# Separation, financial head melt.



## tootsie (2 Nov 2009)

So, looking for a bit of advice.
Separated roughly 2 and a half years. 4 kids. Ex pays no maintenance at the moment and hasint done for last 8 months. I pay the mortgage, all the bills etc. He's not providing the means statement etc to solicitor even though we submitted court documents months and months ago. He was on sick leave for a good 6 months, so i understand him not being able to pay during this time. Cant get blood from a stone.

I believe he is back at work, though we have almost no contact at this stage. he wants to sell the family home, obviously i dont, this is home for our kids and i, he has lived with his parents these last few years.

So, i cant afford to buy him out, no way i can get a loan as im just about managing as i am. On my salary i dont think i could get this mortgage on my own. Not sure what the equity in the house is, I think €100,000 but who knows in this market. 

I really have no idea what to expect at this stage. I work full time, but with child care costs, financially there would be very little difference if i was receiving social welfare i think.

I'm wondering if anyone who has been down this road can give advice? I'm at a loss to see how we can keep it clean. I know there are no winners in family court. I just don't want to kids to end up stuck in rented accommodation. He wouldint even answer the letters asking for an amicable working out of our financial details, and is leaving me with little choice but court. 

Any advice greatly appreciated.


----------



## Marietta (2 Nov 2009)

i stand to be corrected i think you cant be forced to sell the family home until the youngest child turns 18. In family law, the welfare of the child is paramount.


----------



## tootsie (3 Nov 2009)

Marietta said:


> i stand to be corrected i think you cant be forced to sell the family home until the youngest child turns 18. In family law, the welfare of the child is paramount.


 
Thanks for the reply. Yes, i also heard that but, as my solicitor pointed out he can't be expected just to walk away as he has jointly paid the mortgage for a couple of years previous to his leaving. He will have to start over again. Though, he had no problem not paying either if you know what i mean. If it was up to him we'd be in repossession by now.

I just cant see a way to do it as i cant afford it.


----------



## mathepac (3 Nov 2009)

tootsie said:


> ... he wants to sell the family home...


He cannot force a sale.


Marietta said:


> ... i think you cant be forced to sell the family home until the youngest child turns 18...


I beleive it may be 23 if the child is in full-time education.


----------



## mf1 (4 Nov 2009)

Marietta said:


> i stand to be corrected i think you cant be forced to sell the family home until the youngest child turns 18. In family law, the welfare of the child is paramount.



Its not as simple as that. 

In a Court situation the Court looks at all the assets of the two parties and is charged with attempting to make proper provision for both parties. The welfare of the children is a paramount concern but that does not extend to an automatic order that the family home cannot be sold. Its an easy decision if there are lots of assets. Where there is precious little, the family home is an asset - nothing more or less.

Its not a question of being forced to do anything : its a Court making an order where parties themselves cannot reach agreement. If the order is that the family home be sold, then that is it. It does come as a shock to people to find that the Court will not go along with their aspirations and will make orders that they find unpalatable.

In this scenario, OP has little choice: she either does nothing in which case lord alone knows  what will happen or she risks the sale of the family home if she goes to Court. But she says that her husband is not interested in an amicable agreement so it looks like Court.  If she wants some form  of resolution, however unpalatable it may ultimately be.

mf


----------



## tootsie (6 Nov 2009)

mf1 said:


> Its not as simple as that.
> 
> In a Court situation the Court looks at all the assets of the two parties and is charged with attempting to make proper provision for both parties. The welfare of the children is a paramount concern but that does not extend to an automatic order that the family home cannot be sold. Its an easy decision if there are lots of assets. Where there is precious little, the family home is an asset - nothing more or less.
> 
> ...


 
Thanks for your reply mf.

The family home is not "nothing more than an asset to me and the the 4 kids though" to us it is home. To my husband it is wealth tied up. 

I had a meeting with my solicitor yesterday, my husband has responded with his defense and counterclaim. Basically, he agrees that we are separated more than twelve months and agrees to legal separation.

So 3 thing to discuss. 

1.Kids. To me the most important issue. He wants joint custody, great. I want the kids to have as good a relationship as possible with their father. He is their dad, i hope he sees them regularly.

2. The family home. I know it's not impossible that the would force a sale, but according to my solicitor VERY unlikely 4 kids are going to be turfed out on the street. This however brings it's own complications though. My salary however may be enough to hold the mortgage on my own with some restructuring. I'm going to organise a meeting with them as soon as i can to discuss this so it won't be a bolt out of the blue for the mortgage company when the court order or agreement is reached. 

3. Financials 

Maintenance etc. TBH this is the least of my concerns. This last year showed me if nothing else i can't depend on him for maintenance. He has paid nothing. I did offer to waive maintenance if he relinquished his title to the house. I now know this is not an offer he can take as apparently a couple of years down the road i can then chase him for the maintenance i originally signed away.

Ive a feeling it's going to get alot worse before it gets better. Will have a clearer picture when we (if we) get his means statement. Hope to be up in court in January.

Thanks for all the replies


----------



## SarahMc (20 Nov 2009)

tootsie said:


> Maintenance etc. TBH this is the least of my concerns. This last year showed me if nothing else i can't depend on him for maintenance. He has paid nothing. I did offer to waive maintenance if he relinquished his title to the house. I now know this is not an offer he can take as apparently a couple of years down the road i can then chase him for the maintenance i originally signed away.



Personally, this is the offer I would be making too.  Judges are reasonable people, and although there is no such thing as a final settlement in family law here, if you get your ducks in a row and document everything you should be ok.


----------

