Bullying / mental harassment in workplace

Hi all,

Not going to go into details.
Long story short - recently moved jobs (previous company 6 yrs), and after a number of weeks of thinking Im just new, its just part of the learning curve etc, etc...realised that my immediate supervisor is deliberately (why I dunno) bullying me.
No unions or anything here - technology company.
I don't want to get into the specific or the details or issues regarding the type of bullying etc, as I am very aware of what it is.
All I'm looking for is info in relation to employees rights, e.g. government info etc, outlining the rights of employees, what the correct procedure is, etc.
I have made my mind up to go to my supervisors supervisor on Monday, but would appreciate others opinions on what worked for you - and as I said good info and links on my rights, legislation, entitlements, etc, etc.

Thanks in advance

Sorry to hear that. there are a couple of threads on bullying which might be of some help to you.
http://www.askaboutmoney.com/showthread.php?t=18838&highlight=BULLY

http://www.askaboutmoney.com/showthread.php?t=988&highlight=bullying

Sorry to hear of your predicament. A good friend was in a similiar position and after tolerating it for quite a while eventually got up the courage to approach a more senior member of staff (she herself was quite senior in this organisation). Long story short similiar complaints had been made about this bully and the situation was sorted satisfactorily.

Usually bullys bully more than one person. Go to your supervisor as soon as you can. Ideally bring dates, times, details of bullying behaviour. Good Luck, dont let it get it to you.

cas.

Hey Cas and Kiddo,

Thanks very much for the replies.
I accept the common notion that bullies bully many people.
However not so in this case. Very devious. In an open plan office of 10, all there before I joined. I have very good working relationships with all others. More importantly and to stress point about deviousness, to all others - supervisor is fine, normal date to date conversations, etc, etc..
No one is exposed to the behaviour I am received.
General trend is although sitting 2 yards away, I get an email stating urgent meeting required. Then pop into an unused office, and for 10-15 mins tries to cut me down, undermine my abilities, my confidence (knocks everything, e.g. had a meeting to argue the structure of English sentence used in an email) and then back into the office, and smiles to everyone like nothing has happened.
Some of the stuff - genuinely if it wasn't so serious and confidence destroying - if David Brent in the office said it - you wouldn't believe it.
Essentially when theres an audience nothing apparent, so to all others - everything is rosy in the garden.
Proof being, decided to ask someone else in office re working relationship with boss, and when discussing some of details, they were genuinely shocked and amazing, because it was going un-noticed, under the obvious current of day to day life in the office.

Thanks for saying don't let it get to me, but its impossible for it not to....
Only reason I can actually type this post today and feel someway normal and relaxed in myself is due to fact supervisor is out.

Hopefully I can meet boss's boss on Monday.
Never had this happen before, and never want it to happen again, so I don't know how the procedure works - or what the realistic positive outcomes may be....
Thanks for info

Really important to write things down when they happen. A lot of conversations and incidents can sound harmless when you are recounting them later -Writing down straight away when you are upset means you can look at them later -strip what is just emotional response and demonstrate a reasoned case when making a complaint. One person I knew would only attend meetings with a particular person with a notebook in hand and then asked them if they agreed what they had written was what was said.
They couldnt deny anything and seeing what they said/did in black & white shocked them.

you must write everything down with time and date. let it add up and keep it factual -then present to bosses Boss....good luck, whatever you do-This kind of constant bullying is horrible--any point in having a direct word with supervisor telling him/her how you feel about list --showing him/her the list you have compiled?

This is a thing that some bullies do. They are nice to everyone else, but horrible to you. This is to make you feel like you are the problem and that there is something wrong with you. This is emotional bullying and I hope you can maintain your confidence, and realise that s/he is the problem, not you.

I would mention the incidents to the other colleagues as they happen. Do not tell the incidents emotionally e.g O God, look at what s/he did to me. You should just mention the incidents in conversation. e.g. boss X took me into the office and complained about the grammar in my e-mail. Do you mind if I show you the wording?' This will let the other colleagues know what is happening in a discreet way, and they won't feel like you are going against boss X.

If boss X tears strips off you again, you should ask them if they think you are unsuitable for the job, and do they want to find someone else!! Then they will have to back up their reasons as to why you are unsuitable for the job with facts and figures. If you are doing your job well then they will not be able to do this. Even if they come up with trumped up excuses, you could always show that they KNEW you only had A, B, experience when hiring you, so they should allow a learning curve/training if they expect you to do C, D now.

