# Ex-wife wont allow me me to collect possessions from family Home



## thelegend

Good afternoon all

Hopefully someone can give me some advice on this matter.

I am seperated from my Wife, we have 2 children and a mortgage, we split up because we couldnt get on.

I have been the sole earner and provided a 5 bedroom house for ten years, when we split I refused to leave the family home, as i wanted to be close to my children and for financhial reasons, and converted a section of the house (seperate living quarters etc).

But she wasnt having any of this, as she started a relationship with a 3rd party. She went to the guards and made a bogus complaint of domestic violence (this was completely untrue) she was granted an intruim barring order which allowed me to stay at the house. 

She then made another bogus claim, this time she alledged it was mental abuse (again completly untrue) so i was arrested, brought to court, relased and was given 15 minutes to collect me personal bellongings from the home. She was granted a barring order so as i could not enter the home.

The barring order is up this month and i wanted to know what is the correct procedure to collect my things. Basicially i had time to collect my clothes and cds and nothing else. All my tools, family er-looms possessions i had gathered before and during the marraige. The house is state of the art, she has everything and i have nothing. after a year staying at my mothers house i have just moved into a one bedroom apartment and cant afford the necessities eg tv , stereo, there are 4 tvs in the family home 5 stereos. my computer, my photos, Can i go in when the order is up? do i inform the local guards, any advice would be gratefully appreciated. 

The house is a joint mortgage between me and my ex.


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## ajapale

What does your solicitor advise?


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## thelegend

I have no solisitor at the moment, as i cant afford one at the moment


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## Guest105

I am very sorry to hear of your situation, it is a very distressing time for you.

You may be eligible for Legal Aid  http://www.legalaidboard.ie/LAB/Publishing.nsf/Content/Home

wishing you well


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## thelegend

im not entitled to legsl aid as i am in full time employment, then paying mortgage and rent plus my car and maintanance, there isnt a whole lot left


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## monagt

There is a group that supports single Dads, dunno what its called though.
You need to contact them ASAP!


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## niceoneted

Are you pulling the full mortgage - capital and interest? If so it might be worth approaching the bank explaining the situation and going interest only or getting mortgage break. This will free up some cash and will allow for you to see a solicitor. It is imperative you see one.


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## horusd

Get a free appointment /advice with FLAC. [broken link removed]

You can call them and/or call in.


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## Guest105

monagt said:


> There is a group that supports single Dads, dunno what its called though.
> You need to contact them ASAP!


 

Is it AMEN

http://www.amen.ie/


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## thelegend

the bank wont do it, initially when we split i stopped paying the mortgage for a while, so im paying capital, intrest and arrears when the arrears are paid then they will talk to me, that will be in 2 months


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## Guest105

thelegend - You need to contact one of the helplines listed above, they will be best advised to help you.


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## thelegend

ok thanks Cashier


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## Guest105

Try not to worry too much, everyone feels for you, I just can't even contemplate how awful it is to be seperated from you children.  Family law always puts the interest of the child before anything else and you do have rights.  Take care and let us know how you get on.


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## thelegend

i do see my children, my question was about collecting my possessions from the family home and how to go about that


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## fababby

The organisation mentioned is probably  - contact _Rachel O'Toole on 087 151 1204 or 085 123 2548 _

_A_


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## Complainer

Hope this isn't a dumb question, but why are you continuing to pay the full mortgage? Is there a seperation agreement or court ordered maintenance?


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## monagt

*Support & advice*



thelegend said:


> i do see my children, my question was about collecting my possessions from the family home and how to go about that



I know but you probably need advice, support and someone to answer basic process questions.

It important to proceed in a correct manner (for all concerned).


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## alexandra123

Their is going to be an issue with removing the posessions or even being in agreement as to what should be removed. She might argue that you do not own the posessions that you are taking etc....so I reckon it will be very messy.

I would suggest:
Go back to the court and ask for the return of possesions that 
are owned by you, I don't think you need a solictor for that. Put before the judge the items that you want otherwise ask for monies in return of allowing her to keep the posessions. 

