Impasse in Divorce Proceedings

[JammyD]

Both currently living in the family home but ex has not paid any contribution towards mortgage since agreeing to separate in 2018 (married in 2011)

Ex and I agreed a buy out settlement in January of this year. On foot of that I have appointed solicitor and have civil bill ready to go. They have not responded to any correspondence from my solicitor in the intervening period and have not provided their solicitors details.

A temporary protection order was granted also in January and there is a barring & protection order hearing pending very shortly. Ex's behavour is controlling & verbally abusive, drug habit in play with a minor in the home.

Ex offered to vacate the home prior to to the hearing if I had it struck out but has now advised that they are going nowhere until buy out money is handed over (half of current equity so a very fair deal considering). Ex has done nothing (not even consulted with solicitor, nevermind appointed one) until late last week meaning there is no time to progress anything prior to Barring/Protection hearing. They are telling me they will simply stay put, have hearing adjourned indefinately and basically make life a living hell until I hand over the money.

Ex wants hearing struck out, and money handed over now. It has been clear since the outset of the agreement that the court date & buy out offer were wholly dependent on them vacating the property and the divorce settled and that the originally offered sum will no longer be available after the date they offered and committed to moving out. Simply put they cannot be trusted to uphold any agreements (they previously offered dates to vacate in February and March), committed to moving out prior to hearing and are now reneiging on that so it's difficult to trust them. I should add that they have accommodation arranged free of rent & ready to move into.

How does one progress this? Obviously my legal team are advising to pay nothing until ex moves out and divorce is settled but by the same token ex's legal team are advising not to move out until money is paid. Not sure if Solicitors can speak directly yet as ex has not actually appointed anyone, rather has had brief phone consult & is "trying" to get an appointment.

Has anyone any advice other than staunching it out & playing hardball here please? Ovbiously it is an increadibly stressful position to be in and I'm unsure how much longer I can live like this, to say nothing of the damage it is causing to the minor in the home

Thanks in advance

 

[Zenith63]

My limited experience in a similar situation was that the solicitors on both sides can be so strong defending the interests of their clients that deadlock is almost inevitable. I was an adult trying to negotiate between my two parents, what unlocked it was me negotiating with both parents separately then being very pushy with the two solicitors to put in-place what we agreed. All worked out in the end and I am 100% certain it would not have, had it been left to the solicitors to figure out.

So in the first instance I'd say that you need to be aware that your solicitor might need a push in the direction you want them to go, if you come up with a solution that you think will work. This will feel strange as it will seem like you're going against your interests but it is 'normal'.

Next, is it possible that there is a competent third party that might be willing to help the two of you negotiate something? You don't want to transfer your problems to them, but they might be willing to speak to both of you separately and propose a few options?

As to what options you actually have others here would be much better qualified to comment. However I'd have thought the scenario where money should only transfer when the other party has taken an action is very common fare for the two legal firms to work out with each other, an escrow agreement or something like that perhaps. The piece you may need to figure out is how the agreement would be structured to confirm your partner has left so the funds can be released. Perhaps the third-party I mention above could be the one who confirms this for the legal teams.

 

[JammyD]

Thanks Zenith

I have suggested escrow and was shot down on the basis that they do not trust me, but to be honest I cannot see their solicitor having an issue with it as its fairly standard fare surely? Their lack of understanding of the legal process is certainly hindering progress.

The advise re a 3rd party is something I hadn't considered so I will think about that & see can I identify someone we both trust enough to represent us both fairly and accurately.

Thanks again for the well thought out reply and for relaying you own experience, it is very much appreciated

 

[deanpark]

I applied succcessfully for a barring order against my spouse and that can give you more options. You say the hearing is shortly so that might be the best option (or only one?) to get some leverage. Is it in weeks or months?

 

[JammyD]

I applied succcessfully for a barring order against my spouse and that can give you more options. You say the hearing is shortly so that might be the best option (or only one?) to get some leverage. Is it in weeks or months?

Thanks Deanpark

Solicitor feels that the barring order will be difficult to achieve but that protection order is likley.
The hearing is 15th June and I'm pretty much ready for it with a good deal of evidence.
Ex says they will seek an adjournment and so drag it out as long as they possibly can. They've had 6 months to prepare though so other than having their solicitor perjure themselves by saying ex is sick a judge might not grant adjournment. It's really unfortunate that things have gotten so messy tbh

Thanks again for your insight

 

[Zenith63]

I have suggested escrow and was shot down on the basis that they do not trust me, but to be honest I cannot see their solicitor having an issue with it as its fairly standard fare surely? Their lack of understanding of the legal process is certainly hindering progress.

To be fair a badly written agreement could be risky for either of you, for example if it said the funds should release to your partner when you confirm they have moved out, they could move out and you could deny it so nobody gets the funds. So it's not as simple a fix as it sounds, but there should be a way to craft it that satisfies both parties. A mutually trusted third party being one possibility.

 

[deanpark]

Thanks Deanpark

Solicitor feels that the barring order will be difficult to achieve but that protection order is likley.
The hearing is 15th June and I'm pretty much ready for it with a good deal of evidence.
Ex says they will seek an adjournment and so drag it out as long as they possibly can. They've had 6 months to prepare though so other than having their solicitor perjure themselves by saying ex is sick a judge might not grant adjournment. It's really unfortunate that things have gotten so messy tbh

Thanks again for your insight

I was told the same as I was the husband - but it can done. I had been previously to family court re custody and addiction issues were a factor. The judge had all those previous documents & referred to them. Lay it on thick yourself and rely on your barrister - mine was the key factor on the day. Best of luck on the 15th!

 

[JammyD]

I was told the same as I was the husband - but it can done. I had been previously to family court re custody and addiction issues were a factor. The judge had all those previous documents & referred to them. Lay it on thick yourself and rely on your barrister - mine was the key factor on the day. Best of luck on the 15th

Well this certainly gives me hope and I am delighted the court took all of the factors into consideration in your case.
Thanks for the good wishes & again, very glad to hear it worked out for you