2020)

Exoverspender said:


> Hi
> 
> Thanks for your reply. I completely agree iy should be a family exercise and it doesn't matter who earns more or what I'm just looking to see what works for people as I'm not content with current way. I'd like to keep individual accounts as I like it that way, hed be more cautious with money while I like to treat myself and kids id feel like he would scrutinise my spending if we had one account.



So you agree it should all be common, but only on your partners side....

Here in Switzerland the common approach is everything goes into a common pot with each family member including the kids getting an allowance.  Kids allowance is traditionally one Euro per year of age per week so an 18 year old gets 18 Euros a week etc..  from what I have read adults take out between 400 to 800 per month.


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## RentingD (16 Jun 2020)

All shared here, a similar approach to some of the above posters described and it works really well.


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## losttheplot (16 Jun 2020)

Another advantage of having joint accounts and separate personal accounts can be avoiding the hassle of cheques being made out to individuals. I've had cheques returned from the joint account as they were payable to only one person. Other times it wasn't an issue.


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## JamesN (16 Jun 2020)

We have joint current and savings accounts and both our salaries go in full to those. We dont operate seperate accounts anymore. We found this less hassle and we actually save more and we are both very happy with the arrangement. Me, more a saver her more a spender. I earn 30/40% more but at the end of the day its all family money and she makes sure neither the kids (nor me!) want for anything. When we had our separate accounts we kinda went a bit mad but we were younger then. We had a rule at the start of opening the joint accounts that no spend less than 100 could be questioned but as it turned out it never came up. We continue to have slightly different attitudes to money but we seem to work it out ok.


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