Once the judge gives a nod on what you can take either: 
See if a local guard will call up to the house with you while you collect your posessions.

OR

When she is not their - go in and take what is on that list. You are not tresspassing as you own the house. The contents should be rightfully halved within reason. if you just go in and take what you want - you are not stealing either - so she cannot do you for that. I don't think she will have much of a leg to stand on if she calls the guards as it is a domestic dispute and the items are rightfully both parties and both parties will have to give some sort of reason or proof as to why they own the item if it is dragged to court. For such a small matter, it should really not end up in court. Make sure though that if you do call up to the house that you have someone with you that will stand as a witness - if she wrongfully makes a false claim - tell her you will do her for defamation of character. 

If it was me - I would just go in when she was not their and take what I need once it was not effecting the children ! The backside of this is that she might not allow you to see the kids until you give the items back !



Good Luck !


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## PaddyBloggit

I wouldn't be paying the mortgage on a house I didn't have access to without some kind of a court order.

The least she could do is allow you collect your stuff. Seems like she wants all.

If you stopped paying the mortgage she'd be losing more than you would as you aren't living there

If it was me I'd stop paying the mortgage and I'd use the money to pay for a solicitor to look after my interests.


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## thelegend

Thank you all so much for your advice. I have spoken to a solisitor. He he going to wait till the order has ceased, and then contact her solicitor to arrange a day suitable to both parties to collect my things. Also he will be requesting the local guards to be present for my own safety. I won't be paying mortgage as it has come to my attention she has gained full tome employment and also has her boyfriend living there now .


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## regvw

The legend, this looks lke a solicitors field day to me, You do know all you are doing is giving her notice to remove anything of value you have in the house. 

If there is no barring order on you and its your house you are entitled to be there. 

Go down and get your stuff and have no more about it would be my advice.


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## thelegend

this is a very devious woman, i just want to move on with my life and avoid any hasstle, if i remove my possessions without giving her notice will there be any repocussions ???


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## thelegend

If she removes my personal effects, before i can go surly she can get in bother,, it states on the order that neither of us can remove items in the house while the order is in effect,


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## mel26

Two sides to every story.


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## regvw

i'm sure she is a very devious woman, why not move back in again now that the baring order is over. you need to show her you wont be taken for  a fool


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## csirl

Get a barring order against her new boyfriend coming anywhere near your house/childen. Will get her attention and make her more willing to compromise.


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## mf1

csirl said:


> Get a barring order against her new boyfriend coming anywhere near your house/childen. Will get her attention and make her more willing to compromise.



On what basis? This is a total non-starter. 


"Go down and get your stuff and have no more about it would be my advice. "

"i'm sure she is a very devious woman, why not move back in again now that the baring order is over. you need to show her you wont be taken for a fool "

Dreadful, dreadful advice. Only inflames an already appalling situation. 

Best advice: try and negotiate. Mediate , if possible. 
If that fails, seek a Court Order. 

mf


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## alexandra123

If the boyfriend is living their and the wife is  in employment, I would keep up half of the payments or more as the wife has to pay for child care.

If you stop making payments, their will come a time, when the children will be evicted from their home. This would make them homeless  - you need to think if this is something that you want your kids to go through ? 
Also - when the house is sold - if it goes down that road, you can claim more of the profit back if you show proof of payments for the next couple of months/years or you can reduce your end payment total if it is in negative equitity.

I would also insist on the boyfriend handing over rent money and give him a binding contract. Take half of his money out of your share of the mortgage payment. He cant expect to live their scott free. Check and see what the going rate is in your area for renting a room and increase it by a % . If he does not agree, tell him to move out.

Their is two sides to every story, so people should be conscious of making a person out to be of a certain type of character. It is best just to deal with the facts - that is that he wants his posessions. 

When one of my family members split from his wife, he made himself out to be the angel in conversations with people, but infact he was the complete opposite. This is no reflection on the poster.