A lot of these bullies think that you NEED your job, NEED the money, and they do things to make you feel like you are close to being fired!!! This feeds into their power.

If you show them you are not afraid of being fired, and that you will do your best but don't really care about keeping the job, then they will back off.

Hi

I've worked for a similar bully in my time. It took me 18 months to confront this person. I documented as many situations as possible but couldn't find one overt enough until someone else on the team contrived a situation to get definitive evidence once I said I was going to finally raise the situation.

I went in with a 10-page type written journal of the bullying to the M.D., raised each point, and asked whether they as M.D. thought each separate behaviour or incident was acceptable. The offender was then subjected to the disciplinary process as the evidence was incontrovertible. To be honest, companies run scared when they see well documented evidence that is well presented. It raises the legal spectre.

I have noticed other colleagues having issues over the years and 1:1 meetings and performance appraisals are areas that can be used for bullying.

Sometimes however people advocate they are being bullied when performance issues are being raised against them, so it is not all one-way traffic.

I found some previous comments re bullying by some contributors highly insensitive, particularly the "just get on with it" type of response. Bullying can ruin people's health and happiness and I found it far more difficult to deal with it at the time than the loss of a parent that occurred during that period.

Try to find a confidant at work, keep up your self esteem, document everything and raise with the appropriate authorities.

It can be difficult unless you have corroboration. Perhaps refuse to go into 1:1 meetings with her and try to ensure other colleagues are around. I know that may not be practical in your situation.

Hope it all works out for you.

How long did you remain in the job after the person in question was taken to task over the bullying? What repercussions did they face?

In relation to the original request for information about statutory rights in this situation see .

I don't know if this is appropriate or even legal..but what if you carried a mini digital voice recorder & recorded some of the commentry.... if it is illegal then you probably could not even use it as evidence.

ninsaga

Clubman
I don't want to go into too much further detail. I've seen similar threads mysteriously disappear from AAM as I guess the situation became identifiable! I guess I came out very positively. There were enough people who knew what the situation was that my efforts were viewed very positively by the wider company, as many others had just left instead.

I would counsel
Don't threaten the company - I had no intention to harm the company.
What I did was to offer my resignation citing the bullying as a reason - "life's too short" etc..
I feel that if I had taken a legal route it would have gone highly adversarial and that wouldn't have been good for me at the time.
If you are subject to bullying then you are vulnerable, and you're probably being seen as emotional and irrational. A company may engage legal assistance that can pick on these and make more of that than is warranted...

I know the following is a non sequitur but it refers back to the main point.

I may have been in a slightly different situation to the original poster. What I was forced into was a kind of self-righteous silent rage about what was going on. It left me with the "fight or flight" adrenalin response stuck on "ON". This left me drained and ill.

gearoid said:

Clubman
I don't want to go into too much further detail. I've seen similar threads mysteriously disappear from AAM as I guess the situation became identifiable! I guess I came out very positively. There were enough people who knew what the situation was that my efforts were viewed very positively by the wider company, as many others had just left instead.

Click to expand...

Fair enough. I appreciate the need for circumspection here. Glad to hear it worked out well. Fair play for dealing with the situation in a committed and constructive manner. I've never been bullied but I can empathise with you on the draining effects of "always on" adrenalin caused by work related issues...

Homerscash,

If you can try to be introspective and objective about something that is obviously a very emotive subject for you.

I'd say ask yourself some questions, which I know you are already doing!

What is it about the bully that is making them bully?

How do other people perceive the bully?

Have I been bullied in the past and if so why?

How am I perceived by others at work?

Am I part of a group? - Bullies will not take on a group.

What stops me telling the bully they are a bully? Is it my personality that I won't confront (may be time to start now )? ... Or is it purely for financial or career reasons?

The most regular cause of bullying is someone inadequate being in a position of power who is not up to what they are doing. In fact this is THE major reason.

HOWEVER...
It is often more complex than that. There is an enabling factor. No bully is confident enough, or stupid enough to take on everyone. They often have a sixth sense to pick on people who's personality makes them more susceptible OR the person is isolated by being new or stands away from the group of co-workers who would usually support them.

