Urgent Advice Needed: Mortgage Refused because I have bad credit

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Flax said:
She made some terrible decisions. I do not believe giving her a hug will sort her out. She needs tough love a this stage.
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bmg is fully aware she made some bad choices and she is having a really bad time at the minute (that is punishment enough i think), i don't think having a go at her is helping, you can try and help her situation without making her feel anyworse than she already does at the moment

No a "hug" wont sort out her situation but feeling like she has people to talk to might make her feel a bit better, we all need support sometimes!!
 
I know she's having a hard time, but if my harsh words focus her mind on listening to experts, then I am happy to give it, even if it makes me sounds like a prick.
 
Flax said:
I know she's having a hard time, but if my harsh words focus her mind on listening to experts, then I am happy to give it, even if it makes me sounds like a prick.
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Alternatively your "harsh words" as you put it might result in her not posting again for fear of being made to feel stupid. I thought the tone of your initial post was so incredibly condescending. Everyone makes mistakes(yes, I'm sure even you). She's trying to sort it out now, no need to make her feel stupid.

Best of luck bmg, I hope you find a solution.
 
Flax

I have just read the last two pages of this and I fully support the approach you are taking.

Tough love is often necessary. But the person providing it will usually just get abused for it. It's much easier to hug someone and tell them that the banks are really terrible. The "victim" gets a warm fuzzy feeling, but it doesn't help them solve their problem.

Well done!

Brendan
 
I think only one person saw fit to indicate (delicately) that perhaps the banks bear some responsibility, no-one else seems to see that as the problem or want to hug the OP for it. For myself, while I think that Flax has a point the trouble is it is too late, the OP has already had the reality check the hard way. No point slapping a child that has fallen off the wall you told them not to climb on, they have already been slapped much harder by the ground.
 
Don't be embarrassed about going to MABS they don't do miracles they only look for a practical and realistic way out of your situation. The big advantage from a financial institutions point of view is that they will trust what they say as being the truth and more than likely accept a proposal from them.
Regarding your ICB record I wouldn’t let it worry you too much you are either going to keep your house or have to sell it either way you won’t be looking for credit in the future.
As someone who spent a period dealing with situations where people ICB record is impacted. I feel that people worry about it too much when in general it exists to prevent access to credit in situations where it shouldn’t be given.
 
This thread is becoming judgemental and pontificating and is in danger of running off track. Unfortunately like some of the recent posters, I don't have any constructive advice other than encouraging you to follow the advice of MABS. I'm just posting to wish you the best of luck.
 
Unfortunately unmarried mothers do not enjoy the same protection in law as married ones do. You will not be able to seek maintenance for yourself and in relation to the house you are viewed in the eyes of the law as if you were two strangers who happened to buy a house together. You are entitled only to what you put into the house financially. You are however entitled to seek maintenance for your son and perhaps in view of the fact that your ex partner is saying he wants to leave the country now is the right time to tie down a settlement from him in that regard. You probably should try to arrange a meeting with your ex and ask him his intentions in relation to the house and a proposed settlement for your son. Don't agree to any thing without considering it and preferably with the benefit of legal advice.
 
BMG my apologies if I was being too harsh earlier, it's just the way I am with financial advice. I like your post number 148 you've got guts, and seem to be more mature and I don't mean that in a condescending way, the reason many of us are able to post on here is that we too have made mistakes and learnt from them. It's really very brave to come on here and detail the problems and I do sincerely hope you suceed.
 
Brendan said:
Flax

I have just read the last two pages of this and I fully support the approach you are taking.

Tough love is often necessary. But the person providing it will usually just get abused for it. It's much easier to hug someone and tell them that the banks are really terrible. The "victim" gets a warm fuzzy feeling, but it doesn't help them solve their problem.

Well done!

Brendan
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Brendan, for want of better words, I find your post somewhat ridiculous.
I'm not looking for hugs or warm fuzzy feelings, nor have I ever claimed to be a "victim"

I did not come back to this thread to be felt sorry for or to look for sympathy and I know that "hugs & warm fuzzy feelings" won't make things better...jeez, why not just stick a Dunce Hat on me and stick me in the corner!!!!!!