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## thelegend

Thank you very much for all you advice. Yes you are right, I'm no angel, I do accept I am not completely innocent as far as the separation goes, but as far as the house / property, I left with my clothes and cd's. It wasn't my intention to gain sympathy, just advice, and I do believe I have received some good advice here. Thank you all for the time you have taken to share your advice and wisdom with me


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## csirl

mf1 said:


> On what basis? This is a total non-starter.
> mf


 

In a previous post, the OP mentions having the guards present for his protection when going to collect his stuff. So he feels that he is at risk of physical harm. As boyfriend is mentioned in the same post, I am making an educated guess that he would be intimidated by the presence of the boyfriend (could be wrong I admit). If this is the case, then he does have a good reason to get a barring order. A property owner has a right to enter his own property without feeling intimidated.


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## thelegend

ah no , i dont feel intemidated by the boyfriend, i have never met him at all, i know my ex is trying to have the order extended,(without cause, as we dont even speak to one-another and the only place ive seen her in the last 18 mionths is in a court room ) if i was to walk into the house on my own, she could easly make a report that i intimidated her, or worse!! as she has made false claims in the past to obtain the order , i feel i would be safer with an independent person there such as the guards to ensure nothing kicks off,


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## csirl

> as she has made false claims in the past to obtain the order


 
This is a serious issue - did you ever contest these claims? Surely the interim order would have been lifted immediately if you had contested it? Also, with interim orders, you are usually entitled to compensation for the inconvenience if the order is deemed to be unwarranted.


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## thelegend

i never contested these claims, while the intrim order was in force, she claimed i spoke to her in an intimidating manner (untrue) so she reported this, while the intrim order was in force. i was arrested and relased and told to leave the house. i was never given an oppertunity to give my side of the story in court, and when she requested a one year barring order (from the home) i aggreed on the advice of my then solisitor. i feel this was bad advice now. i have never been in trouble with the law in my entire life and certainly didnt want a criminal conviction. they agreed that all alligations would be ignored if i agreed to the order. i have not gone near the property and have not spoken to my ex since and now she is looking to have the order extended. i phone my children every evening, and she is claimimg i am swearing and being verbally abusive towards them ( again untrue) this is the angle she is using to atempt to have the order extended. At this stage i just want to get my things. i did make a request 12 minths ago to collect some possessions through a solisitor and was told she wouldnt allow it


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## alaskaonline

On what basis wouldn't she allow it? "Fair enough" if she feels threatened with your presence regardless if her allegations are true or not BUT you have a right to your possessions and there are options to deal with it i.e. to refuse it flat is not one of them. What did your solicitor say/ advise? We have a case in the family where his requests have been ignored by her for many months but a very straight to the point letter by his solicitor offering her the option of dealing with the matter in court, helped to arrange a pick up day for him. He gets his stuff next week now. Needless to say he will have two witnesses going with him so he won't be picking up the stuff by himself.


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## thelegend

i am not threatning or at all intimidating, this was sipmly a ploy to have me evicted, i have never been in a fight in my entire life, or have i ever had any reason for the guards to contact me until this. my solicitor advised me at the time to consent to the order and wait until the order was up to collect my things. my ex is a very determined and strong willed woman .


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## thelegend

back when i requested my stuff , i compiled a list sent it through the proper channels, and she laughed at it saying "no way". the guards phoned me and told me i wasnt allowed, the guards also told me that once a claim was made re domestic violence against a woman, even though they know its untrue , they have to treat it extreemly carefully as so many women are living in fear of their lives and some even worse. so if they dont treat it seriously and something drastic happens they need to cover their own back sides


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## andy

this is an auwful situation mate i hope you get it resolved with minimum damage, and im speaking form experiance as a former child in a similar situation growing up


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## alaskaonline

thelegend said:


> my solicitor advised me at the time to consent to the order and wait until the order was up to collect my things. my ex is a very determined and strong willed woman .


 very very bad advise of that solicitor. thank god you got a new one. by consenting to it no court will give you a hearing to defend yourself. just bad but still not a  reason to deny you your belongings.


