# Child Maintenance and Marriage - Please Help



## shaughey (27 Apr 2010)

Hi - I hope someone can help - I have a 10yr old daughter that i've always paid €50 per week towards, I see her every second wkend, last year I was officially granted guardianship and access by the courts.

Now, less than 6months later, my ex is bringing my back to court for more maintenance, even though she had never disputed this before, she also wants to try stop/change my access order.

My ex is getting married in 3months and someone told me that once this happens I no longer have to pay maintenance - is there any truth in this? 
I only ask as I am not working and can barely afford the €50 p/w as it is and I'm trying to understand why she'd be bringing me to court for maintenance in the 1st place?

All and any comments are appreciated.


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## Magpie (27 Apr 2010)

No, you don't stop paying child maintenance if your ex gets married, unless you terminate all parental responsibility and the new husband adopts your child. 

The court won't order you to pay more if you can't afford it. In fact they may order you to pay less if you can prove you can't afford the current amount.


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## shaughey (27 Apr 2010)

Brilliant, thanks for such quick response - maybe you could also help, as above, its only been 6months since was granted my access order and now she wants to change/stop it - can she do this? obviosly she's trying so what grounds or argument would she need to give the judge to make this happen? thanks


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## Magpie (27 Apr 2010)

Its unlikely without any change. They don't change orders of that type on a whim, and generally take a dim view of people using the courts to fight with exes etc. 
Is she giving any reason for varying the order?


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## shaughey (27 Apr 2010)

No she wont communicate at all, I can only speak to her thru texts as every time we speak on the phone she screams and abuses me but more importantly she then sends me messages about how I threatened to make her life a misery during the phonecall! so i feel i cant answer her calls as I'm afraid of what she'll accuse me off saying to her and it'll be her word against mine. 

The only idea I have as to why she's trying to change access order is that she doesn't know my address but the only reason I wont give it to her is because her partner called me one night and demanded I have the child home earlier than my access order permitted and when I said no he threatened to come to my house and pull the child out of it!! I have a partner and 10 month old baby to consider as well! I reported this to gardai who couldn't do anyting.

Her partner has also come out to my car when I was collecting the child and told me he would only allow child to go with me if I met His conditions - Is he even allowed to do this? How can I make it that he's not allowed to contact me?


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## doubledeb (27 Apr 2010)

What reason is she giving you why she wants to change the access order?  Go to the court, if you are not working and receipt of JB/JA your maintanence will undoubtably be reduced, then you can spoil your daughter when you see her instead.  Is there a history of drugs or violence in the relationship?


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## shaughey (27 Apr 2010)

Absolutly not. My child and I have an amazing relationship, ex and I split over 9yrs ago when we were kids, no badness. How can I stop her ex from contacting me/harassing me and my family?


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## doubledeb (27 Apr 2010)

A protection order is one way to go.  Then if he abuses you anymore he can be arrested on the spot.  Saying that if things are as bad as you say with the ex this would probably add fuel to the fire where access is an issue already. And even though you have a access order if she says you can't see your daughter, you are powerless to do anything only go back through the courts again.


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## shaughey (27 Apr 2010)

Thanks a million


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## csirl (27 Apr 2010)

> Her partner has also come out to my car when I was collecting the child and told me he would only allow child to go with me if I met His conditions - Is he even allowed to do this?


 
A member of the public is not allowed vary an order made by the Courts. Judges take a very very dim view of people doing this sort of thing. Whats even worse is that he has no legal connection to the child.


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## redbhoy (25 May 2010)

I dont think she can look for a change to the maintenance so soon. My ex told me that (when we were on good terms). Said that she has to wait 12 months to apply for increase. 
You should apply for joint custody and see what happens. 
The judges are fair so just tell him your circumstances and everything that happened honestly and you'll be grand.
If you cant afford the maintenance, say so and the judge may lower it.

Good luck


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## Thirsty (25 May 2010)

> You should apply for joint custody and see what happens.


Waste of time; after 10 years there's no point, even if granted nothing will change with regard to the child's living arrangements.


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## redbhoy (26 May 2010)

I applied for joint custody and got it with my two. There was other influencing factors so she didnt object to it. It just means that I get more of a say in what goes on with them.
She had taken them out of a school as she had a personality clash with the principle of the school. She wanted to put one of them on Ritalin at 5 years of age.
Now it all has to be run by me first.


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## Thirsty (27 May 2010)

> It just means that I get more of a say in what goes on with them


Guardianship is what gives you this - not joint custody.

Again in the OPs case, after 10 years it's not going to achieve anything in regards to the child's living arrangements.


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