Flax may have his/her points, I just don't see what good they are at this stage. There is no point in "advising" what I should have done back then. It's too late for that now. I don't need my mistakes pointed out to me - reality has done that.
I cannot stress that enough!!
I didn't get defensive because he was 'right or wrong' in what he said, it was the way he worded his post, and he only came short of labelling me as Stupid.
Sure, he can judge me if he likes based on the information I posted, but frankly at this stage I don't give a damn.
I've more important things to think about and worry about.

For the rest of you that have offered your words of support and good luck, as much as i know it won't change my situation, it still means something to me....Thanks !
 
bmg said:
There is no point in "advising" what I should have done back then. It's too late for that now.
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I'm advising what you should do now. My advice is simple: do not override the advice of the experts because all the evidence suggests you don't understand debt or the consequences of debt.

bmg said:
he only came short of labelling me as Stupid.
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What you did was stupid. I'm sorry, but it was! There is no point pretending you are a victim. You aren't. You made a series of bad decisions without understanding the consequences of your actions.

Again, I say this not to kick you when you're down, but to make sure you focus on getting help rather than trying to solve things yourself.
 
ClubMan said:
Did you get this yet? Did you arrange an appointment to talk to them in person yet?
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The pack has not arrived yet but my appointment is set for Tuesday June 3rd. The discussion was brief and I will have to gather up some documentation for them to present on the day.
 
Brendan said:
Flax

I have just read the last two pages of this and I fully support the approach you are taking.

Tough love is often necessary. But the person providing it will usually just get abused for it. It's much easier to hug someone and tell them that the banks are really terrible. The "victim" gets a warm fuzzy feeling, but it doesn't help them solve their problem.

Well done!

Brendan
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I'm astounded by this tough love approach.
Why should advice be dished out in a condescending and insulting tone? There is no need for it. To assume the person wouldn't have appreciated the information without this tone is sad.

Maybe if there was more information available from sites in relation to the potential drop in property values over the past 2 years this individual wouldn't be in this situation.
 
coppers said:
You should give this greater consideration; have a look on daft.ie/sharing to see how much you might get in your area. An extra 300-500 tax free per month could make all the difference. Plus help with bills.

I'd move my own furniture in and sleep on the floor if that's what it took, alternatively someone might take unfurnished.
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This seems like a good idea. You give a prospective tenant your bed. Within two months the rent has bought you a new bed. After that, the rent is additional tax-free income.
 
magoko101 said:
Maybe if there was more information available from sites in relation to the potential drop in property values over the past 2 years this individual wouldn't be in this situation.
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LOL

Yep, it's AAM's fault!
 
LDFerguson said:
This seems like a good idea. You give a prospective tenant your bed. Within two months the rent has bought you a new bed. After that, the rent is additional tax-free income.
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I certainly don't knock the idea. I suppose with having a child it's a bit different, If I was on my own I'd have no questions about renting a room.
Then the area I'm in is out of town and very quiet. Wouldn't suit everybody I suppose but would suit some.
However, it's something that could work out very well. I will look into this.
 
magoko101 said:
Maybe if there was more information available from sites in relation to the potential drop in property values over the past 2 years this individual wouldn't be in this situation.
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www.thepropertypin.com - shouting about a property bubble/crash since Nov 2006

www.davidmcwilliams.ie - shouting about a property bubble/crash since God was a child

But as the American Indians say "You can't wake a person who's pretending to be sleeping".
 
bmg - Do look into letting out a room, check for references if you are concerned re the safety of your child etc. You have had a rough couple of years, what with the money problems and that 'rat' of a partner walking out on you, its enough to make anyone feel down in the dumps. I don't think your are stupid or irrational, true you have made mistakes but which of us hasn't??. You would be surprised how many astrute business people go under due to bad decision making. You have got a cross section of advice here, people see your problem from all different angles and respond accordingly and that is fantastic because nothing will be missed or overlooked. Sometimes we need to hear the bad as well as the good, however, you are a survivor and your posts show you have plenty of fighting spirit left in you yet so keep your chin up girl and who knows what's just around the corner for you. Goodluck:)
 
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