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## csirl

thelegend said:


> back when i requested my stuff , i compiled a list sent it through the proper channels, and she laughed at it saying "no way". the guards phoned me and told me i wasnt allowed, the guards also told me that once a claim was made re domestic violence against a woman, even though they know its untrue , they have to treat it extreemly carefully as so many women are living in fear of their lives and some even worse. so if they dont treat it seriously and something drastic happens they need to cover their own back sides


 
In fairness to the Gardai, they have no option - if the Courts have officially said you are a danger to your ex and have to be kept away from her, then they must enforce this. They have zero lattitude to ignore a court order. 

As said by another poster, the big mistake was not contesting the original order - by consenting, you agreed with her view that you are a danger. And if circumstances have not changed since then, she has a very good chance of getting it extended. Not sure how you can overcome this setback, but one option may be to make an inventory of property solely owned by yourself and get agreement that someone appointed by you can call and collect all the items on the list.


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## Bronte

thelegend said:


> i phone my children every evening, and she is claimimg i am swearing and being verbally abusive towards them ( again untrue) this is the angle she is using to atempt to have the order extended.


 
If she is lying then you need to cover yourself and record the phone calls.  

Can you clarify on what grounds your ex said 'no way' to the list of things you asked for.  What was on the list exactly?

Also don't think it is a good idea for you to go to the house in any circumstances.  Can you not ask for a mutually agreeable person to collect your belongings.  If you've lived without them for a year do you really really need them.  

Still don't understand how you agreed to the barring order.  Shocking that a solicitor would advice this.


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## Sylvia200

there 's something wrong here.  You can't just go to court and have a person barred from their own home.  I think something went on that you're not advising of.  Also, you can't have a person barred from their own home for violence unless there's a record of it somewhere, and you certainly can't have a person barred from their own home on the basis that they have a mental illness if there's no medical certificate.  I have a feeling that you're holding something back, but this is my best guess. I think your solicitor is right to have the local gardai present when you collect your things.  and if the mother of your children has gained full time employment, this does not exempt you from paying support for your own children, which includes helping them to keep a roof over their head, even if it is only a portion of what you were previously paying.  And as you have access to your children, the court would know that you are not a violent person, as violence is one of the two reasons they will protect the children.  I'm very suspicious about this, and would ask people who appear to be sympathising with you to have an open mind.


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## thelegend

i was living with my parents and have just moved to an apartment, i have the basic furniture a loan of a tv and little else, she is living in a 5 bedroom house stocked to the rafters with stuff i have bought


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## alaskaonline

Sylvia200 in an ideal world I would agree with you that you shouldn't be able to go to court and (falsely) obtain a barring order without sufficient proof etc. but those people who sit in court and make those decisions are also only people and sometimes make mistakes. In OPs case it didn't help him to consent to it with the help of his useless solicitor.

Having rights in theory and getting them in practice are two very different things - I can speak out of experience here. Considering he has access to the children - it speaks volumes how much of a "dangerous" person he really is.

Regardless if there is a barring order or not, he is entitled to his possessions. Full stop.


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## Bronte

thelegend said:


> i was living with my parents and have just moved to an apartment, i have the basic furniture a loan of a tv and little else, she is living in a 5 bedroom house stocked to the rafters with stuff i have bought


 
Would like if you would respond to what is in the house that is so important to you, stuff you've done without for a year. 

You hardly want to take furniture from the home where your children reside and presumably the TV's are in their rooms and for their use. Do you resent the fact that she is in the house and you are in an apartment?

Sylvia - he consented to the barring order apparently on the advice of his solicitor. So presumable no proof was required.


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## Yorrick

"there 's something wrong here. You can't just go to court and have a person barred from their own home."

I am fairly sure that a person can apply to the Family Law Court and get an  Interim Barring Order. This can be done without the other party being present. This will bar you from the house until a full hearing is heard to determine whether or not a permanent Barring Order will be issued.


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## truthseeker

Yorrick said:


> "there 's something wrong here. You can't just go to court and have a person barred from their own home."
> 
> I am fairly sure that a person can apply to the Family Law Court and get an Interim Barring Order. This can be done without the other party being present. This will bar you from the house until a full hearing is heard to determine whether or not a permanent Barring Order will be issued.