It may be a strategy to join a self-supporting group of co-workers at your level. You wouldn't have to say anything but it would make the bully think. If you're going out with a gang from work and the bully is not then they are vulnerable.

Also and finally. Try rate how badly you are being bullied:

Here's one of many questionnaires I found on the web:

I was subjected to verbal abuse

I was subjected to physical abuse

I was subjected to humiliation and/or ridicule

Some of my responsibilities were taken away without proper explanation

I was given unsuitable tasks or tasks which are below my level of competence

I was unfairly refused leave or time off

Information was unreasonably withheld from me

I was unfairly criticised

I was subjected to intimidating behaviour

I was the subject of malicious lies and/or accusations

I was given unrealistic/unreasonable targets and/or workload

I was prevented from going on training and development programmes

My attempts at promotion were blocked

My opinions and views were ignored

My decisions were unreasonably overruled

I was subjected to an unreasonable level of monitoring

I was excluded from meetings that I should have attended

What form did the bullying take? I was excluded from social events

As in many situations (not necessarily just crisis or extreme ones either) I believe that a CBT approach to analysing the situation and clarifying the facts can help to prevent emotions (the subject's or others') from unduly influencing perceptions or reactions to the situation and can be conducive to arriving at a pragmatic and constructive approach to the problem.

Hi Homerscash
I feel your pain... I was contemplating posting a similar thread this week...
I've been working for the same organisation for some time now - and the self appointed "boss" as she likes to call herself is basically an incompetent and totally useles manager. There are regular tantrums in our office, screaming, extremely foul language, "very important meetings" used to both intimidate me and to tell me who is going to be fired next whilst also using me as a confidante. There are also regular interrogations about the balances on some of our accounts - her latest idea has been to create false invoices to move some of this several thousand € to another account (not ours). I'm refusing. One of my staff walked the other day over yet another incident. To make a long and miserable story short I had a meeting yesterday with one of our senior BOM for advice. I know there's going to be blood over this, but what's important is to stand up for yourself. Start keeping notes, keep a dictaphone with you if necessary, and keep your eyes open for another job.
Hope it works out for you and let us know how you get on.

Ruth said:

regular tantrums in our office, screaming, extremely foul language

Click to expand...

These are quite obviously objectionable behaviours on the part of any employee at any level and it should not take any involved procedures to deal with them. Any employer that does not do so is most likely breaching workplace legislation and employee statutory rights.

Ruth, Gearoid and Homerscash,

Clearly from reading this thread you are not alone, there are bullies in allsorts of organisations. For fifteen months I had the worst job in the world, working as the Financial Controller for a small operation - I was subjected to a horrible amount of bullying from my boss - I absolutely hated the place. Even now almost 4 years since I left I still get a knot in my stomach thinking about it.

I did the chicken thing and left without making complaint to her boss (I think he operated on the theory of why bark when you employ your own rottweiler). However, with life being as strange as it is, she possibly did me a favour - I've been self employed ever since.

I do feel that if I had confronted the person or reported her to her boss, I might not feel so bad about it now, and that's probably the only advice I can really give.

Past30

Hi all,

Genuinely heartfelt thanks for all the responses. I initially thought when I raised the first post, that I may not get any replies.
My meeting with the bosses boss has been deferred for a few days.
I am just glad that other people can understand, and unfortunately for them actually recount similar situations themselves.
I had already begun to doubt my own abilities, my self-confidence was ebbing, and all the related physical issues that go with being over-stressed were coming into play.
The list Gearoid compiled from the web - is an excellent one, and I can answer yes to most of them, which by honestly answering those questions does put the situation into a much more black and white area.

I have all the issues well documented and will present my case well.
So - again thanks for all the responses, its good to know I'm not an isolated case, (of a well educated, qualified, competent, reasonable person, never ever bullied before being subjected to this behaviour) - and you have all given me a renewed sense of confidence in my decision to tackle this situation.

Thanks,
HomersCash

P.S. Hopefully when all this is over, I can return to asking questions about stamp duty and shares and tax etc, etc and normal financial stuff like that.

"My meeting with the bosses boss has been deferred for a few days"

Hope things go well for you and try to relax in the meantime and put it to the back of your mind if that is at all possible.