 
I have helped a couple of people go through Dolphin House to get interim barring orders and its not that easy. Not at all. It is not just taken that the word of one person is the truth, there must be supporting evidence, medical records and garda complaints to back it up. I know one case where there was a long history (documented by the local doctor and the guards) of violence and the judge refused the order because the gentleman in question said he was now off the drink (he wasnt).

If it was as easy as just applying to the Family Law Court without the other person present then people would be getting accused of domestic violence and thrown out of their homes and clogging up the court systems no end.


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## csirl

When an Interim Order is made, the Judge usually sets a date within 2-3 weeks for a full hearing of the issue at which both parties can give their version of events - so you never get a situation whereby someone is barred from their house for a long time without having the opportunity to defend any allegations. In this particular case, the OP consented, so the question of evidence/proof does not arise.


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## thelegend

first of all there are 2 living rooms with tvs, i just want 1, mailnly i want my tools, family photos etc stuff i had before the marraige, secondly i wasnt present when the intrim order was made , while the intrim order was in force, she made another bogus complaint while the intrim order was in force, therefore according to the court i was in breach of an order, i was evicted from the home at that stage and moved to my mothers, it was then that i was brought to court for the order , and as i was no longer living there i was advised to consent to the order,


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## Bronte

thelegend said:


> secondly i wasnt present when the intrim order was made ,
> 
> while the intrim order was in force, she made another bogus complaint while the intrim order was in force,
> 
> therefore according to the court i was in breach of an order, i was evicted from the home at that stage and moved to my mothers, it was then that i was brought to court for the order , and as i was no longer living there i was advised to consent to the order,


 
Can you go back on this slowly. Why were you not there when the interim order was made initially? 

Why did you not object to the first bogus complaint?

Why did you not object to the second bogus complaint?

Were you physically evicted from the house?

What do you mean by being brought to court, physically brought? Or you went to court yourself. 

Because you were not living in the marital home you were adviced to constent to the order? This doesn't make sense. 

It would be much easier for you to get advice if you went back step by step on what happened, not the fighting or emotions, just the legalities.


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## flattea2

So you want just your tools and a TV mainly but your ex-wife laughed at the list? I don’t really understand - no matter how things may be I would have thought she would not have a problem with this. Even just to get you out of her hair so to speak.

A lot of other things you say just don’t add up for me. 

I wish you well though – get a new solicitor.


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## thelegend

1)the first intrim order was made without my knowledge, i wasnt in court nor had i any clue about it.
2)i made a statment to the guards denying this a week later,
3) i was due in couts 2 weeks after the order was made, it was then i was going to make my plea, but before i had that oppertunity she made her second bogus complaint, so i was then in breach of a court order,
4) i was in bed at 5:30 am when she let the guards in and i was arrested on alledged breach of a court order. so i was given 15 mins to collect my clothes.
5) so i moved into my mothers home and was then i had an oppertunity to go to court to defend myself and was then advised to consent to the order, as my then solisitor said, "look you cant live there anyway what difference would it make to have the order, and because there were alligations of domestic violence (bogus) the other side agreed to quash them if i stayed away, we were more concerned with not getting a criminal conviction more than anything as if i had i would be dismissed from my current employment , again thank you for your help.
anything i have posted is true to the best of my knowledge,


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## thelegend

apologies on point (4) when i was arrested, i was was brought to the guarda station put in a cell, and was transported to court, the judge ordered that i leave the family home,


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## alexandra123

Thelegend,

You don't need to justify yourself or explain in detail what has happened. That is your own business. Your question was in relation to how best to get your stuff back - I think people have well gone off track here. I also think people have answered your question as best they could based on information given and what you should do ! 


Best of luck with whatever way you proceed with this !


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## thelegend

Thank you, and yes i do agree we have gone a mile off track, i was just justifing it as people couldnt understand ?
Thank you all for your patience and help


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## Michelle

I think this needs some clarification and my understanding of domestic violence legislation is as follows: 
An interim barring order is granted ex parte - i.e. just the applicant is in court. The Respondent (thelegend) knows nothing about it unless the order is granted. The order is effective immediately and the Respondent must leave the property. It is granted on the basis that there is a significant and immediate danger of serious harm to the Applicant. 

An interim barring order can last for a maximum of a week and ceases when the application for a barring order or a safety order is heard and dealt with. If the application for a barring order or safety order is not dealt with for some reason the court can extend the interim barring order for the same period of time again. 

A barring order and or safety order can be granted in the absence of Respondent if the court is satisfied that the respondent knows about the application and court date.

You are not entitled to barring orders in respect of someone to whom you are not married or with whom you have not resided for a period of time as specified in the legislation. 

Anyone subject to any of these applications should get legal advice asap.


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## Bronte

So an interim order was granted to his wife (she in court, he was not) which barred him from the house but he says he was not told about it. How does he find out about the order, does he not have to be served the order. 

When the second hearing came up, which presumably is a proper hearing where he can object and defend himself he wrongly consented to the order on apparently bad legal advice. Can he get this overturned? Can he appeal it? 

OP, would you not be better off buying yourself a new TV and tools in the meantime. You said you made a list of your property and sent it through the proper channels. You mean you gave the list to your solicitor? And your solicitor sent it to her solicitor. What exactly were the reasons for her rejection as per the solicitor?


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## csirl

> there were alligations of domestic violence (bogus) the other side agreed to quash them if i stayed away, we were more concerned with not getting a criminal conviction more than anything


 
There is no chance of you getting convicted of domestic violence if you are innocent. Criminal convictions are not given solely on the word of the complainant - there needs to be evidence. So if it didnt happen, there is no evidence so no chance of conviction.


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## Michelle

Bronte said:


> So an interim order was granted to his wife (she in court, he was not) which barred him from the house but he says he was not told about it. How does he find out about the order, does he not have to be served the order.
> 
> When the second hearing came up, which presumably is a proper hearing where he can object and defend himself he wrongly consented to the order on apparently bad legal advice. Can he get this overturned? Can he appeal it?


 
Yes he would have to be served with a copy of the Order as he cannot be convicted of breaching it if he didn't know about it. The District Court Clerk may have posted it but it's more likely that the Gardai who are furnished with a copy brought it to his attention and then waited while he left the property.
The Applicant/Respondent has 14 days to appeal a District Court Order.A person can apply to the District Court to have the barring order discharged but I think it's expiring this month anyway. It is unusual for someone to consent to the granting of a barring order in the absence of domestic violence though of course it can happen. It is equally unusual to have an interim barring order that permits the person to stay in the house and I would suggest it was more likely a protection order. She alleged the mental abuse which was seen to amount to a breach of the order and at the hearing for the barring order, was successful. It appears that the parties agreed to the barring order and dropped the allegation re breach of the protection or interim barring order. 

To the original poster - if your ex is applying for the barring order to continue you must contest this or it will possibly be granted and you should get a solicitor. Negotiate a fee and use the solicitor to have your items returned. Bring a list of the items to the barring order hearing and try and get it all sorted on one day.


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## alaskaonline

> Michelle;1171541]Yes he would have to be served with a copy of the Order as he cannot be convicted of breaching it if he didn't know about it.


Just out of own interest - how are these letters served? Per registered post?

If by standard post, is there not a chance ex removed letter before he got a chance seeing it? Hence the whole Gardai event....


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## thelegend

Thank you all for your advice, She is bringing me back to court 3 days before the order is to cease to attempt to have it extended, i have not been near the house or in the presence of my ex , nor have i even spoke to her in over a year now, but i am told even though she may well have it extended if she goes down the road of saying because the order is in place i wont be a "burden " on her, 

In answer to your questions, the order was posted to the family home, i hadnt recieved it personally as the post was aprehended by my ex. 
The local guards had contacted me over the phone, at the time i was in company and couldnt really talk or listen to him, but had agreed to call in to him the next day, the next day before i got in to the guards station i was arrested, 
It appeared to me that the local guards while doing their job were sick and tired of listening to her complaining, making bogus accusations, and being a complete nusence, they thought that if i was no longer living at the house, they were eliminating the problem.....
I am no longer there and in the last 4 weeks even though i havnt seen or spoken to my ex , she has made 8 visits to her guarda station trying to build a case file for herself, she made 1 statement saying i swore at my children on the phone,, ( this would be classed as threatening) Now i dont use that sort of language in my day to day life and certainly wouldnt use it while conversing with a child.


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## thelegend

in my last post, what i said was of coarse just my opinion and may be wrong, but that is just my feeling on it.


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## Michelle

alaskaonline said:


> Just out of own interest - how are these letters served? Per registered post?
> 
> If by standard post, is there not a chance ex removed letter before he got a chance seeing it? Hence the whole Gardai event....



Section 10 of the 1996 act states "Oral communication to the respondent by or on behalf of the applicant of  the fact that a safety order, barring order, interim barring order or  protection order has been made, together with production of a copy of  the order, shall, without prejudice to the sufficiency of any other form  of notification, be taken to be sufficient notification to the  respondent of the making of the order."

it appears that the Gardai advise the original poster... It's my understanding that summonses under the act and the Orders can be served by ordinary post. It's not perfect but I suppose a lot of respondents in cases like this may refuse registered post and then plead that they were not aware of the Order or Summons...


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## Bronte

thelegend said:


> The local guards had contacted me over the phone, at the time i was in company and couldnt really talk or listen to him, but had agreed to call in to him the next day, the next day before i got in to the guards station i was arrested,
> .


 
My goodness, don't understand on something so serious why you didn't go immediately to the Garda station to find out what was going on?


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## thelegend

Bronte, i would of gone straight to the guards, on the day in question i was in a hospice with my terninally ill friend whom i had made a promise too. he passed away 3 days later,


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## Bronte

My apologies theLegend I had incorrectly assumed you were in a pub and couldn't be bothered. 

Not sure how one can undo an order that you agreed to unless you are allowed appeal it. 

If your wife is telling lies, and I still find it extraordinary that a judge will so easily continue a barring order without some evidence (though it seems the fact that the wife has made many complaints to the gardai, is this enough? without any other evidence?), it seems to me that you have to calmly and clearly object to the continuation. If she says you are being abusive in telephone calls as previously advised have proof that this is not so. You have to play by the rule book no matter now angry, bitter etc you are. You will not gain anything by retaliating and it will only make things worse all around, especially for children. A good solicitor should advise you of your rights. You asked for specific advice on getting your good back but this story needs a professional and you must realise that you somehow have to get the money to pay for that advice. For example you seem to be paying for everything and it looks to me like you need to look at divorce and maintenance. 

And because there are two sides to every argument, she must be awfully awfully cross with you to be doing this.  

How do you know your wife has been to the gardai with bogus complaints so many times, can you refute them? Have you proof they are not true. Michelle in particular seemed to give advice on going to court and asking for your possessions back. Also the organisations for men Amen etc will have a wealth of experience in cases where wife's are lying. You need some kind of support, mental support is very important, particularly for the mind games, don't underestimate it. But in all cases be calm and don't do anything rash.


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## thelegend

Thank you Bronte, the guards have told me themselves that she is in and out all the time, and too quote 1 guard, he said it appears that she is trying to put together a case file to have the order extended


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## Bronte

Do you know exactly what her complaints are and can you refute them?  Can you tell us the complaints, you really need to know exactly what the complaints are if you are going to be able to defend yourself.  Have you hired a solicitor?  Get a good one, take a trip to your local court and see which solicitor is good and hire that one.


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## thelegend

she claims i swore at my child using the f word, and that i was forceful in my speach and that my child would be seeing a lot more of me as i would be moving home soon, then, she is simply going into the garda station when i call my children, she records every conversation, and the calls are always on loud speaker which makes it difficulf to hear my children.


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## thelegend

thanks for all your help guys, i have now given up, its no good the laws in this country are all in favour of females, no justice for fathers, i have given up,


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## Bronte

That's very sad thelegend that you've given up.  It is not true to say that the laws are all for females and it saddens me that you feel that way.  Did you try one of the male organisations, they will empathise with your case and should be able to help you.  You should never, no matter what, give up where children are concerned.  Nothing can take them away from you.


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